This Is Why We Get Along So Well

by Patriceavril

"Thanks, Evans," Sirius said, taking another sip from the flask before passing it across to her. "Did you mean that? About being scared, I mean?" She took a swallow of firewhisky and nodded. "Course I did. Why do you think I'm not dating James yet? It's okay to be scared. It's perfectly normal. Having feelings for someone, putting yourself out there, being in a relationship - that

17. Do you like my antlers?

Thursday, October 20, 1977

Lily glowered down at her Transfiguration textbook as though it had done her a personal injustice. The words began to blur on the page, and she rubbed her eyes and sighed, then rested her head in her hands as she thought about the daunting amount of reading she still needed to accomplish tonight.

"You all right?" James asked, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm fine." She picked up her head and took a deep breath. "Just a bit stressed, that's all, but it's fine." She turned to face him and covered his hand with hers, then leaned over and kissed him. As their lips met she felt some of her worry ease, and when she returned to the book her task felt a bit more manageable.

"Want me to rub your shoulders?" James offered.

"No, don't," Mary advised him. "If she makes noises like the ones you make, Madam Pince is going to rush over here to kick us out because she thinks one of us is getting handsy under the table."

James chuckled. "All right, no shoulder rub. Actually, you know what might help you feel less stressed? You should come for a run with me tomorrow morning. It always helps me feel better when I feel like I have too much going on." He grinned and ran a hand through his hair. "I'll go as slow as you need me to."

"Ugh, no, Prongs, how is forcing her to run going to make her less stressed?" Sirius asked, tipping back in his chair and aiming a bit of crumpled parchment at Mary's head.

"Do any of you know anything about Xylomancy?" Mary asked, batting away the parchment so that it landed next to her book.

Sirius frowned. "The fuck is Xylomancy?"

Mary sighed and turned a page in her textbook, then looked up again in irritation. "It's a method of Divination using twigs." She grinned as Sirius burst into laughter, then picked up the crumpled bit of parchment and tossed it back at him. "Sod you. How do you think I feel? I'm the one that has to bloody learn about it."

"It's not my fault Divination is a rubbish class. I don't understand why you even took it in the first place."

She scowled and shook her head. "Seemed like a good idea at the time," she said before standing up and wandering off to the Divination section.

"Anyway, what do you think, Evans?" James asked, returning to the original topic of conversation. "Will you go for a run with me?"

Lily looked up from the book and smiled at him, touched by James's eagerness to help. "That's sweet of you to offer, but I'm not much of a runner."

"Anyone can be a runner," he insisted. "Come on, it won't be that bad."

She raised her eyebrows. "Is a werewolf going to be chasing me? Because that's the only way you're getting me to run."

James and Sirius exchanged a brief but meaningful look before their eyes flickered back to Lily and their expressions became cheerful and nonchalant once again. Sirius crumpled up another bit of parchment and tried to land it in Lily's bag, and James looked back at Lily and laughed. Their casual behavior was flawless, and yet she couldn't forget that flash of panic that had passed between them. She stared at James, her eyes wide with comprehension, as her tired brain pieced together the evidence she had been pointedly ignoring over the past few months.

"Merlin," she murmured, glancing around to see if Remus had noticed her reaction before remembering he and Peter had gone in search of books. "That's it, isn't it?" She covered her mouth with her hand and stared from James to Sirius, waiting for one of them to respond, say something, anything to break this tense silence. Her words hung in the air as James and Sirius hesitated, as though Lily might retract her question if they made her wait long enough.

Finally, Sirius stopped leaning backwards in his chair and sighed. "Shit."

"We can't talk about it here," James muttered, scanning the area to be sure nobody was listening in. "Let's finish up here and then later-"

"No." Lily stood up and tugged at his hand. "You think I can concentrate on Transfiguration right now? Fucking hell. We're talking about this now."
James and Sirius looked at each other again, and Lily could sense all that passed between them even though no words were spoken. After a moment, James raised his eyebrows and Sirius nodded, and then they both stood up.

"Come on, then," James said, jerking his head in the direction of the door, and Lily pushed back her chair and followed them out of the library and down the corridor, the pounding of her heart increased by their silence and serious expressions.

"So is he-" she began, but James cut her off.

"Not here," he said, turning to her with wide eyes. "He'd be furious if we talked about it out in the open like this."

Lily considered this, trying to think of a time she had seen Remus even approach furious. Other than his annoyance at his friends for silly shenanigans like playing the ukulele too loud, charming bits of parchment to orbit his head, or using questionable words such as 'sauceless' or 'gropee,' she couldn't remember hearing him so much as raise his voice.

"I don't think I've ever seen Remus angry," she remarked as her mind flashed back to various scenarios when James and Sirius had reacted out of anger and solved a conflict with shouting or hexing, while Remus had simply shrugged off the insult or slight.

"No, you wouldn't have," Sirius said, shaking his head. "He hardly ever does. But this is the one thing that really upsets him."

Another unspoken communication passed between James and Sirius, and Lily wanted to pepper them with questions to assuage her burning curiosity, but James's warning still rang in her ears, so instead she remained silent as they marched down corridors and up staircases until they reached the portrait hole. James gave the password and they all climbed through, then there was a brief rush of talk and laughter before they were through the common room and heading up the stairs to burst into the dormitory and shut the door behind them. Sirius performed a spell to lock the door while James did a Muffliato, then they both sat down on James's bed and sat staring at Lily with expectant, resigned expressions.

Standing there with their eyes on her, Lily felt somehow hesitant to voice her questions aloud. Now that her initial jolt of comprehension had worn off, she could almost convince herself that she'd imagined the whole thing. Wouldn't it be better to let the matter drop, kinder to let Remus keep his secret, whatever it was? But after a moment of charged silence, her curiosity won out, and she sat down across from them on Sirius's bed and took a deep breath.

"Is Remus really…" The words caught in her throat, and she lowered her voice even though there was no chance of being overheard. It felt significant and final to voice the words aloud, as though they wouldn't be true until she had spoken them into the universe. "Is he really a werewolf?"

James and Sirius both nodded.

"Only werewolf I've ever met that wears bloody cardigans," Sirius said, grinning.

"I prefer to call it his furry little problem," James added. "It has a better ring to it, don't you think?"

Lily gaped at them, surprised by their joking, casual tones after they'd been so grave only minutes earlier. Could this all be some elaborate joke? But no, it couldn't be. That momentary flash of panic they had exchanged had been too genuine, too unrehearsed to fake.

"How long have you known?" she asked. "How long has he been…" She let the sentence hang there, unsure how to phrase her question.

"We figured it out during second year," Sirius said. "It's kind of embarrassing thinking back on it, because we bloody lived with him and it took us that long to put it together."

The words stung as Lily thought about the years she had been friends with Remus, patrolling the corridors and going to prefect meetings and talking about homework and muggle novels with him, and yet until recently she hadn't suspected anything.

James seemed to sense her thoughts, because he added, "But we were just kids. What the hell did we know? We did figure it out eventually and confronted him, and he ended up telling us all about it. I guess he was only four when he was bitten."

"Merlin," she breathed, appalled. "Poor Remus. It must be awful for him." She remembered all the times she had watched him stumble through classes, barely able to keep his eyes open, and all the days she had looked over during class to find his seat empty. When he returned looking more tired than before, he often had visible cuts, which faded into the scars that stood out against his pale skin. This had always struck her as odd, because Madam Pomfrey could fix minor cuts like that without even blinking an eye. Now it all made perfect, horrifying sense.

"It is pretty fucking awful," Sirius said, his grin faltering. "Not as bad as it used to be, but still. It takes a toll, you know?" He flicked his wand at the window to open it a crack, then lit a cigarette and took a long drag. "He never complains, and he tries to hide how much it affects him, but it really fucks him up for a few days before and after the full moon. And during, obviously, but like I said, that's better than it was before."
"We, er, figured out a way to make things a bit easier for him," James explained.

"But how could you?" Lily frowned, racking her brain for everything they had learned about werewolves in Defense Against the Dark Arts. "There's no cure for lycanthropy. And you couldn't be there with him - it wouldn't be safe. So what could you possibly do, other than making him a copy of notes he misses and covering prefect duties for him?"

James and Sirius glanced at each other and grinned. "Don't underestimate us, Evans," James said. "I can figure out a way around pretty much anything, if I set my mind to it. It took ages to pull it off, but we managed it in the end."

"Managed what in the end?" Their smug, knowing smiles were driving her mad, and she couldn't stand being left out of another secret. "Don't be so bloody mysterious, James, just tell me."

"Should we just show her, Prongs?" Sirius asked. "I think it'd be more impressive that way."

