Last chapter was deliberately jarring. Abuse is jarring.

CH 9 | Earthsight and Insight

Toph's very favorite secret was the depths of her bending skills. Though her new friends knew she was an earth bender, Toph had been very careful to downplay her abilities (though it pained her ego to do so) in order to use her seeing feet to their fullest extent without the gang's knowledge.

It was so much more than heartbeats. Of course, it was valuable to feel them and know when someone near her had become nervous, or calm, or angry. But there was also much more that one could learn by how and when a person shifted their weight from one foot to the other. The tensing of muscles in combination with a strained voice, or the increasing heartbeat in tandem with inclined voices could provide her with more insight than any worthless set of eyes.

For example, Toph was interested to find that the relationship between Sokka and "Suyin" was not entirely mutual. There was a partner there that seemed to be riding in the wind. Aang had always been a difficult read for her—not because he was particularly good at covering up his feelings, but because he so often let his feet leave the ground that her focus on his sound and body language was almost always punctuated with periods of blindness. She supposed that in his way it meant he was mostly happy. But there were times when he remembered that he was an Avatar in exile, marked by perfunctory drops in blood pressure, heaviness in his limbs as though all his air that earned him the nickname "Twinkle Toes" had suddenly vanished. It made Toph sad to think of how long Aang had carried this burden alone, thinking no one else knew the Avatar was still alive.

Katara carried grief high on her chest, though tonight it was clear that she was fully concerned with Aang. It made Toph chuckle to herself to feel how her weight was constantly shifted to the foot nearest to him, her heartbeat quickening whenever they brushed near each other. She wondered if this would help or hinder Aang's training once Toph eased them all into the news. Unfortunately, Toph did not have much time to ruminate on what her next steps would be for breaking the ice to Aang. At that moment a heated exchange erupted on the dance floor and though Aang was attempted to diffuse the angry woman, Toph could sense a churning static in the air around them. It almost felt as though lightning might rain down right on top of he and Katara. They leapt into action, forming a wedge between the startled Katara and Aang (who, Toph noted, was clearly dealing with no small amount of shame, embarrassment, and fear) who departed as quickly as he could separate the woman from Katara's face.

"That" Sokka had proclaimed to the gang while they watched the clawed woman handle Aang roughly like he'd committed a crime, "is Azula." Sokka swallowed hard. After knowing Aang for two years and watching him explain away burns and bruises, attempt to meditate away his emotional hurts, enough was enough. "Katara, I know you just got here. And Toph, you haven't been here much longer…but I need help with Aang."

Aang didn't bother returning to the carnival. There was simply no way to explain Azula, what had just happened without putting a damper on everyone else's fun. It would be easier to just get home before they did. He would apologize to Katara in the morning—hopefully she liked eggs. He was still thinking about the different recipes in his breakfast arsenal and what Katara might like most when he started up the shower and caught sight of himself in the mirror. What he saw jolted him for a moment—though his mood had already started to return to his preferred placid stasis, his face and his body told no such story.

He was pale and clammy, eyes rimmed in reds and purples. A bloom was already visible below his left cheekbone from the wallop she'd delivered with a hard open hand. He knew she had bit him at some point but hadn't realized the totality of the damage she'd caused—the skin at the base of his neck and top of his shoulder was crusted in blood and the bruise around where her teeth (literally) tore his skin was already black with deep purple lines running in every direction. His right wrist and palm sported a bracelet of angry blisters and an extensive rash. Most of the places her hands had been were slightly shiny with burns. Worse even than his wounds was the existential pain he was unable to hide in his face. It aged him and made him wonder what all the hiding was for—was he having any success achieving the inner peace he so desperately desired?

Since there were no other seats in the living area, the gang got themselves comfortable around the floor in uncomfortable silence. They could hear Aang brushing his teeth. Katara returned from the kitchen with a hot kettle and distributed tea all around, including one she set aside for Aang. Today had been just so much to process and it wasn't even over yet. Now she had chosen to push her feelings aside in hopes that she could help her newest friend.

When he exited the bathroom, he was wearing only a pair of grey sweatpants, his chest naked. It was the first time Katara had seen the full extent of his arm tattoos and how his forehead arrow extended all the way down the length of his back, disappearing under his waistband. He still had his face buried in a towel and only noticed the group waiting for him once he had draped it across his shoulders and looked up.

"Oh." He said, surprised. "Sorry, I didn't know you guys were home. I figured you would have stayed out the rest of the night…" he made a show of pulling out his phone to check the time. "Have a seat, buddy." Sokka said quietly. "—Listen, I am really, REALLY sorry about Azula. I did not invite her, but I also checked in, so she probably figured out I was there from IG. Lesson learned; I'm not going to post locations anymore." He said all this hurriedly while nervously rubbing the back of his neck. He wasn't exactly prepared to meet the shame of this moment and was hoping they'd let him go easily.

He couldn't even look at Katara. He knew what she must think of him at this moment—having spent the whole day flirting shamelessly with her only to have Azula trample in like his girlfriend. How could he tell her she isn't his girlfriend without it being weird? Do labels even matter after what you did? His inner conscience slammed him. He knew he'd blown it and honestly didn't deserve her in the first place. What had he been thinking? He hadn't, plain and simple.

"Aang…are you okay?" he looked up from his feet, which he'd been shuffling back and forth in shame. Where he expected there to be anger, hurt, distrust (all of which, he'd rightfully earned) he found only reassurance and concern in Katara's expression. It was enough to send his eyes swimming. "I-I'm Fine…" he stammered, sinking into the beanbag chair. "I'm just tired…I didn't want you guys to have to deal with the drama…" he careened off into a mumble. "Aang, you've been my roomie since I moved to Yu Dao. You're the kindest, most optimistic, and obnoxiously humble person I've ever met. Why are you with Azula?" Sokka asked.

"I-I'm NOT! She's not my—she's not even a friend…obviously. She's just a person who, who..." Aang was having difficulty explaining Azula. She was so integrally tied up in all his secrets, it was difficult to really unravel her without unravelling everything else. His bruises and burns came more into light as he gestured wider, grasping at words. Katara wanted to wrap him in her arms and comfort him, but she knew that whatever foundation they'd been laying in the hours prior was now an impossibility. Aang was going to need to start a very long path towards healing and he was the only person in the room who didn't seem to realize it yet.

Katara did however lean forward to place a reassuring hand over his, turning it over in her palm. In the brighter light of the living room, the blisters were sickly and mean, the laceration in his palm already slick with fluid. "Aang." Katara whispered. "This is abuse."

Aang pulled his hand back. Instead of comfort, he felt more shame rising. He could be asleep by now, not having to deal with these hurts, yet now his friends were starting to blow it out of proportion. "It's not LIKE that okay, I'm just not going to push her back or anything when she gets angry. She just doesn't always have the best self-control; it looks way worse than it actually is!" His face was now growing hot as he watched them all gaze upon him in pity. "Guys, please! I appreciate the concern. It's been a long day; I'm just going to get some rest."

"I still don't get it, Aang! What does she have on you?" Sokka asked in earnest.

Aang shook his head at him, unable to answer. Then, Toph gasped and sat up, hands clutching at her mouth.

"Azula knows about you, doesn't she?" Toph asked him. "Azula knows who you are."