Sunny lied on the air mattress with his blankets pulled up to his chin as he stared up at the ceiling. His body was sore from earlier, they had played basketball for almost an hour. To nobody's surprise Sunny and Aubrey lost almost every single time, and Sunny suspected that the times they had won were just Kel going easy on them. They had swapped team members every now and then, the most successful team by far being Aubrey and Kel. That wasn't a shock at all though.

After they had played basketball they decided to say their goodbyes until tomorrow. They all figured it would be best to let Sunny and Basil get back before it got too late, especially since it was his first full day and Sunny likely needed to adjust. He didn't complain, though he felt sad leaving his friends.

Still, he was restless. His body twitched in that same way it always did late at night when he just couldn't keep his eyes shut. Something was wrong.

The feeling had gone away the night before, when he first arrived. It was naive to think that would last.

He just couldn't shake the feeling that he was forgetting something. Something important. It wasn't always like this. For a while after he'd moved he had felt just… a normal terrible. Terrible in the way of finally admitting the truth. Terrible in the way of having a name for his guilt.

But after that came a new feeling. It felt like he was being called, or pulled in rather. But to what? His head started to hurt. He just couldn't remember.

Maybe it was nothing. What was there to remember, after all? He knew the terrible thing he did. Sure, he didn't remember exactly everything that had gone on in those four years, but maybe that's just because nothing happened. Or maybe he was better off not remembering.

He didn't know what was scarier, that there was something big he was forgetting, or that he was just rotting away for four years.

He sighed. It was impossible not to dwell on it. His hands curled into a fist, he hated this feeling.

He heard a yawn.

"Sunny? Are you still awake?"

He saw Basil's form slowly rise and look down at him in the dark. Maybe he'd sighed a little too loud.

"Um… yeah."

"It's late, Sunny. Are you okay?"

They both looked at the digital clock on Basil's nightstand. One AM. Not out of the usual for Sunny, but Basil had fallen asleep almost two hours ago. Oh god, it's been two hours?

"I... don't know."

There was a rustling, and before he knew it Basil was sitting down on the air mattress. Sunny slowly sat up as well.

"What's going on?" Basil stared into his eyes, the room barely illuminated by the bright blue numbers on the clock.

"I don't feel right. I haven't." Sunny wrung his hands, "I'm having a hard time remembering things."

Basil was quiet for a moment, "Like… Mari?"

Sunny winced, "No, not like that. I don't think. I don't know what happened in those four years in my house."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't remember anything. Even when I came out and saw everybody," he sighed, "it's all foggy."

He paused.

"I don't know if I even knew Mari was dead."

He bit his lip and looked down. Looking back, he remembered waiting for Mari to come home. But that didn't make sense. He couldn't have just been waiting for years, could he? How could he have not known? How could he forget what he did? He wanted to forget again. It felt so easy to slip away. Is this what he couldn't remember?

Basil grabbed his hand.

Reality.

He looked up to meet his friend's gaze.

"Sunny. I understand," he offered a small smile, "I was really confused about things back then, and it only got worse. Like... I really thought I was saving you from Something."

Saving him from Something. He remembered it really felt like there had been Something there. He had been fighting for his life.

"I'm just, I'm glad we had our friends over," Basil shook his head, "I'm sorry, that's not helping at all, is it?. What I mean is, I wasn't thinking clearly and I hadn't been locked away like you had. I can't imagine your headspace."

Basil gripped his hand tighter.

"Whatever it is you're forgetting, I'll help you remember, I promise. But you need to get some sleep, Sunny. It's late, and you looked exhausted all day."

Sunny nodded and slowly laid back down.

"Thank you."

"No problem. I'll stay here until you're asleep, okay?

Sunny nodded and slowly closed his eyes. He did feel better with Basil there. He slowed his breathing and tried to focus only on what he felt around him. How the mattress dipped around where Basil sat. How gently he held his hand. How whenever he opened his eyes he could see Basil watching over him. His mind cleared for the first time in hours, and he finally felt calm enough to fall asleep.

