Saturday, October 1, 1977
The sunlight streaming through the window roused Mary from her sleep, and she rubbed her eyes and pushed herself up to lean back against her pillows. She surveyed the room and found that Anne and Olivia, the other two seventh year Gryffindor girls, were already awake and down at breakfast, but Lily was still asleep, tucked under her blankets with her hair falling into her face and spread out across her pillow. Mary slid out of bed and attempted to dress without waking Lily, but the lid of her trunk slid out of her grasp and shut with a loud thud, and Lily's eyes fluttered open.
"Sorry," Mary said, returning to her bed to put on her shoes. "I tried to be quiet."
"It's okay. It's probably time for me to get up anyway. James and the rest of the Quidditch team have probably been up for hours, running around the grounds like crazy people." She grinned and rolled over but remained under her pile of blankets.
"Ooh, I think I figured out why you two didn't kiss last night," Mary said, standing and leaning against the bedpost.
Lily pushed a strand of hair out of her face and frowned. "There wasn't any specific reason, Mary. It just didn't happen."
The forced indifference in Lily's voice made her disappointment apparent, and Mary shook her head and grinned. "Nah, there was a reason. You're both waiting for the other person to make the first move, which is bloody stupid, because it means neither of you are making a move, and you're both all frustrated and let down but pretending you're not."
"Well, I was only waiting for him to make a move because I made such a fool of myself before," Lily said, throwing back the blankets and shivering as the autumn air raised goosebumps on her skin. "But do you really think he's doing the same thing?"
"Yup, and it stops today. Neither of you can take much more of this, and honestly, neither can I."
"What are you saying?" Lily asked, looking both excited and apprehensive.
"I'm saying, stop waiting for him to make a move. Do it yourself. Make it happen, because it's what you both want, and you deserve it, for fuck's sake. All right?" Her voice had risen without her noticing, and she wondered for a moment if she might be projecting her own failure to express her true feelings, but then she blew a lock of hair out of her face and pushed the thought away.
"All right," Lily said. "I'll see what happens."
Mary nodded. "Good. I'm going down to the common room, but I'll see you down there in a bit and we can go to breakfast." She headed for the door, but stopped when Lily called out to her.
"What's your hurry to get downstairs?"
"I'm not in a hurry," Mary said, and she did not fail to notice the smug, knowing look on Lily's face. "Just going to go see if Black found out anything after we left last night." She strode through the door before Lily could respond, deciding escape was the best course of action as it was too early in the day to hold up to scrutiny or questioning.
"Hi, Black," she said as she crossed the common room to perch on the arm of his chair. "I see you've changed your outfit."
"The cowboy hat seemed a bit intense for this time of day," he said, grinning up at her. "And apparently it's a rule that you have to wear trousers in the common room."
"Is that your rule, Remus?" She raised her eyebrows at Remus, and he grinned and nodded.
"I don't think it's an unreasonable rule. Actually, I don't think it should even need to be a rule at all. It should just be common sense," he insisted. "Leaving the dormitory without trousers on shouldn't be a consideration."
"It's me, Moony. A lot of things I do shouldn't even be a consideration, and yet here we are." He reached up and tugged one of Mary's curls until she batted his hand away. "Did you get anything interesting out of Evans last night?"
"A bit," she said. "What about you? Did James tell you anything?"
"A bit," he said, grinning.
"Want to go up to your dormitory and we can swap information?"
Peter chuckled. "Is that what they're calling it these days?"
Sirius ignored him and got to his feet, then grabbed Mary's hand and pulled her towards the staircase. "You can go down to breakfast without us if you like," he called over his shoulder.
"Oh, but if you do, can you wait for Lily? I told her I'd meet her down here," Mary added. "Thanks, you're both gems."
"I missed you last night," Sirius confessed as he climbed the stairs behind her.
She glanced back and raised her eyebrows at him, then giggled when she realized he was staring at her arse. He followed her gaze, then smirked and shrugged.
"Do you mean you missed me in the sentimental way, or as in you missed having me there to shag?" They had reached the dormitory, and Mary headed straight for Sirius's bed and kicked off her shoes before stretching out with her head propped on her elbow.
"Both," Sirius replied as he removed his shoes and trousers and lay down beside her. "Smoking makes me a bit sentimental, but, you know, it also makes me want to shag."
"Me too." She slipped a hand under his shirt and ran her fingers over his chest. "I missed you too, if I'm being honest." She gestured down at his bare legs and grinned. "Ditched the trousers, I see."
"That conversation with Moony reminded me how bloody overrated trousers are." He fiddled with the waistband of her trousers as though emphasizing his point.
"Well, you're not wrong." As her lips met his and she tangled her fingers in his hair, the sunlight gave the room a buttery glow and she felt safe in the familiar surroundings, wrapped in his arms. Everything felt right and as it should be, and she lost herself in the moment, letting it drive away her uncertainty and doubt until nothing remained but the sound of their breathing and the feeling of his body against hers.
"That was absolute bloody torture." Will Davies, one of the new Gryffindor Beaters, fixed James with an indignant glare as he helped himself to breakfast. "I've never run so much in my life."
"That's not true. You ran at least that much during tryouts," James said, topping off his mimosa. They were enjoying the traditional team breakfast that always followed the monthly team runs. "And you get a nice scenic breakfast out of it."
