A/N: Last chapter we diverged from the main story in the middle of S3E2, just after Sarah had been told to stay and train Chuck to be a spy. After another difficult conversation, he's asked her to give him the chance to show he does care for her. She's uncertain, but has agreed to let this happen.
Thanks for reviews. I notice some people still think Sarah should be thinking logically about her relationship with Chuck. When hurt and heartbroken, the sole focus is on the pain and anger, for quite some time. Chuck turning up is also confusing her. She's in turmoil.
As mentioned last time, if she's making you angry or irritated, you don't have to read this.
Pre-reading thanks to JohnnyRayChandlett. He's helping me a lot. If you haven't read his "Chuck vs The Journey", you're missing a wonderful story. Go and read it.
Still no beta for this.
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck. If I did, S3 would have run more like this.
Prove Yourself
Chapter 3 – Proving, Days One & Two
Sarah wakes to a knock on her door. She looks over at her alarm. 8:00 AM.
She gets up, picks up her pistol and walks to the door.
There is a note pushed under the door, but she ignores it at first. She looks through the peephole. No one there. She grips her pistol. This could be a threat. However, she'll read the note first.
She bends down and picks up the note and carries it to her desk.
Sitting down, she sees it is just a single sheet, folded over. She opens it up. The inside has Chuck's writing in it.
Each day, I'll leave a note and a small appreciation for what you mean to me.
I know you like these. Just one outside your door.
There's only one Sarah Walker, so one beauty for another.
Intrigued, she walks to the door and opens it. She finds one gardenia, already in a tall thin vase.
She'd said no flowers and the first day, he leaves her a flower!
Looking at it, she has to admire his decision to ignore her and just go for it anyway. He will probably argue that she was referring to a bouquet of flowers, whereas he has left just one.
He really does know what she loves, though. Gardenias are her favorite flower.
Casting her mind back, she remembers when she was hospitalized.
Chuck had brought her flowers which he presented, feeling proud of himself because he had brought her favorite, gardenias. Then he'd looked around the room and seen all the flowers from Bryce.
He had said, "I guess no matter what it is, I'll always come in second to that guy."
She had replied, "Not always." She'd said that because he had made the effort to find out what she liked best and had gone out and got that, but also his were from his heart and his wallet, whereas Bryce had just gone over the top and spent CIA money to show off. Even then, although she was fighting it, he was securing a place for himself in her heart.
Now, his single Gardenia versus a bouquet of flowers felt the same. She doesn't need a bouquet of flowers, one is enough. His gesture being more powerful than the mess it could have been.
And the message in the note was strangely powerful too. Sure, it was cheesy, but it still took her back to those earlier days when she had been falling for him. It triggers a moment of happiness.
She grins and picks it up, carrying it in and placing it on her desk.
Great start, Chuck!
She is on her way to Echo Park to pick Chuck up. They are going to Castle to start his training.
Yesterday, she hadn't wanted to do this, but today, she feels less angry and more willing to do so.
His note and gift had made her happy when she received them, but then, in her shower, her mind dragged her back to him deciding not to explain himself in Prague, not caring about her feelings. She'd thought everything was good between them before that. She needs to be cautious.
As she drives, she thinks more about the gesture. He has always managed to make me happy. when he actually paid attention.
As she pulls into the parking lot near his apartment, she sees that he has been waiting for her and is approaching the car. He looks nervous.
He's wondering what I thought of what he'd left for me.
She wants him to know how she feels, but isn't sure herself! Her brain is still swirling between happiness at the gesture and unhappiness at the rejection. Still a mess!
That unhappiness seems to be almost engraved into her mind now. It overtakes her senses and reason and keeps her from believing his words, as she could before Prague. She hopes, if he does care for her, that he can be patient with her. Give her time to sort herself out.
As he gets into the car, she smiles at him. For the first time, a genuine smile.
He looks relieved.
