Chapter 3
"Comrades."
Dark.
It's really dark.
The space, the vision, the ceiling, the ground. Absolute darkness dominated his whole vision. At least that's what he thought was happening currently.
Left, right, up, down. It doesn't matter which direction he turned. All of them were covered in darkness. Most people would be anxious and scared in such a predicament.
But he just stood there. With no emotions within his heart. It felt weird, natural, and terrifying.
He sees a light in front of him.
Automatically, he moves forward and tries to get closer to the light. But it kept getting farther away from him. What is this? He was too focused on the current matter when a dark hand manifested itself.
It chases him, the sharp nails it has looks pretty nightmare-ish.
It suddenly shot out, and thankfully because he was 'used' to such a situation, he dodged it and kept moving. On the way, he was... shocked.
Chris? What is she doing here?
Chris is standing on the path to where the Light was currently at.
He tried to say something, but nothing came out. His body moved on its own and he passed... her?
...What?
He tried to scream but it wouldn't work! He tried to reach her and bring her with him but his body was too scared to do so.
What is this?! He proclaimed to himself that he would protect her!
Chris! MOVE!
He managed to slightly look back and the black hand already engulfed Chris within its palm. Her face showed how terrified she was, and before she was completely engulfed by it, her eyes turned pitch black and her complexion showed a lifeless look.
His head focused onto the road once more.
Chris is gone.
Ceased from existence.
And he felt nothing, at all.
Devastating.
Sorrow.
Regret.
Grief.
Whatever the hell bad emotions he could mention.
His mind keeps telling him the emotions he was supposed to feel. But his heart isn't reacting. He felt terrified but at the same time, he felt devoid.
It was so overwhelming.
He kept chasing the light, nothing in mind, nothing in heart, nothing.
'What am I doing?!'
'What am I doing?!'
'What am I doing?!'
'WHAT AM I DOING?!'
Help.
Help.
Help.
Please.
I am begging you.
Please.
Help.
Help!
Help!
HELP!
HELP!
HEEEEELP!
He wanted to stop, to cry, to weep, to shed tears for the lost one. To regret, to feel sadness, to feel sorrow. But it's pointless, his heart feels dead, like there were no emotions in the first place.
No... emotions?
His eyes were shaking, but not from emotions, it came from the signal his mind sent him. Witnessing such a predicament, his mind automatically sent him the signals to feel emotions. But his heart didn't react at all.
His legs keep moving, his hands keep swinging, his body keeps in motion.
Another person appeared.
Aqua.
And he passed her.
This time, he didn't even bother to look back, his effort was pointless, he was in a state where he couldn't control his own body, his feelings, emotions, conscience.
He felt physically nothing, there's no pain in his chest, no burning rage in his guts, no tears from his eyes.
His soul was broken at this point.
He could feel the cold complexion etched on his face, blank green eyes kept pointed forward, lips apathetically straightened.
The light keeps coming closer. It keeps getting closer, the goal he had when he first arrived here keeps getting closer. And then Megumin appears.
On the sideline, in the darkness beside the road he currently ran on. She was standing alone there, eyes wide in fear and hands tightly clutched onto herself. And it was the same as before. But when he is exactly at the position where he stands beside her.
They appeared. Douche adventurers.
And he just passed by, with no intention to stop it.
He didn't look back, screams of agony were all he could hear. Cries, whimpers, shrieks, and his face didn't even twitch. The darkness swallowed them as screams and shrieks rang through the empty space.
And a brief period, they disappeared.
No pain, no regret, no shame. Nothing.
Fucking nothing.
Piece of shit.
That's what he is.
The light is close now, so close.
And he arrived before it, his surroundings are lightened up by this light.
His goal is already in front of him, and all he has to do is clutched it.
...but is it worth it?
Is such a goal worth sacrificing the people he cared for?
He rather gets engulfed by the hand rather than witnessing such scenes. He rather felt broken and hurt than feeling nothing. He rather… he rather… he rather…
He turned his back to the light. This temporary comfort, this piece of shit isn't worth it.
