Sunday, October 9, 1977
"Is there any chance you could turn that down just a bit?" Lily looked up from her essay and cast a pointed glance at the radio next to Sirius that was broadcasting the Chudley Cannons match. James shot her a warning look, but she ignored it and turned to Sirius with an expectant look on her face. "It's just a bit loud, and we're trying to get work done."
Sirius scowled and moved closer to the radio. "No, Evans, I can't just turn it down," he snapped. "If it bothers you, why don't you go work in the library?"
"I don't want-" Lily began, but Sirius held up a hand and cranked up the volume on the radio.
"Looks like the Seekers have spotted the Snitch! Wouldn't that be something if the Cannons can pull this off! Wood is in the lead, he's almost there, he's stretching out his hand and - ooh, bad luck, knocked straight off his broom by a well-placed Bludger from Johnson, that's got to hurt, and it looks like they've both lost sight of the Snitch…"
Sirius punched his armchair and shouted, "Fuck me in the fuckhole!"
"Sorry, what was that?" Remus asked, trying to stifle his laughter, but Sirius ignored him and glared at Lily.
"Are you happy, Evans? They're only down 100 points. That would've been a win!" He shook his head and slouched down in his chair. "That's what happens when you ask me to turn the bloody radio down."
"I tried to warn you, Evans," James said, looking up from his chess game against Peter to flash her an apologetic smile. "It's sort of an unspoken rule that we don't bother Sirius during a Cannons match.
"And you definitely don't ask him to turn the radio down," Peter said, shaking his head. "Rookie mistake, Evans. Moony doesn't even do that."
"I learned that the hard way," Remus muttered, keeping his voice low so Sirius would not hear.
"We can go to the library if you want," Mary offered. "It's a long walk, but I'm up for it if you can't focus here."
Lily sighed and shook her head. "No, it's fine, I'll manage." She returned to her homework, frowning down at her essay and twirling her quill around in her hand.
Mary grinned as she watched Sirius glower at the radio. "Black, would it help if I played with your hair?"
He glanced over at her, a sullen expression creasing his face. "No," he muttered. After a moment he sighed and said, "Maybe."
Remus watched in amusement as Mary got to her feet and maneuvered around the table to stand behind Sirius's chair. As she gathered up Sirius's hair and began to run her fingers through it, some of the tension left his body and the scowl on his face eased. Remus observed in silence for a moment, a thoughtful expression on his face, until he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see Seven standing next to his chair.
"Hi," she said, fiddling with the end of her braid. She wore a shy smile and clutched a book to her chest. "I, er, wanted to return your book. I left a bookmark in there for you." She tapped the bookmark and widened her eyes meaningfully as she handed the book to him.
"Thanks," Remus said, his heart pounding as he accepted the book from her.
"You're welcome. I'll see you later, then." Her eyes remained locked on his for a moment longer than was necessary before she waved and headed off across the common room towards the portrait hole.
Remus scanned his friends' faces, sure at least one of them had sensed the current of attraction when he and Seven had looked at each other, but nobody seemed to have noticed. Forcing a neutral expression onto his face, he opened the book and peeked at the bookmark. It wasn't a proper bookmark, just a folded scrap of parchment, empty except for a few words in Seven's tiny, neat handwriting: Meet me at the reading spot if you can get away for a few minutes. I have something for you.
Remus slid the scrap of parchment between the pages and snapped the book shut, then stood up and stretched. "I'm going to run down to the library for a bit," he said, hoping none of them would offer to come with him. "Does anyone need anything?"
Peter smiled in satisfaction as he captured one of James's knights, then looked up and studied Remus for a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, then seemed to think better of it and instead shook his head and returned his attention to the game. When nobody else answered, their attention diverted by Sirius's furious exclamations after the Cannons missed yet another shot, Remus waved and strode across the room, focusing on keeping his pace steady until he had stepped through the portrait hole. Once he was out in the corridor, he quickened his pace, reaching the tapestry in record time and pushing it aside to find Seven seated in her usual spot atop the pile of cushions.
"That was fast," she said, lifting the blanket and tucking it around him as he crawled in next to her. "I wasn't sure you'd be able to sneak away."
"I wasn't either, but they're all focused on other things, and then Sirius started shouting at the Chudley Cannons match again, so I just sort of slipped away," he replied as he settled back against the pillows. "Were you having trouble focusing with that radio blasting?"
"Nah, I'm pretty good at tuning it out," she said with a shrug. "I just wanted to see you for a bit. And give you this." She reached for a chocolate bar that she had set down on top of her book and handed it to him.
"That's my favorite chocolate bar," he said, feeling his face break into a huge smile.
"I know." She plucked the chocolate bar from his hand and set it on the floor beside the pile of pillows, then laced her fingers through his and inched closer to him. "I figured I'd get one for you since we couldn't go into Hogsmeade together. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that I'm thinking about it, I'm sure you bought about ten chocolate bars, so this is probably unnecessary."
"No," Remus said. "I mean, yes, I did buy a bunch of chocolate bars, but Sirius is always eating them, so another one to replenish the supply is never a bad thing. And I…" He hesitated, noticing the nervous hope on her face as she hung on his words. "I think it's really sweet that you thought of me." He picked up the chocolate bar and tore open the wrapper before breaking off a piece and offering it to her. "Want some?"
"I got it for you, you prat," she protested, grinning as she took the chocolate and popped it into her mouth. "This really is the best flavor, isn't it?"
"I know what I'm talking about," Remus said, leaning in closer to her. "I'm kind of a chocolate expert." He kissed her, and he could taste chocolate on her tongue as he closed his eyes and savored the moment. The Cannons game and the crowded noisy common room and the Transfiguration essay he had been attempting, all of that faded away until there was only the cramped room around them and the tangle of pillows and blankets and the warmth of Seven's lips against his. His jumbled brain kept returning to the same thought, and although he knew he couldn't trust himself to make rational decisions at a time like this, he couldn't help thinking Would it really be so bad if everyone found out? He let the question bounce around in his head before pushing it aside and focusing all of his attention on the girl in his arms.
Monday, October 10, 1977
"What time is it, Padfoot?" Peter asked.
Sirius looked up from his half-finished homework and glanced at his watch. "It's half past get your own bloody watch o'clock," he said, grinning.
"You're such a prat," Mary said, making a grab for his wrist so she could check the time. "It's almost seven, Peter."
"Prongs will be back soon," Peter said, pushing aside his book. "I'd better get going in a minute."
"Where are you going?" Lily asked. The herbology homework was taking much longer than expected, and she was glad for any distraction at this point.
"Oh, I'm going to the kitchen to get snacks. We always get snacks for after Quidditch practice on Mondays." She must have looked confused, because he continued, "Mondays are always the hardest practices. I dunno why, really, but it helps if we get snacks."
She turned this over in her head, frowning. "Are Mondays the toughest practices? I haven't noticed. I've never heard him complain."
