Hey, guys. This is the 3rd short of Roger Rabbit's Wacky Toons with the two guest stars from MGM. Also, I'd like to thank a fellow fanfic writer MenyDragon5 for helping and supporting this fic. In fact, check out his work on his profile with plenty of Roger Rabbit fics and others. Anyway, Roger Rabbit belongs to Disney and the Tex Avery characters in this fic belongs to MGM. Let's get it.
====Two Dames and a Hare=======
Our favorite rabbit is at his humble abode opening his mailbox. Roger checked his list of mail with a concentrated look on his face.
"Jeepers, I have a lot of mail today! What's a rabbit to do? Let's see.", he said as he scanned his eyeballs on the letters and frowned a bit.
"Bills. Bills. And more bills! I should be expectin' somethin' around here! Oh! Wowsers! I forgot about this one.", Roger said changing his mood eyeing a particular letter. The letter in question had a signature of sorts and it looked like it was to a function of sorts. Roger opened up the envelope and got a whiff of perfume liking the scent.
"Ahhh. Smells so heavenly! And looky there! An invitation for a shindig tonight!", Roger excitedly said as he read the letter as it follows.
"Dear Roger, See you tonight. Love, Jess and Red. XOXOX"
Roger sighed happily seeing a photo of Jessica Rabbit and Red Hot Riding Hood in their pretty attire. Red had her short red hair in a flapper outfit and is quite shorter than Jessica who is wearing her trademark outfit in her peekaboo hairstyle. Both girls smiled sultry like with their autographed signatures. Roger kissed the Photo so much that the X's on the letter got on his mouth.
"Guess I better get myself spiffy for tonight. After all, can't miss a great show like this from swell gals in town.", Roger commented as he merrily skipped over to the door but tripped over a rock or rather a turtle shell causing the rabbit to fly onto the door screaming. The toon rabbit hits his face on the door flattened.
"MMMMMWMPH!", Roger mumbled before he peels himself off the door wobbling on the pathway.
"Wowsers! Who got the License plate On that car?", he babbled before he fainted face first on the ground. The turtle popped out of his shell and shook his head.
"Pitiful isn't he?", the turtle said before he turned around slowly going his merry way.
Inside the house, Roger went into his closet and found some formalwear and cane. The toon rabbit grew eager as he was finished taking a shower.
"Hmm. I got the nice set of wears here. This should come in handy.", the rabbit said as he spun around with the formalwear in hand. The whirlwind stopped afterwards revealing Roger in his tuxedo and cane as he looked in the mirror with a grin. As a jazzy music played in the background, he checked himself out in poses and winks at the mirror.
"Roger, you sly dog you.", the rabbit said to himself before getting his top hat and walked out the door with invitation in hand going on his merry way to the nightclub.
Roger arrived at the nightclub as he was approaching the bouncer gorilla awaiting his entrance in to the club. Many goers specifically the male patrons were excited for the stars of the night. The gorilla had a stern expression on his face gazing at Roger.
"Proof of reservation, please.", the bouncer said in a deep bellowed voice as Roger eagerly handed out the invitation.
"Yes, please. This should do quite nicely.", Roger showed the invitation Jessica and Red gave him to the bouncer and nodded.
"Go on in. Next!", the gorilla said motioning Roger Inside as the rabbit eagerly awaited the two beauties to go on stage. Roger was inside the fancy nightclub as everyone else was In their own formalwear. Everyone was chatting awaiting for the same thing Roger was. He was on his way to his two friends' dressing room for a moment before the show. The rabbit was taking in the scenery while looking for the backstage.
"Jeepers, fancy stuff huh? Roger Rabbit in high society! What an honor. Now to look for the ladies back there. In fact, I got them something like these awesome bouquet of flowers.", Roger said pulling Out a bouquet of roses and violets as he headed towards the dressing room with a star plaque with the names Jess and Red. Roger gazed at the door for a moment and chuckled.
"Finally made it. Now to get their attention.", the rabbit knocked on the door with his cane as a female voice answered.
"Just a minute.", she said as Roger waited. The wait didn't take long as Jessica and Red came out and greeted their friend.
"Roger!", they chorused hugging the rabbit as Roger blushed.
"Hey, girls. I got here just In time. How are ya?", he asked as Jessica answered.
