i've had this idea in my head forever, i'm telling you. i just never got the time to really flesh it out. but here it is.
disclaimer: i don't actually know how the presidency or secret service works, i'm just taking whatever i saw on tv, especially scandal
now, read, ponder, and enjoy!
Desire is a tricking thing, the boiling of the body's wants;
More praise, more hands holding the knives away.
-Ada Limón, Notes on the Below
"Hey."
"I'm quitting."
Snow was – well, not pouring – flurrying outside the window. Outside, the citizens were certainly hurrying to warmth, clad in the hottest clothes possible, cursing the weather. Without a doubt, the homeless was suffering, shivering in their threadbare jackets and torn pants. Almost surely, strays were scurrying under bushes and such, probably sticking their tongues out to taste the miracle.
None of them would know that their leader, the one woman who had their entire livelihoods in her hands, was still in her office. The office that had no corners, just exhaustingly round and round and round. Well, more like oval, but she wasn't elected to figure out trigonometry.
It was undoubtedly a warm office. Well-equipped with age-old heaters and rugs and several jackets and blankets lying around – it was her office; she had the right to personalize it however she wanted. Still, as warm as it was, the Oval Office was still a lonely one. In fact, the whole of White House was lonely, and she wished that her predecessors had at least warned her about this.
She stood up, holding the phone to her ear, and leaned back against the desk, watching the snow be free. For a moment, Lena Luthor allowed herself a moment of reprieve, and let the voice that had carried those words to give her a little bit of warmth.
"I forbid you," she replied.
"You can't forbid me."
"I'm the President of the United States. I can do whatever the hell I want," she quipped, smiling for the first time on this long day.
"This is a democracy!"
If it were any other people, Lena wouldn't allow them to speak to her that way. She was the leader of the free world and she had to act like it, which meant locking all her desire for fun behind closed doors and being the regal woman that the people had elected.
But this person on the other end of the phone, most likely calling from Delaware, probably hiding in a closet or something, was an exception. Lena would let exactly five people speak to her like this, and this seemingly nobody was one of them. Plus, she could use a little banter after the day she had.
Kara Danvers huffed into the phone, and god, even that little sound comforted Lena just a bit more. "Your husband is a menace."
"Ex-husband," Lena corrected quickly. "And he's not a menace. Otherwise, I wouldn't have married him." Kara huffed again and Lena hoped – she hoped that Kara was here with her, instead of bumfuck Delaware. "What did he do?" she asked softly.
"People think he's Obama reincarnate." Lena raised her brows, though she was well aware of public opinion on James Olsen. Once upon a time, she had been as head over heels for him as the rest of the country. "I mean, okay, yes, he's got a great smile and he's kind and he's kind of hot, I guess." Lena's brows rose higher. "But they don't know that behind it all, he's stubborn like a mule. And he can be so disrespectful sometimes. And he thinks the world of himself, which is kind of narcissistic for a First Gentleman."
"Ex-First Gentleman," Lena corrected again. "And you don't – you're Secret Service, Kara. You can always assign someone else to be close to him while you do the peripherals." At that, Kara went quiet. For so long that Lena wondered if the line had cut off. "Kara?"
"I didn't – I didn't want to disappoint you." Lena hummed questioningly. "You asked me specifically to protect him," Kara added, and the president could almost see the pout that she was sporting. "If anything happens to him and I'm not there…"
"So you're not quitting?"
"Stop bursting my bubble."
Well, that seemed to be the job now. Everywhere Lena turned, she was bursting bubbles. Because of congress and representatives and bills and the boring stuff.
Glorious speeches, she had made. Promises she had meant to keep. It was only when she finally sat in this office that she realized how difficult it could be to keep them.
"James is a good man."
"I know," Kara sighed.
"Yes, he can be stubborn. He can occasionally be so in love with himself that he doesn't see the rest. But he – James has a good heart. Beneath all that, he just wants to help people. And guess what?"
"What?"
"When you see him at the podium, when you see him winning, you'll know that it was all worthwhile. You'll know that he's worth it," Lena said, walking around the table and twirling the phone cord with her finger, unable to help but think about how James had looped her in all those years ago, so charismatic and handsome.
As much as she wasn't in love with him now, she still liked her ex-husband, contrary to popular belief. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to send a strong-worded letter to him when this call ended. Sometimes, James Olsen just needed to be put in his place, and no one did it better than her.
She sat down on the chair beside the table and looked out the window again, noticing that the snow had subsided slightly. "Don't quit," she persuaded. "Do this for me."