James nodded and ran a hand through his hair. "Oh, definitely. But if we're going for impressive, we really should go somewhere with a bit more space so I can run around. Maybe we could just go into the forest a bit?"

"Sod off, Prongs, we're not going all the way to the Forbidden Forest so you can show off for Evans," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"Well, then, what about that big open area at the beginning of the secret passage to Hogsmeade," James insisted. "You can't really appreciate what I can do if I'm just standing there."

"Rubbish." Sirius stood and dropped his cigarette butt into an empty Butterbeer bottle, then gestured for James to join him. "Evans will be plenty impressed. Do that thing where you stand up on your hind legs and sort of toss your antlers about, she'll love it."

"Sorry, toss your what about?" Lily asked, replaying his words in her head and trying to force them to make any sort of sense. "What are you talking about?"

James sighed and stood up, then pointed his wand at the beds and slid them into one corner so there was an open space in the middle of the room. Lily began to rise, assuming she was meant to join them, but James gestured for her to remain seated.

"No, you're okay there, Evans. Are you ready?" He wore that confident grin that she found irresistible, and she couldn't help returning his smile despite his infuriating refusal to answer her questions.

"No idea what I'm ready for, but sure," she said with a shrug. "Go ahead, impress me with whatever nonsense you two are on about."

"Nonsense," Sirius said, shaking his head as though deeply offended. "How dare you, Evans. This is our greatest accomplishment."

"Our best work," James added. "You'll see." He glanced at Sirius and raised his eyebrows, then Lily watched their bodies waver and mutate and become something else entirely. Several moments passed as Lily blinked, then squinted her eyes, trying to make sense of what she was seeing, because in front of her stood not the two Gryffindor boys, but a shaggy black dog and a large stag.

"Bloody fucking hell," she murmured, watching as the stag reared up on his hind legs and tossed his head around. She smiled in spite of herself as she noted that it did showcase his antlers quite nicely. Not to be outdone, the dog bounded over to her and stood on his hind legs to place his front paws on her shoulders, then sat looking at her with his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth. Out of instinct, and because the situation was so absurd and she couldn't work out any sort of reasonable response, she reached out and stroked the dog's head, then trailed her hand down to scratch his shaggy ears.

There was a loud pop, and the stag was replaced by James, who crossed his arms and glared at the black dog.

"Oi!" he shouted, striding over to shove the big paws aside. "What do you think you're doing, cozying up to my girlfriend like that?"

The dog emitted several loud barks before transforming back into Sirius. He laughed and draped an arm around James. "Relax, Prongs. She's the one who started petting me." He flashed Lily a sympathetic grin. "It's all right, I know you couldn't help it. I'm a bloody adorable dog."

"You really are," James agreed. "Sometimes I like you better as a dog, honestly. But still, no need to get all handsy."

"It doesn't count as handsy if I don't have hands," Sirius pointed out, smirking.

"Oh, for fuck's sake. Hands, paws, same bloody thing." James ran a hand through his hair in exasperation and looked at Lily as though expecting her to speak.

She stared at the two of them for a moment, trying to sift through the rush of information to formulate a coherent response. "It was just sort of an automatic response," she said, feeling ridiculous even as the words were coming out of her mouth. "If a dog comes up to me, chances are I'm going to pet it." She chuckled as her gaze drifted to Sirius. "You do dumb tongue like my dog."

"I do what?" Sirius pulled his wand from his pocket and returned the beds to their original places, then sat down across from Lily.

"Dumb tongue. It's what I call it when my dog hangs his tongue out of the side of his mouth like this." She imitated the motion, which made both Sirius and James burst into laughter.

"There's no way I look that dumb when I do it," Sirius said, appealing to James. "Do I?"

James frowned. "I dunno, it looks pretty accurate to me." He sat down next to Lily and rested a hand on her knee. "You all right? I know it's a lot." He hesitated, then went on, "Do you like my antlers?"

Lily gaped at him for a moment, then shook her head and giggled. "Yes, I like your bloody antlers, you idiot. I can't believe you managed this. How did you do it? It's supposed to be really difficult and incredibly risky and definitely illegal, and now that I'm saying all of this I realize this all sounds exactly like the sort of thing you two get up to all the time."

"Yeah, sounds about right," Sirius said, grinning.

"It wasn't as hard as you'd think," James said, then laughed when he saw Sirius's skeptical expression. "All right, it was a right pain in the arse, and it took us almost two years to pull it off, but we all managed it in the end, and it was worth it."

"You all managed it?" Lily repeated. "Peter too? What's his-"

"Rat," Sirius said. "It's okay, you can laugh. We took the piss out of him for weeks about it. It's actually pretty useful, though. He can fit into small spaces and move around the castle unnoticed, even if it's not exactly the most impressive Animagus form."

"So an Animagus in animal form isn't susceptible to a werewolf bite, is that right?" Lily asked, her brain still whirling as she put some of the disparate pieces together.

James nodded. "That's right. As long as we don't transform back into human form, we're perfectly safe."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Safe?"

"Well, relatively safe," Sirius amended. "We won't become werewolves if we get bitten, but it still fucking hurts. And the claws are bloody sharp, too." He pulled up his shirt to reveal the scar that ran across his chest and up to his shoulder.

Lily's eyes widened. "That's how you got that scar?"

"What, did you really think I got in a knife fight with a goblin?" Sirius asked, chuckling and releasing his shirt so the scar was hidden once more.

"I have one too," James said. "It's, er, pretty high up on my thigh, though, so you won't have seen it before."

"Do you want me to leave for a bit, Evans, so he can take his trousers off and show you?" Sirius asked, smirking.

"Merlin, Sirius, you're really going to tease us about shagging after what you've both just told me? What if your injuries had been worse, and you weren't able to stop the bleeding?" Her mind filled with the image of James curled on the ground, his white face creased with pain as blood blossomed from a deep gash on his leg. Fear began to speed up her heartbeat, so she forced herself to focus on the present, reaching for James's hand. The warmth of his fingers was a solid reminder that he was safe and uninjured, yet she couldn't quite shed the shaky sense of panic.

"Whatever you do, don't say that in front of Remus," James said, and Lily experienced an instant pang of guilt when she saw his grim expression. "He feels awful whenever anything goes wrong, even though it's not his fault. He has no control over what he does in that state, but he holds himself responsible all the same."

"Of course he does," she said with a sigh. "Poor Remus." She thought of him tucked under a blanket in his favorite chair by the fire, asleep with a book discarded in his lap, and felt an overwhelming urge to wrap him in a hug.

"But stuff like that hardly happens anymore," Sirius said. "We've gotten pretty good at keeping Moony in check."

"Moony," Lily repeated, as a fresh wave of comprehension washed over her. "That's where your silly nicknames come from, isn't it? Padfoot, Prongs, Wormtail - it all makes sense now. But how in the name of Merlin do you keep a werewolf in check?"

"It's not that hard, really," Sirius said, shrugging. "He's much calmer when we're there. We help keep him occupied."

"Although we've found things go much better if we sort of hang back for the actual transformation and give him a minute to sort of readapt to his wolfy body," James added. "Except for Padfoot. He doesn't seem to mind if Padfoot's right there with him the whole time."

"That's because I have a very calming presence as a dog," Sirius said. "Which is funny, because in human form I'm the complete bloody opposite. Anyway, it's not hard to keep him in line as long as you keep your wits about you and don't turn your back-"

"It also helps if you don't show up drunk," James interjected, glancing at Sirius and smirking.

"Oh, sod you, that was one time," Sirius said, sighing in exasperation.

James looked as though he was going to say something else, but before he had time Lily threw her arms around him and pressed her face against his chest.

"Why are you hugging me?" James asked. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you, because I'll take a hug from you no matter what. I'm just a bit confused about what prompted this particular hug." He returned the embrace, and for a moment she basked in the comforting closeness before pulling away.

"It's just, you're such good friends," she said, trying not to let the emotions show through in her voice, because she was not in the mood to be laughed at or called a sentimental sod. "All the time and effort to become Animagi completely on your own, and you put your safety at risk every month so Remus doesn't have to go through that alone?" She shook her head, touched by the fierce affection that was obvious in James's hazel eyes and in the way Sirius had said He's much calmer when we're there. "He's really lucky to have you as friends." After a moment's hesitation, she crossed to the opposite bed and wrapped Sirius in a hug, thinking of how terrified he must have been the night he received the long scar on his chest.

"We're lucky to have him, too," Sirius said, grinning as Lily released him and returned to her seat next to James. "Imagine if we didn't have Moony to be the voice of reason and tell us when we're being complete bloody idiots? And what the hell would Macdonald and I do for post-shagging snacks if I couldn't nick his chocolate bars?"