"Oh nothing much. Just waiting for our biggest fan to come. But he did.", she said rubbing his cheeks. Red giggled at the sight unaware that a figure is watching them. The figure was none other than Wolfie, a wolf eyeing the ladies with a lovestruck vibe.
"Ha-cha-cha! I finally hit the lottery. Two red hot dames for the taking.", the wolf said but frowned at Roger.
"Wait a second there! Who's this buster? No matter. I'll have both of these dames from under that sap's nose.", the wolf snickered watching Roger pulling out the flowers for the girls. Jessica and Red beamed at the gifts as Red spoke up.
"For us? Awww, you shouldn't have.", the short ginger said to Roger as Jessica held her bouquet of violets.
"They're so pretty. Thank you, sweetheart.", the statuesque beauty purred as Roger grinned.
"I insist. They're for my favorite singers in showbiz. Or my middle name is Ralph. And it's not.", he chuckled as the three enjoyed each other's company. It lasted until the manager of the club came up and got the group.
"Hey, ladies. You're on! And as for you, long ears. Right this way.", the manager said grabbing Roger by the ears much to the rabbit's discomfort.
"Hey! P-P-P-Please! Not the ears! That smarts, bucko!", Roger yelled being hauled away by the manager as Jessica and Red frowned at the manager's unnecessary roughness.
"Darn! That manager had spoiled my opportunity yet. But I'll get my chance as soon as these dames begin to perform out there.", Wolfie chuckled rubbing his hands together thinking his plan is going to work.
The crowd was soon seated as Roger sat near the front anticipating for the ladies' performance. The rabbit thumped his foot in excitement until a man nearby in a snooty accent tapped his shoulder.
"Excuse me, sir. But do you mind? Your rapid thumping is too loud.", the man in a wire styled moustache said looking annoyed. Roger stopped his thumping and sheepishly grinned.
"Oh. Sorry, sir. Won't happen again. I p-p-p-promise.", Roger said.
"Fine. Be sure you do that.", the snooty man huffed before returning to his table. Roger gazed at the man and shrugged.
"Jeepers, he's such a sourpuss.", the rabbit remarked. However, he heard two female screams followed by some laughter.
"What the heck is that?! It's comin' behind those curtains! Time to get to the bottom of this!", Roger with a determined look rushes to the backstage area much to the patrons' bewilderment and annoyance.
"Hmph. Riff-raff.", the snooty man said before taking a sip Of his wine.
"Hey, what's the big idea?! How did you get back here?!", Jessica yelled as Wolfie had a smile on his face. Red glared at the smiling wolf knowing all too well of his past advances.
"Wolfie, what do you want this time?! You better leave before I call the cops!", she yelled. Wolfie slinks between the girls putting his arms around them pulling them close to him.
"Ha-cha-cha! A magician never reveals his secrets. Besides, I heard you wonderful dames are putting on a great show tonight. Can't resist the opportunity now can't I, toots?", the wolf said with a grin. Jessica and Red scoffs and tries to break away from his grasp but to no avail.
"How about you hit the road, Jack?! We're not interested.", Jessica glared but Wolfie smirked.
"Oh come now. Don't be like that, ladies. I'm a big fan of both your talents. Let's say you two tour with me and make real showbiz happen?", Wolfie suggested as Red frowned bonking him on the nose.
"Didn't you hear what she said? Not Interested!", the petite ginger huffed bonking Wlfie's nose again. The wolf let's go of both Jessica and Red to rub his nose in pain.
"There's more where that came from, buster.", Red smirked but Wolfie refused to take no for an answer. He slyly smirked with a grin as he approached the girls.
"So refusing my offer, eh? No matter for we're bustin' out of this joint..", Wolfie said grabbing both ladies to kidnap them.
"HEELLP!", the ladies yelled until a familiar voice catches the trio's attention.
"Have no fear, Roger's here!", Roger said swinging on a curtain rope only to smash into a wall flattening him like a cutout standee. Wolfie cackled taunting Roger who is wobbling on the floor.
"So being the hero, huh? How about I eat you for your troubles, foolish hare!", the wolf said licking his lips as Roger shook himself off. Jessica and Red felt worried for their friend as they chorused.
"ROGER!", they said as Roger grinned to the girls with a thumbs up.
