Chapter 5: Michael Jordon Meets the Toons
The next day, back in the real world, Michael Jordon was golfing with Stan Podolak, Larry Bird and Bill Murray of Ghostbusters fame. Right now, Bill was about to take a shot. "175 yards. Okay little fella. You my friend? Or are you my enemy? You are my friend, right? You are my ally. You are my associate, my personal assistant. You are my weapon. You are leaving," said Bill. He swung and then hit the ball. "Oh. Great shot," said Michael. "Mmm. Nice shot, Mr Murray," said Stan, clapping. The ball landed far from the hole. Bill was still hanging the golf club above his head. "You can stop posing now," said Micheal. He let out a chuckle. "Good try," said Michael. "Not bad. Not bad," said Larry as stepped forward to take his shot. "Something for you to shoot at," said Bill to Michael. "Hit it good Larry," said Michael. "Do my best," said Larry.
"It was a good shot," said Micheal to Bill. "Yeah I know Mike, I gotta ask you something. The NBA has to face reality. What's happening to these players is serious. They're gonna need some new players with talent, guys who are skilled but never really thought about a professional career before," said Bill. He thought for a moment. "You think I got a shot?" asked Bill. Micheal shook his head. "Come on, really?" asked Bill. "Listen, it's a man's game, and you can't play," said Michael. "What if I tried really hard?" asked Bill. "Can you keep it down? I'm trying to hit the ball," said Larry. "It's because I'm white isn't it?" asked Bill. "No. Larry's white. So what?" asked Michael. "Larry's not white, Larry's clear," said Bill. Larry hit his ball. "You got it, Larry!" said Bill. "Get inside this ball," said Michael. Larry's ball landed near the hole. It almost went in too. "Whoa," said Stan, feeling impressed. "You clowns can't beat that. It's the best shot I ever hit," bragged Larry. "You haven't been playing long," said Michael. "It's a hall of fame shot," said Larry. "Real nice shot, Mr. Bird," said Stan. "Larry. Please," said Larry. "Nice shot Mr. Larry," said Stan. "Nice shot Larry," said Bill.
Stan gave Michael his golf gloves. "You can do this. Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous. You can do this," said Stan as Micheal put on the gloves. "Larry, you feel that the NBA has to face reality, don't ya? It's just gotta start looking for some more dominant players in places they've never looked before," said Bill. "Just look at the ball. Visualize the shot where you want it to go," said Stan. "Right, right, right," said Michael taking his golf ball and pin. "Be the ball. Be the ball," said Stan. "Get off the tee," said Michael, sounding annoyed. "All right," said Stan. "You can't jump," said Larry. "I . . . Yeah go on," said Bill. "Close to the pin?" asked Michael. "Close to the pin, for dinner?" asked Bill. "Sounds good," said Larry. "I'll go close to the pin," said Bill. "I'll take some of that," said Larry.
(Insert "Hole in One" from Space Jam)
Michael looked at the ball before swinging his club, hitting the ball into the air. "That's not bad. Good shot," said Bill. "Get down!" said Michael. The ball went down toward the ground. "Look at that. Look at that spin," said Michael. The ball landed on the ground. Little did Michael and the others know that Bugs Bunny was under the ground where the ball was. He took out a magnet to lure the golf ball into the hole. The ball began to roll toward the hole, drawn in by the magnet. "Come on," said Michael. "It is alive!" said Bill. The ball rolled until it fell in the hole. Michael yelled in excitement while Larry, Bill, and Stan cheered for him. "Yes! My first hole in one! Yes!" said Bill. He gave Bill and Larry high fives.
