This is a quick one-shot AsuShin fic. I hope you like it. Its post 3I but kind of its on its own.
Today was the day. Shinji spent the morning cleaning and organizing. He managed to find time to get the apartment to a spotless level even he was proud of. The laundry was cleaned and put away. He found Asuka's old neural interface clips and shined them, leaving them on her dresser. He prepared some food for the next few days in sealed containers in the fridge now. He had delivered the yukata to Soryu for the festival earlier that morning when no one else had even gotten up yet. He made sure she knew where to be.
Even though it was Shinji's idea and he was in charge, before he had a chance to think of a name someone had coined it as "The Festival at the End of the World." The end of the world. He had ended it. He didn't like the name, but enough people did that it caught and stuck.
His little "family" was all out getting ready for the festival. Misato and Kaji were out on a day date. They were trying to make up for lost time it seemed. Rei had been dragged away with Asuka and Hikari for a girls' day before the festivities began. They would meet with the guys at the designated corner. He was proud to see his newly minted sister start down the path of humanity. Not the thing his father had shown her. No fated purpose but to live and be happy. Asuka, well she seemed to be doing well, and that was good.
The weight of nothing left to do started to set in. Shinji struggled with quiet moments since he came back from Third Impact. He felt like he had to do anything to help the survivors. After he had checked the weather that morning to make sure it was going to be perfect. Still he felt tired. He felt it in his bones and in his soul. He worked in so many ways to make tonight perfect. Now it was beyond his control.
Looking at Asuka's place at the table, he remembered their last fight. He had been out later than usual that day trying to track down a source of frying oil for the vendors running the stalls. It surprised him that it was easier to find fireworks than oil. Still he managed it. Coming home very late he knew he missed making dinner. Misato wouldn't mind much, but Asuka would be frustrated. As he took the elevator up, he thought about the plans for the next two weeks. It would be tight trying to fill out the stalls and get the whole thing assembled.
At the time he didn't realize that once word got out, that people would come out of the woodwork to make it happen. Not knowing that his future work would be easier than expected, Shinji just felt the weight of it looming. Upon entering the kitchen and seeing Asuka, he prepared for an earful. It didn't come. He set to work cooking. Eventually Asuka had sat at the table with the book she was reading. With no TV running besides occasional news or reruns, she had taken up finding a way to occupy her mind. This book wasn't just one she picked up from a library though, this was a gift from him. The german on the cover told him that clearly enough. The meal he made was simple, but she didn't seem to care. In fact, not a word came from her.
Deciding to avoid the fight, Shinji grabbed a change of clothes and took a shower. Afterwards, trying to wrap up the evening by prepping for tomorrow, when he was preparing lunch for the next day, the axe fell.
"Henri asked me to the festival." Asuka had put down the book and was watching him like a predator. What she wanted from him, he wasn't sure.
"And what did you say?"
"Yes, of course. I hope you aren't going to screw it up. It better be good."
"Yeah, me too." He knew it would happen. It just hurt more than he hoped. If he talked much more she'd hear it. She already held a level of disdain for him, to show weakness would just fuel that fire. She was gloating. She probably said it because she knew. She knew everything about him.
He kept working at the food. The silence irked her somehow until her dam finally broke.
"You're disgusting." It was simple as a whisper, but that is all it took to get her going and as she kept going her volume rose, "You're disgusting and I hate you! What do you think? That people would forgive you because you made a festival happen. You think I would forgive you." She was standing now, "Fuck you! Eventually someone would have come up with the idea, it's obvious! What if they really knew, huh? I do. I know. I remember you ignoring me. I remember you running from the responsibility. I remember you leaving me to die."
Of course he remembered it. He felt it everyday. Every time he looked at her, he felt the pain knowing he failed everyone. He failed her. Her tirade was just getting going though, "I remember you huddled under those stairs. I remember the hospital. What. You. Did. Then you just killed us all! Just because you couldn't take responsibility for your choices!" He felt his soul slip out a bit, a cold emptiness washing over him, but he didn't respond. "You know what?! It doesn't matter. If you are going to be like this, then I don't hate you. You are just occupying space. You are nothing."
Asuka stood breathing heavily. Her face was crossed with anger, but Shinji didn't have the courage to even look at her. With a huff she went to her room and slammed the door shut.
It was the last time they spoke more than a single syllable to each other. It was okay though. Shinji only needed a couple more weeks. There was no way she wouldn't be happy with the festival. He would make sure of it. She deserved it. Eventually he collected her dishes and cleaned them. Putting some food in his own stomach before turning into his room for the evening. He spent another hour preparing a few more pages of recipes. He had begun to collect them into a small book.
Breaking out of his reverie, Shinji cleaned himself up and put on his clothes. Noting the recipe book placed neatly on the counter. As complete as he could get it. One last look to make sure, and he was out the door. He hoped Kensuke and Toji would be as early as he was. It would be nice to talk for a while.
