Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion (yet). Spoilers for the movie 3.0 + 1.01
Shinji looked at the dejected image of his father – now a teenager, just like him – sitting down at the train, mopping about his own failures.
The battle was over.
However, as the realization hit him, Shinji's mind returned to the images that he just saw after his father showed him the Golgotha object that linked the fabric of realities.
He was able to see himself - or alternate versions of himself - in several different worlds and timelines. In almost all of those universes, the Evangelions and the people that he met were a constant.
Until he watched different memories. No… they were more like images. They were in black and white, in a huge contrast with the other memories. Those memories were… his own? Or from his dad?
He could recognize the images of familiar faces. His father. His mother. Mari-san. Fuyutsuki-sensei. He watched the day that he was born.
And them everything started to become clear.
He reminded of himself as a child, living with his sensei. He remembered the day when he finally received a letter from his dad.
When he opened that letter, he could only read the first few words: "Last Will and Testament – to my son, Shinji".
And so, Shinji remembered his life. His real life.
His mother has died shortly after he was born. His father couldn't face reality and got ill. Bipolarity disease. Heavy depression. The man lost his mind and become trapped in his own mental prison, as his health deteriorated to the point that he wasn't able to take care of Shinji anymore.
That's why his father did it. That's why he left him to live with Fuyutsuki-sensei. That's why he never visited. And now Shinji knew that he wouldn't ever be able to talk with him or see his face again.
And it was on the day that he got that letter that Shinji also has closed himself from the real world. He just couldn't face the reality anymore. He wasn't able to deal with the fact that the father that he never got know and talk to him s dead. Gone forever. And on that moment, Shinji created a different reality.
A reality where his father needed him. A reality where his father has only abandoned him for a good and heroic reason: to be able to get his mother back. A reality where Shinji would fight and suffer, but he would also find a meaning to his meaningless life. A blessing and a curse. A fictional world. A world with Evangelions. A story that repeats itself in an eternal loop.
The realization hit him hard. He didn't belong to that world. He was a real person. His place to be is not here. Is on a different world. He has to grow up and become an adult That's what's Mari-san has been telling him all of this time during his treatment.
That also means that…. Everything he did, every person he met here… they weren't real. Just products and creations of his sick mind. That explains all those Freudian-like images and all those nonsense religious symbols he saw. Ah, and of course, it also explains the silly giant robot stuff.
So… it was time to say goodbye to it. Time to erase those worlds. This universe. To say Goodbye to All Evangelion.
He looked again at his father on the train. He finally has understood and forgiven the man, and, for the first time in his life, was not looking at him with fear or hate. No. He was looking at his father with compassion and love. And he vowed to do different. To be better. To choose a different path.
"He is the center of Instrumentality this time, the origin of the circle. I'll take over from here" – Shinji could hear the voice of Kaworu Nagisa.
It all makes sense now. Kaworu was there in all those loops, always trying to make Shinji happy and giving him strength, even if he was absent most of the time. Like a father would do.
Also, Rei was always present to protect and take care of him in her own and unique gentle way. Like a mother would do.
He can't erase them. Even if they are just creations of his mind, he couldn't have made it here without them. Even if this universe isn't real, he can't just erase them. He has to preserve them. To find a safe place for them.
Because…. They are as important to him as… Asuka.
Asuka.
In all of those timelines he always met her. And he always fell in love with her, even thought they sometimes hurt each other badly.
Asuka…. Is she not real?
It can't be true. She just feels so real. Or felt so real. This time she didn't seem to be like the Asuka he knew but…
No matter which version of Asuka, he would fight for her happiness. Who cares if she is not real…? His feelings for her sure are. And that's enough.
"Shinji Ikari, what do you wish for?" – Kaworu asked him.
He needed to let them go. He can't live in this universe anymore. But he also doesn't want to forget them. He wants to see them again. Because his feelings are real. He has to preserve them. To find a safe place for them before he leaves this universe.
"I'm good. Even if there's pain, I think it's alright. More than myself, I want to help Asuka and everyone else."
'Kaworu… Rei…. Thanks for everything. I want you two to be happy even if I'm gone. And Asuka I…. I love you more than you'll ever know. I love you enough to…. let you go. I will fix you in the best way I can. I know that it's selfish, but... before I sent you back to the place you belong, I must see you again and tell you that.'
"I will try, Ayanami. Neon Genesis."
