Sirius opened his eyes and instantly regretted it as the sun shone through the glass window blinding him and he felt a sharp stab of pain somewhere behind his right eye. His head was pounding while his stomach turned over with nausea from a combination of too much drink and not enough food.
"Why…." he moaned, shutting his eyes tightly again. He couldn't see a point in powering through his unfortunate symptoms when there was nothing of importance on his agenda anyway. He rolled over onto his side and draped one arm around Buckbeak's wing, resolving to fall back asleep and perhaps find a bit of peace for a little longer. Sirius might have managed it if the Hippogriff hadn't begun persistently nipping at him with his beak.
"Shove off, I'm too tired," he protested groggily, which was sadly the truth. His energy levels were greatly depleted after weeks of inactivity and total isolation. Nobody had been by headquarters in the longest time, as the Death Eaters' increased activity kept everyone busy on the ground with the resistance. Meanwhile, Sirius was left behind and forgotten by them all. Or so it felt. Even Harry had not bothered to write since he'd returned to school.
With nothing to do and nobody to talk to, there were days that Sirius didn't bother to get out of bed at all. He had taken to oversleeping as a means of passing the endless hours that seemed to make up each long and pointless day. The more he slept, the more tired he seemed to become. Continuing a vicious cycle that did not do anything to aid how lonely and depressed he was. Sirius could hardly believe that only a couple months ago he had been celebrating one of the best Christmases of his life.
"Buckbeak," Sirius growled, when he received a warning nip on his shoulder. But he was already sitting up, accepting that the creature was not to be deterred. The Hippogriff knew him well and their unlimited time together was often wearing on the both of them. Though Sirius had to appreciate the familiar animal keeping him in check every now and then. Otherwise, he might have stopped getting up at all.
"Fine, fine, you win," he gave in, as he swung his legs over the side of his mother's grand bed and stood up. His legs felt weak and his muscles were stiff. It was hard to swallow the truth that the only soul around to care if he ate or showered today was a Hippogriff.
Sirius went into the ensuite bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. As he stared at his reflection in the mirror he couldn't help but grimace. Perhaps it was a blessing that he'd been left in isolation, for he was quite an alarming sight at the moment. With dark bags under his eyes and the recent acquisition of a bruise on his left cheek that he'd gotten after a stumble down the stairs a couple of days ago. His clothes were wrinkled from days of overuse and already seemed too large on him. Sirius hadn't had much of an appetite lately and it showed.
"I'll be back," Sirius promised Buckbeak as he passed through the bedroom and out into the hall. His footsteps creaked on each step as he went down the winding staircase, and he was careful to be as quiet as possible so as to not wake his mother's portrait in the entry below. When he was four steps up from the main level, Sirius leapt the rest of the way and landed silently on the tile floor crouched down like a ninja. Practicing moves like that was one way he sometimes tried to alleviate his chronic boredom though he regretted it immediately as every muscle in his body seemed to protest at once.
Straightening up slowly, Sirius's eyes zeroed in on the long black cloak hanging on the hook by the front door. It had definitely not been there yesterday and Sirius's heart gave a bit of an excited jault at the prospect of company - any company. Even a brief exchange with an Order member would be a welcome reprieve from far too much time spent with nothingness. Though he still pulled his wand out of his sleeve as a precaution while he began walking down the hall in search of whomever was there.
Sirius glanced into the drawing room, the library, and the living room before he reached the small sitting room at the back of the house and discovered Snape and Harry, both fast asleep in a single armchair. At the mere sight of them, Sirius felt his elation at having people at Grimmauld Place, particularly Harry, rise quickly and then crash at the realization that the evidence suggested they had arrived a fair while ago and not even bothered to tell him. Sirius felt his whole body grow numb and as his legs began to wobble threateningly, he sank down in an adjacent chair.
His eyes were boring into Snape so hard that Sirius was surprised that Snape couldn't feel it. Despite all the growth they'd experienced as a single family unit over Christmas, the solitary months endured ever since had done nothing to alleviate Sirius's feelings of inadequacy. How it burned him to be locked up in his misery while Snape got to see and spend time with Harry at Hogwarts every single day. It made Sirius feel like an outsider in his own house and he couldn't look away. Harry was practically cuddled in Snape's arms and anyone who didn't know better could easily have mistaken him for Snape's own son. Not knowing what else to do, Sirius kept watching them and waiting to be noticed. Though it was several minutes before Snape finally opened his eyes.