"This is pretty classy," Donald Wilson, the other new beater said, raising his mimosa glass to gesture at the lake directly in front of their table and cluster of chairs. "Almost makes the running worth it."
"Are you sure I can't have a mimosa?" Kath cast a hopeful glance at the bottle of champagne as she spread jam on her toast. "Bubbles was allowed his first year on the team."
"Bubbles started as a third year," James said, moving the champagne out of her reach. "I break the rules, but I'm not that much of a delinquent. And Sirius won't sell to you either, so don't bother trying."
"Oh, I know," she said, biting into her toast and grinning. "I've already tried."
James grinned and shook his head, torn between affection and exasperation, because he saw a glimpse of himself in this girl. "Course you have."
James surveyed his new team, feeling a rush of pride at the progress they had made in only a month. If they looked this good already, they should be more than ready for the first match against Slytherin next month. As he considered the team's prospects, the sunlight warmed his face and the champagne loosened his limbs and blurred the corners of his thoughts, giving everything a pleasant glow, and he couldn't help letting his hopes soar. His thoughts drifted to Lily and his promise to just go for it, and he had to bite his lip to keep from grinning like an idiot. The immediate future seemed so full of dazzling possibilities, and he could hardly wait to see how things would play out.
"How was Slughorn's party?" Seven asked as they ambled across the lawn back to the castle. The rest of the team had gone ahead, so it was just James and Seven lagging behind, in no hurry to leave the autumn sunshine behind to return to the castle.
"It was better than expected." James glanced sideways at her and grinned. "Jeffrey Broadmoor still thinks I'm a git, and I threatened to hex Aubrey as we were having pudding, but overall it was a successful evening."
Her dark eyes lingered on his, and he knew she was mulling over what he had said as well as what he had left out. Her dedication and focus on the Quidditch pitch always impressed James, but he was even more amazed by how perceptive she was. Somehow she always seemed to know things she had no business knowing, but she had the tact and discretion to keep her mouth shut, and only hinted at her knowledge with the smug, knowing smile that she currently wore as she looked at James.
"You're really getting there," she said, reaching over and touching his shoulder. "I'm happy for you. You don't give up, and it's finally paying off."
"Thanks, Seven. He raised his eyebrows and gave her a pointed look. "You know, I've never known you to give up, either."
The slight widening of her eyes revealed that she'd grasped his meaning, but she only toyed with the end of her long braid and did not reply.
"Remus told me you two wrote back and forth over the summer." He paused, noticing her eyes dart towards him as he broached the topic. "You still like him." It was a statement rather than a question, and her resigned expression only confirmed his assertion.
"It doesn't matter." She kept her eyes fixed on the stone steps as they made their way into the castle. "He doesn't feel the same, so there's no point dwelling on it." A steely, defiant glint entered her eyes as she met his gaze. "I haven't let it affect my playing at all, so it shouldn't matter to you."
"I'm not bringing it up because I'm concerned about your playing. You caught the Snitch with three broken ribs. Any doubts I had about you were wiped out after that match." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I'm bringing it up because you're both my friends, and I care about you and want to see you happy. And you're wrong. He does feel the same."
Her eyes widened. "He does?"
"Of course he does. I mean, you write letters to each other about bloody Defense Against the Dark Arts homework and The Great Gatsby. You're literally perfect for each other. He does like you, but he's just…" His voice trailed off and he shrugged. "Well, he's Remus. It's complicated."
She nodded, the hope that had brightened her face a moment before now extinguished. "That's exactly how he put it."
"But that doesn't mean you don't have a chance," James insisted. "You'll just have to be persistent, which I know you're good at. So don't give up, all right?"
She managed a small smile and nodded. "Yeah, all right."
She didn't seem fully convinced as they continued their trek through the castle and up to the common room, but James couldn't help feeling optimistic, because despite all the setbacks and frustrations and endless waiting it had taken to get here, anything seemed possible today.
"Where did Mary go?" Lily stood leaning against the back of an empty armchair, scowling as she surveyed the room and realized her friend was nowhere to be seen. "She told me she'd meet me here before breakfast."
"It's sex o'clock," Remus said without looking up from his book.
"No it's not, it's after ten," she said, then giggled when she realized she'd misheard. "Oh, never mind. I got it."
"They said we could go down without them," Peter said. "Should we just go?"
"Up to you," Remus said. He was not very hungry, and he had just reached an interesting point in his book and would be content to sit reading by the fire without moving for the rest of the day.
"Let's go," Lily said. "I'm hungry and it could be ages. Their loss for needing to shag at all hours of the day."
As they strolled along the corridors on their way to the Great Hall, Remus experienced one of the unexpected bursts of energy that sometimes replaced the stretches of exhaustion that preceded and followed the full moon. His spirits soared as he looked out the window and noticed the autumn leaves bathed in sunlight, silhouetted against the bright blue sky. The day seemed to contain endless possibilities and he turned to the other two, a rare mischievous smile on his face.
"Is tonight a good night to get drunk, do you think?"
Peter grinned. "Well, if you ask Padfoot, any night's a good night to get drunk. I'm up for it. I mean, I fell asleep on the floor last night. Might as well make it two nights in a row."
"I don't suppose I have much choice, do I?" Lily laughed, then her face fell and she touched Remus's shoulder. "Just if I seem like I'm about to embarrass myself again, kick me or something, will you?"
