"I need something to chill me out, even at this hour of the night."

Don't need the snacks today, we have a more chilled out, far less stressful chapter this time XD

Enjoy!

There was more moisture on my face than between my legs by the time I had released myself, the tears continued to flow at my own act of disloyalty to Chris AS HE LAY LITERALLY RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

What was I becoming? I couldn't begin to think how I thought masturbating next to my own goddamn brother would be acceptable! And I had thought of HIM as the monster last night? He was a fucking angel sent from the heavens in comparison to me right now!

Oh God...I even watched him sleep the whole time…

As I watched his slumbering face I had rammed my fingers into me and watched him sleep as I did it and oh my God...As he slept within feet of me.

Wake him up.

I pushed off Chris' bed and left the room without looking back, easing the door handle down and pushing the door into the frame as quietly as I could.

Your brother isn't a Licker, Claire, stop tiptoeing.

I had left my phone on the coffee table before Chris came home, and I scooped it into my clean hand, opening my messages.

~ Hey, you awake? ~ I typed.

I closed my screen and set it back down; time to wash my sin off my hands.

Several cream sun loungers lay in perfectly spaced intervals to my left, each pair accompanied by a slightly yellower parasol and table. I paced about on the apartment's rooftop, my red dressing gown pulled around me, my toes kept warm and cozy by my fluffy slippers. It wasn't that cold, but the shivers of my own antics fought any ounce of heat that may have still survived in me. I deserved to be cold. I looked to the sky and, well, not entirely sure what I expected to see but it certainly wasn't stars, just a plane and...maybe that's Jupiter? I'm not sure. Stupid city living ruining the night sky for me. I should take a camping trip along one day to stargaze.

Take Chris with you. It will be cold in a tent alone.

Sleeping bags are comfy, I'll be fine.

You wouldn't be cold up here if you got back into bed with Chris.

I'm not going back down. Not yet.

Chris could warm you.

No, he couldn't.

You enjoyed that nightmare didn't you?

No, I didn't.

You'd do anything if it meant he could climb on top of you like that.

No. I. Wouldn't.

You want to feeeeeeeeel him, Claire.

No I…

"Oi oi, Claire! How do!" A voice behind me started, shattering my verbal battle with myself.

I turned and was met with a smile from Dave Brown, a neighbour from two floors below us. I forced a smile back at the tall, skinny man, he was easily head and shoulders over Chris...maybe six foot eight? His sandy coloured hair brushed his shoulders, probably would've been longer if not for those tight curls, and he had cheekbones that you could grate cheese off of. Unbelievable. He wore just a black t-shirt and sweatpants, he even came up here barefoot. He reached a hand for me to shake, and I knew what his plan was.

"Dave, we're on a roof, at some ungodly hour, who's gonna see this exchange, really?" I remarked. I still shook his hand, but I wasn't as subtle as he wanted to be as I pinched the plastic pack from his palm and thumb, and I pressed a few notes in its place.

"Fucking camera up here ain't there?" Dave replied, his eyebrow raised as he scanned the rooftop. At least that's what I thought he said. He always tried to flatten his English accent out, but sometimes it still eluded me.

"I don't speak Limey, can I have that in American?" I smirked. Dave threw his arms up, grinned and leant into my face.

You're doing this again, Claire?

"And you Yanks are any better, love?" He cleared his throat, "But there is a fuck-ing cam-ee-ra up here isn't thereeeee, Claire." He slowly reiterated to me.

"No. No there isn't."

"Well, fuck me sideways, there used to be!"

"It got taken down after that cougar from Number 2 complained when she sunbathed topless." I said monotonously.

"Ah, Nikki? She's hot. Them fucking knockers of hers got in the way though." Dave nodded his head and his eyes seemingly disappeared into the ether as he pointed at my own chest.

"Oh no, Dave, you didn't." I creased at him.

"I fucking did! Not the best shag I've had but, you know, live and learn. No wonder her man left her."

Hey Claire, there's a guy downstairs YOU'D love to sleep with, his name's Chris.

Not now, ok?

"Are you even seeing anyone right now, Dave?"

"Yeah, love, met this bloke at The Lion's Roar, got a massive knob too! Came keen, that did! Waiting for my arse to pucker again!" Dave exclaimed. I rolled my eyes at him and sighed.

