Chapter 12: Whiplash

No one had ever stayed the night with Seifer in his room before. Since his bed was much narrower than Quistis's, they couldn't help but be nearly on top of one another. Every time one of them moved, it roused the other — a fact he took frequent advantage of during the course of the night. The first time she rolled over and woke him, his right hand found its way to her breast. Then, when she released a pleasant sigh, it tracked further downward until he wound her up so tightly she climbed on top of him.

Hands on his shoulders, she took him in steady, rocking motions that built to a long, slow climax that curled his toes. Shaken and limp afterward, he gathered her up against his chest and kissed her until they both ran out of breath. Sighing happily, he traced patterns on her back until she fell back asleep, then eventually joined her in oblivion.

The next time they woke neither had the energy for another round. So Seifer merely folded her newly against him, nuzzled his face against hers, pressed long kisses to her face and neck, and then drifted off once more.

Again and again, they woke, reaffirmed their place in each other's arms, then went back to sleep.

By morning, Seifer's heart was more full than he'd ever imagined it could get without bursting. It strained in his chest and he wondered if the press of Quistis's back against his ribs might be the only thing holding it in.

With pale light streaming in the window, she groaned and shifted.

He buried his face in her hair and squeezed her tight. "Morning."

"Mmm. Morning." She stretched, her toes brushing his. "What time is it?"

He turned enough to see his clock. "Six forty one."

"Oh. Good." She turned over to face him, her blue eyes still slitted with sleep, her mouth curved in a lazy smile. "We've still got a while then."

"Yeah."

They were both headed back down into the Deep Sea Research Center again today, but not right away. Whereas the day before had been all hands on deck in order to clear the place out, today the teams were split into guard duty shifts. Quistis's team — and thus, Seifer's — was not scheduled to take their shift until around lunch time. Seifer did have to teach his class today, but not for a little while yet.

"This is two days in a row now. Aren't you missing out on your morning run?" Quistis asked.

"Nah. I think I've been getting more than enough cardio lately."

The side of her mouth quirked in amusement and a rush of unfiltered pleasure coursed through him. He liked making her laugh and flirty banter came easily to him. It struck him as one of the most genuine things she might actually like about him. And that made him feel good about himself. Plus, banter made all this seem less serious, like something they could laugh about rather than the heavy, intense sensation growing in his chest every time he looked at her.

Sensing that his thoughts were straying into dangerous territory, he stretched and folded his arms behind his head. "Want to get breakfast? I don't know about you. But I'm starving."

She sat up on one elbow. "I think I probably look a little too rumpled to skip straight down to breakfast."

He grinned because she did look a mess, her hair all in a tussle, her cheeks flushed, and even a small mark near her collar bone where his mouth had left a small bruise. With all the nibbling and eager sucking she'd done in return, he supposed he probably had one or two as well. He couldn't deny how utterly and profoundly that idea pleased him.

"I could go get some food and bring it back," he offered. "You could stay here and sleep some more while I'm gone."

"That sounds nice. But…"

He looped both arms around her waist and smiled at her. "But what?"

She looked uncomfortable at what she was about to say, and he had a flash of panic before it finally came out. "I really have to pee."

A laugh burst out of him. "Ah, fuck. Right. Of course you do."

"Sorry." She wriggled. "It really does sound lovely…"

"You don't need to explain. It's fine. C'mon." He swung his feet out of bed and bent over to collect items of clothing off the floor.

Behind him, Quistis blew out a relieved breath. "Thanks. I'd like to go before—" A noise from the common room cut her off and she went pale. "Damn. Too late."

"Too late for what? You're worried about Fujin and Raijin?" He tossed her bra and panties onto the bed. "Don't be. I'll just ask them to make themselves scarce for a few minutes while you leave."

"But then they'll know you had someone in here with you," she pointed out.

He laughed softly. "I'm pretty sure they already know that."

Quistis flushed with embarrassment and quickly got onto her knees on the bed to pull her underwear on.

"You don't have to worry about them, you know. Even if they knew it was you in here, they wouldn't talk about it. I guarantee you nothing about last night will go beyond this dorm room."

Quistis bit her lip. "Yeah. But…I don't think I can face them. Not after what they must have heard."