"I'm not going to kick you, but I'll clear my throat and give you a look or something." Remus glanced sideways at Lily and flashed her a reassuring smile. "But you won't embarrass yourself. You'll be fine."
They had reached the Great Hall, so they all sat down at the Gryffindor table and helped themselves to breakfast.
"What made you want to get drunk tonight?" Peter asked as he poured himself a glass of pumpkin juice.
Remus considered the question as he spread butter on his toast. "It just feels like a good day, doesn't it?"
Lily nodded, smiling down at her mug of tea. "It does, actually. Think we can get Sirius to ditch the cowboy hat for the evening?"
Peter chuckled. "Not a chance."
The three of them ate in companionable silence for a few minutes before Lily's owl dropped an envelope next to her plate. She glanced at the return address and frowned, then slit open the envelope and took out a piece of folded pink stationary paper and began to read. As her eyes flew over the page, the frown deepened, and when she finished she tossed the letter aside in disgust and glared down at her half-eaten toast.
"You all right?" Remus asked, a note of concern in his voice as he noticed the anger smoldering in her eyes and the tight set of her jaw.
Her head snapped up and she tried to force her mouth into a smile, but it looked more like a grimace. "Fine. Just a lovely letter from my lovely sister, so everything is just bloody lovely." She picked up her toast, then dropped it down onto her plate again.
"Would it help to set it on fire?" Peter suggested. "That's what Sirius would sometimes do when his parents sent him something horrible."
"I don't recommend that," Remus said. "Last time he did that McGonagall gave him detention."
"That's because he also lit a cigarette right at the table," Peter pointed out, a fond smile spreading across his face at the memory. "Merlin, I love Padfoot."
"Ooh, I remember that," Lily said, her eyes widening. "It was his birthday, wasn't it? And his parents smashed up the watch he was meant to receive when he came of age and sent him the broken pieces?"
Remus nodded and sighed. "Yup. Walburga and Orion are such thoughtful people, aren't they?"
"Merlin, poor Sirius." She folded up the letter and crammed it back into the envelope, then stuck the envelope into her back pocket. "It makes me feel a bit better about my sister somehow. At least she's the only one in my family that treats me like dirt."
"At least he has us," Peter said. "And the Potters."
"That's true," Lily mused. "I dunno, I still have a strong urge to give him a hug. I probably will, if I get drunk later."
"I'd recommend doing it while he still has some clothes on," Remus said, grinning. "But that's your call." He raised his eyebrows. "You okay? If you want to vent about your sister, we're both pretty good listeners. Unless we're about to fall asleep, that is."
Lily smiled and shook her head. "Nah, I'm all right. It's a good day. I'm not going to ruin it by complaining about something that I can't do anything about. Do you want to head back to the common room and try to get some homework done, in case we're useless and hungover tomorrow?"
"I don't think there's any chance we won't be useless and hungover tomorrow," Remus said as he pushed back his chair and stood up. "Let's try and at least get Charms done, no matter how many times James and Sirius beg us to play Exploding Snap."
By midafternoon they had finished Charms and moved on to Defense Against the Dark Arts after a break for lunch and a quick round of Exploding Snap. The assignment required research beyond the information contained in the textbook, so the group decided to divide and conquer. James and Sirius would make a trip to Hogsmeade to replenish their depleted firewhisky supply, Peter would get some study snacks from the kitchen, and Lily and Mary planned to take a short nap to rest up for a long night of shenanigans. This left Remus to get the necessary books from the library, which he did not mind at all. The endless shelves of books, neat rows of tables, and hushed atmosphere always gave him a sense of peace, and he often took refuge in a secluded section when he needed a few minutes to gather himself.
The library was deserted save for a few students scattered at various tables, paging through books or bent over parchment, and one or two others browsing the shelves of books. Remus preferred it this way, and he set off for the Defense Against the Dark Arts section and began to peruse the titles, enjoying the faint smell of old books and feeling no rush to return to the common room. He was so engrossed in his search that he didn't realize he was not alone in the aisle until he reached for a book and his fingers grazed a hand that had reached for the same title.
"Sorry," he said, jerking his hand back and blushing.
"That's all right," Seven said. Her fingers toyed with the end of her long braid, a nervous habit of hers that Remus found adorable. "I guess we have the same taste in books."
"We already knew that," Remus said. This made her smile, and Remus watched it brighten her whole face. She was so serious and intense that it always seemed to take her by surprise when she smiled or laughed, and it gave Remus a little rush of pleasure every time he managed to amuse her.
"I suppose we did," she agreed. "Do you need the book for homework? I was just going to read it for fun."
"Yeah, but we'll only need it for a bit. I can give it to you once we're finished." The idea appealed to him because it would be another excuse to talk to her.
She nodded and pulled from the shelf before holding it out to him. "Yeah, all right. And I'll give you back Wuthering Heights since I'm finished with it."
Their fingers brushed as he took the book, and he felt a rush of exhilaration that could not be explained by his eagerness to discuss a Muggle novel. "Oh, what did you think?"
Ten minutes passed as they discussed the tumultuous interactions between the Lintons and the Earnshaws, and they might have continued for hours if Madam Pince had not appeared to peer at them over her glasses and give them a stern reminder that the library was for studying, not socializing.
