Friday, September 2, 1977
The muffled sounds of soft snores and slow, steady breathing filled the dormitory as Remus sat by the window, watching the first rays of sunlight fill the room with a warm, early morning glow. The room felt peaceful, cozy, and still, although Remus knew in less than an hour the quiet atmosphere would be shattered by muttered swearing and grumbling and something being thrown across the room. James's bed was empty except for his rumpled duvet, and Remus assumed he was halfway around the Quidditch pitch by now, dripping in sweat and reveling in the bracing morning air and the satisfaction of pushing his body to the limit. Remus shuddered, unable to imagine willingly going for a run, never mind enjoying it, but he liked the familiarity of waking up to find James already up and out for his run. It made him feel comforted somehow, like all was right with the world.
His mind became fixed on the thought that this was the last time they would all wake up in this dormitory together on the first day of classes. The future loomed before him, unfathomable and ominous. Where would he wake up a year from now, and what sort of life would he wake up to? Despite their frequent assurances to the contrary, he couldn't shake the nagging worry that his friends would disappear from his life once Hogwarts no longer bound them together. Of course they all claimed nothing would change and promised they would carry on after school as they always had, but Remus knew it was easy to say this now, tucked within the walls of Hogwarts without jobs and bills and adult responsibilities pulling them all in different directions. Would they still maintain the friendship when it took real effort to do so?
As Remus considered this question, his thoughts drifted to his own identity. He had spent so long as one of the four Marauders that trying to separate himself out felt frightening and wrong. There were moments, hours, days when the self-hatred crept in and he couldn't stand to see or even think about the person in the mirror, but for the most part he felt okay about being Moony, the quiet, studious member of the group who pointed out aspects of a plan that were stupid or dangerous but more often than not went along with it anyway. Remus Lupin without his friends was another story entirely. If his role in the group and the sense of belonging it gave him were stripped away, what would remain? Remus imagined a stretch of lonely, monotonous days, each blending into the next, punctuated only by the monthly haze of pain and rage followed by the bleak relief of exhaustion. The thought filled him with a consuming, suffocating panic, and he had to take several deep breaths while repeating You're okay, you're okay, you're okay to get his heartbeat to return to normal. He was just starting to feel calm again when he looked up to find James standing in the doorway, dressed in running shorts and trainers.
"You're up early," James said, plopping down on his bed and kicking off his trainers. "You all right? You have that introspective Moony look." He looked over at Remus, his hazel eyes bright with concern.
Remus flashed him a reassuring grin. "I'm all right, just thinking."
James made a face. "It's too early for that much thinking."
"It's too early for that much talking," Sirius muttered. His duvet was pulled up over his face but his hand peeked out to give James a rude gesture before disappearing back under the covers.
"Get up, Padfoot, it's our last first day of classes!" James picked up his discarded trainer and tossed it at Sirius's bed. When this elicited no response, he stood and launched himself onto the Sirius-shaped lump under the blankets.
"Fuck off, Prongs," Sirius protested, attempting to shove James off the bed.
James hopped down and returned to his own bed. "That's a fine way to speak to your Head Boy."
Sirius threw back the covers and heaved himself out of bed, scowling and squinting against the bright sunlight. "I still can't believe you're Head bloody Boy." He picked up his pillow and threw it in Peter's direction. "Wake up, Wormtail. If I have to be awake, you should be too."
"You got another tattoo and didn't tell me?" James gaped at Sirius's bare torso which
now sported an image of his motorbike just below the scar that extended from his shoulder halfway across his chest. "First you weren't going to tell me Evans had a bloody sex dream about me, now this?"
Sirius glanced down at the tattoo and grinned. "I got so distracted on the train I completely forgot to show you. Isn't it brilliant? Macdonald came over to do the Transfiguration essay but it seemed a shame to waste the last day of summer doing homework, so we shagged on the sofa and then she came with me to get this instead."