"NO worries, ladies! I'll rescue ya! Hang on tight!", the rabbit said as he was yanked by the ears by wolfie getting close to his snout.
"Hey! Watch the ears, bad breath!", Roger said kicking his legs in the air due to Wolfie holding him up. Wolfie had a sneer on his muzzle calling Roger's bluff.
"Not on your Life, pal! I oughta turn ya into a snack but I got a deal for you.", Wolfie said as Roger struggled due to his ears getting yanked.
"What's your offer? Go ahead and name your price! Just let my friends go!", Roger grunted as Jessica yelled at the wolf.
"Just what do you think you're doing to him, you brute?! Let him go!", the tall ginger yelled as Wolfie grinned.
"Relax, baby. I won't eat him. Yet.", he snapped his Jaws at Roger scaring him.
"Watch those choppers, will ya?! Ya givin' me a heart attack here!", Roger yelled as Wolfie smirked.
"I'm just toyin' around with ya. That's all.", he teased.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food?", Red rolled her eyes as Wolfie sheepishly grinned.
"Oh you're lookin' out for me. That's so sweet, toots.", Wolfie grinned.
"On with this so-called deal of yours. Make It quick!", Red demanded as Wolfie explained.
"This rabbit and I will put on a show for the best audience around. And it's an offer you can't refuse.", he said in a sinister voice as Roger rolled his eyes.
"And why not?", Roger asked only to see Wolfie open up his jaws revealing razor sharp teeth and snapping hard at Roger scaring him.
"Now you know why, bucko. Hey, you! Announce the act will ya? Chop-chop!", Wolfie demanded as Droopy in a deadpan voice nodded to the wolf.
"Right away, sir.", the hound said before heading off stage.
The crowd grew restless yelling and complaining on why Jessica and Red weren't out yet. They were unaware that Wolfie took the ladies hostage behind the curtains earlier. Soon, Droopy cleared his throat coming out the curtains catching the patrons' attention.
"Attention, everyone. There's been a change of plans for the evening.", before Droopy can finish, many men yelled in outrage but the dog kept his composure and continued.
"Remain calm, gentlemen. The act will involve Jessica and Red Hot Riding Hood. With the act Of hero and villain starring Roger and Wolfie.", Droopy announced as he left the stage. The curtains opened revealing to be Jessica and Red all tied up together in the center of the stage almost near the backdrop. Wolfie and Roger were at the forefront with mallets as the wolf chuckled to himself.
"Better do your best, rabbit. For tonight I dine on rabbit stew. The crowd awaits.", the wolf said as the crowd booed at him. Jessica and Red were struggling with Roger frowning at Wolfie.
"Fear not, ladies! Roger will get you free but for now, time to express my artistic outrage!", Roger said with determination as a Piano player came to a baby grand piano playing "Sabre Dance",. The wolf and rabbit pulled Out their sabres from out of nowhere dueling. The swords clanged like they were in a fencing match. Roger spun around slashing at Wolfie's attacks.
"How do ya like me now, pal?! Don't think of quitting are ya?", the rabbit said only for Wolfie to go on the offensive much to Jessica and Red's dismay.
"Just getting started, rabbit! I hope you get the point!", Wolfie grunted poking Roger's foot making the rabbit jump in pain.
"YEOW! That's not fair!"
"Who said anything's fair?!", Wolfie told Roger as he uses a mallet to smack Roger down to the floor as the crowd and the ladies gasp. Roger was In a form of a pancake until he went back to normal.
"Oh yeah? Two can play at that game! Try this on for size!", the rabbit told Wolfie using his own mallet whacking Wolfie on the head knocking some of his teeth out as the patrons laughed. The stubborn wolf laughed stupidly showing his remaining teeth. Roger laughed along with the two redheaded damsels. Wolfie shook It off and growled gnashing some of his teeth.
"Oh you long-eared ball of earwax!", Wolfie growled pouncing at Roger but missed as the rabbit jumped to the side poking fun at the angry wolf.
"Neener-neener-neener! You can't catch me!", Roger said in a singsong causing Wolfie to jump at Roger but fell flat on his face.
"Nothing can save you now!", Wolfie struggled getting up as Roger ran to the tied up ladies. Wolfie growled and chased after Roger.
