Absence
Silence.
That was the first thing she noticed, after waking up from her slumber. No sound of running water, the television, or the indignant squawks of a clingy penguin, making his usual avian demands for his morning fish.
Fighting the urge to dive back into her pillow, she turned her eyes to the clock on the wall, blinking away the bleariness of sleep until the hands came into focus. It read 7:30 AM.
As she rose herself from her bed, she opened her bedroom door and staggered towards the apartments kitchen. To her great surprise, Misato was already seated, can of Yabisu in one hand, piece of embarrassingly burnt toast in the other.
"Mornin' Asuka", said flat-mate greeted her, voice raspy and full of cremated toast.
"Not much left in terms of breakfast, I'm afraid. I forgot to do a grocery run last night. Busy day at the office, ya know?"
'Excuses' Asuka thought. She could smell the alcohol on the woman's breath from here. She smelt like a walking brewery. How disgusting.
With a disapproving glare directed towards the woman sat at the table, so intense it caused Misato to visibly Blanche, she decided to settle on raiding the cupboards for what remained of the cereal.
"Well, the least you could do, Misato, is leave me some money so I can go to the grocery store after class. Not everyone can survive on a diet of beer and chips, you know?" She was met by a light chuckle from Misato, further souring her already curdled mood.
She grabbed the cereal box out of the cupboard, filled up a bowl, and placed it down on the table.
"We're out of milk" Murmured Misato.
Her statement was answered with a growl, angry muttering, and the sound of a slamming bathroom door.
"Oh! By the way, you have a sync test after school." Misato called out after her. "I'll be at NERV all day, so you'll have to head over to HQ with Rei after classes, alright?".
She did not receive a reply.
"Oh well", she sighed. Reaching over to the other side of the table, she pulled the bowl full of cereal towards her.
"Waste not, want not."
The summer heat had turned the small classroom of 2-A into a glorified oven. Not that the average day in post 2nd Impact Japan was any different. Leaning forward on her desk, she sat and stared at the clock on the wall, telepathically willing it to reach the coveted 3:15 PM mark.
The arm's remained where they were. Unfortunately, telepathy could not be listed on her long list of skills.
Yet.
She still had to make it through the last 5 minutes. Bored beyond all reasoning, she let her eyes wonder around the class room, passing over the uninteresting plebeians she called class mates, Hikari being the only exception.
Her eyes eventually found the silent, blue haired form of the First Child, one Rei Ayanami. Wonder Girl. The Commanders Pet. She sat with her back to the rest of the class, eyes staring out into the streets surrounding the school.
What could she possibly be staring at? Asuka pondered. Probably looking for her personality. Hehehe. Nice one, Brain. Mentally high fiving herself for the stunning display of wit, her eyes eventually took note of the amount of empty desks in her class.
Her eyes settled on one in particular, located a row in front of her, to her left. Her mind then drifted to the desks occupant, or ex-occupant, in this case.
The idiot that normally sat at that desk had been gone for nearly a month.
Not that she cared, of course.
She was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of the school bell, finally signifying an end to the final day of school for the week. Almost jumping out of her seat, Asuka gathered her book bag, and turned towards the door.
"Pilot Soryu."
She did not make it very far, before she was addressed by someone behind her. She turned to face the voice.
The voice belonged to the worlds most important piece of plywood, other wise known as the First Child.
'Dammit.' she fumed. 'I'd forgotten about the Sync test'. She stood there, arm's crossed, as Rei made her way over to her.
"I believe we have been instructed to make our way to the GeoFront for our Sync test. Together." Rei made her way past Asuka, leaving the class and making her way towards the school gates.
Asuka followed after her.
Upon reaching the front gates of the school, she started to head in the direction of Tokyo-03's train station. She, again, was interrupted by the soft voice of her fellow pilot.
"Taking public transport will not be necessary, Pilot Soryu. Major Katsuragi has requested an escort from section 2, to deliver us directly to the GeoFront trams." Rei informed her, as she checked her NERV issued cell phone.
Biting down a sarcastic response to the girl, Asuka could not help but see the logic in what she had said. The heat was stifling today, and even the brief few moments standing outside the school gates had already produced a sheen of sweat to form on her forehead.
'Fine' She mentally sneered. Anything to get out of this heat.
"Alright then, First, this car better have AC. And also, just so we're clear, don't expect me to make small talk on the ride over, either. I'd have an easier time talking to a brick wall." Asuka waved down the approaching black Sudan, Section 2's signature method of escorting the higher echelons of NERV.