A shiver of delight brought Seifer back to the bed where he leaned down against it with both hands to bring his face level with hers. "Maybe if we make enough noise right now they'll get the hint and clear out, then you won't have to sneak past them."

She quirked an eyebrow. "The only noise they'd hear right now is when you scream because I accidentally peed all over you."

He laughed. "Hey. It's not really my thing, but if you're into it then I could be, too."

"Be serious. My bladder is about to explode."

"Fine." He straightened and pulled on a shirt, then a pair of sweatpants. "Give me a minute. I'll let you know when the coast is clear."

"Okay."

He paused to look at her a second longer, watching as she got back into her clothes — marveling at the fact that the background to such a scene was his bedroom — before he turned and walked out.

When he emerged into the common room, both Raijin and Fujin were sitting on the couch, tying their boots.

"MORNING," Fujin barked.

"We're just heading out," Raijin added. In his rush, he caught his finger in one of the loops of his shoelace and had to wriggle it free. "Won't be back for a while. So you can…um…ya know."

"It's fine, guys. She's just about to leave."

"Even so, you probably need your…um…space to say goodbye, ya know? So we're just going to go…uhh…" Raijin got up and edged toward the door.

"EXERCISE," Fujin provided.

"Yeah! We want to get a couple laps of the Training Center in before breakfast."

Seifer crossed his arms and watched them scamper out the door in amusement. "Don't overdo it on an empty stomach, guys!"

The door closed behind them and, shaking his head with a grateful laugh, Seifer turned and went back to his room genuinely grateful for the few extra moments of privacy he'd have to see Quistis out the door.

When he walked back into his room though, he saw her standing in front of his nightstand, looking down at something. With a lurch of his stomach, he realized what.

His stack of library books sat there, the romance novels he'd checked out right on top, turned over so their covers faced down. Quistis had folded one of them open and was looking inside.

"Quistis?" His voice came out strained.

She jumped and slapped the book shut. "Sorry! I just wanted to see what you've been reading. I didn't expect—"

"They're not mine," he quickly interjected, his whole body hot with humiliation. "They're Fujin's. I offered to return them for her and haven't had the chance yet."

"You were at the library last night," she pointed out.

"I know. She...gave them to me after that."

Quistis pressed her lips together and regarded him doubtfully. "Why are you lying to me about this?"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. It's fine. You can read whatever you want to read. Right? Weren't you the one just telling me that?"

Damn it. Seifer advanced toward her a step, clutching desperately at a proper way to handle this conversation. This wasn't something he'd ever wanted her to find out about. Or anyone, for that matter. His brief ownership of these books was supposed to stay strictly between him, God, and the library database.

"I'm not judging you if you like them," Quistis added. "I do, too."

Sighing, Seifer decided to just come clean. "I didn't check them out because I like them. They were research."

"Research? For what?"

"For you."

Now that he was saying it out loud, it sounded so much more insane than he'd thought. But Quistis already knew the worst of him. Right? If she'd slept with him knowing he'd betrayed the whole world to become Ultimecia's henchman, then his weird romance novel scheme should hardly make her bat an eyelash.

Quistis shook her head. "I don't understand."

"I used them to make a list. A plan of attack."

"For me?"

Embarrassing as it was, he pushed past her and opened up the drawer, fetching out his handwritten list. Everything inside of him screamed not to trust her with this. That nothing good had ever come from letting another person in. But he remembered rubbing his cheek against hers in the night, her happy sighs in his ear, and her arm locked tight around his waist as they slept…and he decided it was time to take a leap.

He handed the list to her, blushing furiously.

Her eyebrows bent together as she read it.

"Seducing Quistis Trepe…"

"I know it's lame, but—"

Her gaze flashed back up to his, and she didn't look embarrassed for him. She didn't look how he thought she would at all. Instead she looked angry.

The shock of it knocked him sideways and he stepped back toward the bed.

"Is everything we've done on here? The breakfast date? Running together? Winning me a prize at the festival? Singing a love song?"

"No. Well…I mean, sort of. Some of it."

Her grip on the paper tightened, crinkling it. "So…none of this has been real?"

Again, her reaction utterly blindsided him.

