Chapter 16: Surfacing

Seifer nearly lost his footing as Quistis went limp in his arms. They were almost to shore, ankle deep in water. A moment before, she'd been casting Degenerator over his shoulder. The blinding, flashing light from the spell still flickered ghost-like over his vision as he caught her up against his chest and dragged her the rest of the way up onto the rocks.

"Quistis?" He shifted her forward, careful so as not to drop her, and her head lolled back against his arm — her eyes closed, her lips slightly parted, and her skin deathly pale.

Had she been hit with a status spell?

He cast a quick esuna on her, but it did nothing.

Panic closed around his heart.

Was she hurt?

Hands trembling, he laid her down on the ground and summoned the strongest healing magic he had. He poured it into her, the blue-green energy so intense it made his palms buzz. Still, she didn't rouse. She didn't even move. She looked…

Seifer tore off his gloves and searched her throat for a pulse. His shaking made it difficult to locate and he had to force himself to take several long, steadying breaths before he could still himself long enough to detect a steady throb against his fingertips.

Thank God.

Squall rushed over, his boots crunching in the loose rock. "What happened? Is she all right?"

"I don't know," Seifer replied, his voice raspy. "She's alive. But she's out."

"Did you try to heal her?"

"Of course I fucking tried to heal her! What do you think I am? An idiot? It didn't do anything!"

Squall put both hands up. "Whoa! Okay. Just checking."

Frowning, Seifer swept back a bit of hair that the lake water had plastered to Quistis's cheek. She'd been held under for a long time. Could this be a near drowning thing? Was it possible to lose consciousness after being oxygen starved like that, even after being brought to the surface? Was there water in her lungs, slowly suffocating her on dry land?

She seemed to be breathing fine.

But what else could it be?

Biting back a curse, he curled his fingers into the mass of her wet hair, cupped the back of her head, and leaned over her. "Come on, Quistis. Wake up."

He shook her — gently at first, and then a little harder.

"Wake up for me," he begged. "Come on!"

Squall put a hand to his arm. "Maybe we should focus on getting her back to Garden."

"Why do you sound like you've already given up on her?" Seifer snapped. "She's going to wake up, damn it. Just give her a second! Why the hell is everyone in her life so fucking quick to abandon her?"

"I'm not abandoning her," Squall replied levelly. "And I haven't given up. We're going to get her back so that Dr. Kadowaki can help her."

The firm authority in his voice made all of Seifer's military training snap to the fore, which he supposed was precisely what the other man had intended. Even with as much as he didn't like being ordered about, Seifer appreciated it. He wasn't a steady person by nature. Add on the torment of having the person he cared most about in the world lying unresponsive in his arms, and he was liable to make the sort of stupid, impulsive decisions that would end up killing them all. Squall though — Squall was a rock. Cold and calculating and unflappable.

And right now, Seifer needed that. Because getting out of here in one piece would be no easy task.

"Okay," he said, his mouth dry. "You're right."

With quick, efficient tugs, he pulled his gloves back on, coiled Save the Queen around his waist, and shrugged back into his coat. Teeth gritted in determination, he scooped Quistis up off the ground. A nod to Squall to indicate that he was ready, and they started off.

Squall didn't make any small talk as they walked, which Seifer appreciated because the uneven ground made the going absolute hell, especially because he couldn't actually see where he was stepping. The entire way back around the lake, Quistis never stirred in his grip. Seifer tightened his hold on her as he climbed up an embankment to the stone pathway that would take them back to the surface.

"How do you want to do this?" Squall asked as he peered upward at the long, winding road that lay before them. "Want to trade off with Quistis, or…?"

"I've got her for now," Seifer replied. His arms were already getting tired, but he didn't want to let go of her yet — not even to hand her over to Squall, who he had no doubt would protect her with his life.

"All right, then. I'll take the lead. Let me know if you want to switch." As they started climbing, Squall added, "The toughest monsters tend to hang out here close to the bottom, so we should at least be over the worst of it soon."

Seifer grunted. "Well, that's certainly a small comfort."

They almost immediately ran into a ruby dragon.

Seifer cast every protective spell he had around Quistis and tried not to let her get hit as Squall went on the offensive. Evasion wasn't something Seifer had ever practiced. One didn't need to be good a dodging attacks when perpetually, violently on the offensive. But he quickly discovered he could apparently be one slippery fucking bastard if the motivation was right.