"Oh no you don't! Get away from them!", Wolfie yelled. Roger stuck his tongue out at the angered wolf teasing him.
"Oh yes I can! Hang on, girls! I'll get you outta here!", Roger declared as Jessica spotted Wolfie with balled fists.
"Roger, watch out!", she warned in alarm. Roger trying to untie the ladies didn't realize it but Wolfie punched the rabbit square In the head leaving birds flying over Roger's head upsetting Jessica and Red. Wolfie licked his lips thinking of Roger in a stewpot as he went in to knock him out to eat him.
"Any last words, rabbit? Before I eat you up?!", the wolf chuckled with the crowd looking in doubt thinking Roger's gonna lose this battle. Jessica and Red didn't like the Outcome but little did everyone know that Roger had an idea.
"Well, yes I do.", Roger said as Wolfie rolled his eyes.
"Well make It quick. I got a date with two dames over there.", the wolf snorted. Roger then pulled out the boxing glove launcher . The rabbit pointed It at Wolfie causing the wolf to dash at him.
"Here goes nothin'!", the rabbit then launched the glove socking Wolfie crashing him against the wall with enough force to have some boxes crash on his head with the patrons laughing. Roger then continued on untying the girls freeing them in the process. Jessica and Red were excited to see Roger group hugging.
"Roger, our hero. You saved us!", Jessica said hugging Roger until Red cleared her throat pointing to a dazed Wolfie. Droopy seeing two identical figures of Jessica and Red coming from the dressing room down the pathway towards the stage.
"Perhaps I have an idea.", Droopy said In a monotone voice as the trio were listening In. The dog had them hide somewhere while he approached Wolfie.
"Excuse me, sir. Jessica and Red are at their dressing room if you're interested.", Droopy advised the wolf. Wolfie quickly got up and ran revving up his feet thanking the hound.
"Really? Thanks, pal! I won! I beat the bunny! I beat the bunny!", Wolfie gloated running happily until he stopped near Jessica and Red thinking he has them to himself.
"Say, ladies. Where were we?", Wolfie asked slyly but was In for a nightmare of his night.
"Ahh, a man!", the ladies both chorused revealing to be none other than Lena Hyena and Red's Grandma who Looked less attractive than Jessica and Red though they try to mimic their outfits. Wolfie's face turned pale as Lena Hyena in a Jessica attire puckered up followed by Red's Grandma in her granddaughter's attire.
"Pucker up, lover boy!", the crazed ladies chorused puckering up with the scared wolf getting a taste of his own medicine.
"You're not Jessica and Red! Stay back! Stay away!", Wolfie ran off causing the two ladies to chase him down.
"Come to Lena Hyena! Don't be shy!", the crazed ginger said in a singsong while Red's Grandma followed suit after the wolf.
"I think I'm going to run away!", Wolfie whimpered running Out the door of the nightclub with Lena Hyena and Red's Grandma high on his tail.
With Wolfie now gone, Jessica and Red thanked Roger with a hug on both sides. The rabbit thumped his foot like crazy as Red spoke up first.
"Roger, you're a hero for sure."
"I agree. He's like a pillar of strength.", Red and Jessica said respectively admiring Roger saving them. The rabbit chuckled to himself before he became modest.
"Ah, it was nothin'. I can't leave you ladies hanging like that. Besides, it was funny with that wolf fellow getting a taste of his own medicine.", the rabbit remarked. Jessica whispered to Red for a moment.
"You're thinking what I'm thinking, Red?"
"Yep. He's going to love what we're going to give him tonight. Hee-hee.", the girls giggled and got out of their huddle smiling seductively at Roger with the rabbit curious of what's going to happen.
The crowd was wondering what is happening next while they were drinking their beers so to speak. However, Droopy came on the stage to announce the next act.
"And now without further interruption, allow me to present Jessica and Red starring Roger Rabbit in their song, "Let Me Be Good To You"., Droopy said in his trademark monotone as he left the stage. Soon, the curtains opened up with the piano melody as Jessica and Red were on either sides of Roger in his chair looking happy as some of the guys cheered for the group while others were a little jealous of Roger with some weeping like crybabies.
===="Let Me Be Good TO You" from The Great Mouse Detective=====
Ladies: Dearest friend, Dear gentleman. Listen to our song.