The week had been great for Asuka. The lead up to the big festival meant lots of shopping, primping, and preening. She even began to enjoy showing Rei how to be a human being. The yukata were all brand new ones and had some brilliant threadwork in them. Of course hers had to be red with pink cherry blossoms and white patterns of wind blowing the blossoms around. Hikari had chosen a yellow one with orange leaves dancing and gathering at her feet and arms. Rei had chosen a blue one with white blossoms with stars and moons in the night sky.
They had gone to a spa with Misato, and earlier that day had their hair done. Asuka sometimes felt naked without her interface clips in, but after the impact it felt silly to keep wearing them. Eva didn't define her anymore. She had them in a box somewhere, but after everything she had seen and experienced, it felt childish to wear them anymore.
After straightening the kimono a bit more, Asuak exited the room to find Hikari trying to help Rei who was completely confused as to why these clothes had to be so complicated. Thankfully, they had decided to set up in the Horaki household as they had plenty of experience with all the sisters around to help. They had dressed up as well, just not quite to the degree Soryu had demanded they should.
They were nearly ready to go and still early. Probably thanks to the helping hands they had. Soon their talk turned to their dates.
Asuka was fiddling with some stray hairs on Rei's head, "So, you remember what he is allowed to do. Boys can get their hormones going, but remember you are in control. Put your foot down, literally if you have to."
"Oh stop it Asuka." Hikar jumped in, "You know Kensuke isn't like that. He's probably more scared of her than any of the Angles." Turning Rei around and giving her a reassuring look, "Just try to have some fun. He will be a perfect gentleman I'm sure."
"Hopefully the Gorilla will have learned something then." Hikari shot Asuka with an annoyed glance.
"Can we have one night where you don't insult the boys?"
"Not Likely," Asuka tried to make a stand but the looks of all the other girls turned her, "but tonight I will be on my best behavior. Not for him, but for you."
Rei cut in, "We could also begin to trouble you with inappropriate comments on Henri, Soryu."
Welcoming the challenge, Asuka crossed her arms and smirked, "Take your best shot. He is handsome, from a respected family, well educated, and has a physique that even Jock...er Suzuhara would be jealous of. He's just about perfect."
"What about Ikari?" Rei had done it in one. Ikari was mostly off limits with Asuka around. Especially after she met Henri Mackensen. Henri was a grad student working and studying overseas when the angel wars began. Switching to disaster relief as a volunteer, he eventually made his way to Tokyo 3 just in time to be turned into a pool of orange juice along with everyone else. Having come back, he began taking a lower leadership position in helping those from other countries that had come back to Japan.
They had met when Asuka ran into him with Misato after a meeting. It was nice. It was easy. He was nice. Shinji was busy.
Shinji worked for Misato in any way he could. It seemed like he was trying to make right what he did. He also took on the guilt, and even a little hate from survivors. Soon, people just ignored him, and he kept going. Everyday he would get up, leave breakfast for the little family, and disappear for the day. Sometimes Asuka would find him moving rubble, or helping some family, or just helping make and serve some food. He always came home tired, made dinner, ate, washed, and went to bed. Only a few times did it seem he had the courage to talk with her, and it was always the same apology for this wrong or that. She let her anger and frustration and disappointment in him lash at him. It may have been tempered by what she had experienced during 3rd impact, but she knew he took those blows hard. Gradually he just seemed to move on. They didn't talk much after their last fight.
Shinji had begun to act depressed. He had barely spoken to anyone who knew him. He felt separated from the rest of the community. He was apologizing for any and every perceived wrong, even when he had no reason to be blamed. He treated himself like the doormat he used to. One time she had seen him take a blow from a returnee and just bow and apologize. If he could go through Third Impact and not grow from that, then he didn't deserve her attention. She tried again, one last time though. One night he had come home extra late and tired. She told him how Henri had asked her to the festival. She had accepted. Asuka could tell it affected Shinji, but he simply gave a remark about how that was "nice". Maybe he didn't care. She had enough and let him have it. She would break that shell or she would break him.
The venom she shot was like back before Impact. She shot every infraction, every sin, every failure at him. She fought to see that spirit of his rise up again. Deny it all. She knew it wasn't a fight when his shoulders slumped. A fight is when someone would strike back. No she understood she wanted him to fight, but instead he took the hits like a punching bag. Just like a punching bag, he would swing back and act like it didn't just get hit. It annoyed her. Henri didn't annoy her. His mind was on her level. He always had time for her. Especially once Shinji came up with the festival idea.
