The title is to be read in as gremloblin-y a voice as possible.

It wasn't like the movies. Everything didn't start moving in slow motion. Instead it was all happening horribly, horribly fast-too fast for Ford to stop it no matter how quickly he moved, as the rift started to tilt and fall faster towards the ground-

And then a dark blur skidded across the floor from the side, just in time for the rift to land safely in his outstretched hands.

Dipper sat up slowly, painfully, holding it aloft so Ford could see that it was undamaged. Seconds later he surged forward and snatched it up, cradling it in his arms and reassuring himself that it's all right we're safe Bill hasn't won he can't get in he can't get in-

Who the GROP decided to put it up here?!

"Um-sorry, everyone," Dipper's voice cut through his thoughts. "Dr. Mystery doesn't like people touching the Globe of Mystery. It's-um-we think that if it shattered, it would unleash a power that could destroy the world!"

Ford whipped his head up towards his nephew, aghast-he'd promised not to tell anyone about this, what was he thinking-!

The crowd gasped, the same as when they were looking at the exhibits, and one person asked guilelessly, "Can I take a picture of it?"

"No!"

"BUT-" Dipper cut in again, "you can buy one of the ones in the gift shop for twenty-five bucks!"

They barely managed to avoid the ensuing stampede.

As soon as they were alone, Ford picked up the sign that had been attached to the pillar and took a closer look at it, before clenching it in his free hand.

"Dipper," he said through his teeth, "tell your sister to come here. Now."

Dipper cringed, and Ford felt his stomach twist with anxiety-and, unexpectedly, a flicker of doubt. But then he turned, rubbing his nose on his sleeve, and headed to the gift shop.

A minute later Mabel skipped through the door, without a care in the world, with Dipper in her wake.

"Hey, Grunkle Ford! I can tell the tour was a lot better this time, good job-!"

"How-" Ford growled softly- "did you get this?" He held up the rift in a trembling hand.

Mabel faltered, and the sunny warmth was replaced by confusion, with a touch of alarm. "I-I found it in the basement, sitting on the table. I thought it was something you wanted to use for an exhibit, so I set it up for you-"

"An exhibit?!" It was all he could do not to lunge forward and shake her; as it was, he took a large step forward until he was looming over her, seething with fury and terror. "Do you have any idea what could have happened if this had been broken?! You nearly-!"

"Leave her alone!"

Suddenly Dipper was standing between them, all his usual nervous eagerness replaced by defiance.

"It's not her fault, okay?! She didn't know!"

For a moment, Ford's temper was drawn up short.

He wanted to snap that ignorance was no excuse, not when something this important was at stake, and in fact he was inhaling in preparation for doing just that-when he picked up on the children's emotions again.

Fear was starting to creep back into Dipper at what he had just done-you could practically see him overthinking his actions-but he continued to stand his ground, tiny fists clenched. And behind him, Mabel was huddled into her sweater in a ball of fear and hurt and rapidly-growing shame-

And, Ford realized, her eyes were very very shiny, and her mouth was trembling as she looked at him.

Something hard and uncomfortable dropped into his stomach, and it only grew when he looked back at Dipper and saw that there was a trickle of blood oozing from a scrape on his nose, and he realized that it must be from the boy diving to protect the rift.

Ford sighed, as the last of his rage trickled away.

"…Next time, please ask before you touch something from downstairs, do you understand?"

Mabel's head dipped in a tiny nod. She trembled more violently, and he saw the moisture gathering in her lashes.

"Oh, no no no no!" He knelt down to the children's level, setting the rift to the side, and pulled both of them into a somewhat awkward hug; to his relief, both of them leaned against him willingly. "…I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled. Dipper's right, you didn't know."

Because you didn't think she could be trusted with the responsibility. Brilliant thinking, Stanford.

You're not helping, voice in my head.

Ford waited until they were all somewhat calm before gently pushing the children back. As he did he saw that Dipper had scraped up his palm, too, which did nothing to absolve his guilt.

Mabel rubbed her eyes on her sweater sleeve, and looked over at the rift again. "...What's so important about this thing anyway?"

Ford's need for secrecy warred with guilt for a moment, using everything from muskets and bayonets to atomic bombs and tear gas, before at last he reached out and picked it up, showing it to her.

"...This is a rift in our dimension. It might look harmless, but if it broke open, Bill could use it to enter our world and destroy it."

Her mouth dropped open in horror, and he felt her fear rise at the mention of the demon's name.

"I've been looking for ways to seal it more thoroughly, but for the time being the only way I've known of to protect it is to keep it in here. It must be protected at all costs-and if anyone comes here asking for the rift, I don't care who or why, don't give it to them." He almost added, 'and check to see if their eyes are yellow,' but reminded himself that Mabel probably already knew about that from that fiasco with the sock puppets.

She nodded, looking at the rift with wary eyes. Ford stood up and put it in his pocket, intending to take it down to the lab and lock it up again before anything else happened, and then tend to Dipper's injuries-

"Wait."

Mabel was looking back and forth between him and Dipper with sudden realization-and hurt.

"You told Dipper about this, and you didn't tell me until just now? Why not?"

Ford flinched. "Um-I didn't-that is to say-"

This situation just keeps getting better and better.

And then there was a chorus of screams from the gift shop; among them was the sound of a voice yelling, "ZOMBIE!"

Dum dum DUMMM!