"Well, no, he wouldn't," Remus said, setting his book face-down on his knee to hold his place. "He's not much of a complainer, is he? Not like, er, some people."
Sirius laughed and raised his eyebrows. "Not like me, you mean?"
"That's not what I said," Remus said, smirking and returning to his book.
"But it's what you meant," Mary said. She was sitting in front of the fire with her back leaning against Sirius's legs, but she turned around to look at him. "World's biggest drama queen right here."
"Oh, shut up, Macdonald, you love it," Sirius said, tugging on one of her curls. "It keeps things interesting." He turned to Lily. "Anyway, we always get snacks on Mondays, and we try to get most of the homework done so James can take a look at it if he's too tired to finish it all himself."
"But don't bring attention to that," Remus added, glancing up from his book again and holding up a hand. "He doesn't like accepting help, so we just pretend we want his opinion on something or ask him to check it over, or just sort of leave it lying around so he can take a peek at it when we're not looking." He grinned and shook his head. "I should know, because I know you lot do the same thing for me when I'm too tired to do my homework properly."
"Rubbish," Peter said, standing up and stretching. "We'd never trick you like that."
"Are you going to the kitchens now?" Lily asked. "Do you want me to go instead?" She looked around at Sirius, Remus, and Peter, touched by their concern for James and the routine they had established to make things easier for him.
"No, that's okay, it's my turn to go," Peter said, shrugging. "We can add you to the rotation, if you like. You can go next time." He waved before setting off for the portrait hole.
"You know, if you want to help, Evans, there are probably other things you can do," Sirius said, an innocent expression on his face.
She frowned. "Like what? I can try to finish the Herbology essay, but I'm stuck on the last bit."
"I can help you with that, but never mind Herbology now," Sirius said, waving a hand in dismissal. "I meant other things. Like, I dunno, you could rub his shoulders, or go to the prefect's bathroom together, or take him up to the dormitory to, er, ease some tension-"
"Sod off," Lily said, giggling and trying to aim a kick at Sirius. Unfortunately she was out of range, so she turned a pleading gaze to Mary. "I can't reach him. Can you smack him for me?"
"Don't be stupid, Macdonald isn't going to-" Sirius began, then shielded his face as Mary turned around and whacked him with the pillow from Peter's empty chair. "Oi! I didn't do anything to you."
"No, but it's just fun to pick on you," she said, grinning and settling back against his legs.
"Anyway," Lily said primly, "I'm not going to do any of that, but I do want to help. I didn't realize you had, I dunno, a system all worked out."
"Well, it's not official or anything," Sirius said. "We've just figured these things out over time."
Lily thought about the way the boys knew just how to deal with Sirius when he was in a blind fury. She remembered how they made sure to take excellent notes the days Remus missed class, even Sirius who absorbed information just by listening. She considered their willingness to play chess with Peter, even though none of them stood a chance against him, and the way they never seemed to get annoyed when he asked for homework help. They're like a family, she realized. They're like a family, the way they look out for each other, and I'm not sure where I fit in.
"You don't have to do anything special," Remus said, perhaps reading the worry on her face. "Just do what you always do. I don't think it's possible for James to be stressed or in a bad mood when you're around."
She smiled, holding tightly to his words until James entered the common room and collapsed into his armchair.
"Hi," she said, rising to greet him. His hair was still damp from the shower, and when she leaned in to kiss him she could smell his favorite bubble bath from the prefects' bathroom. "How was practice?"
He reached for one of the biscuits Peter had brought up from the kitchen and ate half of it before replying. "Good. We finally got this one play down, but it took ages. We had to run it over and over again." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Anyone done that Herbology essay?"
"Mine's done, but I'm not sure about the end," Sirius said, frowning as he handed it across to James. "I think I missed that last bit Sprout was saying at the end of the lesson."
"Yes, that's because you were trying to convince Peter to call Sprout 'Mum' again," Mary said, leaning her head back against his legs.
"Cheers," James said, rubbing his tired eyes as he scanned the essay. "It seems okay to me." He reached for his bag which lay next to his chair where he had discarded it earlier and pulled out parchment, quill, and ink, then slid onto the floor and set to work on his essay. For a while the group remained quiet, concentrating on homework or gazing into the fire as their eyelids drooped. Finally, James set aside his essay and leaned back against the chair, frowning as he massaged his shoulder.
"You all right?" Lily asked as she rolled up her own essay and stowed it in her bag.
"I'm excellent," James said, but his smile didn't quite dispel the discomfort and exhaustion that creased his face.
Lily didn't reply, but rose and maneuvered around James to sit in the armchair behind him, then put her hands on his shoulders and began to massage the tension from his muscles.
"What are you doing?" he asked, turning around to face her, and she felt a rush of pleasure when she noticed that he already looked more relaxed.
"I'm rubbing your shoulders, what does it look like?" She leaned down and kissed his cheek, then returned to kneading his shoulders.
"You don't have to do that," James said, his eyes half-closed as he leaned back into her touch.
"Oh, shut up and enjoy it," Lily said, smiling as James emitted a soft sigh of satisfaction.
"You're very good at that," James murmured. He had let his eyes drift shut, and the tight clench of his jaw had eased.
"Am I?" Lily wondered if he might fall asleep if she kept at this long enough. Her hands traveled lower to work at a knot in his upper back, and her touch elicited another sigh of pleasure, this one louder than the first.
"Prongs, you'd better stop making those sounds or you're going to make Moony uncomfortable," Sirius said, smirking.
"Sod you. It feels bloody amazing," James said without opening his eyes, and his words sounded slow and lazy as Lily's fingers continued to work at his muscles.
"Yeah, we've gathered that," Mary said, raising her eyebrows.
"You realize you're going to have to do this after every practice now?" Peter asked, gesturing at the look of pure bliss on James's face.
James glanced back at Lily and flashed her a reassuring grin. "Of course you don't," he said. "But, you know, if you wanted to, I wouldn't be opposed."
"I don't mind at all," she said. She loved the idea of being able to help James relax after a long day, of helping to banish that weary frown from his face and the ache from his tired limbs. Looking around at the group gathered by the fire, she realized that she now had a role to play in their weekly routine to cheer James up. She smiled to herself, savoring the sense of belonging, because somehow she had become part of the group she used to avoid and glare at across the common room, and she found she had never been happier.
Wednesday, October 12, 1977
Sirius lay sprawled out on the bed with Mary curled against him. She trailed a finger across his chest, tracing his scar with a touch so light he could barely feel it. The dormitory had a hushed, sleepy atmosphere, and his eyes felt heavy as he pushed a strand of Mary's hair out of his face. The clock on James's bedside table told Sirius that the others would be coming to bed soon, which was Mary's usual signal to get dressed and make the trek to her own dormitory. The thought filled him with a vague, dull sadness that he did not want to examine, so instead he pulled her closer to him and resolved to enjoy their few remaining minutes together.