Lobbing defensive spells at Squall and anything else he could manage at the dragon to soften it up, he found himself playing the totally foreign role of second line support. For someone who had spent his entire life dreaming about being front and center — a knight — it struck him as a supremely strange position to end up in. But he did his part, and he did it well.

When the dragon was dead, Squall forked hair back out of his eyes and sent him an approving nod. "Nice job."

"Yeah. You, too"

They exchanged pinched smiles, hesitated for an awkward moment, and started off again.

Only have to do that about thirty more times…

A grueling rhythm kept them moving, taking each battle as it came and trudging ever upward, one step after another. Seifer lost all track of time, but it felt like an eternity. As they came to a large platform, Squall paused.

"Let's pause here for a minute and take a break. We're not going to get a more defensible place to do it. Right here we've at least got a clear line of sight to see what's coming in either direction."

Seifer wanted to object, but his arms felt like they might fall off. And, in any case, Squall looked like he desperately needed the break too. His coat, normally so pristine, was splattered with blood — both his and the monsters' they'd been fighting. Lion Heart had gone from a shiny, sky blue to murky, mottled gray. The battles, mostly handled on his own, had left him winded and drenched in sweat. Plus, frequent castings of aura had made him jittery. He trembled like one of those small dogs rich girls always dressed in sweaters as he sat down.

Seifer bent, lying Quistis's prone form on the ground between them, then flopped down, too.

His arms cried out in relief but stopping moving only made the rest of him more tense. He shifted uneasily. At least when they were moving, they were making progress and heading toward help. Plus, hiking and fighting gave him something else to think about aside from the various reasons why Quistis might still be unconscious and whether she would ever wake up again.

Hyne. He pinched his eyes shut. What if she didn't? What if she was in a coma for the rest of her life because he'd failed to save her?

Goddamn it. He'd promised to keep her safe down here.

Squall cleared his throat. "You want me to take her for a while after this?"

"Why? You too tired to fight?"

"No. But you look like you need kill something."

"Or someone," Seifer replied. "I still can't believe Cid sent her down here to do this. I swear to God, if she doesn't wake up, I'm going to throttle that bastard."

Squall grunted in a way that didn't sound totally opposed to the idea.

"You didn't want her to do it either, right?" Seifer asked. He remembered her telling him something about how Squall hadn't been entirely pleased with the mission.

"I thought it was a lot of risk for only a small, hypothetical reward."

"Agreed."

Squall paused, then asked, "Why are you here, then? Why did you agree to be on the team?"

"Lots of reasons. Like...because it would look good to the higher ups and I need to get these kinds of missions if I want to stay on as an instructor. Plus, Quistis wanted to go. She was all excited to learn more about her blue magic, and she was going to be here with or without me, so…" He shrugged. "Wasn't going to let someone else take the job. Hyne knows what kind of hash Chicken Wuss would've made of all this."

"You saved her life, you know…going into the water after her like that."

"Little good it did her," Seifer replied darkly.

Squall looked down at her, his mouth turning into an even deeper frown than usual. "Something similar happened to Rinoa. During the war, right after she became a sorceress. She just…collapsed and wouldn't wake back up. I carried her all the way to Esthar looking for answers."

Seifer shuddered, a new worry entering his mind. "You don't think that thing passed some kind of power on to Quistis. Do you?"

"I hope not."

"Fucking Hyne…me, too."

That was the last thing Quistis needed — though she probably wouldn't see it that way. Much as Seifer had once fancied himself the romantic protector of a powerful sorceress…he preferred Quistis not end up subjected to such willful and corrupting magic.

Squall swept back a sweaty bit of hair that had fallen into his eyes. "I think I'm good to get moving again if you are."

Seifer shook out his sore arms. "Ready as I'll ever be."

He gathered Quistis back up and once again they started off.

By the time they started encountering tri-faces, Squall was nearly spent and Seifer had to settle for letting him play defense and protect Quistis while he took over fighting the battles. He kept worrying that, in his exhaustion, Squall would get taken out by something coming up behind them.

By the time they arrived stumbling, bruised, and beaten at the bulk head elevator, Seifer's nerves were throughly shot.

Squall swore with relief as they climbed onto the metal platform that would take them back to the main Research Center up above.

"Can't believe we made it," he said, gripping his knees.

Seifer's whole body trembled with a combination of overwork and magic toxicity. He dug his fingers into Quistis, afraid he might drop her.

