Yesterday had been a complete waste of my rather precious time. Giles asked me to stop by the library after school only to be told he hadn't actually gotten around to making a schedule. He also wasn't sure when or if Buffy was returning to school. He needed to see how things went before really deciding on how to proceed. His words not mine.
The only thing I'd managed to discover while at the library was the fact that a cat had come back to life. Giles was worried. The gang was debating what Buffy's gathering should actually be named and I was more than ready to leave. I didn't listen to much of the discussion and after realizing Giles's attention was clearly focused on something else, I departed without a word to anyone except Cordelia. She merely nodded knowing my reasons for distancing myself from those people.
Shaking my head as I walk up the stairs to my apartment, I enter it and immediately debate what I'm going to bring to Buffy's party. Cordelia mentioned something about dip and that implies that I need to bring something. Moving over to the kitchen I look through the pantry considering my options. I'm stocked for everything. I have flour, yeast, corn syrup, and baking powder and soda along with a variety of ingredients. I'm set to do anything from cookies to cupcakes to cakes to pies. The only problem of course is I have no idea which if any would be appropriate. It's not as if I've attended any dinner parties either in this life or the possible one. I'm at a complete and utter loss.
Taking out a few basic ingredients I consider my options before taking out a recipe book to look through. After a couple of minutes of looking and debating I settle on a vanilla and chocolate checkerboard cake. It's a challenge but looking at the clock I have more than enough time to make it, decorate, and arrive in time for dinner. I figure no one will think to bring a welcome home cake. Or at least I hope they don't already have one.
Releasing a sigh, I put on some music and get to work. The melodic sounds of Enya filter through the room helping me to relax and shift into the baking mood. I love baking as it's as close to science as cooking can get. The ingredients have to be exact, the amounts of fluid to solid has to be precise either a cake will rise or fall. The decorations have to be the perfect amount of sweet so as not to overpower the decadence of the cake itself.
Humming to China Roses I mix my two batters and begin pouring into six 16X16 pans. It's easier and better to make extra in cake things don't go quite right. Setting the timer, I place two pans into the oven and move to setting up my cake decorating air brush. I haven't used this since Katherine's birthday last year and it makes me smile. She had surprised me with it on my twelfth birthday. I'd spent weeks commandeering the kitchen in order to master the art of baking the cake. I'd begged for new supplies; better pans, cutting kits, airbrushing tools, and pipers. On and on I had begged and finally for my birthday she gave me everything I'd asked for. I was beyond shocked as I hadn't really expected any of it.
"Now Faith, don't let this go to your head." Katherine told me with an indulgent smile. "You've worked hard and you've improved. I just decided you deserved to be rewarded for all your hard work." Sitting across from me at the kitchen table Katherine moved my last cake around examining it. "You made your own birthday cake and it's gorgeous. I'm now going to expect you to make something even better on mine." Her laugh was instantaneous at my look of shock and dismay.
I'd made her a birthday cake every year after that. They weren't always my best. They always tasted great but the work in perfecting the art of decoration took a long time. Frosting doesn't always cooperate, fondant doesn't always listen, marzipan is usually tricky, and sculpted sugar is always temperamental. The airbrush out of all of them is usually the easiest and when I've had a difficult time it's the one, I went to most.
Hearing the timer, I take out the first batch and put in the second, setting my timer again. My thoughts keep drifting to the past and floating back to the present. Occasionally I fall into the future and wonder if what I'm doing is the right thing. Getting involved with Buffy and the others so early could in fact ruin everything. The consequences are unpredictable.
"Oh my god. Becky, look at her butt. It is so big; she looks like one of those rap guys' girlfriends." The opening lyrics of 'Baby Got Back' make me look up and smile. Clearly my cd player has decided to switch to a new disc. Looking over to the clock I realize over an hour has passed. Clearly the day is passing without me really paying attention. I hum along and occasionally sing along until the song ends and another one starts. This time it's 'Give Me One Reason' by Tracy Chapman. Nodding along as the opening guitar starts, I smile at my own rather eclectic taste in music.
"Give me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around." I start to sing putting aside my frosting. "Give me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around. Said I'd don't want to leave you lonely you got to make me change my mind. Baby I got your number oh and I know that you got mine. You know that I called you, I called you too many times. You can call me baby you; you call me anytime. You got to call me."
I hear keys in my door and move to the door still singing. "Give me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around. Give me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around." I almost croon as the door begins to open. "Said I don't wanna leave you lonely you got to make me change my mind." I smile as Cordelia enters my apartment and starts to close the door. "I don't want no one to squeeze me, they might take away my life. I don't want no one to squeeze me, they might take away my life." I sing to her as I wrap my arms around my waist. "I just want someone to hold me oh and rock me through the night." I sway towards her as she turns towards me. "The youthful heart can love you yes and give you what you need. I said this youthful heart can love you oh and give you what you need. But I'm too old to go chasing you around wasting my precious energy." I place my hands on her hips pulling her towards me. "Give me one reason to stay here. Yes, and I'll turn right back around. Give me one reason to stay here oh and I'll turn right back around." She gives me a smile. "Said I don't wanna leave you lonely. You got to make me change my mind. Baby just give me one reason, oh give me just one reason why. Baby just give me one reason oh give me just one reason why I should stay. Said I told you that I loved you and their ain't no more to say." I finish giving her cheek a light kiss. The timer rings and I move away to take the second set of cakes out to cool. Putting them on the rack with the other two I place the last two in the oven and reset the timer.
"I'm not into girls but even I have to say that was kinda hot." Cordy says as she walks into the kitchen. She has a bag over her shoulder so I assume she either just came from school or she is planning on getting ready here.
"Thanks." I tell her as I move my first set of cakes to the island to see how cool they've gotten. "You getting ready here?" I ask even though I'm almost positive of the answer.