"I do everything for you," Kara confessed after a moment of hesitation.
"Please don't."
"Okay," the blonde easily said, because she did everything for Lena, apparently. "I'll – I'll let you go now."
"Okay."
Except she didn't. Neither did Lena.
Lena sat on the chair, phone to her ear, cord dangling. Kara was in Delaware. Paperwork spread all over the desk, where she made decisions that could make or break the country on a daily basis – sometimes, even the world.
She had a lot of work to do, but she didn't want to do them. Not just yet. It was late. The sky was crying snow. And Kara was on the phone with her, and Lena didn't want to let her go just yet. She didn't want to go back to the reminder of why she wasn't tucked in Kara's arms right now. Why she could never be.
"Kara?" she pronounced softly.
"Yeah?" Kara said wistfully.
Lena swallowed and braced a hand on the desk, ready to stand up. "Thank you for calling." She wished Kara could understand how grateful she was.
Kara exhaled sharply, audible even through the phone. "You're welcome, Madam President."
One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. Four seconds. Five seconds. Click.
Always, five seconds, Kara would hang up and leave Lena hanging. The raven-haired woman didn't blame her though. She had been the one who left Kara hanging the first place. Still, the phone remained against her ear, and she looked at the snow. Not just yet.
Secret Service agents were always inconspicuous. Hidden faces in photos. Unnoticeable on camera. They were, for the lack of better word, decorations to the main star. Presidents, former presidents representatives, senators – those were the main actors, and Secret Service was just extra.
Lena had often thought that was the package deal. That was their job, to remain behind the scenes but still be lethal. That was, until she met one Kara Danvers, who was strikingly handsome and wonderfully responsible and impossibly friendly. Kara Danvers was proof that Secret Service agents were people too, and they were capable of smiling and joking and laughing.
Normally, she wasn't the one to make the calls. But this time around, she saw a photo with James at a forefront, yet she only noticed the blonde standing a few feet behind him, stern and wary. And it was New Year's Eve, so she was allowed to be a little flighty, she decided.
Hence, she summoned one of the few people she trusted in this building, and waited impatiently until Alex Danvers came knocking through the door, a similar earpiece in her ear and clad in a suit herself. The redhead had an expectant look on her face, like she already knew what Lena had called her in for.
"She's busy," Alex offered.
Lena hummed and leaned back on the couch, still staring at the photo on her iPad. "Can we try though?" Normally, she wouldn't whine like that, but she had already downed two tumblers of scotch, and it was New Year's Eve.
Alex sighed in exasperation and fished out her personal phone, though Lena could see the small smile on her lips. Other than Sam, Alex was pretty much her best friend in the White House. It helped that the State Secretary and this Secret Service agent was secretly seeing each other; they didn't have as much reservation as Lena did.
A moment. Two moments. And Alex said, "She wants to talk to you." Without further ado, she passed the phone to Lena and promptly left the room, giving Lena the privilege of privacy.
"Hi."
"Hey," Kara breathed, and Lena closed her eyes. "Is everything okay?"
Her fingers trembled as they extended towards the screen, brushing over Kara's face that could fit on one thumb. There once was a time when she could hold Kara's face in her hands and feel the skin and flesh there, though she never did allow herself that privilege either. Now, she was left with…this.
"You looked very handsome in Delaware," she offered, inhibitions dropping at the voice and the alcohol. "I almost forgot how attractive you are."
There was a prolonged moment of silence. "I never forgot you," the blonde answered softly. "Well, I guess it's also because I see you everywhere nowadays." Lena smiled at the attempted joke. "Then again, I don't think I'll ever forget you even if I don't see you everywhere."
The President of the United States didn't make phone calls like this. When she picked up the phone, it would always be a president here or a prime minister there on the other end of the line. Prior to a call, her Chief of Staff would enter and provide a briefing, alongside whoever was necessary. The Secret Service would be listening to those calls, noting them down for transcripts and potential safety purposes.
Being the leader of a country – this particular country, especially – meant that privacy was thrown out the window the moment the polls declared the winner. She stepped onto that stage eight years ago and could almost her personal life dissolving, replaced by a purpose to steer this country in a better direction.
But this phone call was without a purpose whatsoever. She saw a photo and summoned Alex in, because she had almost forgotten how utterly memorable Kara Danvers was.
Suddenly, a ball rose up in her throat and she could feel the pressure in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered shakily.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
Lena wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and cleared her throat. "I know I'm – I know this is the most important job in the world. I know that. And I know that I have a responsibility to the people who voted for me. And I know that I should appreciate this job. This office. Camp David," she rambled, waving her hand aimlessly in the air. "But sometimes, I wish so much that I can look at you and not feel guilty about it."
