For The Seireitei Discord Server's Collaboration Challenge, written with LethanWolf.
…
Five Times Toshiro Didn't Tell Rangiku How He Felt
1.
"Captain?"
"Yeah, Kid?"
"Have you ever been in love?"
Toshiro watched as Captain Shiba paused over his paperwork, his chocolate brown eyes rising to meet Toshiro's own. The man tilted his head quizzically.
"No, I don't believe I have," he answered, popping his brush back in the ink pot. "Why do you ask?"
Toshiro shrugged and glanced back down at his own paperwork.
It was a warm day outside, and Toshiro had opened the window behind his desk so the afternoon breeze could filter in and cool him. While that was nice and calming, the sounds he could hear in the Squad Ten gardens had him largely distracted from his paperwork.
He could hear her, and she was giggling.
It wasn't unfamiliar, Rangiku giggled a lot. She was playful, cheeky and entertained easily when teasing others.
She teased Toshiro frequently.
"Do you think you're in love?" Captain Shiba asked, following up like Toshiro hoped he wouldn't.
It had been the third seat's fault for asking, but he had been hoping for more of an understanding about the feeling of love. He wanted to know if that's what he felt.
It was hard to explain, Toshiro just knew that he felt something. He felt like… well, when he saw Lieutenant Shiba from Squad Thirteen with his own third seat, and they were holding hands and smiling at each other… that's what Toshiro wanted to do... with Rangiku.
Again, because he wasn't much of a liar and the whole thing seemed silly, Toshiro shrugged to answer. Captain Shiba's deep chuckle followed.
Why that was funny, Toshiro didn't know.
"I just wanted to know what it feels like," he mumbled quietly, embarrassed now.
"Well I'm not sure I am the right person to ask, Kid," the captain sighed then. "I haven't met 'the one' yet."
"'The one'?" Toshiro glanced up, finding the man smiling softly at him.
"You know, 'the one'. The person who makes your heart race, the person who is constantly on your mind. 'The one' is the person you want to always be with, the one you would do anything to see smile."
Toshiro's brow furrowed thoughtfully. As if knowing he was thinking of her, Rangiku's delicate giggle filtered through the window again. He glanced out to the garden, but he couldn't see her. She was likely under the large Japanese Maple tree around the corner from their office. She often liked to sit under it on warm days, napping under the fiery red canopy.
He didn't know what was making her giggle so much, but he could see her smiling in his mind and that did make his heart race.
Rangiku was 'the one' he decided, she was everything Captain Shiba described.
"What do you do when you meet 'the one'?"
Captain Shiba's lips pursed, his expression amused. Toshiro stared, still not understanding the humour.
"You would tell them how you feel," the captain smirked. "If they really are 'the one', they'll feel the same."
"What if she doesn't feel the same?"
"All those feelings you have for her, she should feel for you too," the captain explained, his smile softer now and frighteningly genuine. "Sometimes it takes a little while to figure out, but if you're 'the one' for her too, she'll know it one day."
Toshiro chewed his lip thoughtfully, his ink brush rolling back and forth between his fingertips.
Tell her how he feels? Could he really do that?
He heard her distant laugh again and saw that beautiful smile in his mind.
Toshiro didn't know if he was constantly on her mind like she was on his, or if he made her heart race too. He did know, however, that she would do anything to make him smile. She had always looked after him and protected him. Once upon a time, he had been a scrawny nobody in Junrinan, leaking icy Spiritual Pressure without realising, and Rangiku had saved his life - and Granny's. She had nurtured him through the academy, and his early recruitment into her own squad. She had promised to always have his back and he had promised her the same.
It seemed, to Toshiro at least, that maybe she did always want to be with him too.
He wanted to tell her how he felt.
"Captain," Toshiro swallowed nervously. "Please may I leave work early today?"
"Yes, you can," Captain Shiba snorted in amusement. "Go now, and don't forget to take flowers!"
"Flowers?" Toshiro asked as he stood from his desk but thought better of the question and quickly shook his head. "Never mind-"
More laughter erupted from the office as Toshiro slipped quickly from the room, his cheeks heated as he hurried down the corridors. Thankfully it was a quiet afternoon in the barracks, and none of the other officers paid him much mind as he weaved between them and out into the Squad Ten gardens.
He couldn't see Rangiku yet, but he did see a bed of daffodils by the water fountain. Because of the time of year, the flowers were on their way out. It was a bit of a sad sight, but Toshiro knew the new bulbs would be planted soon and the circle of life for the Tenth's flower symbol would continue on.
He found the most lively ones he could, picking the best ten, before tying those ten together with a long blade of grass he plucked from the ground.
Toshiro held the makeshift bouquet up and sighed. It wasn't the most luxurious of gifts, but hopefully Rangiku would appreciate the gesture.
She was 'the one', after all.
With that in mind, Toshiro smiled to himself, holding the flowers close to his chest as he turned and marched towards Rangiku's favourite Maple tree.
He rounded the corner and saw her instantly, his heart skipping a beat.
She was resting against the tree's trunk, her golden hair dancing gently in the breeze. She was smiling that beautiful smile of hers as she looked up at the red leaves and Toshiro grinned widely as he hurried towards her, flowers in hand.