"Hey," he said to Squall as steam erupted out of the old pipes and the lift began to move, thrusting up underneath them. "Thanks."

Squall blinked, then nodded and offered him the smallest of reassuring smiles.

The profound strangeness of the moment was, thankfully, quite brief as their elevator arrived on the bottom floor of the Research Center a second later and the SeeDs working there gasped at their arrival.

A flood of people suddenly surrounded them, questions coming from every direction.

Seifer's head spun. He couldn't process what anyone was saying to him amongst all the noise and chaos. When someone tried to take Quistis from him — a medic? — he refused to relinquish her. Word reached Garden quickly though and before long the noisy, meddling crowd parted and Dr. Kadowaki appeared.

"Seifer." Her familiar, steady voice cut through the haze. "I'll take her from here."

Seifer laid Quistis on a gurney and then, his job done, allowed his knees to give way. He hit the floor hard. As Quistis was wheeled away, he closed his eyes and let darkness roll over him. From somewhere in the distance, he heard Kadowaki shout. Firm, strong hands responded to her call by scooping underneath Seifer's arms and plucking him up off the floor.

"Hey, boss. It's okay. I've got you, ya know?"

"SAFE."

Bleary eyed, he looked at his friends. It was hardly the first time they'd hauled him away from a battle, but none that he'd fought this hard before. Ultimecia had demanded all he had to give, and he'd thought he'd given it. But he realized now that he had more. Much more. There were depths to himself he hadn't even begun to plumb — levels of devotion the sorceress had not been able touch but which were laid wide open for Quistis.

Because he loved her.

Now if only she would come back to him.

"C'mon," Raijin said, looping an arm around Seifer's ribs. "Let's get you home."

Something tugged at Quistis's awareness.

She shied away from it, not liking the timber of its call. It sounded demanding and harsh. Urgent. And she had been floating in such sweet nothingness. She had the sense that if she listened she would have to confront some kind of terrible monster, but all she wanted to do was curl up in the warm, safe embrace of the darkness all around her and let it hold her forever.

Voices echoed in her mind, calling her.

She tried to turn away and burrow deeper but she couldn't escape now.

She whimpered.

"Quistis?"

Ah, god. Her head throbbed.

"Quistis?" repeated the voice, more insistent this time. "Can you open your eyes?"

The veil around her parted and a single, burning shaft of light entered her mind. For a dizzying moment, the world tilted around her. She blinked hard, her eyes watering. A click, and the light turned off, leaving spots of color dancing across her vision.

"Good. Nice responsive pupils. Quistis — are you with us? Can you talk?"

Quistis squeezed her eyes shut, aware now who was talking to her and where she must be. "My head hurts," she croaked.

"A headache? I can help with that." Dr. Kadowaki rattled off orders to one of the other moving bodies in the room. A moment later, she patted Quistis's arm. "This is going right into your IV. It shouldn't take long for you to feel it."

Breathing slowly through her nose, Quistis kept her eyes closed as the medicine went to work. True to Dr. Kadowaki's word, it didn't take long before the pain began to ebb, a gentle fuzziness filling her head with sweet relief. She let out a sigh and relaxed.

Kadowaki put a motherly hand to her forehead.

"Better?"

"Yes."

All around her, the other medics continued to work. Quistis was jiggled this way and that as one of them took her vitals — a blood pressure cuff squeezing on her arm, a heart rate monitor clipped onto her finger — and another worked around her head, sticking things here and there in amongst her hair.

"You were out for a while," Dr. Kadowaki explained. "We're going to take an EEG. I'm less concerned now that you're awake, but just lie still. Okay?" Machines beeped and Quistis drifted vaguely in and out for a moment, content that she would be well taken care of.

As the vice grip of her headache continued to loosen, the events of the day began to come back to her.

Her eyes flashed open. "Are Seifer and Squall…?"

"They're fine," Dr. Kadowaki assured her. "Tired and bruised, but nothing that a little rest won't fix. I sent them both off a few minutes ago with instructions to eat and shower and go to bed."

"Oh. Good."

"You, however, have had a lot of people very worried," Kadowaki continued, a gentle chiding tone to her voice. "Those boys worked extraordinarily hard to get you back here. Never thought I'd see the day they stopped fighting with each other long enough to discover what a powerful force they could be if they actually worked together."

Quistis tried to smile but the gravity of what had happened held her back. "Have I been out since the lake?"