Rei gave no immediate reply. Instead, she simply stood there, with a thoughtful expression on her face, eye's pointed downward, towards the pavement. Asuka could practically hear the gears grinding in the girls head.
God, riding along with her is going to be such a bore, she thought to herself.
The Section 2 vehicle pulled up alongside them, tinted windows rolled down to allow visual confirmation of the drivers, who showed the 2 girls their ID Badges.
Rei was the first one to make her way towards the back seat of the car. She paused, hand on the top of the open side door. Turning her head back towards Asuka, she made eye contact with the red head, before giving her a pointed glare, brows furrowed.
"Yes. For once, Pilot Soryu, we both feel the same way."
It took a moment for the jab to register in Asuka's brain.
An embarrassingly long moment.
"NOW YOU WAIT JUST A MINUTE, FIRST! What the HELL is that supposed to mean!?" She screeched at the First Child, who had already dipped out of view, into the back seat of the car.
Fuming, Asuka took her own seat, making a show of keeping as much physical distance between herself and the other girl as possible. Realising that she would not enjoy the rest of the ride at all, despite the car's AC unit blowing a refreshing breeze throughout the interior, she cupped her chin in her hand, and stared out the window.
When she suddenly heard the tell tale sounds of snickering from the two agents at the front, who had heard their exchange.
These jerks found it funny.
"And WHAT THE HELL are YOU TWO laughing at, HUH?!"
They both jumped in their seats. They had been discovered.
One of the Section 2 agent's stuttered out a brief apology. "S-Sorry, Ms Soryu".
The car lurched forward and began their drive to the GeoFront Tram's.
'Sorry. I hate that word', she thought to herself. 'It's all that idiot used to say, as well'.
A gloomy expression appeared on her face, as she looked out at the passing world outside the car. She knew where she was heading.
But where before it would excite her, now, it only gave her a feeling of dread.
Another Sync Test, she thought.
I wonder if this one will go as badly as the last.
62%.
Unbelievable.
That was a whole 4% below her previous sync score. And that sync score was 2% below the one before that. She was slipping, she realized. How the Hell was she slipping?!
Sure, she was still the pilot with the highest average sync rate, but that did little to ease the doubt now nagging at her mind. Leaving the Test Cage, Asuka made her way towards the locker rooms located close by.
Downcast and sullen, she barely took notice of the throng of technicians and other nobodies that worked at NERV. She didn't even think she had stopped to give her usual courteous greeting to the technicians and support crew that serviced her own Eva, Unit 02.
She didn't really care, either. The recent sync test, or more specifically, the result that was given to her over the Tac-Com suite in her test plug had taken up a firm residence at the forefront of her thoughts.
The disappointed tone of Misato's voice replayed itself over and over in her head.
She inserted her card into the locker room's card reader, waited for the door to open, and stepped inside. She depressurized her plug suit, and let it fall loose around her waist. The LCL in her hair had become viscose, and caked her hair to her back.
She felt disgusting.
Taking a brief shower, and changing into her school uniform, she sat despondent on the bench. She was brought back to her surroundings as she heard the door to the locker rooms open with a hiss. Asuka looked up, and saw the the First Child making her way over to her own locker.
She returned her gaze to the floor, her signature red A2 clips gripped tightly in both hands. The air in the locker room was thick with tension, the car ride she had shared with the girl had not exactly been pleasant. The girl had said nothing to her. Just sat next to her in the back of the car, silent.
When the silence became too much, she remembered stealing a quick glance out of the corner of her eye. She just sat their, staring out her window.
Again.
The First Child did not think she was worth the effort of talking to, either, it seemed.
'Bitch.' She sneered in her mind, her hands balling into fists.
Her morose mood quickly descended into something far worse, when her mind turned to thoughts of another person, an idiot boy who would also not give her the time of day.
She smothered the frustrations down.
'This was no place to fall apart' She berated herself. 'Not here. Not in front of her.'
Standing up, she made her way across the room, depositing her plug suit into the wash bin by the shower head. She began to lock up her locker, when she was interrupted by a monotone voice from behind her.
"Pilot Soryu" There was a pause, the girl not saying anything else. Asuka refused to acknowledge her.
"Is something troubling you, Pilot Soryu?" questioned the blue haired girl, voice carrying something akin to apprehension, and a sense of awkwardness she did think said girl was capable of.
She gave the girl no response again, instead, she turned around and shot the girl a heated glare.