And he did.

Sunny sat at the table, pushing against it causing his chair to lean off the ground. He'd already showered and was just waiting on Basil to get out as well. They'd woken up later than the day before, probably because Kel didn't feel the need to bang on the door.

Basil had been passed out on the floor besides him when he woke up. It made Sunny feel better that he really had been there to watch over him all night. It also felt kind of nice that he slept so close to him.

He could think about that later. His phone buzzed and he lifted it off the table to check it.

(10:37) Hey! Come by my house, dude! Got a surprise!

Kel.

(10:38) be right over.

As if on cue, Basil came walking into the living room at that moment.

"Basil, Kel said to come over, he's got a surprise."

"I was just gonna suggest that anyway!"

The two left the house, and made their way towards Kel's house almost immediately, both of them skipping breakfast. They walked down the sidewalk side by side.

"So, what's it like being back, Sunny?" Basil asked, obviously trying to break an awkward silence.

Sunny thought for a moment, "It's… weird. But not bad. I like being with you again. Even though I was here last summer, it feels like I haven't been in five years."

Basil nodded, "Same here, nothing has really been the same since you left. This is the first time thing's have felt normal. I'm sure Kel and Aubrey feel the same too, they seemed happier"

"Really?"

Basil smiled, "Really."

Before they knew it, they were knocking on Kel's door. The door swung open, revealing a nervous Kel.

"Okay, you've gotta promise to not freak out, okay?

That didn't sound good.

Basil took over and promised for both of them, and the two entered the house.

"Uh, hi," Hero lifted one hand in an awkward greeting, "It's been a bit."

Of course, what else did he expect? It might have been nice of Kel to tell him exactly what the surprise was so he could prepare, but who was he kidding. He knew it'd be Hero.

Sunny steeled himself and nodded, "It has. It's good to see you."

Hero was obviously uncomfortable, but maybe that was a good thing. If they were all uncomfortable, maybe it'd be like none of them were. Is that how it worked? Hero smiled at the two.

"I, uh, heard you all had a pretty fun day yesterday."

"Dude! Stop being so weird!" Kel sighed, "He wants to hang out with us all today and he feels like he missed out since he wasn't here the first day you were. "

Sunny's mind raced, was that true? Did Hero really want to hang out with them? Even if he and Basil were included? He bit his lip, he was stressed.

Hero looked at Sunny and grimaced, almost seeming apologetic for what he was about to do, "I hate to ask, but Sunny, do you think you and I could talk? Just us? Before we all go out as a group of friends?

Sunny looked at Basil, who looked back, just as anxious. He was on his own this time. He composed himself and nodded. Of course, he felt the same. Something would feel wrong if he and Hero didn't talk about what had happened at all, and they all went out together as if nothing had ever happened. Aubrey could wait a little longer before they went to get her.

"Okay."

The two left Basil and Kel behind and headed towards Hero's old room. It looked like it had last year, not much had changed. Sunny sat on the floor, Hero sat across from him.

"So... this is weird," Hero said.

Sunny nodded. It was.

"I was angry at first. I just want to be honest," Hero looked at Sunny, "I'm not now. But… I was then. I miss her. I still miss her every single day."

He paused, resting his head in his hands for a moment. Sunny only watched in silence. His chest felt cold. He hated talking about Mari like this. Most day's he couldn't bear to let himself think her name. Especially lately. His hands were shaking, but he had to do this. He forced his palms downward into his thigh trying to minimize the movement. He didn't want Hero to notice and stop talking. This was important, for both of them.

At least this conversation was affecting both of them. It was obviously a fresh wound for Hero as well. No matter how many years passed, would either of them truly recover? They were the closest ones to Mari, everyone else got hurt, but no one else held the connection that Hero and Sunny had with Mari.