"We're friends," James said simply. "Friends look out for each other. Nobody should have to go through something like that alone. It's bloody ridiculous that he was just sent off to suffer through on his own."

She imagined James at twelve years old, so horrified that Remus was forced to spend every full moon alone and in excruciating pain that he resolved to find a solution, even when the task seemed daunting and impossible. Returning her attention to the present, she studied James's face, lit with compassion for his friend and indignance at the injustice of a society that would treat anyone this way. Out of nowhere she found herself thinking I'm in love with him. The thought both surprised and terrified her, and she shoved it aside to examine later, because this day had already reached its quota for shocking revelations, thank you very much.

"Where he goes to transform, it's down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow, isn't it?" Lily asked, taking deep breaths to try to calm her pounding heart. "Where does it lead?"

She recalled arguing with Snape about what lay at the end of that tunnel, and although not even two years had passed, the conversation felt like a lifetime ago. She supposed she had known even then that Snape's suspicions had been correct, but she hadn't wanted to admit it to him or even to herself.

"The Shrieking Shack," Sirius said darkly. "It's a secret passage to the Shrieking Shack."

His clenched fists and tightened jaw suggested that he had guessed why Lily knew about the tunnel, and his eyes begged her not to broach the subject. She had rarely seen him look so vulnerable, so she let the story linger there between them, unacknowledged for the time being.

"The Shrieking Shack? I heard it's haunted," she said.

"It's not," James said, grimacing, and Lily's eyes widened in anguish as she grasped the implication of his words.

"So you spend all night, what, just sitting in there?"

She had only seen the building from a distance, but the interior didn't seem very large, and she imagined the large dog and even larger stag, knocking over furniture and slamming into walls as they tried to restrain a transformed Remus.

James and Sirius exchanged one of their knowing looks, and she saw James hesitate before saying, "Er, not exactly."

"What do you mean, not exactly?" she demanded. "You're not telling me you go outside, are you? Because that would be incredibly reckless and idiotic, even for the two most reckless and idiotic people I know."

"We take precautions," Sirius said. "And hardly anyone is out at that time of night."

"He hates it in there," James said, a pleading expression on his face as he reached for Lily's hand. "Anyone would. He's much calmer and less likely to hurt himself or one of us when he can run around a bit."

Lily felt a nagging sense that she should argue, make them promise never to leave the Shrieking Shack again, threaten to report them to Dumbledore, do something other than sit here while James's eyes urged her to understand and excuse their dangerous behavior. He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, and she thought again of the unexpected rush of emotion she had felt for him earlier, and of the look on his face when he had talked about how much Remus hated being cooped up in the Shrieking Shack. The thought of Remus brought her some comfort, because surely he wouldn't allow them to leave the Shrieking Shack if he thought it was a serious risk. She sighed, then fixed James with a stern glare.

"Promise me you'll be careful?"

Her eyes bore into his until he nodded. "Promise," he assured her, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "We're always careful, but I'll make sure we're extra careful, just for you."

"You too," she said, turning her gaze to Sirius. "No more getting drunk before a full moon, all right?"

"Merlin, that was one bloody time," Sirius said, shaking his head in irritation. "But yeah, all right." He raised his eyebrows at her and shot her a teasing grin. "You're going to worry about us, aren't you, Evans?"

"Course I am. I care about you idiots." Her gaze flickered between the two of them, and she felt a rush of affection for the loveable and sometimes infuriating boys in front of her in spite of, or perhaps because of, their tendency to break rules and wreak havoc.

"Even me?" James asked, resting his head on her shoulder.

"Especially you, you knob." She leaned over and kissed the top of his head, wrestling with a sudden urge to confess her realization from earlier. Instead, she sighed and looked across at Sirius. "Who else knows?"

"Nobody," Sirius said. "Well, the teachers, obviously, and Pomfrey, but besides them it's just us. And he probably would never have told us if we hadn't worked it out on our own."

"He's terrified of anyone finding out," James added, picking his head up from Lily's shoulder to look at her with an earnest expression on his face. "Back when we told him we'd figured it out, it took us ages to convince him we still wanted him as a friend."

Sirius grinned. "I dunno why he was worried. If we were willing to overlook that ridiculous cardigan with the elbow patches, why would we give a toss that he's a werewolf?"

"Mary doesn't know?" Lily asked, surprised.

Sirius shook his head. "I told you. Nobody knows."

"I just figured you and Mary spend so much time together, you might have told her," Lily said. "Or she might have worked it out on her own, since she's in here all the time."

"It's not my secret to tell," Sirius said, shrugging. "And she's not really the type of person to ask questions if she thinks something isn't her business, you know? So even if she suspects anything, she's never said anything about it."

Lily thought about this for a moment. "Well, I think she should know," she said, frowning.

"You can't tell her," James said, looking worried. "You can't tell anyone."

"I'm not going to say anything, but I think she deserves to know. She shouldn't be the only one who doesn't know. Besides, she can always tell when I have a secret."
James and Sirius looked at each other, and Lily sensed something unspoken passing between them. After a moment, James widened his eyes, and Sirius frowned, then nodded.

"Okay," he said. "It'll take some convincing, but I think we can talk him into telling her. Or letting us tell her, probably, because I doubt he'll want anything to do with telling her himself."

"But you're right," James added. "She shouldn't be the only one who doesn't know. And we can definitely trust her. If she's stuck around through all of Padfoot's nonsense, I reckon she can handle anything."

"Sod you. I'm a fucking delight," Sirius said.

"You're something, all right," James said, grinning.

"So are you going to tell Remus right away that I know?" Lily asked. "Or should I say something? Or should we maybe wait a bit until we work out the best way to tell him?"

"I don't think waiting will do us any good," James said. "He'll figure out something's up the second he looks at your face. No offense, but you're not exactly good at hiding things."

"Excuse me, what's that supposed to mean?" Lily demanded, indignant at the nonchalant way he had announced this, as if it was a fact they had all agreed upon.

"Well, it's not a bad thing or anything," he said, placing a conciliatory hand on her shoulder. "You're just, I dunno, easy to read, I guess. It's okay, I'm not good at hiding things either."

"I keep plenty of things hidden," Lily protested. "I liked James for ages, and none of you knew about that." Lily felt her cheeks heat up as a huge grin spread across James's face and Sirius burst into laughter, but she was too invested in this argument to let her embarrassment get in the way. "I kept that a secret for months and months."

"Evans, are you joking?" Sirius choked out through his laughter. "You didn't keep that a secret. We all knew. It was completely bloody obvious."

"Did you really like me for ages?" James asked, his face lit up with joy. "You could've told me, you know."

"Well, I'm telling you now," she said, returning his smile and pulling him in for a kiss, because he was so irresistible with that disbelieving grin that she couldn't help herself.

"Anyway," Sirius said, and his voice reminded Lily that she and James were not alone in the room. "We'd better tell him right away, otherwise he'll be upset that we tried to hide it from him. But I don't think you should be the first to say something, Evans. We should talk to him first, because he's not going to be pleased, and I reckon he'll need a bit of James Potter tough love. Don't you think, Prongs?"

James still had an overjoyed, bemused expression on his face, and he had to tear his gaze away from Lily and blink several times before he could reply. "Er, yeah, I think that's probably best. Maybe we should go see if they're still in the library, and then we can talk to Moony up here while Evans waits in the common room?" He turned back to Lily, his face apologetic as he returned his hand to her knee. "It's not that he doesn't trust you or anything, he'll just be nervous to talk to you once he finds out you know, because-"

"Because he thinks I'll think less of him now that I know?" Lily finished. "It's all right, I understand. I mean, it makes me want to cry and give him a hug, but I understand."

"And I think we should wait until tomorrow until we mention telling Macdonald. If we bring it up today, it'll just be too much, don't you think?" James continued.

They both nodded, and Sirius stood up.

"All right, let's go, then," Sirius said as he crossed the room and headed for the door.

James stood and made to follow Sirius out of the room, but Lily reached for his hand.

"Hang on," she said, her voice low as she stood up to join him. "I noticed something earlier."

"What's that?" he asked, frowning

"You called me your girlfriend." The word sounded almost as nice as when James had said it, and she savored the shape of the syllables as her lips formed the word.

"Did I?" His eyes widened in panic, and she could see him struggling to come up with an explanation, to cover up what he viewed as a slip-up. "I guess I just - I mean, I thought…" He ran a hand through his hair and frowned. "Sorry, was I wrong to say that? Aren't you my girlfriend?"