"Yeah." I merely nod and check on my cakes. Cordelia is a lot like me sometimes. Silence works better than pestering. "Parents are still having issues. Not sure what it's about as no one is telling me anything. I'm just not up for putting up with it all."
"If you want or need to talk about it you know I'm here." I give her a smile as Mr. Jones finishes playing and No Diggity starts playing.
"That is the weirdest playlist ever." She tells me looking over at my five-disc stereo system.
Shrugging I give her the dimples. "What can I say? My Cd's fit my moods. I just finished listening to Enya before you got here." That makes her brows raise in mild surprise. "Yeah, well sometimes I need a little Zen. Nirvana is next so don't act surprised."
She gives me a little smile and a nod before moving to the island to look at my cooling cakes. Again, she raises a brow and I shrug. "You're bringing dip remember? That leaves me either with chips or cake." I point to the cake, making it obvious which I went with. "Plus, Xander or Willow are more likely to get chips and soda. Though I'm not sure why one would bring either to a dinner party."
"It's going to be more of a party instead of a dinner." This time my eyebrow raises in question. "We decided while you were there." She says giving me a look and I just return it with a shrug. I wasn't paying any real attention. She gives me a little huff. "We figure it will be more fun than a boring old dinner party. Willow and Oz called the band. I got chips, dip, and soda in the car." Again, I raise my brow. "I made Xander and Willow chip in for those. I just made the effort to purchase them."
"Have you guys run this by Joyce?"
"Willow or Xander is supposed to do it. Maybe Giles. I can't remember I wasn't really paying attention either." I bark out a laugh.
"Well, I've already started baking so I'm still bringing cake."
"What kind?"
"Chocolate and vanilla checkerboard. It's a little complicated and involves a lot of assembly but it's fun."
"Uh huh, sure." The sarcasm is practically dripping off her lips. I just shake my head. Leveling the chocolate cake to exactly one inch in height I take the excess cake and set it in front of her. I know without a doubt that she is going to try a piece. Setting the chocolate cake aside I repeat the process with the vanilla. Wiping away stray crumbs I take out a wire cake slicer, and a large piece of parchment paper. Grabbing a ruler, I form a fifteen-by-fifteen grid with one-inch squares. Carefully I lift the chocolate cake onto it and line up my edge before cutting. Cordelia remains surprisingly quiet as I work. The chocolate cake is done is minutes, setting aside the parchment with the cake on top I take out another piece and repeat the process for the vanilla.
"Shit" Cordy exclaims as the timer goes off nearly startling me. Giving her a smile, I set aside my wire slicer and shut off the timer. Grabbing my gloves, I open the oven door and take out the last set of cakes. Setting them on top of the stove I move the two mostly cooled cakes off the cooling rack, replacing them with the new ones. "I never thought you of all people would be quite so domestic." Cordelia comments from behind me.
"What can I say?" I give a little shrug. "Katherine couldn't cook for the life of her. She had the basics down. I mean she could boil water but I think it's the British thing. They do love their tea."
"You don't speak about her much." The comment catches me off guard and I pause to look at her.
Nodding I shrug. "It's hard sometimes. I mean sometimes it's easy. I think about her all the time but sometimes the whole talking thing is hard."
"Is that why you shut Giles down the other night?"
"Yes and no. I mean I'm not there yet. I can't really even bring myself to think about what happened to her. I don't think I could sit down and recite what happened to Giles, or anyone else for that matter."
"That bad?" The question makes me look down at the island and the cut-up cake in front of me.
"Yes and no. I've never seen someone killed the way he killed her. I've seen something similar. The levels of horror were the same I guess but different. I just never thought something like that would happen again. I never thought I would be helpless to save her, I was older, I was stronger and I should have been able to save her."
"What does being older have anything to do with it?" Again, I look at her wondering how much I can bear to reveal.
"I watched my mom die. I watched Katherine die. Twice I was helpless. Twice I couldn't save the person who mattered more to me than my own life."
"Oh god Faith." She says coming around the island to wrap her arms around me.
Shrugging I let her hug me. I can't bring myself to return it though. Keeping my eyes on the cake I let out a breath and nod my thanks for her support. I've mostly dealt with mom's death. Katherines though brought all those long-buried memories to the surface in a most brutal fashion. "It's okay. It was a long time ago." I pause and then clarify. "My mother's death, not Katherine's" Cordelia nods and steps away knowing I appreciate the comfort but I need my space. "Each time I was hurt. Each time I couldn't stop what was happening. I get why I couldn't save my mom. I was a kid. I was weak and he was too strong. I shouldn't have pissed him off. I should have just let him hit me. I shouldn't have fought back. She would still be alive if I hadn't fought back." I look up at her almost pleading with her to understand. "He hit her so hard. I screamed and tried to hurt him and he grabbed me. He stuffed me into the storage chest. He hit me over and over again and then he locked me in. I heard him go back to her. I heard her screams. I heard her cry. I saw through the key hole what he did." I stop unwilling and unable to tell her everything I saw him do.
"Jesus Faith." Cordy says reaching out to grasp my hand. I let her and wipe the tears I feel slipping free with my right.
"I didn't mean to get this dark." I say wiping away the rest of the unshed tears and giving myself a little shake. "Can we please change the topic?" I ask a little hoarsely.
"Yeah, we can talk about whatever you want. We can also just be quiet if you need."