Although she still feels terribly unsure about him, the gesture had made her happy, so she says, "Thank you, Chuck."
He beams, then admits, "I know you told me not to get flowers, but this felt right, Sarah." He then looks less happy. "Sorry I gave you something you told me to avoid. Are you upset with me?"
She considers that. Yes, I am about what he did in Prague, but it is tempered with what he did this morning.
She smiles, a bit sadly. "Not upset about that, Chuck. I liked the gesture and, as you know, I love gardenias, so that made me happy."
She wasn't going to say more, but Chuck had obviously noted the sad look and says, "But?"
She looks down. "I'm still hurting, Chuck, so I'm still cautious. I still worry that I might be making a mistake. I'm sorry. "
He says nothing more. Nor does she, not trusting what she might say herself, at that moment.
Turning to face forwards, she starts the car and sets off.
When she'd thanked him, she had felt warmth and happiness radiate off of him, which had given her heart a flutter.
God, it's only one day and I've started to waver! I must not give in so easily, in case this is all false again.
She drives in silence, all the way to Castle.
They are facing each other on the mat. Both holding a Bo Staff.
Yesterday, she would have really attacked him, but today she just needs to get him to understand how far away he is from being fully ready.
She smiles at him. "Time to train, Chuck."
They circle around each other, then she swipes at him. He just manages to stop her, but does not hit back.
He's not trying, she thinks. She needs to goad him. "We need to get the 2.0 working right. If you want to be a real spy, you need to act like one."
He frowns. "I am a real spy."
That annoys her. He isn't! And I don't want him to be!
She easily knocks the staff out of his hands. "A real spy would have been able to defend himself."
She gives him another one and starts again. She swipes her staff at him once more and he only just stops it. Twice. Then she has the end against his neck.
He still isn't trying. "Come on, Chuck. The program for this must be in the 2.0. You can do this."
He mumbles, "It doesn't work, okay? It's not working. I'm… I'm… I'm too emotional."
She frowns at him. She knows he is emotional, but if they are going to be able to continue, he needs to put some effort in. "You need to learn to ignore your emotions. Spies can't have feelings in the field. Feelings get you killed. You need to learn to bury them in a place deep inside." She starts again.
"Sarah, stop."
She has to push him. "Come on, flash! Show me your attack skills! Come on, Chuck, flash! Show me!"
He stands still. "No."
This is not helpful. She angrily asks, "Why not?"
She both likes and dislikes his reply. "Because I don't want to hurt you." She likes that he is thinking that way, but then he already has hurt her. In Prague, so it didn't feel true. It also doesn't help his training.
She swipes at his legs and he topples, landing on his back.
"Don't worry, Chuck, you can't." She knows that's not true. He's hurt her emotionally and, with the Intersect 2.0, he probably could physically too. It was probably her retained anger and pride speaking.
She kneels and doesn't and looks into his eyes. "Come on, Chuck. You have to fight back or I can't train you. Please don't make me a failure."
He winces.
She realizes what she's said. "Sorry. Poor choice of words, but you must try. I can defend myself."
She stares at him. He seems to take it in. She reaches out her right hand.
He grasps it with his right and, as she pulls him up, he says, "Okay. I'll try."
She looks up at him. "Good. Let's take a break first. I need a drink." She's implying a water, but thinking about it, a real drink would be good right now!
= ! = =
They are sitting in Castle, eating a light lunch.
"You did better after that initial problem, Chuck."
He mutters, "Thanks." He then gives her his full attention. "Thanks for pushing me, Sarah."
She just quietly looks back at him. He has tried hard, but better than that, he has concentrated on what they were doing, rather than starting to spiral off on other thoughts. She nods her acknowledgement of his thanks.
"Casey will be working with you this afternoon, Chuck. Same for all the rest of this period."
He grins. "It's a good job, Beckman arranged for me to get two weeks leave for this."