(End Music)
All four went to go to the hole to get the ball. "Oh," said Bill. "Don't say this," said Larry. Never seen one of these before," said Stan. Micheal took the flag pole out. "Larry, nothing but the bottom of the cup," said Michael. "That's his ball too," said Bill. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my ball sorry," said Michael. "Wait, wait, wait. Let me get a picture of this," said Stan, taking out a camera. "You guys are jealous," said Michael. "All right. Here we go. Now you're gonna smile. You reach in, you reach in for the ball, and then you smile, okay?" asked Stan. "Yes," said Michael as he leaned in, reaching for his ball. "And you think, 'This is good'," said Stan. "All right. Okay," said Stan. Michael put his hand in the golf hole and smiled for the camera. But before Stan could take a picture, a rope appeared from the hole and wrapped around Michael's wrist. It pulled him down the hole, making him lose his hat and one of his shoes. Stan, Bill, and Larry were confused by this. Stan looked from the hole and to the camera. "What kind of camera is that?" asked Bill. "It's just a . . . ," said Stan. "Would you not point that at me, please? And close the lens caps!" said Bill as he grabbed the camera and tossed it away."I didn't do anything! I just took . . . ," said Stan. "Where'd he go?" asked Larry.
In the tunnel below, Michael was being dragged by the rope, screaming. His lips were flapping too. He then saw the Warner Bros. Pictures logo entrance to Looney Tunes Land ahead. Michael was dragged through it, entering the realm of the toons. Michael fell down from the sky and crashed into the center of Acme Acres.
(Insert "Michael in Tuneland" from Space Jam)
Yosemite Sam was the one using the rope to drag Michael and was roping it up. Michael started to recover. Winged golf balls flew around his head. His vision was a bit blurry. But when his vision become more clear, he saw both Bugs Bunny and his student, Buster Bunny standing right in front of him. "Oh, uh, look out for the first step, doc, it's a real lulu," said Bugs. "Bugs Bunny? Buster Bunny?" asked Michael. "Eh, you were expecting maybe the Easter Bunny?" asked Buster. "You're cartoons, you're not real," said Michael. "Not real, eh?" asked Buster. "If I weren't real, could I do this?" asked Bugs. He grabbed Michael by the shirt and kissed him with a big smackaroo. Michael wiped his mouth, disgusted.
At that moment, the other Looney Tunes, Tiny Toons and Animaniacs started to show up. Elmer Fudd and Foghorn Leghorn emerged from a barber shop. The gangsters; Rocky and Mugsy emerged from a Loans building. "Oh, wook; is that Michael?" asked Elmer. "It's Michael!" cried Sylvester, emerging from a manhole cover, feeling rejoiced. "It's Air Jordan!" said Granny. Tasmanian Devil burst out of a mailbox. "Basketball!" said Taz. And he spun around toward where Michael was. "Alright!" said Dizzy, following after his mentor. Tweety Bird emerged from his nest in a tree and saw Michael. "Ooh, I tawt I taw . . . I did; I did see Michael Jordan!" said Tweety flew down from his nest. "Wait for me," said Sweetie Pie, following behind.
Fifi La Fume and her mother, Fleur La Fume were walking down the street when Fifi spotted Michael Jordon. She was wearing her green dress again. "Ooh la la! Meechael Jahrdon's here! Cahme on, mahthair!" cried Fifi as she dragged Fleur by the hand. "Fifi, tahke eet easy!" cried Fleur. Shirley was in the midst of meditating when she Plucky approached her. "Shirley, Shirley!" said Plucky. "Like, what's so important that you have to interrupt my meditation?" asked Shirley. "Michael Jordon's here!" said Plucky. "Like, for real?" asked Shirley. "You bet!" said Plucky. He and Shirley began to join the other toons. Ralph the Guard was chasing the Warner Siblings; Yakko, Wakko and Dot as usual when the Warners spotted Michael. "Hey look, it's Michael!" said Yakko. Ralph stopped and saw Yakko was right. Pinky and Brain were hearing the commotion. "What's going on?" asked Brain. "Michael Jordon's here," said Minerva as she was passing by the two lab mice. "Egad! Did you say Michael Jordon?!" asked Pinky. "Mm-hmm," said Minerva. All the toons soon gathered around a befuddled Michael Jordon. Porky Pig pulled out a pencil and autograph book. "Eh, pardon me, Mr. Jordan. Eh, could I have your auto . . . your John Hancock, please?" asked Porky. But then, Bimbette Skunk pushed Porky aside. "Hold on. Lady's first," said Bimbette, taking out her own autograph book.