What is he doing?
Why didn't he stop?
Why didn't he grab it?
Why didn't he stop?
Why didn't he grab it?
Why didn't he…
Why didn't he…
Stop.
The light is glowing brighter, but he didn't even notice it anymore. This light was his goal, but is it worth the pain he felt?
The light he turned his back to appeared before him, it's in front of him. Its light is warm, comforting, it brings peace upon him. It's like pulling him to embrace it.
This thing before him was his goal, and he genuinely, extremely, very, really, hates it.
A hand penetrates his chest, and the recently acquired memories flashed before his eyes. At the end of his life, he felt nothing at all.
He witnessed such scenes.
And he felt nothing.
In the end, he lost everything. His companions, his goal, ...
And himself.
What a tragedy.
"Urgkh…"
Shooting up from the mattress, his body is shaking, eyes slightly wide and hands tightly clutched to the blanket. He feels shaken, sweats furiously streaming down through his pale skin, he feels dizzy, confused, and fearful.
He heavily breathes a couple of times before clutching his head, gaze looking down and heart tangled. Vision spinning and lips locked.
'C-Calm down…'
Countless thoughts run through his head, and a sudden realization hits him.
He didn't even scream after witnessing such a predicament. Is this humane?
Is it him?
Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts…
He wanted to scream, to let them all go, but he couldn't. His emotions aren't at their peak enough for him to genuinely perform it. He shook his head and stood up from the mattress. He strides before the mirror and stares at the current him.
Green eyes hazy with bags under them, hair in disarray, skin pale, and glistening sweats illuminated by the moon running through his skin.
"I…"
He placed his palm on the surface of the mirror, trying to stare at his pathetic self so tears would come out. But nothing, only slight discomfort within his guts. Come on. Come on. Come on!
He punched himself in the face, leaving a nasty bruise on his face. Pain! Pain brings tears. But what he got in return isn't what he wanted. No, instead, all he got was a bruised face that will get questioned by Chris later.
Chris…
Ah, yes, Chris, Aqua, and Megumin. Instead of searching for them frantically after such a dream, he merely stares at himself in the mirror and tries to feel what the majority of people often felt.
Who said it was only a dream? It could be that he woke up and all of them are real. But no, his heart is cold and denied such a thing. His heart told him that such nonsense wouldn't happen in real life.
'Tsk…'
He wanted to feel them! Terrified, scared, sorrowful, pain. But all he felt was slight discomfort…
Is this what he called 'Alright'?
'Inclined'?
"Let's… let's just forget it and pretend nothing happened…"
Rubbing the sore spot he punched recently, he looked at himself in the mirror before smiling pitifully, a sigh 'full' of remorse coming out from his parted lips.
"Ahaa… it was supposed to hurt so bad but all I could feel was slight discomfort…"
A sudden thought, and he knew there's something wrong with him.
'Well, at least I wouldn't have given a fuck about those twisted nobles after I killed them…'
He chuckled. Ah, what a mess he is. Welp.
What a life!
As he said, he got used to such a thing.
'At the very least, I wouldn't feel regret after I killed to protect them.'
But there's one thing that is clear as the tranquil river for him. From such a dream, he feared them all, but there's one thing.
One certain thing, so certain he even doubted for such a predicament to actually happen.
And what is that?
It's the fact that he actually abandoned them.
He wouldn't give up his companions. Not now, not tomorrow, and certainly not in the future. If one day they have to face such a predicament. He could even throw himself to make an escape route for them.
He already died once.
Dying again wouldn't affect him that much, right?
...
...
...
'...what a devastating fate.'
A pair of glimmering green eyes stared at themselves in the mirror. And the room turned dark.
"First mission with our newly 4 members party. I couldn't help but be enthusiastic about it."
"Can I cast my spell?! Can I? Can I?"
"Hohoho… later little girl, don't fret, as I, the apex of all priests is with you."
"Hmph! I'm not a little girl you bimbo! I'm an adult!"