"What? Of course it's been real."

"Not if you've just been acting this whole time."

He stared at her, uncomprehending. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"That if you've been following this plan, just saying and doing things you read in a book…then nothing about this has been genuine. What part is you and me? And what part is just a fantasy you've been playing out?"

A fantasy? What the hell?

"Why are you freaking out about this? It's just a stupid list. It's nothing."

"It's not nothing to me! I was starting to think that I was…" She clamped her mouth shut and flushed a furious shade of red. "But now I don't know what was you and what was a book."

He grabbed her by the arm. "That wasn't a goddamned book in bed with you last night, Quistis. That was me, whether you want to admit it or not. Just because I followed someone else's advice doesn't make it fake. You're just trying to rationalize away the fact that you slept with me — multiple times — and liked it."

She visibly bristled at his tone and tugged her arm free of his grip. "Physical compatibility and attraction is not the part of this relationship I'm taking issue with right now."

He crossed his arms. "Oh. This is a relationship now? I must've missed that between you not wanting anyone to know about it and being terrified of ever having your name associated with mine."

His cutting tone made hers sharpen as well. "Is that why you made this list? Because you knew if you acted like yourself I'd never get into bed with you?"

"No. I made this stupid list because I didn't want to disappoint you," he snarled and snatched it back from her. "Excuse me for giving a shit."

That left her speechless.

"Listen," he said after a second, "if you want to stop doing this, that's fine. You're not my girlfriend. You can just stop coming over and I'll forget this even happened. I promise I won't tell anybody about your dirty little secret."

"It's not a dirty little secret."

"So you'd be okay telling all your friends about it? You want to go down to breakfast with me right now?"

She clamped her mouth shut and couldn't answer.

"That's what I thought." He forked both hands through his hair and turned away from her.

"It's not that…I just…" She growled in frustration. "Damn it, Seifer! I don't know how I feel now! Was any of what's happened between us genuine?"

"If you even need to ask me that, then you can just get the fuck out right now," he snapped and gestured toward the door, not even looking at her. He couldn't. Not with the humiliating tears that were currently searing his eyes. That she would react this way over a list…over the slightest whiff of suspicion…

Maybe she was right and they really hadn't had anything at all.

She hesitated a moment and he wondered if she would stay and try to repair what she had broke, but then he heard her steps move toward the door. It swished open and she walked out into the common room, gaining speed as she went. She was jogging by the time she reached the door.

And then she was gone.

Seifer waited several seconds before releasing the breath he'd been holding. It rushed out, tremulous and pained. More a sob than a sigh.

Fuck.

Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck.

How had it come to this? A few minutes ago they'd been in his bed together, happy. He'd had the best night of his life. And now…

Now he felt like she'd ripped his heart out and set it on fire.

He'd known she would do this. That should have made it easier. But over the past few days as she continued to stick around, he'd allowed himself to begin to hope…and that only made the knife twist deeper now that she had finally plunged it in.

He should've known better than to trust. To believe that he could ever be loved.

He wouldn't make the same mistake again.

Forty minutes later, Seifer sat staring at his breakfast, unable to bring himself to eat. Across the table, Raijin and Fujin looked on with obvious concern. He knew what they wanted to ask but they were correct in supposing that he didn't want to talk about it and he appreciated that so far they'd kept their mouths shut and let him brood in silence.

Even so, the constant pressure of their collective gaze was starting to piss him off even more.

"Just fucking ask already," he growled.

"Ask about what? I wasn't wondering anything, ya know?" Raijin demurred.

"Oh, good grief. Fine. I'll just tell you then. It's over."

"OVER?"

"The girl who was over this morning. The thing between us — whatever the fuck it was — is done."

Raijin and Fujin exchanged glances, as if trying to decide who should speak up to say whatever it was they both so plainly wanted to say.

Seifer slammed his fist down on the table, rattling his plate. "What!?"

Fujin shifted, kicking Raijin under the table, and he sighed. "It's just that…are you sure it's done?"

"Pretty damn sure. Why?"

"Because she stayed overnight with you. And you stayed overnight with her. That's pretty serious, ya know? You've never had a girl over like that before."

Seifer shrugged. "There's a first time for everything."