Just at that moment, Daffy Duck showed up wearing a doctor's uniform. Hello Nurse was accompanying him. "Back off! Let the doctor take a look," said Daffy. Bimbette let out a frustrated huff. Daffy put Michael in a patient's chair and pulled the lever. But the chair was lifted up too high. "Whoops," said Daffy. "That's a little high," said Hello Nurse. "No," said Michael, shaking his head, knowing what was going to happen. "Going down," said Daffy. He let out his signature woo-hoos as he pulled the lever again. Michael Jordon shut his eyes. "No!" yelled Michael. The chair went down really fast and hit the ground. Luckily, he was unharmed. Wile E. Coyote, Pepé Le Pew, Porky Pig, Granny, Foghorn Leghorn, Hippity Hopper, Speedy Gonzales and Barnyard Dawg clapped and held up number signs, giving him points. "So, what do you say we go for a little spin?" asked Daffy. The daffy doc spun Michael around then stopped the chair. "Otoscope please?" asked Daffy. Hello Nurse handed Daffy the said tool and he looked into his ear. "Hmm. Now let's what we got inside here," said Daffy. "Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!" yodeled Bugs into Michael's ear. "Say 'Ahh'!" said Daffy as he put a thermometer in Michael's mouth. The thermometer swelled until it exploded. Daffy stamped an "A-OK" sign on Michael's forehead. "All right, he's OK!" said Daffy.
"What's going on here?" asked Michael expressionlessly. Bugs suddenly jumped onto Michael's lap. "Why, Michael, I thought you'd never ask. You see these aliens come from outer space, and they wanna make us slaves in their theme park. Eh, what do we care they're little. So we challenged them to a basketball game. But then they show up and they ain't so little. They're huge! We need to beat these guys," said Bugs. Bugs began to imagine himself being chained up and being forced to perform on stage. "'Cause they're talking about slavery! Then they'll make us do stand-up comedy, the same jokes every night for all eternity. We're gonna be locked up like wild animals and then trotted out to perform for a bunch of lowbrow, bug-eyed, fat-headed, humor-challenged aliens! Eh, what I'm trying to say is . . . WE NEED YOUR HELP!" yelled Bugs. "Yeah, but I'm a baseball player now!" said Michael. Bugs pulled out a rabbit skull. "Right, and I'm a Shakespearean actor," said Bugs sarcastically. He tossed the skull away. "Besides, you wouldn't be here if she hadn't suggested to bring you here," said Bugs.
(End Music)
(Insert "Alouette")
Fifi La Fume then stepped forward. "Bahnjour," said Fifi, doing a curtsey. "You're Fifi La Fume," said Michael. "Oui," said Fifi. "You know, you Tiny Toons look a little older," said Michael. "Sings hahve chahnged evair seence ze show wrahpped up prahduction. Eencludeeng ze ahrreevahl of my mahthair," said Fifi. "How do you do?" said Fleur.
(End Music)
Meanwhile, back up on the surface, Stan was staring down the golf hole that Michael was sucked down. "Mike? Michael? It's Stan. Stan Podolak. Uh look, I-I need you to come out now, okay? Because you got a baseball game tomorrow. And I'd look pretty stupid if you don't show up," said Stan. Bill and Larry started to walk away. "You think Michael's all right? Boy, I hate to leave him like this," said Larry. "Aw, I'm sure he's fine. I think he had to get away from that Stan character," said Bill. "Oh, bleep he's pathetic, isn't he?" asked Larry. "Yeah. Larry, I'm gonna give us both twos back there. We weren't in any kind of emotional state to putt," said Bill. "I think that's fair," said Larry. The two put their golf clubs in the trunk and got into their golf cart. They then began to drive away. "Now, if Mike is gone, the NBA is gonna need some new people. There's room at the top. An exciting kinda guy who could maybe even perform at halftime. Now, are you still tight with David Stern? I mean a phone call from you . . . ," said Bill.
Michael has met the toons and has been informed of their predicament. This was originally going to be two separate chapters. But they were both too short so I merged them into one. Next chapter, Michael will meet the Monstars . . .