"I overheard Dr Akagi discussing your test results with Major Katsuragi. If I overheard correctly, your sync score has been on a steady decline as of 2 weeks ago. Would it be..." The girl paused. She was considering her next words carefully.
After a few moments, the girl in front of her continued speaking.
"Is it the absence of Pilot Ikari? Do you desire to see him aga-"
She never got the chance to finish that sentence, as she was interrupted by a fist slamming into the side of the locker next to the red head.
A fist belonging to said red head.
"Don't even think about finishing that sentence, Wonder Girl. Don't you even think about it!" Asuka's expression was livid, eyes wide with fury.
Rei's own eye's expressed her surprise and shock at the reaction of the girl in front of her.
'I see', Rei mused. Her face returned to her normal, calm expression.
Asuka lowered her arm, and turned her back to Rei. It seemed that she was also shocked by her reaction to Rei's question. She felt heat rush to her face, embarrassment clouding her features.
'I should not of done that', she scolded herself. 'That was stupid, and childish.'
Noticing that the mood of her fellow pilot had drastically worsened since her question, Rei had decided to end this conversation before it became even more unpleasant.
She believed that she had seen proof that her suspicions were well founded from the Second Child's reaction alone. She did not know if she could help the girl, she admitted to herself.
She wasn't sure if she even knew how to.
However, realising that nothing good would come from a physical confrontation between the two, she decided to finish changing.
The Second Child did not say anything else to her after her outburst, and sat on the locker room bench, hands in her lap, face pointed towards the floor.
She shot the girl a barely noticeable look of pity, and left the locker room behind.
As she made her way towards the elevator, she heard the sound of a fist once again slamming into a metal locker, and angry German vitriol. She briefly glanced back behind her, and continued on towards the elevator.
Asuka stood in front of her locker, cradling one hand in the other. She looked down, and noticed the inflamed skin around her knuckles. She was bleeding.
She made her way to the locker rooms sink, and proceeded to wash off the blood.
Her eyes drifted up, until they rested on her reflection in the mirror, affixed above the sink. She noticed the redness around her eyes straight away.
"Stupid Doll." she growled, looking directly at her reflection.
"You don't know anything at all"
She dried her hands, collected her things, and made her way out of the locker room.
Asuka stood in front of a vending machine. She had decided to try and cheer herself up with something sweet. Chocolate, in particular. Well, that was the plan, until said stupid vending machine decided to swallow her last 500 yen coin.
So she did what anyone would do in this situation.
She started to kick the crap of it.
Kicking the viewing glass of a vending machine, and shouting indiscriminate German curse words while doing so, was not the ideal method of stress relief for the girl, but by god, it was doing the trick. She was brought out of her juvenile attempts at mechanical homicide by a light chuckle, coming from behind her.
Turning around to glare at whoever it was that dared to mock The Great Asuka Langley Soryu, she was met by the sight of NERV's resident miniskirt, Misato Katsuragi.
"Yeah, I wouldn't use that particular machine in the future, if I was you. It has a habit of stealing the change of any cute girl that tries to use it." Misato teased.
Asuka sneered at the wonky attempt at a joke. Turning to face the offending woman, she decided to shake the woman down for some change.
"Well, good thing you're here then, Misato. The machine would probably pay you to stay well clear of it." She held out her hand, smirking at Misato's pouting face, in response to the girls jab.
"Chocolate. Money. Gimme!." Understanding the teenage girls reasoning, Misato reached into a jacket pocket to retrieve her purse, and placed a few coins in the girls hand.
"Grab me one as well, kiddo. It's been a long day." She turned to sit down on the black seats next to the machine. The girl sat down next to her, and handed Misato her bar of chocolate.
Neither bar lasted more then 5 seconds.
"Ahhhhh, Chocolate. Blessed are ye, bar of deliciousness. May your travels to my colon be swift, and easy on my hips." Misato arched her hands in front of her face, and spoke in heavily accented English. "Amen". She heard a bemused laugh to her right, from Asuka. The girl held her stomach with one arm, and held her other arm up in embarrassment soon after, covering her mouth when she let out a undignified snort.
The laughter was contagious, Misato discovered, as she joined in with a light chuckle.
When the laughter died down, Misato looked at Asuka with a warm expression. "Hey Kiddo, I'm glad I ran into you, actually. I asked Maya to collect you, but that girl has a terrible sense of direction. Poor thing got lost by the locker rooms.".