"Yeah, but…" Raijin shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "You two sounded pretty…um…happy together. One argument might not mean it's over, you know?"

"This wasn't a small argument," he assured them. "And it's something I've been pretty sure was coming for a while. She doesn't want to be associated with me. That's why she didn't want you guys to see her — lest it sully her reputation." He rolled his eyes. "It's better that it's done. I always knew it couldn't last."

Fujin reached across the table and put a hand on his arm. "SORRY."

"Yeah, man. That's too bad, ya know?"

"Yeah. It blows. Anyway…now that you know, you can stop looking at me like my dog died. Okay?"

"If that's what you want…"

"It is."

They both nodded in agreement and Fujin pushed his plate toward him. "EAT."

He tried. It all tasted bitter and settled in his stomach like a bunch of rocks, but he did his best. Fighting back the urge to drop his head into his hands and groan in misery, he choked down a bit of orange juice and proclaimed himself done with his meal. If it all came up later, well…that would be a fitting addition to his day.

Though they were clearly not finished eating, Fujin and Raijin got up with him anyway and emptied their trays.

"Got any plans for the morning, boss?" Raijin asked, striking a cheerful tone.

"I've got to meet with my class before heading off for Deep Sea Research Center patrol."

They followed him all the way to the Training Center and helped him to prep for his class, then stuck around to watch over him like a bunch of mother hens as his students filed in. No one seemed to notice or question his posse looming in the background so he ignored them as well as he set his class to preforming a punishing warm-up routine.

"Pick up the pace!" he barked to a kid slow-jogging past him. "Run like there's a goddamned t-rexaur on your ass because next week there will be!"

The cadet sped up a bit and Seifer grunted in satisfaction.

It felt nice to exert some control over what was going on around him for once and to have, if not respect, then at least obedience. Here, during this class, was the one time in his life now that he had status and authority. The sense of control acted as a balm to the wound Quistis had left him with that morning. Though, granted, it was somewhat like putting a bandaid on a bullet hole…

When at last he dismissed his class, sweaty and exhausted, he was annoyed to notice Alexandra Heller lingering behind the rest of the class.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be, Cadet?" he asked.

She approached, her arms behind her back, not looking nearly as winded as she ought to after the work he'd put the class through. "I just wanted to say that I'm glad you're back, Mr. Almasy. We missed you yesterday when you were gone on the mission."

Seifer crossed his arms. "Well, the mission's not over yet. So maybe you all should get used to the idea of having a sub once and a while."

Heller stepped closer and he resisted the urge to move back. He didn't want to give ground to a measly cadet — but he didn't want her that close to him either.

"I'm sure your team is grateful to have been placed with you," she purred. "I know if I were going somewhere that dangerous, you're the one I'd want at my side."

A small part of Seifer ate up the compliment, ravenous for any positive reinforcement at all regardless of where it came from. But the larger part of him revolted in fury that of all the people who would bother to try and see something good in him, it had to be a sixteen year old girl who was too naive to know the difference between her fantasy of a bad boy and the ugly, hard truth of the real thing.

Time to burst the bubble.

"Listen," he told her seriously, "if you don't knock this shit off, I'm going to have to move you out of my class."

Hurt flashed briefly across Heller's face but was replaced almost instantly by a puzzled smile. "I don't know what you mean…?"

"The compliments. It has to stop."

"Why? Is saying something nice to you against the rules or something?"

"No. But flirting with your instructor is pretty fucking frowned upon. It's not going to get you anywhere, so just drop it. All right? I don't want to kick you out. You're not one of my better students, and it would look like I don't know how to deal with a failing cadet. But honestly, I'm not in the goddamn mood to deal with this shit today. So take this as your one and only warning: cut it out or leave."

He purposefully hadn't minced words, and he expected the weight of them to crush her. Instead, she stood straighter, the opposition to push against only seeming to make her want to shove harder.

"It hasn't bothered you before. Why now?"

"Just because I haven't said anything doesn't mean it hasn't bothered me," he replied, though that wasn't entirely true. He hadn't actually noticed Heller's attentions until Quistis had pointed them out and wasn't sure how long it had been going on without him taking note of it. Apparently quite a while.

