All I have is one last chance
I won't turn my back on you
Take my hand, drag me down
If you fall then I will too
And I can't save what's left of you

"Without You" by Breaking Benjamin

That night, Quistis sat on the top walkway on the outer rim of FH, where it was only accessible by ladder to SeeDs and soldiers, and stared out over the sea and sighed. So much had happened on her journey. Even though she tried not to think about it too much, she found herself questioning Seifer's intentions over and over again, especially after she opened herself up to him each and every day. She wanted to prove to him that she was telling the truth. She wanted to let him know that nothing else mattered, that he mattered, and that she wasn't going to move forward without him in her life. She wasn't going to face certain death without knowing, for certain, how he felt about her.

The cold shower in Winhill should have put those thoughts to rest, once and for all.

It did, at least temporarily.

She knew Seifer's temperament, and he wasn't the sort to outwardly display affection. She wasn't expecting that from him. But after Winhill, it had seemed that he was almost avoiding her. He hung back with Raijin and Fujin's unit every day. He never bothered to find her tent. She went to him.

Again, she had completely expected this. She didn't think less of him. She knew it would take time for him. It had been eight years, after all. Regardlesss…the creeping doubt wouldn't go away.

She still hadn't told him that she loved him. Not directly, at least. There was still a part of her holding back. There was an almost childish fear of releasing the notorious L-word out into the open. Given the circumstances, the notion seemed almost ridiculous. Not only was this the most inopportune time and place to make a proclamation of love, but it also mildly suggested some sort of commitment or bond, something she knew better than to expect from Seifer Almasy, of all people. But ultimately, deep down, she was afraid she'd be crushed if he didn't return her love. He hadn't exactly spurned her, but there were still moments when he'd push her away, even after she'd tried to constantly reaffirm her affection and respect for him.

The whole thing was absurd. Quistis hated being such a coward. She survived almost impossible circumstances and several near-death experiences. If he didn't love her back, so what? Who had time to be in love in the middle of a war? At least she knew she'd given her all and that she was completely and totally honest and open with him about her feelings. How was it, then, that she couldn't muster three simple little words to him?

Despite Winhill and the nights that followed, she still didn't truly know his feelings about her – until Timber.

After literally slapping some sense into him, it was almost as if he yielded to her. He held her that night and apologized as she cried into his shirt until the entire front was wet with her tears. And then she cried some more and beat her fists into his chest and dug her nails into him and he only held her tighter, as she released all of her collective pains and worries and fears and mourning into him, until she couldn't cry any more. So much had happened since the fall of Balamb and she'd spent so much time looking for him as well as look after the other cadets, that she didn't have time to cry. She didn't have time to mourn. She didn't allow herself to process everything that had gone on around her and instead acted on almost robotic-like SeeD instinct in order to save the lives of others. That night in Timber, Seifer had kicked the last brick out of her already crumbling resolve and she fell apart. The subsequent release of all that sorrow and tension didn't scare him off, however. He stayed and he held her tight, and when she could barely hold herself upright from the physical and emotional drain, he carried her to her quarters and laid down with her, never once letting her go from his grasp.

And then the next day, when Rinoa and her monsters decided to show up earlier than expected…

His words rung clear in her head. 'I didn't come all this way to watch you die.'

It was far from an admission that he loved her, but as the words roared out of him in the heat of the moment, they were nothing but absolute truth. He was both panicked and authoritative, but he was giving her an order, he wanted her to live, and he wasn't going to let her go.

She knew she was seeing the true side of him; his raw and real side, because he was always at his most comfortable when there was physical conflict and battle. She was, too. They were born for this. They were born to be soldiers. He was barking out orders and instructing her cadets as if he were a SeeD all along, then they were smiling at each other and beginning to banter, just like old times, in the middle of death and destruction.

Once in the pod, and when everyone was catching their breath, Quistis felt the adrenaline and exhilaration pounding through her veins. Seifer was staring at her, undressing her with his eyes, and she returned the mood wordlessly. Had there not been anyone else in the pod with them, the sex would have been swift and hard and relentless. The irritated banter between Fujin and Raijin had snapped them back to reality, and they moved away from each other, but Seifer rarely took his eyes off Quistis. Luckily, their journey was a short one.

The pod was stopped several miles west of Fisherman's Horizon. It slowed upon their approach, and they glanced out the window to see rows and rows of barbed wire upon cross-spiked fence posts, then more and more soldiers from what seemed like every nation on guard outside the tracks. There were the strange, multicolor uniforms of Esthar, the drab dark green of Timber, blue and red with silver helmets from Galbadia, and finally, black from Garden. They all stepped out of the pod at a checkpoint and were searched, then Quistis quickly explained who they were and what had just happened, and they were let through with no further questions.

