Did you miss me?
Well, sorry I've been gone from here so long, I've been distracted by, among other things, a trip to Utah for a family reunion.
After the movie, which was once again surprisingly enjoyable in its ridiculousness, Ford went down to the basement, and before he could forget about it again he constructed a force field generator to set up around the monkey's paw. Nothing too hard to undo later, or that would hurt anyone who tried to touch it-apparently lawsuits were painful to your wallet whether you won them or not-but still nothing that could be broken through easily.
And then, as he was finishing up, it occurred to him to wonder if the same kind of material could be used to help him contain the rift.
Ford pulled the modified snowglobe from the cupboard where he'd been hiding it, and sat back down at the table, turning it over in his hands thoughtfully as he considered the possibility.
He wouldn't be surprised if Bill was already looking for potential meat puppets he could use, now that he no longer had access to the minds of anyone inside the Shack, so a force field seemed like a promising option for suitable containment.
The problem, though, was whether it would be strong enough to contain the rift if it started to grow, or if the containment unit it was already in cracked and allowed it to start leaking…
He glared at the rift in annoyance. If it weren't for its presence here, it was possible that he would have become a little less irritated with Stan for his recklessness in opening the portal after a while. Of course, he would still have been frustrated about losing his chance to annihilate Bill once and for all with the quantum destabilizer, but...all things considered, knowing that he was back in his own dimension when he had never dared to hope for such a thing...and if Stan hadn't opened it, Ford would never have met the children...
Gah, emotions always made things more complicated, both his and other people's! As much as the potion had proved its usefulness, this whole situation had been so much easier to deal with when he was just mad at Stan, instead of having to know that he was hurt, or that he hadn't been fine after getting kicked out, or that he had been slaving away all these years with only one goal just like Ford had, or that his mindscape was plagued by deep-rooted, endless sadness-!
Eventually Ford's brooding became too much for his exhausted mind to deal with, and he dozed off in his chair.
He was awakened by a familiar voice calling, in a softer tone than usual, "Grunkle Ford? Grunkle Ford, you gotta wake up! It's almost time for tourists to start arriving! I mean, they don't really have that consistent of a schedule, but you oughta get ready anyway just in case, cuz Soos thought he saw some in town earlier!"
Ford felt a tiny hand poking his arm in a series of anxious taps, and his eyes snapped open instantly.
Mabel stepped back with a wide grin, and immediately both her hands went together behind her back, giving him a rush of deja vu. Next to her, Dipper was dressed in a miniature black suit, with his hair slicked back and an eyepatch clutched in one sweaty hand. Ford could feel his anxiety pulsing, with a little more uncertainty mixed in than usual.
…Did he pack that for his vacation here? And regardless, why has he turned himself into a miniature Stanley?
"Guess what IIIIII've gooooot…" Mabel singsonged, drawing his attention back to her.
Ford scrubbed a hand over his face tiredly as he sat up, and cringed at the realization that his neck and back were not pleased with him for their sleeping positions. "…A magical butterfly from the Mewni Dimension."
Mabel giggled. "That would be awesome, but no! Not even close!" With a dramatic flourish she brought into view one of Ford's lab coats, now white and clean, except for...some interesting decorations that appeared to have been added to the front. "Ta-dah! Dr. Mystery, your uniform is ready!"
Ford tilted his head, and reached out to grasp one side of the coat so he could have a better look. It appeared to be a series of red, yellow and bright green paint stains (the red being the most prominent), with liberal amounts of glitter sprinkled throughout. He raised an eyebrow at his niece, whose grin devolved into something a little more sheepish, as a trickle of self-consciousness crept through her sunniness.
"...Just thought they'd give you a cool creepy feel, like you'd been messing around with radioactive chemicals and stuff. Or possibly cutting up dead bodies for your experiments!" She waved her fingers dramatically, accompanied by an evil laugh.
"The others are just plain white, if you'd prefer that," Dipper added.
His knee-jerk reflex was to say yes, that would suit his image better...but something, maybe Mabel's eagerness for approval, made him stand up and try the coat on instead.
Like all of his clothes from before the portal (except the comfortable red turtleneck), it was tighter around the shoulders than he remembered; also, the paint stains were more garish than he usually liked his attire to be. However, it suddenly occurred to him that if he combined it with some of his long rubber gloves, and maybe a pair of large black safety goggles resting over his forehead…
Ford retrieved the items from the desk and added them to his outfit, then turned around to face the children in the most dramatic pose he could think of.
"Give my creation LIIIIFE!"
Both of the children jumped, instinctively grabbing onto each other. Mabel was the first to recover.
"O. M. G! It's perfect!" she squealed. "I am loving the mad scientist vibe!"
"Yeah, you look really cool like that, Great Uncle Ford!" Dipper agreed with a weak laugh.