Kadowaki nodded.

"Damn it." Quistis raised a hand to rub her eyes and had to stop when it tugged on her IV. Sweet Hyne, she'd really blown it. And not only thoroughly botched her mission but put her teammates in incredible danger, too. It was a miracle that they'd managed to get her safely out. Anyone less than the combined forces of Squall and Seifer would not have been able to manage it.

"There's time for second guessing yourself later," Kadowaki advised her. "All you need to focus on for the moment is getting back on your feet. Now, relax while we run this test."

The heaviness creeping into Quistis's limbs along with whatever medication Dr. Kadowaki had given her for the headache made relaxing not only easy but practically mandatory. Quistis laid perfectly still as a machine next to her recorded her brain waves in a series of jagged lines. She wondered if they could see on it the desperate churning of her thoughts.

Apparently not, because after a while Dr. Kadowaki pronounced the results normal and had one of the medics remove the electrodes from her head.

"Well, I can't find anything wrong with you," she announced. "I think this was just a transient episode. Squall mentioned you were casting when it happened?"

"Yes — Degenerator."

"Was there anything different about how you did it than usual?"

Aside from the fact that it shouldn't have worked? Or that she'd had to put everything she had into forcing it to?

"There were two other blue magic spells I was learning at the time," she answered after a moment.

Kadowaki's eyebrows lifted. "Have you worked them out yet?"

"I don't know." Quistis searched her mind and could feel them there but fuzzy yet. She didn't know if that was because she hadn't been able to figure them out completely or if her mind was just still scrambled from being knocked out and then medicated.

Dr. Kadowaki leaned back and crossed her arms. "I suppose it's possible you simply overloaded yourself. I'm going to keep you here for the night just in case though so that I can keep an eye on you."

Quistis nodded and looked up at the window overhead while Kadowaki tucked a warm blanket over her. She had no idea what time it was, but darkness had fallen. The curtains wafted gently in the soft breeze coming off the ocean. At some point while she'd been out someone had changed her out of her battle uniform, which she spotted wrapped up in a clear plastic bag on the floor. Shifting under the blankets, she realized she was wearing socks and a hospital gown.

Kadowaki leaned over her to fluff her pillow. "Are you hungry? The cafeteria is closed, but I can get something brought over anyway."

"No. I'm fine."

"If you say so. But in the morning I want to see you eat," she said sternly.

For a few minutes more, Dr. Kadowaki picked up and put away the various bits of equipment in the room, then dismissed the two medics working with her for the night before turning back to Quistis again.

"Let's try and get you to the bathroom once before I leave."

Quistis didn't think she would need the help but ended up leaning heavily on Dr. Kadowaki, her legs leaden and clumsy underneath her. In the bathroom, she peed for what seemed like forever — damned IV fluids — and then the doctor helped her back to bed again.

"Please tell me that's a side effect of the medication you gave me," Quistis said once she was safely back under the covers.

"The wobbly legs? Afraid so. Just stay put and it won't be a problem." She flashed Quistis a smile. "It should wear off by morning and we'll see then if you still need it. In the meantime, try to get some sleep. I'm going to check on you regularly throughout the night, but if you need me for any reason, you can press the call button."

She showed Quistis the little toggle switch on the side of her bed, then turned off all the lights except a dim one out near her desk where she busied herself with whatever work she had left to do for the evening before ultimately retiring to the little apartment she kept at the back of the infirmary.

Left alone, Quistis bit her lip for a long moment before she couldn't suppress her feelings any longer. Tears sprang to her eyes to run hotly down her cheeks, full of disappointment and regret.

How had it all gone so wrong? What should she have done differently?

Literally everything she'd been asked to do, she'd failed at.

Rolling over into her pillow, she let herself cry. She didn't know how long she laid there like that, wallowing in self-pity and grief over her own shortcomings, when the infirmary door slid open and someone walked in.

Steps advanced straight over to the doorway to her room and paused.

She lifted her head to see who it was and the shadowy figure there gasped.

"Quistis?"

"Seifer!"

He rushed into her room and fell to his knees beside the bed, grabbing her hand. "You're awake! Oh, God. Holy fuck." He pressed her hand to his face, pressing his nose and lips against it. "I came to see, but I didn't dare hope… Hyne. You scared the shit out of me." His words choked off on a raw gasp of relief that shook her to her core.

She reached for him with her other hand, cupping his face.