"But that was selfish." Hero finally continued, "The day after you left, I realized something. I realized you missed her too. And…"

Hero's voice cracked and he stopped talking, he looked up to meet Sunny's eyes. Sunny saw tears forming in Hero's eyes.
"I know how it feels to blame yourself for her death. I did for years. I was so angry that I had mistakenly blamed myself," his voice was wavering, "But I didn't think that you must've felt so much worse than I ever did. And still, maybe some things were my fault."

Sunny furrowed his brow and slightly tipped his head, "What… did you do?"

His voice was barely a whisper. It had to be, he didn't know what kind of emotion his voice would portray if he allowed himself to be properly heard. He knew he was vulnerable to break, and he couldn't expend any more energy than necessary.

"Anyone could see Mari was pushing you too hard. I know she didn't mean to do it, but… if anyone was in a position to bring it to her attention it was me," he sighed, "I should have done something."

Sunny shook his head. His breath was shaky now, "I did it. Not you."

There was silence for a moment. Hero gave a small smile, "You didn't mean to, Sunny. We all made mistakes. It might not have gotten this far if I'd been there like I was supposed to."

Hero moved closer to Sunny and put his hand on his shoulder. Sunny's hands curled into tight fists as he fought back tears.

"You loved her, Sunny. Things may not completely go back to normal for a little while, and that's okay. As long as we're all working on it. I know you would never hurt her. That's what I wanted to say today. I know you didn't mean any harm. You loved her."

And I killed her.

But some things are better left unsaid.

The two had talked a little more about various things, how they'd been, college, just basic catching up. After the conversation about Mari they rarely brought her up again. Hero said he loved the picnic idea, and he and Kel sent Basil and Sunny back to the house to prepare the picnic. They told them to meet the gang at the old hangout spot when they were ready, they would both get Aubrey.

Polly had gone out the day before to get groceries so there was no shortage of food.

Basil offered to bake cookies, which relieved Sunny. Cookies had always been a staple of their old picnics, but Sunny didn't even know where to begin with baking.

He was able to stick with what he knew, which was making sandwiches and assorting various other snacks. He remembered how Mari used to make the sandwiches, they'd be in a triangle with no crust. It was his favorite way to have them, and Mari made it like that for everybody so he wouldn't be self conscious. He blinked rapidly, trying to preemptively stop the formation of tears. He couldn't focus on that right now.

He delicately cut around the edges of the sandwiches, which proved to be difficult with a butter knife. He didn't like to hold real knives. It brought back memories of worse times.

He finally stepped back to admire his handiwork, a dozen triangles, so... six total sandwiches.

One too many.

He shook his head, and gently placed them into the basket. Extra is good.

Basil had suggested they pack both watermelon and Orange Joe, so Aubrey and Kel would have something they both really like. Neither of them were really sure about what Hero would want, so they just threw in various assorted fruits and snacks.

Sunny moved the picnic basket from the kitchen counter to the table.

"Sunny! Look, the cookies are out!"

He immediately went over, they actually smelled and looked amazing. Dare he say, better than his moms?

"Basil… these look great."

Basil grinned, "I told you I could do it! I'm no Hero, but I can cook some things!"

"Can I try one?"

"Not yet, Sunny! They're way too hot! Let's give them a minute."

The two sat down at the table together to wait.

"This will be fun, right?" Sunny asked.

Basil nodded, "It will! Everyone's super excited."

Sunny smiled, "Okay. I hope so."

"Your picnic basket looks great! You organized it perfectly, and you even left a spot for all the cookies. You've got a real talent for this kind of thing."

Sunny felt his cheeks warm up, but he tried to ignore it. It was embarrassing! It wasn't that hard… he just put everything where it looked like they should go.

"Thank you…" he eventually murmured.

"I mean it! It's great! As good as…" Basil stopped himself.

Sunny shook his head, "Not that good."

Basil pursed his lips and stared at Sunny, eyes apologetic.

"It's okay," he looked down at his lap and sighed, "I made one too many sandwiches."

Damn it. He could feel himself breaking again. He'd managed to barely keep himself composed with Hero but it was all becoming too much. Hero, his mistake, the picnic, how could he do this without her? He felt tears sliding down his cheeks. It wasn't fair.

