Writing on the Wall

Chapter 3: Carmilla

Bella

I felt the week pass like a blur.

I was able to successfully evade most of Penelope's questions about my whereabouts Friday night, and felt grateful that she wasn't as pushy as my friends back in Forks. She was just worried about my sudden disappearance. Once she was sure I was really okay, she left me alone.

Bruce, on the other hand, was a bit more insistent.

"Was it something I said? My friends?" he pressed when he found me in the halls and insisted on walking me to my next class.

I sighed. "I don't really want to talk about it, Bruce. But we're okay, if that's what you're worried about."

He frowned, tucking his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "Sorry. I was worried about you."

That made me soften a bit. "Don't be. I enjoyed the night, for the most part. Thank you for inviting me."

He smiled, showing a perfect set of teeth. It warmed my heart. "Let's hang out again some time. Penelope too, if you want. No more parties."

"Are you sure you're not just using me to get to my roommate?" I teased.

"Maybe," he chuckled.

"I'll give her your number."

"Bella, I was kidding!" He was laughing loudly now. "God––Okay, I like her, but she's not really my type."

"And what's a swindler's type?"

He hummed dramatically, scratching his head. "Let's see…Brunettes. The type to leave in the middle of a party without warning. Yeah, that type of girl."

I stopped walking then, staring at him incredulously. His blatant flirting had caught me off-guard. "Um…"

He heaved a sigh. "Again, kidding, Bella. Don't get all worked up for me yet."

"I hate you."

"See you Wednesday," he winked.

I did find myself looking forward to Wednesday, but not because of Bruce. There was a weird twitching in my stomach every time the thought of seeing Carlisle Cullen again passed my mind.

I'd let myself become vulnerable that night. He'd made it so easy; I'd always known Carlisle to be kind and forthcoming, but Friday night was different. He'd even shared his own vulnerabilities as well, which somehow drew me to him even more. I found myself hanging to his every word. And he gave me comfort when I shared my own thoughts.

It was an unconventional relationship, being this close to who is technically my ex-boyfriend's dad. I even felt in a dull pang of guilt in the bottom of my stomach because of it.

But when I watched him gracefully striding into lecture hall again, I thought: Could anyone blame me?

I barely even noticed Bruce come in late and sit next to me.

The two hours passed both achingly slowly and quickly. Whenever Carlisle locked his eyes with mine, time seemed to slow down until he broke away his gaze. I wrote down notes attentively as he discussed David Brian's writing style. When he called for students to recite a few times, I couldn't help but notice he had an effect on others as well.

Hell, a girl in braids had to ask for a question to be repeated twice.

It was both amusing and annoying.

"The story is named Carmilla," Carlisle was saying in his calm but firm voice, as he walked slowly up the aisle. "Her character was widely influential in the Victorian era. However, you may notice she barely made an appearance in this text. Perhaps someone in the class could give us a background on this figure…?"

He stopped walking when he was directly in front of me, and I gulped. He was so close that I could smell his familiar, comforting scent.

"Miss Swan?" he said softly.

Fuck, I thought, scrambling to gather my thoughts. I felt the eyes of the other fifty people in the room turn to me, and I had to clench my fists to stop them from trembling. "If I'm not mistaken, sir, Carmilla was a character originally created by Le Fanu in the 1800s. Brian's book can work as a companion or prequel to this. In Le Fanu's book, Carmilla was a female vampire who preyed on young women."

"Correct," he commended, and I felt my heart flutter. "And in your opinion, why do think his work–– with this character––remains influential even centuries after its conception?"

I had to think about that for a moment. "Maybe because of her sex?"

Carlisle smiled encouragingly. "Go on."

"Like you said, it's the Victorian era," I continued slowly. "People's perceptions of women were different, maybe even seeing them as weak and helpless. The depiction of a strong female figure, with powers to be feared even by men, that's…different."

His smile widened as I spoke, ending with a flash of his perfect, shiny set of teeth. "A very valid point, Ms. Swan." He turned to the rest of the class. "Perhaps we can end our session on this note: a strong woman has the capacity to inspire…and fear."

He threw me a strange, unreadable expression as he said that last part.

After a few final reminders on our paper due the next week, the class was finally over.

"He really grilled you, huh?" Bruce commented as he zipped up his bag next to me.

I chuckled. "I think I did okay."