"I'm sorry," she said, her words watery. "I'm so sorry."

His head jerked up. "Are you crying?"

"No. I'm—"

He got to his feet and swiped a thumb across her wet cheek. "You are! Shit. Are you in pain? Do I need to get the doctor…?"

"I'm okay. Just rattled and tired." She swiped at her own eyes, frustrated with herself. "Not to mention drugged," she added, hoping to lean on that for an excuse as she dissolved once more into pathetic, uncontrollable tears.

Seifer leaned half onto the bed, both hands warmly framing her face. "Hey…" This thumbs rubbed soothing circles. "Talk to me. What's the matter?"

Quistis reached for him with both arms, wanting to be held.

He hesitated only long enough to pull back the covers and duck under her IV before climbing in beside her. The mattress dipped underneath his weight as he gathered her up and pulled her tightly against his chest. Quistis clung to him, his heartbeat thudding in her ear.

"I almost got you and Squall killed," she whispered miserably against him.

"That wasn't your fault."

"I was leading the mission. Making sure everyone got back safely was my responsibility."

"We're back," he pointed out, resting his chin against the top of her head. "And we're safe."

"Barely."

He shook his head. "It's over and done with. Stop being so hard on yourself."

"Why? I deserve it. I screwed up. We were supposed to retreat if the monster proved too difficult, but I kept going because I thought I understood it. I thought I could connect with it."

"We all have to make calls like that. Sometimes they're right, sometimes they're wrong. That's just the nature of the job. Don't rake yourself over the coals like this over a monster."

"It wasn't just a monster. It was a guardian force."

"You don't know that."

"It spoke!" she insisted. "Monsters don't do that. Monsters aren't that powerful. Who knows what it could have done for Garden if we approached it right. But now it's gone — forever — because of me."

Seifer let out a long breath. "I know what it's like to make a bad call. Hyne knows I've made enough of 'em. Even killed a guardian force of my own during one of them. But Quistis…you have nothing to be sorry for. You were given a terrible mission, and you did the best with it that you could. You made the choice to try to reach out to that thing because you so damn big hearted that you even see the good in terrible monsters. That's not a flaw. It's nothing to apologize for."

She lifted her head to look up at him. "But I failed."

"You survived. God damn, Quistis. You're worth so much more than what you can give to this place. You know that, right? You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to constantly be trying to earn your place here. You're more enough just as you are."

She shook her head, not able to believe it. "I don't think most people would agree with you on that count…"

"Then fuck them. You've spent your whole life being what other people want you to be. The things you've managed to do and accomplish are amazing. Beyond amazing. But you don't owe anyone shit, least of all Cid. Garden's been profiting off your hard work for years. You're worth a hell of a lot more than this damn mission and this stupid school."

"To who?" she asked sullenly.

"To me." His fingers dug fiercely into her back as he held her.

"Oh, Seifer…" Quistis pressed her face up against his neck. The scent of his skin fired half a dozen different emotions in her, all of them powerful and overwhelming. She clung to him desperately, never wanting to let him go.

All her life, she'd gauged her worth based on external marks of value — her class standing, her SeeD rank, her title. Without family or any other ties to speak of, it was all she had.

No one had ever loved her just for what she was.

Except maybe now…

Did Seifer love her? He'd never said so, but she'd never said as much to him either. Her heart ached with all that she'd left unspoken.

"I did it for you," she blurted out.

"Did what?"

"Killed the blue magic monster. When you were helping me out of the lake, it started to cast one of its spells at you. Getting hit from behind like that…I didn't think you'd survive. So I acted on instinct. Though I probably should have picked a different spell — Degenerator doesn't work on guardian forces and I was pretty sure by that point that the thing was a GF. I was so worried it wouldn't work and you'd end up hurt that I put everything I had behind it. I've never cast so hard in my entire life."

He leaned back to look at her, his green eyes searching hers. "Is that why you collapsed?"

"Dr. Kadowaki thinks I overloaded my brain."

"Are you sure that's all that happened? Do you feel any different now?"

She didn't understand what he was trying to ask. "Aside from waking up with a headache, you mean?"

He shifted uneasily. "Squall told me something similar happened to Rinoa when she became a sorceress. We were worried that maybe that thing transferred some sort of power to you."

The idea startled her, as did the clear anxiety writ across his face. All this time, he'd been worrying not only that she might not wake up, but that if she did she might no longer be herself? She slipped one hand into his hair and pressed their foreheads together. "Pretty sure I don't have any new powers. I'm afraid you're still stuck with plain old Quistis Trepe."

