Under Your Scars
The shower knob squeaked as it was turned to the right, cutting off the steady stream of warm water. Steam filled the tiny apartment bathroom as Marcy Wu stepped out of the shower, water dripping down her in rivets, eyes shut tight. Quick as a flash the nineteen-year-old STEM major whipped the fluffy green towel off the bar beside the sink, wrapping it tightly around her torso.
It was only when she was fully covered that Marcy dared open her eyes.
She wiped the condensation away from the mirror, brushing her wet hair away from her eyes. She popped open the medicine cabinet above the sink, removing her toothbrush and toothpaste before gently closing the door. As she cleaned her teeth, the mint of the toothpaste tingling against her tongue, Marcy ran though her to-do list in her head. A paradoxical mix of anticipation and apprehension roiled in her gut.
Today was hers and Anne's anniversary.
Marcy still couldn't believe it had been a full year since she and Anne Boonchuy had officially started dating. A full year since Anne had first taken Marcy's hands in her own, blushing and stuttering, asking if Marcy wanted to have dinner together that weekend. Not with Sasha as they usually did; just the two of them. Marcy had been stunned into silence, a silence that Anne had initially taken for a rejection that had her stammering out an apology looking close to tears.
Marcy's senses had returned to her just in time, and she'd practically screamed yes, of course she'd go out with Anne.
In hindsight it seemed natural that the two girls would end up together. They'd been friends since kindergarten, complimenting each other perfectly. Anne would be the one to look out for Marcy and keep her safe, while Marcy would be the one to help Anne with the schoolwork she always struggled with. Along with their mutual friend Sasha Waybright, they completed each other, made each other whole.
Granted there had been some… complications in their adolescence. Complications that were exacerbated by circumstances that most teenagers couldn't imagine dealing with. But in the end the three had worked through everything, coming out with a stronger friendship, a genuine friendship. A friendship that had naturally segued into romance for Anne and Marcy, with Sasha fully supportive of her oldest friends getting together.
Now it was time to celebrate one year of their relationship.
The day had gotten off to a great start already, Marcy waking up to find that Anne had already come over and prepared a full breakfast of all their favorite foods. They laughed and joked as they ate, finding simple joy in each other's presence. They talked about Anne's work and Marcy's schooling, and how much they were looking forward to the reservation they'd made at that new Italian restaurant for dinner tonight.
Marcy felt her face heat up as she finished brushing, spitting the foamy mixture into the sink. Their dinner date wasn't until eight in the evening, it was a little after eleven now, and Anne would be back from working the lunch shift at her parent's restaurant around two. Meaning they'd have almost the entire day all to themselves. And Marcy wanted it to be special.
After a year together, after a year of going no further than heavy make-out sessions, she'd decided it was finally time to take things with Anne to the next level.
Feeling that her hair was dry enough, Marcy retrieved the hair dryer from the cabinet. She closed the door again, and froze at the sight of her reflection.
Her towel had slipped ever-so-slightly, exposing a triangular patch of pale-pink skin just below her collarbone, extending to underneath the fabric.
Marcy felt her breath hitch as the memories came flooding back to her.
Memories of her arguing with her parents on that autumn day.
Running from her house in tears, screaming that they were ruining her life.
Finding the Calamity Box in the pawn shop.
Remembering the book from the library, thinking it had to be a coincidence, that there's no way it would actually work.
Then, the fateful decision: what's the harm in trying?
Marcy felt her hands start to tremble. The memories came faster.
Standing outside the pawn shop with Sasha while Anne stole the music box.
Seeing a blinding flash when Anne opened the box at the park.
Landing in a city straight out of one of her video games.
Meeting him. The "good king" who took in a confused and frightened visitor from another world. The man who housed her, studied with her, gave her a crossbow as a gift and taught her how to shoot. An adult who actually listened to what she had to say, who encouraged her to embrace her own interests rather than force his ideals on her.
Being made the head of an entire military branch. Going on thrilling missions and daring adventures, just like her favorite fantasy novels.
Then, meeting Anne again after so many months apart.
Marcy's eyes started to burn, welling up with tears. More memories, slamming into her like a physical force.
Feeling such hope and joy as she was reunited with her oldest friend.
Showing her the city. Introducing her to King Andrias.
Doing research on the Calamity Box so that the girls could finally get home. Just like Anne wanted.
Letting her go so she could spend just a little more time with her surrogate frog family.
Watching Anne dash through the streets, leaving Marcy alone.
