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Crime In The Nations
Katara's Journal
Entry 9: An Apology Tour
Author's Note: A new chapter! I'm getting the hang of this consistent writing. I feel proud of myself, I don't know why. It's probably because usually when I get passionate about a project, I quickly get dispassionate. I forget to follow up on my schedule and I eventually begin to fade away. But that hasn't happened yet, thankfully! All in the meanwhile, enjoy :)
-kataangforeverrr13
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender nor any of its characters, events, occurrences, or ideas. Please don't sue me.
Thursday, January 30
I'm not a monster nor do I wish to become one. Unlike Yon Rha, I care for my dignity and honor. I did the right thing. Zuko even said it himself, I'm strong… or am I?
I pondered over what had just happened as I unlocked the door of my apartment. I was met with curiously relieved eyes from my peers. I shyly smile and walk up to them. Specifically, I walk up to Aang.
"I'm sorry for not explaining myself over the phone. I was still trying to wrap my head around what was going on and… I'm sorry for yelling at all of you. Especially Aang and Sokka. I didn't mean to hurt any feelings but I've been overwhelmed and I took it all out on you guys. For that, I'm sorry. I hate my temperament and I hate myself for it." I apologized from the bottom of my heart. I bowed my head down in shame.
No one really responded, they just gave me looks of comfort and kindness. All except for Toph.
"Sugar queen, please just tell us you didn't do it." She whispered. Her voice sounded concerned and… scared, dare I say.
"No. I didn't kill him." Everyone let out audible sighs of relief. But before they could question further, I continued, "I was going to… I was really close. But I realized that it just wasn't me. I admit, I did something I told myself I would never do again but as I held daggers to that wretched man's body, voices started gathering in my head."
"You mean, hallucinations?" Suki raised a brow.
"No! Not that. What Aang told me earlier came into my mind. My mother teaching me stories of forgiveness and the look on Sokka's face. I don't want to be someone you guys are scared of or ashamed of. I don't want to be like… them." I explained, carefully choosing my words.
Aang's expression softened. He held my hand in his, "So does this mean you forgave him?"
I laughed aloud, "Ha! I didn't forgive him, Aang. I don't think I ever will. But I think I finally got closure and that I'm ready to move on… ready to forgive myself, my dad, my brother, my family, and maybe even the world. Maybe now, I can put my mother's memory to rest and find my own inner peace. It's what she and I deserve."
Sokka stood up from his seating position next to Suki. He walked up to me and frowned, "What you told me earlier today-"
"Sokka! That was stupid of me and it isn't true. I'm so sorry." I quickly apologized.
He put his hand in the air, "But it is true. I've neglected you for a long time. Especially when it came to our mother. The reason for this was because I barely remember her. I've never told anyone this, except for Toph just yesterday but… when I try to think of mom's face, I come up blank.
"All I can picture is your face because you've been my authority figure since as long as I can remember. You grew up so quick and took care of me and dad. I guess I just feel ashamed and heart wrenched. I don't even talk about it because it's not very manly of me. I've tried to forget her death but in attempting to do that, I've neglected so much… including you. So no, don't apologize. Thank you for opening my eyes, thank you for telling me the truth, thank you for being there all my life…"
Tears filled my eyes and his voice began to crack, "Thank you for everything, Kat. I'm sorry. So deeply sorry." I pulled him close to my shoulder.
"It's ok, Sokka. I was younger than you when we lost mom but don't focus on her appearance, focus on how she made you feel. I'm sure one day you'll recall her face again and I'm sure one day… very far into the future I hope… we will see her again." I comforted my brother. I've never seen him so vulnerable.
Everyone in the room watched as the heartfelt scene occurred. During usual circumstances, I would have felt pretty embarrassed. But today, I didn't care. I still had a shit-ton of apologies to make.
After Sokka and I calmed down, we forgave each other. It was time to apologize to Suki.
"Suki… I know nothing I said was directed towards you but I know I said some harsh things. I know my attitude was terrible and I know my words were hurtful even to your perspective. I'm sorry for not giving you the chance to talk to me about it. It was all buried deep down and I couldn't exactly scratch its surface without going insane. I'm sorry for that and anything else I caused to hurt you." I said as I held Suki's face. She kissed my fingers.