"Good. I happen to like plain old Quistis Trepe," he said, then tilted her face to his and kissed her.

The soft press of his lips wasn't anything like the way he'd been kissing her lately. This was no hungry prelude to sex or a biting, passionate attempt to dominate. Instead, he was gentle and breathless, his lips moving delicately over hers with more ease and care than she had even believed him capable of.

Would he ever stop surprising her?

When he finally pulled back, she smiled up at him and he wiped the last of the tears from her cheeks.

"All right?" he asked her.

"I will be." She drew in a shaky breath. "How about you and Squall? Are you both really okay?"

He shrugged. "A little bruised. Mostly just tired. Kadowaki gave me a once over and told me the only thing I needed was to eat, sleep, and shower. We were a mess by the time we got back. I dunno if Squall's jacket can be salvaged."

"You'd be surprised how well it cleans up."

"Speaking of…" He leaned back a little to take a long look at her, his mouth quirking up at the sides. "What happened to your hair?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's a little out of sorts."

Frowning, Quistis reached up and patted her head, only to discover her hair sticking up every which way in stiff bunches where the medic had stuck the electrodes to her scalp. The utter rat's nest that it had turned into made her gasp in horror.

"Oh God. Why didn't you say something earlier?"

"Because I enjoy the messy look on you," he said with a low chuckle. "Perfect Quistis is pretty. But feral, wild-haired Quistis is hot."

She rolled her eyes at him. "I forgot that this all started when we were both covered in mud."

"Mmm." His fingers found the gap in the back of her hospital gown and stroked the bare skin he found there. "Definitely one of my favorite looks on you."

"You're ridiculous," she replied with a laugh, the urge to cry gone.

"You like me that way."

"I more than just like you," she whispered. "A lot more."

"That's because you're on drugs right now," he whispered back.

"I fell hard for you way before the drugs."

He shifted his weight a little but said nothing.

"That's why I got so upset about the list," she continued. "Because I knew how serious my feelings were getting. And it scared the hell out of me. Lots of people don't actually want me. They just want the idea of me. If you were one of them…I wasn't sure I could risk my heart like that."

"I didn't actually make the list to get you into my bed, you know," he said after a moment. "I made it to try and keep you out of my bed. Things were moving so fast, and I thought once it happened and you satisfied your curiosity, you'd stop wanting me around. I needed ideas about how to…erm…draw it out. To keep you longer."

Hyne, she'd been a fool.

"I'm sorry." She drew him into a tight embrace again, her leg hooking around his. "I'm so sorry I pushed you away. I won't do it again. Will you stay here with me tonight? I don't want you to go."

He snuggled up against her. "I wasn't planning on leaving."

Comfort washed over Quistis. Everything seemed better with him here — her failure no longer so scary — and knowing that he would be beside here, she finally allowed herself to relax. Arms flung around him, she closed her eyes tight and let the comforting strokes of his fingers on her back continue to work their soothing magic.

After such a long, exhausting day, he didn't lay there with her long before his breathing began to even out and he drifted off and Quistis allowed herself to fall asleep as well.

For a while, she lay in deep, dreamless comfort until movement in the room roused her.

Dr. Kadowaki shushed her and smiled when she opened her eyes.

"Just checking on you," she whispered, lifting Quistis's hand off Seifer's side long enough to clip a heart monitor on. "I won't be long and then you can go back to sleep."

She didn't mention or even seem fazed Seifer's conspicuous presence in bed beside Quistis — just casually worked around him with care not to disturb his sleep as she took Quistis's temperature and her blood pressure, then removed her IV.

"I don't think we need this anymore," she whispered as she taped a wad of cotton over the spot where the needle had gone in. All done, she patted Quistis on the shoulder before leaving again.

Quistis stared at Seifer, stunned that he'd slept through the check up. He wasn't a particularly heavy sleeper, which meant that the trip up out of the Deep Sea Research Center must have been even more taxing than he'd admitted because he was dead to the world beside her. Her heart constricted, leaving her chest tight with ferocious affection.

She kissed him on the forehead, hugged him tight, and settled back in to sleep again.

Xu's voice jarred Seifer out of a deep sleep. "Good morning, Dr. Kadowaki. How's Quistis? Can I see her?"