She grins back. She can't help it. He always does that to her. "Best holiday?" she teases.
He just looks at her for a while, as she bites into her sandwich. "The mornings are."
She nearly chokes. When she gets herself under control, she decides to ignore his words, but focus on the fact he made her choke, it's easier that way. She looks at him and, in a sarcastic tone, says, "Thanks for that, Chuck!"
He laughs.
This is just like it used to be. Am I falling for his charms again? So easily?
Sarah is lying on her bed thinking about the day. It's late. Chuck is having a games evening with Morgan, so she'd spent the rest of the day thinking.
She had thought Chuck would struggle to win her heart again, but even after one day, she's weakening. It is only the first day, though. Plenty of time for him to screw up.
She hadn't set a time limit on this. She'd expected him to fail from the start and it would quickly confirm she needed to leave. However, if it does seem to be real, it will probably need to be longer than just their time off. It would need to include mission time to confirm whether he could operate professionally or not.
Hopefully, their downtime will all be as good as today, then he needed to show he could work with her again.
The note and the gift had really cheered her up. The note because of the feelings it demonstrated. HIs feelings. The gift brilliantly captured a special memory. For both of them, it seems.
Her mind is still in turmoil, but she is feeling less angry.
She gets ready to go to bed.
As she climbs into bed, she wonders what he will do tomorrow.
The knock on the door wakes her, just as it had done the day before. She smiles and happily gets out of bed. She spots another note has been pushed under the door. This increases that soft, giddy feeling inside of her.
If he is going to do this each day, she might be kissing him before the end of the week!
She saunters over and picks up the note and walks to her desk. She sits, like yesterday, and opens the note.
All the shades of blue
Your breathtaking eyes
Intrigued, she walks to the door and opens it. She finds a small unframed painting.
She picks it up, carrying it in and placing it on her desk, next to the gardenia.
The picture is eye-catching. The blue, cloudless sky gradually darkens from the top until quite dark when it touches the ocean at the horizon. The water then brightens through various blue/green shades until the bottom of the painting.
He's commented before about how he fell for her eyes first and that he admired the various shades that reflected her mood at the time.
It is a wonderful analogy and, like the flower the previous day, gives her a very happy feeling.
Day 2, heart warmed. Another successful delivery!
She can't stop smiling as she gets ready for the day.
This morning, she has decided to head out, rather than in, for the training session. She starts to jog as soon as he's out of his apartment.
He starts to jog too, to keep up, but, understandably, looks confused. "Where are we going, Sarah? Shouldn't you be driving us to Castle?"
She smiles at him. "No, Chuck. This morning, we're going for a run."
That doesn't stop the confused look. "How is that spy training?"
She looks over at him. God, he looks good in his shorts and vest!
Pushing those thoughts aside, she replies, "A spy needs to be fit and able to run after enemies, as well as from them. Didn't they go through this at all in Prague?"
He noticeably frowns at the mention of Prague. His tone is flat as he says, "We ran. A lot. I shouldn't need this."
She grins at him. "Good. This morning will prove that, then won't it? Then we will only do it twice a week, to keep you fit."
He grumbles, but keeps going.
They've only just reached the park and they've not been running particularly fast either. Chuck is already visibly tiring.
Sarah is disappointed. What the hell did they do out there?
Sarah places her hand on his arm. "There's a bench just around the next corner. We'll stop there for a rest."
He looks at her, smiles and nods. Obviously, he's out of breath and can't talk!
They reach the bench and Chuck slumps down onto it.
Sarah had thought about jogging on the spot until they restarted, but decides that would be cruel. It would emphasize how unfit he was. She sits next to him.
She looks at him. His face is bright red. He is very sweaty, but in spite of this, or maybe because of it, he looks hot, and not just in the body temperature sense.
Shaking her head, Sarah looks away. Thoughts like that are not helpful right now.
"We need to get you a lot fitter, Chuck."