He looked rather confused as he glanced around at his surroundings. Blinking rapidly, Snape looked down at Harry and then back at Sirius, who was still watching him without speaking a word. "What time is it?" Snape asked softly, wincing slightly as he tried to gently shift Harry more evenly across his lap so that his weight was better distributed. Harry's head was nestled in the crook of Snape's arm and it was so deliberate that it concerned Sirius to wonder what could have prompted his godson to seek out such comfort. He wondered if he had done this before.
"Ten twenty-five," Sirius told him, peering at the grandfather clock against the wall behind Snape's chair. "When did you get here?" He worked at keeping his voice even and unaggressive. Snape wasn't his enemy, he had to remind himself in order to resist the temptation to rouse Harry so that he would move away. But Sirius had actually come to begrudgingly appreciate several things about the man he'd so despised when they were children. Snape was hardworking, essential, extremely brave, and Sirius knew that he loved Harry almost as much as he did.
"We got here late last night," Snape answered smoothly, his black tunnel-like eyes looking calmly into Sirius's. He seemed entirely unconcerned about having been caught in such a sentimental position. This surprised Sirius, who had almost expected the Potions Master to jump up in alarm at being caught showing such uncharacteristic warmth. But Snape seemed perfectly content to continue holding the still-sleeping Harry while they conversed.
"We were meeting with Dumbledore, that's why we didn't tell you we were here," Snape explained calmly. "The headmaster was in quite a hurry."
A shadow came over Sirius's face. He despised the way Snape kept saying 'we', like Harry was an extension of himself. His child, instead of one they both had committed to caring for in his parents' stead. "You don't think what my godson needs to discuss with Dumbledore is any concern of mine?"
"I didn't say that," Snape's eyes narrowed. "Though I'm not sure you'd have been in any state to participate last night anyway." He glanced down at Harry as though to confirm the boy was still sleeping before adding, "I can smell the alcohol on your breath from here."
"And?" Sirius scowled. "I'd like to see you try and do better, Severus. Locked in this house with nobody to talk to and nothing to do…."
"I think I'd consider that a holiday," Snape said sarcastically.
Sirius stiffened in his chair and suddenly looked as stricken as if he'd been slapped. A holiday? This was merely a prison of a different form. Dumbledore holding the keys instead of the Dementors of Azkaban. A comfortable bed instead of a thin cot, as he constantly was forced to reckon with how life for everyone else continued beyond these walls without him. A holiday? The two men stared at each other confrontationally and then Snape's gaze seemed to slacken.
"I shouldn't have said that," he relented quietly. "Of course, I know you're suffering…."
"I'm losing it," Sirius snapped ferociously, tears of desperation burning in his eyes. He hadn't had anyone to spout off to in a very long time and Snape apparently had volunteered with his cryptic remark. "I keep saying I can't take much more of this, but nobody listens or takes me seriously…."
"Why do you think I made you the Polyjuice?" Snape replied. "I tried to help….and I can make more. So long as it's safe."
"Harry hasn't reached out once since you took him back to Hogwarts," Sirius said in a hurt voice, as though Snape hadn't even spoken. He hated how needy he sounded but there was nobody in the world he cared more about than his godson. The only family he had left, whom he'd been overjoyed to spend Christmas with, having fun and feeling like himself once again. It saddened him exponentially to not be in regular communication. It was almost harder to cope after receiving that small taste of freedom and happiness.
"I hadn't realized he'd stopped writing," Snape said quietly, glancing down at Harry who was still sleeping soundly. Then he looked back at Sirius. "His silence had nothing to do with you though, of that I am sure…." he hesitated and then explained vaguely. "He's had a very difficult start to the new term."
"How so?" Sirius asked concernedly.
"Well, for one, Dolores Umbridge discovered his secret defence group and tried to expel him last night," Snape replied.
Sirius's brows creased in concern. "Dumbledore was able to smooth everything over, I hope?"
"In his way," Snape said slowly. "Dumbledore took the blame and is currently on the run from the Ministry who tried to arrest him last night. He stopped in here briefly. I followed because I needed to meet with him and I decided to bring Harry along."
That was not what Sirius had been expecting him to say. A Hogwarts without Dumbledore was a very frightening prospect indeed. Umbridge was going to have free reign more than ever and the Ministry interference would only get worse. But Snape did not elaborate and silence fell between them once again. They looked in opposite directions, back at each other, and away again. Harry was still sleeping. Sirius thought this was strange, it was quite late already for a lie-in. But then Snape explained swiftly with no prompting. "We were awake all night."