I give her a smile and a little shake of my head. "No, talking's fine." Taking a deep breath, I give her a little smile and turn grabbing my filler frosting. "Katherine couldn't do much in the kitchen so I started experimenting, for lack of a better word. I'd had a little experience already and I just expanded on it." Moving away from the island I bend down and open the cupboard to take out the cake pad and box I'd bought yesterday. "I liked my own cooking better than Katherine's and after a while she started letting me rule the kitchen." I place the cardboard pad in front of me and begin to slowly assemble the first layer. "She also started encouraging me to cook and experiment more and eventually I found baking. I wasn't allowed to over indulge in cookies or cakes but once a week I was allowed to try a new recipe." Stopping I motion to the air brusher, racks, and pans. "She got me most of those for my birthday and Christmas."
"Was she a sugar fiend?"
"Nah, not really but she loved it when I started playing around with traditional British recipes. I mean I make a mean cranberry orange scone. I've also developed some serious skills in the art of making biscuits." Wiggling my eyebrows, I give her a cheeky smile making her laugh.
"I bet." She shakes her head and I tilt mine. "You are going to have to start making biscuits as you call them for Giles. His version taste about as good as eating cardboard." That makes me laugh and I just shake my head no.
"I'm hardly going to see Giles let alone go to his house to have tea again."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean the point of distance is to not get too close. I don't need Giles wondering about me. If this Giles is anything like the Giles in my dreams, he isn't particularly concerned about me and that works for me, for us in this timeline.
"Are you sure you have to distance yourself from them?" The question comes out softly, forcing me to look at her.
"Yeah, I am. I mean if the whole Post thing doesn't happen then I'll do my best to become part of the gang. If it does happen then being distant will save me the effort of trying to disentangle myself from them." I tell her, resuming my work.
"You just sound like you've already given up the idea of becoming friends with all of them." That comment has me stopping again, to both look at her and to think about what she just said.
Nodding I frown. I can't help but agree. "I guess I have. I mean if the dream is true then I can't be friends with them. Not really. If it isn't, I'm not really sure I want to be." She raises her eyebrow and I shake my head and give her a little grin. "I'm not older than you guys but I'm on a different level." That makes her frown. "I'm not trying to be insulting and I don't mean any of what I'm going to say as an insult."
"I feel a 'but' coming."
"BUT" I emphasize "I'm already in college. I already have my own apartment and car. I'm having to deal with managing rent, utilities, insurance, and budgeting." Pointedly I stare at her. "You and the others aren't there yet. You all still have parents. You're all still dealing with the stresses of High school and whether or not you're going to go to college or even get into one. You get to be carefree." She gives me a look. "You get to be carefree sometimes." She nods. "Your adult life hasn't started yet and I envy you that and them too but I can't relate as well to it." Pausing I consider my next words. "As the other version of me I was carefree." Releasing a sigh, I inhale deeply before continuing. "I was a little too carefree. I was all about the pleasure of life and slaying and it got me into more trouble than I was ready for. I was grieving and hurting and finding sojourn in sex, alcohol, and slaying. I'm not that girl this time. That girl could relate better to Buffy and her friends. That girl was hurt by their inattention and lack of consideration. That girl wanted to hurt them as much as they hurt her." As Buffy hurt me. As she chose Angel before me. As she ran to her friends or him instead of coming to me. As she ratted me out and played the high and mighty card not realizing that the real me, was screaming inside begging for someone to reach out and really help me.
"I get all of that, BUT it doesn't mean you can't try to relate to them. It doesn't mean you can't get along with them and find common ground." She reaches a finger forward and takes a swipe at some of the filling that's fallen onto the island. "We get along and we are friends even though 'you're on a different level'" She gives me a cheeky smile and I can practically see the quotation marks. "You can be friends with them if you choose to be." She finishes placing that filling covered finger into her mouth and sucking on it. I can't help but stare mildly mesmerized by the action. Is it wrong for me to think that is the sexiest thing in the world?
'Cordelia is my friend. Cordelia is my friend.' I chant softly in my mind hoping the words don't slid past my lips as my eyes stare transfixed upon her lips. 'Cordelia is my friend and she needs to realize when she does shit like that my brain shuts down.' "You're such a fucking twat tease." The words slip out making me freeze and Cordelia to look up with a smirk.
She nods, winks and slowly drags her finger out of her mouth. "Sometimes."
Releasing a groan, I turn away giving myself a moment and working to get my brain back onto the task at hand. "Cake." I rasp "You're assembling a checkerboard cake. Filling. You need to spread the filling between the pieces." I practically order myself trying to focus. Looking back, I see Cordelia has a giant smile on her face.
"Yup." I merely shake my head and she almost falls back laughing. I can feel my cheeks have reddened and I take a deep breath and release it. I will not hit Cordelia.
Turning back around I give her a sharp look and shake my head at her ridiculousness. "You're a little evil. How am I supposed to finish this cake with you doing that?" I give a small wave towards her hand and mouth.
"Faith." She says my name on a little sigh. "If you put your mind to it, you can do anything."
"Oh, now you're a motivational speaker. Just perfect. A teasing, breathy, motivational speaker. I can see the boys and girls falling at your feet and worshiping you."
"Now who's teasing who?"
"I give as good as I'm given."
"I bet." She says just a touch too huskily. Looking up from my work I look her over. If I didn't know better, I would say Cordelia is just a touch curious. Can't say I'm not curious myself. I would think having sex with Cordy would be like taking an Aston Martin out for a spin on the rural sections of Germany's autobahn.
"Are you suddenly looking to trying the softer side of Gucci?"
"Don't you mean Sears?" She quips.
"I'm a little higher class than Sears." I return with a scowl.
"I won't say I'm not a bit curious." Resting her hands on the edge of the island she extends her arms, straightens her back and frames her chest. My eyes naturally fall to her breasts and I just smile.
"Again, with the teasing."
"It's not really teasing." She gives me a pout.
"It is."
"Okay it is a little teasing." She admits with a little chuckle. "I can't really help it. Though I am a little curious. If Xander and I weren't doing so well I would be more than a little curious." She gives me a put-upon sigh. "But we are and you know I have feelings for him. Plus, we're friends and I'm curious just not curious enough to risk our friendship on it."