As much as she loved his confidence and self-assured grin, Lily found James most irresistible when he revealed the vulnerability and uncertainty that only she seemed to invoke in him. Watching him stand there, stumbling over his words as his face creased with worry, she felt a rush of affection for him, and in an effort to reassure him she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her lips to his.

"Of course I'm your girlfriend," she murmured when she pulled away, and his face lit up with the same brilliant smile he had worn when she had admitted to liking him for months. "I've just never heard you say it before, that's all. I like the sound of it."

"Me too." He leaned in to kiss her again, and for a moment Lily forgot all about the revelations and heavy conversation that had already taken place and that were still to come. Their breathing sounded deafening in the hushed room, and as Lily felt the magnetic pull of the empty bed, she could tell from the insistent motion of James's fingers on her skin and the press of his lips against hers that he was experiencing it too. But then the sight of one of Remus's jumpers, folded on top of his bed, reminded Lily of what they still had to do, and she pulled away from James with a reluctant sigh.

"Come on," she said, running a hand through his hair before taking his hand and heading for the door. "Sirius will think we're up here shagging if we don't hurry up." She led the way down the stairs, trying not to think about how much that idea appealed to her.

Remus, Peter, and Mary had just sat down in front of the fire when Sirius entered the common room and glanced around before coming over to join them.

"Why'd you leave?" Mary asked. "At first I assumed James and Lily went to go snog somewhere, but then I realized you were gone too."

"They probably are snogging at the moment, actually," Sirius said, frowning when he realized James and Lily had not followed him down the stairs. "My mistake for leaving them alone in the dormitory."

"Ooh, think they're shagging?" Mary said, but her hopes were dashed a moment later when Lily and James came down the stairs and strode across the room towards them.

"Why'd you leave, though?" Peter asked. "You left all your stuff, so we assumed you were coming right back, but then it was ages and we started to wonder, so we grabbed your things and came looking for you."

Remus's gaze shifted from Sirius to James, but neither revealed anything out of the ordinary. Lily, however, seemed to be avoiding his eye, and there was an edgy, anxious tension in her face that filled Remus with a vague sense of unease. He opened his mouth to ask her what was wrong, then closed it again, reluctant to hear her answer, although he couldn't say why.

"We'll explain up in the dormitory," James said, his tone even and light, although this did nothing to dispel Remus's nervousness.

"Evans and Macdonald, save our seats, will you?" Sirius said, grinning before turning and heading for the staircase. James gave Lily a quick kiss before bounding off after Sirius, and after glancing at each other and shrugging, Remus and Peter followed.

"Okay, what's this all about?" Remus asked once they reached the dormitory. He stood leaning against his four-poster bed, trying to decipher the look that Sirius and James exchanged.

"Sit down, Moony," James said, gesturing at his bed. "Want a chocolate bar?"

Remus sighed and shook his head. "Don't offer me my own bloody chocolate, Prongs. Just tell me what's going on."

James and Sirius exchanged another glance before Sirius shrugged and said, "Evans knows."

There was no point in asking what she knew. Remus felt his chest tighten as a dull, creeping panic washed over him. He could hear Sirius continuing to speak, but his words were faint and muffled, too distant to make out. The room around him seemed to fade away as he imagined Lily's face, twisted with fear and disgust as she looked at him and saw what he really was. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to contain his panic, but this only made the image in his head clearer. He had almost forgotten where he was when he felt a hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes to see Sirius peering at him. As if someone had turned up the volume, he could make out his friend's words again.

"Moony, you're okay. Are you listening to us?" Sirius said. "Evans doesn't care. It's okay. You're okay."

The words cut through the fear and gave Remus something to cling to, and he took several deep breaths before crossing the room and sitting down on his bed. His panic ebbed away to be replaced by anger as he considered the implications of what Sirius had said.

"Why would you tell her, Prongs, when you knew I didn't want her to know?"

James sat down beside Remus and placed a hand on his shoulder, but he scowled and shrugged it off. "I didn't tell her! Merlin, give me some credit, will you?"

"He wouldn't tell," Sirius said. "None of us would. Evans figured it out on her own."

"How?" Remus demanded.

James shrugged. "She said something, just a stupid comment, really, but Padfoot and I looked at each other, and I think it all just came together for her, you know? And then once she'd figured it out it seemed pointless to lie to her, so we just explained everything."

"Everything?" Peter asked, sitting down on the bed across from them. "Did you show her-"

"Prongs tried to drag us all the way down to the forest so he could prance around for her," Sirius interrupted.

"I don't prance," James protested, but Sirius ignored him.

"He settled for moving the beds out of the way and did that thing where he sort of rears up and tosses his head all around. Then afterwards he asked Evans if she liked his bloody antlers." He laughed and looked over at Remus, then sighed when his friend didn't smile. "Oh, come on, Moony. You're too angry to laugh at Prongs with me?"

Remus sighed and put his head in his hands. "I'm not angry at you. I'm just… Fuck. This is going to change everything."

"But it's not," James insisted. "I told you, it doesn't change how she feels about you, besides wanting to give you a hug."

"Of course it doesn't change how she feels about you," Peter said. "Evans is a good person. Prongs wouldn't waste his time with her otherwise."

James grinned and nodded at Peter. "Thanks, Pete. Appreciate it."

"I know she's a good person," Remus said, his voice muffled because his head still rested in his hands. "But that doesn't mean she's just going to be fine with it. It's not something you can just look past." He thought of the prefect duties they had spent talking about books and joking about her feelings for James; the lazy afternoons they had sat in front of the fire together, reading and sharing a chocolate bar; the drunken night she had given him a piggyback and they had both ended up on the ground, laughing too hard to stand up. The thought of losing all of that filled Remus with an ache that was almost physical, and he had to fight a sudden urge to lie back on his bed and let the wave of sadness wash over him.

"Why the hell can't she look past it?" Sirius sat down on the floor and leaned back against James's bed, frowning up at Remus. "If you can look past her awful dance moves and her tendency to snog Prongs every waking moment of the day-"

"And you can still be friends with Padfoot even though he wears that ridiculous hat and forces you to listen to intimate details about his sex life," James cut in.

"And you can put up with Prongs banging on about how that one bloody jumper brings out the color of Evans's eyes, even though we all know what he really likes about that jumper," Sirius added.

"What, are neither of you going to have a go at me?" Peter asked, looking somewhat put out. "Fine, I'll do it. You lot accept me, even though I wear stupid pajamas and can't catch a Quaffle to save my life."

"That's no good, Pete, you forgot the bit about you shagging Bertha Jorkins," James said, grinning.

"And the time you called Professor Sprout 'Mum,'" Sirius added.

Remus picked his head up to look at them, his need to set them straight stronger than the pull of sadness and exhaustion. "But none of that is the same," he said, his voice rising in frustration. "Those are all just silly quirky things. Obviously if you're a good friend none of those things matter-"

"And neither does your furry little problem," James shot back. "It's exactly the same, really. Except it's not your fault, while Sirius willingly went into a shop of his own free will and paid actual money for that cowboy hat."

"For fuck's sake, Prongs, how can you say it's the same?" He was usually grateful for James's attitude toward his condition, but today Remus was infuriated by the unabashed support and refusal to acknowledge any other way of thinking. "It would be perfectly reasonable for her to never want to associate with me again. It's risky, being friends with me."

"Rubbish," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"It's not rubbish!" Remus insisted. He realized he was shouting, and at some point he had gotten to his feet, although he was not aware of doing so. "I'm dangerous! I'm a fucking monster."

"Shut up, Moony!" James said, and the joking, casual tone was gone from his voice. "Don't you bloody say that about yourself."

"Prongs," Remus began, but James held up a hand.
"No, I mean it, shut up and listen to me!" James jumped to his feet and stared at Remus, his hazel eyes blazing and his face lit with righteous indignation.

"I'm not going to just stand here while you shout at me!"

"What, you're allowed to shout but I'm not? Fucking listen for a minute. I love you, mate. Call me a sentimental sod, I don't care. It's the truth. So I'm not going to just let you say those horrible things about yourself."

"Why not?" Remus watched James flinch as his voice rose even louder, but he felt he was no longer in control. "What I said is true!"