I remembered getting Chris to go to The Lion's Roar a few years back as a joke...somehow he seemed to have been the only male in the city that didn't know it was a gay bar. I suppose you can imagine the response a man of his stature got from there. Needless to say, he hasn't been back.

"You really don't have a social filter, do you?" I chuckled. He chuckled back.

"I can't help being partial to a bit of both, can I?" He shrugged and looked at me quizzically, as if waiting for me to prove him wrong. Meanwhile I was trying to work out what the fuck he just said.

"You're bi, I get it. Suppose it makes your sea of fish bigger, right? And what do you mean by 'came keen'?"

"Bloody hell, yeah, love, more fish. Oh and came keen means painful." He smirked when he saw me grimace and visibly shrink my own ass inward. He began to rummage in his sweatpants pocket and pulled out a little tin. Sitting down he placed the tin on the floor and opened it, revealing little papers and some of what I came up here for.

"How have you been, then?" I asked. I saw him inhale sharply and raise his brow.

"Alright, love. Man U top of the Premier League, gonna fucking win this season! Only a couple of games left! Fucking knew the 2008/2009 season would be the one we'd clinch. " He looked up at my puzzled face and cleared his throat; "Manchester United, big football, er, soccer club in England."

"I thought you supported that Chelsea team or whatever?" I grinned as he shot me a look of pure venom. How dare I think he supported anyone other than his beloved 'Man U'? But Chelsea was the only one I had ever heard off from over there, initially, so I went with it.

He placed a crutch and one end and built it up, finally rolling and twisting the end. He held it up to me as an offer.

"On the house, love." He said. I looked at him stone dead, still trying to decipher that fucking accent, and eventually I got it as he gestured it again to me.

Oh? So you are doing this? You're going to smo...

I accepted it and took his lighter off him, sitting down as I toked. I immediately felt a warm breeze of calm envelop me as I inhaled, and I handed the lighter back over.

"Cheers, love, thanks. How's your big bruv, still being a wanker with a mood?" Dave asked, pocketing his lighter. I breathed the smoke out, the fresh green scent filling the air around me.

"I think he knows what's up now. It does look like PTSD. I'm gonna help him. And don't call him a wanker, I know what that means." I said, motioning the act of male masturbation on myself.

"Still a fucking twat." Dave spoke sharply.

"Dave I know you saw what he did, but I don't want to hear my brother being insulted."

"He fucking slapped ya in the lift, love! The elevator, whatever you call it here! I saw the video! How long before he tries to knock you out?!" He took a deep toke, "Fucking knobhead, see if my old man ever saw me trying to knock out my baby sis he'd fucking kill me!"

"My dad isn't here to do that." I responded, toking again.

"Ah shite, forgot. Sorry, love. Didn't mean nothing by it."

I decided to divert the subject.

"Why did you stop working for TerraSave?" I asked. He waved his joint at me.

"Smoking weed at work. Got caught and sacked," Dave said. "So I do security here, night shift. Except tonight. I'm off tonight."

"Such a good security guard that you sell weed to the residents?" I raised my eyebrow at his as I placed the joint back between my lips.

"I ain't no dealer, I just let you have some of my gear."

"You still sell it to me, therefore you're a dealer." I smirked.

"Hey come on, love, only covering what I paid, ain't charging you more than what I paid". He huffed back at me with a frown.

"Dealer." I repeated. He clapped my shoulder with his hand and laughed.

"Am I hell! Anyway, love, what would big bruv say if he knew you smoked this shit?" He gestured to the joint in my own hand. I looked him in the face and slowly inhaled it.

"He'd probably hate me. I smoked it in high school years ago and got caught. He wasn't impressed," I explained, remembering he had locked me in the tiny closet after I tried to fight him, "But since then I've had my fair share of green herbs. Some red and some blue as well."

"Well, now you're an adult, maybe he won't be so bothered. And with how he's been recently, he can't say shit to you. I'll sort him out for you if he does."

Jesus. How long has he lived here and he still talks like that? The Brit is strong in this one.

"He'd take you down in a heartbeat, Dave."

"No, fucking watch me, I'd give him a battering, the great big tosser."

"Dave I fucking told you to stop insulting my brother! He's not a wanker and he's not a tosser!"

Wanker? Tosser? They mean the same damn thing anyway! How creative of Dave!