This peaked Asuka's interest. She had expected a ride back in the same car she arrived in, not a post sync test meeting with Misato. She couldn't help but let her mind wonder back to her sync test, and a cold feeling of apprehension worked its way up her spine, making her hands start to sweat.
"I guess it's about my sync test, huh?" She blurted out, mouth moving faster then her mind.
"I don't need anyone's advice, and especially not your concern." She noticed Misato's disapproving look.
'She doesn't believe me.' She realised.
"It's just a momentary slip up, Misato. Honest. I'll get my head back in the game, this means nothing. I'm still the best." Asuka internally winced. She had not meant to come off so.. desperate.
She still remembered the sound of disappointment in Misato's voice back in the test plug, but this was only a temporary issue, surely they also thought that as well, didn't they? Her fists closed and opened again on reflex, Misato merely looked at her, not saying a word, and she had started to feel uneasy at the lack of any response.
Misato broke the pregnant silence, at last. "Listen... Asuka... are you sure it's just your sync score that's eating at you?" She received no answer from the young girl in front of her, so she decided to press on.
"I know things have been tense, since Shinji... since the incident. You don't have to pretend with me, Asuka. I miss him too". Asuka's head shot up at that statement, and knowing the response she would get, Misato decided to cut off any retort the girl had planned, and again pressed on.
"It's OK to miss someone, Asuka. I've known Shinji only a little longer then you have, and it's hard to go back to that apartment and not see him there, every day. I feel like I can't even step through the front door without collapsing into a blubbering mess."
She waited a moment, and continued.
"I can't stand the idea of the apartment without him. Without either of you. It feels wrong, somehow. But at the very least, it's made me realize how much I took the little dork for granted."
She turned her head to the girl, noticing that she was staring at the floor, brows furrowed, deep in thought. She rested her hand on Asuka's shoulder, causing the girl to look up at her.
"That's the thing about absence, kiddo. It makes you realize what you have, but only when it's gone. It kinda... makes you appreciate it more. But denying that you want that thing back isn't the right way to go about it. Missing something, or someone, isn't a weakness, Asuka", She gave the girl's shoulder a small squeeze.
She allowed what she had said to hang in the air, for a time. She hoped this small token gesture of sympathy would at least comfort the troubled young teen beside her. She did not know what else to do, otherwise.
She was not good at this, at offering comfort to others. Hopefully, it was enough to cheer the young girl up.
"What makes you think I even care about that idiot?" Came the mumbled reply from the red head.
'OK' Misato rolled her eyes. 'Maybe not.'
Asuka was not finished, however.
"I have more important things to worry about. Far more important then how much I mis-" The girl stopped herself mid rant. She bit her lower lip, and clenched both of her small fists. She looked down at the floor.
"I'm fine, Misato. I'm just tired. It's been a difficult few weeks."
Finally, staring at the girl for a moment, Misato decided to give up on what she saw as a hopeless endeavour. She knew she should try again, but she simply did not have the energy to argue with her. So she didn't. With a deep exhale through her nose, Misato decided that she has spoken enough about that particular topic.
"Hey, don't worry about it too much, ok? I know you've had a hard couple of weeks. I have as well, kiddo. That's why I wanted to show you something. It's what the Eggheads have been working on for nearly a month. I thought you should be made aware of it, as well. Especially since were going ahead with the operation tomorrow."
Thankful for the change in subject, and curious as to what could take priority over the failing scores of one of NERV's only 2 remaining active pilot's, Asuka let her curiosity get the better of her.
"Ok, I'm curious. What is it? New upgrades for Unit 02? The Entry Plug's seat does chafe pretty bad, you know?"
Misato responded with a mirthful smile.
"Follow me, and I'll show you."
He could be saved.
Shinji. They could bring him back.
Well. Maybe.
Possibly.
Asuka sat outside on the Veranda of Misato's apartment, nursing a can of grape soda. Eyes heavy, and knees weak from the long, hot, tedious day of walking around the labyrinthian maze that was NERV HQ. The meeting with Dr. Akagi and Misato had been a rather long one. But she had mostly focused on one particular point in the talk.
They were trying to get Shinji back.
And she was confused about how the announcement made her feel. That is why she was sat out here, overlooking the skyline of Tokyo-03. To digest this information.
At the very least, her failing sync score's did not seem to be at the forefront of NERV's priorities. This provided a small amount of comfort to her, and helped keep the biting fears of inadequacy and failure at bay, at least for the moment.