He shrugged. "Hey, how about we work on that paper together this weekend?"

I bit my lip and looked down at my feet. "I may have already done it."

Bruce stared at me like I grew a second head.

"I had time, okay?" I said, laughing nervously.

"You're built different, Bella Swan," he concluded. "Running to be the professor's pet?"

I couldn't help but blush at that, but I quickly hid it by turning around to fiddle with the strap of my bag. "I can still help you out, you know. Make you coffee or whatever."

I saw Bruce widen his eyes at the corner of my eye. "Coffee. Real domestic. I like it, I accept."

Again, I took my time fixing my bag, waiting for everyone but the blond angel to leave the room. When they finally did, I found Carlisle leaning against the front of his desk with his arms crossed, eyes already fixated on me in the same strange expression I saw a few minutes ago.

I took a deep breath and approached him. When I reached him, I pulled out the paper I made from my bag, handing it over.

I watched his lips curve into a small smile. "Great work today, Ms. Swan," he murmured, taking the paper off my hands.

"Did you have to put me on the spot like that?" I mumbled.

"I wouldn't put you in a position I know you can't handle," he replied. I watched his warm, golden eyes flit quickly across the pages, and I suddenly felt intensely self-conscious. After all, I'd been raving about how much I loved writing, but what if it turns out I actually fucking sucked––

"Bella," he said in almost a whisper, gently pulling me out of my thoughts. "You have talent."

I would've melted right then and there if I could. "W-wow, um. Thank you."

He looked up at me and I was startled by the intensity of his gaze. I suddenly felt like I was too close to him, with only two feet between us. We locked eyes for what seemed to be an eternity again, until he eventually broke the connection.

He turned slightly to put my paper down before facing me again. "May I ask you something?"

"Of course."

He bit his lip ever so slightly before looking up at me. "Do you genuinely want me here in your life?"

I froze. "What, of course I––"

"Please really think about it first," he continued, his expression serious. "I enjoy your company and the opportunity to be around you, Bella. I enjoy being close to you, maybe even…But…"

He sighed, and looked like he was struggling with his words. I wasn't used to him being anything but collected and this worried me.

"I'm just afraid that my presence may hinder the growth you seek," he finally said. "I've been thinking about the things you've shared with me, and I just want to be sure that I'm not the last thing you need. I wouldn't be able to bear it."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, completely flabbergasted.

Nonetheless, I knew he was right. It was a fear that nagged the back of my mind. After all, the things I've been feeling––the butterflies, the excitement, the hanging on to every word, the dull aching in my chest…I've felt them all before, just for a different Cullen. And the result was catastrophic.

He knew I was feeling things, and that the writing's on the wall that it would not end well. Carlisle was trying to warn me.

Déjà vu. It hurt the same, if not worse.

"I…I don't know what to say," I said lamely.

"You don't have to," he assured me, giving me a soft smile. He gently placed a hand on each of my shoulders, bare due to the spaghetti strapped blouse I chose to wear that day. I shuddered at the temperature difference, but at the same time felt a warm feeling swelling in my chest. "Take all the time you need to think about it."

"And while I do?"

He moved to tap my chin as he always did, but this time, his hand lingered to hold my face for more than a second. I immediately felt the butterflies in my stomach again. "Until you do, I'll be Professor Cullen."

I smiled at him, but it must've looked sad because I saw a split-second expression of pain etched in his face.

"Before you go back to being just my professor," I said slowly, trying to figure out how to diffuse the tension, "can I ask you something in return?"

"Anything."

I pursed my lips. "Was Carmilla real?"

I succeeded in making him smile, at least. "Yes, she is."

"She's still alive?" I gasped.

He quirked an eyebrow. "I'm surprised with your shock, Bella, given the fact I'm a couple of centuries older than she is."

I blushed. "Oh, I…That's not…"

"No worries," he said, smiling. "Yes, Carmilla is real and alive. However, the stories never really did her justice. For one, she has one of the kindest, most sensitive souls I've ever had the chance to meet and rarely ever showed malice towards others, as opposed to her fictional counterpart. She is also much more powerful than she was portrayed, having the special ability to detect lies.

"She'd gone by many names––Carmilla, then Marcilla, and now I believe she goes by the name Maggie. She has her own coven based in Ireland."

"Maggie…" I repeated, dumbfounded.