It wasn't until he was much closer, too close to run away unnoticed, that Toshiro spotted the white haori higher up in the branches.
"You're such a flirt, Gin," Rangiku giggled up to the haori.
"That's hypocritical, my love," a smooth voice teased back playfully.
Toshiro's smile slipped off his face. 'My love'?
He knew who the haori up in the branches was; it was Captain Gin Ichimaru. Toshiro hadn't thought much of it before, but the man was often lingering around the Tenth waiting for Rangiku to finish her duties for the day. 'My love' was telling, however...
"Toshiro!" Rangiku beamed up at the third seat, noticing him now. "What have you got there?"
Her eyes fell to the flowers in Toshiro's hand and the third seat glanced down at them too, taking a beat to remember what they were and why he had them.
In a quick panic, he whipped them behind his back in an effort to hide them.
The lieutenant flash stepped in front of him, her pretty blue eyes sparkling brightly.
"Flowers?" she queried with another giggle. "Who for?"
"N-no one," Toshiro stammered. "W-what flowers?"
Rangiku's brow dipped, perplexed. A beat of silence followed as Toshiro swallowed, eyeing the haori in the tree. He couldn't see Ichimaru well, but he knew he was there, watching.
Embarrassed, Toshiro turned to flash step away, but Rangiku caught him by the collar of his uniform. She reached behind him and snatched the flowers from his hand. They looked even more sad and sorry in her hand. Only two of the flowers were strong enough to stand, the rest were limp and lifeless. In comparison to Rangiku's bright colouring, the flowers looked dull, unworthy of being looked at by someone as beautiful as her.
"Daffodils?" she cooed anyway as Toshiro winced. "Are they for me?"
Cheeks heating, Toshiro ducked, only able to shake his head. Rangiku knew better though, always seeing through his weak lies. She swooned and the next thing Toshiro knew, he was being hugged to her tightly. His face found itself naturally in between her deadly breasts as he squawked and tried to escape.
Rangiku released him after a minute, her famous giggle the first thing Toshiro heard.
"Don't tell me you have a crush on me now?" she teased him of course. "I know I am youthful but I'm no child, Toshiro."
"Neither am I!" he snapped, perhaps reacting more aggressively than he wanted to. "And I don't have a crush on you!"
That wasn't a lie. It wasn't a crush when the person was 'the one', right?
Rangiku's lips were pursed with amusement and her eyes narrowed at him, seeing through him.
"Keep the flowers," he muttered, knocking her other hand away from his collar.
He turned and stalked off quickly. He heard her call back to him, thanking him for the 'beautiful' flowers, but her voice was dim compared to the pounding of his heart in his chest. His eyes stung with disappointment and humiliation.
When he reached the corner of the building, Toshiro paused to glance back at his lieutenant. She was smiling widely as she returned to the tree, smelling the half dead flowers as she went. Ichimaru hopped down from the branch and she showed him the daffodils, presenting them proudly. The Squad Three Captain grinned his stupid sly smirk, and then he kissed her.
Toshiro closed his eyes, the scene too painful to watch. He sighed as he rounded the corner and made his way back to the office with slumped shoulders.
He supposed he should finish his paperwork - and let Captain Shiba know he hadn't met 'the one' yet either.
…
2.
Grey clouds hung over the Squad Ten barracks.
Toshiro sighed as he glanced up at them. They were his fault.
Sometimes when he was sad or in a bad mood, he would selfishly allow the weather to reflect how he was feeling. He had to unsheath Hyorinmaru to do it, but that was easily done under the pretense of training.
He was discreet usually, no one would think any different of an overcast sky, and rain was certainly not uncommon at this time of year.
No one knew he was sad today. Well, maybe not sad, but certainly upset.
Today was Rangiku's birthday. Toshiro had hoped to spend it with her, because he knew how important birthdays were to his lieutenant. He had planned a few surprises, but unfortunately it might have been the 'keeping it a secret' part that ultimately unravelled Toshiro's plan; Yesterday, Rangiku had swanned into the office, gushing about how Ichimaru, her boyfriend of many years now, had told her he was taking her out for her birthday. Toshiro had tried not to let the disappointment show on his face or in his mood, because Rangiku was happy, and that's what he wanted for her on her birthday.
He simply granted her the day off when she asked, though he had already booked the both of them off anyway, and revelled in the long hug she gave him in thanks.
His feelings for her had never changed, not even after he found out Ichimaru was her boyfriend.
Captain Shiba, blissfully unaware of who Toshiro had been speaking about in the office that afternoon, comforted the disheartened third seat when he returned to announce that 'the one' wasn't 'the one'.
Toshiro had said that, but he hadn't truly believed it.
Captain Shiba had told him not to give up. He said to give it time.
Toshiro had given it time, a decade in fact, and in that time they'd lost Captain Shiba and Toshiro had been promoted to captain. His bond with Rangiku had grown stronger during that tragedy, and yet nothing had really changed. That was why Rangiku was going out with Ichimaru on her birthday, and why Toshiro was swinging his sword around in an empty training ground.