Then, seven words from King Andrias that would again change the course of her life: "I have a proposition for you, Marcy…"
Marcy's legs trembled. She dropped the hair dryer and gripped the counter to steady herself as she tried desperately to get her breathing under control. Not helping was that the motion had caused her towel to slip further, exposing even more of that damned scar. The memories wouldn't stop.
Travelling across Amphibia with Anne and the Plantars on a quest to charge the stones of the Calamity Box.
Meeting Sasha again after so much time apart, who seemed to have truly grown and turned over a new leaf.
Lying to both of them about going home.
Returning to Newtopia with the fully-charged box in tow.
Watching in shock as Sasha and Grime stabbed them in the back and launched a full-blown toad rebellion.
Watching in horror as Anne exploded at Sasha, ending their friendship right then and there.
Thinking that it was fine, this was fine, they'd had their spats before, Marcy could fix this like she always did.
Working with Anne, the Plantars, Yunan and Olivia to free King Andrias and crush the rebellion.
Then, the moment everything came crashing down.
Keep it together, Marcy thought to herself in the bathroom, shutting her eyes tight. She bit her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood as her mind was assaulted with sounds and images. Not today. Not today…
Listening in stunned shock to Andrias's delusional ranting.
Watching the Calamity Box light up the castle, feeling the entire structure rise into the sky as a small army of robots seemed to show up out of nowhere.
Pleading with Andrias that this wasn't supposed to happen, this wasn't part of the plan.
Standing there helpless as Andrias coldly revealed the truth in front of everyone.
Desperately trying to explain things to Anne and Sasha. Sasha backing away in anger and disgust. Anne looking at Marcy with such hurt, such betrayal.
You did that to them, a voice whispered in the back of Marcy's brain. You tore them from their homes, their lives, put them through hell. It was all you, Marcy.
Fighting Andrias' robots alongside everyone.
Staring in horror as Andrias cruelly dropped Sprig to his death.
Diving out the window after them, whistling for Joe Sparrow to fly in and save them both. It was the least she could do. He was Anne's best friend, after all.
Returning to the castle with Sprig in tow, watching in awe as Anne laid the hurt down on Andrias, using powers that none of the girls understood at the time.
Grabbing the Calamity Box, using it to open a portal home. Anne and the Plantars rushing through while Sasha and Grime held off Andrias.
And then.
Pain.
Pain unlike anything Marcy had ever felt.
Looking down to see the glowing tip of Andrias's sword protruding from her chest.
Hearing the stone-cold voice of the man she thought she could trust: "Now look what you made me do."
Pain.
Using her last breath to apologize as her body went numb.
Pain.
Hearing Anne's anguished cry as the world around Marcy faded away.
Pain pain pain such horrible pain-
Marcy practically ripped the medicine cabinet open, grabbing her anti-panic attack medication. She untwisted the cap and, despite her shaking, managed to get a single pill out and popped it into her mouth. She slammed the cabinet door shut and turned on the faucet, collecting water in her cupped hands and taking a huge gulp.
Unfortunately, her rapid movements sent the towel tumbling to the floor, leaving that goddamned scar on full display.
An ugly, thick, jagged line of pale-pink, starting below her collarbone, crossing down over her heart and ending just below her right breast.
A permanent reminder of the biggest mistake of Marcy's life. A mistake that had nearly gotten her killed. Almost got her friends killed. Could have killed them at several points, if things had gone just a little bit differently.
Aside from the doctors she'd seen when their adventure in Amphibia was over, she'd never shown anyone the full scar. Not her parents, not Sasha, not even Anne.
In her mind's eye she saw Anne staring at her bare chest, recoiling in shock and horror from the sight of the scar. A reminder of the one who uprooted Anne from everything she knew on her thirteenth birthday and dropped her into a hostile new world that had almost killed her multiple times.
She heard Anne's words from all those years ago echo in her ears: "How could you?! I've been missing my family, my life!"
Marcy tore out of the bathroom, eyes shut against the sting of her tears. She sprinted to the bedroom and threw herself onto the bed, not daring to open her eyes until she had pulled the comforter over her still-damp form and covered her scar. Her breathing was heavy and ragged, her vision was blurry, her heart slammed against her ribcage, and a sensation of pins and needles settled in her hands and feet.
Marcy curled herself tight into a ball on the bed she shared with Anne. Sweet, kind, wonderful Anne who was hard at work right now, who would walk through the front door in just a few hours expecting to spend a magical anniversary with her girlfriend.
