Order my stories are most likely to be updated in;

1. Through the Eyes of the Dead (mainly because the chapters I write are short for it and I'm a lazy bum)

2. Of Fathers and Godfathers (probably the longest chapters I write for any of my stories and in between finding inspiration to write, grammatical editing - which usually fails because well ADHD and all that and my clingy little bugger of a child this takes a while to write)

3. Like Stars (I honestly love this story so much already but I really need to clearly establish a plot and decided exactly whats going to happen before I do, I have an idea, and it is very dark and sadistic blah blah)

NOTICE: POLLS WILL BECOME A REGULAR THING TO HELP FURTHER MY STORIES ALONG - WAITING FOR THE NEW UPDATE? TAKE A PART IN THE POLL TO SPEED UP THE PROCESS!

P.S I try to update as regularly as possible but being a Dad and all it's bloody difficult if you can't understand then go f* yourself. Plus I have a little thing called ADHD so... Thank you!

Poll Results

Through The Eyes Of The Dead: How should Lily react to seeing Snape again?

Attack, just purely attack leading to Fred, Gideon and Fabian placing bets on how long she'll hate him for. - 50%

Just sit there in silence pondering her life. - 25%

Reunion time - come along Sevvy! - 18%

Bitch there better be another Afterlife I can send you to... *mutinous, terrifying glaring* - 6%

Screw you James, Snape loves me as well - the fact we got married and had a child means nothing! - 0%

Hello there Muggles!

Instead of writing a very, very, long biography about my awesome life I will instead list a number of things you may or may not, probably the latter, wish to know.Yes, I'm one of those people. Problem? If there is, piss off. Thank you!

I am called Marty, short for Martin but please don't call me that.

I am an orphan - pause for sarcastic cheering.

I am ridiculously tall, I walk into doorframes all the time especially drunk.

I used to live with my Godfather Ellis, or adopted Father as it is now, and I'm also named after him with my middle name.

I moved out of Ellis's and in with my girlfriend Mia.

I am a Father, though still as immature as my son, he's called Craig Jake Jack after my Dad and two of my closest friends.

There is another screaming lump of flesh on the way.

I am a Godfather myself to my friend Jake's son - Jake Jack Jackson Junior, best name ever.

My eyes are fucked up, there brown with random blue in them, a recent development as well.

No matter how hard I try my hair will never cooperate with me.

I went to a boarding school with a house system - so no surprise on the Harry Potter love thing.

My Headmaster was my girlfriends Father... so awkward, so awkward.

One of my Dad's friends used to teach me - again so awkward, so awkward.

I have been told many times I am the lovechild of Prongs and Padfoot, if only...

I have a half-brother called Blaine.

I have a ginger friend called Hy who is also an orphan so we have a nice little club together, she's married to another orphan called Hank who I've known since I was twelve and has a daughter called Meva - I'm keeping my fingers crossed baby ginger marries my son.

I once got drunk in Japan and painted on a sacred wall but keep quiet about it because no one knows it was me!

I look much older than I am so alcohol was an early thing for me - wow this is really beginning to make me sound like an alcoholic...

I have the attention span of a three year.

I forget I am writing fan fics then remember and go on my laptop and realise that one of the many children who visit my house has thrown up on the keyboard.

I am named after my Aunt - she was called Marlene but liked to be called Marty - nope, I don't get it either.

I will read a book or movie and route for the guy who dies.

I will love the most damaged person in a series.

I will cry when anyone dies in anything, even if its a donkey on a TV advert, I'm just like that.

I was one of those annoying people at school who talked and laughed all the way through class but still got good marks - SUCK IT!

I am allergic to Ketchup, it is the devils food in my house.

I own about a million guitars but my first will always be my favourite - like my children despite the second not even being born yet. Joking!

I have an undiagnosed kidney problem which has led to perfect pissing aim.

I am the messiest person alive.

I know the lyrics to Disney movies and nothing more, the bad and good thing of being a Father.

I will sing along and sometimes play along with Buskers.

I once got into a shouting match with a three year old on a train.

I once fell asleep and woke up with a parrot on my shoulder, literally freaked the shit out.

I have a dog called Sam who is the stupidest mammal alive.

I'm English - yay!

I can read and write German, I got bored one year and decided to take a trip.

I own several pairs of earplugs - because I'm such a loving Father who desperately needs sleep.

I work best at night and sleep better through the day.

It angers me to see people who don't dot their i's - DID THEY NOT LEARN HOW TO WRITE? ITS DOT THE I'S AND CROSS THE T'S!

My glasses glow in the dark - always fun at cinemas.

The first time I said I love you to Mia she looked around thinking I was talking to someone else.

My friends are like my family, I'm sure I'm related to Hy in some way our Dad's were cousins.