He opened his eyes. He was standing at a train station and he could swear that he saw Asuka, Rei and Kaworu on the other side of the station, boarding on a train to an unknown place. Maybe, if he knew the place, he could go after them again and…
His line of though was cut with a hug from the back and two hands covering his eyes.
"Guess who?"
He responded like he always did. It has become a nice little game between them during the years, even when he was a teenager.
"Large breasts, nice girl."
"Right answer (sniff). As always, you smell nice. Is that the scent of an adult?"
"You are as cute as always.", he said, playing a little bit with her glasses.
"Hoho, you've become such an adult."
'You're right Mari-san. I think I finally was able to say Goodbye to Evangelion.'
He closed his eyes as he felt like Mari has removed his DSS choker. But that's silly. This is the real world and there is no DSS choker or something like that. Nevertheless, he felt that something has happened.
He felt free, for the first time in his life.
"Well, let's go, Shinji."
"Yes, let's go".
He accepted Mari's hand and went upstairs.
As they exit the train station, they walked for a while until they reach their destination. He talked to her again.
"Mari-san… I think I've made a lot of progress. So, you really didn't have to go all the way here to take me to your clinic. I know the way, you know."
"Yes, I could notice. Like I said, you smell like an adult now. But mental health is a serious deal. Nobody gets over such a trauma by themselves and without professional help. So, you still have to go to your appointment at least once a month. I would like to check up on you to avoid a relapse – even if I know that some relapses can be reaaaally good trips."
"T-thanks Mari-san. For taking care of me all of these years. But you know that I just got a new job in another city, so it would be hard to me to keep going back to…"
"Ah, come on. Don't be a puppy. Are you gonna miss this great opportunity to come here and take a good look at my huge pair of…"
"Glasses!" – shouted a very distinct feminine voice.
"Oh… hi, princess. As punctual as always, I see."
"You're the one who is two minutes late. How dare you leave your patient waiting for you just to flirt with such a plain simple man? Are you his wife or something like that?"
Shinji stared at the girl, in awe.
"Sorry for the delay, princess. Well, but isn't that really interesting? Now we will have another issue to discuss in your therapy Instead of another session to talk about your issues with your mama and dad, your teenage crushes on older men, your anger and self-hatred under your strong armor, can we talk about your difficulties about admitting your romantic feelings?"
"W-what! Isn't like that! Are you stupid? What kind of professional you are, saying such embarrassing things in front of this pervert? Oooh… I don't know why I still bother to do this therapy thing with you of all people!"
"Because I'm so great at my job. In fact, so great that I know you really like me, princess. Sadly, not in that way. Maybe the puppy here is most likely your type. I may be a shrink, but I'm also great at arranging wedding preparations."
Both patients blushed, as the woman rushed inside the consultation room and slammed the door with anger.
Shinji looked at the shrink and asked.
"Wait a second Mari-san. Is she… I…"
"Is she the same princess that lives in your mind? Hm... I think it's not likely. She is a real person and not your idealized version of rough love, and you shouldn't project your thoughts about a fictional character into a real person. But who knows? Maybe there are some unknown mysteries in this existence that are beyond our comprehension. After her appointment is over, we can discuss those issues."
Shinji looked as Mari entered the consultation room.
"Oh… just one more thing, puppy. You're not the only one who has been trapped in a world with Evangelions. Nobody knows what is the border between fiction and reality. But I do believe that there's a healthy way to balance things out. And if you learned your lessons, you know that you have to make a decision this time. Just don't wait 14 years to make a move, ok?"
As the door closed, Shinji couldn't help but smile.
"Well… I guess that this story really isn't over. And all is right with the world."
Hope you liked it.
This story is based on a interesting fan theory about the meta theme of the final Rebuild's movie.
By this theory, Shinji, after seeing all universes, he realizes that he is in fact Anno/Viewer/Real person, and that the only real people are are the ones he saw on Gendo's flashback (Gendo, Yui, Mari and Fuyutsuki). That's why he tells goodbye to his imaginary girl he liked (Asuka) and to his imaginary parent-like figures (Kaworu and Rei) and has to go back to the real world with the one character that wasn't present at the original series.
I think that theory fits the Rebuilds - that are some much more Shinji-centered than NGE and basically treated the other characters as "artificial", like parodies of they former incarnations.
But I think that other characters of the original series (especially Asuka Langley Sohryu) are as interesting and "real" as Shinji, so maybe they will also be able to free themselves form the "Curse of Eva" and find a place in the "Neon Genesis" world, especially because of the ambiguous "train station scene" at the ending.