"You would," Remus said, coming over to Sirius's bed to get a better look. "It is kind of perfect for you."
"Isn't it? I was just thinking about how hard it'll be to be away from her all school year and how much I'll miss her, so I figured a tattoo might help." Sirius looked at the image of his motorbike, an expression of adoration on his face. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
"What are you on about?" Peter asked, still curled in his bed with his pillow pressed over his face. "Are you talking about Macdonald? You won't be away from her all year, you prat!"
"No, I'm not talking about Macdonald. If you actually opened your eyes and got out of bed you would've known that." Sirius strode over to Peter's bed and yanked the pillow away from his face. "Wake up so you can admire my brilliant new tattoo."
Peter yawned and sat up, studying Sirius's tattoo. "Your motorbike is a she?"
Sirius nodded. "I mean, don't you think so? She's sexy in a feminine way, you know?"
Peter shrugged. "If you say so." He thought for a moment. "You know, you should name your motorbike."
"I should, shouldn't I!" Sirius's face lit up with excited energy. "Why haven't I thought of that before? You hear that, everyone? That's our focus for the day, to try to come up with a good name for my motorbike. Good idea, Pete. That's why we keep you around."
Peter beamed. "I'll remember that next time you call me a tosser or make fun of my pajamas."
Sirius glanced at Peter's matching flannel pajama set which was patterned with little unicorns. "Well, now that you mention it…"
"Shut up, they were the first ones I could find last night," Peter said, blushing.
"They have bloody unicorns on them. Also, they're pink."
"They're more salmon than pink, I'd say," Remus observed, scrutinizing the pajamas.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're more salmon than pink."
When they all trooped down to the common room, showered and dressed for the day, they found Lily and Mary seated by the staircase.
"Did you wait for us?" James asked, surprised but pleased.
Lily yawned and stood. "No, we just weren't quite ready to go down to breakfast yet."
"You waited for us," Sirius said, grinning and offering Mary a hand up. "How sweet."
"Shut up, Black." She surveyed his outfit and sighed. "It's weird not seeing you in your leather jacket and some rock band t-shirt."
Sirius glanced at Mary as they all headed for the portrait hole and climbed through. "It's weird seeing you with clothes on at all," he retorted, then grimaced as she flicked him on the side of the head. "Oi! Head Boy, did you see that? Violence in the corridors!"
James shrugged. "I saw nothing."
"You think we'll have a free period together again, Black?" Mary asked. "I hope so, because I don't trust myself to get my homework done on my own."
"Even if we don't, we'll figure it out," Sirius said. "We'll carve out time to do our homework. And shag, obviously."
"You two really enjoyed your free periods together last year, didn't you?" Lily asked, smirking.
"Yeah, because I didn't have to listen to you having a go at me," Sirius said, smirking back at her.
"You're on a roll today," Remus said, raising his eyebrows. "So much sass already, and we haven't even made it to breakfast yet."
"I know. Look the fuck out today." He grinned. "Minnie's going to hate me. Damn, I've missed her."
"I'm telling her you said that," Lily said.
"I'll tell her myself. I'm not ashamed, Evans. It's almost impossible to embarrass me," Sirius said, hopping up onto the railing of the staircase and sliding down to land at the bottom.
"Unless you point out his actual romantic feelings for Mary," Lily muttered, leaning in close to James and nudging his shoulder.
"I heard that," Mary protested.
"You were meant to," Lily said, shrugging.
"It's going to be a year, isn't it?" Peter said, grinning and shaking his head.
Once they reached the Great Hall, James went to find the remaining members of the Quidditch team to discuss tryouts while everyone else helped themselves to breakfast. When he returned a few minutes later, Lily was scowling down at a copy of The Daily Prophet spread out in her lap.
"Yes, put more dementors at Azkaban, that'll solve all our bloody problems," she muttered, shaking her head in disgust. "Hard-liner, my arse. Harold Minchum is fucking useless."