"I guess we were a bit loud," Remus said once Madam Pince had retreated after receiving profuse apologies and assurances that they would be quieter. "I'm just passionate about this stuff."
"Me too," Seven said. "My friends think I'm weird for reading Muggle books, so I'm glad I can talk to you about it. I hate when I finish a book and I'm dying to talk about it but have nobody to discuss it with, you know?" She tugged at the end of her braid and looked down at the floor. "But I just like talking to you about anything."
His face split into a wide smile, and somehow on this unexplainably good day the nagging inner voice that reminded him why he didn't deserve to be in a relationship seemed to have fallen silent. "Me too." He hesitated for a moment, then let the words tumble out before he could second guess himself. "We're going to get a bit drunk later. Or, okay, probably more than a bit, but anyway, you should join us for a game or two if you like."
"Yeah, all right." Her eyes darted up to meet his, and he thought he detected the same nervous joy that must be evident on his own face. "But I don't have anything to drink."
"I don't mind sharing. It probably wouldn't hurt for me to drink a bit less, actually. I think I get a bit obnoxious after a certain point."
She smiled and shook her head. "That's not true. You're adorable when you're drunk."
Her words made him so happy that he had to bite his lip and concentrate on maintaining a neutral expression so she wouldn't think he was a complete maniac. "I dunno if that's true, but thanks. Anyway, don't feel like you have to drink if you don't want to."
"Oh, no, I definitely want to. Alcohol makes me braver."
He chuckled. "I don't think you need firewhisky to make you brave. I haven't forgotten that match you won with, what, four broken ribs?"
She smiled and rolled her eyes. "It was only three. Besides, Quidditch isn't the sort of thing I need liquid courage for."
"What do you need liquid courage for, then?" he asked, wondering what could possibly be more frightening than being hundreds of feet off the ground and having to dodge Bludgers that could break your arm or knock you off your broom.
She blushed but continued to meet his gaze. Her eyes were so dark they were almost black, and Remus saw a hint of vulnerability shining through the stubborn determination she presented to the world.
"For this," she murmured, releasing the end of her braid and resting her hands on his chest as she stood on tiptoe to kiss him. He was so startled by the warmth of her lips on his that he forgot to feel any guilt or self-loathing, and instead rested his hands on her shoulders and let himself enjoy the blissful, uncomplicated pleasure of kissing the girl he liked.
When they broke apart, flushed and bashful, Remus raised his eyebrows and asked, "Are you telling me you're drunk in the library in the middle of the afternoon?"
She giggled and shook her head. "No, completely sober. Guess I'm braver than I thought."
"You do tend to underestimate yourself."
"Well, so do you," she pointed out. "Maybe that's why we get along so well."
"One of the many reasons," Remus agreed. They both stood there in silence for a moment, reluctant to end the conversation, before he sighed and glanced at his watch. "I suppose I should get back to the common room so we can get this essay done."
She nodded. "Well, I'll see you later, then?"
"Yeah, come join us whenever you like. If you see Sirius wearing that ridiculous cowboy hat, that's when you know things are about to get wild. He can't seem to get drunk without that damn hat these days."
"I'll keep my eye out for it," she said, and his eyes lingered on hers until he forced himself to say goodbye and head for the exit.
Remus couldn't shake the light, giddy feeling or wipe the smile off his face for the entire walk back to the common room, and although he considered recounting the entire story for whoever would listen, he decided to keep it to himself for now. This sort of secret was not a burden to keep, but instead gave him something to sustain him through the rest of the afternoon. After being asked for the third time what he was so happy about, Remus finally remembered the last time he had smiled this much. It had been that party in March, when he and Seven had kissed after a combination of his friends' scheming and liquid courage had resulted in them being alone together on the Astronomy Tower. Despite all the reasons he hadn't allowed things to continue, despite all the times he had berated himself for letting himself get close to her in the first place, he couldn't help feeling hopeful about tonight, because anything seemed possible on a day like today.
"Books away. That means you, too, Evans." Lily glanced up from her book to see Sirius standing in front of the fire with a look of anticipation on his face. He wore his cowboy hat and clutched a bottle of firewhisky in one hand and a deck of cards in the other. "It's drunk o'clock."
Lily grinned and closed her book, then scooted her chair closer to the table as Sirius began to deal out the cards. "Do you want me to move, James?" she asked, gesturing at the chair. "I'm in your seat."
He shook his head and settled on the floor in front of her. "Nah, you can stay, but only if you promise to move over if I want to sit there later."
"Deal," she said as she reached for the jug of pumpkin juice and one of the glasses Peter had borrowed from the kitchens and made herself a drink. "But look out, because you know I get a bit friendly when I drink."
"I think the word you're looking for is handsy, not friendly," Sirius said, pouring himself a drink that was more firewhisky than pumpkin juice. "And I can guarantee James doesn't mind in the slightest."
"Nope, definitely don't mind," James agreed, clinking his glass against Sirius's before taking a sip. "Macdonald, do you want to go first?"