The captain sighed again, his sword arm falling limp as he gave up. Perhaps it was time to give himself that pep talk to get over himself and bake that cake for Rangiku - one of his many planned surprises for her.
Toshiro dragged himself back to his quarters but stopped in his tracks, an unexpected sight greeting him; Rangiku, sitting on the steps to their shared porch, looking sadder than he had seen her in a long time.
"Matsumoto?"
Rangiku glanced up at him in surprise. "Captain! What are you doing home so early?"
"I booked the day off," Toshiro frowned. "What are you doing home?"
"I was waiting for Gin," Rangiku sighed, grimacing as she looked away. "He was supposed to meet me here this morning, but I just got a Hell butterfly message that he's had to cancel for work."
Toshiro blinked. Ichimaru ditched his 'love' on her birthday?
"Dump him," Toshiro suggested seriously, which earned a humoured snort from Rangiku who clearly thought he was joking.
"It's fine," she sighed, standing slowly. "We'll celebrate later. I'm just disappointed, that's all."
Well Toshiro knew that feeling. Rangiku was about to return to her quarters alone before he called out to her again.
"I came home to bake you a cake," he told her carefully. "Do you want to help?"
"Aw, Captain!" she swooned in surprise, baby blue eyes lighting up. "You're so sweet!"
Toshiro rolled his eyes at her antics, brushing off the compliment with a bored 'whatever' as he moved past her to the door of his quarters. She followed him inside and to the kitchen, where Toshiro had everything already set up.
Rangiku was buzzing around the kitchen excitedly, looking at all the ingredients laid out and the book open to her favourite cake recipe (triple choc fudge). After a moment, she gasped at something she spotted over Toshiro's shoulder.
Toshiro turned to see the balloons and a wrapped gift sitting on his dining table. Another surprise for her. The captain held his hand out for Rangiku; she was beaming when she took it and allowed him to lead her over to the table.
"Happy birthday, Matsumoto," he murmured, handing her the gift wrapped in pink paper.
Rangiku bit her lip, bouncing on her toes as she took the present and tore the paper off in one swift movement. Toshiro's eyes followed the paper as it fell to the ground and he tried not to be sad about his perfect wrap job going to waste so quickly. It was worth it though, for Rangiku's expression was astonished when she unwrapped the baby pink scarf he'd gotten her.
"Where did you get this?" she asked in a breath.
"The Living World," Toshiro answered. "I know you like the clothes there and the lady in the shop said it's the latest fashion."
It had been an ordeal actually. Toshiro first had to get permission to go to the human world, which meant he had to lie to the Head Captain (since 'shopping' was not a valid reason to go), and get a slightly-illegal gigai from Urahara. On top of that, Toshiro had to go into multiple fashion stores and ask the staff for advice on what to get the most beautiful woman in existence for her birthday.
It was humiliating, but again, worth it to see the happiness on Rangiku's face.
Rangiku cooed, and slowly she unfolded the scarf and placed it around her shoulders. Toshiro couldn't help but smile as he watched.
"I love it, Captain," she murmured, her eyes bright and sparkling as she looked at him. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, I know how important your birthday is for you," he told her softly as her eyes stayed on him. "Now come help me with this cake."
He turned and marched back into the kitchen, knowing she would follow.
Together they read the recipe and started adding the ingredients together, but it soon became apparent that Rangiku's excitement for the day had tipped her over into silly mode.
"Hey Captain," she giggled and when Toshiro turned to her, she blew flour into his face. "Look at you, you're a little snow angel!"
Toshiro pursed his lips and wiped the flour from his eyes.
"That's mean, Matsumoto," he said sternly, but quickly picked up a handful of sugar and dumped it on top of her head. "You should be sweeter."
Rangiku gasped, and for a moment Toshiro thought he'd gone too far, messing up her beloved hair, but then she cackled.
"That was a Captain Shiba-level dad joke!" she accused him. "You can do butter than that."
She clapped her hands against his cheeks quickly, and Toshiro inferred from the joke and the squelching that she had just covered his face in soft butter.
He couldn't help but laugh at that, and that seemed to set her off too. For several minutes, they were almost silent as they laughed hard enough to be more breathless wheezing than anything.
Rangiku was still giggling when Toshiro gestured her closer, promising her he wasn't going to throw any other ingredients at her (especially when she expressed concern that her new scarf would be ruined). She came to him, and Toshiro sucked in a breath at the closeness. She was still grinning ear to ear, her expression filled with humour and delight.
Toshiro reached up to her hair and started to brush the sugar out with his fingers. It fell away easily, unable to cling to the impossibly soft golden locks. He glanced down at her and found himself lost in her eyes again.
They were beautiful and dancing with joy.
Toshiro lowered his hand from her hair to her cheek, cupping it gently. All those feelings he had for her were bubbling in his chest, and his eyes slid to her lips. He wanted to kiss her, to know what it felt like when he saw Ichimaru do it. He wanted to tell her she was 'the one'.
Toshiro opened his mouth to speak. "Matsumoto, I-"
"Ran-chan?"
The Squad Ten leaders whipped around to find none other than Gin Ichimaru at the kitchen entrance. Eyes squinting, sly smirk in place, hands folded into his sleeves.
