Chapter 7: Fifi's Old Friend
Up in the real world, Stan was digging up the golf hole that Michael was sucked down. A golfer approached him. "What are you doing?" asked the Golf. "I'm, uh . . . I'm fixing a divot," fibbed Stan. "Oh," said the Golfer. He walked back and called out to his friends. "He's fixing a divot!" said the Golfer. Stan continued digging.
(Insert "The Tunes Practice" from Space Jam)
Very soon, everybody started practicing basketball. There was a banner outside the gym advertising basketball tryouts. The students of both Acme Looniversity and Perfecto Prep were dressed up in their school basketball uniforms. Unfortunately, most of the adults and certain students weren't taking the training seriously. They were just doing their usual looney antics. Pepé Le Pew was hopping after Penelope Pussycat who had a white stripe accidentally painted on her back, again. Elmyra was also chasing her because she still wanted to make Penelope her pet. "Come back, kitty! I won't hurt you!" cried Elmyra. "Hey! Leave my skunk fahtale ahlahne!" said Pepé. As he hopped, he landed on top of Elmyra's head, forcing her down onto the ground.
Barnyard Dawg was chasing Foghorn Leghorn with a club. But eventually, Foghorn grabbed his canine foe and began smacking him in the butt with a wooden board. Taz was spinning around like a tornado. Sam Sheepdog was trying to prevent Ralph Wolf from eating a sheep that wandered into the gym. As Fifi was dribbling a basketball, she heard Elmyra's voice. "Come to me, my purple kitty!" cried Elmyra as she ran toward Fifi. But Fifi was ready for her. She used her tail like a spring to catapult herself out of Elmyra's path. Elmyra then ended up bumping into Arnold the Pit Bull. "Vatch it, you clumsy girl!" snarled Arnold. He then kicked Elmyra, sending her crashing into some of the Perfecto Prep students, bowling them over like bowling pins. Unfortunately for Furrball, most of the students weren't allowing him to participate, much to the frustration of Fifi, Penelope, Anais and some of the students who treated him right.
Yosemite Sam was shooting his guns. A ball hit Daffy in the butt, blowing the feathers off of it. The same ball clonked him on the head, causing a bump to form. Wile E. Coyote then caught the ball. Calamity Coyote was at his side. Suddenly, both the Roadrunner and Little Beeper ran up to their arch enemies. The Roadrunner snatched the ball from him with his head feathers. "Beep beep!" said the Roadrunner & Little Beeper. Both roadrunners began to run around and around the court, beep beeping. They ran around Michael before crashing through the wall. When the dust settled, everybody could see the desert through the hole. Wile E. and Calamity Coyotes then charged toward the hole in the wall to go after the two roadrunners. But when they reached the hole, CRASH! For the hole turned fake. Seconds after that, the hole rolled up like a canvas. Wile E.'s head stuck out from one end of the roll, and Calamity's head stuck out from the other. Anais couldn't help but giggle. Michael shook his head.
"So, are we doing well, Michael, amigo?" asked Speedy. "I hate to say this, but most of you adults aren't really taking this seriously," said Michael. Everybody stopped when they heard Michael's brutally honest words. "It seems to me that the students are doing a better job. Well, everybody except Elmyra. I mean, has anyone other than the young ones ever played basketball?" asked Michael. "Um, I have," said a female voice that most of everybody have never heard before. They turned and saw who the voice belonged to. Entering the gym was an adult female rabbit. She had tan fur, aqua colored eyes, blonde bangs and a purple rubber band tied around her ears, kind of like a ponytail. She was wearing a white tank top that showed her midriff, blue shorts and a black jacket. Like Fifi, she wore purple eyeshadow. "I'd like to try out for the team," said Lola. The instant Bugs Bunny saw the girl bunny, he was smitten by her good looks. "Hey?" asked Bugs. "Another rabbit?! As if Acme Acres didn't have enough rabbits," complained Daffy. "I agree with you on that completely, Professor Daffy," said Plucky. "Hello bunny nurse!" said Yakko and Wakko. Dot just rolled her eyes.