That thought did little to calm Marcy down.
She reached for her phone on the nightstand. It wasn't easy with her hands trembling the way they were, but she managed to pull up Sasha's name and hit the call button. Marcy waited for what felt like an eternity as the phone rang until, mercifully, it was answered on the second ring.
"What's up girlfriend?" Sasha Waybright asked casually.
"S-sasha?" Marcy choked out feebly.
"Marcy?!" Sasha's tone changed in a heartbeat. "What's the matter? Where are you?"
"Apartment. Anxiety attack. It's r-really bad this time…"
"Hang on, I'm on my way!"
Sasha hung up. Marcy let the phone slip from her hand and she curled up tighter, trying to focus on her breathing.
Several minutes later, Marcy heard the front door unlock and Sasha's voice call out: "Marcy?!"
"In here," Marcy managed to reply.
Sasha came rushing into the bedroom. The blond woman took one look at the scene on the bed and gasped, hand going to her mouth.
"S-sorry to bother you," Marcy said with a forced smile, craning her neck to look. "I-I didn't have anyone else to call…"
"Marcy it's okay," Sasha said right away. She crossed the room and laid down on the bed, wrapping her arms around Marcy and pulling her close. One hand went to Marcy's wet black hair, stroking gently. "It's okay, just breathe with me. Breathe, Marcy. In and out. In…"
Marcy took a shaky breath, holding it in.
"And out."
She forced herself to exhale slowly, the tears still falling.
"In… and out…"
It took several minutes, but the combination of Sasha's comforting presence and the medication managed to calm Marcy down. After making sure Marcy was okay, Sasha laid out a t-shirt and some sweatpants for her before heading out to the kitchen to fix her something to eat. It took every ounce of Marcy's energy to pull herself out of bed, quickly putting the shirt on first to get that scar covered. She pulled on her pants and shuffled out of the bedroom, moving at a slow and steady pace.
"Hey Mar-Mar," Sasha said gently. She was sitting on the living room couch, two bowls of mint chocolate-chip ice cream placed on the coffee table in front of her. "Hope you don't mind but I raided your freezer."
"It's fine," Marcy said with a small smile. She grabbed one of the bowls and shoveled a huge spoonful into her mouth. The pleasant taste of mint spread across her tongue as she crunched chocolate chunks between her teeth. "Sasha I'm so sorry for dragging you over here-"
"Uh-uh-uh!" Sasha said firmly. "I don't wanna hear any of that junk. You know I'm always here for you and Anne, no matter what." She paused to eat some of her own ice cream. "So… it was really bad this time, huh?"
Marcy shuddered as she thought back to her panic attack in the bathroom. "Yeah. I haven't had an attack that bad in a long time."
"If you don't mind me asking, do you know what triggered it?"
An image of Anne recoiling at the sight of Marcy's scar tried to force its way into Marcy's brain, but she derailed that train of thought.
"Well… do you know what today is?" Marcy asked.
"Your's and Anne's anniversary," Sasha answered instantly. She furrowed her brow. "What, did you guys have a fight or something?" Sasha's eyes widened. "You didn't forget, did you?"
"No no no!" Marcy said quickly, waving her hands. "No, everything's fine between us. And it's been going great so far: we had a nice breakfast this morning and have a reservation at the new Italian place tonight."
"Then what's the problem?"
Marcy paused, a blush settling over her cheeks. "Well… Anne gets home from work in a few hours, and then we have a few hours before dinner. I wanted the two of us to have a… special time together. If you know what I mean."
Sasha pursed her lips in thought, then her eyes widened and she smirked. "Oh I get you," she said teasingly. "Marcy you dirty girl."
Marcy gave a small smile and blushed deeper at Sasha's playful ribbing.
"So what are you worried about? Do you need anything 'special' to spice things up? 'Cause there's a shop like three blocks from here, I can tag along if you're nervous about going by your-"
"No, that's not the issue," Marcy said quickly before her face could burst into flames. She gave a heavy sigh. "I'm just worried about… this."
She grabbed her shirt collar and pulled it down just enough to expose the top part of her scar.
Sasha furrowed her brow. "Your scar? What's the big deal about that?" Her eyes widened and she winced. "Er not to say your scar isn't important, I mean! I know that it's from a major time in our lives a-and I'm not trying to downplay the crazy shit you went through, I just-"
"It's okay, I get what you mean," Marcy said. She sighed heavily. "But that's… kind of my problem."
"Uh, I'm not following you."