It was his baby so Misato put him in charge. Reaching out to find people who wanted to run stalls. Find fireworks and people trained enough to make use of them. Weeks he spent trying to make everything as good as it could be. From what she saw of the set-up, he was succeeding. Whatever he had been up to in the lead-up, he suddenly became very tired all the time. He must have burned out. She hoped the idiot had hit the wall hard enough to knock some sense into him.
"What about the baka?"
"He worked hard. Isn't it appropriate to express a level of gratitude to someone for their work?"
"She isn't wrong, Asuka." Hikari said, "I hope you will at least try to be nice to him. At least for tonight."
Asuka's brow furrowed and she turned to the door, "Whatever. Come on, we are all ready to go right?" As she led the trio out into the streets, she thought about it. She knew they were right, but they didn't know. Well, Rei did, but she didn't understand it from any normal person's perspective. After the last fight she just wanted to ignore him. Still, as the days had gone on, she could see it develop. The festival was going to be great. After that fight she was still regretting it. It didn't make much sense to her. Maybe she could at least be civil with him. She knew she threw the hardest hits in that fight, and Shinji wasn't the kind of person to hurt back even though she knew he could. She had seen as much of him as he had of her. He could have swung back and hard, but always held it back.
The boys were at the corner already. They had dressed up as well, but the happi they wore took a lot less effort to get right. Kensuke had an old family one in green and the Toji had a white and black one with a red bandana on. Shinji had the most basic blue, something to be found in a thousand stores. He probably didn't spend much time thinking about it.
There were waves and greetings. The normal humans blushed during it all pairing up. Asuka teased Toji, but only gently letting it be clear she would honor her truce with the jock for Hikari's sake. She still pointedly avoided talking to Shinji. Rei didn't say much drinking in the interactions around her, but when they began to walk and she took Kensuke's arm, she nearly may have given the poor boy a heart attack. It was something Misato had told her to do. Even Toji mustered some courage and took Hikari's hand. Shinji simply kept quiet, smiling gently, but staying on the edges of the group at all times. Part of the group, but not integrating or becoming a focus of attention.
Misato and Kaji had caught up just before they set off for the port area where the festival was set up. Misato was grinning widely enough, it was obvious that she had already had a couple drinks. Kaji was doing his best to keep her inner child from running too wild. They too had found some festive wear, but seemed to care less about the appearance.
As they walked, Asuka fell to the back of the group to where Shinji dutifully pulled up the rear.
"Hey." She had to break the ice. She knew he wouldn't.
"Hey."
"I...I wanted to say...sorry." When he simply looked at her confused she continued. "I said some things that got away from me. I meant them, but not like that and it was stuff I shouldn't have taken out on you. Also,...good job with the festival."
"Um, thank you. I wanted to do something special. Something to take a bit of the weight of it all away for a little while." They stumbled through conversation starters, but never really getting anywhere, and eventually just walked in silence.
They came to the corner that led down the main entrance road through the festival. The lights rolling down the hill to the sea, the dark trees and hill framing it, and the setting sun reflecting off the sea really made a sight to behold. Smells and laughter filled the air.
Group picked up pace and began to filter into the festival. Everyone except Shinji and Asuka.
"You coming baka?" For a moment he looked distracted.
Deeper in the crowd, Rei looked back at the scene in the distance of the two other former pilots. She then chose to return her attention to Kensuke who was doing his best to shoot a cork gun at a toy he wanted to win for her. His aim was imperfect. She would have to demonstrate proper use to him. It was sweet of Kensuke, regardless. She did her best to clear her mind of tonight's events, it was Shinji's choice anyway. He knew the cost.
Back at entrance, "Yeah, just taking it in. Go on ahead."
There was something off, but the smile was genuine. Not a mask. So, Asuka took him at his word and ventured in.
Asuka had done it again. When they met at the corner, she had found another way to be stunning. She radiated. She glowed. He knew why. Misato was a little buzzed, but Kaji and her were clearly happy. Unabashedly. Filtering through to make sure he found him during third impact took work, but that smile made it worthwhile.
Today was the culmination of all the long hours and effort. He found it comforting and relaxing to know that it was out of his hands. He had set the metaphorical stone on the crest of the hill. Like gravity, he just had to let it roll. He lacked any real control anymore, and having once lived as a god, it was nice.
All the smiles were nice. Toji was worrying all day about confessing tonight at the fireworks to Hikari. She would say yes of course, but that fear was always there. Shinji knew the fear well. Rei had counseled him well, and in return she found herself opening up. She even struck up a friendship with Kensuke. Where it might go, Shinji wasn't worried. Somewhere at the festival would be Ritsuko and Maya. He had forgiven her as much as he could for her actions, but much like himself it was a weight they would have to carry for a while. So many happy people. And then there was Asuka.
It didn't surprise him once she met Henri. Afterall, he had met him even before she had. Shinji knew they would fit. Oh it still hurt like a rusty dagger in the gut, but she was happy. For the first time in a long time, she had someone who wouldn't hurt her. Not like he did. Over and over again.