"Gin," Rangiku frowned. "What are you doing here?"
"Finished work, came to take you out," the other captain drawled. "No one was home next door, but the door was open here. I see I've interrupted something."
Toshiro, realising how close he still was to Rangiku, promptly stepped away, turning to clean up the mess they had made.
He pretended to give them privacy, but his hearing was strained as he tried to listen in. They were whispering now, but the tone was less than pleasant. They were arguing.
"Captain," Rangiku's guilty tone called out to him after a minute and Toshiro braced himself for the forthcoming rejection - again. "We're going to go out now."
"Enjoy yourself," Toshiro nodded curtly, refusing to look at Gin who was still standing in his kitchen, uninvited, while he was still covered in flour and butter.
"What about the cake?" Rangiku pouted, though it lacked the energy of her usual theatrics.
"Don't worry about it," Toshiro waved her off. "I'll finish it and you can have it tomorrow if you want."
Rangiku sighed and nodded, before she took Gin by the hand and left with him. Toshiro watched them through the kitchen window, walking off under the overcast sky, the first drops of rain starting to fall.
…
3.
She was gone again.
Toshiro had to take deep, calming breaths as he made his way through the barracks.
The sun was swelteringly high in the sky, which added to the captain's bad mood. He could feel the beads of sweat perspiring on his forehead and the slide of his uniform against his skin. It was uncomfortable.
In the office he had a small basin of water close to his desk that he could utilise to keep the space cool. The issue with the office was that it contained a stack of papers that required a dual signature from both the captain and lieutenant of the tenth and the lieutenant was subsequently missing.
As she always was on hot sunny days.
"Have you seen Lieutenant Matsumoto?" Toshiro asked one of the nearby guards who was dozing in the heat as he tried to maintain his watch.
"Ah- no- no Sir! Sorry Sir!" the man said, standing straighter.
Toshiro ran an aggravated hand through his white hair. It had grown longer over the years as he grew taller. He was no longer the awkward young boy who had taken Rangiku those daffodils over a decade ago. His limbs were spindally and awkward as he grew, but the youthful chub in his cheeks had started to give way to sharp cheekbones and a pointed chin.
Toshiro now held himself like a captain should.
"Thanks anyway," he turned and walked back in the direction of the squad ten grounds.
On hot sunny days like this, Rangiku was usually found sprawled out asleep on the grass somewhere. Toshiro had already checked most of her usual sleeping spots, including her favourite napping place under the giant Maple where he'd given her the flowers. The search grew more fruitless by the minute, as he couldn't even sense her spiritual pressure. Whatever she was doing, she didn't want to be found.
"Toshiro?"
Toshiro turned to see Captain Ukitake and Lieutenant Shiba walking around the grounds. The long white haired captain beamed at him and Toshiro smiled pleasantly back. He'd always been fond of the squad thirteen captain, he'd given Toshiro so much help and direction when he'd had to prematurely take the spot over from Captain Shiba.
"Good afternoon, Captain Ukitake," Toshiro said, giving the elder man a small bow. The captain waved him off with a hand.
"We were just showing young Rukia here around the grounds," he nodded to a young girl, around Toshiro's age that he'd not noticed before. She had jet black hair and deep purple eyes and bowed very low in response.
"It's true what they say, eh Rukia? The squad ten grounds are some of the most beautiful," Lieutenant Shiba placed an elbow on top of the young girl's head and pretended to lean on her.
"I hope you don't mind," Captain Ukitake said with a soft smile.
"Not at all," Toshiro replied, returning the elder man's smile. "I don't suppose you've seen my Lieutenant around on your travels have you?" he asked.
"We did as a matter of fact," the captain replied, "we saw her and Captain Ichimaru heading toward the third division."
That would explain why Toshiro couldn't feel her spiritual pressure.
The usual wave of jealousy rose in his stomach, but he beat it back with practiced ease. Thanking Captain Ukitake and wishing them all a pleasant day, Toshiro changed direction and headed for the third. In retrospect he should have considered it as an option, but usually Gin Ichimaru spent his time around the tenth, likely just to flaunt his girlfriend in Toshiro's face. He'd noticed the man had taken to smiling knowingly at Toshiro ever since the cake baking incident.
Toshiro hated him.
He raced across the rooftops in the direction of the third division, his mood fouling more with each step in the heat. Gin repeatedly let Rangiku down, always opting for work over his commitments with her that left Toshiro picking up the pieces, and each time he returned she'd run back to him. It frustrated Toshiro that Rangiku couldn't see she deserved better.
As he drew close to the third, he felt her spiritual pressure. It was as familiar to him as his own heartbeat, but as he approached he sensed it fluctuating. Confused as to what kind of training they could possibly be doing, he touched down close to the third division's office. The windows were closed, but the door was ever-so-slightly ajar. Wincing at the thought of how hot the room must be, Toshiro made his way toward the door and pushed it open.
Rangiku had her back to Toshiro as she sat on Captain Ichimaru's desk. It took Toshiro's brain a moment to catch up to what his eyes were seeing as the captain stood between her legs, one arm wrapped around her waist and pulling her flush against his body, the other wandering inside her uniform and his mouth against hers.