The night proceeded with the hilarity and volume increasing as the glasses were drained and refilled. Despite her best efforts to enjoy herself, however, Lily's mind kept circling back to the letter still tucked in her pocket. Even Remus inviting Seven to join them could not distract her from her miserable mood, although this would normally be a topic of interest that she would whisper with James about when nobody else was watching. After Peter had to remind her three times to play a card, she excused herself and slipped away, pretending to head for the loo but veering off at the last second to escape through the portrait hole. She managed to make it to the Head office and shut the door behind her before she collapsed into a chair and burst into tears. As the sobs racked her body she alternated between self pity and irritation at herself for failing to enjoy what should have been a perfect evening. James will come looking for me when I don't come back, she thought, and this thought brought her some comfort as another wave of crying overtook her.
James set down a card and glanced around the common room, frowning. "What happened to Evans?"
"I think she went to the loo," Mary said, ducking out of Sirius's reach as he tried to force the cowboy hat onto her head. "But she has been gone a rather long time, hasn't she?"
"She seems a bit out of sorts tonight," Seven observed. She and Remus sat side by side on the floor, just close enough for their knees or arms to bump when one of them played a card or reached for the firewhisky. "Kind of sad and out of it, don't you think?"
James considered this. "You're right. Shit, did I say something?" His mind was already recounting everything he'd said in the last hour in a desperate attempt to figure out what he might have done to upset her. "Merlin, I'm an idiot."
"No, it wasn't you." Remus had such a guilty expression on his face that James wondered if Remus had been the one to offend Lily. "She got a letter from her sister earlier. She didn't say what it was about, but it obviously upset her." He sighed and took a sip of his drink. "I'm such a rotten friend that I took her word for it when she said she was fine."
"You're not a rotten friend," Peter said. "I was there, too, and I thought she was okay."
"You just had other things on your mind," Seven added, and she exchanged a glance with Remus that struck James as suspicious, although he pushed the thought aside to examine later.
"Should I go after her, do you think?" Mary asked. She took a sip of her drink and turned to Sirius. "Or maybe you should? You have experience with having a sibling who is absolute shit."
"No, I'll go," James said. He set down his drink and stood up without really thinking about what he was doing or what he would say when he found Lily. The thought of her sitting alone somewhere, sad and possibly crying, was too much for him to handle, and he wouldn't be able to focus on anything else until he had put a smile back on her face. "Be back in a bit."
"Wait, take this," Sirius said as he pulled the cowboy hat off his head and thrust it into James's hands. "Maybe it'll cheer her up. You can't be sad in a cowboy hat."
"Er, all right," James said, figuring it was easier not to argue.
He set off without a backward glance, and although the Marauder's Map was still in his pocket from his trip to Hogsmeade earlier, he somehow knew where he would find Lily without consulting the Map. His feet carried him down the corridors and staircases until he stood outside the Head office, unsure if he should knock, but deciding against it in case she locked the door. Instead, with a pounding heart he hoped Lily would not be able to hear, he turned the doorknob and stepped inside.
"Hi, Evans," he said, crossing the tiny room and coming to a stop right beside her chair. Her head was bent over a letter spread out on the table in front of her, and her hair fell into her eyes, obscuring her face. "You okay?"
Her head snapped up at his words, and his heart broke when he saw her tear-stained face and puffy, red eyes. Without waiting for her to reply, without stopping to think, he reached out and brushed away the fresh tears that rolled down her cheeks. "Don't cry, Evans. Please don't cry." He hesitated for a moment, then grasped her hand and gently tugged her to her feet. "C'mere." He dropped the cowboy hat as his arms acted of their own accord, wrapping around her and pulling her towards him until she collapsed into his embrace. She rested her head against his chest as her shoulders shook with sobs, and he stroked her hair and rubbed her back until she stopped crying.
"I'm sorry," she said, pulling away as she wiped her eyes and looked at his t-shirt with dismay. "I've gotten mascara all over your shirt."
James smiled and pushed a stray piece of hair out of her face. "That's all right. That's what stain remover spells are for." He felt an upwelling of affection when he saw the smile that spread across her face at his words, and again, he acted without thinking and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. "It's good to see you smile again."
"Oh, I forgot. Crying makes you uncomfortable, doesn't it?" She rested a hand on his shoulder. "Merlin, I'm sorry."
"No, that's not it. I mean, you're right, crying in general does make me uncomfortable, but that's not why I'm so glad to see you smiling." He ran a hand through his hair and grinned at her. "I don't know if you've picked up on this, but I'm really bloody fond of you, Evans. So it breaks my heart to see you sad." He reached out and wiped away a stray tear that lingered on her cheek.
Her eyes fell to the discarded hat on the floor, and she gave him a puzzled look. "Why did you bring the cowboy hat?"
He laughed. "Sirius made me take it. He said you can't be sad in a cowboy hat." He grinned, then bent to pick it up and placed it on her head.
"I'm sure that really adds to the puffy-eyed, tearstained look. Merlin, I must look a mess." Her hand flew to her face to wipe away the evidence of her tears, but James grasped her hand and gently guided it back down to her side.
He shook his head and studied the way the cowboy hat perched on top of her hair, the leftover tears that made her green eyes sparkle, the thick red eyelashes stripped bare after her tears had washed the makeup away. "No you don't. You look beautiful."