Cadet Heller backed away, but not before firing one last parting shot: "You know," she said softly, "if treating you like someone who is worth a damn is what gets me kicked out, then that's a hill I'm willing to die on."

With a flick of her hair, she turned and left.

Seifer stood there, struck dumb, until Raijin and Fujin came up behind him, their feet crunching in the dry dirt of the Training Center floor.

"OKAY?" Fujin asked.

Seifer cleared his throat. "Fine. Let's go. I've got a mission to prep for."

They walked out together with Cadet Heller's words still ringing loud in Seifer's ears. Words that both buoyed and hurt because of how much he would have liked to hear them from someone else instead.

Quistis rubbed her arms and drew in deep breaths, trying to calm the nervous racing of her heart. The stinging of her eyes warned her that she was perilously close to tears but she refused to let them fall. She'd done enough of that this morning. She sure as hell wasn't going to let all of Garden see her crumble like that, even if all she wanted to do was collapse into a heap and bawl until her eyes swelled shut.

Damn it. She couldn't let herself be this emotional during a mission.

The other SeeDs on her team would be here any minute. She needed to be in control.

Hard as it was to maintain her poise now, she had no idea how she would manage once Seifer showed up and she had not only look at him but work with him.

It didn't help that last night had been so marvelous. She'd woken up this morning fully half in love with him, nearly ready to give her heart away completely. So when she'd found out about his list — about the detailed plan he'd made to seduce her — it had terrified her.

She'd known going into this that Seifer was a risk. A big one. He'd never shown any evidence of being selfless enough for a relationship. All along, she'd been struck by how different he seemed when they were alone together. Now she knew why.

And once she'd discovered his secret, the mask had come off. He'd turned cruel, shouted at her, and kicked her out — the real Seifer again. The one who she always knew would eventually show up to break her heart.

God, she'd been a fool to trust him. To think she could love him and that he might love her back…

But it had just been sex. Nothing more.

Not for the first time, she considered tracking down Rinoa and asking her to trade places with Seifer again. However, almost as soon as the thought occurred to her, she dismissed it. She couldn't admit that they'd had a lover's quarrel, so she would have to blame the move on some other form of bad behavior on Seifer's part and, professionally at least, he simply hadn't had any. He'd played the part of a perfectly controlled, perfectly competent SeeD on their mission the day before. And he didn't deserve demerits or to have his career prospects derailed just because their affair had blown up in their faces.

Stuffing down her emotions as deep as she could get them, she leaned against the Garden directory and tried not to look like she was falling apart.

She was so focused on mentally prepping herself for Seifer's arrival, she nearly forgot that she had another teammate to consider until Rika Sato walked up along side Nida, both of them smiling shyly at each other.

"So, I'll see you at dinner?" Rika asked.

Nida nodded. "It's a date."

They looked at each other for a long moment, then both laughed nervously and bid each other farewell. When Rika turned to Quistis, she was breathlessly happy.

"Got a date with Nida?" Quistis asked, trying to sound pleased at her teammates turn of fortune rather than bitter.

"Yeah. I figured after the talent show, I'd better move quickly if I wanted to get my foot in the door with him. I wasn't sure he'd actually say yes though! I mean…he's probably being asked out a dozen times a day right now."

"I don't know about that. But he looked pretty pleased to be asked out by you."

Rika covered her cheeks with both hands. "You think so?"

"Yeah." Quistis smiled then, though it hurt. "He's a good guy. I hope you two hit it off."

"Ah, God. Me too. I'm so head-over-heels for him. Like…totally in that phase where you can't think of anyone or anything else. You know?"

"Yes. I do…"

Rika sighed and lost herself in a daydream.

Around them, the other teams Quistis would be leading were beginning to assemble. She was watching another team convene for a strategy session when Seifer came up behind her. She sensed his approach like an oncoming storm, an indescribable heaviness to the air prickling against her skin. Shivering, she turned to face him.

"Good. You're here. We're deploying in five. Are you ready?" The words fired out of her, shotgun like — a barrage of work-related small talk to throw up a wall of professionalism between them.

"Of course I'm ready," he barked.