He just grunts. Not a Casey type of grunt, more of one she could imagine from a beaten plough-pulling ox. That thought makes Sarah chuckle.
"What's so funny?"
She decides not to tell him the true reason, but another thought had been coming to the surface anyway, so she's going to tell him that. "You've undergone spy training, but are clearly not fit. You couldn't even talk when we got to the bench."
He huffs. "They were teaching me other stuff."
Sarah doesn't question that, but says, "Well, we're going to run every other day until you get fit. Then we'll drop to twice a week."
He just groans.
She leans back, letting him rest for a while.
"Thank you for the note and the painting, Chuck," she says quietly.
He turns to her and smiles for the first time this morning. "You liked them?"
"I did, Chuck. Both were beautiful."
He interrupts, "Like you are."
She grins at him. "Keep telling me that and I might believe it!"
"Oh, I will," he replies, breathlessly.
She knows the breathlessness is due to the running, but it still makes her heart quiver. She looks down for a few seconds, then looks back at him. I need to show how much I appreciate what he is doing.
She can't help it. Her affection for him must be clear in her eyes, but she doesn't turn away. She can't speak, right now, just like she couldn't in previous years. It feels a bit like those times.
Chuck smiles a bit sadly, maybe also thinking about what they had lost, and looks away.
Sarah just looks at him for a minute. She thinks she still loves him, or could love him again, but that is terrifying, as he has the power to hurt her so much. However, she also feels so good around him, whether she loves him or not. How does he do it?
She has to talk with him while they are out here. "Chuck?"
He looks back at her. He grins. "Yep." He then raises his eyebrow and says, as if questioning whether it's her, "Sarah?"
She snorts, grins, then replies, "Yep."
He laughs and she joins him. When they settle down, she quietly says, "I've enjoyed being with you these last two days, Chuck."
He keeps quiet, but smiles at her.
She continues, "I still hurt from what you did, but you haven't upset me in two days. You've been really sweet with the notes and gifts and you've not badgered me at all. It has been good, Chuck. Thank you."
"You're welcome." He obviously wants to say more, but is holding back.
She raises an eyebrow. "What?"
He starts to squirm. "What, what?"
She looks sternly at him. "What is it that you're not saying?"
He eventually grins. "If I'm not a badger, am I some other furry mammal?"
She gives him a straight look. "Well, after Prague, I thought you were a rat. When you returned and started almost begging, you looked like a meerkat."
He winces. "I asked for that, didn't I?"
"You did." She rubs her jaw, thinking. "Not sure what you're like now. Maybe an Afghan hound. Long legs, but in no hurry." She then runs her fingers through his hair. "And your hair is always long and needing grooming."
God, I'd forgotten how much I love running my fingers through his hair.
She starts to feel hot and pulls her hand away. She notices he had closed his eyes while she was doing it.
He opens his eyes and looks at her. "D-don't Afghans have long straight hair?"
She smiles. "Well, it's not a perfect fit, is it?"
She knows they can't continue this. He obviously does too. She is thinking it could lead to something they shouldn't do. Certainly not in the park, but she's still hurting and can't let her defenses down completely. Not yet.
He gets up. "Last one back to the car, buys ice creams!" He shoots off.
She leaps up and runs after him. They both know that he hasn't a chance of beating her, even cheating like he has, but she still grins. This is fun!
They sit on a bench. Licking ice creams. Ice creams bought by Chuck.
She is still grinning.
His glare is obviously not real, but he still says, "Okay. You can stop feeling so much better than me. You got your ice cream!"
She puts on an innocent look and blinks at him. "Me?"
He looks a bit flustered. "Y-yeah. You."
She grins. "But I am so much better, Chuck."
He tries to look annoyed, but can't and eventually grins back.
She places her hand on his arm again. God, I love touching him!
He is looking down at her hand. He obviously likes the physical contact too.