"It's okay. I was mostly just scared for you. That's not the reason you found me so depressed though. What you said to Sokka sort of just… tore him. Seeing him like that tore me too and the environment gave me anxiety, I guess you could say. Like I said, I was worried for you and for Sokka. But, I'll get better. It was just the shock of how everything went down. I forgive you, Katara." Suki sincerely explained. I smiled lovingly. She had always been a bigger person than me. I admire that.
Toph just sat there, waiting for my apology. "What I did to Suki was repeated towards you. I decided not to place my trust in you and it backfired in my face. I made you unnecessarily worry and-"
"I'm mad." She bluntly stated.
"Can I ask why exactly?"
She blew her loose hair strand away from her face, "I was worried sick when you disappeared. You didn't send one fucking text! You didn't ask for my help… instead you asked the help of some stranger you met just a few months ago. But I am your best friend! You could have told me! Anything! But nooo! You thought it would be better to get help from anyone and everyone except for me. Do you want to know how much that shit hurts? I'm a blind woman who was kicked out of her home at age 12 and your mistakes hurt me more!"
I grabbed her shoulders, "Hey! Hey! I'm sorry… I didn't ask you because I was ashamed of what you would think of me. You're an amazing friend and I would never do that under regular circumstances. But in this case, I needed someone who has done just as bad as me. For a badass like you, you're more honorable than me. I hope you understand-"
She groaned, "I do understand! And I want to be angry with you but I truly can't. It just feels like… you're gonna abandon me. Fuck! You're dating someone you love, you have made new friends and you have a good new job… it feels like I'll be stuck in your past. And I really don't want to go through that pain again."
"I promise you that you won't. I've known you for what, nine years now? That crap just doesn't go away. I promise to try to rely on you with these sorts of things as long as you promise to understand that I'm a dumbass who will most likely make mistakes like these, if not worse, all the time. I can't help it… I'm a born bastard." I chuckled.
She did too, "Yeah, you really are, sweetness. But so am I." I went in for a hug but instead was met with a rough punch in the arm. "That's payback… and a show of affection. It's a mix of both." I winced in pain while rubbing my arm. Yeah, I honestly did deserve that.
I drew a breath and dragged Aang to a separate room. I didn't even notice that we walked into Sokka's room until I smelled the week-old pizza sitting on his desk mixed with other junk food.
"Ew." I whined as I plugged my nose, trying to escape the nasty odors. "Wrong room. But I wanted to personally apologize to you and talk to you without a crowd… is that ok?"
He smiled, "Katara, it's perfectly fine. I've already forgiven you-"
"But I haven't forgiven myself for what I did to you! Just hear me out please?"
He nodded in conformation. "The things I said were really harsh. I made it seem like you couldn't give me advice and I made it seem like whatever you said didn't matter. But it really really did! I promise you that whatever you say to me, one way or another, always finds a place in my heart. I was just caught up in the moment, lashing out at those I care for most. I am so sorry for offending your wisdom and I am so sorry for letting my emotions get in the way. I will work on that, you have my word."
Aang leaned down and kissed my forehead tenderly, "Like I said, all is forgiven. I'm just glad that you're okay and that you chose to keep your humanity. Killing another living soul does more damage than good. That's why it was so inhumane in the Air Temples. I am relieved and so proud of you… and I know your mom would too."
Tears filled my eyes. "You really think so?"
He stared profoundly into my eyes, "I know so."
I blushed and kissed him on the lips, "This does beg the question though… what now?"
Aang scrunched his eyebrows as he thought about it, "Well, we do have many tasks ahead of us. Now you train me in water bending and we save the world. Hopefully this will prevent similar occurrences from happening again to others. Most importantly… you heal."
"Healing? How do you suggest I do that?"
"Maybe we should give your mother a funeral…"
"We already did one though." I added, still confused.
"You're right but that's now what I mean— you should gather a few close friends and have a memorial. It's the perfect way to give yourself closure and to speak to your mom, in a sense."
"I think I understand what you mean."
He smiled compassionately, "We can arrange one if you'd like."