Remus gaped at her for a moment, then burst into laughter. "I don't think I've ever heard you swear that many times at once. Actually, hang on, I take it back, there was that time you shouted at James for writing 'Will you go out with me, Evans?' on Flitwick's board when his back was turned."
James shook his head in disapproval and Summoned the newspaper out of her hand, then folded it and tucked it into his bag. "No, Evans. It's the first day of classes, the sun is shining, and it's a happy day. No angry reading today, not on my watch."
"But-" she began, but James set a mug of tea in front of her and slid a piece of toast with jam onto her plate.
"Here, have some breakfast. We have a long day of thinking ahead of us, so you may as well fuel up."
"But-" she repeated.
"No buts." He grinned and took a bite of bacon. "Eat your toast. It's strawberry jam, your favorite."
She opened her mouth to protest further, but decided on a bite of toast instead. He was right, strawberry jam was her favorite.
At the end of breakfast Professor McGonagall came around to pass out class schedules.
"Hello, Mr. Black," she said as she handed him a schedule. "Fix that tie, will you? No need to look like you just rolled out of bed, even though I'm sure that's actually the case."
Sirius grinned and adjusted his tie. "Hi, Professor. Did you miss me?"
She pursed her lips. "Yes, a whole summer without reminding you to tuck in your shirt or telling you off for doing magic in the corridors or listening to some ridiculous excuse for why you shouldn't have to serve detention? I barely survived."
Sirius nodded, then glanced over and shot Lily a pointed look before replying, "I missed you too, Professor."
After breakfast they all made their way to Charms, laughing and joking and taking up most of the corridor. James looked over to point something out to Lily, then realized she was no longer walking beside them.
"What are you doing, Evans?" he called, spotting her ten feet behind them comforting a terrified-looking first year.
"Go ahead without me, I'm going to walk him to Potions," Lily replied with a dismissive wave.
"Nah, I'll come too, in case my Head Boy skills are needed. Pads, will you tell Flitwick we have important Head business but we'll be right there?" He bounded over to Lily without waiting for a response and grinned down at the tiny first year.
"This is Phillip," Lily said. "Phillip, this is James. He's Head Boy, so feel free to ask him for help if you ever need something." She hesitated, then glanced sideways at James and smiled. "He's also Quidditch Captain for Gryffindor. Do you like Quidditch?"
Phillip nodded, his eyes wide.
"Nice to meet you, Phillip," James said. "What's your Quidditch team?"
"Ballycastle Bats," Phillip said, his voice barely audible.
"Me too! I like you already, Phillip. Come on, we'll show you how to get to your Potions class. And if Professor Slughorn says anything about you being a bit late, Evans will vouch for you." He nodded in Lily's direction. "She's his absolute favorite student."
"Oh, I don't know about absolute favorite," she said, leading the way down the corridor towards the Dungeons.
"She's just being modest. He thinks the sun shines out of her arse," James insisted, winking at the first year.
"You can't say that in front of him," Lily scolded with a slight shake of her head.
"I can't say arse?" James raised his eyebrows at the first year. "You heard the word arse before?"
Phillip nodded. "I have," he said, his tone solemn.
"See, Evans? He's heard the word before, so no harm done." James rolled his eyes and shot Phillip a conspiratorial look before returning his gaze to Lily and muttering, "Can't say arse, what a load of rubbish. Give the boy some credit, will you?"
Lily sighed but didn't reply. Instead she turned to Phillip and asked, "You're in Hufflepuff, right? How do you like your house so far?"
Phillip shrugged. "I like it. Everyone's really nice. I know some people say Hufflepuff is the worst house, but I think it's just fine."
"Hufflepuffs are pretty decent people for the most part," James agreed. "Not a bad Quidditch team, although they'll have a new captain this year so who knows how that'll play out. I used to give Hufflepuffs a hard time, but my mate Sirius had this Hufflepuff friend last year and she was absolutely brilliant. She made the best, er, special brownies - supposedly she grew it herself."