She has to get this out and not just revel in the contact. "Chuck, we have to run more this morning. We've run for less than half an hour, so far."
He groans and starts to pull his arm away.
She grips him tighter, stopping him. "We will have to run every other day while you're off, but I hope we can still have fun as well. Like today."
His eyes take on a dreamy look, then he gazes, almost longingly, into her eyes. "Me too, Sarah. Me too."
They had run again, on and off, for the rest of the morning, probably more off than on. He definitely looked completely exhausted at the end. He obviously can't run back to his apartment.
Sarah sits him on a bench near the park entrance and runs back to the apartment block. Then, she drives back and collects him.
She could have dropped him back at his apartment for his shower and then driven to her hotel for hers, but she decides to go to Castle instead. They could both shower there.
As she drives, she starts to think about showering together.
They had done that once, albeit still in their underwear. They were trying to get the toxin off their bodies. She can still remember the contact. Even in their shared panic, it had felt good. She'd obviously wanted to remove any traces from their bodies, but touching him had awakened desires. Desires she had squashed for so long. Desires for him. His body pressed against hers. Loving each other.
Then she remembers them being disturbed. By Jill. That had been a jolt. They had both shocked. She certainly was, facing his ex. He had been trying to get back together with Jill, so that was also upsetting.
She still wonders what would have happened if Jill hadn't arrived. Would they have ripped each other's clothes off? Would they have made love in that shower? Although she was fighting it, she had certainly wanted to at the time.
She has to stop thinking like this! She needs to be professional.
Then she looks down at his legs. His bare, sweaty legs.
God! Get a grip, woman!
She grips the steering wheel and keeps her eyes on the road for the rest of the journey.
Thankfully, Chuck seems completely unaware of her thoughts. He is really quiet. He had looked at her legs when they got in the car. She knows he likes her legs. He had quickly looked away, out the way they were driving. Maybe he's having the same thoughts as me!
She seems to lie on her bed each evening now. Reflecting. Maybe even day dreaming.
So far, he's stated he loves her and certainly shown that he knows her. Knowing what she likes, touches on caring for her, a bit. She is not sure how he can really fully show that, but he seems to think he can.
She looks over at her desk. The gardenia makes her smile, as does the painting.
She is holding the notes that came with them. She's read them again, several times, this evening. Short, sweet and so much like Chuck. He's so good with words, at least when he doesn't spiral. She also thinks about his comment in the park.
Many men have called her beautiful. Many women too. All wanting something. Her. It's part of the job that she hates. Just feeling like something to be desired. Wanted. A sexual object. She hates it when she has to tempt marks, make them think she is attainable. She always used to be able to quash those thoughts. Ignore them and just get on with the job. For the greater good. It feels really dirty now. So, when someone comments on her beauty, she always feels irritated and ignored it. She can't ignore it when Chuck says it. Or, now, writes it. It finds its way into her heart.
She really does love him. Of course, she knew that back in Prague. She'd never told him. She certainly can't now. If he rejects her again, after she says that to him, it really would tear her heart out. She is determined not to let that happen again.
Before Prague, she would have taken any kind of future with him. She is starting to feel like that again. Should she risk being hurt again? Not today, not tomorrow, but sometime?
She has no one to talk to about her dilemma. Except for the man that is part of it. Casey or Carina would make some comments they presume to be funny, but they would not be able to help. Ellie? No way!
She is still waking with nightmares most nights. Some nights she has a happy dream of being with Chuck, the two of them in love with each other, until he walks away. Those are the worst. She's gone through that nightmare already.
She has to think of happier things before retiring to sleep.
She looks again at the notes in her hands. I wonder what his note will say tomorrow. What he'll bring me to go with it. She knows she should discourage it, but it does make her feel happy.
A/N: So, that's the first two days of Chuck 'proving' he is right for her and how she is 'receiving' it. He's showing what he thinks of her and how he knows her. Is that all it takes? More to come.
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