I nod knowing I feel the same. She's become my best friend. My only friend. I would hate to ruin all of that on a fling. I know Cordy is not into women and it would hurt to get both sexually and emotionally involved with someone who would never feel the same. I know she could love me. I know she might even love me but it would always be more as a friend than a lover. "Yeah I feel ya. Though I think it would be hot. Blow your mind hot."
"Now you're the tease." She gives me a scowl and I return with a smirk.
"Only as much as you are." Turning my attention to my creation I put the final touches on the first layer and move it aside. Setting up two more parchment sheets, I grid them, place one cake upon each, and start leveling them to one inch. It doesn't take long and again Cordelia stays silent throughout the process. She's usually good about knowing when not to speak. Never really understood why the others always said otherwise.
"So, what are you going to wear?" She asks sweetly as I start slicing one-inch cake cubes. Not bothering to look up I reply with my usual answer of jeans and a shirt. The harrumph sound she makes tells me I said the wrong thing. Pausing I look up with a 'what?' expression. "Really? Really? You're going to wear jeans and a shirt? That's like saying you're going to wear clothes. Which pair? The new ones we got last week? Your black skinny jeans? The dark blue boot cut low riders? Come on? And which shirt? Something clingy or loose? The red V-neck you love or the black lacy sleeveless?"
I give her a blank look before returning to my work. The little cough she makes and grrr sound make me smile. "Look C, I don't really think about what I'm going to wear before I wear it. I mean yeah, I think about general types of clothes, like clothes for working out, slaying, or school but not the specifics. I go with the flow. See what looks good and then put it on."
"That can't be all you do." She states emphatically.
Shrugging I nod. "Pretty much. I mean I sometimes think on it a little but I don't get into the nitty gritty. I mean, you know that, I've never sat their agonizing on what to wear. Hell, I've never asked your opinion on what I should wear." Hearing her little gasp, I look up. "Okay, I've asked what you think of clothes when we've gone shopping but that's different." I return to my work not bothering to see if my answer has pacified her.
"Jeez, Faith I would think you would put a little thought into your appearance considering how long it takes you to get ready." I can practically hear the sneer in her voice. Clearly, I have poked the dragon and woken it up. Note to self; don't poke the dragon.
"I take half the time it takes you to get dressed. We've gone to the Bronze twice and not once were you done before me. So, I have no idea how you would know how long it takes me to get ready."
"Ha!"
"That was the wittiest reply I think you've ever given me." The smack is quick and I'm grateful I wasn't cutting when it came. It was light so I don't feel the need to return the favor but it does make me look up and give her a solid glare. "Don't push your luck. I may not be willing to hit you back but there are way worse things I could do."
"Like what?" She asks cockily while moving away from the island.
"You know what." I tell her putting down the cutter and wiping my hands.
"You're all talk slayer."
I just give her a smile and bolt around the island. She turns and runs. The chase is on. In seconds we are running around my apartment with Cordy screaming bloody murder. I'm just grateful the apartment is soundproof or the cops would be coming over in a minute. It doesn't take long to catch her, toss her onto the couch, and begin the longest tickle session we have had yet. Though she won't admit it, Cordelia is extremely ticklish. She's screaming, squirming and laughing.
"Stop, stop!" I ignore her and continue my torture of tickles. "I'm going to pee." She screams trying to shove me away. I smile and raise my hands.
"We both know you're not going to pee."
"Yeah, well, we both know you won't take the risk." She pats my couch. "I know you like this couch too much to have me pee all over it." She gives me a little smirk. "It would never be the same if I did."
"Point." I give her the nod before getting up and moving back to the island and my construction. Cordelia doesn't bother getting up from the couch. Instead, she gets comfortable and closes her eyes. I don't know if she is actually going to sleep but I will take the momentary peace. I finish cutting up the cakes with only my music as a distraction. Cordelia stays quiet and I keep my attention on my work and away from her. The sounds of a mandolin make me smile knowing the next song is 'Losing my Religion.' The lyrics slip from my lips as the mandolin plays.
"Oh, life is bigger. It's bigger than you and you are not me. The lengths that I will go to. The distance in your eyes. Oh no, I've said too much. I set it up. That's me in the corner." The lyrics resonate with everything I'm going through. I'm trapped in this pattern of getting close to them and distancing myself. I'm stuck playing out a twisted game of betrayal in order to save them and myself. "That's me in the spotlight losing my religion, trying to keep up with you and I don't think that I can do it. Oh no I've said too much. I haven't said enough. I thought I heard you laughing. I thought I heard you sing. I think I thought I saw you try."
"Every whisper, of every waking hour I'm choosing my confessions." I look over at Cordelia. Her head is turned towards me and even though I can't see her face I know she's awake and listening. "Trying to keep an eye on you like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool. Oh no, I've said too much. I set it up." I know so much about her and so little. I feel like by not telling her everything I know, I am setting her up, but telling her could set her up in a more tragic way. The same applies to Buffy and the others. "Consider this, consider this, the hint of century, consider this the slip that brought me to my knees failed. What if all these fantasies come flailing around. Now I've said too much. I thought that I heard you laughing." My mind travels to walking the cemeteries with B and working hard to make her smile, make her laugh. "I thought that I heard you sing. I think I thought I saw you try. But that was just a dream. That was just a dream." Was it all just a dream? "That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight, losing my religion. Trying to keep up with you and I don't know if I can do it. Oh no I've said too much. I haven't said enough." I let the chorus continue without me as I return my attention fully to completing the task at hand.
"You doing okay over there?" I hear from the living room. Smiling I nod even though I know she can't see me and begin frosting the cake. "Faith?"