"James!" Lily exclaimed.
"Evans!" he replied in a perfect imitation of her scandalized tone. "He's heard of marijuana, I assume?" He turned to Phillip, who nodded, a small smile on his face. "See?"
"That's not the point-" Lily began, but James held up a hand and continued.
"And the Hufflepuff prefects are all right, except Bertram Aubrey's a bit of a tosser, so look out for him-
"James! You can't badmouth the other prefects," she protested.
"I'm not badmouthing him, I'm stating a fact. You've said yourself that he's a tosser."
"But just to you, not in front of a first year who's brand new to the school, not when I have my Head Girl hat on," she insisted, shooting Phillip an apologetic smile.
"There is no Head Girl hat, Evans," James said, raising his eyebrows. "We have badges, remember?" He twirled his finger around his head and grinned at Phillip.
She glared at him. "I'm going to kill you before this day's over," she muttered. "Then they'll probably make Aubrey Head Boy in your place, how would you like that?"
"Great, now you're making death threats in front of Phillip? Some role model you are, Evans," James said, rolling your eyes. "Also, I can't believe you think Bertram Aubrey would be my replacement for Head Boy and not Remus! I mean, he led a study group for younger students, he reads the damn Transfiguration textbook by the pool, not to mention the cardigans give him an air of responsibility and maturity, but sure, pick Aubrey over him, I see how it is."
"I didn't mean anything against Remus," Lily said. "I was just saying that to annoy you, obviously I think Remus would make a better Head Boy. Bertram Aubrey is such a-"
"A what?" James asked, his expression smug.
"A, well, a difficult person to get along with," she finished, choosing her words with care.
"Which is a polite way to say he's a tosser," James said, nodding. "Glad we're back on the same page."
Phillip looked from James to Lily, smiling in bemusement. "I can't tell if you two hate each other or if you're dating," he admitted.
Lily and James looked at each other for a moment, then burst into laughter. This did nothing to solve Phillip's confusion, and his expression became even more puzzled.
"Sorry,"James said between peals of laughter. "You're just the second person in the last 24 hours to ask if we're dating."
"We're not," Lily clarified, blushing. "But we don't hate each other either. We're friends. James just-"
"I know how to drive her mad," he finished, running a hand through his hair. "I can't help it. It's just too easy."
"This is Professor Slughorn's classroom," Lily said, pointing at the door in front of them. "It does look like he's started class already." She poked her head in and waved to Slughorn. "Excuse me, Professor? I'm so sorry to interrupt, but James and I have one of your students. He had a bit of trouble finding the classroom so we walked him down, that's why he's a bit late."
Slughorn beamed at her and waved away her apologies. "Not to worry, come in, son, you can sit right here next to this lovely lady whose name I've already forgotten. You're in good hands with Miss Evans, she's one of my absolute best students. If you ever need help with your Potions homework, she's the one to ask."
James nudged Phillip and whispered, "See what I mean?"
Phillip chuckled. "Thanks for the help," he said, smiling at them both before entering the classroom and taking the seat Slughorn had indicated.
"Thanks, Professor!" Lily called before turning and heading back up the corridor.
"It's funny that all the first years seem to think we're dating," James remarked.
"Two first years hardly count as all of them."
James shrugged. "Still. It's interesting. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "You make me wonder."
"We make a good team, don't we?" James continued, ignoring her last comment.
Lily considered this for a moment, then glanced sideways at him, a reluctant smile forming on her lips. "We do," she admitted.
"So you wouldn't rather work alongside Bertram Aubrey?"
"Oh, shut up, of course I wouldn't. Now we'd better hurry so Flitwick doesn't get suspicious," she said as she quickened her pace.
"Suspicious about what?" James asked, flashing her a sly smile, but she ignored him and continued at the same brisk speed until they reached the Charms classroom.
