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Lifting one foot in front of another, Usagi begins walking to the front lobby of the hospital. She has new found determination to speak with Mamoru. If it really is nothing more than a misunderstanding, she'll feel better.
It doesn't mean she will immediately want to jump in his arms and kiss him and they'll go on dates. She isn't sure those feelings are buried in her after all these years of pent up bitterness.
She takes a breath as she looks around the lobby and sees the same receptionist behind the front desk. She scurries over quietly not wanting to attract any attention to herself or allow someone to forewarn Mamoru that she's here. The lady looks up from the computer and smiles politely and greets her with 'hello.'
"Can you tell which floor to find Mamoru Chiba on?" Usagi asks sheepishly, redness heating up her cheeks. This is probably some sort of privacy violation. It has to be. If not, she probably thinks she is weirdo, asking for the location of a doctor. Who does that? I do, that's who.
"I recognize you from the other day. He was treating your father! Of course!" She looks down at the computer screen and scrunches her eyebrows together. Usagi looks around the lobby for a few minutes while the woman feverishly types and clicks several buttons. I guess it isn't a problem for her or the bleach in her hair has destroyed brain cells.
Mamoru slouches in his chair in the small office, he's been staring at the article on mitral valves for the last 40 minutes and he hasn't retained a damn thing from it. He has rounds in an hour and a half and one case desperately needs him to become an expert on mitral valves.
All he's retained is the image of Usagi with shorter hair standing in the hall, talking to Ami Mizuno. He believed she disappeared for good years ago. None of her usual friends kept in contact with her since she left, for whatever reason. All he wanted to do since she returned is talk sensibly. She shut down every attempt he made. He didn't believe it would be that difficult but she has proven herself a worthy adversary.
He asked her so many years ago to the school dance and his stalker, Anne, found a way to screw that up royally for him. He thought after all the damn banter between the two, she would realize it was just to talk to her. No, she must've thought it a cruel joke, culminating that very night of the dance. It was like he watched it play out during an out of body experience. He remembered vividly the hurt look on Usagi's face that night and how hard she tried not to whimper or sob, her clenched fists and the look of disgust on her friends' faces.
After that night, there was no reaching Usagi anymore. She stopped coming to her dad's office as much and he got the hint quickly that he was no longer welcome to talk to her anymore.
Now that she is back, his focus isn't there anymore. Somehow he managed to oversee treatment of her dad that evening. He didn't understand what done it to Kenji but whatever caused the incident certainly scared them all, including him. He allowed fellows to handle the caseload while he would stand back and observe or look over their treatment plans. He couldn't trust himself at this very moment to do anything more. Usagi Tsukino flooded his mind.
"I fucked up." He mumbles to himself. It's like his body hasn't had a good night's rest since high school. Now that she's back, he feels worse than ever.
"You look shitty." Ami says walking into the small office. Mamoru stiffens and whips his head around to stare at the blunette after her blunt statement. She lays some charts on the desk behind opposite of his and sits down, crossing her ankles and watches him. "I take it, Usagi won't listen?"
"Alex, we have a winner." He responds sarcastically earning a light scowl. "She doesn't want to hear anything I say."
"We didn't either at first." Ami reminds him. "Why don't you let it go? Why has it bothered you all these years, Mamoru?"
"I'll never get the image of her innocent face, tearing up before me out of my mind. I told you before, I adored her. I loved every minute of bantering with her. I always insulted her just to get her going." Mamoru explains. "Maybe I still have hope. I don't know."
"Long time to hold on to hope." Ami says shaking her head. "If she gives you a second chance or decides to listen to you, make sure you get everything you want to say out. God knows, she may go back to the city sometime soon."
Mamoru feels his blood run cold, "That's right, she has to go back doesn't she." He groans and leans back in his chair. Ami giggles and walks back out the office door to make morning rounds, leaving Mamoru by himself.
What did he expect? She wasn't coming home to stay, she has a life elsewhere. She done well for herself in the years she's been away. She isn't going to decide to give all that up just because he apologizes? He freezes mid thought. I haven't thought about Usagi that way in a long time. I really should get over it like Ami suggests.