"No it's bloody not. We care about you, even Padfoot who pretends he only cares about his motorbike and that cowboy hat, and that's not how we see you. Your furry little problem doesn't define you. That's not your whole identity, it's just one fucking detail about you. There's so much more that makes you Remus Lupin. Yeah, you're a werewolf, but you also have a never-ending supply of chocolate bars and wear a cardigan no matter what the bloody weather. You love Muggle novels and hate questionable words like sauceless, and you get stoned and talk about boggarts, then laugh your arse off about absolutely nothing. You have a thing for Madam Pomfrey, and you're awful at Potions but excellent at Defense, and you sometimes tell us when we're being idiots, even though we don't usually listen. So don't you ever let me hear you talk that way about yourself, because that's not who you are. All that other stuff I just listed, that's who you are. That's why we're friends with you, Evans included. So quit wallowing in self-hatred and sit down and eat a damn chocolate bar, and get your head straight so Evans can come up here and give you a bloody hug, all right?"

Remus stood staring at James for almost a full minute, breathing hard as the hot flash of anger faded and left him feeling deflated and foolish. He sank down onto the bed and looked around at his friends, realizing they were all watching him with concerned expressions on their faces.

"You're sure?" he said after another moment of expectant silence. "You're sure she wants to talk to me, and she didn't just agree to it because, I dunno, she feels obligated or something?"

Sirius sighed and shook his head. "Do I need to start shouting at you, too? She wants to talk to you, you knob. You know Evans. If she doesn't agree with something, she's not going to do it just because someone says she should. She's far too stubborn for that."

Remus felt a tiny smile tug at the corner of his lips as he nodded. "I suppose that's true." He mulled this over, studying a knot on the hardwood floor as he let his breathing return to normal and the last traces of anger left his body. After a minute he took a deep breath and nodded again. "Okay. If she actually wants to talk to me, she can come up here and talk to me, I suppose." He hesitated, flashing James a sheepish grin. "You're not going to tell her I shouted at you, are you?"
James ran a hand through his hair, chuckling. "Nah, I'll tell her we had a lovely, calm discussion."

"Thanks," Remus said, breathing a sigh of relief. "I just don't want her to worry that I'm going to shout at her too." He glanced down at the floor again before his eyes darted back up to meet James's gaze. "Sorry for shouting. I just…"

James shrugged. "I know. It's all right, I was shouting, too. Sometimes it's justified."

"And thanks for, you know, saying all of that," Remus went on. "I think I needed to hear it."

"I told you he'd need a bit of James Potter tough love," Sirius said, heaving himself to his feet so he could clap Remus on the back. "It's all right, Moony. I need it sometimes, too."

Peter nodded and slid off the bed to join Sirius. "Me too."

"Well you prats are all lucky to have me around, then," James said, grinning and heading for the door. "All right, Moony, expect Evans in a minute or two."

Peter waved and followed James out, but Sirius lingered for another moment, pulling a chocolate bar from Remus's trunk and tossing it onto his bed.

"You should probably eat this," he advised him. "Might help if you're feeling shouty again."

"Shouty's not a word, Padfoot," Remus muttered as he tore open the wrapper and broke off a piece.

Sirius grinned. "I knew you were going to say that," he said before stepping through the door and leaving Remus alone with his thoughts and his chocolate bar.

A few minutes later, Remus was finishing the last bite of the chocolate bar when there was a tentative knock on the door.

"Come in," he called, and the door opened to reveal Lily, wearing a nervous smile as she crossed the room and sat down across from Remus. She clasped her hands together in her lap, her eyes darting down at them, then back up at Remus. He felt a pang of guilt as he observed her obvious discomfort, so he cleared his throat to break the silence, determined to put her at ease.

"So I guess you heard," he began, but the rest of his words were cut off as Lily flung herself at him and wrapped him in a hug. The unexpected and enthusiastic embrace almost knocked him over, and he chuckled in spite of the circumstances. "Merlin, Lily, you don't need to knock me over."

"I'm sorry," she said, releasing him and returning to her spot on the bed across from him. "I'm sorry for all of this."

He frowned. "I don't see what you have to be sorry about."

"I just…" She sighed. "I'm sorry for being nosy and figuring this out, when you obviously didn't want me to know. I just hate being kept in the dark about things, but now I feel sort of bad for forcing them to tell me everything when it was really none of my business." A sheepish smile spread across her face. "I hope you weren't too angry with them. I didn't really give them much of a choice."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," Remus said, grinning. "It's all right. I suppose you were bound to figure it out eventually. I'm just a bit paranoid about people finding out, obviously."

"I don't blame you." Lily's eyes widened as her expression turned serious. "People can be bloody awful. It makes me furious to think of anyone looking down on you or being unkind to you because of it, when you're one of the nicest people I've ever met." He saw her smile return as she added, "James gets pretty heated about it too, doesn't he?"

Remus nodded, thinking back to the aggressive pep talk James had just given him. "He's always been like that, since the day he found out. He can be an obnoxious prat, but he's a really good person and a damn good friend. They all are. " He smiled, remembering all the post-transformation mornings they had cheered him up in the hospital wing, all the food they had brought to the dormitory when he was too exhausted to drag himself down to dinner, all the loud students they had told off for making too much noise in the common room when Remus fell asleep in his armchair. "It does help a lot, having them around."

"I can't believe they actually managed to become Animagi," she said, shaking her head. "I tried not to show it, because I don't want them to get too full of themselves, but I'm really impressed. It can go horribly wrong, can't it? Imagine if James had ended up with permanent antlers or something."

"I bet that would've convinced you to go out with him," he said, chuckling before his expression turned serious. "I know the process was incredibly risky, and it's just as risky for them to come out every full moon, and you probably think I'm a terrible person for allowing them to do it, but…" A shudder rippled through him as he recalled the pain and loneliness he used to endure every month. "It's just so much better now that I don't have to do it alone."

"Is it awful?" she asked, her eyes full of sympathy. "The transformation, I mean. Sorry, you don't have to answer that if you'd rather not talk about it."

He shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. "It's, er, it's not great."

"That sounds like the understatement of the century," Lily said, raising her eyebrows.

"Well, all right, it is a bit of an understatement. It's very painful, because your body is essentially reforming, and it doesn't particularly want to change shape, so it resists the whole time. I think it's actually a lot like the first Animagus transformation, because it's sort of the same idea, and that's supposed to hurt a lot, except every time an Animagus transforms it gets a bit easier because your body adapts to the transformation." He flashed Lily a wry smile. "But for me it never gets any easier, because my body resists just as much as it did the very first time."

The sorrow on Lily's face made Remus experience another stab of guilt, because his intention in sharing this was not to make her pity him, but merely to answer her question. "It's all right," he said, attempting a reassuring tone. "Like I said, it's better now, because they're with me."

Lily's face brightened, and after a moment she nodded. "It's worth the risk, then."

"They seem to know what they're doing," he said. "But I don't suppose that'll stop you from worrying about them every full moon." His words were an unwelcome reminder that the full moon was only a week away, and he tried to keep the dread from showing in his face.

Lily smiled and rolled her eyes. "I'm going to worry about you too, you prat. But it's all right. I suppose I may as well get used to it. You four always seem to be up to something dangerous and risky."

Remus chuckled. "You're not wrong." He studied her face for a moment, wanting to believe the affection and understanding on her face was genuine, but not quite able to allow himself to trust it. "You're sure," he began, but then his voice broke and he had to try again. "You're sure you still want to be friends with me? Because if you don't, I'd understand. I'd be sad, but I'd understand. You shouldn't feel pressured to-"

"Remus Mortimer Lupin," she said, holding up a hand, and he felt his face break into a smile at the sound of his fake middle name. "No offense, but shut up."

Once again she crossed the distance between them and pulled him into a hug. The gentle, teasing tone of her voice and the warmth of her arms around him dispelled most of his doubt.

"I'm really glad we're friends," she said once she released him. "If we weren't friends, how would I have gotten through all those prefect patrols, and who would lend me books and share chocolate bars with me and help me with Defense homework? And I need you around to tell my boyfriend he's being an obnoxious git when he doesn't want to listen to me."

Remus noticed Lily's smile get wider, and there was a self-conscious note in her voice when she said the word 'boyfriend,' but he chose not to comment. Instead, he let her words drive away the last of his doubts, leaving him feeling lighter. The undercurrent of anxiety and self-loathing was still there, lurking beneath the surface, but his immediate fears had been assuaged, and he met Lily's gaze with a genuine, relieved smile.

"Thanks, Lily," he said. "I'm really glad we're friends, too. But I'm not sure James is any more inclined to listen to me."

She shrugged and stood up. "I guess all we can do is try." A tiny crease formed between her eyebrows, and for a moment Remus was sure she was going to say more, but then she merely offered him a hand up and glanced at the door. "Want to come down and play a quick game of Exploding Snap before bed?"

He considered her offer, but he couldn't quite bring himself to face their concern masked by determined cheerfulness, so he shook his head. "No thanks. I think I'll just read up here a bit before bed."