The female rabbit took off her jacket. Now that her jacket was off, everybody could see how curvy she was. Some of the males just blushed or swooned at the sight of how sexy she looked. When Prissy, Babs, Shirley, Fifi, Rhubella, Margot saw Foghorn, Buster, Plucky, Hamton, Roderick and Danforth swooning at the girl rabbit, they smashed them with clubs and mallets, flattening them into pancakes. The girl rabbit just shook her head in annoyance. "Lahla, you've cahme like I ahsked," said Fifi as she ran up to the female rabbit. Fifi then hugged Lola, causing her to smile. "Hello, Fifi. It's good to see you too," said Lola "Fifi, who is this girl and how do you know her?" asked Babs. "Why ziss ees Lahla Bunny. She taught me how to play bahsketbahll prahperly evair seence I stahrted ahttendeeng Ahcme Looniverseety. I cahlled hair ahftair Meechael decided to help us," said Fifi.
Roughly an hour ago . . .
Fifi inserted the coin to the pay phone and dialed Lola's phone number. Lola was relaxing at her home when her phone rang. She picked up it. "Hello?" asked Lola. "Bahnjour. Eet's me, Fifi La Fume. Ze skunkette whahm you taught to play bahsketbahll. I'm cahlleeng cause we need your help," said Fifi. "Fifi. It's been a while. So do you mean, we need my help?" asked Lola. "I dahn't know eef you heard, sahme ahliens hahve cahme to Looney Tunes Lahnd ahnd wahnt to mahke us ahll zeir slahves fahr zeir faileeng ahmusement pahrk. We chahllenged zem to a bahsketbahll gahme een ordair to tahke ahdvahntage of zeir smahll size. But suddenly, zey're huge! We brought Meechael Jahrdon to help us, but I sink we'll need your help too," said Fifi. "What can do to help?" asked Lola. "Othair zan being on ze team, your coacheeng skeells may help shahpe us up. I know us young ones know how to play bahsketbahll, but I sink eet's ze ahdults zat need ze mahst coacheeng seence zey're mahstly fahcused on zeir looney ahnteecs. So, cahn you please cahme to ze Schleseengair Gymnahsium, please?" asked Fifi. Lola thought for a moment. "I know where that is. I'll come as soon as I can," said Lola. "You will? Zat's great! Merci! I know zat you'll be of great help! Hahpe to see you soon. Au revoir," said Fifi. And she hung up the phone. And Fifi went to join her teachers and friends at the gym.
Present Time . . .
"Ahnd now she's here," said Fifi. "I'm also here to shape you all out. From what I see, most of you aren't even trying to play the game. You're just doing your usual looney antics. The only ones who are actually putting effort into practicing are Fifi and the other students," said Lola. She noticed Elmyra was chasing after Playboy Penguin now. But before she could seize him, Minerva Mink stuck out her leg, tripping Elmyra. She landed on the ground on her face. "But it looks like the only young one who isn't even trying is Elmyra. If we're to beat the Monstars, you must take things seriously," said Lola.
"Excuse me," said Bugs, approaching Lola. "Hi, my name is Lola Bunny," said Lola, extending out her hand. "Lola?" asked Bugs, shaking her hand. Lola giggled. "Hello. Eh, my name is . . . Bugs!" belched Bugs. Lola giggled again as Bugs cleared his throat. "You wanna play a little one on one, doll?" asked Bugs. Lola felt offended when she heard Bugs call her that. "Doll?" asked Lola, with fire in her eyes. "Uh-huh," said Bugs. His eyes were currently red hearts and more hearts floated and popped above him. "Uh-oh. He shouldn't hahve said zat" said Fifi. "On the court . . . Bugs," said Lola. "Sure," said Bugs. And he followed after her eagerly. "Ooh she's hot," said Tweety. He touched his rear and steam appeared with a hissing sound. Michael smiled at him. "He's een trouble," said Fifi. "What do you mean, Fifi?" whispered Buster. "Dahll ees Lahla's treeggair wahrd. I've seen hair trounce mahny men fahr cahlleeng hair zat. Ahnd eet looks like your mentahr's next," said Fifi.