"Erm, Mamoru?"
He sucks in a breath, recognizing that voice anywhere. No matter how long they haven't spoken. Slowly, Mamoru turns and sees the object of his current affliction standing in the doorway, her hands clenched in fists and clearly looking a bit overwhelmed. He stands slowly releasing the breath.
She startled him, she knew she did. He'd been sitting there for who knows how long just lost in his own thoughts. Now that she made it this far, it is too late to turn back and go home. Motoki expected her to talk to him. It is the adult thing to do. Maybe she would feel better and move on with her life and everything would be okay.
He stands and waits for her to speak again. Still unsure about whether she should, she does before her nerves get the best of her. She's a fierce family law attorney, for crying out loud. Mamoru Chiba should not be this big of an issue. "Do you have time to talk?"
"Absolutely." He says without hesitation and moves around so she can see the other chair in the office. She walks in and shuts the door behind her.
She sits down opposite of him and looks down at her shoes before looking up to see he's staring at her with intensity. She knew he wanted this conversation, he made no secret since she returned. Whatever he needed to do, he would put it off to speak. She knew that. He's been desperate. Daunting is the best word to describe her situation.
"I shouldn't have ignored everyone for so long because I was angry." She says. The words were a vain attempt to begin explaining herself. "I should have talked to you about what happened instead of ignoring you."
"I should have understood that you wanted space to begin with. I shouldn't have crowded you expecting that you'd listen. I'm sorry." Mamoru responds. "You have to know, I never wanted anything to do with Anne. I asked you to the dance, not her."
Usagi found it hard to ignore the thump in her chest at his words, but she did. It wasn't the time to expect anything more than this conversation to happen. She shouldn't want more than this to happen. She only needed this weight lifted. She needed to come to some kind of closure with him. "Why didn't you push her off."
"This is going to sound bad." Mamoru begins to say and watches as Usagi shifts uncomfortably in her chair but puts a hand out in front of her, "Let me explain, Usagi. Anne pushed me into that position. There was wiring uncovered on the floor and if I shoved her, she could have made scene and fell backward and I would have gotten in trouble."
"So, you thought I would understand?" Usagi says frowning at his terrible explanation. "Mamoru I liked you. I liked you a lot. I wouldn't have agreed to be your date if I didn't."
"I wanted to explain the situation. I kept trying to talk to you but you were so bitter and angry." Mamoru says. "You stopped hanging out in the cafeteria with your friends at lunch and I saw you focusing on your studies. Rei threatened to kick my ass. Once I graduated, I told your dad I wanted to be a doctor. I worked under him because you came there several times after school during the week and I wanted to talk to you."
"So, you did like me?" Usagi states watching as he confirms with a nod. She becomes at a loss for words at his confession. Finally swallowing the lump in her throat she smiles at him and says, "You know this doesn't change very much between us, Mamoru." She isn't exactly sure what to do now that it is all out there. What did he expect from her after all this.
"Usagi, I don't expect you to date me and drop your life in the city and see if we can make up for time we may have missed. I'm sorry about embarrassing you. I never meant to." Mamoru tells her honestly. He feels the thumping in his own chest and his hands become clammy and he isn't really sure why. He never expected her to want to be more after all these years. It would be amazing if she wanted to, but he didn't believe she did.
"Can we be friends, at least?" She asks feeling as though something still isn't right about the situation. She looks down at her hands, they were clenching the material of her clothing and her toes curled up at some point.
"Sure." He says after a few moments of staying silent and watching her fidget and squirm in her chair.
"I'll see you around, Mamoru." Usagi says as she stands and walks out of the office.
Mamoru watches her walk down the hallway to the elevator. Something is bothering him about this whole apology. This wasn't how he expected it to happen. He expected her to say something to the effect that she still harbored something for him but there was no indication. She just seemed nervous to be talking to him. She's still beautiful. "Pull it together, Chiba!" He shakes his head and grabs his charts before walking out to find residents.