"I'm fine C. Just finishing up the frosting and then I'm taking out my toys to play."
"You know I'm not talking about what you're doing."
"I know and the answer to that is I'm fine."
"Uh huh." Her tone makes me smile as I take out my air gun and pick out the food dye's. Taking my time, I darken the bottom of the cake making the impression of dirt with light touches of black on brown. I add a layer of green to imply grass. I don't have the time to get into too much detail but I allow for a little. I switch to gray and create a set of grave markers. It may seem a little tacky but really a welcome home Buffy cake without a graveyard scene? Absurd. I carefully draw out a stake and then pipe out frosting with the traditional 'Welcome Home Buffy'
"Classy." I look up to see Cordelia smirking. I just give her a little shrug.
"I thought it would be clever."
"It's something." She gives me another little smirk before turning around and going to the guest bathroom. Looking over to the oven I see it's after five. Taking a deep breath, I release it on a sigh and box up the cake. Placing it carefully in the fridge I go to my room to take a shower and get dressed.
This was definitely a mistake. Cordelia and I pulled up to the Summer's house to a party. A loud, boisterous party. I turn to her and she just smiles. I give her a sour look and take the cake I baked out of the car. The look I give her makes her burst out laughing which causes me to start glaring. "You could have warned me." I state darkly.
"Faith you were there." She says pointedly. "You heard us talking about this being a party. And I did warn you. I told you what? Three hours ago? You knew. Are you saying you weren't paying attention to me then?"
"Considering you know me oh so well you should know that I wasn't listening to the others chattering. I did hear you but I didn't think you meant this kind of party. I heard band but I didn't think a hundred fucking strangers." I nearly whine.
"Well, you should have been listening." She looks over the cake box and smiles. "I was wondering why you were going through so much effort with the cake." She gives me a little nod. "I would have assumed you would be the chips and soda girl."
"Sometimes I hate you." I tell her softly and look back to the house.
"Get in line baby." She tells me and starts walking towards the front door. "Plus, I know you really love me." She gives me a little more sway to her hips as she walks up the steps and I can't help but look at her ass. She is right. I do kinda love her and her ass. "Now stop checking out my ass and come on." I just chuckle and follow her in. She of course abandons me immediately to find Xander. I'm betting she is on this side of horny.
Giving my head another shake I look around at all the milling strangers. I can honestly admit not a single one of them looks familiar. I'm not sure if that is because I've never met them or I've never noticed them. Taking a deep breath, I notice Buffy walking towards the band playing in the living room. She looks beautiful. My heart skips a beat. I've rarely seen her in a dress and this one looks perfect on her. It's the right shade of red and pink to accent her skin tone. Her hair is simple, done up in a messy bun with tendrils accentuating her face. The cross she's wearing, I only caught a quick glimpse, is small and simple, but draws the eye to her modest decolletage. Without thought I start to follow her into the living room. I watch as she approaches Willow. She looks nervous. She fiddles with her hands looking at Willow and the band. I can't hear what they are saying but her body language tells me whatever they are talking about the conversation isn't going the way she had hoped. As she turns away looking over the crowd, I can tell she's sad, lost even. I feel compelled to go to her, to try to assure her that whatever is wrong will get better. I don't. I stay frozen and locked into place knowing that I can't protect her. Not like that. Not here and not now. Taking another deep breath, I watch her move away from Willow and into the crowd. Looking down at the cake I release my breath slowly and make my way to the kitchen.
Coming around the corner of the kitchen I stop. Joyce is there with a blonde woman I've never met. The blonde pours what looks to be schnaps into two glasses and they take a shot. Who know Joyce was the type?
"Now, how you holding up, Joyce, hmm? Really." The blonde says gently.
"Really? I'm…I don't know." Joyce gives a little shake of her head I take a small step back and feel someone come up next to me. "While Buffy was gone, all I could think about was getting her home." I look over and see its Buffy. Shit. "I just knew that if I could put my arms around her and tell her how much I loved her, everything would be okay." I blush knowing I just got caught eavesdropping. Buffy gives me a look before turning her attention to the kitchen.
"But?" The question makes me look back as well.
"Having Buffy home, I-I thought it was gonna make it better, but in some ways, it's almost worse." My heart clenches and I look over to see Buffy has already taken off.
"Fuck." The words slide out of my mouth and the two women turn to look at me. The blush starts at my chest and moves slowly up my neck and burns my cheeks. Great I've just been caught eavesdropping twice. "Double Fuck." I let out while shaking my head and entering the kitchen.
"Uh Faith?" The question is clear in Joyce's tone. Why the fuck am I walking into her kitchen saying Fuck. Well fuck Joyce. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Moving to the refrigerator I put my cake on the counter and open the door. Looking in I move a couple things aside and make some room before grabbing the cake and putting it away.
"Faith?" I hear her question and slowly rise up and close the door. Taking a deep breath, I turn around and face her. "I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. I was looking for the right moment to enter the kitchen. I made a cake." I point towards the fridge. Joyce nods and gives me a questioning look. No doubt she is wondering why I was swearing. "I heard what you said."
"Faith I know what it sounded like but I didn't exactly mean it the way you think I do." She explains and I merely hold up my hand stopping her.
"Joyce, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm not here to judge you." She nods and her blonde little friend looks between us curiously. "However, I will say that anyone else might misconstrue your words." She gives me a look and I look up to the ceiling. "Someone else might have overheard your comment and taken it the wrong way."
"You mean?" She asks her hand rising to her lips.
"Yeah. She came up on me right before you said what you said."
"I have to go talk to her. I have to explain that I didn't mean it how she thinks I meant it."
"Joyce, I don't know how in the world you are going to be able to explain that. Again, not judging but those were some harsh words." I tell her trying as hard as possible to keep the sting out of my words.