But it did not erase those fears completely.
If the retrieval operation was successful tomorrow, then that idiot would be back. They would have their precious 'Invincible Shinji' back. Misato would go back to doting on the idiot, Rei would go back to making lovey-dovey eyes at him when she thought no one was looking.
Would that be when they finally took notice of her scores?
Would they take her Unit 02 from her?
Would they revoke her Pilot status?
Send her back to Germany, to that cold, empty house that held nothing but bad memories of a distant Father, and a broken Mother?
A cold chill ran up her spine at that particular memory. Hugging her legs against her chest, she sat in the chair, watching as the Armament Building's that comprised Tokyo-3's sky-box retracted down into the Geo front.
Piloting was... everything to her. It was all she had left... All she wanted in her life. She lived for this, breathed for this... and would die for this, if the need arises.
Her entire perception of herself revolved around her status as an Eva pilot. She revelled in the attention that it earned her. People showered her with praise, and she she fed off of it. It sustained her.
She doubted anyone would even notice if she existed without it. She did not think she could survive without it. Was there anything she could offer anyone, if she was not a Pilot?
She did not know, and that scared her most of all.
Sure, she was smart, and pretty. She had graduated from University at a startlingly young age, but the degree was mostly to pad out her credentials, not for any planned future career in the field.
She did not need a degree in computational mathematics to pilot the Eva, she doubted she could use it to breach the AT Field of an Angel by throwing some particularly difficult algorithmic problems at it. The Angels probably didn't even know what maths was.
Her earlier altercation with Rei still popped up in her head, from time to time. Try as she might, the idea of Rei's cold indifference to her on the drive over to the Geo Front unsettled her.
Is that how people would treat her if she was no longer a Pilot?
The revelation that Misato had dropped on her earlier that evening had been a small sense of comfort, at first. The idea of Shinji returning to her life, to their home, made her feel happy, for a short while.
'Do you desire to see him again?' Rei had asked her earlier, in the locker room.
'Yes', she admitted to herself, bitterly. 'Yes, I do'.
She had thought about the absence of the boy often, that was true. But she had not though about the boy himself . Well, she had thought about him, shortly after he was absorbed by his Eva.
But they were not nice thoughts, at all.
He had made her furious.
His recent record breaking sync rate, a whopping 400%, had been no end of consternation to the girl. She remembered hating him when she initially heard that, and stating how glad she was that he was gone, very loudly, in front of Misato.
She could of swore Misato would strike her, there and then. Saying that about him, in front of a clearly distraught Misato, was not something she meant to do at all. It was something she had blurted out. She was angry at him, yes, but for myriad of reasons.
After she got home, she remembered shutting herself away in her room, laying on her bed, legs held tight against her chest, as she fought the urge to cry.
It made her feel horrible, rotten to her core. He was her friend at the very least, was he not? She could count on one hand the amount of friends she had. She didn't hate him. Not even after the disastrous kiss she shared with him a few weeks earlier.
She had so many things she still wanted to say to him. To shout at him.
So many places she wanted to hit him in. Not all of them above the waist, either.
So many ways to make fun of him for his dorky little mannerisms.
So many embarrassing things to tell the other girls at school, so they would stay away from him.
But all of those things were pointless, if he was not here.
Shinji Ikari was a colossal dork.
A meek, mousy, stupid little boy.
And a stupid, pig headed, selfish asshole.
And yes, she missed him. Far more then she would like to admit.
She sat up from her chair, slid open the Veranda door, and stepped back inside the apartment. Noticing the time, she turned off the TV, and placed her glass in the sink.
Misato had called earlier, informing her that she will be working all night, and would most likely be sleeping at NERV HQ.
She walked past the door to Shinji's room. She stopped before she entered her own room, and looked back for a moment.
"Goodnight, Idiot."
She slid open her door, and stepped inside her room.
She was on her back, sprawled out on her bed.
Had been for at least 2 hours now.
Sleep escaped her once again, it seemed.
She rolled onto her side, and pondered on the current topic that was keeping her awake.
What if it worked? Would they allow him back, to live with them? Surely, someone who has spent almost a month inside something like an Eva would need to have a battery of tests ran on them, to ensure they weren't about to grow another head. Or in Shinji's case, a spine.
Would he still be allowed to pilot?
There had, miraculously, been no Angel attacks during his absence, and as peculiar as that was, she was also relieved. Recent sync levels aside, Asuka had the utmost faith in her ability to perform her duties as a pilot. She was fast, smart, well trained, and above all else, professional.