She nodded, seeming to understand his need for solitude. "All right. I'll tell Sirius and Mary the room is off-limits for shagging purposes, then. Sleep well."

"Thanks. Good night."

Once she had shut the door behind her, he collapsed back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling, suddenly bone-tired. As he lay there, trying to find the motivation to get ready for bed, he felt himself smiling in spite of the emotional whirlwind of the last hour. Even though he would not have willingly chosen to reveal his secret to Lily, the initial anger and fear had dissipated, and he now felt a sense of peace. For the past several months, Lily had become so close to the group that all four of them had remarked at one point that she was practically one of them. Now it was official, and Remus found he was glad.

"Hey." Mary looked up from her Exploding Snap cards to fix Sirius with a pointed stare. "What's going on? I know, I know, if you tell me you'll have to kill me, but how come Lily gets to know and you don't have to kill her?"

Sirius set down his cards and leaned in closer. "What makes you think I'm not still going to kill her? Maybe I'm just waiting until we finish this game."

Mary grinned, then studied the strange expression on Lily's face. "I notice you're not denying that there's something up, though."

"Nah, I'm not going to lie right to your face. Hang on, I'm about to win." He threw a card down on the pile and celebrated his victory with a rude hand gesture directed at Lily. "In your face, Evans. And you thought I was too busy staring down Macdonald's shirt to pay attention."

Lily frowned and began to gather up the cards. "You were too busy staring down her shirt to pay attention."

"Rubbish. You should know by now that I'm very good at multi-tasking." He stood up and offered Mary a hand up. "Since the dormitory is off-limits for shagging purposes, according to Evans, we'll have to find an alternate location." He turned to Lily with an innocent expression on his face. "On a completely unrelated note, does anyone besides you and James use the Head office?"

"No, only us," Lily said, distracted by her task of shuffling the cards before stuffing them back into the pack. "Why?"

Sirius shrugged and draped an arm around Mary. "No reason. We'll see you later."

Lily's eyes widened as her brain finally registered Sirius's implication. "No. Don't even think about it, Sirius. That office is for official Head business."

"Right, like snogging and playing cards when you're supposed to be doing patrols?" Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows.

James chuckled, then stifled his laughter when he saw Lily's expression.

"That's not - that was - it's different!" Lily spluttered, blushing.

"If you admit it's your snogging spot, we'd be happy to find somewhere else to go," Sirius said, flashing her a teasing smile.

"It's not our snogging spot," she insisted. "We do actual work there."

"'Actual work,'" Mary repeated with a smirk. "Is that what they're calling it these days?"

"No, I think they do most of their 'actual work' in that broom cupboard near the Astronomy Tower," Peter said, glancing at James and raising his eyebrows.

"Peter!" Lily gaped at him, torn between surprise and amusement. "Now you're going to tease us, too?"

James ran a hand through his hair and grinned at Lily. "I mean, he's not exactly wrong, is he?"

"Sorry," Peter said, looking at Lily with a sheepish smile. "It just sort of came out."

"Don't apologize, Wormtail," Sirius said, grinning at Peter before turning his attention to Lily. "You'd better get used to it, Evans. You're one of us, now, which means even Pete is going to take the piss out of you once in a while. Anyway, we'll see you lot later." He and Mary set off for the door, but when they had almost reached the portrait hole he glanced back over his shoulder and called, "Don't worry, we'll take good care of your snogging spot!"

"Are we really going to the Head office?" Mary asked as they strolled down the corridor with their arms still slung around each other. "Or were you just saying that to wind her up?"

"I was just saying it to wind her up," he said, chuckling. "It's so easy."

"You're going to be worse once they actually shag, aren't you?"

Sirius nodded. "Oh, I'm going to be absolutely obnoxious. If she isn't about ready to die from embarrassment, I'll consider myself a failure."

"You think it'll be soon?" Mary asked, glancing sideways at him and frowning.

"It's got to be. I dunno how they've held out this long, to be honest," Sirius said as he led them down a staircase to the sixth floor.

"Me neither," Mary said, shaking her head. "But they do things a bit differently than us, don't they?"

"Couple of idiots," Sirius said. "Our way is clearly the best way."

"It really is." She glanced around at their surroundings. "Where are we going?"

He nodded in the direction of a classroom. "Ancient Runes classroom."

"Any particular reason?" she asked as they stepped into the classroom and shut the door behind them.

He shrugged. "It's been on my list for ages. She has that lovely big desk and that comfortable chair. And then obviously there's the room number."

She frowned. "What's the room number? Oh, Merlin, it's room 69, isn't it?" She chuckled and rolled her eyes. "You're an idiot, Black."

"But you're very fond of my particular brand of idiocy," Sirius said as he pulled her towards the back of the classroom and leaned in to kiss her.

"That probably means I'm also an idiot," she murmured, wrapping her arms around him.

"It's why we get along so well," Sirius said, slipping a hand under her shirt, and although Mary wanted to agree, his fingers trailing across her skin and the insistence of his mouth against hers made it impossible to continue the conversation.

"I'm going to tell you, you know," Sirius said later, glancing over at Mary.

They had pulled their clothes back on, and Sirius was sprawled across the professor's desk while Mary sat curled in the chair behind it. They were both smoking, because Sirius reasoned that they had already disrespected the classroom by shagging in it, so a bit of smoking wouldn't make much of a difference. Mary took a drag on her cigarette and watched the smoke drift away, feeling content and sleepy.

"Are you listening?" Sirius asked, reaching over and tugging on a lock of her hair. "I said I'm going to tell you. And I don't have to kill you, either. You just have to wait a bit longer. Until tomorrow night, probably. "

Mary felt her face split into a smile. "Really? What made you change your mind?"

The mysterious, vague sense of secrecy had always been an accepted part of her arrangement with Sirius, and even though they had grown close over the past year, she never expected everything to be revealed. Now that he had decided to tell her whatever the big secret was, she felt honored.

Sirius thought about this for a moment, taking a long drag on his cigarette and contemplating the smoke before he answered.

"We didn't tell Evans," he said after a moment. "She figured it out on her own. I didn't want you to think we were leaving you out intentionally or anything." He tapped his cigarette against the edge of the desk to dispel a bit of ash before continuing. "She reckons you deserve to know, and I agree." His eyes lingered on hers as a smile spread across his face. "You put up with all of our nonsense. You may as well know all our secrets, too. Just give me a bit to convince Remus."

"I don't want him to feel pressured to tell me if he doesn't want to," Mary said. "It's really none of my business anyway."

"Nah, it's good for him. He's got to start realizing that people like him and want to be his friend, and that's not going to change just because…" He broke off and shrugged. "Well, anyway, I just wanted you to know that we're not going to leave you in the dark. You're one of us. You deserve to know."

"Thanks, Black. Appreciate it."

You're one of us. The affection in his voice as he had spoken these words surprised her, and she stored it away with all the other unexpected moments of vulnerability and sentimentality to examine when she was alone. Putting on a casual grin, she got to her feet.

"Should we go back to the common room and horrify Lily by telling her we defiled their snogging spot, then?"

Friday, October 21, 1977

Sirius dropped his bag on the floor by his bed and ripped off his tie, tossing it so that it landed somewhere near Peter's bed. He began unbuttoning his shirt, looking over at Remus as he did so.

"Hey, Moony?" he said as he threw his shirt on the floor next to his bag and began to search through his trunk for a t-shirt. "I need to talk to you about something, and you're not going to want to hear it, but just shut up and listen because we love you, you knob, or whatever sentimental bracing rubbish James would say. And before you say anything, I know he's much better at that than I am, but he's off at Quidditch practice already, so you're stuck with me."

Remus listened with a hesitant, guarded expression on his face, but he stopped looking for a jumper in his trunk and sat down on his bed before indicating that Sirius should go on. Peter watched this exchange as he removed Sirius's discarded tie from his pillow before taking a seat next to Remus and giving him an encouraging nod.

"Right, so since Evans figured it out, Macdonald is the only one who doesn't know." Sirius noticed Remus's face tighten at his words, but he continued anyway. "I know you aren't going to agree right away, but I think we should tell Macdonald. Because she's a damn good friend and we can trust her, and she shouldn't be the only one who doesn't know."

There was a heavy silence following Sirius's words that he was tempted to break, although when he had discussed strategy for this conversation with James and Peter, they had both agreed letting Remus mull things over rather than nagging at him would yield better results. To keep himself occupied, Sirius finished changing his clothes, then plopped down on James's bed to wait out Remus's silence.

After several uncomfortable minutes, Remus sighed and stopped studying a knot on the floor.