Jessica: Life down here's been hard for you.
Red: Life has made you strong.
Ladies: Let us in the mood, with our attitude.
Roger gazed at both ladies looking bashful with his feet thumping like crazy. Thankfully, Red giggled by gently stopping his feet. Soon, the jazz band revved up as the girls continued.
Ladies: Hey, fella. The time is right!
Jessica: Get ready!
Red: Tonight's the night!
Ladies: Boy, what you're hoping for will come true. Let me be good to you.
Jessica and Red rubbed Roger's cheeks at the latter sentence as he blushed in bliss. The ladies giggled at his reaction and continued.
"Jessica: You tough guys, you're feelin' all alone.
Red: You rough guys, the best of you sailors and bums.
Donald Duck in the background at a table quacked in a snicker being a bit naughty. Until Daisy Duck smacked his beak clean off on the table. Same did for Daffy at another table as Melissa whacked his bill off.
Ladies: All of my chums. So dream on and drink your beer!
Red: Get cozy.
Jessica: Your baby's here!
While they sing that piece, Jessica handed Roger a drink of sorts (it's up to you what that drink is.) as the rabbit sipped on it while Red and Jessica rubbed his shoulders.
Ladies: You won't be misunderstood. Let me be good to you
Soon as the ladies took off their evening gowns revealing to be skirts with Jessica being purple and Red's being her namesake with a white ladies shirt under it.
"Jeepers! Wowsers! I can get use to this!", Roger said to himself as the patrons or rather the guys went bonkers while Daisy and Melissa smacked Donald's and Daffy's beaks off their face again.
Ladies: Hey, fellas! I've taken off our blues! There's nothin' we won't do, just for you!
The girls pulled Roger off his seat during this Lyric and all three danced to the music without a care in the world. The rabbit smiled ear to ear while dancing with the ladies. Soon, Wolfie spotted the three onstage not too far after ditching Lena Hyena and Red's Grandma and growled.
"GRRRR! I can't stand him! YIPE! AAAAAHH!", the wolf snarled but was roughed up and punched Donkey Kong style out the club by Bongo the gorilla bouncer and into the street where the cars turned him to a pancake smiling stupidly.
The song was building up to the end as the ladies readies to end the song.
Ladies: So dream on and drink your beer! Get cozy, your baby's here! Boy, We're talkin' to you! You're baby's gonna come through! Let me be good to yoooouu!
Both ladies then end the song and cartoon with both double kissing him on Roger's cheeks making Roger dance goofily until he clumsily fell off the stage smiling. The ladies giggled at Roger's reaction as the cartoon ended.
"And that's a wrap, everyone! You all did great out there! Everyone take a break.", Raul said as Jessica and Red giggled at Roger's happy demeanor.
"Jess, you're one lucky girl to have him. If you weren't single, I'd take Roger for myself.", Red teased with Jessica smirking.
"You're out of Luck for this honey bunny's all mine.", Jessica giggled stroking Roger's face kissing him passionately. Herman silently smirked at his buddy while smoking a cigar.
"Can somebody get these two away from MEEEE!", Wolfie yelled in terror running away from the lovesick Lena Hyena and Red's Grandma. Donald and Daffy struggled to put their beaks on as the episode ends.
A/N: Well, folks. That was the 3rd short which I loosely based It off of Chip and Dale's short being Two Chips and a Miss with the innuendos ramped up a bit. Plus, the Disney easter eggs were Donald and Daisy appearing in the club and the song "Let Me Be Good To You from the Great Mouse Detective sung by Jessica and Red in the story. Plus, the non-Disney guest characters were Droopy, Red Hot Riding Hood, Wolfie and Red's Grandma from the MGM cartoons by Tex Avery. Funny considering Red was the inspiration for the creation of Jessica Rabbit who is my favorite character in the film by the way next to Roger. I managed to slide In Lena Hyena for this short to give her some Love.
Now an important matter, I recommend you read the author's note before this chapter regarding the next shorts. The real unreleased short I'm gonna work on is called "There's A Hare In My Soup". Special thanks to MenyDragon5 for helping me out with this short and the song chosen for this cartoon. Anyway, as always. LilMancub out and I'll see y'all in the next one.