I have an announcement. I will be going on a long hiatus with my writing. There have just been too many tragedies in my family that I have endured and I just can't concentrate on anything else... I'm really sorry to anybody that has been trying to get ahold of me, I wasn't trying to ignore you... I just couldn't deal with everything. But, I have to say that the people who place rude reviews on my stories are not helping. I can understand why they do it because my behavior has been unexcusable, but your words are not needed. I get it. It's not fair to my readers, and I'm sorry.

Anyway, there will be sporadic updates, nothing consistent. I'm not quitting my writing, I'm just simply taking a break. A lot of things have been happening lately and some days I feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

Sorry again.

Name: Gaby, but you can also call me Tania (Since some of my friends call me that).

Birthday: December 3

Personality: Hmmm... Well I'm insane and loyal to my friends/family. I have a short temper, but can be patient when it's needed. I use sarcasm because apparently, beating the shit out of people is 'illegal'-*rolls eyes*- I'm stubborn to the extreme, which successfully pisses people off. I'm quiet, but can be loud at times. I'm blunt, so I don't sugarcoat things. Don't like it? Bug off. It's my life, not yours. I hate it when people mess with my friends, so watch out. I'm also slightly self-conscious, but it only kicks in when the people that matter, get in involved. I love anime and Harry Potter :3

Favorite music: Rock and none of that emo crap. Proper music!

Favorite food: Ramen noodles, beef-flavored. Yum!

Favorite animal(s): Foxes, snakes, and wolves. Weird combination, but I like what I like.

Top 5 favorite anime/manga:

1. Naruto - Best thing that ever happened to me, literally

2. Bleach- Is almost tied to Naruto, shockingly enough

3. Sankarea - The first actually GOOD romantic zombie anime.

4. D. Grayman- Epic, enough said.

5. Sgt. Frog- The comedy value is enough for me.

Favorite Colors: Red, black, blue, silver, purple, and orange.

So You Want To Be A Death Eater: Your Guide To Everything Evil!

Greetings, new follower:

If you are reading this letter then you have doubtless been accepted into the select band of professional wizards known as the Death Eaters. If by some unprecedented chance you are reading this and you have not been accepted into the Death Eaters then I suggest you put down this letter and leave now, or the consequences for you will be as terrible as my lifelong study into the Dark Arts can make them.

Please find enclosed a short introductory guide to Death Eating, which you must memorize and then eat, to prevent security leaks. (Due to an unfortunate fatality last week, it is now permitted to cut the guide into small pieces before swallowing).

The next meeting is scheduled for midnight, 11th June, when I trust we will have the pleasure of watching your initiation ceremony. Please remember to bring a clean handsaw and enough twine. It's so distressing when people don't prepare for these events properly.

Yours in infamy,

Lord Voldemort

So You Want To Be A Death Eater?

Welcome to this helpful guide to being a Death Eater. This leaflet should provide you with all the information you need to become a successful servant to the Dark Lord. It will if you know what's good for you. Please read every page before eating. Aims of the society:

World peace To be evil To conquer the world Elimination of all Muggles Elimination of all Mudbloods Elimination of Albus Dumbledore & the Order of the Phoenix Elimination of (miscellaneous) To serve Lord Voldemort (that's me!) To create sanctuaries for endangered breeds of snakes This statement is a lie.

List of Equipment required for new Death Eaters:

(Equipment marked must be obtained from Messers. Gorgon & Black Limited, outfitters to the intensely evil and terminally stylish since 12 BC. Their premises are on Knockturn Alley, but they now do mail order as well.)

Long Black Robes (Casual) Long Black Robes (Smart) Short Black Robes (for summer wear) Long Black cloak (silk is preferable to velvet, as it is much more absorbent) Black mask (informal) Black mask (sequined) Black boots (Stiletto heels are no longer permitted) Black leather gloves (barbed wire ornamentation optional) Wand Extra wand in case of losing first wand Plastic imitation wand in case of losing Extra wand

Cane (For favored members only. Unauthorized possession of a cane will result in a heavy fine. Before possessing cane, it is necessary to pass a rigorous series of tests to ascertain that your carrying-a-cane-in-a-nonchalant-yet-evil-fashion skills are up to scratch).

