It was one of those days. Those days when the air seemed to stand still and the wind had gone on vacation. The sky was a cruel blue and the sun a blistering gold.
One of those days when if you went outside wearing glasses, they would fog up immediately. No animals were anywhere to be seen, not even the birds, and the village administration had issued advisories to the residents of Konoha, urging them to stay put indoors.
That meant that not even Guy-sensei could take his team outside for torture...ahem, training, without bringing Tsunade-sama's wrath down upon his head. But then again, not even Guy-sensei was insane enough to go outside during a heatwave. No, he was in an air-conditioned room, he, Kakashi-sensei, Kurenai-sensei, and Asuma-sensei, each pairing off to play shogi. To no one's surprise, Guy was losing to Kakashi, and to everyone's surprise, Asuma was losing to Kurenai. It seemed that just because you liked a game didn't mean you were good at it, as was the case with Asuma.
"Wonder what our students are doing..." Kakashi said languidly, checkmating Guy without even looking up from Icha Icha Paradise.
"Shikamaru's lazing around, watching clouds or sleeping," said Asuma, puffing on his cigarette. "And Ino will be at the flower shop, and Chouji will be eating barbeque, potato chips, barbeque and potato chips, or barbeque-flavored potato chips. Or maybe all of those at the same time." He sighed. "Kid's stomach is a black hole."
"No one's stomach is as much a black hole as Hinata's," Kurenai said, also checkmating Asuma with no trouble at all.
This statement made everyone pause.
"I'm sorry?" Asuma asked, blinking his dark eyes. "Kurenai, did you say that Hinata's stomach is a black hole?"
"Yes." Kurenai didn't even startle at the attention she was receiving.
"Could you...elaborate on that, please?" Kakashi's one exposed eye had, wonder of all wonders, stopped drooping, and another wonder of all wonders, he had put down Icha Icha Paradise.
"Yesterday, I treated my team after a mission well-done," she said, pulling out her wallet. "We went to Gutsu Gutsu, the restaurant that just opened last month in the business district. I was expecting Kiba and Akamaru to order enough for ten, but I was wrong."
She displayed the bill to her peers. Asuma's cigarette fell out of his mouth and onto his beard, lighting a tiny spark. He did not notice.
"That's impossible," he said. "Our monthly salary isn't that much."
"I know," Kurenai said. "This is what happens when you get a rich, aristocratic, traumatized kid on your team. Hinata's sweet and shy, and she would never impose. But the boys and I encouraged her to order as much as she wanted, and that money was no object. And this was what I had to pay."
"That happens with scrappy orphan kids too," Kakashi said, nodding as though he was very knowledgeable in this subject. "It's why I never encourage my kids to order as much as they want."
This statement did not make anyone pause.
"Ah, well, I guess you get one of these kids on every team," said Asuma, his beard still smoking. "For me, it's Chouji, for Kurenai, it's Hinata, for Kakashi, it's Naruto."
Then they all turned towards Guy.
"It's Lee, isn't it?" Kurenai asked. "Does he bankrupt your wallet whenever you treat your team, Guy?"
Guy's giant brows furrowed in righteous indignation. "My precious student Lee KNOWS the benefits of moderation in eating for maintaining a hot-blooded physique! He always eats the necessary amount for his body's nourishment, with plenty of fruits and vegetables. He loves all kinds of foods, and he never gets picky. He always eats EVERYTHING on his plate and he – "
"Right, right, we get it," Kakashi said. "Moving on. How about Neji and Tenten, then, Guy? How are their appetites?"
"Well..." Guy frowned. "Neji has a sensitive stomach. He has a deep love for sweet foods such as herring soba – "
"Must be a Hyuuga thing," Kurenai cut in. "Hinata loves cinnamon rolls."
"Indeed. Neji loves sweet foods and he has...a very low tolerance for even mild spice. Our team is working on fixing this problem," Guy said. "Especially Tenten. In fact, since they are banned from doing intensive training during this heatwave, I instructed them to work on improving Neji's weakness!"
Alarm bells were ringing in everyone's heads at this point.
"What...what do you mean by that, Guy?" Kakashi asked delicately.
Just then, Lee burst into the teachers' air-conditioned room, exhaling in thick, panting gasps.
Kurenai stared. Guy's xerox copy was covered in...something. It was red and goopy. She had no description beyond that. She took a whiff of the air that Lee had brought in and went dizzy at the pungent aroma. Kiba would have fainted.
Sweat (obviously).
Mustard.
Cumin.
Paprika.
And red pepper. Lots and lots of red pepper.
"Guy-sensei, big trouble!" Lee yelled. "The spicy eating contest. Tenten...she's insanely youthful. She...she...and Neji...I think because of the heatwave...anyway, he lost the contest...and Tenten did CPR...and now he's...please come quickly, it's...it's..."
"Okay, I'm gonna call Tsunade-sama," Kakashi said, smiling, opening up Icha Icha Paradise, and strolling off behind a frantic Guy, who had long since gone rushing away to save his other two students from...whatever he had made them do.
Kurenai and Asuma exchanged a long, deep look.
"We still don't know which of his kids is a glutton," Asuma said, finally batting away the sparks in his beard. "Neji or Tenten."
"You know what, Asuma, let's keep it that way," she replied, recalling Lee saying something about Tenten and CPR.
Yeah. She really didn't want to know. Guy's team was...out there.
A/N: Written for Day 30: Heatwave. And an experiment where neither Neji nor Tenten show up at all! Tell me how it went! I love the Konoha 11 sensei. Writing them hanging out together was great. :)