The pod continued east for another minute or two when Seifer felt that something was amiss.

"Where is it? I don't see FH on the horizon anywhere."

"Esthar made a few upgrades," Quistis explained simply.

Almost as if on cue, an invisible forcefield shimmered and they passed right through it. Fisherman's Horizon appeared out of nowhere on the other side of the wall as they shot through, and the pod slowed to a stop at the station. They all stepped out, unloaded, and Seifer couldn't help but pause to take in the scene around him, which was completely unfamiliar.

Fisherman's Horizon had been transformed into a military base. The perimeter was outfitted with a colossal wall, well-guarded with armed towers and soldiers making their rounds.

After they stopped at the checkpoints, identified themselves, and were searched, they proceeded to FH and Quistis made a beeline to her temporary residence that had been set up there, with Seifer close behind. She quickly checked with a few cadets and ordered a headcount and status report for later that evening, even though she already knew who was gone, but assigned Fujin and Raijin to make sure they were taken care of and that everyone get settled for some R&R. She made her way to her quarters; a shack-like building on the perimeter of the FH rim, trying her best to answer questions as quickly as she could to some cohorts and avoided others, both from Esthar and Galbadia, so she and Seifer could just be somewhere in private.

Once there, clothing was torn off haphazardly, things were knocked over, a few fresh bruises and bite marks were probably earned, and she probably cried out in pleasure a little too loudly.

They made love with new urgency and abandon as if it would be their very last chance at intimacy with each other.

The love was there; it had always been there, ever since he decided to come out of hiding and follow her that day, and had manifested itself at Winhill. Old, buried feelings kept bubbling to the surface and no matter what they did or how often they did it, eight years of subdued desire simply couldn't be quenched. Maybe it was because they were raised in Garden, but there was something about being back in combat together that intensified that aching need. And when Timber was overrun and his demeanor cracked and betrayed protectiveness, even fear – not for himself, but for her – she stopped questioning herself and knew it was right to love him unconditionally, without reservations.

So, as she sat there, staring out over the black sea under a clear night sky with stars that glittered like diamonds, she let out a deep sigh, feeling at peace for the first time in years.

Heavy footsteps and a low grunt interrupted her thoughts, but the noise made her smile. Wordlessly, Seifer sat down next to her. She scooted a little closer so that their thighs were touching, and she leaned forward on the metal rail to rest her chin on her forearms.

"I thought you'd be sleeping," came the gruff voice.

She shrugged. "I should be. I just wanted to come out here and breathe in the sea air, I guess. Take in the stars for once. It's so cloudy in the west, I can't remember the last time I actually saw the sky."

"Hm."

"I thought you were sleeping?"

"I was. Slept like the fuckin' dead. My internal clock is all fucked up, though. I'm awake now. Guess my body can't tell night from day, either."

"I'm glad you got some sleep, though."

"Me too. Fuck."

There was a long, contented silence as the two of them stared out over the sea. While Quistis was admiring the stars, however, Seifer glanced around and glared at the developments that had been built around FH. "You know, I look around and I see all this technology, and manpower, and Esthar's weapons, and I can't help but wonder."

There was a long pause. Quistis glanced over at him. Seifer's jaw worked as he stared out over the sea in anger. She licked her lips, wanting to tread lightly. "Wonder what?"

He locked eyes with her, his brows furrowed. "Why isn't she dead yet?"

Quistis looked away and let out a sigh. "Well…she's amassed such a giant swarm of hybrids, and since the draw points and natural resources have been drained - "

"You're not answering my question."

"She's the Galbadian General's daughter - "

"Was. She was his daughter. And he's dead now, too."

"Seifer - "

"You traveled to the future to kill off a powerful mind-controlling witch and this is the best you can do? Get the fuck out of here."

She sighed again, ashamed of her answer. "Squall. She's still alive because of Squall."

Seifer glared at her.

"President Loire listens to him, and he's extremely sympathetic," Quistis continued. "Plus, he knew Rinoa. He knew General Caraway. He knew everything that Rinoa went through in order to help destroy Ultimecia. Even Ellone was on her side, at first. It was a difficult decision for everyone. They reacted too slowly, and hundreds of lives were lost as a result."

"Fucking Hyne," Seifer rumbled under his breath and ran a hand through his hair.