Her face took on an unreadable expression, and for a moment James feared she was about to burst into tears again, but instead she tangled one hand in his hair and rested the other on his shoulder and leaned towards him. Time seemed to stand still and he was afraid to move, afraid to breathe, afraid to blink lest he ruin the moment, and then her lips were on his and bloody fucking hell it was really happening. Somehow it was even better than he'd imagined, so perfect and natural and right, it was as if their lips had been preparing for this for years, as if their bodies were made for this. James couldn't tell where he ended and she began, but it didn't matter, he didn't care, as long as they never had to stop. His last coherent thought before he lost himself in her was Merlin, it really was worth the wait.
After James left, the game continued until Remus threw down the last card and looked around at the group. "Should we hold off on the next round until he comes back, do you think?"
Mary glanced at Remus and Seven, and a knowing smile spread across her face. "Black, do you want to go have a smoke while we wait?" She nodded at Peter. "You should come, too. You look like you could use a cigarette."
Peter had not fared well during the last round and had been forced to drink twice as much as everyone else, partly because of bad luck and partly because Sirius and James kept ganging up on him. He drained the last of his drink and got to his feet, steadying himself against the side of Mary's chair.
"We could just go over there and blow the smoke out the window," Sirius said, gesturing across the common room. "I don't much fancy moving."
"Don't be lazy, Black," Mary said, standing up and grabbing Sirius's hands to pull him to his feet. "Besides, Remus doesn't like when we smoke inside or in front of first years." She widened her eyes and glanced towards Remus and Seven, and Sirius nodded in understanding and followed her towards the portrait hole with Peter close behind.
"That was interesting," Seven said. She took a sip of her drink, and the motion made her arm brush against Remus's. "I think she purposely wanted to leave us alone."
"Seemed like it," Remus agreed as he took a sip of his own drink and tried not to focus on how close they were sitting. "I didn't tell them about earlier, if that's what you're thinking." His eyes widened in panic, and he hurried to correct his mistake. "Not that I'm, er, embarrassed to tell them, or anything. I almost did. I just, I dunno, wanted to keep it to myself for a bit."
She smiled and touched his hand. "It's okay. I understand wanting to keep it to yourself. I didn't tell my friends either." She reached for her drink, then set it down again when she realized it was empty.
"How's the liquid courage working for you?" he asked, taking a sip of his own drink and enjoying the warm, relaxed buzz that dulled his nervousness and silenced his self-doubt. "Are you feeling braver?"
"Much braver," she said as she poured herself another drink and took a sip. They both glanced around and realized their position on the floor hid them from the other occupants of the common room, and this knowledge made Remus feel bold, even reckless.
"I feel braver too." He leaned closer to her, close enough to count the freckles that dusted the bridge of her nose and to smell the clean scent of her shampoo. Her lips tugged up into a smile as he rested a hand on her shoulder and fiddled with the end of her braid.
She bent her head towards his until their noses were almost touching. "How brave?" she murmured, and he felt his heart speed up as she traced the scar on his cheekbone with her thumb. That scar was the first thing he noticed when he looked in the mirror, and he hated it because it was a glaring reminder of what he was, what he would always be, but under her caress it felt less ugly and shameful, and he found himself leaning into her touch like a plant growing towards the sun.
"As brave as you," he breathed before cupping her face with his free hand and pulling her towards him. She tasted of firewhisky, and her lips felt familiar against his after their encounter in the library. When their lips came together he forgot himself, and for those few minutes of heavy breathing and greedy fumbling he was not Remus Lupin the werewolf, but Remus Lupin the teenage boy.
"Do you want to go somewhere quieter?" she asked when they broke apart. Her eyes were bright and her shirt was hanging off one shoulder, but he felt strange straightening it even though he had been the one to disarrange it in the first place.
"Yeah, okay." He got to his feet and helped her up, then followed her towards the portrait hole. His heart was pounding and he had to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, because if he allowed himself to think too much about what they would do when they got to their quieter destination he might turn around and retreat back to his spot in front of the fire. Sensing his hesitation, Seven looked back at him and smiled.
"You okay?" she asked as she reached back and took his hand. "We don't have to go if you don't want to. If you'd rather, we can just go back to the fire and talk."
The warmth of her hand in his reassured him, and he shook his head. "No, I'm good. I want to. I'm feeling brave, remember?"
She squeezed his hand. "Good. Me too. Let's go be brave, then."
When Lily released James and pulled away, he stayed in the same position with a dreamy, bemused expression on his face until Lily waved a hand in front of his eyes and he snapped out of his stupor.
"You all right?" She ran a hand through his hair in an unsuccessful attempt to return it to its usual windswept look versus the "bedroom hair" look it had taken on. "Did I break you?"
"No. I'm just…" His voice trailed off and he shook his head, grinning. "It's just... " He shook his head again and ran a hand through his hair. "Bloody hell."
She laughed and laced her fingers through his. "I definitely broke you." The expression of incredulous happiness that had replaced his usual confident grin made her feel a rush of affection for him, and she leaned forward and kissed him again because he was so bloody adorable and she'd wanted this for so long and she couldn't believe they hadn't done this sooner. "Does that help?"
He blinked and tilted his head to the side. "What?"
She laughed again and shook her head. "Never mind. I won't try to talk to you for a bit. Your brain probably needs a bit of time to process this."
He nodded, then reached out and pinched his arm before studying her and frowning.
"What are you doing?" she asked, grabbing his hand before he could pinch himself again.