"Ready?" asked Lola as she started to dribble the ball. "Yes," said Bugs. He then tried to block Lola. "I got it! I got it!" said Bugs. Before he could get the ball, Lola dashed past him, spinning him around until he was tied in a knot. Lola then made a slam dunk. Everybody was impressed with her skills. "The girl's got some skills," said Michael. Tweety nodded in agreement. "Of course. She was my teacher in the sport after all," said Fifi. Lola walked up to Bugs. "Yes?" asked Bugs. Lola pulled Bugs close to her face. "Don't ever call me . . . doll," said Lola. She blew her ears out of her face. "Check," said Bugs. He then fell to the floor, stiff as a board. Lola started to leave. "Hey, nice playing with you. I'll not just be your teammate, I'll be your coach as well. And don't expect me to go easy on you just because I'm a lady," said Lola. She then began to leave. "I think I found my future new mentor," said Babs. "Very smooth," said Michael. "Ahh, she's obviously nuts about me," said Bugs. Fifi just rolled her eyes. "Obviously," said Michael sarcastically. "Mais oui," said Pepé, picking up the ball. "OK, where's the ball?" asked Michael. Pepé passed the ball to him. Let's do some drills. The toons murmured in agreement.
But then, Michael's golf cleat got stuck to the floor. He pulled hard and then he fell to the floor, pulling a floor board out. He got back up. "Anyone lend me a pair of sneakers?" asked Michael. "Uh sneakers?" asked Bugs. All the toons looked down on their feet. But most of them were all bare footed, except Yosemite Sam, Elmer Fudd and Montana Max. "Sowwy," said Tweety, wiggling his foot. "Someone's gonna have to go my house and pick up my basketball gear," said Michael. "To your house? In 3-D land?" asked Daffy, as he spat saliva onto the screen. "Yeah, whatever you do don't forget my North Carolina shorts," said Michael. "Your shorts? From college?" asked Daffy. "I wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game," said Michael. "Eww," said the toons. Wile E. Coyote held his nose in disgust. "Le yuck," said Pepé & Fifi. "Hey. I washed them after every game," said Michael. "Yeah!" scoffed Daffy. "Sure!" said Sylvester. "I did!" said Michael. "Gross!" said Porky.
(End Music)
A little later, Lola was at the break room, drinking some water when Fifi & her mother, Babs, Shirley and Anais approached her. "Bahnjour, Lahla," said Fifi. "Oh, hello Fifi," said Lola. "Mind eef we join you aht ze tahble?" asked Fifi. "Sure," said Lola. "Merci," said Fifi. Fifi and the other girls sat down. "I'd like to eentrahduce you to my best friends; Bahbs Bunny, Sheerley ze Loon ahnd Ahnais ze Roadrunnair. Ahnd ziss ees my mahthair, Fleur La Fume" said Fifi. "Hello," said Babs. "Bahnjour," said Fleur.
"I never saw you at all in Acme Acres during the days I was training Fifi. How long ago did you move here?" asked Lola. "A couple of mahnths ahgo. Ahnd eet wahs a good sing I cahme too. I needed to mahke sure my daughtair grew up een a prahpair house. Naht zat brahken Cahdeellahc een ze deerty junkyard. Ahnd naht to mention, she wahs cahnstahntly getteeng hahrassed by Elmyra, wahnteeng to mahke my daughtair hair pet. But evair seence I ahrrived hair, I've hahd Elmyra ahrrested fahr keednahppeeng chahrges on mahre zan one occahsion. But yet, she steell refuses to learn hair lessahn," said Fleur. "Well, one of these days, her obsession with Fifi is going to destroy her," said Lola. "Like, I totally agree with you on that one," said Shirley. "Oui," said Fifi.
"So, Lola, have you ever considered a teaching position at Acme Looniversity by any chance?" asked Babs. "I haven't yet. Why do you ask?" asked Lola. "You see, my current mentor, Honey, she just retired to start a family with Bosko. So, I'm in need of a new mentor. So I figured, you'd be the perfect new mentor since we're both girl rabbits," said Babs. Lola thought for a moment. "Well, I'll make my final decision once we beat the Monstars in the big game. Cause right now, I need to drill the others into professional players starting tomorrow," said Lola. "Mahst of us students ahre ze only ones who ahre ahctually tahkeeng ze traineeng seriously. Ze ahdults ahren't even trying ahs you sahw. Zey're mahre fahcused on zeir looney ahnteecs. Ahnd Elmyra's only sinkeeng ahbout getteeng new pets to replahce ze ones zat were keelled by Hahrley Quinn's hyenahs weeks ahgo. Ahnd to mahke mahtters wahrse, mahst of ze othair toons ahren't letteeng Furrbahll pahrteecipahte een prahctice," said Anais.