"That took a while," Sirius muttered when James slid into the seat beside him. "Anything interesting happen?"
James shrugged and took out his Charms book. "Nothing you'd consider interesting. Did I miss anything important in here?"
Before Sirius could reply, Flitwick stopped discussing the summer homework and fixed the two boys with a disapproving frown.
"Mr. Potter," he began.
"Hello, Professor Flitwick," James said brightly. "Good summer?"
Flitwick sighed. "Yes, it was fine. How was yours?"
"Excellent, thanks for asking," James replied, grinning.
"I was just going to say that it's a bit distracting when you and Mr. Black insist on having your own conversation," he continued.
"So sorry, professor! Actually, you'll probably want to hear this, too, because it's related to the summer homework. I was just telling Sirius about something Evans told me over the summer that really explains why the Protean Charm works and how it's essentially the same concept as the Gemino Curse." He continued to outline her idea, sneaking a glance at Lily who had turned around in her seat to gape at him. He winked, then returned his gaze to Flitwick and finished, "I've never heard it explained that way and it honestly blew my mind, and I can see it's blowing yours too, Professor, so aren't you glad I brought it up? Evans didn't put it in her essay because it wasn't in the textbook, but I thought you should hear it because it's absolutely genius and ought to be published in the next issue of Charming Charms, honestly. Anyway, thanks for letting me share that, and my apologies for the interruption. We will now give you our full attention." He straightened and looked up at Flitwick, his eyes wide and attentive.
Flitwick blinked several times, then chuckled and sighed. "Thank you for that, Mr. Potter. And he's quite right, Miss Evans, that's excellent reasoning, very well done."
Lily blushed. "Thank you."
"Now, barring any further interruptions, we will now discuss the chapters you read for the summer assignment…"
Once Flitwick turned his back on the class to refer to the notes on the blackboard, Lily whipped her head around to face James.
"What was that about?" she whispered. "That was your idea just as much as mine. I only made that connection because you explained the theory behind the Protean Charm to me, as apparently you've been able to do it since fifth year."
James shrugged. "I just explained the charm, but you're the one that made the leap to connect it to the Gemino Curse. I figured I should give credit where credit's due. You're top of our year in Charms, Evans, and you have some bloody good ideas." He grinned, then added, "And also I needed a reason why I was talking during his lecture, and 'I can't go more than five minutes without talking to Sirius' is not a valid excuse - I've tried."
She smiled, her eyes lingering on his for a moment longer than was necessary. "Well, thanks," she said, blushing and turning to face the blackboard before Flitwick noticed she was not paying attention.
After dinner James had just sprawled out in his usual armchair by the fire when Lily tapped him on the shoulder.
"We're supposed to do patrols tonight," she said. "Well, unless you don't want to, then I can ask Remus instead. I put the three of us on the temporary schedule, so we can sort of switch off however we like."
James glanced over at Remus, already curled in his chair with a book open in his lap and his oversized jumper sleeves pulled down over his hands.
"Nah, he looks comfortable. I'll do it." He sprang to his feet and nodded at Mary, who was seated on the floor with her back propped against Sirius's legs. "You can have my chair if you like, Macdonald. I won't even hex you."
Mary looked up from her Charms book and grinned. "Cheers. Have fun, you two."
"Don't forget to use the good broom cupboard," Sirius added.
"You want these in case you get hungry?" Peter pulled a dented box of Bertie Botts from his pocket and handed it to James.
"Hang on, are you going on patrol?" Remus set his book down on the arm of the chair and stood up. "I can go, just wait a second."
"It's fine, Moony, you stay and read. I'll go make sure the castle is free from deviance and debauchery," James said, waving and heading for the portrait hole with Lily following behind him.
"If you want to stamp out deviance and debauchery, Black will probably have to clear out," Mary called, and James laughed and gave her a thumbs up over his shoulder.