"It's late. They're probably coming up to bed soon," Mary said, as if reading his thoughts. "I guess I should get dressed before anyone gets a free show." She sighed and eyed her clothes, discarded in a heap halfway across the room. "I know I'm the laziest arsehole in the world and I'm always complaining, but getting dressed and walking all the way to my room is so much bloody effort."
"So just stay here." The words were out of Sirius's mouth before he even realized he was going to speak, but now that he had voiced this thought aloud, it no longer felt unattainable or unreasonable. Mary hated leaving his warm, cozy bed, and he hated the empty longing her absence always prompted, so if they wanted to spend a sober Wednesday night together, why the hell shouldn't they?
"Really?" She turned to face him, flinging a large quantity of curly hair into his face, but he didn't mind when he saw the hopeful smile on her face.
"Yeah, why not?" He brushed her hair aside and grinned at her. "If you can put up with Pete's questionable taste in pajamas and my tendency to be a bed hog, then why shouldn't you stay?"
She fell silent for a moment, and he knew she was listing all the reasons not to stay, because they had occurred to him, too. This would be the first time she had stayed over his dormitory when they were both completely sober, and without alcohol or marijuana to blur the boundaries they had established for themselves, a sleepover felt dangerously close to couple behavior. Yet neither of them seemed eager or even willing to broach this topic, because the hesitation in Mary's face evaporated as she pulled the blankets up over them and nestled closer to him.
"All right," she said, tucking her arm around him and resting her head on his chest once again. "But you have to Summon my toothbrush for me, because I'm afraid I'll laugh and drop it somewhere on the stairs."
"And you think I won't?" Sirius asked, chuckling as he leaned over the side of bed to retrieve his wand from the pocket of his trousers.
A moment later, Remus entered the room clutching a green toothbrush and wearing a bemused smile.
"This yours, Mary?" he asked, stepping over the clothes strewn across the floor to hand it to her. "I saw it heading this way, so I grabbed it." He grinned and glanced over at the door as Peter followed him into the room. "It almost hit Peter in the eye."
Mary poked her arm out from under the duvet to take the toothbrush, but she was laughing too hard to give any sort of reply.
"Oh, excellent, I didn't drop it on the floor and I hit Wormtail in the face with it?" Sirius said, grinning as he propped himself up on his elbow. "I'll call that a win."
Peter frowned and raised his eyebrows at Mary as she continued to shake with silent laughter. "Merlin, it's not that funny, Macdonald."
"No," she managed to choke out, wiping away tears of mirth. "It's just, this isn't even my toothbrush. It's Lily's."
Sirius studied the toothbrush for a moment. "You sure? I could've sworn yours was the green one."
"Yes, I'm sure, I know what color my own bloody toothbrush is," she said, rolling her eyes. "Is it wrong that I think we should keep it for the night? I bet I can convince her that Anne or Olivia hid it to mess with her."
"I love it," Sirius said, setting the toothbrush on his bedside table for safe keeping. "Exactly the kind of fuckery I like to see, Macdonald." He frowned. "Should I bother Summoning your actual toothbrush, then?"
"Nah, don't want to arouse suspicion if Lily's heading to bed and sees it flying through the air. Although I'm sure she and James will be saying goodnight for at least another twenty minutes." She snuggled deeper under the covers and moved closer to Sirius.
"Sounds about right," Remus said, sitting down on his bed to remove his shoes. "I assume that's
yours as well?" His eyes fell on a black bra that had been flung across his pillow.
Sirius smirked. "Oh, sorry, Moony, I meant to chuck that on Pete's bed."
Peter shrugged and began rummaging in his trunk for pajamas. "As long as you don't shag on my bed again, I'm not going to complain."
"You shouldn't have brought that up," Sirius said, chuckling. "Now I feel like I have to do it."
Later when James had finished kissing Lily goodnight for the tenth time and they had stopped teasing Peter about his pajamas, the dormitory was dark and filled with soft, rhythmic breathing and occasional snores. Sirius lay there, feeling the rise and fall of Mary's chest and savoring the familiar, uncomplicated closeness of their bodies. He had reached that peculiar state of mind just before falling asleep that allowed him to entertain thoughts he wouldn't normally acknowledge without the help of large quantities of alcohol, and his mind returned to just how right it felt to fall asleep next to Mary. I sleep better like this. What does it matter if it makes us seem like a couple? I want to fall asleep next to her every night, and sod everything else. He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes.
"Night, Macdonald," he whispered, smiling to himself as he burrowed deeper into the pillows and fell asleep.
Thursday, October 13, 1977
"I'm bored," Sirius complained, leaning back in his chair. "The library is bloody boring."
Remus glanced down at the half-empty parchment in front of Sirius and raised his eyebrows. "Finish your essay, if you're so bored."
"How's that supposed to make me less bored?" He tipped even further back in his chair until he teetered on the edge of falling backwards, but Peter reached out and put a hand on the back of the chair before it could topple over.
"Thanks, Pete," Sirius said, grinning. "Moony would've just let me fall."
"I would not," Remus muttered, smirking. "Although it would've been funny."
"You're still not finished?" James asked, glancing at Sirius's essay as he and Lily sat down at the table and set down a small stack of books each. "We've been gone ages."
Sirius shot James an appraising look. "Yeah, we've noticed." He leaned in closer and lowered his voice. "Sauce?"
Peter laughed as he reached for one of the books in James's pile. "He wouldn't have enough time for that, Padfoot. They were only gone, what, ten minutes?"
"I think you're giving Prongs more credit than he deserves," Sirius said, shaking his head. "Ten minutes is more than enough time. I'd say he could get it done in five."
"Sod you." James opened one of the books and paged through it until he found the correct chapter
before looking up at Sirius again. "Doesn't matter anyway, because it was a sauceless book search."
Remus glanced at Lily to gauge her reaction to this ridiculous conversation, but she seemed to be tuning it out as she worked her way through one of the books from her own pile. Probably for the best, Remus thought.
"That's a shame," Sirius said, shooting James a sympathetic look. "Well, hopefully this weekend won't be sauceless."
Remus opened his mouth to tell off Sirius for using that ridiculous word (sauceless, honestly), but closed it again when he spotted Seven enter the library and sit down at a table a few rows away. She caught his eye and gave him a tiny wave as she walked by, and he smiled to himself, savoring the secret they shared. As she settled into her table and spread out her books around her, Remus tore off a scrap of parchment, glancing around to make sure none of his friends were paying attention, then scribbled a short note: Meet me in the Muggle Studies section in five minutes. He rummaged in his bag and pulled out a copy of Lord of the Flies and slipped the note inside so that it poked out of the pages like a bookmark.
"I'll be right back," he whispered, gesturing at the book as he stood up. "I'm going to return this." Nobody looked up except Peter, whose eyes darted across the library to Seven's table before returning to his homework. Remus thought he detected a hint of a knowing smile on his friend's face, but he was too distracted to think much of it. Instead, he strode across the room and stopped next to Seven's chair, setting the book in front of her.