"Thank you, thank you." He couldn't help giving a little bow, which made both of them giggle again. Then, as he straightened, he looked at his nephew. "...May I ask why you are dressed like that?"
Dipper flushed. "Um-I thought maybe...I could be your assistant? Since I know we gave you lots of tips and stuff, but...I kind of have experience with doing this, so…?"
"I told him he should've gone with a hunchbacked Igor, but he didn't like my costume sketches." Mabel pouted.
Ford smiled. "Despite the stereotypes, you don't need to have a hunchback to be a valuable assistant to a mad scientist. That was just a detail added to the 1931 Frankenstein that became perpetuated by future writers, and in that one the man's name wasn't even Igor-"
And then they heard Soos's voice calling down, "Uh, dudes? We got tourists on their way!"
Ford barely remembered to grab the force field generator off the table as he ran for the stairs.
"Have either of you checked on Stanley?" Ford remembered to ask the children; he felt a pang of guilt at not asking sooner.
"Yeah, he was still sleeping."
"Did it seem like there was any change in his condition?" While it was probably good for him to sleep as much as possible to get this virus or whatever it was out of his system, it would probably be a good idea for him to be woken up periodically to ensure that his delirium hadn't increased.
"No, but he was still pretty warm, so we changed the cloth on his forehead and put the ibuprofen next to him in case he wakes up."
"Good job." Ford pushed open the vending machine and stepped out, adjusting his coat.
Wendy, who was already at the cash register, actually dropped her magazine when she saw him. "Whoa. Paging Dr. Horrible, you're wanted by the Evil League of Evil."
"...Sorry?"
"Don't worry about it." Abruptly she raised her phone and pointed it at him, and there was a small click noise and flash of light.
"Did you just-"
"Nope!" The look she gave him while tucking her phone away was of the "butter wouldn't melt in my mouth" variety.
Ford just rolled his eyes and hurried to the exhibit area with the force field generator.
After he took the time to encase the monkey's paw in a suitable level of force field, Ford hurried to the door and, in his hurry, threw it open.
The cluster of people standing outside jumped, several uttering startled yelps, and staring at the stains on his coat in horrified fascination.
Remember, you're playing a part. Sort of, anyway; if they knew some of the things you'd done they really would see you as a mad-focus!
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! Please, come in, if you wish to peruse our unique collection of the strange and weird!" He allowed a slightly manic tone to slip into his voice (ignoring how frighteningly familiar it was), and gestured through the open doorway-where Dipper was now standing, holding a large bag with a question mark on it. In between now and the last time Ford had seen him, he appeared to have at least allowed Mabel to draw a large fake scar down one cheek and another across his forehead, and his skin had been made a few shades paler.
"Contributions for my-" he winced slightly at his own words- "master are most welcome."
To Ford's surprise, several people in the crowd laughed, and stepped forward eagerly to put handfuls of cash into the sack.
He allowed some of the tension to go out of his shoulders.
Now that he'd done this once, Ford had a better idea of what to expect from the tourists. That, combined with the list of instructions he'd written out and the monkey's paw no longer being something you could potentially grab and make an ill-fated wish with, made this tour go a little more smoothly.
Ford even found a use for the potion: since he could tell what everyone's emotions were, he could gauge people's levels of interest in certain things and therefore know how much information to give about them.
He still had to stop a few children from wandering off into different rooms, and once or twice he was stymied by tourists asking questions about exhibits that were Stan's work, not his, and he got stuck. Thankfully Dipper would step in for those, playing up the whole "servant to the mad scientist" thing as he did.
And to his surprise, Ford actually began to enjoy himself.
...Perhaps I could get used to doing something like this, he mused as they stepped into the final room. I could set up a false laboratory space, with giant Tesla coils in the corners and specimens in formaldehyde-nothing too dangerous, obviously, since we don't want another gremloblin incident, but something real without being too frightening-
"Whoa, what's this?"
One of the children had rushed ahead of him to a pillar in the center of the room, with a sign in blue and pink glittery paint that read, "The Globe of Mystery!" And resting on top of it-
Ford froze mid-step, as every drop of blood froze in his veins and a clawed hand wrapped itself around his innards and squeezed.
No no no no no this can't be happening this can't be happening I put it back in the cupboard!
...Didn't I?
Have to lock it up again, quick, before anyone-are anyone's eyes yellow?!
He registered that the girl was standing in front of the pillar, standing on tiptoe to get a better look-
"Get away from that!"
She whirled around in fright-and her elbow smacked into the pillar.
Tipping it to one side.
And sending the rift sliding precariously across its surface towards the edge, and the hard, unforgiving floor beneath it.
Oh, look at the time!
I really need to go do-um-nonspecific excuse!
Throws plate, runs away