"It's one thing for Lily to figure it out on her own," he said, his voice full of the determined calm that indicated a tension lurking beneath the surface. "But to come out and tell Mary, so soon after talking to Lily about it? I don't think I can bloody do it, Padfoot, I really don't." He turned sideways to look at Peter. "Wormtail, what do you think?"

"I agree with Padfoot." A tentative smile spread across his face as he continued speaking. "Macdonald has proven she'll stick around even when things aren't all, you know, pool parties and nights out at the pub and games of Firecracker. She's a real friend, and she's not going to care one bit."

"You've seen it, Moony," Sirius added, trying not to let his face or voice reveal his deep affection for Mary. "She's helped you carry me up to bed, and she watched me be a complete arsehole to everyone after my uncle died, and she talked all of us through a crisis when Prongs was falling apart and none of us were stepping up to handle it." He grinned as he imagined her no-nonsense, businesslike manner as she forced them all to do their homework.

"And I assume you speak for Prongs as well?" Remus asked.

"I do," Sirius agreed. "I thought we should've waited for him to talk to you, since he's better at this sort of thing, but he reckoned I should do it because Macdonald is my…" His voice trailed off as he struggled to find the appropriate word, and instead he shrugged and made a vague gesture that conveyed exactly nothing. "Anyway, Evans agrees too."

Remus sighed and massaged his temples, and Sirius felt a pang of guilt as he saw the emotional turmoil this was causing his friend. For a fleeting moment he considered backing down, but then he remembered the joy on Mary's face last night when he had told her his plans to let her in on the secret, and how considerate and understanding she always was when Remus was ill or Sirius had to disappear for the full moon without explaining why, and this strengthened his resolve. She should know. She deserves to know.

"If I say no, I suppose you're just going to keep bothering me until I give in?" Remus asked, and Sirius could see resignation replacing the resistance in his friend's face. Perhaps telling Lily had made the prospect of telling someone else feel less daunting to Remus, because the revelation had done nothing to change their friendship.

"That's probably accurate," Sirius agreed.

Remus sighed again. "I just can't look her in the eye and tell her." He had been gazing down at his hand, picking at his cuticle, but as he spoke he lifted his head up to look from Peter to Sirius, his eyes wide and pleading. "I can't bear to see her reaction."

"It'll be fine, Moony," Peter said, placing a reassuring hand on Remus's shoulder. "I'm sure she won't react badly or anything."

Sirius considered this for a moment, then nodded. "Nah, I get it. That's fair, I suppose. I'll just tell her, if you don't want to be the one to do it."

Remus nodded. "I guess that'd be all right. Do you think…" He frowned as he tried to put his thoughts into words. "Do you think she'd be okay if we didn't talk about it? If you just tell her and then we just go ahead and skip the heart to heart where we have to talk it all through? Because I don't think I can do it again, I really don't."

As Remus spoke he began worrying at his cuticle again, and Sirius considered the toll it was taking on him just to allow Mary to be let in on the secret. We can't blame him for feeling this way, he thought. I wouldn't want to bloody talk about it, either.

"I think she'd be fine with that, actually," he said, drumming his fingers against his leg as he spoke. "I mean, there's no way Evans would let you get away with not talking about it, but Macdonald hates having serious conversations and talking about her feelings almost as much as I do. Her preferred way to deal with a problem is pretend there is no fucking problem, so if you don't want to talk about it, I think she'd understand."

At Sirius's words, Remus's eyes lost some of the desperation they had held before, and the tension left his body to be replaced by exhaustion. He lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling for a moment before he replied, "All right. You can tell her, then. Tell her tonight, if you like."

"Yeah, I think I will tell her tonight," Sirius said. "And I know you probably think we're arseholes for forcing you to do this, but I really do think it's for the best. Because you need to realize that people aren't going to stop caring about you when they find out, you know?" He stood and patted Remus's shoulder before taking a step towards the door.

"He's right, Moony," Peter said, standing up and following Sirius.

"Yeah, yeah," Remus said, making no move to join them.

"Aren't you coming down to dinner?" Sirius asked, pausing with his hand on the door.

"No, I think I'll just stay here and read." Remus rolled onto his stomach and reached for the book on his bedside table.

"Moony," Sirius began, but Remus cut him off.

"I'm fine. I just need a bit to, I dunno, process all of this, you know?" He flashed Sirius a reassuring smile before he opened his book and began to read.

"Skipping dinner's not going to help you process," Sirius protested. "You'll just be hungry as well as introspective and moody." When Remus's only response was to turn the page, Sirius sighed. "Fine, but we're bringing you back food, and you better eat it, or I swear I'll bloody hex you."

"Fancy a walk outside, Macdonald?" Sirius asked as they pushed back from the Gryffindor table and started heading back to the common room. "We can smoke a cigarette and go make faces at James while he does important Quidditch captain things."

Mary shrugged. "Yeah, all right." She turned to Lily and Peter. "Do you want to come?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows at them and gave a tiny shake of his head, which made Lily widen her eyes in comprehension while Peter gave him a thumbs up.

"We're just going to go back to the common room," Peter said. "We'll see you in a bit."

Lily looked as though she wanted to say something, and her eyes lingered on Mary's for a moment before she waved and followed Peter in the direction of Gryffindor tower.

"That was sort of odd," Mary remarked as they navigated their way around several Ravenclaws before stepping out into the brisk evening air. "Did they think we're going to go shag?" She frowned and glanced sideways at him. "We're not, are we? Because it's a bit cold to even be walking around out here, let alone taking our clothes off."
"First of all, it's called a warming charm, Macdonald," Sirius said, slipping off his jacket and passing it to her as they descended the steps and set off across the lawn. "But that's not why we're out here. I'm going to tell you The Big Secret."

"Oh shit, really?" She hadn't expected it to be this soon, and she was surprised to find his words gave her a thrill of anticipation and, for some reason, a jolt of nervousness.

"Yeah." Sirius hesitated, then jerked his head in the direction of the Forbidden Forest. "We're going to go into the forest a bit." This made her even more nervous, and it must have showed on her face, because he laughed and slung his arm around her. "It's all right, we're not going far. It'll make sense once I explain."

His relaxed tone reassured her somewhat, but a vague sense of foreboding lingered as they crossed the lawn and approached the edge of the forest. Sirius removed his arm from around her shoulders to light his wand, and for several minutes they didn't speak as they picked their way through the trees and around the sticks and brush. Sirius drew to a stop when they reached a small clearing, and he sat down with his back resting against a tree and pulled his cigarettes from his pocket. Mary took a dubious glance around at the dark, ominous-looking trees that surrounded them before sitting down next to Sirius and taking the cigarette he offered her. They both lit up and smoked for a minute, the glow from their cigarettes and Sirius's wand providing the only light.

"Right. So…" He broke off, chuckling, then shook his head. "Sorry, it just feels weird saying it out loud, because I've spent so much time keeping quiet about it." He took another drag on his cigarette, then blew out the smoke before turning to face her. "Remus is a werewolf."

Mary gaped at him for a moment with a blank expression on her face, but when the words finally registered in her brain she dropped her cigarette and had to scramble to pick it up. "You're joking!" She studied his face, searching for any hint of repressed laughter, but she saw only frank, open honesty. "Shit, you're not joking."

He shook his head. "Nope." He glanced down at the fallen leaves next to her, where a tiny curl of smoke had begun to rise from the spot her lit cigarette had landed. "Nice going. You've set the forest on fire."

She blinked several times before following his gaze, but she could do no more than stare at the smoking leaves and twigs, and after a moment he laughed and extinguished it with his wand. Struggling to make her brain work, she took another drag on her cigarette, then spoke the first words that tumbled out of her mouth.

"How long?"

"How long have we known?" Sirius asked. "We figured it out second year."

"And how long has he…" Her voice trailed off, but Sirius seemed to understand her question.

"He got bitten when he was four," he said, and she noticed a bitter quality to his tone.

"Fuck," she muttered. "That's horrible."

Sirius stubbed out his cigarette and nodded, a dark expression clouding his face. "I know. It's probably one of the most fucked up things I've ever heard, and I grew up listening to Walburga and Orion bang on about blood purity every day over breakfast."

"That's why he misses classes sometimes, isn't it?" Mary gazed at him, the cigarette in her hand forgotten until Sirius plucked it out of her grasp and ground it out. "And why he sometimes looks all sickly and exhausted, like he's about to pass out? Like that one time he fell asleep in Charms a couple years ago, and you had to walk him to the hospital wing, but he kept trying to sit back down because he didn't want to miss class."

Sirius grinned at the memory. "Yup, that's Moony for you. Hates missing class even when he has a legitimate excuse."