"I brought your book back," he said, flashing her a shy smile and nodding at the copy of Lord of the Flies. "I, er, left a bookmark in there for you."
She opened the book and peered down at the scrap of parchment, and her face broke into a wide smile as she read the brief note.
"Thanks," she said, and her fingers brushed against his for a moment before she shoved the scrap of parchment between the pages and shut the book.
"See you later," Remus said, waving and returning to his seat, hoping his smile wasn't too obvious.
He forced himself to wait several minutes, tapping his foot under the table as he struggled to keep from turning around to look at Seven. After what he deemed a reasonable amount of time, he stood up again.
"I'm going to get another book," he announced. "Anyone need anything?"
"No, but hurry back, because I'm going to need a study break soon, and you know my favorite study break activity is annoying you," Sirius said, drumming his fingers against the table as he stared down at his parchment.
"I'll do my best," Remus said, setting off for the deserted section near the back of the library. When he arrived Seven was already there, perusing the shelf of books with her hands shoved into her pockets.
"Hi," she said, keeping her voice low. "I was hoping I'd find you in here." She stood on tiptoe to kiss him, and a stray piece of hair that had pulled free of her braid tickled his face as she leaned in.
"I'm glad you came looking," he replied, taking her hands and glancing around to make sure they were really alone before he took a step closer to her. "I missed you last night."
She sighed. "I missed you too. I wanted to ask you to meet in the usual spot, but I was so exhausted after practice I just went straight to bed. I was too tired to even read."
"That arsehole Quidditch captain is working you too hard," Remus said, grinning. "Want me to hex him for you?"
She laughed softly and shook her head. "No, that's all right. It's good for us to train hard. It means we'll be ready for the first match. It just means I'm not getting through as many books, which is a bit sad, but not the end of the world. Oh, by the way, what did you think of Lord of the Flies?"
"Loved it. I think my favorite part was reading all your little annotations." He had found himself
smiling as he squinted at the page to make out her cramped notations scribbled in the margins. "You know, I wouldn't mind if you wrote some notes when you borrow my books. I like reading your thoughts as they occur to you."
She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I thought you were opposed to writing in your books. You're always giving Evans a hard time for even folding the corners of her pages."
"Well, that's because only savages fold their pages," Remus said, shrugging. "And I am normally against writing in books, but I'll make an exception for you."
"Ooh, I feel special." She smiled up at him, taking a step closer so they were standing just inches apart. "Why are you going to make an exception for me?"
"Well, because you have good ideas about books," he said, resting his free hand on her waist and feeling his heart speed up as he felt the warmth of her skin beneath the thin fabric of her shirt. "And because I really like you."
"I guess that's fair." She kissed him again, and for a moment Remus lost track of the dusty stack of books and the hushed atmosphere of the library. When she pulled away, her cheeks were flushed and her lips looked slightly swollen. "Am I allowed to fold pages, too?"
"I dunno, I think that's pushing it," Remus murmured, pulling her to him once more. He felt like they were the only two people in the world, tucked away back here out of sight of prying eyes, and he wished they could somehow stay here forever.
When they broke apart again, Remus glanced at his watch and sighed. "We should probably get back, otherwise they might come looking for us."
Seven nodded, a look of regret clouding her face. "You're probably right."
Remus hesitated, sensing her reluctance to leave. "I'm sorry it's like this. I've been trying to convince myself to tell everyone, but…" His voice trailed off as he struggled to put the confused tangle of emotions into words.
She shook her head and put a hand on his arm. "It's okay. It can be a secret for as long as you want it to. I don't mind." She kissed him one last time, and it somehow assuaged all the doubts and worries tumbling around Remus's head. "Want to meet up in the reading spot tomorrow night, if I'm not too dead from practice?"
He nodded, already looking forward to it. "If you're too tired, I can read to you, if you like."
"I'd like that."
She smiled at him for another moment before setting off for her table. He waited a minute to return to his own table, grinning like an idiot among the novels and books about Muggle history and marveling at her remarkable ability to put a smile on his face.
Friday, October 14, 1977
The usual Friday night chatter and laughter filled the common room as Sirius dealt out another round of Exploding Snap. He was seated cross-legged on the floor next to Mary, and the fire warmed his back as he set the last card in front of Peter and picked up his own hand. Mary's knee rested against his, and she leaned her head against his shoulder and heaved a sigh of contentment.
"Knock it off, Macdonald. I know you're just trying to get a look at my cards," he said, jerking his hand out of view and setting it down on the floor.
"It's not like you haven't been peeking at my cards all night," Mary said, shoving his shoulder. "You saw him, Lily, didn't you?"
Lily looked up from organizing her cards and grinned. "You've both been cheating the whole game. Just deplorable. But somehow neither of you have managed to win." Her face lit up as she spotted James striding across the common room, looking tired but cheerful after a long Quidditch practice.
"Hi," she said, standing to greet him. "Want your chair?"
"We can share," he said, kissing her before taking a seat and gesturing for her to sit on his lap.
"Hang on, I'll deal you in," Sirius said, reaching for the Exploding Snap deck. "But you have to actually pay attention instead of snogging the whole time and missing your turn."
James peered around Lily to grin at Sirius. "I'll try, mate. No promises, though."
"Don't worry, I'll make sure he pays attention," Lily said, turning around to run a hand through James's hair.
"Don't act all innocent, Evans," Sirius said, raising his eyebrows. "You're just as bad as Prongs. Isn't she, Moony?" He turned to Remus for confirmation, but when his words were met with only silence, he raised his voice and repeated, "Moony?"
Remus had been staring across the common room, but he snapped his head back to face Sirius and grinned. "Sorry, what?"
Sirius frowned. "I'm having a go at Prongs and Evans for groping each other instead of paying attention to the game, try to keep up."
He dealt James in and played the first card to start the game, chuckling as James and Lily pretended to focus on the game while finding every excuse to touch each other. When Peter threw down a card and ended the game, grinning in triumph, Lily glanced at James and raised her eyebrows.
"Should we, er, go get everyone a snack from the kitchens?" she suggested, blushing despite the determined nonchalance in her voice.
"Is that what they're calling it these days?" Sirius asked, exchanging a knowing look with Mary.
"Some people prefer to use euphemisms rather than announcing to the entire room what sex position they're about to do," Remus said as he gathered up the Exploding Snap cards.
Sirius shrugged. "I just don't see the point. Just say you're going to shag if you're going to shag. When you say you're going to the kitchens to get a snack, you better bring me back a damn biscuit."
"We'll get you a biscuit," James assured him, standing up after Lily slid off of his lap. "It just might be a bit, that's all." He reached for Lily's hand and led her across the room towards the portrait hole, waving to the group over his shoulder as he went.
"I wouldn't hold out for that biscuit, Padfoot," Peter said, grinning. "I can make a trip to the kitchens instead, if you like."
Sirius shook his head. "Nah, that's all right." He turned to Mary. "You want to go upstairs?"