"Oh," Sirius did not know what to say. He wanted details but didn't want to plead with Severus to give them to him.
"I just want you to know that you were right before," Snape said suddenly. "Back at the meeting we had in your kitchen last year when you told Dumbledore that Harry should be given more information as it pertains to him. I should have spoken up and supported you then. You had Harry's best interests in mind."
"Thank you," Sirius replied, looking surprised by the turn of conversation. It was still sometimes strange to accept now that they were on the same team. Though when it came to what was right for Harry, they undoubtedly were. They both looked at Harry as a fifteen year old to be protected, but not kept in the dark about the extraordinary circumstances that had been thrust upon him. They both accepted that he could handle much more than anyone else could ever imagine. He wasn't a child, although he was still very young, and they both would not have hesitated to walk through fire for him.
"Harry actually asked me questions that I didn't know the answers to over Christmas and I directed him to you," Sirius shared. "I knew you'd be honest. Even though you didn't speak up to Dumbledore at that meeting."
The corner of Snape's mouth twitched and his skin seemed to pale. He seemed to be grappling with something inside his head. Sirius supposed that it was still uncomfortable for Severus to be talking to him so candidly after everything that had happened between them in the past. It was strange for Sirius too.
Though his discontent often came from a place of guilt as he was forced to reckon with the way he and James had abused and humiliated the boy who had then run off to join Lord Voldemort. And how challenging was it for Sirius now that the tables had turned. He was no longer a popular hero, along with James. Now, Snape was in the position of power, held in high regard by Dumbledore despite his dark past, and respected for his many academic and critical advancements within the magical community.
"I didn't have most of the answers either," Snape said in a voice barely above a whisper. "That's why I insisted Dumbledore tell Harry the truth last night. I asked him to explain what was being guarded in the Department of Mysteries and the Headmaster obliged."
"Well, I definitely should have been included in that conversation," Sirius said tersely. "Do you have any idea of the hell I am going through? You say you do, but you don't. You wouldn't last a week with your own thoughts and nothing to distract you. You admitted that you could barely withstand the Dementors of Azkaban for a few days of negotiations. I endured them for twelve years. I've been left here alone and you get to sit with Harry, and console him, while he's told important things. Did you forget I exist?"
"You don't think I understand suffering?" Snape whispered coldly. "I've just returned from a night in the company of the Dark Lord and Bellatrix Lestrange. The things I'm forced to do….the way he likes to play with me…."
"I'd sign up in a heartbeat if it got me out of this house," Sirius said loudly.
His raised voice was stirring Harry. There was a tense moment while both Snape and Sirius glared at one another and waited to see if Harry was going to open his eyes. He didn't and their collective breath seemed to release in-sync. The last thing Sirius wanted was for Harry to overhear him arguing with Snape. The two of them had spent more time together over Christmas than Sirius had ever thought Snape would agree to, but he knew how much it had meant to Harry that they got along.
"I'm going to make myself some coffee," he announced stiffly, deciding to take a break before he said anything he couldn't take back. Sirius was halfway out of the room when he paused and then turned back around to look at Snape. "Would you like some?"
Sirius supposed it was the right thing to do and really the only thing to do if he wanted to keep going as they were. He much preferred going through Snape, then waiting for Dumbledore who always seemed to have somewhere he'd rather be than talking to him. Sirius took his time walking downstairs to the basement kitchen. Then he took out his wand and vanished the vast quantity of empty bottles that covered the table top. Waving it over at the counter, he began brewing coffee and toasted bread with butter.
"Oh, how his mother hated him….my poor mistress, she said he was no son of hers. A drunken blood traitor. They say he's a killer…."
"I thought I told you to stay out of any room I'm in, Kreacher," Sirius snarled, as his hunched over ancient house-elf skulked by. Kreacher gave him a look of deepest loathing as he passed through the kitchen on his way to the boiler room where he slept. Feeling increasingly bad-tempered, though he was appreciative to no longer be the only person in the house, Sirius loaded up three plates with buttered toast, in case Harry awoke. He had coffee for himself and Snape, and then he trudged back upstairs.
"I would leave but he asked me not to last night, so I don't feel right leaving before he wakes up on his own," Snape explained quietly, when Sirius re-entered the room. He sounded much more vulnerable than Sirius would ever expect him to willingly allow himself to be.
"Who knew you could be so soft," Sirius said simply, as he handed Snape a cup of coffee and set a plate of buttered toast down on the side table where it would be within his reach.