"I just meant that I feel like I am walking on eggshells around her. It was so hard. You know how hard it was for me when she was gone Faith. There were so many things I needed to know. So many things I needed to talk about but she never gave me a chance. She took off and I know I messed up. I said some things I shouldn't have said. I was wrong. I just needed time to process everything. I needed her to explain everything to me."
"Joyce, I get that, I really do. I wasn't there. I don't know what you said to each other or how that conversation went. I don't really need to know. I just know that right now you have to think of a way to talk to her, to reach her. I can't image what hearing those words would feel like if I were you daughter." Seeing the hurt cross, her face I release a put-upon sigh. "I don't mean to hurt you Joyce and I don't think Buffy means to hurt you either. I don't think she left just to hurt you. She needed time. She needed to figure out how to deal with everything she was feeling. Now she's back and you've just hurt her again. She isn't going to react well so you have to be the adult and be calm and try to sooth the hurt you just caused." I pause hoping to really emphasize my point. "So, take a deep breath. Collect your thoughts. Keep calm and then go up there and talk to her."
Joyce nods, takes a breath, and moves out of the kitchen without a backward glance. Watching her go I release another sigh, turning I look at the blonde and nod. "I'm Faith by the way." I say by way of introduction.
"Pat." She pauses and looks me over again. I tilt my head curious as to what she's going to say about the whole scene she just witnessed. "It's nice to meet you." She gives me a nod.
"The pleasures mine." I say without thought. One has to love common chit chat and curtesy. "If you'll excuse me." I say not giving her a chance to reply before I make my escape. I love awkward moments with strangers.
Scampering out of the kitchen I make my way to the living room and the band. Looking around I fail to see Willow, Xander, or Cordelia. Turning to the band I see Oz and give him a nod. He returns it but gives me a questioning look. How exactly do I explain the drama that just occurred in body language? Simply put; I don't. I just give him a shrug and lean up against the wall listening to the music.
"You come here often?" The question comes from my left making me turn. A boy with chin fuzz and longish hair gives me a smile. Looking him over I smile and shake my head.
"No." I answer simply and turn my attention back to the band. Oz gives me a little nod and I shake my head. If he's encouraging me towards half boy half man I am not interested.
"Is that no you don't come here often or no please go away?" He asks a little shyly making me turn back to him.
"I've got a guy I'm seeing." I tell him gently not wanting to be rude. "It doesn't mean I want you to go away. It just means I'm not interested in you beyond friendly conversation." God, sometimes I wish I could be a little meaner. I know I was once upon and time.
"I see." The boy pauses, looks over to the band and back to me. "So, is he a good guy?" I give him a look. "The one you're seeing?"
"I think so. He seems to be." I give him a little smile. "Ya never really know though. For all I know he's a monster." I give a little chuckle and it's self deprecating at best. I don't have a track record with men but thinking on my mom makes me shake my head. She sure had a way of picking the bad ones. The human monsters.
"A touch dark as far as perspectives go." He says haltingly.
"I'll be honest I certainly have a knack for it."
"Don't you leave this house young lady." I turn at Joyce's voice raised in irritation and anger. "You know what? That's it. You and I are going to have a talk." The band cuts off and I see the crowd quite to watch what will surely be a spectacle. Looking over at Oz I see him grimace.
"It's time for you to leave." I tell the boy next to me and he nods. "Grab as many people as you can and move them out." He nods again and moves to do as I said.
"Mom please."
"You know what? I don't care?" I can tell Joyce is getting worked up and Buffy looks both embarrassed and nervous. Moving quickly, I place my hand on Joyce's arm stopping her possible tirade for a minute. She looks at me confused and from the corner of my eye I see Xander moving towards us.
"IF YOU DON'T LIVE HERE. GET THE FUCK OUT. PARTY'S OVER." I yell loudly towards the crowd. They look towards me nervous and confused. "ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF? GET THE FUCK OUT. NOW!" My voice is nearly a roar and suddenly teenagers are scrambling for the exits.
Lowering my voice, I take my hand off of Joyce. "This is not the place for whatever conversation you are about to have." I look and see the majority of the crowd has already left but a couple are lingering.
"I don't care. I don't care what your friends think of me or you for that matter, because you put me through the wringer Buffy. I mean it. And I've had Schnapps. Do you have any idea what it's been like?"
I watch Buffy look around at the few idiots still milling about wanting to watch the drama unfold. "Mom, this isn't the time."
"You can't imagine, months of not knowing, not knowing whether you're lying dead in a ditch somewhere or, I don't know, living it up."
"But you told me! You're the one who said I should go. You said if I leave this house, don't come back! You found out who I really was and you couldn't deal. Don't you remember?"
"Buffy, you didn't give me time. You just dumped this thing on me, and you expected me to get it. Well, guess what, Mom's not perfect, okay? I handled it badly. But that doesn't give you the right to punish me by running away."
"Punish you? I didn't do this to punish you."
"Well, you did." Xander steps up on my left looking self-righteous. Looking towards him I frown and move closer. He doesn't seem to notice me, his entire attention focused on Buffy. Latching my hand around his arm I give it a firm squeeze making him stop and look at me.
"I recommend you shut up." I tell him softly, gently forcing him back.
"Or what? You're gonna hurt me? You're all bark, no bite." His confidence makes me smile. This fool really has no clue who the fuck he is messing with.
Squeezing tighter I see him wince. It would take much to break his bone. As it is he is going to have a beautiful bruise shaped like my hand. "I don't have to break your arm to hurt you Xander. You're a pathetic little man with a self-righteous stick up your ass." I look around at the gang and the few idiots milling about. "I can hurt you far more by humiliating you among your friends." Pausing I look him in the eye and squeeze a little harder. "I'm not Buffy. I will never be Buffy. You don't mean anything to me and you've been working really hard to put yourself on my shit list. So, before I ruin what little respect you have among your peers, I recommend you obey and shut the fuck up."