Still groggy, Seifer twitched with alarm, but Quistis's firm grasp restrained him in bed. She shushed him and gave a soothing nuzzle of her face against his chest that made him relax again. The curtains were pulled shut over the window above the bed, creating a comfortable dimness. Through the door, however, he could see the infirmary lobby lit with bright morning light and Dr. Kadowaki sitting her her desk, sipping a cup of tea.

She stood up and quickly maneuvered around her desk to intercept Xu.

"I'm afraid you'll have to come back later. Quistis is still sleeping."

"Sleeping? Do you mean she hadn't woken up yet at all?" Xu asked, concerned.

"No. She came around late last night. She's just resting now."

"Oh! Thank God." Xu heaved a sigh of relief. "Is she going to be all right?"

"We'll have to wait and see how she's doing once she's up and about today, but yes. I think she's going to be fine."

Tension he hadn't even been aware of holding lifted off his body at that. Beside him, Quistis responded by nudging his jaw with her nose. He leaned back enough to look at er — adorable mess that she was, with her hair an absolute disaster — and smiled. Hyne, he was glad she was okay. The fact that he had her in his arms, warm and alive and conscious, left him downright euphoric.

"This may sound weird," Xu said. "But have you told Seifer?"

Kadowaki paused for a second before answering. "He knows."

"Good. I just thought that…you know, since he was down there with her and all." Xu cleared her throat. "I suppose you've told Squall, too?"

"I haven't had the chance to talk to Squall yet. He's still resting, as well. The trip up out of the Deep Sea Research Center was quite grueling."

"I can imagine. I wish Cid wouldn't have sent them down there."

"At least they're all back safe and sound."

Xu sighed. "I guess. Well…I'll stop back by again a little later. Hopefully she'll be up."

"I'm sure she won't be asleep for much longer," Dr. Kadowaki replied.

Seifer laid perfectly still as Xu excused herself and left. If he and Quistis pretended to go back to sleep, would Dr. Kadowaki leave them undisturbed? He wasn't quite ready to move yet, even though the bed was far too small for two people. He hadn't been able to wake up next to Quistis in days — had thought for a while he might never do so again — and he wanted to enjoy it. Plus, she seemed equally content to languish in there for a while, soaking up his company.

For a tantalizing moment, Dr. Kadowaki stood in silence in the other room, as if considering her options.

But she must have decided that she didn't want to run interference for them the rest of the morning because a second later she sighed and walked into Quistis's room, her hands on her hips.

"Sorry to break this up," she said, looking down at them, "but I do have other things I need to get done today."

Quistis rolled over onto her back and groaned. "Really?"

"Yes. Really. Now come on. Up and at it." She bustled over to the cupboard and got out some medical equipment while Seifer and Quistis disentangled themselves. When Seifer swung his feet out of bed and stood up, she motioned for him to stay. "I've got to give you a follow up check today. Since you're already here, we might as well get it done now. Sit. I'll be with you in a moment."

The woman gave zero indication that she'd been at all shocked to find him there. Amused, he sat down in the chair she indicated and watched as she took Quistis's vitals and had her sit up to test the sturdiness of her legs. Upright, she looked even more a mess than she had lying down. Her hospital gown gaped in the back, revealing the length of her spine and the top of her underwear.

"How's your head?" Kadowaki asked as she watched Quistis slide off the edge of the bed to stand.

"Fine."

"No pain?"

"Not anymore."

"Excellent. Try walking across the room once. If you're steady, then you can take a shower."

That must have been powerful motivation because Quistis strode quickly from her bed to the wall and back again, holding her hospital gown closed all the way. She flashed the doctor a grin. "Am I good?"

"You're good. Go ahead." She waved Quistis toward the infirmary's bathroom, where a single shower stall awaited.

Quistis vanished into the room, closing the door but not latching it behind her. Seifer heard the water turn on as Dr. Kadowaki turned her attention to him.

"I presume you're feeling better after a good night's rest?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Yes."

Kadowaki came around the bed to perch on the side of it right next to where he was sitting. "If you were so worried about her, you could have told me," she said quietly. "I would have called you right when she woke up, and then you wouldn't have had to sneak into the infirmary in the middle of the night."

Seifer shrugged. "I would've come whether she was awake or not." He'd simply needed to be with her.

"So I'm beginning to gather." Kadowaki cleared her throat. "So then…let's check your records and make absolutely certain you're up to date. Shall we?"