"I hope that satisfies your question," he said in the most attractive smirk I'd ever seen.

Before I left, I reached inside my bag and handed him the coat he'd lent me, which I had washed and neatly folded. When I did, his expression turned momentarily wistful.

"I insist that you keep it," he said, gently pushing the coat back to me. "It suits you."

Carlisle

I knew someone was already in the house before I pulled in and saw the black Lamborghini parked in front of the lawn. I'd expected Alice had seen our interaction––or worse, saw Bella make her decision before the day was even over yet.

"What happened to the Porsche?" I called out as I draped my coat on the hanger next to the door.

She leapt gracefully from to the receiving room from the kitchen, and I found Jasper following closely behind her. "It's Jasper's," she explained, pulling the said vampire in a side embrace.

"It's a great way to get noticed," I said matter-of-factly, smiling. "A couple of college students with a Porsche and a Lamborghini."

"It intimidates them enough to leave us alone," Jasper replied with a smirk.

I conceded with a sigh and walked straight to the living room, where I chose to recline on the La-Z-Boy. Alice and Jasper sat on the lounge next to me, both looking at me expectantly.

"I'm sure you've already seen everything I know," I finally opened.

"If you mean your conversation earlier today, then correct," Alice responded, smoothing her black skirt in front of her.

"Then may I ask why you're here? Not that I'm indifferent to your company, of course; you're always welcome in this house."

"Just because I can see the future doesn't mean I can read your mind, Carlisle," Alice said exasperatedly. "Ever since I've shared my vision with you, you've been surprisingly closed off with your emotions on the matter. I'm not entirely sure you understand the implications––"

"Forgive me, but I understand completely," I said, maintaining my composure. "You saw a vision of Bella turning into a vampire, again. I, of all people, understand the implications. This is why I gave her the option to have me––us––detached from her life once more. As I've told you before, her right to choose is of utmost importance to me."

"But you never acknowledged the elephant in the room," Alice said, frowning.

"Why was the option even on the table?" Jasper continued for her, tilting his head. "And why did Alice only see it when you came back into her life?"

I fell silent. It was, of course, the only logical explanation. Subconsciously or not, it was obvious that I had decided to change Isabella Swan.

It was a thought that had haunted me for days, ever since Alice had shared the vision to me.

"You're worried," Jasper said.

"Of course," I replied, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose. "If the implication is that my presence, in whatever way, is the cause of her turning, then of course I'm worried."

"No," Jasper said firmly. Confused, I opened my eyes and saw his expression was of utmost curiosity. "No, I don't believe that's what you're worried about."

I pursed my lips. Of course, Jasper would see right through my emotions. I was beginning to suspect that was why Alice chose to bring him with her.

I'm worried she'll decide it be best for me to stay away.

"Carlisle," Alice pleaded. "I miss her, too. The day we left, I also lost my best friend. I love and miss her terribly and honestly, that vision gave me more hope than worry. Because it meant there's a possibility Bella joins our family, regardless of what happened with Edward.

"But we need you to be honest with your feelings. If not to us, then to yourself."

"I…I don't know what they are," I managed to say truthfully. "It's too early to tell."

"Not early enough to not unconsciously want her to join our family," Jasper countered, shooting a half-smile.

I chuckled nervously. While Jasper made it sound like a joke, it was a logical inference that terrified me. I knew Alice's visions weren't foolproof, but nonetheless…it was a plausible future she saw.

In that moment, all I knew was that I was drawn to Bella Swan. I felt that if I were to continuously remain in close proximity to her, I would drown completely and helplessly. It was a feeling I'd never experienced before and could therefore not fully understand. Its accelerated pace didn't help at all.

But there were several factors to take note of. What if this was a mistake? What happens if she chooses to stay away––or worse, choose to sacrifice her flourishing, human life to join me? Would I be able to bear that? Not to mention her history with my son. What would happen if Edward were to find out? Or if Esme returned to us?

The writing's on the wall, I couldn't help but think. This wouldn't end well.

"If I may make a suggestion," Alice said, bringing me back to reality. "Perhaps you can use this time as well, Carlisle, to sort yourself out. Figure out how you feel. Maybe a momentary distance would clear your head and help you make the correct decision. For Bella."

I thought about that for a moment. As soon as I verbalized my agreement, I already missed her.