It surprised him when she took some time to talk to him while they walked, more so that she apologized. It was a kindness she gave him that hit him harder than he expected. Shinji was so sure that he had cut enough of those connections. Like holding a low sync ratio, he had hoped to keep the pain dull, but the simple admission from the redhead had felt as sharp as ever. It was a happy pain, but of course it still hurt.
Then, there was the festival. Shinji now lost his ability to speak for the second time today. With the sun setting behind Asuka's head, giving it a kind of halo glow, and everything else laid out before him. Shinji simply couldn't think. It was astonishing. It was awe inspiring. If he was an artist he would live the rest of his life trying to replicate that image in poems, songs, or paint. He was sure if he had he would always fall short.
Asuka called back to him. "You coming baka?"
Another voice caught his attention, "Are you sure about all this Ikari-kun?", the ghostly voice of Kaworu softly asked. "It is not too late."
"Yeah, just taking it in. Go on ahead." He gave Asuka a real smile. He tried to convey the feeling he had just watching. She seemed suspicious, but took it in stride and headed into the crowd.
Returning his attention to his apparition of a friend, "Yeah, I'm sure. Where?"
"Down the path leading up the hill." Shinji and his friend whom passed without notice to anyone else disappeared into the greenery.
Destiny? No, it was a choice. It was a cost. Was it a punishment? No, just a balance needing to be found. The thoughts were mounting in his mind, but the hill appeared before him. Kaworu was leaning against the tree and motioned for his friend to join him. This place would do. Shinji sat and looked out over the festival and the harbor.
"I wonder what she'll look like when they meet?" Kaworu voiced.
"Henri?"
"No the other."
"Oh, yeah. It'll really make her night."
"You could have at least told her it was for her." Shinji feigned an ignorant look at Kaworu. "The festival. Sure, it makes everyone happy, but I know you well enough at this point Ikari-kun. It was all for her."
"No, it would put a pressure on her. Tonight, she gets to be just Asuka. No one else. No expectations. Just her."
As the evening wore on and the first fireworks began to launch, a rustle in the brush. Footsteps. It was time.
Asuka had caught glimpses of a lot of familiar faces during her time at the festival. Rei was actually smiling as Kensuke was frustratingly trying to win a small game. Hikari and Toji were eating and talking shyly. She never saw Misato, but figured they were camped out already on a blanket waiting for the fireworks, most likely with their own drink supply.
Henri had found her soon enough. They ate and played and laughed. It was a stunning night all-in-all. Something felt off though. The more she thought about the smile on Shinji's face, the more she was reading into it. For a moment during Impact, they had truly known each other. And she was sure there was just a little water in his eyes as he smiled. Maybe he was just that happy, but something in her gut said otherwise.
Still Henri had been a good distraction. They toured and partook in the festival for the next couple hours. They talked endlessly. They competed to see who could win more games. She was leading of course, but suspected he threw two games to make sure she would be winning. Shinji wouldn't have won as many, but he would at least try to compete. Well, he would try as long as she prodded him the right way.
It was during a game of dart throwing, that Henri broached the subject. He had a feeling for a while now, "You should go to him."
"What? Who?"
"Ikari."
"Why would I want to go to him?"
"Asuka, you love him."
Now, no longer interested in the stupid game, or going to call his bluff if he was trying to psych her out, she whirled around at Henri, "What are you talking about?!"
He wasn't psyching her out. He was giving her a knowing look. Not happy, but accepting. "You don't even realize it do you?" That only made her eyes twitch in anger, "Do you realize that just about every other story you tell me or every other thing you say even references back to him?"
"What?"
"When we were talking about how to use the Magi to help in the rebuilding process you kept making comments about how nice it was to have someone thinking on your level, but then regressed into how it was still nice to someone who had no idea what you were talking about listening intently. Him obviously.
When we were helping unload supplies you kept moaning about how he was constantly helping everyone but himself or you.
When we went out and I made you a meal from scratch you told me a story about how he learned german cuisine secretly and surprised you with a bento on your birthday. You said it was like eating your grandmother's food again.
Tonight, every game stall, every food vendor. Did you have fun? Sure, but part of you isn't right here is it? It's searching for him."
She tried to protest, but Henri stopped her. "It's okay. I mean I wish it were me, but it isn't. Maybe one day if you two can't make it work, but I'm not betting against that."
"I don't want him. I want to be with you." She did protest now.
"You're Asuka Langley Soryu as you remind people so often. So while you don't think you want him, you miss the fact that you need him. Whatever it is, you need him. I'm sorry it isn't me, but this is for the best." Henri kissed her forehead and hand. "He needs you to. It took a while for me to remember, but I remember him. During the Impact I met him. We talked. I think he spoke about you. It's not a clear memory. But, the feeling was clear. He helped me find my way out."