Seifer didn't quite know what she meant until she walked over to a large cabinet and pulled out his file. Flipping through it, she found his last physical.

"Looks like you're still four months out from needing another injection and had a clean check up six months ago. Have you had any other partners since then aside from Quistis?"

Seifer's face warmed in embarrassment, as it always did when she asked these sort of questions. Garden required a strict birth control regimen for both the male and female population and also conducted regular testing for sexually transmitted diseases, so intensely personal surveys regarding sexual history always seemed to be part of the yearly physical. Still, the familiarity of having Dr. Kadowaki ask him such things didn't ease how awkward it always felt to answer.

"No," he replied. "I haven't been with anyone but Quistis."

She closed his file. "You're free to go then. Unless you want to wait until she's done in the shower."

"I'll wait."

Kadowaki nodded, then put away his file.

"You don't seem very surprised by this," Seifer couldn't help but say.

She didn't even glance at him. "Did you expect me to disapprove?"

"Yes," he admitted. "I'm not exactly the sort of person she should be screwing around with."

Propping her arm against the file cabinet, she turned to face him. "Somehow I don't think what you two are doing is 'screwing around.' I've known you since you were five and her almost as long. And I've never seen either one of you committed to another person until now."

"She's not committed to me," he replied.

"The hold she had on you all night long says otherwise. And to be perfectly honest with you, I was glad to see it. The both of you could use a little love in your lives. If you can find it with each other, all the better."

Did Quistis love him? Even a little? He wasn't sure. She'd certainly said some things overnight that implied her feelings were deeper than she'd previously let on, but she'd also just had her brain thoroughly scrambled by magic and been heavily medicated as well. He couldn't trust what she'd said no matter how much he wanted to.

While he thought it over, Kadowaki walked over to a cabinet and pulled out a fresh change of clothes for Quistis to put on when she got out of the shower.

"If you want to make yourself useful, you could go to the cafeteria and bring back some breakfast. Quistis hasn't eaten since yesterday morning," she said.

Neither had he. Kadowaki had told him to get dinner when she'd sent him away with Raijin and Fujin, and they had both plied him with food, but he hadn't been able to swallow a single bite past the lump of worry that had lodged in his throat. Now that he could function again, his stomach gave a hearty growl.

It occurred to him as he left for the cafeteria that he was perpetually bringing this woman food. And he liked it.

When he got back with two stuffed go boxes and a large cup of coffee, she was out of the shower and dressed — wearing a blue Balamb Garden sweatshirt and a matching pair of shorts. Her wet hair hung over her shoulders as she combed it. Her face brightened with a smile when he walked in, though her attention quickly shifted to the coffee which she grabbed out of his hand with a groan that made him shiver.

She took a sip. "You even fixed it exactly how I like it."

His chest puffed in pride at pleasing her.

They sat together at Kadowaki's desk and ate until finally the doctor shooed Seifer out the door so that she could get her work done. He dared to drop a kiss on the top of Quistis's head before he left and walked out feeling full in both body and soul. It had been nice for a little while not to hide how he felt about her — to act like a couple in love.

Walking down the hallway, half lost in his thoughts, he nearly ran into Xu.

Her eyes went wide at finding him there.

"Did you just come from the infirmary?" she asked.

"Uh…yeah. Dr. Kadowaki wanted me to come in for a follow-up today."

"Oh. Right." Something in her tone suggested that she hadn't entirely bought the lie but she barreled on anyway. "Did you notice if Quistis is awake yet? I tried to come by earlier and she was sleeping…"

"She was eating breakfast when I left."

"Okay. Thanks." Xu pressed her lips together and stepped around him. "I'll just go ahead then."

She rushed off, leaving Seifer wondering about the awkwardness of the interaction. Normally, a run-in with Xu would have involved at least a couple seconds worth of insults and posturing. They'd never had a polite conversation before. And Xu had certainly never thanked him for anything.

Maybe the fact that he'd saved her best friend's life had shifted her opinion of him?

Much as he told himself that he didn't care about how anyone in Garden felt about him, it struck him as surprisingly satisfying to think that someone who loathed him as much as Xu might be willing to lend him some measure of forgiveness. Almost like he'd been living his life underground, convinced that he didn't mind, and now a glimmer of daylight had reminded him how lovely the surface could be.

The hole he'd dug for himself was probably too deep to drag himself out of.

But for the first time in a long time, it seemed to him that it might be worth trying.