Coffin Dueling sword Disguise kit, containing: Nun's outfit, false beard, beekeeping veil, Muggle policeman's costume, etc. Saw Assorted chains Handcuffs Pointy stick

Recommended Reading:

Curses and Counter-Curses by Professor Vindictus Viridian Evil: A Beginners Guide by Professor E. Maledict The Illustrated Torturer's handbook by Bellatrix Black What Not to Wear in the Torture Chamber by Narcissa Malfoy Sex, Lies, and Unforgivable Curses: The Authorised Biography of Lord Voldemort by Peter Pettigrew Caring For Your New Tattoo: An Informative Guide St. Mungo's Hospital Skin Department

Death Eater may also own snake or dragon or hippogriff. But only Lord Voldemort may possess a basilisk.

Death Eater Rules:

No Death Eater shall be a spy for Dumbledore. No Death Eater shall play the harmonica. All Death Eaters must be proficient in the Dark Arts: murder, Unforgivable Curses, yodeling, yoga etc. An annual examination will be made to make sure that all members are up to scratch. No Death Eater shall behave with integrity unless it is a genuine accident. A Death Eater must be pureblooded. No Death Eater must ever mention that the Dark Lord himself is not pureblooded. No Death Eater may kill another Death Eater without a very good reason. All Death Eaters shall answer Lord Voldemort's summons immediately. (Unless you are having a shower, in which case it is permitted to don a bath robe first.) All Death Eaters shall have vaguely sinister surnames. All Death Eaters shall overtake on the left.

Frequently Asked Questions:

What happens if Voldemort is displeased with me?

As this is a fairly run (and currently short-staffed) organization, you will probably receive a warning. And some soul-destroying torture. A second offense and you will probably die a slow death. Options include:

Being slowly eaten by a manticore. Being dissolved in a vat of basilisk venom. Gradual impalement on your own wand. Being tied to a chair and forced to watch episode after episode of The Wiggles/Blues Clues/Dora the Explorer. Death by Mandrake (according to season). The Pancake curse. (This newly developed spell will carve you into wafer-thin slices. Victims killed in this way are traditionally cooked in hot fat and served with maple syrup or lemon juice at Death Eater feasts.) Being flayed alive and used as a life-sized glove puppet at Death Eater children's parties. Avada Kedavra (if we're in a hurry/ feeling rather unimaginative).

What should I do if I decide to leave the organization?

Make your funeral arrangements as quickly as possible.

(See above)

What is the salary like?

You should be in this job for the principle of the thing, not for sordid reasons. So let's just say that it's much, much better than they pay at the Ministry. There will also be opportunities for pillage, looting, theft, etc., and Christmas bonuses are guaranteed.

Does the Dark Mark hurt?

Of course it does; this is an evil society after all. What are you, a wimp?

Can the Dark Mark be removed by laser treatment?

No. Only a moron would ask such a stupid question.

But it can be temporarily obscured by a good-quality concealer. (Make sure it's a shade darker than your skin tone, as a lighter shade will simply draw attention to the tattoo. Pat translucent powder over the concealer to make it last longer.)

Is there a retirement age for Death Eaters?

You probably won't live long enough to have to deal with this problem.

Can I kill personal enemies or just opponents of Voldemort?

Murder is encouraged on principle; however, personal killings should be reserved for each individual Death Eater's free time, as obviously serving Lord Voldemort is much more important. Occasional massacre outings/ dark revels may take place as rewards for good (i.e. bad) behavior.

What should I do if Voldemort is defeated at the height of his powers by a one-year-old boy?

This circumstance is so unlikely that there is no point devising a protocol to deal with it.

The Death Eater Anthem

(To be memorised by each new recruit as soon as possible). Please note that this tune should never, never, never, never be sung to the tune of "Blackadder," an inane Muggle television program to which we are completely oblivious and never watch. Honestly.