This was so embarrassing, falling apart in front of Basil again. It was pathetic. How many times could Basil comfort him until he just got sick of it? He'd have to get over this, maybe he could still recover without Basil noticing?

Arms wrapped around from behind him.

He hadn't even noticed him move.

"It's okay, Sunny." Basil murmured, "I miss her too."

So much for getting over it. Basil slowly pulled him out of his chair and embraced him properly. His head fell into place against the other boy's shoulder as he cried. He squeezed his eyes shut and held him as tight as he could, never wanting to let go. This was the only place he ever felt safe. He was on guard constantly, always being haunted and chased by his own mind.

But against Basil's shoulder he was safe. In Basil's arms he was safe. With Basil he was safe.

Basil whispered words of comfort as he sobbed, and hugged back just as tight as Sunny did. Basil's voice was soft and composed. How did he always manage to stay calm? Sunny could feel himself start to panic whenever Basil was stressed. He felt that he never knew what to do. Basil always knew exactly what to do.

Basil excused himself for a moment, and came back with two cookies, gesturing for Sunny to sit down on the floor beside him.

Basil smiled and handed Sunny one of them.

"Is it okay?" Basil asked.

"It's really good," Sunny smiled, the last of his tears dripping down his chin. His breathing started to slow down again, "Thank you."

Basil nodded and squeezed Sunny's hand before pulling away again, "We should get the rest into the picnic basket."

Basil guided Sunny back to his feet, and then went to bring the pan of cookies to the table with the basket. The two stood in silence, packing all the cookies into a plastic bag together, and then setting it down into the basket. They both admired their handiwork for a moment. It certainly seemed to have the potential to be a good picnic.

He knew that there must be heavy expectations from everyone. He knew he wouldn't be able to meet them, or bring back the feelings they used to have, but maybe it could be something close. This picnic was a way of apology for Sunny. A way to offer something they could no longer have. Maybe it was more of an apology to himself. Or to her.

Would she be proud of him? She always told him he'd be able to throw a great picnic one day, and she'd always let him help. He organized it almost all by himself this time, though he couldn't bake cookies. Maybe Basil could teach him. That would make her proud.

"Are you okay, Sunny?"

"I think so."

Sunny smiled at Basil, his eyes still red from crying. It was going to be okay, he had to trust his friend. He had to be okay, he couldn't let everyone else see how upset he had been.

"Okay, I'll seal this up, you go get the picnic basket from my room, okay, Sunny? After that we can go meet the gang."

"Guys! They're here!"

Kel jumped up waving, and ran over, "I thought you'd never make it!"

"It's only been an hour and a half, Kel!" Basil said, "How long have you all been here?"

"Like… thirty minutes."

"So not that long?"

"Well!"

While Kel bothered Basil, Sunny gave a small "Hi" to Aubrey and Hero and laid the picnic blanket out beside them. Basil set down the picnic basket in the corner, where they'd always put it.

"Sunny put together almost the whole thing! I just made some cookies for it," Basil smiled, pointing at Sunny.

"Seriously? I'm excited," Aubrey said, and Hero nodded in agreement.

Sunny looked down, "It's okay."

This was the first time everyone had been gathered together again for the first time since the hospital. It felt awkward, but not because of anyone else. Sunny just felt uncomfortable around everyone, like he didn't deserve to be there. Basil handed him one of the sandwiches and he smiled thankfully, taking small bites as he watched his friends talk amongst each other.

It was a good thing to get everyone back together, Sunny's personal feelings aside. The friend group hadn't exactly been repaired in the time he left, the only improvement had been between Aubrey and Kel. With Hero being gone at college, Basil's emotional distance, and Sunny's physical distance they hadn't gotten a chance to catch up properly.

Hero especially seemed to be getting a lot out of it, a smile playing on his face as he talked with his old friends again. For a moment, it seemed like there'd be hope for them after all.