"Just because you're throwing your own slang about doesn't mean I don't know what half of it means! I'm thankful for the weed over the last few weeks but just stop! It doesn't matter what he's done to me or what everyone in the block has seen or heard, he's still my brother, my only family and my best friend!"

I watched Dave, waiting for him to say something, but the only thing leaving his mouth was a thick plume of cannabis smoke.

"He knows he's fucked up, we literally had that conversation an hour ago! He has PTSD, his mind is all over the place! He's risked his goddamn life for years fighting to make the world a better place!"

I turned my eyes away, and stared at the moon low on the sea of indigo blanketing the sky. I took a deep breath, not of my joint, trying to find the words to emphasise myself.

"A world without bioterrorism, and several times he's almost lost his life! I can't tell you how scared I get when the radio silence is painfully long! I always make a point telling him how much he means to me every time he goes on a mission, just in case he comes home in a coffin!"

I forced myself to breathe once again, and closed my eyes. Heh. I can get as verbally angry as Chris, it seems. I spoke again, but lowered my voice to almost a whisper.

"He doesn't need neighbours and friends turning on him for something in his head that he can't control. And no, you won't 'give him a battering' as you say. I'd stop you before it came to that. I'd fight his fucking corner for him if I have to. He's my brother, and nothing will take him from me except for Father Time. We're both gonna grow old, go grey and wrinkly, become incontinent, maybe we'll both rot in an old people's home together. But that's the only way I'll accept having him ripped out of my life."

"Right, love, calm your tits. Sorry." Dave said quietly, gesturing his hands downwards.

We smoked our joints in silence, and I took bigger inhalations of the weed.

Hold on…

I looked at the joint out of curiosity.

Where's my inner voice gone?

" It's a bit black over Bill's mother's." Dave finally spoke up, pointing to the thick clouds forming in the distance. I glanced at him, expecting another translation; "It's gonna rain, love."

"Right," I answered, a new smile curving my lip. "Should probably head back in, then."

With that we both finished our joints, rubbing them out onto the roof floor, and stood up. We walked to the metal door for the roof and made our way down the first flight, and stopped just short of my own apartment. Dave glanced over my shoulder at the door, then looked at me with concern.

"You ever wanna chat then gimme a shout. Don't forget to get some snap, I mean a snack, before you go back to bed, don't give yourself the munchies. Don't be a twat like big bruv in there."

"Thanks, Dave, I won't be twat, and thanks for the stuff," I replied, shaking his hand once more, "I'll see you whenever."

Dave turned and made for the next flight of stairs down, before turning around and giving me a lazy salute.

"Turrah, love, see ya."

I silently locked the apartment door and instinctively went to my own room, before I remembered Chris thought I had fallen asleep in his room. I closed my own door, went to Chris' room and carefully laid myself down next to my brother.

Hopefully he won't smell the cannabis. But I need to talk with him. Maybe now, after his realisation of his own mental health, just maybe I should finally tell him about my nightmares. It's only fair, right? He opens up, I open up?

Well, I told him.

I told him about my nightmares. I didn't tell him the graphical details, but he had asked me if he hurt me in my nightmares, and I couldn't hide my reaction to his words. I didn't tell him to what extent. Maybe I'll save that for another day. The man has enough on his plate.

That fucking voice came back too after I woke up. I tried to fight it back...It told me again and again to 'show him'. I sat on Chris' lap, just like after we found out about Mom's terminal diagnosis, I didn't even think about it, I held his face and pleaded with him to never leave me. We fucking stared right into the other's eyes, and I knew he was uncomfortable, but I couldn't give him room! I knew he froze up right then, but I tried to play ignorant.

I also called Barry and explained everything to him. He was just happy that Chris finally understood what was happening in his mind. Now we can all focus and help Chris get better. Even with my own fucked up head, he's the top priority right now. I want him to be better. I want my big brother back.

But…

Before I got off his legs I kissed him...on the lips...and...he seemed to calm right down.

Why though?

Why did he calm down after that? Surely he would've been angry with me? No little sister should have ever done that!

It had indeed rained overnight after my little meet up with Dave, but now the sun beat down upon us, and the humidity that hung in the air was unreal; even the saunas in the apartment were of a higher preference to this!

We had reached the storage place about a mile's walk from the apartment. Why were we here though? Chris had been very quiet about it, and he had never mentioned a storage unit before now. We hadn't taken the stairs and stopped at one large shutter door.