"I'm making sure I'm not asleep. Usually I wake up way before this point, but once in a while I get further than this, so I just need to prove that this isn't a dream." He leaned forward and kissed her, then grinned. "It feels pretty real."
"That's because it is real, you idiot." She rested a hand on his chest and trailed her fingers down the taut muscles of his stomach, and the gesture brought her a sense of satisfaction as well as a thrill of pleasure, because she had imagined it so many times and the experience more than lived up to her expectations.
His eyes widened at her touch. "Evans, are you getting handsy with me?"
She slid her hands underneath his t-shirt and put her lips to his ear. "I did warn you. Are you complaining?"
He sighed and let his hands drift to her waist. "Fuck no." She kissed his neck, then trailed kisses up to his jaw until she found his lips, and they dissolved into each other again.
When they broke apart, even more breathless and disheveled than the first time, Lily glanced at James's watch and sighed.
"I suppose we should get back to the common room so everybody doesn't think we've disappeared off the face of the earth," she said, although she would like nothing more than to stay here in this cramped office, tangled up with James for the rest of the evening.
"I guess you're right." James laced his fingers through hers and grinned. "I'm still not convinced this isn't all a dream."
Lily giggled and picked up the cowboy hat which had fallen off some time during the second snogging session. "Would I be wearing Sirius's cowboy hat in your dreams?" she asked as she placed it on her head.
"It's not entirely out of the realm of possibility," he said, chuckling. "Especially if I was stoned before I fell asleep."
They were already out the door before Lily remembered her letter abandoned on the table and ducked back to grab it. As she and James strolled along the corridor, in no hurry to get back to the common room, she reached for his hand and turned to him.
"I just realized, I never even told you why I was crying." Thinking about the contents of the letter now only caused her a slight pang, rather than the all consuming rage and sorrow that had swallowed her up earlier.
"That's okay." His hazel eyes were full of concern as he searched her face for any hint of new tears. "You don't have to talk about it if it will upset you again. I just managed to cheer you up."
She smiled and shook her head. "No, it's okay. I don't think anything could upset me tonight." The almost palpable surge of happiness that lit up his face at her words almost stopped her in her tracks, and she had to resist the urge to lean over and kiss him, because she was not confident in her ability to walk and snog at the same time, and if they stopped now they would never make it back to the common room. "I got a letter from my sister, if Remus and Peter didn't tell you." She took a deep breath, and he squeezed her hand, which gave her the strength she needed to continue. "She wanted me to know that she's getting married and will not be asking me to be a bridesmaid. She didn't want me at the wedding at all, but my parents refused to pay for anything if I wasn't invited." She shook her head and sighed. "I don't know why I'm surprised, to tell you the truth. It's a very Petunia thing to do." She continued walking but felt a tug at her hand, and she turned to see that James had come to a stop.
"Your own sister doesn't want you at her wedding?" he demanded, his voice rising in anger. "No offense, but what the hell is wrong with her?"
Lily laughed and put a hand on his shoulder. "James, you're shouting."
"You're damn right I'm shouting. I'm bloody furious. Saying that to you in a fucking letter, no less. She could at least have the decency to tell you in person. Who does she think she is? She should be proud to have a sister like you." His eyes flashed and his chest was heaving as he started walking again, and Lily had to jog to catch up.
Even angry James was adorable, and Lily had a sudden urge to laugh, but she stifled it and instead grabbed his hands and pulled him to a stop. "James, hold up a minute."
"I'm going to write her a letter," he said, his voice only one notch below a shout. "I'm going to give her a piece of my mind."
"No you're not," she said, chuckling. "It won't do any good."
"She needs to know what a miserable bitch she's being," James insisted. "And if you're not going to tell her, I will." He frowned as she continued to laugh. "What is so bloody funny?"
She shook her head and tried to get her laughter under control. "It's just, it's sweet how angry you are on my behalf. It's pretty adorable, actually." The anger on his face faltered as she leaned in to kiss him.
"Are you just trying to distract me so I'll calm down?" he asked as a reluctant smile spread across his face.
"Maybe." She pulled away and stood smiling at him, still holding both his hands in hers. "Is it working?"
He nodded. "A bit. I still think she's a horrible person, but I could probably forget about it for a while if you kissed me again."
"You're a greedy prat, aren't you?" she said as she ran her hand through his hair and kissed him again. When she pulled away she raised her eyebrows. "Better?"
"Much better. I'll probably be angry again in a bit, so be prepared in case you need to calm me down again." He grinned and traced the side of her hand with his thumb. "You know, by kissing me, in case that wasn't clear."
"Yeah, I got it. Tell you what, you can come with me to her wedding, if you like. Merlin, she'd hate that." A mischievous smile spread across her face as she imagined how Petunia would react to having two freaks at her wedding.
"Really?" His eyes were wide and he looked about ready to pass out from happiness overload. "Do you mean that, Evans?"
"Yeah, why not?" It had been just an idle comment, but the more she thought about it the more the idea appealed to her. With James by her side to mutter jokes into her ear and hold her hand and distract her if Petunia made any snide remarks, getting through the wedding, and even enjoying it, felt much more possible. "I can't promise it'll be fun, but if you're there maybe I won't want to bang my head against the table all night."