But she had also grown accustomed to having said idiot watch her back during these fights. Rei was about as useful as a chocolate teapot, in her opinion. He had proved himself time and time again, saving her life on more then one occasion.
He jumped into a volcano for her, and if she didn't have such immaculate, high standards in men, she probably would of kissed him for that alone.
God knows she wanted to.
It definitively would of been a better reason then the one she had when she did kiss him, a few weeks later. The memory of that night flashed through her mind, and almost instantly, her face broke out in an angry, embarrassed scowl.
Yes, her failed, humiliating kiss with Shinji. She had tried to bury the memory in some far flung corner of her mind, refusing to relive it, for fear of the reaction it would cause in her. However, her mind seemed to betray her at every turn, as of late.
She remembered walking into the apartment after her laughable excuse of a date with some college boy Hikari's sister had set her up with, and was shocked to hear a faint, velvet smooth rendition of Bach, Cello Suite... 1.. or was it 2?.
She remembered how she simply stood in the doorway, listening to him play. Then, as the movements of his bow reached it's climax, she announced her presence to him.
The look of surprise on his face when he had seen her smiling at him, offering him a round of applause, the light blush that coloured his cheeks, it was all so... endearing to her.
To see the Third Child in his element, head lowered in concentration, the bow gliding across the cords of his cello. The kiss that followed later that day however... she did not want to remember. It was one of the most humiliating experiences of her life.
Frustration flared in her chest once again, as she stared at her ceiling. She should of just kissed the boring boy she went out on a date with. It surely wouldn't of been any worse then her kiss with the idiot. He might of actually enjoyed it.
He would of known how to kiss properly. He was a college student, they knew how to do that stuff, right? In fact, what was stopping her from kissing other boys, for that matter?
It's not like that idiot is the only boy I could of kissed. I could have my pick of the boys at school, any of them would jump at the opportunity to tell people that they are going out with The Great Asuka Langley Soryu.
Like that Kaneka fellow. He's pretty cute. Confident, too. Not a complete knuckle dragger, either.
She allowed the thought to hang in her mind for a few moments.
No. He wouldn't do. All he did was sit at his desk, directing hungry glares towards any female that walked past him. Not the brightest tool in the tool box, either.
Aida? He'd have all manner of questions about the Eva's, for sure. The swine would most likely worship the ground she walked on, but she'd heard the rumours around school about his pictures. Disgusting little perverted boy.
Suzuhara? Not the worst to look at, if she was being honest. Tall for his age, as well. She suspected, however, that Hikari still visited him at the hospital everyday after school, so he was most likely already taken. No matter. She'd seen a little too much of him on the Over The Rainbow. She wasn't envious of Hikari, to say the least.
She did this, for a few more moments. Allowed the names and faces of boys in her class to flash in her mind, entertaining the thought of giving them the time of day. She always reached the same conclusion, at the end.
She had no interest in them. Nothing deeper then shallow observations of purely whimsical traits. She did not know anything about them at all. Because she did not care for them in the slightest.
Finally, she thought of him. She thought of what it would be like to talk to him, REALLY talk to him. To share their passions, their fears and their insecurities. How it would feel to hold hands, walking to school.
Sitting next to each other at lunch, enjoying each other's company, basking in the jealousy of the other girls in her class.
She normally only thought of Kaji in such a way.
And she might not ever see Shinji again. The operation tomorrow did not come with a guarantee of success.
And the thought of that made a uncomfortable knot of anxiety appear in her stomach.
She had thought he was dead, originally, after she had been told of what had happened during the battle with the 14th Angel.
She had felt numb, for a few moments. Before she smothered that numbness with fury.
She never really thought of him, after that night in her room, when she let herself be weak for the first time in 8 years.
She had buried the memory of the boy deep inside her, so it would never surface and cause her pain ever again. She refused to remember him at all.
She lay once more on her back, and tried to will herself to sleep. Moment after moment passed. Having enough of this sudden bout of insomnia, Asuka shot up from her mattress, and made her way over to her bedroom door.
Sliding it open, she stepped out into the hallway. Checking to make sure Misato had not returned without her noticing, and seeing that she had not, she stepped in front of Shinji's bedroom door. Hesitating for a brief moment, she slid it open, and closed it shut behind her, walking over to the futon.