Mary nodded and got to her feet, stretching after sitting on the floor for so long. "If they really do bring back snacks, have them bring us up a couple of biscuits, will you?" she asked, setting off for the staircase.
Sirius stood up and held up a hand. "Hang on, I haven't told Moony what sex position we're planning to do."
"That's all right, I can use my imagination," Remus said, rolling his eyes.
Sirius shrugged. "Suit yourself," he said as he followed Mary to the staircase. "Don't have too much fun without us!"
"You think they're going to shag tonight?" Mary asked. They had reached the dormitory, and she slipped off her shoes and sprawled out on Sirius's bed with her head propped up on her hand.
"No chance." He kicked off his shoes and wriggled out of his trousers, then stripped off his shirt for good measure and left it all in a heap on the floor before stretching out beside Mary. "I told you. They'll want rose petals and candles and all that rubbish, and they're not going to set all that up in a broom cupboard or empty classroom."
"That's true." She trailed her hand across his chest and grinned. "You didn't waste any time taking your clothes off, did you?"
"I dunno why you're still dressed," Sirius said, his fingers already working at the buttons on her shirt. He kissed her neck, breathing in her familiar scent, and for a moment he was overcome with an unexpected rush of emotion . His fingers faltered as he fought the urge to speak words he couldn't recall ever allowing himself to think, never mind speak aloud sober. There was something about her hair tumbling into her face, her shoes discarded at the foot of his bed next to his own pile of clothes, her hand resting on his chest and tracing his scar as she always did, something in this combination of ordinary details that made him want to express sentiments in a way that terrified him.
"You all right?" she murmured, slipping off her shirt and tossing it onto the floor. "You have a funny look on your face."
The sound of her voice jarred him from whatever strange epiphany he had been experiencing, and as she leaned in and kissed him, her hair tickled his face and her lips felt warm against his. He let this drive away the lingering feelings he did not know how to handle so he could focus on the task at hand, which at the moment was removing Mary's trousers.
"Guess it's just us again," Peter said, slouching down in his chair and gesturing at the empty seats recently vacated by their friends. "Fancy a game of chess?"
Remus risked another glance across the room at Seven. She was talking to her friends, but she seemed to sense his gaze and looked up at him, raising her eyebrows and jerking her head in the direction of the portrait hole. He hesitated for a moment, then gave her a tiny nod and turned his attention back to Peter.
"I think I'm going to go to the library for a bit," he said, hoping the long walk would discourage Peter from offering to join him. "I forgot to get a book earlier. Do you mind?"
Peter shrugged and settled even further into his chair. "Nah, that's all right. I'll stay here and make sure the first years don't steal our seats."
Remus felt a sudden pang of guilt as he imagined Peter sitting alone by the fire while the rest of them snogged in various parts of the castle, and he almost opened his mouth to say he'd changed his mind and he wouldn't be going anywhere after all, but then he spotted Seven waving goodbye to her friends as she headed for the portrait hole and his doubts evaporated.
"Okay. I'll be back in a bit," he said, an apologetic note in his voice as he stood up and strode across the room and out into the corridor.
He set off for the tapestry that hid the reading spot and caught up to Seven just a little ways down the corridor. She was leaning against the wall waiting for him, smiling although she looked half asleep.
"Hi," she said, glancing around to make sure they were alone before taking his hand and leading the way to the tapestry. "I feel a bit bad, stealing you away and leaving Pettigrew all alone on a Friday night. Where did everyone else go?"
Remus glanced sideways at her and grinned. "Shagging. Or snogging. Or somewhere in between." His smile faltered as he once again pictured Peter sitting alone in their usual spot. "I do feel a bit bad, but it's not like I'll be gone that long, and I'm sure he doesn't mind."
"Well, I'm glad you came." She drew to a stop and pushed the tapestry aside, then stepped through and pulled Remus in after her before releasing his hand and collapsing onto the pile of pillows.
"You look exhausted," Remus observed, watching her stifle a yawn as she tucked a blanket over her legs. "I wouldn't have been offended if you ditched me to go to bed." He sat down beside her and rested a hand on her shoulder, a concerned expression on his face.
"I'm okay. It's just been a long week, that's all." She hesitated, fiddling with a corner of the blanket, then looked up at him with a tired smile on her face. "But if you were serious before when you offered to read to me, I'd like that." She rummaged around under the blanket for a moment before pulling out a small paperback novel and handing it to him.
Remus grinned. "Did you have this in your back pocket?" She carried a book with her almost everywhere she went, a habit he found both endearing and practical.
"Yeah, always be prepared, you know?" She rested a hand on his knee, frowning. "But if you don't want to-"
Remus put a finger to her lips. "Don't be silly, of course I want to. Hang on, let me get comfortable." He placed several pillows behind his back and propped himself up, then draped a blanket over his legs. "You can put your head in my lap if you like." He frowned, wondering if that was a strange thing to suggest, but she was already settling her head in his lap and adjusting the blanket so that it covered every exposed inch.
"Your lap is very comfortable," she said, smiling up at him. "By the way, there's a bookmark so you'll know where to start."
The blanket was pulled up to her chin, and her eyes were already half shut as she nestled against him. Remus watched her for a moment, overcome with affection for this girl who worked twice as hard as he did, yet for reasons he could not explain she preferred to spend Friday night with him rather than sleeping. He bent to kiss her forehead, then opened the book and began to read.
Ten minutes later Remus finished a chapter, then glanced down to find Seven fast asleep, wearing a peaceful expression that wiped away the weariness and dark circles. Smiling, he brushed a strand of hair out of her face, careful not to wake her, then tucked the blanket more tightly around her body. His leg was starting to go numb, and he shifted it with slow, cautious movements until it was in a better position. It still wasn't what he would describe as comfortable, but he could endure it if it meant he didn't have to disturb Seven. She stirred in her sleep, and he froze, but her eyes remained closed as she curled closer to him and continued her steady, slow breathing. Breathing a sigh of relief, he opened the book again and started reading the next chapter to himself.
The silence of the empty corridor seemed even more pronounced after the noise of the crowded common room, and James and Lily walked without speaking for a minute, enjoying each others' company without the distraction of being surrounded by other people. James glanced over at Lily, noticing her flushed cheeks and elevated breathing, and seeing her anticipation increased his own until he murmured, "Hang on," and pulled her to him. One hand rested on the small of her back while the other tangled in her hair, and she pressed against him until he felt the cold stone of the wall. They stayed this way for several minutes, neither of them caring that they might be discovered at any moment, until Lily finally came to her senses and pulled away.
"What was that for?" she asked, her eyes bright and her shirt rumpled.
James grinned and shrugged. "I dunno. Just couldn't help myself." He allowed himself to study Lily for another moment as he experienced one of the sudden moments of awe and disbelief that still struck him from time to time. Looking at her standing there with a flustered, pleased expression on her face as the torchlight reflected off her tousled hair, he marveled at his own good luck, because despite his years of unending optimism, some part of himself had always doubted that Lily would ever return his feelings. Yet here they were, holding hands and beaming at each other after desperately snogging in the middle of the corridor.