My lip quivered, "I think I'd like that very much."
Aang and I spoke of our idea to the rest of the group. Everyone agreed that it's a good way to move on from such a tragedy. It's a step towards recovery which was something both Sokka and I had avoided for years.
A knock was heard through our chatter. I stood up and went to open it.
It was Mai and Zuko.
Zuko waved and Mai sent me a look of slight pride, admiration, and relief. It was a rare emotion but I smiled back, feeling appreciative towards this co-worker/friend of mine.
"Hello, um, there are a few things I need to talk to you all about." He awkwardly greeted me.
I nodded and made way for them to step inside. I locked the door shut and led them to the living room. Everyone waved, welcoming the couple who had just arrived.
"Hey sparky. Got some explaining to do?" Toph raised a brow, knowing full well that what he had said last night had not been pleasant whatsoever.
"Yeah… about that. I'm terribly sorry Aang for the shameful words I said. I didn't mean a word but I felt that Katara needed to make her own choices. She needed to face her destiny in order to move on. I also hope you realize that most of it was to get her to trust me enough to keep an eye on her. If anything would have gone wrong, I could have at least offered my help. I hope you forgive me." He explained.
I looked at Aang and then to Toph, "He's telling the truth huh?"
"Yes, he is." She reaffirmed.
Aang grinned, "It's okay buddy. No need to get your panties in a bunch. I truly appreciate what you did for Katara. I have you to thank for just being a good friend. She could have done it herself but knowing you have someone to rely on helps a lot."
Zuko nodded in agreement and bowed his head, stunned that Aang, the Avatar, was such a loving and forgiving person.
However, his short feeling of calmness came to an end as he realized that there was still something else.
Uh oh.
"While Katara and I were hiding, hovering over Yon Rha getting ready for our ambush, we overheard a conversation he was having with other fire nation nobles. They were speaking in our native language so Katara couldn't understand them… but I could."
My eyes bulged open considering how I almost forgot about that. Sokka contorted his face, "What were they saying?"
"They were talking about how they know that the Avatar is in the city. They know it's you Aang. Since they can't do anything to Republic city with you here, they said they are planning a siege somewhere else. That's as far as I heard."
"A siege? As in… an ambush? In another nation?" Sokka asked.
Toph snorted, "I'm pretty sure you just defined a siege, snoozles."
"T-they can't do that… I haven't even started to learn water bending yet!" Aang looked down at his hands, frantically.
I rested my hand on his shoulder, "Shh, don't worry. Water will most likely be easy for you so it should be mastered soon enough. Plus, you still have your airbending."
"Not only that but they were barely planning it out. Who knows when the actual mission will be ready to complete?" Suki tried comforting him.
"She's right. It could be months from now but I suggest you start training as soon as possible. What have you been doing these past few weeks anyways?" Mai stated
Sokka crossed his arms, clearly offended, "Well if you must know, we all have lives aside from training Aang. We have bills to pay and jobs to attend. I've still been sorting out the plan, anyhow."
"We can't start yet though… we have to have that memorial first. It's a priority." Toph pointed out.
"It's fine...we can always do it some other day—"
"No!" Everyone yelled, interrupting my sentence, except for Zuko and Mai whom had no idea what we were talking about.
"Katara, we went over this. You and Sokka are a priority. How do you expect to run into battle with your head preoccupied in grief? It's not strategic, logical, nor healthy." Suki insisted.
"Ok, ok! We can do it on Saturday. After that though, no delays or shit! Aang must begin his training." I exclaimed.
"Sounds easy enough! Plan a memorial, train and master 3 elements in less than a year, plan a battle strategy to take out the world's most powerful fire bender, and save the world." Aang sighed.
"Let's also try to avoid death, shall we? I fucking like living." Toph sarcastically grinned.
Sokka had unsuspectedly gone to the fridge to get a couple of beers. He handed one to all of us, "Hear hear! Hear, all ye good people, hear what this brilliant and eloquent speaker has to say! Let's try not to die in this upcoming combat!"
Everyone cheered and drank their beers in laughter, chit chat, and drunken statements. This was as good as it was going to get for a while.
And I wholeheartedly accept that.