Like a deer caught in headlights, Toshiro stood, frozen. His mouth slightly open, and the ugly feeling of jealousy and hurt clawing at his insides. The two were entangled in each others' embrace, in a room where anyone could have walked in to find them like this!
"Matsumoto!" Toshiro snapped, an angry hot flush climbing up his neck. The two jumped apart. Rangiku turned to glance back at Toshiro, her eyes wide with remorse, while behind her Captain Ichimaru's sleek smile stretched across his face.
"C-Captain!" Rangiku stuttered, fixing the front of her uniform as Toshiro diverted his eyes. "I'm sorry we were just-"
"I know perfectly well what you were both doing, I'm not a child anymore!" he shot back, certainly acting like one. The retort only served to make Ichimaru grin wider still.
"I'm sorry-" Rangiku started again but Toshiro cut over the top of her.
"I have paperwork in our office, where you should be, that requires dual signatures. When you're finished, maybe you'd like to come and do your job?"
Toshiro couldn't justify why he was so angry with her. Partly born out of his own embarrassment at finding her in such a situation and his jealousy that it was Ichimaru and not him who had been kissing her. Neither feeling merited the scolding he was giving her, but as her superior he did have the right to be angry that this was how she'd chosen to spend her work time.
Without waiting for a response, Toshiro turned on his heel and left the office.
He didn't speak to her as they made their way back to the tenth division. He could feel her spiritual pressure following obediently behind him. Toshiro walked into the office and marched toward the desk, sitting behind it and pulling the next lot of paperwork toward him.
He felt humiliated, even though it hadn't been him who'd been caught getting groped in an office.
"I'm really, really sorry Toshiro-"
"It's Captain Hitsugaya," he said, his eyes flashing up to her. Rangiku stood in the middle of the office, her body language uncomfortable and she flinched away from his tone. Toshiro swallowed, trying his best to reign in his spiritual pressure. He knew the frost bit her differently, she had an affiliation with heat and sunshine.
She was, in every way, his opposite.
His heart ached in his chest as he looked down at his paperwork. He could feel a dry stinging in his eyes and his throat was tight, like someone had wrapped a hand around it and was slowly choking him. Toshiro wanted to scoop her into his arms and keep her as far away from Ichimaru as he could. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him, wanted to tell her about his feelings, but as always, he said nothing.
"Toshiro," her voice was so soft.
Rangiku moved toward him slowly, as if she were approaching a frightened cat or an injured puppy. When he glanced up at her, her baby blue eyes were so full of tender care that he felt the anger inside him melt, replaced with shame and guilt.
"I'm sorry," she said again.
Toshiro sighed.
"I know."
"I won't do it again."
That hurt more, because Toshiro knew she meant she wouldn't do it again where they'd get caught. He wanted her to mean that she'd never do it again with anyone, ever. The thought of what went on behind the closed doors to their living quarters was too much for Toshiro to bear. He knew it had happened of course, but it was a very real thing when you saw it right in front of you. Now he could picture more vividly how Ichimaru's hands would move over her body, how he would touch her, how he would hold her, how he would kiss her.
Toshiro quickly looked back down at his paperwork, but he was sure Rangiku had already seen the pain in his eyes.
"I promise," she said, picking up the pile of dual signature work he had left for her and moving over to the couch to sit and work through them.
…
4.
When a heart broke there was no sound. Toshiro rather imagined that if it could be heard, it would sound fragile, like the tinkling of broken glass in a large room where the sound was almost lost or perhaps it would sound painful? Like the bow of a violin being pulled the wrong way across the strings, elongated by an expert hand that wanted the suffering to last.
No you couldn't hear a heartbreak, but you could feel it and you could see it.
Toshiro had felt his own breaking a number of times throughout his life. Once when he realised that Captain Shiba was gone and wouldn't return. Then there were all the times he'd seen Rangiku with Captain Ichimaru. It felt like a wound that never got the chance to heal properly, forever being reopened just as raw as the first time he'd been cut.
Toshiro had only seen Rangiku with a broken heart once. When they'd mourned the loss of their Captain together. Toshiro had been a lot younger back then, relying on her to be the strength for the two of them.
Now she needed him.
The smell of alcohol made Toshiro's nose wrinkle as he stepped into the barracks chamber. The room was designed as a break area for seated officers, where a number of tables and chairs sat beside various windows. There were only a few bodies present, one was Lieutenant Izuru who had passed out drunk wearing nothing but a loin cloth and Lieutenant Hisagi who was trying to rouse the man and pull him away for treatment at the fourth.
Toshiro only had eyes for the final person left. Rangiku was sitting with her back leaning against a wall, her expression forlorn and broken. Beside her on the table was a number of sake bottles and judging by the stickiness on the floor and the smell, Toshiro assumed most of them were now empty.
"Rangiku," he used her first name, informally to let her know that he was here as her friend, not her superior.
She turned to look up at him. Her baby blue eyes, which were always so full of mischief and love, looked blank and sad. Toshiro could feel his heart clench in response. Somewhere behind them, Hisagi had succeeded in getting Izuru up from the floor and out of the space, leaving Toshiro and Rangiku completely alone.
