Hey everyone, I am not dead...really... dispite what may come from my spontaneously long amounts of time between updates... -eyes reviewers holding pitch forks and other such objects-... eheehe...

Let's see... OH! funny quotes - NOT mine - there are no words to describe the humor I found from this quote... i STILL have a hard time catching my breath when I re-read it... It's a BBM fic from Madlori:

Ennis crossed his arms and leaned against the doorjamb, one eyebrow arched. “What the hell you think you’re doin’?”

“Ain’t you gonna invite me in?”

“No, I ain’t, I don’t invite crazy people into my house.”

“But I’m just…”

“I know what you’re doin’. You been thinkin’ about all that stuff I said about not ever gettin’ t’date you, and how I was jealous ‘o Lizzie and Peter, so you got it into your damn fool head t’show up on my doorstep like some lovesick kid on his first real date, bringin’ me flowers like I’m some dame who’s gonna swoon into your waitin’ arms.” Jack’s face fell a little at being called out on his plan. “Ain’t that it?”

Jack sighed. “Yeah. But you gotta go ‘n spoil it like that?”

Ennis shook his head, chuckling. “Rodeo, jus’ ‘cause I get a mite nostalgic for my courtin’ days don’t mean I want ‘em back again, ‘specially not if I’m the girl in this scenario.”

“Hey! I’m the one folks usually joke about bein’ the woman! It’s about damned time you took your turn!” he exclaimed, shaking the flowers at him. “I’m tryin’ t’make a romantic gesture here, asshole! Ain’t you even the slightest bit charmed?”

Ennis sighed. “You are twenty pounds of bullshit in a ten-pound bag, Twist, but yeah, I’m charmed. Hang on a second, lemme get my coat.” He started to shut the door. Jack put out a hand.

“You seriously ain’t gonna ask me in?”

“Hell, no. My daddy’d hide me if I invited a strange boy inside on the first date.” He shut the door.

Marianne, who’d been watching from the kitchen doorway, was struggling to contain her laughter. “Come on, Ennis. Are you going to let him stand out there in the freezing cold?”

“It ain’t that cold on the porch. He’s got a good coat on. Besides, if he’s that cold, he can damn well drop the act and just come in his own damned self.”

“I think it’s an adorable gesture.” She eyed him. “And so do you. You just enjoy making him squirm.”

Ennis colored. “I don’t know where you get your ideas, woman.”

“Keen observation.”

Ennis put on his coat and scarf, pausing to surreptitiously check his reflection, which did not escape Marianne’s notice. “Not a word,” he said, pointing a finger at her. She shrugged, saying nothing, as he went back to the front door.

Jack looked a little colder and a good deal more annoyed when Ennis joined him on the porch. “Here’s your flowers, asshole,” he said, thrusting the bunch into Ennis’s chest...

...Jack started to go around to the driver’s side. Ennis stopped, throwing his arms wide. “Hey!”

“What?”

“Ain’tcha even gonna open the door for me?”

Jack rolled his eyes, but dutifully walked back around and opened the truck door. “Want me t’take your hand so’s you don’t get your skirts all muddy, princess?”

“Some gentleman you are.”

Jack clambered into the truck. “So, any chance you’re gonna put out on the first date?”

Ennis sniffed, crossing his arms. “Depends.”

“On what?”

“How much you spend on dinner.”

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This one is written by Lady Foxfire for "The General Said I Would Have Days Like This"

"A sedative?" Remus replied as both Sirius and him took a step away from Harry. "You gave him a sedative?"

"Oh shit," Sirius said quietly his hand covering his mouth, his eyes became distant.

"Yes. Why is there a problem?" Fraiser asked as she looked back and forth between the two men as they moved away from Harry and Jack.

Sirius' hand dropped to his side, his eyes grew wide and panic started to settle into them. "Is there a problem?" he said his voice breaking slightly.

"Red. It was everywhere," Moony mumbled to himself his eyes widening as if remember some past horror. "The walls, the ceiling… all red. Everywhere you look was bathed in it. It hung in the air. You could taste it on every breath."

Closed his eyes, Sirius took a deep breath to calm himself. "If you don't mind chaos, mayhem and destruction then…. no it's not a problem."

"And then everything went purple," Moony mumbled as his eyes twinkled with mischief. "He ran out of red paint."

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More Funny Quotes (still not mine) written by: Nonjon for the fic: "Browncoat, Green Eyes:"

Simon had his bag with him and hurried up to the Captain. “Oh wow,” Simon said looking up at Mal’s hurt forearm. “If we act fast, I may not even have to amputate.”

“A doctor and a comedian,” Mal grinned humorlessly. “That’s fantastic.”

Simon had a dead serious look in his eyes and commented, “I hope you shot the thorn that did this.”

“Hey now,” Mal defended. “It was a rabid attack dog.”

“Clearly,” Simon nodded. “This certainly isn’t the work of just a poodle.”

Zoe was just snickering as she walked back towards her bunk.

Simon heard Zoe’s snickers and asked, “It was a poodle, wasn’t it?”

“It was big and vicious!” Mal insisted.

"Oh yes, it's all fun and games...until someone gets mauled by the poodle." Inara commented.

-hides-

trowa! help!