"Are you going to just stand there staring at me like an idiot, or are you going to bring me somewhere to continue snogging me?" Lily said, and her voice snapped James out of his reverie.
"Sorry," he said, shaking his head but still wearing the same wide, dazed grin. "Let's go down here a bit, because I'd very much like to continue snogging you. I thought we'd try that little shortcut down to the fifth floor, if that's all right. Sirius rates it pretty highly and said there might even still be a blanket and pillow shoved in a corner, although we'll want to do a good strong cleaning spell on it…"
They set off down the corridor again until James drew to a stop outside the hidden door to the shortcut. He opened the door and gestured for Lily to go first, but she hesitated, an unreadable expression clouding her face.
"You all right?" he asked, a note of concern in his voice as he touched her shoulder.
"Yeah, I just…" She took a deep breath and met his gaze. "I hope I'm not being unfair to you."
He frowned. "What do you mean?"
She bit her lip but didn't look away. "I feel like I'm being a horrible tease, asking you to 'go to the kitchens with me' and putting my hands all over you in the middle of the corridor and snogging you in broom cupboards and all sorts of out of the way places, even though we're not - I mean, I'm not ready to…"
"Evans." James drew her into an embrace, because he couldn't bear to see the uncertainty and worry weighing on her. He felt her relax against him, and when he pulled away he saw that some of the tension had eased from her face. "It's okay," he said, taking both of her hands in his and looking her in the eye. "You're not being unfair, and you're not a horrible tease. I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything you're not ready for, because it should feel right for both of us, you know?"
Her face broke into a grateful smile. "You're sure?"
"I'm sure." He leaned forward and kissed her softly. "And if you'd rather just go back to the common room, that's okay."
She shook her head, then kissed him again, more desperate and hungry than the last gentle, light brush of his lips against hers. "I don't want to go back to the common room," she said when she pulled away, a glint of desire in her eyes as she led him through the door and closed it behind them. She leaned in close to him, and he felt his breath catch in his throat as her lips brushed against his ear. "You're so understanding and patient and sweet. I just want to do something nice for you."
"Like what?" he murmured, but her fingers soon answered his question, and he closed his eyes and sighed as he let her touch and the sound of his own breathing drown everything else out.
Peter sat slumped in his chair as he idly shuffled the Exploding Snap cards, listening to Sirius's first year buddy strum the guitar that had replaced his ukulele. The chattering students and crackling fire usually gave him a cozy, homey feeling, yet tonight the room felt noisy and stuffy. He glanced at the staircase, but it was too early to go to bed if he didn't want to run the risk of seeing Sirius and Mary naked. Remus had left a copy of Lord of the Rings on the arm of his chair, and Peter picked it up and read most of the first page before tossing it aside in irritation. He was filled with a restless frustration, and after several more minutes of glowering into the fire he stood up and left the common room.
Peter felt less annoyed as soon as he left behind the crowded warmth of the common room, and once he ducked into an alcove and transformed he felt even better. The freedom of the cool, empty corridors and his smaller, simpler form dulled the loneliness and anger that had been nagging at him ever since Remus had left him behind to meet up with Seven. As a rat his emotions were less complex, and he was grateful for this, because he did not much want to examine the sense of abandonment that had led him to flee the common room tonight.
He kept to the edge of the corridors as he made his way to his destination, scurrying out of sight twice when he heard footsteps approaching. When he reached the painting of a bowl of fruit that hid the entrance to the kitchens, he glanced around to make sure the corridor was deserted before darting into a closet he had seen several Hufflepuffs use for smoking purposes. A whiff of stale marijuana smoke hung in the air as he transformed into his human form before stepping back out into the corridor to tickle the pear and enter the kitchens.
The high ceilings and the ever-present smell of food always lifted Peter's spirits, even if he was only stopping in for a minute to get snacks for his friends. It had been ages since he had been in here for any other purpose, and several house elves started gathering up biscuits and sandwiches as soon as they spotted him.
"No, I'm not here for that," he said, shaking his head when a smiling house elf offered him a treacle tart. "I was just hoping to use the oven for a bit, like I used to, if that's still all right."
It had taken months for him to work up the courage to come down here on his own; once he had gotten as far as tickling the pear before he lost his nerve and retreated back to the common room. When he had finally managed to force himself through the door to stammer out his request, he stood there staring at his feet, convinced the house elves would ask him to leave, or worse, laugh. But of course they hadn't. Once they understood his request (at first they kept trying to make biscuits for him) they had set out the ingredients he requested and left him alone. Peter had taken a moment to admire the spacious kitchen with its gleaming countertops and soaring ceiling and enormous oven before setting to work baking a batch of chocolate biscuits that Sirius claimed were the best biscuits the house elves had ever made.
Baking was Peter's escape, his way of clearing his head when doubt and worry and insecurity threatened to paralyze him. He and his mother had spent long hours in the cramped kitchen, spilling flour on the floor and smearing icing on the counter until they were both laughing too hard to try the steaming biscuits, and Peter longed to attain this happy, homey feeling even far away from his mother's little cottage. When classes were too much, or the Animagus process felt impossible, he would steal James's Invisibility Cloak and slip away at night to find solace in the silence of the kitchens and the calming rhythm of stirring batter. By the time the tantalizing scent wafted out from the oven and he set the finished product to cool on the counter, Peter felt like he could write that complex Potions essay or master that difficult Transfiguration spell or give it one more try to keep the mandrake leaf in his mouth for a full month. There was something about the particular steps to combine the distinct ingredients into something cohesive that gave him that peaceful, focused look that James wore while running or playing Quidditch, and he found himself spending so many nights this way during fourth and fifth year that the house elves began anticipating his visits and always seemed to have his favorite ingredients ready.
Tonight he requested the ingredients for a lemon cake and he set to work, feeling the familiar sense of calm as soon as his fingers grasped the spoon. Here, sifting flour and creaming butter and sugar alone in the enormous kitchen, he didn't feel lonely, and he wondered if he had overreacted earlier. After all, this certainly wouldn't be the first time, and he would need to figure out how to adapt to the new circumstances. It wasn't that he didn't like Evans or Macdonald; in fact, in the last year he had stopped feeling awkward around them to the point where he now considered them both friends. He even liked Seven, even though he could count the conversations he'd had with her on one hand. No, the fear that nagged at the back of his mind was the fear of being forgotten, obsolete, left behind. Because without his friends, without their tight-knit group and inside jokes and fierce protection of each other, what did he have?