"Lena," Kara pronounced. "There's nothing to be sorry about." Lena squeezed her eyes closed, because she didn't deserve Kara's kindness. "You are the first female President of the United States. And you have done more than your predecessors had. I mean, you shut down Gitmo," Kara listed, sounding only proud and happy and not a hint of resentment. "Trust me, the American people are proud of you. I am so proud of you."
The president took a deep breath and watched as the Times Square Ball lit up on television. "Can I ask you something?"
"What is it?"
"Can you let me go?"
There wasn't even a moment of hesitation before Kara scoffed and chuckled mirthlessly. "President of the United States, but still an idiot," she murmured fondly, and Lena almost took offense at that. "Lena, the best thing that has ever happened to me is meeting you eight years ago. How can you ask me to forget the best thing?"
"I've hurt you."
"You could never," Kara reassured her. "As long as you're alive and you're doing good things in that big house, I'm good."
Kara was too good to be true. Except she was true. And here she was on the phone with Lena, loyal as ever, even when she knew that they couldn't do anything about it.
Countdown began on the television. And Lena counted with them quietly. The ball dropped. Fireworks exploded on screen and outside the window. And Lena was alone in Camp David, with Secret Service agents as company and her family sequestered away in the cabin, giving her a moment alone.
"Happy New Year, Kara."
"Happy New Year, Lena."
They didn't hang up. Kara stayed on the phone with the raven-haired woman and they talked about the stupidest stuff. Ugly sweaters. James' narcissism. The best turkey they'd ever tasted. It was almost enough for Lena to think that this was normal, that Kara was hers.
All the while, Lena wished that she could kiss Kara on this new year.
Eventually, she fell asleep on the couch in the study. When she woke up, the phone was gone and there was drool on the cushion she had relaxed against, and on the coffee table was a glass of water and a banana. It was the banana that told her that Kara must have talked to Alex sometime after she'd fallen asleep. Kara loved bananas.
Lena stared at the picture displayed on the iPad with horror, made worse only by the heat permeating the office. The entire fucking White House. Summer was the worst.
"This cannot be my legacy," she complained, fingers massaging her temple.
"It won't be," Kara reassured her, probably off in National City for the summer break.
"It was sophomore year. In college!" Kara hummed. "I should be allowed to have fun in college!" Kara hummed. "Why is it such a big deal?"
"Probably because James had hair in that picture."
"Kara, be serious."
"You look good in this picture," Kara offered, but Lena could imagine the jealousy framing her face.
This morning had been chaos.
Somehow, nice people on the internet had managed to dig up an old college photo of hers, dressed in a barebacked dress and clearly holding a pint of beer with a cigarette between her fingers. It was definitely a party, what with the disco ball in the background and the girl vomiting to the right. What was worse was that she was definitely vigorously making out with James.
The headlines were just as salacious. POTUS Po dunked. Madam President, Look At You. Started from the bottom and now we're in the White House. If James had been the president instead of her, she would bet her entire life savings that the news cycle wouldn't even care. The fact that this made it onto CNN only made it all the more fucked up.
"I have two months left of my presidency and this will be my legacy," she muttered, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Oh, come on. The people are smarter than that."
"They voted for Trump."
"And you put that stinking orange face in prison."
"Did James say anything?"
"He laughed."
"Of course he did. He got so lucky that night," Lena grumbled.
"Lena?"
"Yeah?"
Kara inhaled so loud that it could heard over the phone. "I understand that he was your college sweetheart. I get that you were married to him. I am aware that you two had been intimate," she ranted a little aggressively. "But I don't want to know."
"Oh, right, I'm – I'm sorry," she muttered, still unable to look away from the photo.
It was like some kind of Pavlovian response or some shit. She just couldn't look away, from her face smack dab on her ex-husband's face. Life used to be so much simpler back then.
"You're gonna be okay," Kara said. "Your approval ratings are off the charts. Better than anyone else I've ever seen. Your achievements are undeniable. This is just a blemish. It will not be your legacy."
"How did they even find this photo?" she exclaimed.
"You really do look good though. Do you still have that dress?"
Here they were, eight years down the line. So much had been done, and quite a few projects had failed, but she was satisfied nonetheless. Those projects could continue as she worked with her foundation in the future.
Eight years, and Samantha Arias was the second female President of the United States in a row, and Lena Luthor was…retired. Her approval ratings were in the right side of 80%. People were actually crying when she made final speech, encouraging the people to have hope, to continue the path of good, and to believe in this country as she had done.