His room was tiny, she noted, and sparsely decorated. Her fault, she supposed. This was meant to be her room, after all. Noticing the outline of Shinji's SDAT player on the pillow, she lowered herself down onto the futon, and picked up the SDAT with her right hand.
She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling, thumb gently stroking the left ear bud of the cassette player. She unwound the cord of the ear buds, and placed both of them in her ears.
She laid there, for a few more moments, expression pensive and thoughtful. Until she eventually laid her head on the pillow, pulled the bed sheets over her chest, and snuggled into the futon.
Laying on her side, she stroked the screen of the SDAT with her thumb, and hit the play button. 'Track 25' started to play through the ear buds, the slow, steady beats of the music helping to focus her thoughts.
The music did not, however, prevent the angry scowl from breaking out on her tired features.
She felt disgusting. She viewed what she was doing as an admission of weakness. She should not need to do this to get back to sleep. But it is not the first time she had felt the need to sleep in the idiot's bed.
She thought back to an earlier time, during their sync training, where she had done something similar. When she had yearned for this stupid boys companionship, and was left disappointed.
But it wasn't the only reason she was disgusted by what she was doing. Not only was this an admission of weakness, it was also an admission of an entirely different nature.
An admission that she refused to put into words, for fear of what it would mean for her. She remembered a young, red haired girl, standing at the edge of a grave, refusing to cry. That girl had just had her entire world shattered, and vowed that she would never cry again. Never show weakness.
She wondered what that young girl would think of her now.
She felt her eyelids growing heavier. She snuggled up under the blankets of Shinji's futon, wrapping herself up in it's warmth. As she felt herself drift off into sleep, two words slipped through her lips.
"Baka Shinji."
The sounds of powered tool's and shouting are heard from the inside of her entry plug, sensors on the external armour playing it through her comm suite. They are cutting through the Type-D equipment to reach her, she surmises.
Once she is given the all clear, she manually ejects the plug, and allows them to help her out of it.
She has never been so glad to see the sky in her life. She raises her right arm up towards the sun, spreading out her fingers in front of her face, allowing the suns rays to split into multiple beams. She squints. She does not remember it being so sunny before she was submerged into the Volcano.
She is still alive. That idiot had saved her.
That stupid dummy. What was he thinking? He could have died.
Her eyes turn to the hunched over form of what she recognises as Unit 01, or at least, what used to be Unit 01. The pressure from being submerged in the Volcano had dented most of the armour inwards, especially around the chest area. The pain he must of felt must of been excruciating.
It makes her feel all the more uneasy. The armour had lost its garish purple colouring, becoming a dull chrome colour. It had also been completely warped by the extreme heat, but had not completely been melted off.
She attributed that to some kind of buffer, erected by the Eva's AT Field. But she was more interested in the idiotic pilot of said Eva, who was currently laid out on a stretcher in front of his ejected plug.
He was being seen to by the bulk of the medical staff, and his skin was a deep red, most likely from being boiled inside of his plug.
She makes her way over to the stretcher, finding a gap between two medical technicians in the process of feeding Shinji an IV drip. She makes eye contact with the boy. His eyes nervously hold her own gaze, her sapphire orbs searching his face for anything resembling smugness, or arrogance.
She finds none.
"You look like a lobster." She states, plainly, trying hard to keep her expression neutral, to not betray how concerned she is.
His eyes do not waver, but his expression does. He chuckles at her joke. It is a soft, pleasant sound. She can't help but notice how the sound of it eases the tightness in her chest.
"I guess I do." He replies, holding her gaze. He has nice eyes, she notices. A deep, stormy blue. Pretty. She is surprised she has only noticed them now.
She is taken out of her admiration of those deep blue orbs by a grunt of pain from the boy they belonged to. One of the medical technicians had found a vein for the intravenous drip. She shoots said technician a withering glare.
'Be careful with him', it warns.
She lowers her gaze back down to the boy. She takes a moment to take in his features. "Just wanted to check up on you, idiot. Need to make sure my personal bag carrier is still able to perform his duties, that's all. Don't get any funny ideas, Third Child."
He didn't laugh at that one, she notices.
Instead, his face clouds with confusion, like he is trying to process what she had said. Like it was not what he had been expecting her to say at all. He looks... disappointed.
Had that been too below the belt? He had just saved her life, and here she was, making fun of him. She felt like a colossal idiot. An even bigger idiot then the idiot in front of her.
'Don't ruin this' she mentally berates herself, 'Not after what he just did for you'.
Another moment passed, and still no retort. She feels despondent.