He had on his usual gray trench coat and, with Raijin and Fujin trailing close behind him, he looked just as he had years ago when he'd been a student in her class, about to embark on his final field exam. His scowl was back, too. The weight of it shocked her. She hadn't noticed until he pointed it at her now how little he'd been using the expression lately or how much lighter he had seemed without it.

"Good." She swallowed hard, professionalism not working worth a damn to insulate her from the pain that simply standing next to him was already rendering in her heart.

Seifer immediately turned away from her to engage in quiet conversation with his posse while he waited for the signal to depart. Considering that only a few hours ago, they'd been in bed together, the swiftness with which he broke away from her and how easy it seemed for him made for a seismic shift so vast that it left Quistis feeling unsteady and untethered.

Hyne. This is what she'd feared all along. That she would get way too emotionally invested and he would shatter her.

When it was finally time to go, she was glad for the distraction of a mission to run. As she led her teams down into the Research Center, they passed Squall's on their way back up. He paused to give her an update.

"Tech teams are making good progress. Not a lot of monster activity either, so this should be an easy shift."

"Is Zell working right now?" she asked.

"I think he's on level three."

"Thanks."

Squall's gaze skipped briefly to Seifer, then back to Quistis, as if giving her the opening to rid herself of him if she chose. She didn't chose to, though she was sure she would regret it.

"All right then. Good luck," Squall told her before filing out with his people.

Squall was right; the tech teams were making good progress. On the first level, almost all of the stations were up and running, broken electrical conduits and bits of hardware had been replaced, and a steady hum emanated from the walls where machinery was running just out of sight. The second level was still a work-in-progress, however, and the third was a total mess.

"Hey, Quisty!" Zell waved her over as soon as she arrived. "Did you get the chance to look through any of that stuff?" he asked.

"A bit."

"Find anything interesting?"

"Nothing solid," she hedged. "How about here? Anything new?"

Zell grinned at her. "Yeah. Check it out."

He tapped on a keypad to bring up a screen with columns of text.

"A database of some kind?" Quistis guessed.

"Of every encounter down in the dig site," Zell replied. "They gave each one an incident number. That's this column here. Here's the monster involved. And for each one there's a writeup of what happened. Most of them are what you'd expect. Iron giants smashing things. Tri-faces spewing poison. That sort of stuff. But some of them are marked 'unclassified.' I think that means they didn't know what it was."

Zell brought one of the 'unclassified' incident reports up and Quistis leaned over Zell's shoulder to read.

It described a team being beset by powerful status magic, succumbing to total confusion, and barely making it out alive.

"Sounds like this one might have been an imp," she said with a disappointed sigh. "But since they couldn't positively identify it thanks to the stat magic, they left it without an official designation."

"There's probably a lot of those in here," Zell agreed, then lowered his voice to add, "but your blue magic monster ought to be as well."

"Can I get a copy of this information, or…?"

"I'm working on it," Zell assured her. "I'll let you know. Just wanted to update you."

Quistis glanced once more at the screen, a funny feeling prickling along her spine at the thought of what was hidden inside that data, and clapped a hand to Zell's shoulder. "Thanks. I really appreciate it."

"Hey. Anything for a friend."

Zell got back to work, and Quistis walked back to her team. Seifer and Rika had set up a watch at the entrance the dig site. To Quistis's shock, the two of them were chatting — about Nida, of all things.

"Do you think that means he's interested?" Rika was asking. "Or is he just being nice?"

"Normally, I'd say guys don't do 'nice' that way. But Nida might be an exception…" Seifer shrugged. "I'd say if he seems into you, then he is. It's pretty simple. Guys don't have secret, hidden motives. What you see is what you get."

Quistis snorted. "Well, that's just patently false."

Seifer sneered at her. "How would you know?"

"Because I'm human. And, despite evidence to the contrary—" she gestured up and down Seifer "—so are most men. They might think they're simple, forthright creatures while women are complicated knots of emotion, but it's not true. Rika's not crazy to wonder about Nida's motives or how genuine his feelings might be."

"If Nida is acting like he's into her, then that's all the evidence she needs. Only a fucking crazy person would continue to wonder whether he might be faking it as some sort of complicated scheme."