"All that is about to change," Quistis added quickly. "I'm heading to Esthar to speak with the President. The initial goal of the Winhill trip was to evacuate the remaining citizens out of the West, but obviously that failed. We also did recon to establish just how decimated the continent was - "

"Just grab a couple of Ragnarok jets to find her and lay waste 5 miles up and down, how fuckin' hard is that?!"

"I used this trip as an excuse to find you," she reminded him in a strained voice.

That shut him up. He looked away and sighed again.

"Don't think that this weighs on me every single day," she whispered. "We should have acted long ago, since day one. We should have ended it then, especially after I became the Commander. But I'll admit it…I got selfish. My priorities shifted."

Seifer grit his teeth. She was talking about him again.

Quistis swallowed. "And you know what? If Squall and the President were going to protect her, then…"

He looked down at her and blinked.

She glanced up at him. "I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. I'd leave them all to find you first."

He let out a defeated sigh and looked back out towards the sea. Neither one of them said anything for a long while.

"…I think back on everything that happened today and it feels like it happened years ago," Quistis broke the silence quietly. "I'm only just now beginning to process it. I lost six SeeD specialists today, Seifer. Six. If they weren't so Hynedamned stubborn - "

"We might all be dead," he interrupted. "You can't dwell on that."

"I know. They did their duty. I'm proud of them. I would expect no less. But…it's…" she sighed. "What bothers me more is that I…I don't feel anything. They're gone, and…I'm not sad. I'm not feeling sorrow, or remorse, or even guilt that they died! What's wrong with me?! Is it this war? Is it because I've seen and heard enough that I'm just numb to it all now? Does that make me some kind of sociopath?"

Seifer looked down at her, his jaw working. "No. You're just doing your job. You have to keep them moving…just like you did in Winhill."

She looked up at him questioningly.

"Raijin told me," he said quietly.

Quistis swallowed and looked away.

"He said that you kept everyone together, that…after that, morale was fucked, but you were able to keep them going. He knew the younger cadets couldn't tell, but…he said that you were affected by it. He and Fujin were, too."

Quistis didn't reply.

"I remember that attitude," Seifer added with a small grin. "The ice shield. You always pretended that certain things didn't bother you, but they did. The more things got to you, the icier you became."

Quistis swallowed and kept her gaze ahead, but she couldn't hide the tears welling up in her eyes. "I couldn't let them see…what I was really feeling inside…"

"I know."

"Our unit caught up with Fujin and Raijin later, so I only saw…the aftermath…". Quistis closed her eyes and shook her head again, her voice strained. "Seifer…in the mass grave there were…little bones. Bones that belonged to children. Babies."

Seifer remained silent.

She furrowed her brows. "After all this training, after all this time…I…I wasn't surprised, and in the back of my mind, I knew it was going to happen, but…I still wasn't prepared to see that," she murmured softly. "Not that. So I blocked it out, like I did with Garden, just forged ahead, trying to forget…"

Seifer nodded, his jaw working.

"I think that's why we were so slow to act," she added. "To answer your question earlier…I think…we were just all so…shocked. We couldn't believe what was happening. We tried to justify that somehow, some way, something was wrong with her, like maybe she was possessed again. She couldn't possibly do all those things willingly…it wasn't really her…"

Seifer didn't reply.

"But…I keep asking myself about it," she shook her head again. "The Rinoa I knew would never, ever do something that atrocious. She wouldn't have done that to Balamb. She wouldn't have done those things to…to innocent…children…so…what happened? What…happened to her?"

"Drowning," Seifer murmured, almost as a whisper.

Quistis glanced up. "What?"

"She was drowning." Seifer looked over at her, his eyes glossy and sad. "And when a person starts to drown like that…no matter how hard they try to keep their head above water…they want to drag someone – anyone – down with them." His jaw worked and his nostrils flared as he stared at her. "That's why I ran, Quis. That's why you couldn't find me. I had to get away…as far away from you as I could. I didn't want to drag you down with me."

Quistis reached over and took his hand. To her surprise, he laced his fingers into hers willingly.

"I know you were all trying to help her with her powers, but Rinoa's gone," Seifer continued in a low voice. "I'm not sure there's such a thing as a good sorceress. That kind of thing…it…warps them. Does something to them. It's like a sickness. All that magic…it's poison to their minds. Remember how the GF would eventually make you lose your memories? I think it's like that. But worse."

Quistis took a deep breath and stared out over the sea.