"Okay, this is the one. Close your eyes." Chris said. I frowned at him but did as I was told. I heard him unlocking the padlock and then the sound of the shutter sliding and screeching upward, before hitting the top of the door with a metallic clack. I felt Chris' hands over my eyes and he nudged me forward with his body. Awkwardly I took little steps forward into the unit as Chris continued to gently push me with his body.

You're liking this, Claire?

Not now. Go away.

He's pressing against you.

He's GUIDING me.

Pressing against yooouuuuu.

Chris stopped, and I stopped with him.

"Okay...open!" He moved his hands away and I blinked my eyes at...wait.

It can't be.

Hayley?

My Dad's precious Harley Davidson?! My jaw hit the fucking ground with enough force and speed to cause earthquakes on a global scale.

"Chris...this isn't…" I began, my voice stuck somewhere between my throat and my tongue.

"It's Hayley the Harley, Claire." He replied to me. I stared at her sleek bodywork. But how could it be? I rode Hayley to Raccoon City on September 29th 1998. I left her there, and was devastated. I thought for sure my Dad's spirit would've haunted me forever because of it.

"But...I left her in Raccoon City…" I touched the leather seat with my fingertips, a touch I hadn't made for nearly twenty years.

"No. Dad wanted you to have her, you know it was in his will. But when it came around for me to give her to you she was broken. I didn't have time to get her fixed so I got another exactly the same and hoped you didn't notice," he slapped his hands onto my shoulders and rocked me about, "I was meant to swap them out when Hayley got fixed, but you went and left the other at Raccoon's Mizoil Gas Station. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before now. I'm sorry it took eleven years. I know how devastated you were at the time."

I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to. How was it even possible? What were the fucking odd?! After all this time I had thought that...Wait? Wasn't that scratch on the engine case the one Dad was looking at on my eight birthday?! Oh, how my emotions started to beat the shit out of me again!

"That scratch! Oh my God, Dad never got the scratch out! Fuck, she IS Hayley!" I released the emotion that thrummed within me as I harshly gripped the handle and seat. I could hear my tears tapping lightly at the bodywork and leather, and Chris lifted me up to sit me on the bike, facing him.

"I honestly didn't mean to make you cry." He confessed to me, a wry smile twisting his mouth.

"No no, it's fine, I'm just a mess of different emotions." I glazed down at the bike, and rubbed my hand delicately across the casing, as if my touch alone could turn it to dust. "I miss them…"

"I miss them too. But they're always here with us. They'd be proud of the amazing woman you've grown to be," He wiped my tears with the tip of his thumbs and brushed my hair behind my ears, "I know I am."

He's tooouuuuching yoooooouuuu.

"They'd be proud of you too, Chris." I whispered. I didn't get a chance to draw breath before he crushed his lips against mine.

Oh, Claaaaaiiiiire, this is what you want.

But…

He's KISSING you.

...

He is…

I placed my hand softly where his hairline stopped on his neck, rubbing my thumb gently on the soft hairs. This shouldn't be happening, surely? It's just a prolonged kiss on the lips, nothing more, but we're siblings, brother and sister, where the fuck do we draw the line?!

You're enjoying this.

Too much. Far too much.

His lips are soft. Warm. Delicious. And against my own.

Chris suddenly broke it off and mumbled an apology at me. I rolled my eyes and clicked my tongue.

"We're brother and sister, Chris, a fucking kiss on the mouth isn't going to give us a fast track ticket to Hell."

"That was for way too long."

I needed to try to mellow down what just happened.

"So? So what? You know we're close, what's the issue?" I shoved his arm with my hand.

"We'll add it to our list of things to talk about." He turned from me and began busying himself with a safe. I tsked at him again and jumped off the bike.

Hayley...She's right here...I never knew. I'll look after you, girl. I'll take you for a long needed ride out somewhere. Maybe I'll take you on that camping trip I'm thinking about having.

I glanced to look at Chris, he was still focused on something inside of the safe, absently brushing his mouth with his hand.

He had started it. The kiss.

Did he regret it?

Because I didn't regret it.

Show him.

Should I?

The song for this chapter is Sky by Sonique.

Massive massive thanks to Fangirl for the input on this one, Dave initially had a veeeery thick British accent that would've been illegible for almost everyone, so I toned it right down UwU Grazie!

I think from this point things are going to get...like I'm gonna tell you :P watch this space!