"W-Wha…. W-Who teaches you such a vulgar word?! It's Kazuma isn't it?! Kazuma! Come out right now!"
"N-No! Certainly not the person who saved me…"
"...Haah, not even a minute and chaos has already formed within this party. What an exciting life I live!"
Adjusting the belt on his pants, he looked up and saw the chattering people he called companions. One a screw loose, one full of complications, and one he had yet to know. This party is certainly unique.
"Aha! There you are, Boy."
What now? The Screw Loose created a new nickname for him? He's impressed, he lets her know that by a smirk he sent her. Impressively, she caught it and sent a wink.
They are partners, alright!
"HEY YOU PERVERT! What things have you taught this little girl!? Such a pure soul, and yet you soiled it… like you did to me! Pay for your sins! God's Requ-"
And as always, she wasted her time on her 'chants' and if he's a real enemy, she will immediately get beaten. For god's sake, this girl… goddess… whatever she is.
He sighed, yes, sigh! She wasted her time too much on such a thing that she allowed him to sighed before casting a skill on her. A skill...
...she hates the most.
Humid Liquid. Extremely useful to restrain one's movement. Mana cost isn't even worth mentioning and what cost him to acquire such a thing is nothing more than a single skill point.
Amazing huh?
"I-I'm sworry… Waaaah-!!"
"Tsk…"
"It's your fault anyway."
"Shut up Chris, stop picking sides based on something that isn't valid. You haven't learned your lesson yet?"
"U-Uh… heheh…"
"Hah! That's what you get Bimbo!"
"W-What?! You loli! So mean!"
"Bweeeh!"
Megumin stuck her tongue out at her, resulting in him raising his eyebrows. Huh, and he thought this girl was a timid one. It only takes her a day to get used to the environment at such a party. Impressive. He gave her a thumbs-up, and she merely smiled goofily.
This girl is 13 years old, and could be considered as a kid. But her mental strength is sure as hell incredible.
"Let's… let's just go…"
"What about me?!"
"Uhh… Aqua-dono, here. Substance Removal."
A skill she used as a thief to remove any traces that she could possibly leave after doing some thievery. Who knows? Maybe she could leave a trail without her being conscious about it.
He inspected each of his party members, to check if something important was left behind or not. Hmm… Chris's pouch, check. Aqua… Aqua doesn't necessarily use items anyway, so nothing. And Megumin…
He stared at her blankly for a moment, which unintentionally made her self-conscious. Chris nudged him with an annoyed look and he sheepishly smiled, giving Megumin an apologetic look.
Gotta buy her a new set of equipment, he mentally noted.
"Let's go out."
"Finally!"
"Yay!"
"Hahah! This esteemed one couldn't wait!"
Ironically, they make him a leader without even realizing it.
"Aha! This piece of black fabric looks nice. Megumin, try it!"
"Hmm! How do I use it?"
"Wrapped it around your chest."
"Uhh… C-Chris, doesn't that look too… revealing for her?"
"Relax! She will wear this robe!"
"...It doesn't cover much anyway…"
"What? Scared of some stupid ass people who couldn't control their libido? Pfft... Seeing you alone would make them feel self-conscious."
"...what's that even supposed to mean?"
"Figure it out yourself, rockhead."
"...what?"
"Hohoho! Look at this beautiful scarf, such a fitting accessory for such a graceful woman like me."
He sighed, Chris alone is painful. Now he gotta take care of these three?
"Look at this red skirt! Oh, and this belt. Megumin, try them all!"
"Certainly!"
...Yep. It will definitely take 4 hours.
"Hmm… red or blue? Red or blue? Or pink?!"
...5 hours.
pain...
"Aww… this collar looks cute."
Meow
A crawling black cat tapping his boots with her soft paws, he huffed in fondness and picked her up. Placing her on his arm, he brushed her fur and it was kindly replied by her cute purrs and meows.
Well, at least Megumin's familiar, 'Chomusuke' will accompany him through the pain.