Toshiro sighed and pulled one of the chairs around, positioning it directly in front of her as he sat down. When he looked at her, there was so much he wanted to say. He wanted to thank her for choosing him over Gin, wanted to tell her how much it meant to him, how much she meant to him, but when he looked at her and saw how broken she was, he knew it wasn't the right time to admit his feelings.
"Thank you," he said instead, "for protecting Momo."
Rangiku tried to smile, but failed. Toshiro hated seeing her in this much pain. It was as if her eyes had no tears they could shed. Toshiro was sure that her crying would look less painful than this dead look she now fixed him with.
"Why did you protect her?" he asked, trying to get a response from her.
"He was going to kill her…" she replied.
"I know."
Rangiku swallowed thickly, clearly trying to keep her emotions in check, "I had to protect her, I had to protect you."
Toshiro clenched his jaw. He knew she didn't mean it the way he so desperately wanted her too. She meant that she was loyal to him and the Gotei 13th, that she understood her responsibility, still it didn't stop a small part of him hoping.
"I can't…" Rangiku trailed off, looking down at her hands, which were shaking. Without even thinking about it, Toshiro reached out and took them, steadying them in his. He marvelled at how soft her skin was and the chipped pale pink nailpolish she had that matched the scarf he'd given her. Her hands slotted perfectly into his. There had been a time before they'd once held hands, when Toshiro had been helping her nurse a particularly bad hangover. Back then his hands had been much smaller in hers, now they were nearly the same size. It made him smile, to think that one day, he might be bigger than her.
Such a trivial thing to consider, in light of the evening's events.
"I didn't think he'd ever… do something so cruel…" she whispered.
Toshiro didn't know what to say. How could words take away the pain of a lover's betrayal? Gin and Rangiku had known each other since they were young children. Toshiro couldn't understand Gin. What possible motivation could there be to abandon your lover, especially someone as incredible as Rangiku Matsumoto.
Rangiku looked at him, desperately seeking answers in his eyes, but Toshiro had none he could give her. Instead he reached out and pulled her tightly against his chest. She wrapped her arms around him, her hands snaking up and around his neck. She held her composure for a moment longer, then the dam finally gave way and she sobbed into his chest.
Toshiro had never heard a heart break before, but the sound of hers shattering ripped his own apart.
…
5.
The phrase "opposites attract" may have been true in some settings. Toshiro had never considered that it might be true for different elements.
Around him scorched burning heat. It licked at his own protective barriers, sizzling when it made contact with his ice but that didn't stop its relentless desire to permeate his shield. They were training in one of his favourite caves, a three day hike outside the Seireitei. Toshiro had been convinced that Rangiku would have complained about the walk, but she was unusually placid, only moaning once over a broken nail.
After the Quincy War, Toshiro had offered to help her train for bankai. At first she'd been hesitant, but after a couple of decades of peace, she'd grown anxious that the next war would arrive and she'd not be able to protect the people she loved. Toshiro had offered to take her to his usual training spot and help her train. She'd finally accepted.
They'd been here for over a week now, training together. He'd fish and hunt game to cook in the evening while she made a trip into town with their limited money to buy some bread and vegetables. It was rough living, but they'd managed.
Toshiro had shed the upper half of his uniform hours ago. Rangiku was so close, the scorching heat that emitted from her told him that. He knew that her bankai would have some affiliation to heat, given the ash appearance of her shikai and her love for hot weather. He'd not realised how compatible their elements would be until they'd trained together.
Fire and ice could be deadly when used together.
"Steady your sword arm, relax your shoulders," Toshiro instructed. His deeper voice reverberated off the rocky walls differently now. As the years progressed, he'd grown much closer to his mature bankai self and his voice had changed.
"I can't," Rangiku finally said, her reishi shattered and the heat disappeared as she fell down onto one knee, panting. Toshiro let his barriers fall and stepped toward her. The ground was scorched and blackened with ash which crunched underfoot.
"Yes you can," he said. He reached down, and with minimal strength pulled her to her feet, holding her steady. Rangiku's body trembled, and she leaned against him for support. He could feel the sweat dampened uniform and smell it when he moved beside her. Toshiro had become a master at controlling his thoughts, he always double checked his actions too, not wishing to break the trust he'd earned by getting too greedy with her company. He placed one hand on the small of her back and guided her to turn around.
As if caught in a trance, she moved.
They were about the same height, so when he took her sword hand and raised it, he could easily show her where it should be located.
"Here…" he breathed into her ear. Rangiku shuddered. As if pulled by an invisible magnet, she leaned back into him. Relishing the small moments of contact he could when she felt inclined to grant him permission, Toshiro's hand slipped around the front of her waist and held her back against his bare chest. He let his cool fingers find the pulse of her wrist on her other hand. Her heart was hammering, like a bird trapped in a cage, its little wing-beats frantic.