Asuka was whirling excuses and reasonings in her head trying to come up with a solid argument, but she could find one that stuck. At some point in her head she remembered something Hikari said, "I know Toji isn't perfect. I know that there are other guys out there. He's a jerk and an idiot. He can be insensitive. And I just can't see a world I live in that doesn't have him in it. I hope he feels the same way about me." That was it. No matter how Asuka could conjure up a future, she had to have Shinji in it. She had never complimented his cooking, and she should have. She wanted him to cook for her more. To play his cello for her. She wanted him to smile at her, and for her.
"I'll see you around Soryu." Henri walk into the crowd and she couldn't rightfully find a reason to chase him.
Asuka was on a precipice. Of what she couldn't quite tell. Tears? Maybe. Fear. Yes. There was something else. Then, someone's voice broke her reverie. It was familiar, and warm in a way not many voices could be to her.
"Asuka? Is that you?" Before Asuka stood a woman in a simple yukata. Asuka's mind couldn't put it together how she knew her. She was only a little taller than Asuka was, and had long blonde hair with just a bit of red in it. The smile and the eyes are what broke through to her.
"Mama?"
"It is you, my schatzchen!"
They held each other and cried for joy. After gathering themselves a bit they found a bench and started talking.
"How?" Asuka couldn't comprehend. "How are you here?"
"I'm not sure myself. I vaguely remember someone telling me you needed me. I remember waking up on that beach. There was a young man there. He helped me to a hospital. Then doctors filled me in on what had happened with Third Impact. The boy came back eventually and introduced himself. Strange, I never expected the offspring of Gendou to be so polite."
"Shinji?"
"Yes, thank goodness he takes after Yui more. He did his best to explain things to me. How I was trapped in Unit 02. I vaguely remember that, but it is still hazy. It has only been a couple of days now. He gave me this as well, and told me I'd find you at the festival."
"That baka. I'm going to pound his head for not telling me immediately." Asuka was holding back a new wave of tears. That baka.
"Where is this Henri I've heard about?"
"It's...complicated." It was all happening so fast, Asuka's head was spinning. "Shinji makes it complicated."
Kyoko smiled. She might have missed most of her daughter's life, but she could still read her. They changed subjects and just talked for a while. When it came time for the fireworks the PA system announced it would begin soon. Asuka led her mother to the agreed-upon spot. They were all there to save one.
"My daughter," Kyoko got Asuka's attention, "Is everything okay. You look like you are looking for him. Is the Ikari boy not coming?"
That snapped her out of the daze that had taken over her evening. "No, but I'm going to fix that." Now with a mission Asuka began inquiring around the group. No one had any notion where he could have gotten off to. The first fireworks were going off, when Asuka noticed that Rei had stayed silent when she asked her and Kensuke. Target sighted, "Rei, where is he?"
"What do you mean?" Even Kensuke could sense the deception.
Asuka had enough of this, and grabbed Rei hauling her to her feet and a few steps away from their group. Asuka shot a look at Kensuke that kept him pinned to the ground. "Where is that baka? And don't try to lie again, because you stink at it."
Rei looked deep into Asuka's eyes, gauged the situation, and came to a decision. "I told him it was foolish, but he is where he is required to be."
"What do you mean? Quit being so evasive. Speak plainly."
"It all has a cost. He chose to change things, and those changes have costs."
"Cost for what? What kind of costs? What changes?"
Sweeping her hand across a wide arc in front of her, "Everything. The return of people. The return of people that shouldn't have been able to return. The clearing of the oceans. The good weather for the festival. The rebalancing of the Earth's axis to even out the seasons again."
"Wait, what?!"
"As my brother chose to end Instrumentality he returned with lingering power not dissimilar to what you would call a god, however now living as a person when he chose to change reality, it cost him. In there he could change things as much as he wanted with no toll to pay. The repopulation of the Earth's animals is a good example. He realized shortly after returning that the world needed some help to be livable again, so he set out to do so. Have you not seen it in him? Sometimes he becomes exhausted, or carries a fever or sickness for a bit."
"And what cost is he paying now?"
"The costs are both spiritual and physical. The bigger the change the harder it hits back. He literally had to change the world to make tonight happen. I warned him that the cost would be substantial." Rei seemed to struggle with some inner conflict, "I no longer wish him to pay it. I will break my vow of silence. He did it all for you after all. Perhaps you are the only one that can stop him. To change things for him."
Asuka was barely understanding, but a pit of cold fear began to fill her. "Where?"
Rei looked past her shoulder up a small hill where a tree stood out at the top.
Asuka ran up the hill. Rei's instruction was to get Kaji to sober up Misato and call for assistance. Something was going to happen and she feared the worst. Running was not easy in a yukata, but she managed it. When she broke into the clearing and saw Shinji's form seated at the base of the tree. Looking around finding no one and nothing else there, she breathed a sigh or relief.