"Those two are driving me mad," Mary said, pushing a lock of hair out of her face. "It's been one bloody day and I already can't stand the sexual tension. It's not just me, right?"
"No, it's definitely not just you," Peter said. He set down his quill and looked around at the other three. "We've all noticed it, haven't we?"
"I think the whole school's picked up on it," Remus said. "It's not exactly subtle."
Sirius tapped his fingers against his armchair as he listened. "I really think we're in for at least another month of this."
Mary groaned. "I don't know if I can take it."
"I mean, there's nothing we can do, unless we try to speed up the process somehow," Remus said, frowning. "Which sounds like a colossal disaster."
"I have some ideas about that, actually," Sirius said. "But we can talk about that in a bit." He stood and raised his eyes at Mary. "Come on. We're going to relieve the sexual tension we have control over."
She grinned and got to her feet. "That will probably help, actually."
"Gentlemen, we 'll be back," Sirius said in a businesslike tone before following Mary to the boys' staircase.
Peter and Remus looked at each other and grinned.
"Do you get the feeling it's going to be just the two of us a lot this year?" Peter asked.
Remus nodded. "Seems that way."
"I don't mind, though," Peter said, shrugging. "You're not the worst person to be left behind with while our friends are off shagging or, you know, awkwardly wanting to shag but pretending otherwise."
"Right back at you," Remus said, chuckling. "You want to finish this essay and then take a break and play Exploding Snap? I'll help you with the conclusion if you'll hand me the chocolate bar that's in my bag." He gestured at his bag that rested several feet away in front of the fire. "I'm too lazy and comfortable to get it myself."
"Deal," Peter said, heaving himself to his feet to retrieve the chocolate bar.
"It's good to be back at Hogwarts, isn't it?" Lily said as they strolled down the corridor, stopping at random to peer into empty classrooms or check the alcoves behind statues.
"It really is." James took a moment to appreciate the familiar surroundings, that homey feeling the castle always gave him, the peculiar hum of magic that seemed to emanate from the very walls. "I love being home and spending summers with my parents, but I always miss it here." He paused, glancing over at her and grinning. "And it's nice seeing you every day." He ran a hand through his hair, then panicked as he thought about the implications of his words. "Along with everyone else, obviously," he added, filling with hope as he watched a smile spread across her face.
"I like seeing you every day, too," she said, and the honest, open affection in her expression made James's heart leap in his chest. "Even if you do say completely inappropriate things in front of first years."
"They have to grow up eventually," he said, and he realized they had stopped walking and stood side by side with their hands almost brushing. He angled his body to face her, and as they locked eyes the sound of their mingled breathing was deafening in the silence of the abandoned corridor. They stayed that way, hovering on the edge of something momentous, until a tapping sound shattered the stillness and the moment floated away, forever irrecoverable. They both whirled to find the source of the noise, but it was only Peeves, floating along and tapping various portraits with the end of an umbrella.
"Fuck off, Peeves," James muttered, batting away the umbrella as the poltergeist aimed a sharp jab at his head.
Peeves shook his head and made disapproving sounds. "Such deplorable language!" he exclaimed in a solemn tone. "I should inform someone. And out of bed after hours, too!"
James pointed to the badge on his robes and rolled his eyes. "We're allowed to be out of bed, idiot." He glanced at Lily and grinned. "That feels bloody weird to say."
Peeves ignored him and began to tap a rhythm on James's head with the umbrella.
"Fuck off, Peeves!" James repeated as he attempted to wrest the umbrella out of his grasp. "Hang on, are you playing bloody 'Jingle Bells' on my head?"
Peeves shot him a wicked grin, then gave his head one last whack before bobbing away down the corridor, shouting "Jingle Bells" at the top of his lungs.
"Well, that's kind of him to choose your favorite song," Lily said, shrugging and continuing on down the corridor.
"Very considerate," James agreed, rubbing the top of his head and mentally cursing the poltergeist for interrupting what had the potential to be a very important moment.