Quistis scoffed. "Oh, yeah. Like he'd be the first guy who ever concocted a plan or faked a deeper interest just to get a girl into bed."

A muscle twitched in Seifer's jaw as he clenched it.

His irritation deeply pleased Quistis. Just knowing that he hadn't just shrugged off their fight that morning like it was nothing made her feel weirdly better. Or, at least, less alone in her suffering.

"Oh God." Rika had gone pale. "Do you think that's what he's doing? Faking an interest? I mean…you both know him better than I do."

Quistis immediately softened. She hadn't meant to cause any collateral damage. "Of course not. Nida's a good, honest guy. I don't think he'd toy with you. I was just trying to say…not all men are like that."

Seifer growled under his breath. "Fuck you, Trepe."

Never again, she thought defiantly. Not for you, anyway.

He must have seen the retort in her expression, because he swore again and, fists clenched, turned away from her. "Enough of the damned chit chat. Let's just focus on the job."

That suited Quistis just fine.

Rika still looked a little distressed but nodded her agreement, too.

The three of them spent the next hour standing at their post, trying to ignore one another. If Rika noticed the tension between Seifer and Quistis, she didn't mention it. But with as thick and horrible as it stretched between them, Quistis didn't see how their teammate could have missed it. Despite all her best efforts, Quistis couldn't stop her gaze from drifting inexorably back to him, and every once in a while she caught him looking at her, too.

It made for an exceeding fraught shift because her brain couldn't seem to decide between fantasizing about hurting him or doing…other things. It hadn't been long enough since she last had her hands buried in his hair as he kissed her, or had clutched tight to his shoulders as his firm body slid against hers that she could bring herself not to recall what it had felt like. The memories were too fresh.

Plus, there was no denying that part of their relationship had been good.

Really good.

The longer they stood together, the more she realized that a not insignificant part of her still wanted him just as badly as before.

Quistis closed her eyes and rubbed them, shocked and appalled at herself.

In the end, no monsters showed up on their shift and Zell discovered nothing new worth reporting. Several hours of angst and lust and agony were all Quistis got out of the mission.

When they returned to Garden, Seifer immediately strode off, not even sticking around to hear her tell the teams that they'd done a good job and to return for a shift at the same time tomorrow.

Set adrift, alone, Quistis went about the rest of her day.

She went to her classroom and got some grading done. Went to the library to check out a new book. And sat at dinner with Selphie, Irvine, and Xu — none of whom noted her silence or the way she kept scanning the room, looking for the man whose presence she couldn't seem to evict from her heart.

"Well, I'm stuffed," Irvine announced and turned to Selphie. "Want to come over to my place and watch a movie?"

"Sure!"

He offered her his arm with a flirty grin and the two of them got up to leave.

Quistis couldn't help but curl her lip in disgust.

Once they were gone, Xu set down her fork and gave Quistis a serious look. "So. You going to tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Bull shit, nothing. I can't decide if you look furious, absolutely crushed, or both."

Scowling down at her plate, Quistis jabbed a bit of lettuce with her fork. "It's both."

"Did you have another aura-related incident?"

"Not exactly." Quistis leaned against the table and sighed. Maybe it would help to get an outside perspective. "I slept with him. Aura-guy."

Xu maintained a carefully placid expression. "I'm guessing that didn't work out?"

"It did for a couple of days. In fact, it worked out a lot better than I thought it would. It was…" Quistis didn't have words for what it had been. Amazing didn't seem to cover it.

"And then…?" Xu prompted.

"Then I found a list he was keeping, of ways to 'seduce' me. He had this whole plan as to how to get me in bed. He pulled it from a romance novel, if you can believe it."

At that, Xu's composure failed her. Her mouth fell open. "A romance novel? Well…you've got to at least give him points for having the sense to consult something written by women for women."

"I guess…" Quistis grumbled.

Xu regarded her for a moment, then tentatively asked, "Is that the problem? This list?"

"Yes."

"That's all?" At the exasperated look Quistis gave her, she added, "Sorry. But you're going to have to explain to me why this is such a huge issue that you're sitting her murdering a salad over it."

"Because I was starting to really like him. Like…really like him. And it turns out that wasn't even him."