He gives me a look like he is considering disregarding my words. I don't want to hurt him. Not like this. Not like I said I would. Xander's pride gets wounded enough and I really don't feel like making a fool of him, but I will. I wait barely hearing the drama behind me, my attention utterly focused on him. Finally, he gives a nod and moves back towards Cordelia who had been moving closer to us. Undoubtedly, she'd been about to intervene.
"I'm sorry you guys don't understand. I'm sorry I can't explain it. I just had to go through it. I had to deal with it." I hear Buffy behind me. It sounds like she's crying or close to it.
"Did you even try to explain it to us Buffy? Did you even try talking to us?" Willow asks the hurt so evident in her voice I can practically feel it.
"How could I explain it to you?" I turn to look at Buffy. Her words resonate inside of me. I can relate. How can we explain everything we go through to someone who will never bear the responsibility we bear?
"You could have tried?" The words slide past Joyce's lips as tears slip down her cheeks.
"I couldn't. You messed up and so did I. I get that Mom and I'm sorry. I just couldn't explain it to you then. I'm not even sure I could explain all of it to you now."
Joyce looks to me and I feel like a deer caught in the headlight. "Will you?" She asks and I don't dare look at Buffy as I nod.
"How can you explain it to her?" She asks outrage and pain as evident as her tears. I just shake my head.
"As best I can."
"Yeah, that's an explanation in it of itself." The sarcasm leaks out like venom.
"Buffy I am not your enemy in this." I tell her with another shake of my head. "I told those people to leave. I kept Xander quiet. I've tried to make this less of a scene." I move closer to her. "If you need someone to fight, I'm here. If you need blood and pain to make you feel better then let's go. I can hurt you just as much as you can hurt me. I can take everything you have to give and more." I move closer still making Joyce shift nervously and Buffy look at me like I've lost my mind.
"Okay guys I'm going to step in now being referee guy." Oz says stepping up to me and Buffy.
"No, let them go, Oz. Talking about it isn't helping. We might as well try some violence."
"Shit." I let out as a man crashes through the window.
"I was being sarcastic." Willow calls out as all hell starts to break loose. In seconds the house is being overrun. I pause for a second as the screaming continues looking over the man who crashed through the window. If he's not dead then I'm a monkey's uncle.
"Fucking Sunnydale and it's fucking Zombies." Looking around I know we're screwed. There are too many of them and too few of us. Grabbing the dead guy who barreled through the window I throw him out the same window. "There are too many ways in and not enough places to hide. If you can run then get the fuck out. Otherwise hide or fight." I scream out to the remaining idiots. A few nods and start making their way to the nearest exit. Hopefully there aren't any zombies in the kitchen. If I remember the Summer house layout all we have are back door, front door and basement hatch. "Go to the basement and out the hatch." I scream to the kids around me. "It's the first door on the right in the kitchen across and to the left of the back door." I see nods as a zombie comes straight for me. I block and kick him out of my way but he just gets up and starts back for me.
"Of course, I don't remember a single thing in the handbook regarding zombies." I say out loud hoping for a touch of inspiration to hit me. Obviously, it doesn't and the zombie makes another attack. Again, I repel and instead of attacking again it moves towards the stairs as if drawn to something. "That can't possibly be good." I let it go hoping instead of engaging in another pointless fight, to make sure the innocents got out okay. I go through the first floor, find a boy injured and dazed. He's small, brown hair, and brown eyes. He looks at me and something about him look familiar.
"Hey, you, okay?" I ask keeping my voice low.
"No, but I'm fine. Are they gone?" He asks his voice a touch scratchy.
"No, they just aren't here, upstairs I think." He nods and I help him up.
"Where are we going?"
"We aren't going anywhere. You are going out the back door and getting as far away from this house as possible." I get him to the kitchen and open the door. "I wish I could take you but I got to help the others.
He nods. "Thanks. I'm Johnathan by the way."
I give him a small smile. "Faith." I give him a little push out the door. "Go run. Don't stop till you get home. Lock the doors and don't go out again tonight." He nods and starts to run. I watch him as he opens the backyard face and disappears into the night. Looking up at the commotion I hear upstairs I sigh and then release a scream as a hand grabs me from behind.
"Some Slayer you are." Cordelia says with a snicker.
"Fuck. Shit. Jesus. I could kill you for that. I mean fuck. You damn near gave me a heart attack."
"Yeah, but it was funny." I hear Oz chuckle behind her.
"Yeah, really funny that we might have attracted all those zombies back down here." I tell him with a snort. "Come on we have to help them upstairs."
"Do we really?" I hear Cordelia behind me.
"Yes." I let out simply and grab a knife from the butcher block. Checking the edge, I grab the iron skillet off the stove. Not the most conventional weapon but a cast iron skillet can fuck you up fast.
"You look like Betty Crocker gone mad."
"Funny C."
I hear a creak around the corner and move swiftly towards it. Raising the skillet, I swing as I come around the corner. The gasp makes me shift my weight throwing my left arm out to help change the course of the skillet's momentum and shove whatever human fool was sneaking around out of the way.
"Giles are you okay?" Cordelia asks bending down to help get him off the floor.
"Yes, quiet." He says looking up at me and the skillet.
"That was close." I tell him softly.
"Quiet."
"So, you have any idea why the house is being overrun with zombies?
"Yes." The succinct answer makes my eyebrow arch up and he nods. "It's Joyce's tribal mask. It holds the power of a demon called Ovu Mobani, the evil eye. If one of the zombies get it, it will become the embodiment of the demon."
"So, that's worse than a zombie?" Cordelia asks making both Giles and I give her a look.
"Yes." Giles answers simply.