"Are you kidding? We'll have the time of our lives. I can't wait." He ran a hand through his hair and draped an arm over her shoulders. "We can get inappropriately drunk and make a scene. Or, if you don't want to upset your parents, we can behave and just make fun of your sister and Vernon fucking Dursley under our breath. Either way, it'll be great."
She wrapped her arm around his waist and rested her head on his chest. "Thanks. For cheering me up, I mean. I feel a lot better about it now. If you hadn't come to find me, I'd probably still be crying in the Head office like a bloody idiot, so thanks."
He kissed the top of her head and brushed a piece of hair out of her face. "I feel like I should be the one saying thanks."
"Why?" The gentle rise and fall of his chest was soothing, and she imagined what it would be like to fall asleep next to him, curled up together in an armchair by the fire.
"Well, at the risk of sounding like a pathetic idiot, this has probably been the best night of my entire life."
This took her by surprise, and she glanced up at him and saw that same expression of incredulous happiness on his face, as if he still could not quite believe any of this was real. "Wow. That's, well, you're welcome."
He laughed "Should we get going? Mary and Sirius will probably send out a search party if we're not back soon."
She picked up her head, missing the comforting closeness of his heartbeat as soon as she did so, and they set off with their arms still around each other. "You're just eager to tell Sirius we snogged, aren't you?"
"Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't, but I probably won't even have to say anything, to be honest. He'll be able to tell just from looking at me." He glanced sideways to look at her. "I still have that goofy, idiotic, sort of out of it look on my face, don't I?"
She nodded. "Definitely. It's sort of a look that says you aren't entirely sure what's going on and your brain might not be functioning fully, but you're so bloody happy that it doesn't really matter."
"That's exactly how I feel! How come I can't explain my own emotions as well as you can?"
"Because your brain isn't fully functioning," she said, chuckling.
As they rounded a corner they heard footsteps and soft voices, and a moment later Bertram Aubrey and Snape came into view.
"Oh no, I forgot anyone would be out patrolling," Lily whispered.
"It's fine," James replied, then he raised a hand and waved. "Hullo! Lovely evening, isn't it? How are patrols treating you?"
Snape's eyes widened as he noticed Lily and James with their arms wrapped around each other, and the scowl on his face deepened from an expression of dislike to one of pure loathing and fury. Aubrey took in the blissful grin on James's face and stared at him as if he feared for his sanity.
"What are you two doing roaming the corridors?" Aubrey asked as he looked from James to Lily and frowned.
"We had some important business in the Head office. What are you two doing wasting your Saturday patrolling the corridors?" He gave Aubrey a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.
"You're the one who makes the bloody schedule and gave us this patrol," Snape spat.
"I did, didn't I?" James turned to Lily, regret creasing his face. "That was rather rude of me. Evans, why didn't you tell me I was being a prat?"
The situation was so bizarre and unexpected that she could only splutter incoherently while Snape and Aubrey looked on, as confused as she was.
"You know what, Evans and I will take Saturday night patrols for the rest of the month. And then after that we'll make sure the schedule rotates so the same people aren't stuck doing it all the time. All right?"
Snape continued to gape at him, but Aubrey shrugged and nodded.
"Yeah, all right," he said. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
James shrugged. "I'm having a really good night, so I'm feeling generous."
Aubrey frowned and took a step forward, then began to sniff the air around him. "Are you… Are you drunk? Or stoned?"
James laughed. "No! Well, technically speaking I was a bit drunk earlier, but I've lost my buzz by now. I'm just in a really good mood. Stop looking at me like that, both of you. I'm not going to hex you or anything." He rested a hand on Aubrey's shoulder, but he shrugged it off and took a step back. "I'm sorry about all those times I did hex you, and for making fun of your dad. Oh, and also for that time I changed your Runes translation so it said - shit, what did it say?"
"Something about him being a tosser with a stick up his arse," Lily supplied, shooting Aubrey an apologetic look.
"Right! How could I have forgotten? I made up my own rune for arse. Anyway, point is, I'm sorry about all of that, mate." He removed his arm from around Lily's shoulder and wrapped Aubrey in a hug before he knew what was happening.
"What are you doing?" Aubrey spluttered, trying to wriggle free from James's grasp. "You don't have to hug me - Merlin, what's wrong with you?"
James released him and clapped him on the back. "You're all right, Aubrey." He turned to Snape and stretched out his arms, but seemed to think better of it. This was fortunate, because Snape had his hand on his wand and looked as if he would rather die than allow James to give him a hug.
"Nah, sorry, mate, I can't fucking do it." Instead he grasped Snape's hand before he could pull away and pumped it up and down several times. "We'll go for a handshake instead."
Snape stared at his hand in disgust and wiped it on his trousers, then strode off down the corridor without waiting to see if Aubrey would follow. After a moment's hesitation, Aubrey waved and hurried after Snape, glancing back over his shoulder to fix them with a puzzled stare before disappearing around the corner.
"I really did break you, didn't I?" Lily said, reaching for James's hand and setting off in the direction of Gryffindor tower.
James frowned. "What do you mean?"
"You just hugged Bertram Aubrey and apologized for being mean to him." She paused to emphasize her point. "And you shook Snape's hand."
James ran a hand through his hair as he considered this. "I did, didn't I?" He frowned and tilted his head to the side. "Am I drunk?"
She laughed and shook her head. "No, I don't think so, you're just, well, like you said before, you're having the best day of your life."