As he sat down on the flagged stone floor to wait for his cake to bake, he mulled this over, fortifying himself with memories of all the times his friends had defended him, or helped him with difficult homework, or talked him around when he was convinced he was too stupid or too afraid to do something. He remembered eleven-year-old James hexing Mulciber and Avery after they had teased Peter for being too cowardly to be in Gryffindor; he pictured Remus's face the morning after their first full moon together, pinched with exhaustion but lit by an expression of gratitude and hope; he recalled one of Sirius's rare drunken bursts of affection, the words slurred by alcohol and muffled by the sound of a crackling fire and James's laughter: I have your back, and you're one of my best mates, even if you do have bloody awful taste in girls and you can't stay awake at parties.
By the time he pulled the cake out of the oven, steaming and fragrant, he was feeling much more reassured. Just because some things were changing didn't mean everything had to, and he felt himself smile as he wrapped the cake in a cloth and waved goodbye to the few house elves in sight before exiting the kitchen and heading back to the common room. He quickened his pace, trying to come up with a plausible excuse for his absence, but when he stepped through the portrait hole he saw that their usual spots by the fire were still empty. They must be having a good time, he thought with only a tinge of jealousy. Setting down the cake, he sat down in his chair and picked up Lord of the Rings again, determined to give it another try.
Monday, October 17, 1977
"Macdonald, what're you wearing?" Sirius frowned at Mary as she pulled an old jumper over her head and tossed it aside, revealing the faded Queen t-shirt she wore underneath.
She glanced down at her clothing and grinned. "Comfy clothes, because I'm really done with today and just want to go to bed, but I have to finish this homework first, so I figured I could at least be comfortable." She leaned in closer to him and lowered her voice. "Can you tell I'm not wearing a bra? Because at first I thought Remus might have a rule about it, but I also figured he would be too embarrassed to ever mention something like that."
"Bloody hell, you're not, are you?" His eyes lingered on the thin fabric that left little to the imagination until she shoved him and crossed her arms over her chest. "What? You're the one who mentioned it," Sirius said, chuckling. "Anyway, there's no rule against it. If anything, going braless in the common room is encouraged. But don't try to distract me. Is that or is that not my t-shirt that you're wearing?"
She tried to adjust the shirt so it was not quite so snug, but after a moment she gave up. "Technically, yes, but I've been wearing it to sleep in for the past three days, so I thought I'd sort of inherited it." The worn t-shirt pulled even tighter as she tossed back her hair and rearranged her position in front of the fire. "Anyway, I think it looks better on me, anyway."
Sirius frowned. Had she been wearing it to bed? Somehow he had failed to notice. Or had he noticed and pushed the thought aside, unwilling to admit he was fine with an act that had obvious relationship connotations? Even as this thought crossed his mind, he couldn't deny the little rush of pleasure he felt when he saw her stretched out in front of the fire in his old Queen shirt, and when he thought about her curled next to him in bed, wearing nothing except that same shirt and her knickers. And damn it, she was right. It did look better on her.
"That's not true," he said once he managed to quell the unexpected surge of affection her words had prompted. "You didn't wear anything to bed Friday night."
"Right, and I almost gave poor Remus a heart attack when I got up to go to the loo half asleep and forgot I wasn't wearing anything," Mary said, flashing Remus a sheepish smile. "That's why I borrowed the shirt. Besides, I took that jumper from your trunk as well, and I didn't hear you complaining about that at all."
Sirius glanced at the jumper and grinned. "That's because that jumper is Moony's."
"So it's fine for me to steal his clothes but not yours?" she asked, rolling her eyes. "Shut up and tell me how good I look in this shirt, and then help me with this essay so I can go to bed at a reasonable hour."
The teasing note in her tone and the way her fingers rested on his knee made it impossible to argue, so he sighed and toyed with a stray curl that fell into her face. "You do look damn good in that shirt." He opened his textbook and pulled his own parchment and quill towards him, then glanced over at Mary's essay. "Right, let's get this essay done."
Remus stared down at his textbook, his eyes scanning the pages for the information he needed. He smiled to himself as he listened to Sirius and Mary squabble over a borrowed t-shirt. And they still insist they're not a couple, Remus though, chuckling softly as he turned a page. He had almost finished the chapter when he looked up to see James striding across the room to greet Lily with a kiss before plopping down in usual chair.
"Hullo, tossers. Practice was excellent, if you were wondering. Seven perfected the bloody Wronski Feint. Slytherin doesn't stand a chance against us." He grinned around at the group before tugging Lily down onto his lap.
Remus tried to focus on James's detailed account of the successful practice, but his gaze kept drifting to the portrait hole. Ten minutes later he happened to glance up when Seven entered the room, and he caught her eye and raised his eyebrows. She glanced at the door and nodded, and he tried to keep the joy and anticipation from showing through on his face.
"Have you been listening to any of this, Moony?" James asked, his smile faltering. "This is good stuff, absolute Quidditch gold."
"What?" Remus blinked several times and tried to make sense of the question, his mind already in the cozy little alcove, imagining himself tucked under a blanket with Seven. "Sorry, I'm having trouble focusing in here. I think I'll go to the library for a bit."
"Is it because Macdonald isn't wearing a bra?" Sirius asked. "Because I tried to tell her it's a required article of clothing for the common room, but she told me to sod off. Quite rude, really."
"Sod off, Black. You're never getting this shirt back now," Mary said.
"What?" Remus repeated, shaking his head in exasperation. "Merlin, no, that's nothing to do with it, it's just loud in here."
He shoved his books into his bag and stood up, and for a moment he was sure Peter was going to offer to come with him. He waited, hoping his expression would convey his desire to be alone, and it must have worked, because Peter made no move to join him. Instead, he grinned and said, "Good luck," before returning to his own homework. Not wanting to push his luck, Remus waved and left the common room before anyone could ask him any questions or wonder why he was so eager to go to the library.
He reached the reading spot before Seven and sat down with a book to wait for her, but he hadn't even managed to read a page before she burst through the tapestry and sat down beside him.
"Hi!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. When she released him, he noticed her eyes were lit with a feverish excitement, and the weariness of last Monday was nowhere to be found. "Sorry I took a bit. I was telling my friends about practice. It, er, went really well."
Remus grinned, amused to see her in this state when she was usually so calm and reserved. "I heard. James is quite proud of you. He said you've mastered the, er, well, I forget what he called it, but it sounded impressive."
She chuckled and took his hand. "It's called the Wronski Feint, but impressive seems a bit generous. It is rather advanced and dangerous, but it's not really that bad if you practice it enough."
"James was practically bouncing in his seat, he was so excited. He went on about it for at least five minutes. He wouldn't be that thrilled for nothing, so I'd say it's definitely impressive." He watched her smile widen at his praise, and he marveled at how much joy it brought him to make her happy. "I can't wait to see you play in a couple weeks."
"Really? I didn't think you were much of a Quidditch fan." There was a teasing note in her voice, and Remus knew she was phrasing this in the kindest way possible.
"Well, I'm not, really. I mean, I enjoy watching the Gryffindor matches, but my knowledge of Quidditch is pretty rubbish. But I'm looking forward to seeing you play, because it's you, and I always like seeing you play. Even someone like me who has only a basic understanding of the game can tell how talented you are."