The fireworks were deep into their show now. She wasn't surprised he didn't hear her come up behind him. "Hey baka, we were looking for you. Rei had said some things. Figured I better find you." He didn't seem to react. "I also have to give you a good one for not mentioning my Mother was back." Still nothing. Pouting probably. A bright star shell firework showed the truth.
His abdomen was glistening. He was taking shallow breaths, shaking, and a bit pale. He was shot. Was she too late?
The first fireworks were launching themselves into the sky.
"Shinji Ikari." The name rolled off the stranger's tongue like a curse.
"Yep. That's me." Shinji knew it was going to happen right here. Just like this. He could make everyone happy, really happy, for a while, but that would mean he would have to pay for it. He made this all for her.
He found Kaji for Misato as well, but also so Asuka would have a father figure again. Someone she could rely on when he was gone. He had made sure Toji came back with his leg intact which would make Hikari happy, but in reality a happy group of friends for Asuka to have around her. People who cared for no other reason that she was their friend. Henri was just perfect. He almost didn't mean to meet the man in the Impact. Yes, a man. More of one that he would ever be. He was right about him. He didn't have to push them together at all. Henri could make her so much more happy than he could. He didn't deserve to even be around her, but that would be taken care of shortly. Brining back Kyoko took more than he expected. Kaji was tough, but pulling Kyoko out of the remains of Unit 02, piecing her soul back together, and bringing her back took almost as much out of him as rebalancing the planet. For her.
She had everything she needed now. A purpose. Parental love. Friendship. Admiration and appreciation. Love and acceptance in every sense. A working planet to experience it all on, a party to celebrate it all. His work was done. He was tired now.
"You're not going to deny it? Not running for your protectors?"
"You want me to pay for ruining Seele's plans right? For destroying 'paradise', right? No, I know who I am. I am the man who sold the world."
The stranger was a little taken aback at this boy reading his intentions so clearly. "Yes. Seele gave humanity a perfect world and an eternity to live in it. You sullied it. You blasphemed. You tore it down and took it away."
"No."
"No? You deny your sins?"
"No, I sinned. You just named the wrong ones. Your paradise? A lie. I simply spoke the truth. Turns out most people aren't fooled that easily."
"You demon!"
"You're mad because you can see how happy they are out there. Happy to be truly alive again."
"Fleeting. We would have been eternal."
"Eternity in a stale purgatory. No, I can't condone it, but if it would bring you some kind of peace. Some happiness. I guess I will give you my life."
"It isn't enough. It will never be enough." Shinji couldn't hear the gun over the fireworks, and was surprised to only feel a quick sting in his stomach. "Still, I can make you suffer a bit. I hear a gut shot is a long painful death." The man had pressed a wound he didn't intend to, reminding Shinji of Misato's last moments. His fault as well.
The Seele loyalist was right. It didn't take long before the pain was reaching a height Shinji hadn't felt since the Angel Wars. It didn't have anything on Ramiel though. The stranger had left Shinji to die alone.
The fireworks were nice. Shinji thought as things went, there were worse ways to go. Kaworu kept him company. He didn't say much, just looked on sadly. The fireworks were really going now. It was getting cold now, and the pain was numbing slowly. It wasn't supposed to be cold. He had made sure it was a nice night. Oh yeah, blood loss. Breathing was starting to get hard.
"Hey baka, we were looking for you. Rei had said some things. Figured I better find you."
No, she wasn't supposed to be here. He couldn't turn his head to look at her. He was too weak. She continued after a pause, "I also have to give you a good one for not mentioning my Mother was back."
A bright flash and he saw the horror enter her face, "What the fuck! Shinji!" Asuka was now on her hands and knees putting pressure on his stomach. "Shinji what happened? Are you there?"
"Damn, I can't do one thing right, huh? There goes the baka screwing up again."
"What are you talking about. Just hold on Shinji, Misato will have help here soon."
Shinji wasn't really paying attention. "Why aren't you with Henri and your mother?"
"I came looking for you. You think I could just forget about you."
"I can't even die right. I wanted you to have one wonderful, beautiful night. I would just slip away, but you would have tonight. I found people to love you. To care about you. To not hurt you. And now I just fucked it all up. I can't stop hurting you. Sorry."
"Fuck that Shinji!" Asuka couldn't hear any sirens. There should be sirens right? "How the hell can I be happy with you dead? Huh?"
"All I can do is hurt you. I make you dinner, you hate it. I try to talk and I drive you away. I kissed you and made you hate me more." The tears were forming in Shinji's eyes. His sins were coming back at him now. Ruining all his work.