I was born May the Fifth, wooh! No year for you little stalkers.

I hate cats...ew...

For Valentine's Day I discovered I was going to be a Father again

I plan to get married one day I'm just waiting for Mia to ask - joking, well at least I think I am.

I attract trouble so much it frightens me.

One time I was mugged and I decided to thoroughly show off the bruises by taking the train home - I ended up with the carriage all to myself where I put in my headphones, the idiot only took my wallet, and sung at the top of my voice. I missed my stop.

I can drive and own a car but I love trains.

I once accidentally became involved in a flash mob of Gangnam Style.

My phone is entirely made up of pictures and music, I have about three apps.

My friends used to call me weird for liking Harry Potter, that was until I made them watch all the movies and they fell in love with it. Success.

I was once compared to Edward out of Twilight, punched the guy in the face. Totally necessary.

When I try to leave the house my son will grab hold of my ankle which sometimes results in me dragging him along the floor but most the time me falling flat on my face.

Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4.

"Strange noises or"

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?

A bitchin, broken, St Patricks Day Hat.

What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Family Guy - the one where plants rape one another, creepy as hell.

Without looking, guess what time it is:

11:20

Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

00:10 - crap, later than I thought.

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

The increasingly disturbing groans of pain from Mission Impossible 2.

When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Ten mins ago, looking for my shoe - long story.

Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

My phone because I found countless entertaining photos.

What are you wearing?

Onesie - yeah, I'm so mature.

What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Paint, lots and lots of pictures because I take lots and lots of pictures, um some movie posters a map of the world because I am shit at Geography, paint hand prints...

Seen anything weird lately?

Someone on a train was confused I was a guy they had had a one night stand with and gotten pregnant, freaked the living daylights out of me, was sorely tempted to jump off the train.

What do you think of this quiz?

Meh.

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

Glow in the dark paint and UV lights, best thing in the universe... maybe a car... or a train, I love trains.

Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

Er dunno, Hufflepuff? Katniss? Clemmentine?

Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

Already named him, cause he's already here, Craig after my dead Father. Yes my Father is dead. My Dad is dead. I have a dead Father.

Have a conversation with the closest living thing to you other than yourself.

Me: Hey Craig, stop drawing on that its your Mums not mine! Craig: *Gurgle* - mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Me: Fuck Craig: Fwuck Girlfriend: Marty did you just teach him how to swear?!? Me: Erm...no Craig: Fwuck Girlfriend: I am going to murder you Marty! Stop swearing in front of our child! Me: It was an accident, he was laughing weird! Girlfriend: You laugh weird! Me: That's not my fault, I was born this way! Girlfriend: You sound like a dying hippo Me: Yeah, because you've been around lots of dying hippos Girlfriend: You're insufferable Me: I love you too Girlfriend: I tolerate you, I had a baby with you, love has nothing to do with it Craig: *Crying* Me: See, he knows you're being mean! Girlfriend: All right fine, I love you, just please stop swearing Me: All right fine *walks into desk* ah shit! I've been shot! Girlfriend: Marty! Craig: Shwit! Me: *nervous laugh as girlfriend looks like she is about to murder me* oops?

Turn on T.V. What show is on?

...advert, can't be arsed.

Type your username with your elbow.

sdollom,den,mdccv hjkitfrbgv,mndsgdetfr

Stand up and close your eyes. Spin around 3 times. Whats the first thing you see?

My girlfriend, dog and son staring at me wondering if I've gone insane...

iTunes Personality Quiz (Yes, I like these things, cope with it bitches!)

1. Put your iTunes (or iPod) on shuffle - oh cause that wasn't obvious or anything *rolls eyes*

2. For each question, press the next button to get your next answer - *silently judging you*

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAMES NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS! - most things I do sound silly to be honest

1. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? - Hit first ask later...

Everybody - Backstreet Boys - OH.MY.FUCKING.ASLAN - am I sexual? Fuck yes! New motto!

2. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Diamonds - Rihanna - well, one of my friends are convinced that I am gay...even though I have a girlfriend...and a son...

3. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Talk Dirty - Jason Derulo - well, I shall neither disagree or agree to that.

4. WHAT IS 22?

This is War - Thirty Seconds to Mars - ...shit

5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Hurt - Johnny Cash - really???

6. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Your Song - Elton John - totally applying this to my girlfriend out of fear of immediate death.

7. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Rockstar - Nickleback - I don't get drunk and do drugs...that often...

8. WHAT DO YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Supermassive Black Hole - Muse - I want to suck the happiness out of the world *pause for evil laughter* basically I want to be a Dementor...

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

This is Love - The Script - okay, guess that could work...

10. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? (They're dead so, hypothetical question!)

Mr Know it All - Kelly Clarkson - ...I am offended

11. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

I Cry - Flo Rida - oh wow, I really hope not, I'll be kicked in the balls multiple times, again...

12. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? (Morbid...)

Let Me Go - Gary Barlow - hmm, guess it could work but I plan to stick around for much longer to annoy all of you little gremlins!

13. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBIE/INTREST?

Blurred Lines - Robin Thicke - I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS NOT MY FAVOURITE HOBBIE

14. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus - *sighs in disappointment at what my life has come to*

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Zombie - Cranberries - erm, don't think so.

16. WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

Girl on Fire - Alicia Keys - not that - HEY! Since when am I on fire? AND A GIRL?

17. HOW WILL YOU DIE? (Wow...just wow)

Grace Kelly - Mika - yes! I shall die looking like a rainbow!

18. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WILL REGRET?

This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race - Fall Out Boy - erm, okay? Kinda getting scared now...

19. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

The Bad Touch - Bloodhound Gang - best song ever! I regularly sing this to my child.

20. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?

Demons - Imagine Dragons - yeah, totally sob everytime I heard this...sarcastic by the way, I'm generally a heartless person.

21. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? (Already picked my wedding song a few questions back you knob)

Feeling Good - Muse - hmm...could work...I shall ponder it...

22. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? (Scouse brows...)

Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons - ...tiny lions are unnatural beings that should be shot on sight - don't question me!

23. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? (I bloody well hope so!)

People Are Strange - The Doors - that they are, that they are.

Harry Potter 1-12

Choose 12 characters and answer the questions bellow...

1. Fred

2. Fred II

3. George

4. Luna

5. Sirius

6. James

7. Ginny

8. Lily

9. Bellatrix

10. Draco

11. Tonks

12. Andromeda

Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before?

James and Tonks...erm can't say I have, can't say I want to I mean it would be very creepy as it would either be him with a little girl or two dead people... *shudders*

Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

Luna hot? I'd say more cute and high more than anything.

1) What would happen if Three got Four pregnant?

George get Luna pregnant - oh my god they'd be beautifully ginger and permanently high and believe in loads of weird crap and blow things up all the time! Oh my god I ship them so hard now... for fucks sake!

2) Do you recall any fics about Nine?

Countless about Bellatrix usually all rated M...I'm scarred for life form some of the things I have read.

3) Would Two and Eleven make a good couple?

Fred II and Tonks? Instantly I would say because of all the issues with age and her well being dead and married and with a kid but if that crap wasn't there they would be awesome I think.

4) Five/Eight or Five/Ten?

Sirius and Lily - or Sirius and Draco. Definitely Sirius and Lily if written well.

5) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten fic.

George and Draco...okay, give me a moment to get in a weird zone to write this then. *mentally prepares* He was just another Weasley. He was just another Malfoy. He liked to prank people. He liked to torture them. His arm was white and freckled. His had the Dark Mark on it. But what if one day these things didn't matter? George Weasley stumbled upon a secret of Draco Malfoy's that changed his perception of the young Slytherin forever.

6) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff?

Fred/Lily? Probably afterlife stuff but I'd say more Mother/Son sorta bonding thing. I'm a sucker for that type of stuff with these two.

7) For whatever reason, five is looking for a room mate. Should five share and apartment with nine or with ten?

Sirius sharing an apartment with Bellatrix or Draco... to be honest I'd say he'd end up living with Draco and turning him to the Light side or something after a while.

14) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?

For Lily...hmm, I'm not really sure. Probably King and Lionheart.

15) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

Fred/James/Andromeda... Warning - somehow this fanfic exists and I apologize for this.

16) What might be a good pick-up line for 1 to use on 2?

Fred on Fred II...on his nephew, his twins son...*shakes* "Hey Freddie," "What Fred? And don't call me Freddie?" "I fucked your Mum," "Good for you, I'll fuck you in a second if you don't leave me alone," "Prove it," "Oh you really didn't want to say that Fred," - Jesus Christ what the hell have I just wrote?!?

17) When was the last time you read a fic about four?

About Luna, the last one was about her having an eating disorder and it was beautifully sad because George was the one who helped her.

18) Who would make a better college professor: 6, or 11?

James or Tonks? Oh my god, both would be fucking awesome. Imagine James Potter, JAMES POTTER, teaching you, making you learn - that would go so badly! But it would be awesome he'd just be there telling you how to cause trouble and basically teaching you how not to learn and how to prank people and then Tonks... she'd just trip over everything and anything and anyone and everyone. I imagine her teaching History or something and just changing her appearance and impersonating the person she was talking about.

19) Do you think 2 is hot? How hot?

Fred II, well as a guy I can't really give an answer to that without sounding gay.

20) 12 sends 8 on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?

Andromeda sends Lily on a mission, I imagine it would be for baby food or something or “Lily find my fucking husband because I’m about to give fucking birth!”