Who lurk beneath the undergrowth? When all is dim and dark? Who murder people in their beds Or sometimes in the park? Death Eaters! Death Eaters! Our blood is pure as pure! Death Eaters! Death Eaters! We all love Voldemort! We serve the Dark Lord every day, We're always very loyal And if with us you don't agree We'll boil you in hot oil! Death Eaters! Death Eaters! We're evil as can be! Death Eaters! Death Eaters! But if we're scared we'll flee! Our curses are incredible. We're known for our Morsmordres And though our leader is insane We always follow orders. Death Eaters! Death Eaters! We're wickedness collective! Death Eaters! Death Eaters! Yet rather ineffective!

Health and Safety:

Being a Death Eater is naturally a dangerous job. Lord Voldemort accepts no liability for any pain/suffering/torture/impalement/loss of limbs/grievous bodily harm/disintegration/insanity/imprisonment/loss of soul/death which you may experience while in his service. No good will come of any attempts to sue him as a negligent employer. Trust us.

However, in order to protect members, these safety guidelines have been developed for Death Eaters both during leisure time and on missions for the Dark Lord:

Don't try to take out Harry Potter yourself. It is extremely presumptuous. Leave it to Lord Voldemort, who has much more practice.

Employ masterly deceit to conceal your allegiance to the Dark Lord: e.g., if someone accuses you of being a Death Eater, laugh carelessly and say: "No, I am not a Death Eater. Would you like a cup of tea?" This Machiavellian trickery should be enough to convince them.

If this does not convince your accuser, have them discreetly murdered. (Sussex and Fox Ltd, of 13, Knockturn Alley, run a very efficient assassination service and are currently offering cut-price deals for friends and associates of the Dark Lord. Present your membership card at the counter for further details.)

Keep your wand on you at all times, even if you are asleep/on a hot date/in the bath/on the beach/wearing very tight-fitting leather garments (or all of these at once).

Ostentatious indicators of evil, such as manic laughter/dressing entirely in black swooshy robes (Snape, this means you)/ making sinister comments/killing people should be practiced only in private.

If you suspect someone of being a spy, kill them and their family at the first opportunity. If it turns out they were not a spy at all, pass it off as a light-hearted practical joke.

Only eat food prepared by yourself or your faithful minions. Do not trust your spouse(s)/partner(s), no matter how pretty he/she/they may be.

Similarly, do not accept drinks from anyone. This may cause offense when visiting a pub or bar but it's better than being dead. Obviously.

Do not take off your mask for any reason while on a mission. If people see your face while you are conjuring the Dark Mark/ massacring etc, they may suspect that you are a Death Eater.

Do not try to smoke while wearing your mask, as it is not fireproof.

Never address your colleagues by name while on a mission. Survivors may recall it at a later date. For the same reason, never mention your address or telephone number to anyone you are kidnapping/raping/torturing/killing, no matter how attractive they may be. Evil relationship experts have stated that romance is unlikely to flourish under such circumstances anyway.

Burn all sensitive documents. Not only will this deter spies, it is also amusing as it contributes to global warming.

Set up an anti-Apparating spell round your residence (but make sure you have a Portkey handy so you're not embarrassingly trapped there if the place is attacked by Aurors).

Prepare a secret hideout for yourself should your cover be blown. Failure to do this may lead to your sharing a hideout with another Death Eating family, which often results in friction over use of bathroom facilities, television, etc.

Don't upset Lord Voldemort. It will only end in tears. (And multiple burns, fractured limbs, mortal torment, etc.)

Anyway, Copy and Paste anything you want.

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

-Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

-Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

-What happens if you get scared half to death twice? That's a really good question...i wonder...

-I was thinking, while I was running...

About not hitting trees, I hope.

-Forget love..I'd rather fall in chocolate!"

-Yes, I'm weird. No, I don't care."

-Silence is golden and duct tape is silver."

-Girls are better than boys because we're girls. Without us, boys wouldn't be here."

-Girls rule, boys suck. The. End.

-Yes, I ask stupid questions. Yes, I do it on purpose.

-Our opinion is not ridiculous or little. It is smart alecky and important.

-Do you make an effort to be an idiot..or is it a gift?

-Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

-Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

-There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

-Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.

-A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

-A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, " You will die in seven days..."