Then he settled himself back down in his own chair with his simple breakfast. He was going to make himself eat both pieces of toast no matter how long it took him. Concern for Harry was dominating his mind right now, the longer the boy slept. It was enough to help pull Sirius out of the dark hole of his own depression. He now had someone else to concentrate on.
"So Harry had a rough night?" he prodded, nibbling at his crust.
"Very much so," Snape replied, his eyes on Harry while he spoke. "He wanted to know what is being guarded at the Ministry and the answer is that it is a prophecy that was made about him and the Dark Lord before he was born. I told him that, but last night Dumbledore showed him exactly what it says…" He paused, looking worn. His fingers were curled around the handle of his coffee mug but he hadn't taken a sip yet. Sirius was staring at him unblinkingly, waiting for him to continue for there was definitely more.
"The essence of the prophecy is that the Dark Lord unintentionally marked Harry as his equal the night he went to kill him in Godric's Hollow. The reason he intended to destroy him was because the prophecy states that Harry is the one with the power to vanquish him."
Sirius dropped the piece of toast he had been bringing to his lips. It fell to the floor and he paid it no more mind. "Prophecies are just a load of nonsense," he shook his head. "Harry doesn't have to do anything like that. He's in this, brave like his parents, but no more should be demanded of him than the rest of us."
"The Dark Lord believes in it most greatly," Snape said softly. "And I'm afraid that its course has already been set. But there's more..." he took a breath. "The most important line of the prophecy states plainly that 'either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives'. The Dark Lord hasn't heard that part yet, he only knows the beginning."
"That's-" Sirius shook his head. "Neither can live while the other survives?" he repeated.
"Yes," Snape said firmly, looking deeply distressed while he stared at Harry. Sleeping peacefully like he hadn't just been dealt such a terrifying and seemingly hopeless ending. Now Sirius understood why Snape was holding Harry so carefully, like he desired nothing more than the boy's own comfort. For it was only dreams that he could escape this heavy burden. Though Sirius knew with confidence that when Harry woke up, he would be fierce and ready to fight like it was nobody's business.
"He's not alone," Snape said softly. "That's what I told him last night, and so did Dumbledore. Obviously Harry was afraid but he accepted it anyway because he's brave and knows he's surrounded by people who wish to see this through. That's why you need to start fighting for your life, Sirius. You need to be strong for him because where would he be without you? He needs you in this fight."
Sirius stared at him looking helpless and horrified. It was like they were offering up James's son as the face of a mission doomed for failure. Because no matter how much Sirius had always believed in fighting Voldemort and working to undermine his army, he never could have envisioned anyone going up against him man-to-man and having any chance at survival. Except perhaps Dumbledore. Yes, Harry had evaded death before but much of that was chance and nobody could effectively explain why. Sirius suddenly felt the urge to take Harry and run. Nobody was sending him to his death so gruesomely, no matter what any prophecy said the contrary.
"Severus, you and I swore to protect him," Sirius said heavily. "We made a promise to ourselves, and to his parents, that we'd keep him safe."
"I fully intend to keep that promise," Snape replied. "He's not going to die. That's the first thing I told him last night when he heard."
"I should have been there too," Sirius said firmly.
"Yes," Snape acknowledged, looking back at him with his dark eyes glinting. "And we must prepare because the time is coming soon that the Dark Lord will likely hear this prophecy entirely for himself. He knows now that only he or Harry can retrieve it, but as Harry is kept safely out of reach, the Dark Lord is now considering coming out of hiding in order to get his hands on the prophecy himself. We discussed it last night."
"Okay," Sirius muttered, his heart still felt like it was sinking in his chest as he stared at Harry and hoped beyond hope that they would succeed at keeping him safe.
"Sirius, think about it," Snape said impatiently, and Sirius raised his eyebrows at him. "Once the Ministry knows that he is back and starts arresting Death Eaters again, they'll know that you aren't one. You don't have the mark. Dumbledore will be able to prove your innocence. It's going to be over….very soon, it seems. You're going to be a free man again.
Sirius stared into Snape's eyes. They both knew what this signified and they actually smiled at one another for perhaps the first time in their lives. United in one goal, for the love of one boy. Sirius might soon be able to take his place in the public sphere as Harry Potter's godfather. What that would mean for their family and way of life, it could only be wonderful. The prophecy would be fulfilled by the end of Lord Voldemort, for there was no other way. Their family had too much to keep living for.