Rangiku seemed to have lost the ability to speak. Toshiro turned his head to look at her. Those baby blue eyes he adored were looking at him with wonder, her pupils darkened by the lack of light and her breath ghosted over his lips like a bad temptation. He let his fingers glide gently up her wrist, steadying her other arm which had started to tremble. It was in moments like this, when he was physically close to her, that he could imagine all the ways they could be together, all the ways he could learn to love her. It was moments like this, when he wanted to admit to her how he felt. Rangiku's eyes were full of trust and expectation, and Toshiro let himself enjoy their proximity for a second longer.
Then he was gone.
Rangiku looked around for him, but he'd already moved back into his existing spot at the back of the cave behind her. They'd been dancing this invisible dance the whole week they'd been here. Each time he stepped in to correct her stance or help with her form, she'd let him in a little closer. Toshiro wasn't sure how much he could push, but he'd never want to risk her trust or her friendship.
There were a few times he'd permit himself the thought that her heart was racing because of him? That her pupils dilated because he was close, but these were childish fantasies and he knew better than to indulge them for too long and risk the icy shield he'd built around his heart.
"Try once more," he instructed, "then we can go and bathe."
"Together?" she asked, throwing him a cheeky half smirk that had his heart skipping a beat.
Her inappropriate sense of humour would be the death of his self control one of these days. Toshiro simply sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and listening to her guilty giggle as she started pulling on her reishi again.
He watched as she maintained the form he'd set for her and released her spiritual pressure. When Rangiku mastered this bankai of hers, he knew it would be just as destructive as his own, if not, moreso.
She continued pushing, mustering all the strength she had left in her, pulling the reishi in the air tight against her body then releasing it in waves. It was frightening and intense to watch. She had so much control when she was focused and Toshiro swelled with pride. He knew she'd gone a step too far when her legs started to tremble.
"Alright that's enough," he called.
She didn't listen. She was so close, she gave a final push and the barrier broke. Toshiro watched, transfixed as fire and reiatsu engulfed the cave, he barely had time to throw up another barrier to protect himself when he shielded his eyes from the blinding light. He could feel her crushing spiritual pressure, enough to crumble the rocks around them.
"Rangiku!" he called, beginning to panic as she didn't pull her power back, "Rangiku! Stop!"
Forgoing his own barrier, he rushed out into the fire to catch her as she fell to the ground. As quickly as the power had come, it shattered. Toshiro caught her head before it hit the stone floor of the cave and scooped her up into his arms.
She weighed nothing to him.
Her eyes were closed but the fluttering of her lashes told him she was okay. He cradled her body close and turned to leave the cave. He knew she'd be okay as soon as she had a good meal and long sleep.
"Congratulations, Rangiku," he whispered, watching her eyes flutter open and her blurry eyes look up at him. Toshiro smiled softly down at her, "you've achieved bankai."
She attempted to raise a fist into the air and gave a weak, "yey," that had him clucking and tightening his hold on her.
"Toshiro?" she asked. He glanced down at her as he made his way out of the cave. In the brilliant light of the setting sun, a million emotions seemed to swim in her eyes.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Thank you," she replied, "for helping."
"Always."
…
+1.
It was a month after they had returned from bankai training in the caves that Rangiku, quite unexpectedly, snapped.
Toshiro wasn't sure how it had happened, or why, but they were having a seemingly normal afternoon in the office - in which Toshiro did paperwork while Rangiku lounged across the couch, chatting and flipping through a magazine - when after a moment's silence, Rangiku suddenly slammed her magazine down on the office coffee table with a loud huff.
"Are you kidding me?" she turned to glare at him over the back of the couch.
Startled, Toshiro made some unintelligent sounds, his brain scrambling to put the dots together.
His lieutenant could have a fiery temper at times, and Toshiro was rarely sure of what caused her outbursts when she had them, but she was usually quick to explain her anger. Today, however, she glared at him, silent and expectant.
At his lack of response she scoffed and stood, hands on her hips. "Did you really just say that to me?"
The captain swallowed, a tiny bit afraid of his lieutenant when she fired up, his mind replaying the last few minutes of their conversation.
They had been chatting about the upcoming 'Peace Ball'. Thirty years of peace in the Seireitei, and Kyoraku decided it was best celebrated with an extravagant party. Captains and Lieutenants had mandatory attendance 'invitations', and they were allowed to bring a guest each.
Toshiro frowned, remembering the last thing he had said to Rangiku before she snapped at him.
"Why would I want to take a guest?"
The captain frowned deeper, before he made a risky move - asking the woman what was wrong. "You're angry… that I don't want to take a guest to the ball?"
For a moment Rangiku stared at him like he was stupid, before she threw her arms up in the air in disbelief and turned, storming around the couch.
"You don't get it, do you?"
"No," Toshiro answered honestly. "I don't need to take a guest, everyone I love will already be there."
Rangiku stilled, her eyes unreadable for a moment. "Everyone you love?"
"Well yeah," Toshiro shrugged, looking down for a moment. He only loved three people; Granny, Momo and the woman currently glaring at him.
Two were still alive, and they both had mandatory attendance invitations as Lieutenants of the Gotei Thirteen.
Of course, the way he felt for Rangiku was vastly different to the way he felt for Momo, his sister-figure. Still he could tell Rangiku he loved her, and she wouldn't know there was a difference. After all, he did love her, and they had become their own family. That's how she had always seen him.