-A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

-A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

-A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

-A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

-A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

／l、 （ﾟ､ ｡ ７ l、 ヽ じしf,)ノ

1. If you're not angsty, you should be.
2. There is no such thing as coincidence.
3. Evil takes the form of four Japanese mangaka.
4. Everything's better in alternate universes.
5. If you're precious to your brother, you're probably doomed.
6. Actually, if you're precious to anyone, you're doomed.
7. In fact, you're probably just doomed anyways.
8. Treasure your eyes. You never know when they'll be taken away.
9. Subtext really does equal buttsex.
10. Everything has a price.
11. The most powerful people are alcoholics.
12. Never trust the bunny/pork bun.
13. True love always prevails. Usually.
14. Love comes in all forms.
15. At least you’re not Subaru.
16. Nothing says love like agreeing to be somebody’s primary food
source.
17. If someone comments on your eyes being pretty, you will probably
lose them several chapters later.
18. Even if you and your beloved are a canon couple, by the end, you
still won’t have kissed.
19. Even in other series, you still will not kiss.
20. If your grandparents are constantly on vacation, they most likely
don’t exist.
21. Never carry your most treasured item around with you.
22. Everybody has an evil twin.
23. Tokyo Tower is, more than likely, the source of all evil.
24. If you’re good-looking, you’re doomed or angsty. Probably both.
25. Don’t expect to live a happy life. You’ll only be disappointed.
26. The more they smile, the harder they fall.
27. Your fan base is directly proportional to how angsty you are.
28. Everyone is pretty, even when bleeding or in agony.
29. Torture and mind games are just another way of showing you care.
30. Your boss is bad for you.
31. The world is split into three genders: male, female and androgynous.
32. Blood is aesthetic.
33. It’s not real magic unless you can conjure a two-meter-wide magic
circle.
34. Flat strips of paper can reach the same speed as an F1 race car.
35. Fire doesn’t burn unless the plot requires it to.
36. No matter how ripped your shirt gets, it’s not coming off.
37. Men with black hair and glasses (including sunglasses) cannot be
trusted.
38. Anyone who says having magic powers is cool could not have been
more wrong.
39. It’s possible to store two swords and enough clothing for four
people inside the mouth of a bunny/pork bun.
40. Who wears short shorts? Little boy detectives wear short shorts!
41. Four leaf clovers aren’t as lucky as they’re made out to be.
42. If you’re a character voiced by Megumi Ogata/cool/fan favourite/
bishounen, you’re doomed.
43. Hell, you’re in a CLAMP anime. You’re doomed.
44. Remember your dreams- they’re the key to the plot.
45. If you can’t whistle, “hyuu” instead.
46. If you feel someone’s watching you, they probably are.
47. If he’s tall, dark and handsome, he’s taken- by the
outrageously cute boy standing next to him.
48. Feathers have the ultimate power. Buy a chicken.
49. If your series is happy sugar-coated fairies and gay, you will
most likely all die a horrible death at the hand of a psychotic clone.
50. Everything will be alright.
51. Just because you return from a journey, doesn’t mean you’ll
return in one piece.
52. Everything happens in Tokyo.
53. Cute stuffed animals make the best magical servants.
54. Swords longer than your height are easy to manage.
55. Attack names/chants are more important than actual skill or
experience.
56. Cherry blossoms are a sign of good luck.
57. Cherry blossoms are a sign of bad luck.
58. Cherry blossoms are- sod that, if you see cherry blossoms, run.
59. Even after your heart is pierced by someone's hand, you will still
have plenty of time to divulge deep dark secrets/words of wisdom/angst/
last words before you actually die.
60. Show your true love not by exchanging rings, but eyes.
61. No one is really happy. They’re just hiding some dark secret.
62. Dressing someone up in cute but outlandish outfits is a sign of
great love and affection.
63. The easiest way to solve a love triangle is to kill somebody.
64. Inanimate objects have feelings.
65. Eyes, especially magic ones, are in high demand.
66. Cosplay is completely normal in Tokyo.
67. Love your parents while you can.
68. The general public is oblivious to strange/supernatural/
inexplicable/mysterious events/people/objects.
69. Don’t give your name to strangers.
70. Wherever you are, there is a Miyuki somewhere in the background.
71. Apparently, magic allows you to eat other people’s eyes like
candy.
72. Walking between a fence and a lamp-post will send you to another
time/dimension.
73. Never trust shop owners