"So, Sunny, you're going to the college out here?" Hearing Hero say his name snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Oh, yeah. The Faraway Community College, with Basil and… Aubrey?"

She nodded in affirmation.

"That's good, Sunny! I'm glad you're putting yourself out there like that," he smiled, "I know how hard that can be."

Kel expressed his frustration with being the only one leaving, only for Hero to chide him, "How do you think I felt!". Kel sighed, digging through the picnic basket for more to eat.

It made Sunny sad to think he could've had that kind of brotherly relationship with Hero, if things had been a little different.

At least everyone seemed to be enjoying the picnic, they'd mostly gotten everything right. Apparently Aubrey still liked watermelon, and Kel still liked Orange Joe. Hero seemed happy enough with whatever random fruits they'd put in. Of course he was all about being healthy. He wanted to be a doctor! That reminded Sunny…

"Oh, Hero. Are you still studying to be a doctor?"

"Oh, I am. Why? Are you interested?"

"No, I was just wondering. Honestly… it makes me sad you don't want to be a chef anymore."

Maybe he shouldn't have said that, but it was true. That might have been one of the biggest shocks Sunny had when he left his house, finding the Hero had given up his dream. He couldn't help but feel the guilt of being responsible. He knew it was because he didn't have her anymore.

Hero shook his head and smiled sadly, "Honestly? It made me sad too for a while. But… I've found something I actually really want to do as a doctor."

"Really?"

Everyone turned to look at him expectantly, it seemed everyone was worried about his career choice. Maybe as long as he was happy with what he was doing, it was okay? Even though the thought of him not being a chef like he dreamed broke Sunny's heart.

"Psychiatry. I want to be able to help people in situations like us, you especially, Sunny," he smiled, "You shouldn't have to go through this kind of pain… no one should. I want to be able to make that better. For you, and any other kid in a similar position. Maybe if I'd known more, none of this would have happened."

Like a therapist? Hero would be good at that. He was a comforting person to be around. It really felt like you could open up to him at any time, just the way he presents himself.

Sunny sighed, as long as Hero was doing something he was passionate about, he could rest easy. It got Sunny thinking about what he wanted to do in the future, he was mostly aimless right now. He liked art, that was about it. He'd really like to be able to help people like Hero.

"Sunny, you should take some psychology classes when you're at college! I think you would like it, you seem like a curious person when it comes to that kind of thing," Hero said, "That's what I thought during mine, anyway."

"I was going to take one! Maybe we can have the same class, Sunny! Do you want to?" Basil grinned, how could Sunny say no?

He nodded, "Okay. I'd like that."

Aubrey sighed and leaned back, one arm propping her up above the grass, "Now you guys got me wanting to join in. If you end up doing it, tell me the teacher's name, I'll check it out!"

"Professor's name," Hero sighed.

Kel looked dejected, "Man, now I feel like you guys are just rubbing it in my face! You're all doing the same class? This sucks!"

Aubrey rolled her eyes, "If you care so much take a psychology class of your own, I'm sure it's all the same stuff!"

"It is," Hero chimed in.

Kel stood up, dramatically gesturing to them all, "After everything I've done, planning such a great surprise for you all today!"

Everyone looked up at Kel.

"Alright, I'm sorry," Aubrey sighed, "What'd you do for us?"

"Get ready for this! The new owners of Sunny's old house are gonna be out of town for the next few days! They agreed to let us visit while they're gone, check it out, they gave me the keys! They said if anything is broken or missing they'll sue me to 'hell and back',"

"Wait, so that means…" Basil started.

"That's right! We're going over there after the picnic!"

Sunny felt frozen, back to the old house? He didn't feel ready to go back there yet, it'd been a year, and honestly, he'd been trying to forget about his time there as much as possible. Kel was so excited though, and everyone else seemed to be okay with the idea too. Maybe it would be fine, so long as he had his friends with him. It wouldn't be that bad.

He was there for almost his entire life, what could go wrong visiting again?