21) What would 5 most likely be arrested for?

Sirius, oh god so many things. Most likely getting drunk and pissing on a cop or something.

22) If you had to walk home through a bad neighborhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8?

Ginny or Lily – I’d say Ginny. I’m sure Lily could brew up a potion or something but I’d much rather have Ginny and her Bat Bogey Curse.

23) What would 3 do if he found 2 and 4 together?

George finding Fred II, his son, and Luna, his friend, together… stare in shock before having a pillow throw in his face by his son most likely.

24) 1 and 9 reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by 4's sinister secret organisation. 11 volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that they are actually a spy for 4. Meanwhile, 4 has kidnapped 12 in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of 5, they seek out 3, who gives them what they need to complete their quest. What title would you give this fic?

So Fred and Bellatrix reluctantly team up together, interesting start, to save the world from Luna’s sinister secret organisation – the Nargle Corps or some cool shit like that. Tonks volunteers to help but turns out to be a spy, she’d be a fucking awesome spy the sly minx. Luna kidnaps Andromeda, I can imagine that going so well for our little Ravenclaw – this is a Black sister you idiot! Sirius – wise advice, well he’s full of it in the movie OoTP so I don’t doubt that, they find George yay sibling bonding between him and Fred! Someone needs to write this now! The title hmm… Together for a Cause. I’d write it as a series most likely.

26) Did you read a 9 and 8 fic yet?

Bellatrix and Lily, to be honest I’ve never seen one nor will I ever, ever, look for one.

28) One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic?

Fred and Bellatrix in a relationship, yeah, sure… Bellatrix runs off, for Voldemort most likely. Fred sleeps with Tonks…hmm, I guess? An affair with Andromeda, ew. Follows Sirius’s wise advice, again, and finds true love with…with…George. *shakes violently*

I’d call this monstrosity of the mind, Back to What you Know.

30) 3 challenges 10 to a duel. What happens?

George challenges Draco. I imagine George would win just but be injured. Draco would be dead most likely because Molly would kill the asshole.

31) If 2 had to choose sides between 4 and 5, which would it be?

Fred II choosing between Luna and Sirius, I think he’d go for Sirius being more trouble making like him.

32) What plot device would you use if you wanted 4 and 1 to work together?

Luna and Fred? I’d use something along the lines of George being killed instead of Fred during the Battle of Hogwarts and Luna being the one to help him out of his grief.

33) What would you think if 1 and 7 had an affair?

Fred II and Ginny…Fred II and his Aunt? Nephew and Aunt? No, no, no, NO, NO!

34) Have you ever read any 10/12 fics?

Draco and Andromeda, nope, just nope.

37) Would you be surprised if 3 and 12 got together?

George and Andromeda, I think if it was after the Battle type of thing when they’re both grieving and before George finds Angelina that maybe it could work but yes, if this happened I’d be very surprised…and a little disturbed.

Place you iTunes on shuffle and see what you get!

Opening Credits: Lana Del Ray - Summertime Sadness (Cedric Gervais remix) If its a corny summer thing then totally

Waking Up: Emile Sande - Read All About It (P.III) Hmm, not exactly sure that fits for waking up...

First Day of School: Beartooth - Beaten In Lip I don't like this school...

Falling In Love: Lou Bega - Mambo No.5 Yes! This is perfect!

Fight Song: David Guetta ft Sia - Titanium Actually surprisingly works, first for this thing really.

Breaking Up: Paloma Faith - Can't Rely On You Again, actually works.

Prom Night: Mike - Grace Kelly Could work because of all the colours and shit.

Life: Icona Pop - I love it Oh my God, yes this totally works! Though I'v never crashed my car into a bridge, tree yes, bridge no.

Mental Breakdown: Fall Out Boy - I don't Care Yes, this works! the best of us can find happiness in misery...

Driving: Christ Brown - Yeah 3X I would not feel comfortable with this song playing as I drove, nope, nope, nope.

Flashback: Gnarly Barkley - Crazy Flashback to my mental breakdown perhaps.

Getting Back Together: Ne-Yo - Beautiful Monster Meh, kinda sorta doesn't work.

Wedding: Pink - Blow Me (One Lat Kiss) If I was going to kill them on the wedding then totally yeah.

Birth of a Child: Of Monsters and Men - Little Talks Not really. Love the song not for the birth of a child though, you want them to listen to you!

Final Battle: My Chemical Romance - Mama Hmm, not bad.

Funeral Song: Kanye West - Stronger Kinda dead not getting stronger...

Final Credits: Killers - All These Things I Have Done Again, kinda works.

So, there is some random crap about me! Hope you enjoyed reading it and my stories, I will be updating them soon...I think... See ya!

Mischief Managed ;)

(Couldn't resist)