"Momo, you," Toshiro continued, still perplexed. "What's the point of taking a guest when you're already going to be there?"
"It's not a 'guest', Toshiro," Rangiku sighed, sounding defeated as she sat herself on the back of the couch, shoulders slumping. She was one of the few lieutenants that could get away with calling her captain by his first name when she felt like it. "It's a 'date'. You're supposed to invite someone to be your date… Even if they're already invited."
Toshiro glanced up into her eyes, the pale blue trying to tell him something. What exactly was she implying? It couldn't be what Toshiro so desperately wanted her to mean.
He glanced down and away, feeling those bubbling feelings again. They had never gone away though he had tried to get rid of them. They were powerful, but they were dangerous too. They could ruin everything.
He wanted Rangiku to be his date… but he couldn't ask her.
Suddenly that familiar chest was in front of him, and for a moment he flinched, expecting to be smothered or whacked, as had often happened to him before his promotion. Nothing followed, however, as Rangiku simply leaned over his desk and into his personal space.
"Toshiro," she murmured from above.
The captain was still as the hair on his arms stood up. He had to physically restrain himself from shuddering. She was so close, her sweet summer scent caressed him. He couldn't breathe when she was that close.
"I know," she told him calmly, "but I need you to tell me."
"You know what?" Toshiro asked, staring at a spot on her uniform, so he didn't look anywhere else.
Looking into her eyes might even be worse than looking at her chest.
"I know," she repeated with more emphasis. "The flowers all those years ago-"
"I was a kid."
The defense was quick out of his mouth as it clicked. Toshiro's brain was in overdrive, yet all thoughts had ceased. Rangiku knew-
"The way you look at me," Rangiku breathed. "The things you do for me… things others wouldn't - didn't - do."
At once, Toshiro had a vivid flashback to her birthday so many years ago he'd lost track. He remembered her laugh, her sparkling eyes and hair covered in sugar.
"You know," Toshiro repeated quietly, eyes wide as he verbally acknowledged the horror he was facing.
He was vulnerable now. His chest ripped open and his heart exposed. It was beating fast, panicked. She could so easily reach in and rip it out, even crush it in her hand.
Rangiku's chest moved away from him then as she leaned off his desk. He could feel her eyes burning into him, the heat hotter than her bankai.
"Gin was wrong for me," she told him and Toshiro heard her swallow. He glanced up at her to find those blue eyes watering. "It took me a long time to figure that out."
Toshiro remembered Captain Shiba's words that afternoon.
"Sometimes it takes a little while to figure out, but if you're 'the one' for her too, she'll know it one day."
"You-" Toshiro's voice was hoarse, stuck in his throat. He tried again, "You chose me."
She had picked him. It wasn't a question. He realised that now.
The night she had stepped in to save Momo from Gin's blade. When she had disobeyed her captain's direct order to go home and instead followed him into a fight with her own lover- she had chosen him.
When she had cried in his arms in the days following the Ryoka invasion, she had been letting go of her past.
Rangiku had chosen Toshiro.
The captain stood from his chair abruptly as Rangiku held his gaze and nodded. He rounded the desk quickly and her body turned to follow him, until they were face to face, their eyes level and no barriers between them.
He was not the same boy that once stood in front of her, the height of her chest, and clutching a sad bouquet of daffodils - but he had met the 'one'.
She was not the same girl that giggled at him, thinking he had a mere child's crush, while flirting with a snake in the tree - but she had chosen him.
"I need you to tell me," Rangiku repeated her earlier words, eyes pleading. "I need you to tell me the truth about how you feel."
Toshiro's heart skipped. So many decades of holding it in, of missed opportunities and ill-timed interruptions.
No more.
"I love you."
He breathed the words and the dragon inside him rumbled, free of the weight pinning him down.
Rangiku's face crumpled for a moment, as if she too had been holding on with dear life.
"I love you," she said back to him, a tear squeezing out the corner of her eye.
Toshiro couldn't help but smile at that, and he pulled her into his arms, feeling lighter than he ever had.
Their lips found each other instantly, and they melted into one.
It was excitement mixed with relief. She kissed with experience, but she let Toshiro lead as he held her close, pouring decades' worth of growing feelings into it. Their lips moved in sync, as they had always moved together.
When they separated, they broke apart breathless.
"I've been wanting to do that for a long time," Toshiro panted, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"Why did it take you so long to tell me?" Rangiku rested her forehead against his, her eyes fluttering closed but her smile wide and beautiful.
Toshiro brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and cupped her jaw. "I'm sorry. I thought I'd lose you."
"You'll never lose me," Rangiku whispered, before her smile turned to a humoured smirk, "but you can make it up to me by taking me as your date to the Peace Ball."
Toshiro's lips twitched into a grin. "It would be my pleasure."
They kissed again, and Toshiro smiled widely with his lips on hers.
Finally.
…
Please review if you liked this piece! Lethan and I had a blast writing it :)
If you've read both of our stuff before, see if you can guess who wrote which scenes (we had 3 each!) xD
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