"She doesn't know who she is anymore," Seifer continued. "She doesn't know what she's supposed to be doing. She's just…a being. A being possessed by magic. And she'll spread, like a disease. Try to poison those around her and bend them to her will." Seifer set his jaw. "It…it was like that with Matron. I mean…not like…entirely Matron, but…with…"

"I know," Quistis whispered. "Oh, Seifer."

He held her hand tighter and there was a long pause. "Anyway…" he shrugged and sighed. "The point I was trying to make…I mean…obviously, Quis…you're not a sociopath. You wouldn't have felt what you did at Winhill. You wouldn't be able to do all the things you've done for Garden…for the younger cadets and all the SeeDs…" He looked down at her. "…for me."

Quistis looked up at him, her eyes full.

"…You still care, Quis."

She gave him a small smile, squeezed his hand, and quickly wiped a tear away, staring out over the ocean. "Thank you."

They both wordlessly stared out over the dark ocean. There was another long pause as they both took in the scene, Seifer's hand never leaving hers.

"So," he reluctantly broke the silence and attempted to change the subject. "After all this, what will you do? You're damn near a General."

Quistis scoffed. "If we survive, you mean?"

"Yeah."

"I'll quit."

He stared at her, not attempting to hide his look of utter surprise. "What? You will not."

"Yes, I will."

"You'd quit? This is all we know."

"Exactly, and I've had enough. I'm done. If we live through this, then someone else can take over. I'll retire early," she sighed. "It's a nice thought, actually. I haven't really had a chance to think about a future."

"And what future would that be?" he teased. "Get a little cottage by the coast, like Edea? Become a crooked little woman and knit blankets and sell them? Make goat cheese or some shit?"

She shot him a glare. "Maybe. So what? What's so funny about that?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. I can't imagine it, I guess. You're a soldier. Figured you'd want to teach magic ballistics or combat or something."

"Not anymore. I can't stomach any more of this. I want to go somewhere quiet, and then maybe I'll figure it out from there. The only thing I want right now is to be able to sleep without having nightmares or…reminders of…" she swallowed and trailed off. "It's because of all this that I just want to…do something else. Take a different direction. And if I'm allowed that chance…I'll take it."

"Hm."

Quistis glanced at him. "What about you?"

There was a long pause before Seifer spoke. He shook his head. "I don't know. I never thought of my future. Not after the Second War. Didn't think I had one."

Quistis squeezed his hand again.

"Didn't even see myself here, doing any of this," he continued. "So I don't have a fucking clue of where to go from here."

"You'll be with me."

Seifer glanced at her. She didn't sound hopeful. She wasn't asking. It was almost a demand. An expectation. And he wasn't going to put up a fight. He let out a slow breath. "…yeah."

They both looked out towards the dark sea. There was a long pause.

"…Do you know what I'll probably do first?" Quistis thought out loud. It was a rhetorical question, so Seifer remained silent, waiting for her to finish. She looked out towards the skyline, took in a breath through her nose, and exhaled. "Maybe…I'll go home for a bit. To our home. Our real one."

Seifer swallowed. The orphanage.

"I just want to hear the sea," Quitsis sighed.

"You can hear it now."

"Yes, but not the sound of the waves on the shore," she replied, "or the seagulls nesting in the rocks, or that sound the sand makes under your feet. And the smell of it…the smell of the wildflower field combined with the salt water and fresh air - "

"Dead fish," Seifer joked flatly. "Dried up seaweed. Yep, sure tugs at the heartstrings, all right."

She smiled. "Don't you miss it, though?"

"Sand getting up my ass crack? Not really."

"Seifer. Not even a little bit?"

He thought of playing with Quistis at the orphanage when they were kids, and let out a grunt. "…Maybe a little."

"We can hear the sea here, but it's not like we can run around on a beach and play in the water," she sighed. "I'd like to go back to it sometime. Just…revisit something that's hopefully untouched by all this."

He looked down at her and suddenly envisioned sunkissed skin, the salty sea on her lips, and the sand beneath their toes, squishy and soft as the tide would wash it around, in and out.

Quistis glanced over at him and blinked at his expression. Seifer looked sad…and happy…at the same time, which almost unnerved her. As always, without even saying anything, he completely disarmed her with the expression on his face and the intensity of his eyes.

There was a long pause as they watched each other. Before he even knew it himself, his body moved closer and he automatically dipped his head to give her a long, deep kiss.

He pulled her into an embrace and sighed in her hair. "Well…I guess…if we survive this, then that'll be the first place we go."

Quistis closed her eyes and smiled.

A/N: This is getting longer than I originally intended, which is fine. I'll just have another chapter after this.