"Sure it was. He's the one who made the list, who picked all the things to put on it, and he's the one who did them all. Right? How is it any different than if he asked a friend for advice?"

Quistis gritted her teeth. "Xu, you're not helping."

"Yes I am."

"How do you figure?"

"Because if you really liked this guy and are throwing it away over nothing, then—"

"It's not nothing!" Quistis said sharply for the second time that day. "I have the right to know whether or not he's been honest with me."

"Well…has he? What did he say in his defense?"

"He said that he made it because he didn't want to disappoint me."

With that, Quistis knew she'd completely lost her friend, because Xu broke out in a huge grin. "Holy crap, Quis! That's a pretty good defense. What did you say back?"

"I don't remember. I think he kicked me out of his room then."

"Have you seen him since?"

"Yes."

"And?"

Quistis sighed. "He's got no interest in patching things up, if that's where you're going with this. He could barely even look at me."

"I highly doubt that if this guy went through that much effort to win you that he would just toss it all away over one argument."

"He didn't try to win me. Just sleep with me."

"Quis. No. He used a romance novel. He was definitely trying to win you. I mean, think about it. He went and got a book about falling in love, and he used that as his playbook. The mere fact that he bothered to do all that and take notes is an obvious and tangible sign of his investment in you. Maybe that's why you found it so unsettling."

Quistis sat back with her arms crossed, not liking the direction this conversation had taken. "What do you mean?"

"That if he's taking it that seriously and putting in that much effort, then it's more than just sex. And that's scary, because you are absolutely terrified of getting hurt."

"I'm not…no. That's not what's going on here. If you knew who I was talking about, you'd agree."

"Okay then. Tell me. Who is it we're talking about?"

Quistis blushed. "I'd rather not."

Xu sighed and tucked her hair behind her ears, a sure sign that she was preparing to deliver some tough news. "As your friend, I've got to say…I think maybe you're looking for reasons to push this guy away. Maybe he's not the sort of person you figured you'd end up with. He's…I don't know…older or something. Whatever it is, I think you should try to look past your preconceived notions of him for a moment and at least attempt to talk this out."

"He doesn't want to talk to me." Quistis stubbornly shook her head. "I've known this was coming for a while, Xu. That's why I was so hesitant to start something with him in the first place. I just…I guess I didn't realize it would hurt this badly when it did."

Xu pushed away from the table in frustration. "If that's the attitude you're taking, then I don't think I can help you."

"I don't need help. Just a little time to get over it."

"If you say so."

Xu didn't look any more convinced than Quistis felt.

After finishing dinner, she bid goodbye to her friend and went back to her room. In silence, she sat reading her book, waiting but not daring to hope that someone might knock on her door.

No one did.

She crawled into bed by herself and laid there in the darkness, wrapped in loneliness, longing, and regret.

Seifer couldn't sleep. After tossing and turning and swearing into his pillow for an hour and a half, he finally got up and wandered out into his dorm's common room. Raijin and Fujin had both gone to bed. Their doors were closed with no light shining out from underneath their doors. In the dark, he walked over to the couch and flopped down on it, feeling utterly alone.

Forking his hands through his hair, he quietly berated himself.

He couldn't believe how much he missed her. Not just having her in his bed — which he certainly missed a lot — but her company, too.

As he spread his knees and sank down lower on the couch, his foot brushed against something on the floor.

He bent down to pick it up.

It was Quistis's massive printout from the Deep Sea Research Center.

Ah, hell. She probably was going to need that back.

Slipping on his boots, he tucked the thick packet of paper underneath one arm and stepped out into the hallway. Though the lights were turned down at night, it was still unbearably bright after being in his darkened dorm. Shading his eyes, he started off toward Quistis's room.

He'd give her the paperwork and leave. No big deal.

As his boots clipped against the floor, echoing down the long, empty corridor, he stubbornly tried not to think of the other times he'd passed this way to Quistis's room. But his focus on not remembering those nights only made them pop more clearly into his mind.

This is different, he reminded himself. You're not going over to see her. You're just making a delivery.

When he arrived at her door, he paused.

She's done with you. She doesn't want to see you. She probably won't even answer…

The certainty that she wouldn't give him the time of day now made him bold.

He raised his hand and knocked.