Marcy sighed heavily. "It's just… when you get down to it, everything we went through in Amphibia was because of me. I was the one who found the Calamity Box. I was the one who knew exactly what it would do. I helped you pressure Anne into stealing it, all because I couldn't face being alone."
Marcy felt her eyes start to burn, and she quickly wiped the tears away. "I didn't wanna be alone, and I ripped you guys away from your lives and families! I dropped you into a dangerous world, a place that could've gotten you guys killed! You guys could've died while I was off living it up in Newtopia!"
The tears welled up again and Marcy's voice hitched as she went on. "And then I lied to you both about going home! I-I just assumed you guys would want to keep going on adventures with me forever, I never even considered your feelings! I was so blinded by my desires that I didn't even realize a power-hungry tyrant was playing me like a fiddle! And he… h-he..."
Sasha's arms shot out, pulling Marcy into a tight hug. "It's okay, Marcy," she said softly. "Everything's okay. Just breathe."
Marcy took several deep, shuddering breaths. She could feel another attack welling up inside her, but the medication kept it in check. Sasha held her for a few more minutes until Marcy felt calm enough to continue.
"This scar is a permanent reminder of everything I put us through," Marcy said when she pulled away. She subconsciously traced her hand across the scar over her shirt. "It's something I'll be living with for the rest of my life. Most of the time I can't even look at it without triggering an attack. And I guess I'm just… afraid of Anne seeing it, okay? What if she sees it and remembers that everything she went through was my fault? What if…"
Marcy paused for a long while, looking down. When she spoke again, her voice was barely a whisper. "What if she realizes just how horrible I am?"
Sasha reached out to put a comforting hand on Marcy's shoulder.
"Oh Mar-Mar…" she said gently, a soft smile gracing her features. "You're such an idiot."
Marcy looked up sharply. "Huh?"
"You really think Anne's gonna leave you over something like that?" Sasha chuckled and shook her head. "For someone so smart, you can be pretty damn stupid sometimes. Anne is crazy about you Marcy. You should hear the way she goes on about you during our girls' nights. There's no way in hell she'd leave you over everything that happened all those years ago."
"But I was the one who-"
"And that's another thing! You're putting way too much blame on yourself for that mess. Sure you might have found the box but I was the one who convinced Anne to swipe it. And you're not the only one who made some big mistakes in Amphibia." She chuckled. "I mean at least Andrias tricked you. I willingly tried to start a violent uprising to overthrow the government."
Marcy rolled her eyes. "And look what happened when we stopped you."
Sasha shrugged. "Yeah, but hindsight is a bitch like that." She gently grabbed Marcy's chin to turn her head towards Sasha, looking Marcy in the eye as she continued.
"Look, I'm not trying to downplay your mistakes. Because you made some big ones, I'm not denying that. We all made mistakes, but we all owned up to them. We learned from them so we could become better people. And you're forgetting the most important thing of all: we forgave you. Anne and I both forgave you a long, long time ago. Okay?"
It wasn't the first time Marcy had heard those words, not by a long shot. But it didn't lessen the impact one bit. She could feel the storm clouds of anxiety that had been roiling inside her begin to dissipate. "... Really?"
Sasha smiled sweetly. "Really."
She yelped as Marcy shot forward to wrap Sasha in a hug, but quickly returned the embrace.
"Thank you Sasha," Marcy said, relieved. "I really needed this, you have no idea."
"No problem, Marcy," Sasha said, patting her friend on the back. "You gonna be okay?"
Marcy pulled back and nodded. "Yeah. I… I think I'll be alright."
"Good. Now before I take off, are you sure there's nothing you need help with before Anne comes home?"
Marcy opened her mouth but paused, the gears turning in her brain. She slowly smiled as an idea began to take shape.
"Actually… I think there is. I'm gonna need some rose petals."
Marcy's apartment was dark when Anne arrived after work.
This fact didn't surprise her too much; Marcy had a habit of gaming with the lights off, much to Anne's annoyance. But when she fished the key out of her pocket and let herself in, she was surprised to see the living room TV dark and the couch Marcy-free.
"Honey, I'm home!" Anne called out her usual greeting as she stepped across the threshold, gently shutting the door behind her.
No response.
Anne frowned as she shrugged her coat off her shoulders. Was Marcy taking a nap or something?
She was about to call out again when she saw them: rose petals on the floor. They started just beyond the front door and led down the hall towards the bedroom. The door was open just a crack, soft light coming from inside.