"Asuka?" At the sound of his voice, she meets his gaze again.
"Yeah, what is it, Lobster-Chan?" Another chuckle that she would be taking credit for. She feels proud of herself. Like she is the cause of something precious, and rare. She also feels a sense of smug satisfaction.
Let's see Wonder Girl make him laugh like that.
"Thanks... for checking up on me." He finishes the sentence with a small smile, directed solely at her. He was smiling at her. She had never seen him smile before.
She had not been smiled at like that for... well... for years. It was a nice smile, she admitted. She would like to see it more often. Directed at her. No one else.
She smiled back. Their eyes met again.
"You're welcome, idiot".
Warmth.
That was the first thing she noticed, after waking up from her comfortable, dream filled sleep. She looked up at an unfamiliar ceiling, and for the briefest of moments, panic took hold of her.
She shot up out of a unfamiliar bed, but stopped as soon as she felt a cord attached to something in her ears. After feeling around her head, she realised that she was still wearing the ear buds of an SDAT player.
That's right,' she remembered, 'I slept in here, last night'.
She looked over to the night-stand by Shinji's bed. 10.00 AM.
The retrieval attempt didn't start until 4PM. She had plenty of time to wake up and get ready.
She laid back down on the bed, and allowed herself to recall the dream she had just woke from. One particular image from said dream immediately came to the front of her mind.
It was a nice smile. And it was for her.
Her stomach growled an insult at her, and being the genius that she was, she deduced that she was hungry. Getting up out of bed, she prepared herself a modest breakfast of toast, and a bowl of cereal. She had remembered to pick up milk on the way home yesterday.
She sat at the table, scarfing down her first meal of the day. As she sat there, wordlessly chewing a cremated piece of toast, she let her mind wonder to what would no doubt be one of the most significant days of the conflict with the Angels.
The fate of the Third Child, Pilot of Evangelion Unit 01.
Shinji Ikari.
She could not promise Misato that she would be able show up to the operation. It would prove Misato right, in a way. The woman would be insufferable if she turned up. She could imagine what the smug slob would say.
"See, told you I was right, Asuka. I knew you missed him. Teeheehee". She sneered at her impression of Misato. She would not give the woman the satisfaction.
But she knew the real reason why she refused to turn up. She was scared. Scared of seeing it go wrong. She had been present when someone she cared for died, once before.
She was the one that found the body.
She did not want to be present for something like that. Ever again.
Disappointment filled her. Looks like she wasn't above running away from things, after all.
I guess that's something she had in common with Idiot Shinji.
She did however, make a silent pledge to herself.
If things did not go as planned tomorrow, if they could not retrieve Shinji from the depths of Unit 01's core... then she would always remember him, as he was, in that dream.
She would remember Shinji Ikari as a shy, quite boy, who had put himself in incredible danger to save her life, and succeeded.
Not because she was a pilot.
Not because she was a pretty girl who lived with him.
But because he cared about her. He cared enough to risk his life for her. Because, at the very least, he considered her important enough to be worth the risk.
And that meant something to her. Something she would not allow her more destructive impulses to ruin.
And if he is able to pull himself out of Unit 01?
Well... she did not know what she would do. She did not think she could ever admit any of these... feeling's to him. She did not know how to do so. She was... broken.
A life time of abandonment and indifference had formed a wall around her heart, and she did not know how to topple it. She was not sure she wanted to.
She did not think she could ever tell him how she really felt. How she could tell anyone how she really felt. She did not know if she could do this... she had spent too long pushing people away, too fearful of them seeing the real Asuka.
She did not think she could change who she was completely.
But, at the very least, she could try to be better.
Maybe she would cook for him, one night.
'That would be nice.'
~Fin.
A/N: This fic was born during a nifty little conversation in the AsuShin Mega Empire Discord server, and I decided to submit it for The Summer of AsuShin contest. I have an idea for a follow up one shot, but I'm just working out the kinks before I start writing it.
And please, if you haven't already, check out the above Discord server. It's awesome. Great discussions, a wide, multilingual community, and some of the best Evangelion fan fic author's are also members. It's primarily an AsuShin focused server, but it also has a pretty wide variety of opinions and views on Evangelion as a whole.
Swing on by. That's an order.
One final thing, would like to give a huge shout out to Discord members Su_Exodus & Richitzer for both proof reading and giving feed back! You guys are pretty based, ngl.
Handsome, too. *Blushes*
Peace out!