Although he had never told anyone this, for the past two years he had spent most of the Gryffindor Quidditch matches with his eyes trained on Seven. On several occasions he was forced to fake his way through conversations with his friends about exciting plays he had missed because he was too busy watching Seven dodge Bludgers and scan the area for the Snitch. When Seven got injured during the last match of the season and insisted on finishing out the game, broken ribs and all, Remus had been so anxious for her safety that he wasn't able to relax for a full hour after the match had ended and she was resting in the hospital wing.
"You're sweet." She kissed him, and she didn't stop smiling even as her lips pressed against his. "I just train hard and have a good captain, that's all."
"No, I'm pretty sure you're incredibly talented, but what do I know?" he said, grinning as an idea occurred to him. "But you know, if you wanted to try to explain the finer points of Quidditch to me, I'd be happy to listen. You could tell me what in the name of Merlin a Wronski Feint is, and maybe I can say something intelligent and impress James the next time he's banging on about Quidditch." He frowned and added, "Unless you don't want to and would rather read instead, obviously."
"No, I'm way too excited to read." She adjusted her position so she was facing him, then tucked a blanket over their legs. "Right, so the first thing you've got to understand is Seeking isn't just about catching the Snitch. Diversionary tactics are just as important, because sometimes you've got to stall for time and let the Chasers score a certain amount of points before you can even think about catching the Snitch."
Her face revealed her passion for the subject as the words tumbled out of her mouth, and Remus couldn't help smiling at her unabashed enthusiasm. He felt content and cozy with their legs brushing against each other under the blanket, and once again he couldn't believe his luck as he settled in to listen. Normally his mind would make the leap from happy disbelief to guilt and self-doubt, because someone like him couldn't possibly deserve someone like her, except since she had first kissed him in the library he had managed to keep these thoughts at bay. They weren't eradicated, exactly, just buried beneath the moments of pure bliss he and Seven shared in their little hideaway. Remus had a vague sense that he would have to address these issues at some point, but for now he was happy to sit here under a blanket while Seven described the pros and cons of Seeker defensive moves.
"We should get back, don't you think?" Seven asked, reaching for Remus's hand to check the time on his watch. "Not that I want to, or anything, but it's getting late. I don't want your friends to get suspicious."
They had exhausted the topic of Quidditch maneuvers and were now stretched out underneath the blankets with their arms around each other. Remus looked at his watch and sighed, reluctant to leave the warm safety of Seven's embrace among the tangle of blankets and pillows.
"You're probably right," he said, although he made no move to get up. "I dunno how they haven't already gotten suspicious, to be honest. I mean, I suppose James and Lily are too obsessed with each other to notice anything, and Sirius and Mary are too busy shagging or trying to convince everyone that they're not dating, but Peter has no excuse."
Seven frowned and didn't respond for a bit. When she did speak, she wore a thoughtful expression and seemed to be choosing her words with care. "Are you sure he doesn't know?"
Remus replayed his most recent interactions with Peter, searching for some comment or gesture that hinted at his knowledge, but as Seven occupied his mind more often than not these days, he could only recall vague details of these conversations.
"I don't think so," he replied, frowning. "He hasn't said anything."
"But that's the thing," she said. "Would he say anything?"
Remus considered this. While Sirius and James tended to blurt out whatever came to mind, Peter was more inclined to mull things over on his own before taking any action. It wouldn't be unlike Peter to keep quiet if he suspected there was something going on.
"Maybe not," he said after a moment. "You think he knows?"
She sighed. "I do. I have for a bit, actually, but I didn't want to bring it up because I was afraid it would scare you and make you want to call this off." She removed her arm from his shoulder and began to toy with the end of her braid, some of the relaxed joy fading from her face.
"Hey." He cupped the side of her face and kissed her, unable to bear the anxiety he was causing her. "I'm not going to call this off." He pulled her hand away from her braid and laced his fingers through hers. "I'm afraid if I do I'll never get all my books back."
She smiled, although a hint of worry still lingered in her eyes. "That's fair."
"Besides, if he does know, I don't think he'll tell anyone else," Remus continued. "If he's kept it hush hush for this long, why say something now? And even if he does, maybe that's all right. Maybe I don't care anymore."
He looked at the girl next to him, taking in her wide, serious eyes, the strands of hair that had pulled free from her braid, the mouth that became a thin line of concentration when she read something complex. Now that he had spent so much time in her company, snogging and reading together and talking about books and Quidditch and whatever else came to mind, he couldn't imagine going back to occasional conversations and admiring her from afar. Surely he could manage the insecurity and doubts that would surface once his friends found out if it meant he could continue this, whatever this was.
Seven stayed behind to give him a head start, and he smiled the whole walk back to the common room, her last kiss still lingering on his lips. When he stepped through the portrait hole, he saw that Peter was the only one left seated in the cluster of chairs by the fire.
"Did everyone else already go to bed?" Remus asked, leaning against the back of the chair across from Peter's. He glanced around and realized he and Peter were alone in the common room, except for Bubbles and his girlfriend who were snogging on the sofa near the window.
"Well, Prongs and Evans went to say a proper goodnight," Peter said, smirking. "Whatever that means. They've been gone for a bit. And Padfoot and Macdonald went up to the dormitory about a half hour ago. I was trying to wait another ten minutes or so, just to be safe."
Remus chuckled. "That's probably wise."
"Did you get all your homework done? You've been gone a while."
Remus studied his face, wondering if he detected a knowing glint in his friend's eyes or if he was simply imagining it.
"Yeah, I did," he replied in what he hoped was a nonchalant tone. "And then I dozed off for a bit and woke up to see Madam Pince giving me a dirty look. I thought she was going to dock me points, because that's the third time she's found me sleeping in there after hours, but I guess she was feeling nice, because she just let me go." The words tumbled out of his mouth, and he knew he was rambling, but once he started it was hard to stop.
"Well, that's lucky," Peter said, and this time Remus was sure he was not imagining the hint of suspicion masked in the innocuous words.
"I suppose I have been pretty lucky lately," Remus said. He bit his lip, surprised to find himself teetering on the edge of confessing everything, but he bit back the urge and grinned. "You think it's safe to go up to bed now?"
Peter hesitated, and Remus could see him teetering on the edge of revealing what he knew, but he must have decided against it, because he returned Remus's grin and stood up.
"Yeah, should be. But why don't you go first and tell me if the coast is clear?"
Later when Remus was tucked under his blankets surrounded by the soothing sounds of his friends' slow breathing, he let his mind drift back to his conversation with Peter. Like a finger exploring a bruise, he considered the possibility of talking to Peter about sneaking around with Seven, trying to determine whether the relief of revealing the secret would outweigh the anxiety it caused him just thinking about it. The sound of Peter's soft snores made his eyes feel heavy, however, and he fell asleep before he could decide.