"Well, that's bad." I say kneeling down at near the stairs. "I'm sure we can't get past them all. Is there a way to destroy the mask?"
"Um, yes, if one of the zombies puts it on then we have to destroy it's eyes in order to defeat it."
"So, a zombie has to put it on? We can't just destroy the mask?" I ask looking up the stairs.
"Well, we could destroy the mask if we were capable of getting to it." Giles points out making me nod.
"Yeah, well, I got nothing." I say looking at him and then Cordelia. Giles begins to climb up the stairs and we start to slowly follow.
"I'm glad you're so on top of things." She gives me a look and I smile despite the situation.
"Hey, I'm usually more of an action girl." A crash upstairs makes me look back up.
"Out back." Giles calls out and we go to move back down only to be blocked by a zombie.
"Fuck." I curse grabbing the zombie and trying to keep it away from the others. This fucker is strong and he's forcing me back. Whoever the fuck this kid was he was definitely on the football team. Asshole is built like a linebacker.
"Tell Buffy the only way to defeat him is to destroy his eyes." I hear from behind me and someone jumps. I figure it's Oz since Cordelia would never jump a banister. That dress would have her sprawled on the floor in a minute. Grappling with the zombie I force him towards the front door. It's been torn to pieces but the faster I get this guy away from the others the better. "Go help Joyce." I call over my shoulder. I can hear scrambling and grunting coming from upstairs still, which means even though the demon got the mask, the zombies are still attacking.
"Buffy!"
The zombie in front of me disappears making me fall forward. I regain my balance and look around. He's gone. Turning towards the door I see Giles and Cordelia coming down the stairs and I move towards the living room looking at the wreckage. Joyce is going to have one major bill on her hand fixing all the damage.
"Buffy!" I turn looking at Joyce, Willow, and Xander running down the stairs. Man do I hear her name called out a lot. "Honey! Are you alright?"
"Yeah."
"So, is this a typical day at the office?"
"No. This was nothing."
"Nice moves." Xander says and Buffy gives him a hug. I stand back with Giles and look on as the group surrounds Buffy. I let out a little sigh. She is the sun and they are the planets surrounding her, gravitating towards her.
"Well, anyone want some cake before we start cleaning up?" I ask looking at Joyce and then the mess around us.
"Cake?" Buffy asks confused. I look up to see every eye trained on me and a grin plastered on Cordelia's face.
"Yeah, Faith baked you a welcome home cake." She says with a little snigger making me frown.
"That sounds lovely Faith." Joyce says coming towards me with a smile. I just nod and watch as she takes my hand to lead me to the kitchen. You'd think I didn't know where it was. "What kind did you bake?"
"Uh, checkerboard."
"Checkerboard?" I hear from behind me making me turn and give Xander a look. He's got a shit eating grin on his face that I would love to wipe off.
"Yes, checkerboard. It's angel cake and chocolate."
"That, that sounds lovely Faith." Giles says placatingly. I wonder if he realizes how condescending he occasionally sounds.
"Oh, and you guys will love her decorations." Cordelia pipes in with glee.
"You decorated it too?" Joyce asks with a smile, surprised.
"Yes." I tell her feeling a blush start working its way up my neck and into my cheeks.
"Are we embarrassing the big bad slayer." Cordelia teases making me grit my teeth.
"Keep it up Cordy and you are not spending the weekend at my place." She gasps and places her hand up on her chest.
"You wouldn't"
"I would." I answer crisply.
"You would I suppose but I have a key." She tells me smugly and I just curse.
"You have a key to Faith's place?" Xander asks confused and a touch jealous?
"Yeah, of course I do." Cordy answers like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"Well, isn't this lovely." Joyce says taking the cake out of the fridge. "It looks store bought."
"Uh, yeah, I got the box and platform at the mall. I wanted it to look nice." I tell her again feeling the blush burn into my cheeks.
"Oh!" She says opening the box and looking at the cake. "That's very impressive Faith." She says with a touch of confusion.
"I forgot about the whole party thing. I thought it was going to be a smaller affair. I wouldn't have decorated it like that if I'd remembered." I explained feeling even more embarrassed.
"It's not like I didn't tell you it was a party." Cordelia pipes in.
"It's not like I always pay attention to what you say C."
"Well, I'm betting from now on you're going to start paying attention, now, aren't you?" She asks with a smirk. I just nod my head and watch as the others crowd around Joyce to look at the cake and then look at me.
"A cemetery scene? How fitting." Giles says with a little smile. I try to return it but I know it's shaky at best. Looking around at the others I forgot how much I dislike being the center of attention. The old me, the other me liked it but it was just a way of distracting herself from the inner turmoil. I haven't had as much time playing at seductress and party girl. I've spent exactly zero minutes looking to be the center.
"It's amazing." Willow pipes in giving me a look of awe.
"Yeah, well I was short of time. I should have given myself another couple of hours. I would have put a little more detail in the dirt and grass." I tell her pointing to the two. It's not my best work. The edges are a little rough but that's what I get for keeping it simple and not giving myself enough time."
"If that's you not having enough time, I would like to see what you do when you have a ton of it." She says giving me a little smile.
"Ha you should see my mini layer cakes that I make for tea. I also do mini tarts. Those things are both complex and taxing. My scones are the best though. Katherine used to let me make scones every week along with whatever new recipe I was experimenting with." I grin at the memory. Katherine loved my cranberry orange scones. She said I made them perfect. Just the right combination of tart and sweet. Her second favorite were my lemon glazed scone and of course my black forest scone. That one was the most interesting one to learn how to make.
"So, you like to bake?" Joyce asks bringing me back to the present.
"It's a bit of a hobby. I like the science behind it and the artistry. It makes both sides of my brain work just a little bit harder than normal." I tell her with a smile.