"You baka listen to me and listen well Ikari. I never hated your food. I hated that you were so damn good at cooking it. The german bento you nearly made me cry. When we talked you made me feel things I didn't want to feel. You cracked the shell I had made to protect myself. And the kiss, you know we both messed up there. You know I didn't hate it. You of all people. You saw during Third Impact."
"You still hate me though. You said so."
"I lied! Its what I do. I lie and exaggerate toI hurt people so that they can't hurt me!" Asuka was in tears. What hope could she give to this dying boy whom she spent so much time trying to tear down. "I can't live in this world without you! Don't leave me! You have to fight!"
"Why me? Henri is perfect."
"I don't know." But Asuka did know. She clearly knew. "Henri is a great guy. Smart and handsome. But he will never know what it feels like to breathe LCL. He will never understand what it feels like to have piloting EVA as his only purpose in life. That people only value you because you can fight the Angels. He will never understand the fear of trying to catch a falling Angel. Never feel the heat of a volcano on their skin. Never watch as one of his friends gets eaten by a bottomless void in an impossibly thin space and can do nothing to help. To fight against monstrosities and if you mess up, it's all over for everyone. He would never be the one who became a god and gave it up for me. There isn't anyone else who can dare to know me like you do."
Asuka just cried for a few moments. "I love you, baka. I'm sorry it took me so long, but please don't leave me now."
"Well...damn. Guess I really screwed up then." Shinji looked very pale now, but was smiling. "I'm sorry I couldn't heal the damage in your heart. I love you Asuka, but I think I took it too far. Really wish I hadn't now."
"You idiot. Now is not the time to get a sense of humor."
"Do you mind if we just watch the rest of the fireworks together?"
"Sure."
Shinji died, head in her lap, one hand holding his, and her other on the wound.
"Well ceiling, I see we will meet again." Shinji tried to speak after her cracked his eyes open to the familiar scene, but it came out more of a weeze.
"You could have said something to me at least," Shinji heard Rei's voice raised in anger at the foot of the hospital bed.
"If I had truly told the whole story he would probably deny it or work to change it, which could have been much worse. You know it." The apparition of Kaworu spoke in full volume.
"I could have gotten help sooner." Rei shot back
"And that would have ruined their moment."
"Regardless." She was clearly conceding. Then she saw Shinji stirring. "Brother it is good to see you awake again." Seeing a genuine smile on his sister's face was a gift in itself.
"Ouch"
Kaworu waved a farewell and faded from view.
"It turns out our friend was less than forthright about all the details. Claiming to have told as much 'truth' as was needed to reach an end."
"Ugh" Shinji shifted to a seated position "I guess I messed up. Again."
"You being alive is no mistake. I am glad you are still with us. Though I believe you are now completely mortal again."
"Yeah it felt like adjusting the weather might have been the last of the power." Shinji looked around and found no signs of a certain redhead. "Is she okay? Where is she?"
"She is NOT happy with you. A problem you are on your own with. She is not happy with me either, but I do not care. She is currently out to lunch with her mother. She should be returning,.." Rei glanced at the clock on the wall. Just then the door opened and Asuka stepped through with her mother talking casually about her college days. "...soon." Rei finished. "I will give you some space."
"So the baka woke up. About time!" Asuka had a strange mix of anger and happiness about her.
"Try not to kill him again Soryu, or we may have a disagreement."
"Oh I'll beat some sense into him, but I swear I'll leave him alive." Rei nodded, greeted Kyoko, and left.
Kyoko said, "So this is the infamous Shinji Ikari." She took a seat next to him. "Asuka has told me so many stories about you. Did you really jump into a volcano to save her? And did you really keep stealing her panties?"
This woke him up quickly, "Wait what? No! I..I mean yes I jumped into the volcano, but I...I…" He was coughing trying to get the words out fast enough. Asuka found a cup and filled it with water, handing it to the nearly choking patient.
Kyoko started to laugh, "You're right he is fun to tease."
"This blockhead couldn't catch sarcasm if you smack him in the face with it." Asuka smiled and continued, "Mother this is Shinji, the boy who is going to have to spend the rest of his life making all this up to me. Shinji, I guess you've met, but this is my mother Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu."
"You're a nice boy Shinji, but you're going to have to grow more of a backbone if you are going to survive my daughter."
Shinji chuckled and then coughed a bit before recovering, "Something she has told me in one form or another before. I'll do my best."
Kyoko stood and walked to the door, "Good, but for my daughter just because you changed the rotation of the planet for her, doesn't mean I think you've earned her yet. Be good you two." She left the two to work out what needed to be said and done. He was a good guy, with Asuka he'll become a good man.
Asuka smacked the top of Shinji's head, and only just light enough to not be a true attack. Shinji still checked his scalp for blood. "Ow."
"'Ow' is right! What the hell, Shinji Ikari?! You died! For almost 3 minutes! The paramedics finally got your heart going again, but you died!"