"Well well well, what have we here?" Anne asked herself with a chuckle as she kicked off her shoes. "Marcy Wu, you charmer."
Anne made her way down the hall, gently opening the bedroom door.
Her heart skipped a beat.
The lights in the bedroom were all off and the curtains had been drawn; the only illumination came from the scented candles burning on the nightstand, the sweet fragrance of lilacs filling the air. The trail of rose petals continued across the carpet to the bed itself.
Marcy Wu laid back on the bed, her upper body propped up on pillows with her arms spread out casually. The blanket covered her up to her chest, clinging to the contours of her body, the creamy skin of her bare shoulders tantalizing peeking out from where the blanket ended. Marcy smiled warmly at her girlfriend, giving Anne the sultriest gaze she could muster.
"Hey Anna-Bananna," she said in a breathy voice. "How was work?"
Fire blossomed in Anne's face as she opened and closed her mouth, which was suddenly very dry. "Uh… guh…"
Marcy felt her confidence ebb at Anne's stammering and she chuckled awkwardly. "Sorry, was this too much?"
"Oh no no, it's more than fine!" Anne said quickly. "I mean I was thinking you'd have something waiting for me when I got home, but this…" Anne made a show of tugging at her shirt collar. "This is beyond anything I could've imagined."
Marcy perked up, smiling shyly as she brushed some of her hair behind her ear. "So you like it then?"
Anne crossed the space between them in a fraction of a second, joining Marcy on the bed. She cupped Marcy's chin and leaned in for a long, deep kiss. Marcy returned the kiss with gusto, reaching up with one hand to thread her fingers through Anne's hair while the other held the blanket in place.
"I love it," Anne said when she pulled away, fixing Marcy with a fiery gaze that had her trembling in anticipation. As much as Marcy wanted to start tearing Anne's clothes off right then and there, she took a deep breath and held herself back.
She had to do this right.
"Anne," Marcy said as she sat up, still holding the blanket up over her chest as she looked into her girlfriend's eyes, "this last year has been the happiest of my entire life. When I'm with you, everything just feels right. You complete me in ways no one else ever has. You give me strength and confidence, inspire me to be a better person. I love that you're the last thing I see before I go to sleep each night and the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. I love you, Anne Boonchuy."
Anne placed a hand over her mouth, eyes twinkling. "Marcy…"
Marcy took another deep breath. "I know we've gotten pretty… familiar with each other over these last several months. And if you're ready to take things to the next level…"
She let the blanket fall. "Then so am I."
Anne's blush deepened as her eyes travelled downward. Marcy kept her face steady, some dark corner of her brain still expecting Anne to recoil at the sight of her scar, reminded that everything that happened in Amphibia was all because of Marcy.
But there was no revulsion, no anger. There was lust and desire in her gaze to be sure. But there was also passion and love. The same spark Marcy saw when she and Anne would get lost in each other's eyes while eating dinner, or walking in the park, or just cuddling on the couch.
Anne looked back up at Marcy, then leaned in for a second kiss. Tender and gentle but with a hunger and passion bubbling just below the surface. Marcy melted into the kiss, allowing herself to be pushed back onto the pillows as Anne climbed further onto the bed, climbing on top of her girlfriend. Anne pulled away after several long seconds, both girls breathing heavily, staring at each other with smoldering eyes.
"I've been ready for a long, long time," Anne said. "I love you Marcy Wu."
Marcy felt her heart flutter.
She wrapped her arms around Anne and pulled her close for yet another kiss. The third of many, many more.
Author's Notes: Wrote this a few days ago when I was recovering from my 2nd Covid poke, but FF was being weird and not letting me log in so wasn't able to post it until now. This might be the most mature and serious work I've written so far.
This whole story was inspired by a Tumblr post speculating how even after Marcy is saved and redeemed, she'll likely carry scars of what happened for the rest of her life. That in turn got me thinking of the Godsmack song "Under Your Scars," and things just kind of snowballed from there.
I initially thought about making this a Sashannarcy fic, but that felt too... clunky, if that makes sense. Plus I love the idea of a post-character-development Sasha being totally on board with Marcanne, as opposed to pre-character-development Sasha who would've flipped her shit at the very thought of Anne and Marcy together. I also considered going even farther there at the end, but got a few hundred words in before I was like "Yeah, I'm not really comfortable writing this," and ended with a literary fade-to-black instead.
As always, if you like my fanfiction you can check out my original fiction over at r/TheHughJarchive on Reddit. Until next time, peace from the heart my friends!