"Why not?" asked Lola. "You see, Furrbahll hahs a really bahd cahse of being very unlucky. Ahnd he's ahlways getteeng peecked on just because he's a caht ahnd a laht of people view heem ahs a beerd, fish ahnd mice eateeng mahnstair. Ahnd he's ahlways getteeng berahted fahr hees failures by Sylvestair," said Fifi. "Well, it's true that he's unlucky," said Babs unsympathetically. "Babs, is that the attitude I want to see in a future protégé?" scolded Lola. "Uh . . . no?" replied Babs nervously. "Well, every toon that wants to participate in this big game must play a part. And Furrball's no exception," said Lola.
Just then, Bugs and Daffy approached the table where the girls were at. "Excuse me, Fifi?" asked Bugs. "Oui?" asked Fifi. "Daffy and I are going to go up to the surface world to get Michael Jordon's basketball gear. Minerva's coming too after she changes into the right outfit for such a mission. And we were hoping you can come along too," said Bugs. "Moi?" asked Fifi. "Yeah. Michael's told me that he has a dog named Charles. And if he tries to attack us, we'd figured you can scare it away with your stink," said Bugs. "Okay. I'll cahme," said Fifi. "Be cahreful, Fifi," said Fleur. "Dahn't wahrry, mahthair. I'll hahve Bugs, Dahffy ahnd Minerva to look out fahr moi," said Fifi. And the young skunkette left with Bugs and Daffy to meet up with Minerva for their mission.
Outside the gym, Furrball sat on the sidewalk, still feeling sad about being left out. At that moment, Penelope Pussycat approached him. "Steell feeleeng sahd ahbout being snubbed out of prahctice?" asked Penelope. Furrball nodded sadly. "It's not fair! The others don't want me playing and my only friends keep getting outvoted about wanting me to play. Sylvester is being allowed to play. But why not me?! I should be out there, playing alongside my mentor!" said Furrball. Tears began to pour down his face. Penelope then began to hug Furrball. "Dahn't cry. I'm here. Shh. Shh," said Penelope.
"Now isn't that sweet?" asked an unpleasant voice the two knew too well. Furrball and Penelope saw it belonged to Pound. He and the other Monstars were carrying some gym equipment they bought to the place they were going to train at. "So sweet it makes me want to vomit," said Pound. "Whaht do you five wahnt?" asked Penelope. "We were just finishing a little shopping trip and what do we find? The most pathetic toons on the block," said Bang. "Pahtheteec?" asked Penelope. "Yeah. Pathetic," said Blanko. "You two should consider yourselves lucky. We won't even bother making you our slaves like the others," said Bupkus. "Why not?" asked Furrball. "You don't have the talents!" said Nawt. "And everybody knows that black and white cats can't jump!" jeered Bupkus.
Hearing this made Penelope angry. Very angry. "Zat ees eet! I hahve hahd eet up to here weeth people lookeeng down on me ahnd furrbahll. I may hahve only just recently met heem, but I cahn't stahnd seeing heem being treated ze way everybahdy treats heem! Mahnstahrs, we'll prahve zat we hahve tahlents!" said Penelope. "Ooh! We're shaking in our sneakers!" taunted Nawt. And the Monstars left laughing. "Believe me, you will," said Penelope quietly.
There you have it, Fifi's old friend is Lola Bunny. Them being old friends makes sense to me since both gals are voiced by Kath Soucie. As you read, Lola is going to have to get the toons who aren't taking the game seriously to act serious, especially Elmyra. And Babs has high hopes that Lola will be her new mentor once they win the game. The final paragraphs involving Furrball and Penelope was suggested by ToonFanJoey. Next chapter, Bugs and Daffy will go get Michael's stuff like in the original movie, but with Fifi and Minerva also coming along too.