"Really, I guess I'm not good at that either." He smirked at the little joke.
"You think this is funny?!" Asuka glared and smacked his head again in the same spot, "'Oh I wanted you to have a beautiful night'" Asuka poorly imitated Shinji's words. "Two days later you finally wake up!" Asuka was using the full size of the room to vent her anger while walking around.
"Two days huh?"
"Two whole days where we weren't sure if the LCL infused blood we got you was going to save your scrawny ass or put you in a coma or kill you. It wasn't until this morning when you really stabilized."
"Sorry."
"Oh not this again! No, you don't get to apologize for suicide."
"It wasn't suicide."
"I would know, and I call it suicide." That one seemed to cut him too deeply reminding him of the time Section 2 had found her bleeding out in a tub. Asuka breathed, counting to ten mentally, "Sorry, like I said sometimes my words get away from me."
"I didn't know you would see it that way."
Clearly subdued now Asuka continued, "I did. I do. It was all the things I feared all over again. To me it was watching her kill herself again," Asuka gestured to the door her mother had left through, "It was the same as you ignoring me after that angel raped my mind. It was the same as people leaving me when I couldn't pilot anymore. It hurt. I know you know what that feels like."
"How can I make it up to you?" He was dejected, but hopeful.
"No more secrets. No more walls between us. Ever." Stopping and thinking, "Unless it is like a birthday present or something. Just use better judgement and trust me, okay?"
"Misato is pregnant."
"What?!"
"She doesn't want other people to know yet. And you just said...no more secrets. She wasn't actually drinking at the festival. She was happy."
Asuka, exhausted, sat on the bed next to Shinji. With a big sigh, "That is a good baka. My baka." She held his hand and began to turn red at the feeling.
"I love you." Shinji said feeling a warmth in himself he hadn't felt in a long, long time.
At first Asuka bristled but gathered herself. "Why'd you go and just say that out loud?"
"Because I wanted to tell you again. Because I wanted to hear it from you."
"You...you know…" Asuka was embarrassed and fumbled a mumbled "Iloveyou"
"I didn't catch that."
"I LOVE YOU!...Satisfied?"
"Yes." Shinji was lost on what the future held now. Asuka was the same. In both their heads played out a thousand possible futures. Eventually Shinji did the only thing that felt right for the moment and pulled her arm to bring her closer, sealing their vow with a surprise kiss. It wasn't full of passion or lust. It was sincere and warm and welcoming. A proper kiss with her. One he didn't screw up. Eventually they broke apart. At least one big, thick wall was now gone.
"I thought you wouldn't forgive me."
"Turns out you're not the only idiot in this relationship."
Asuka found a more comfortable position next to Shinji with his arm around her shoulders. They talked for hours. Through dinner. Until the nurses had to drag her out of the room. They talked for what seemed like days. Voicing all the things. They would talk for years to come.
"Daddy did this?" A little girl walked hand-in-hand with an older Asuka.
Asuka was not one to give up any fame or credit, but the creation of the yearly festival, she let him have, "Yes, of course he needed my help and Aunt Kaji to make it great, but yes Daddy made this."
Hearing the sound of his family walking around the stalls he was helping to organize, Shinji turned to find a little girl running, "Is that an Aki-monster I hear?" Shinji swept up his daughter in a big arch. She giggled and laughed. He pulled her into a hug and reached out to his wife. "You two weren't supposed to be here until tonight when the festival starts."
"Oh when she heard you were out here working without her, she insisted. We are supposed to be on our way to pick up the yukata from the cleaners."
"Mama said the 'works are gonna go boom. She said I ha' to use deeze ear t'ings."
"Well, your Mama is a very smart person. I would listen to her."
Shinji watched as his daughter tried to debate the issue with his wife. He couldn't be happier. Thinking back, it really was a stupid decision he almost made. Had he simply tried a little harder. Waited a little longer. He would have found his road in life.
He was happy.
She was happy.
They were happy.
It was going to be a good "Festival for the New World" this year. He knew it.
A/N: Thank you for reading. One of a couple story ideas I've had bouncing around my head over the years. I haven't written anything in many years. Starting over and using this as a warm up for a longer piece I'm working on. You know, get some writing-kinks out before I work on that. It might be more accessible than that work, but it is more near and dear to my heart.
This was just sprung from an idea of Shinji having some power left after returning and using it to help throw a festival, but the cost was he would disappear from the world. That evolved over time. I could have really fleshed out more and I feel bad for how throw-away Henri is. I may come back some day to turn this into a 3-4 chapter thing. Still, I really was just using this to get writing again for my longer series. I hope you found some part of it you liked.
Also, I had to throw in an Aki scene. I hadn't read 2nd Try before, and it got me hooked again on reading.