Sam was somewhere doing president-elect stuff, and the staff was gracious enough to let her have a moment alone in the Oval Office. A room that she could no longer call hers the moment she walked out of the White House.
She stared at the portraits of past presidents and cursed them for making it seem so easy. She curled on the armchair that she loved to bits, thanking it quietly for many a drunken stupor when she hit snag during her presidency. She sat behind the desk and remembered the arguments that led to bills and her visions coming true.
Most importantly, she spent the longest time staring at the phone that had tied her over with late night calls with the woman she didn't think she would ever love as much as she did now. That phone, old-fashioned and inconvenient, had done her the greatest service.
She gazed at it for so long that she jumped and maybe even yelped when it started ringing. What? Who the hell could be calling? It was supposed to be empty. And she was done. Still, she picked it up warily and put it to her ear.
"Hello?"
"Good afternoon, Madam President." She sagged in her chair at that voice, immensely grateful for this last service. "How are you on this fine day?"
She smiled at the cheeky words. "Exhausted. But good. I'm retired," she offered.
Kara scoffed. "You? Retired? Preposterous," she decided. "I'm proud of you, you know that, right?" Lena hummed in acknowledgement. "I'm so very proud of you, Lena Luthor, but that's not why I called."
"Why did you call then?" Lena asked with curiosity.
"Well," Kara drawled.
Then there was a knock on the door. Lena looked at it, expecting Sam to come in to commandeer the office that would be hers for the next four years, hopefully eight. Except it wasn't Sam.
A blonde wearing glasses and an impeccable suit entered the room, a bright grin on her face. Oh. Oh. Lena hadn't seen that face for two years. Not after the divorce and she had personally asked Kara to be James' protective detail. Goodness, that face, all so charming and wonderful.
Unceremoniously, Lena dropped the phone, the cord saving it from crashing to the floor. Kara's grin gentled into a loving smile. She pocketed the phone and closed the door behind her, standing at the edge of the carpet with her hands behind her back.
"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me," Kara queried, gentle and soft as always.
The two of them had met at the most inopportune time. Lena at the apex with a husband by her side, and Kara tasked with protecting the two of them, but mostly Lena. Over the past eight years, they had grown together, learning one another, falling in love with each other but never having the courage to say those words.
And for the last two years, there had been nothing but calls and calls and calls, missing each other from a distance and complaining about things that they couldn't tell others about. There were even moments of resentment, where Lena wanted to hate Kara for being so gracious and Kara wanted to steal Lena away to spend the rest of their lives together.
They had never touched in the eight years they had known each other, but always a hairs breadth away from each other if they could manage it. Kara was Lena's best kept secret, and vice versa.
Honestly though, Lena was a little scared at this moment. Because Kara was right there, and there was nothing keeping them apart anymore. No presidency, no duty, no responsibility to the people or each other. They could do anything at this point. And she was scared that if she touched Kara, the illusion would break apart.
"My sister and I resigned," Kara said.
Lena stood upright. "Uh huh."
"We tendered our letters once the ceremony was over with."
Lena rounded the desk. "Right."
"She's gonna protect Sam without the title."
Lena made slow steps towards Kara, hesitant but forward. "And you?"
"I – well, if you'll allow me…"
Lena stopped a few feet from Kara. "What?"
"I'm hoping I can do the same for you. Without the title as well."
"Yeah?"
At some point, Kara had moved her hands from her back to the front, fingers reaching out but not quite, like she was afraid too. Yeah, it felt right to be afraid, because that only made it more real. This was happening, it seemed.
In the next second, the two of them crashed together, breathing each other in and finally touching for the first time in eight years. Lena was greedy as she buried her face in Kara's neck, her legs dangling in the air and one of her heels dropping to the carpet. Kara caught her readily, nosing her hairline like she had been thirsty for years.
"I love you," Kara whispered into her hair. "I love you so much."
Lena drew back, but Kara didn't drop her. There was security camera in the office, for sure, but Lena didn't care anymore. She was no longer the owner of this office. She tangled her fingers in Kara's hair, unraveling it from the neat ponytail that she was always sporting.
"Kara Danvers, I've never loved anyone as much as I love you."
"Can I kiss you?" Kara requested with wet eyes.
"Please."
And Kara did. Eight years of waiting, and they were kissing. There was nothing to be afraid of anymore. It was them against the world, and Lena wasn't afraid. What was there to be afraid of when true courage would be right beside her?