Similar memories flashed into Mary's mind, and then her eyes widened in comprehension as something else occurred to her. "Bloody hell, I've just realized! Once I heard James mention something to Remus about his 'furry little problem.' And all this time I thought he meant… Well, never mind what I thought." She giggled, then clapped a hand over her mouth, feeling it was insensitive to laugh when they were talking about something so unfunny.

Sirius smirked. "What did you think he meant? Out with it, Macdonald."

She hesitated, then giggled again. "Well now it sounds idiotic, but I just sort of assumed Remus was really, really hairy in his, you know, intimate areas." She nudged Sirius when he burst into laughter. "Oh, sod off, what would you think?"

He shook his head and tried to get his laughter under control, then said, "Oh, I dunno, we always figured people would think he had a vicious pet rabbit or something, but of course your mind would take it as something sexual. Merlin, I can't wait to tell Remus that."

"You can't tell him!" Mary said in alarm. "He'll think I've been imagining him naked."

"Well, technically you have," Sirius said, grinning, and Mary started laughing again. "He won't mind, though. It'll give him a good laugh. Merlin knows he needs it after the past couple of days."

Her laughter died away. "Is he upset that we know? Bloody hell, Black, you didn't have to tell me if he didn't want you to."

"Nah, he'll be all right," Sirius assured her. "He just hates talking about it. He assumes anyone who finds out is going to reject him completely."

The thought of anyone treating Remus that way made Mary ache with sadness. "I suppose some people would react that way, wouldn't they?" Her face darkened and she shook her head. "Fucking arseholes. Remus is such a sweetheart. How could anyone not see that?"

"He really is," Sirius said, grinning. "Hairy knob and all."

"Oh, shut up." She fell silent for a moment, toying with a stray curl. "I'm not sure what to say to him about all this. There's nothing I can say, really, is there?"

"You don't have to say anything," Sirius assured her. "He actually prefers if you don't talk about it. I told him you'd be fine with that."

"Course I am. I hate serious conversations almost as much as you do." Mary gestured at their surroundings and raised her eyebrows. "Why are we out here, by the way?" Her eyes widened. "Oh, is this where he, er, transforms?"

"I forgot to tell you the best part!" Sirius said, standing up and taking a step back. "Right, so I dunno how much you remember from what we learned about werewolves in Defense, but the transformations are pretty fucking terrible, so right away we decided we needed to do something to make it a bit easier for him. It took the better part of two years, but we managed it in the end."

He fell silent and stood there, gazing at her with a smug, knowing smile, and Mary felt the anticipation and curiosity build until she could hardly stand it. Sirius seemed to sense that she was losing patience, because his smile widened and he said, "Are you ready?"

"Yes, I'm bloody ready," she snapped, sighing in exasperation. "Is this a joke, or are you really going to show me something?"

Sirius didn't answer, and Mary watched in amazement as he transformed into a shaggy black dog. She sat there, unable to move or respond, as he bounded over to her and began licking her face. The wet, sloppy tongue snapped her out of her shock, and she laughed and attempted to push him away.

"Bad dog!" she scolded. "Cut it out, Black. I don't know where that tongue's been."

He transformed back into his human form and sat back down beside her, laughing. "I'd say you know better than anyone where my tongue's been." He smirked, then leaned in and tried to kiss her, but she wriggled away.

"Hang on, you can't just turn into a bloody dog in front of me, then make a damn sex joke and try to snog me like nothing out of the ordinary's just happened!" She crossed her arms and fixed him with an expectant stare. "What the fuck, Black? You're an Animagus and you never told me?"

"Yeah, well, I would've told you, except then I would've had to kill you, remember?" Sirius reached over and toyed with one of her curls, and the familiar, teasing gesture made her smile in spite of herself. "We all did it so we can keep Remus company during the full moon. James is a stag and Peter's a rat, but my form is really the best, don't you think?"

She sighed. "Do I have to answer this before you'll tell me the rest of the story?"

"Most likely."

She considered the question. "Does James have big, impressive antlers?"

Sirius laughed and glanced sideways at her. "If I hadn't just seen how surprised you were when I transformed, I'd swear James fucking paid you to say that. 'Big, impressive antlers' is a James Potter phrase if I've ever heard one."

"I notice you didn't answer the question," Mary said, grinning.

"They're normal size, I suppose? I dunno, Macdonald, I'm not a bloody antler expert, am I?" Sirius rolled his eyes and lit another cigarette.

"Well, I do think your animal form is the best," she admitted. "But you definitely have antler envy."

"What? I don't - that's not even a real thing," he spluttered. "Antler envy, what a bunch of rubbish."

"That's exactly what someone with antler envy would say," she said with a shrug. "But never mind that, I want to hear the rest of the story."

"Right, sorry." He offered her a cigarette and took a long drag on his own before continuing. "Well, we realized that when we're in animal form, we can't get infected if we get bitten, and we're able to sort of keep Remus in line-"

"Hang on, is that how he got all the scars?" Mary interrupted, regretting the words before they

were even out of her mouth, because she had always avoided the topic and never let herself speculate about it even when she was alone because it felt like an invasion of his privacy.

"No," Sirius said, his eyes widening, and before he finished answering Mary knew his response was going to break her heart. "Those are all from scratching and biting himself. That's why we had to do this. We couldn't let him go through it alone."

Mary inhaled deeply, then blew out the smoke and studied her cigarette for a moment before she managed to murmur, "Fuck."

"I know. He's been through hell, poor bloke. But it's a lot better now, because it seems like he's a bit more himself when we're with him. And he doesn't have to stay cooped up in that little building anymore."

"Where-?" Mary began.

"The Shrieking Shack," Sirius said. "But he's miserable in there. There's not enough room to move around, so we go out and roam around a bit."

Mary shook her head, not surprised in the slightest. "Of course you bloody do. I don't suppose I should even bother asking you if that's safe?"

"Safe enough," Sirius said, grinning. "James and I have both gotten a bit bloodied up once or twice, but that's why we spent all that time learning healing spells."

"Bloody hell," Mary exclaimed, clapping her hand over her mouth. "That's how you got…" Her hand drifted over to rest on Sirius's chest, where his t-shirt hid the scar she had traced so many times as they lay curled together on his bed.

"Yeah, but if anyone asks, stick with one of the ridiculous explanations, all right? Remus still feels guilty about it." Sirius tapped his cigarette against a tree root and flashed her a rueful grin.

"Why should he? I don't suppose he has any sort of control when he's, er, in that state." She shook her hair out of her face and stubbed out her cigarette. "That must be awful, losing control like that."

"He wakes up afterwards, terrified about what he might've done, because he doesn't always remember a lot of what happens. That's the first thing I do when he comes to, is assure him that nothing went wrong, that everything's fine, but it usually takes a bit to convince him."

Sirius took a final drag on his cigarette and crushed it beneath his boot, and for a moment his eyes looked haunted. Mary wondered what those first few minutes after a transformation must be like for Remus, waking up to a haze of pain and terror at the damage he might have done, and for his friends, forced to watch their bruised and battered friend panic month after month.

"But anyway, it's better now that we're there," Sirius said, shrugging.

"You're a good friend, Black," she said, feeling a surge of affection for him as she thought about Sirius comforting Remus after a transformation or trying to hide evidence of an injury that Remus himself had inflicted. "He's lucky to have you."

An unfathomable expression flashed across Sirius's features at Mary's words; she couldn't be sure, but she thought she detected guilt, or perhaps regret, which struck her as odd because she had never known Sirius to be one for either of those emotions. Before she had time to do any more than speculate, the unknown emotion was gone, replaced by Sirius's usual grin as he draped his arm around Mary's shoulders and pulled her closer to him.

"Nah, I'm an obnoxious arsehole. I'm lucky to have him, really." He pushed a lock of her hair out of his face and tickled her face with it until she batted his hand away.

She rested her head on his shoulder, feeling a sense of contentment after he had just shared such an important secret. "Thanks for telling me about all of this."

"You're one of us now, Macdonald," he said, and his words felt weighty and official. "You deserve to know." He hesitated, and Mary could sense words hovering on the tip of his tongue, but he merely grinned and said,"Now aren't you going to ask me about the dangerous and impressive process of becoming an Animagus?"

She chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Anything to build up your enormous ego, I suppose. It is supposed to be really complex, though, isn't it? Can't things go horribly wrong if you mess it up?"

"There was a slight chance I could've ended up with a tail for the rest of my life. But you would still shag me if I had a tail, wouldn't you?"

She pretended to consider the matter. "Hmmm… A tail? Definitely not. Antlers, on the other hand…"