t/w: Descriptions of cancer, death
CH 24 | Kya's Secret
1 YEAR AGO
Katara knew her mother would be awake soon. Her willowing form hadn't stirred for hours, but the monitors had increased in tempo—the pain medication was wearing off. The exhausted daughter stretched and glanced at the clock with dismay. It would be hours before Mom could get another dose.
Katara took no pleasure in bending the healing waters these days. Working down the endlessly metastasizing tendrils of her mother's cancer felt like fighting in the trenches—no matter how much progress she made in a session, it seemed like the moment she stopped, Kya's chi pathways would crumple into oblivion, attacked from nearly every angle. Keeping this body going felt like trying to keep wet paper from ripping in a rainstorm.
Still, she stood over the hospital bed and dutifully bent water from the open basin they kept in the room for such treatments. Hopefully she could target the firing nerves and at least buy Mom some comfort while waiting for the next meds round.
She started at the head as per usual—it was the source from which all the other clusters had originated, and the most painful for Kya as the malignant mass now occupied the size of a moon peach behind her hypothalamus. Katara winced when she felt it, a veritable root ball throbbing with blood and pushing against nerves that radiated down to every limb of Kya's body. The was nothing she could do to remove the cancer there—it was one thing to do healing beneath the skin where there were semi-permeable membranes but penetrating through bone was beyond even her skill.
Katara decided instead to move the water downward in search of inflammatory responses that she could target. They were everywhere. She silenced nerves pulsing in her mother's shoulders, around nodules festering in her lungs, organic alarm bells clustering along her perforating her kidney, gnawing between affected cartilage. Katara finally bent the water into the nearby sink, trembling and exhausted. After gathering some breath, she refocused on the monitors, noticing with some relief that the uppricked blood pressure had returned to stasis.
Exhausted though she was, Katara felt the need to pace out her anxiety. Grabbing her water bottle, she sipped gingerly as she moved about the room like a lion in a cage.
What now, what now. How do we solve the next problem? She'll be awake and need to eat but won't want to because of the pain…
Solving for problems that didn't yet exist, she fidgeted with her phone and gazed out the window onto an office park with no trees, a bleak landscape now hosting the rising full moon.
The heavy yellow orb brought her sudden clarity—no wonder she was restless despite not being able to remember the last time she laid in a real bed and achieved real sleep. Any time the moon cycle reached its climax, her ability to bend water became more of a need. Most benders, even masters such as herself, muscled through quite easily with a few nights of moonlit water play until the moon began to wane once more. Katara's bending compulsions required her active focus and resistance during these nights.
She breathed deeply and felt her pulse quicken with a sudden idea. She couldn't bend water to walk back the tumors deeply nested in her mother's brain, but under the command of the rising moon, she could bloodbend some of these vessels to limit its blood supply. She placed her trembling hands at her mother's temples.
Is this a compulsion? Or is this an actual good idea?
She fought with herself internally, torn between her desire to help her mother, and her vow to never again use bloodbending on a human being.
But what if there are good uses for it? What if it can help slow the spread?
She shook her head and backed away, feeling horrified that she considered for even a moment using it on her mother. She sat down in the chair and sank her face into her hands, allowing the hot tears of shame, exhaustion, and resignation to flow free.
"Oh, sweetie…you need to rest."
Katara jumped at Kya's soft rasping voice. "I'm sorry Mom, I thought you were still asleep…do you need water? How about we sit up…how are you feeling? Icouldgogetyousomethingtoeatifyou'refeelinguptoit…."
"Katara. Look at me, sweetie." Kya reached out for her daughter's hand. The rest of her body remained prostrate, as though the gesture was about as much as she could manage. She was fatally thin, her head bald and ashen. Katara looked into her mother's ocean eyes, the only sparkling life left in her. Even in the face of insurmountable pain, she gathered a smile for her baby girl.
"I'm so, so proud of you, little waterbender." The admission only served to intensify Katara's weeping as she leaned into her mother's hand, desperate for her comfort.
"Have I ever told you about when I knew I loved your father?"
"From the moment you saw him" Katara heaved.
"Oh spirits, no." Kya wheezed a chuckle and leaned back heavily. "Such a child of a man. Constantly trying to get my attention with jokes and tricks and goofy smiles when all I wanted to do was get my homework done. It was quite annoying." Katara gave a half smile, wiping her tears with the meat of her fist. It was the most her mother had spoken in weeks, at least coherently.
"We had a horrible, horrible fight. I showed him the worst of me: how I can be mean when I'm angry, how I struggle to accept an apology, how I can be manipulative. I saw the worst of him too: he can be stubborn in the worst sense, he can be inconsiderate of others' feelings, he can be selfish in a disagreement. For a time, we thought it might not work out after all."
"So, what happened?" Katara asked.
"He came back and said, 'Let's try again.' And any time after that, it was his answer that guided me, reminded me that if you try, sometimes you will fail. And I knew that we would fail each other a lot! But we also reminded each other that not trying meant nothing but failure. I knew then that I would always love your father. Because I knew I had a friend with me, failing alongside me—we could help each other up, dust each other off and try again."
Kya's eyes shut softly for a moment as she took some ragged breaths.
"Katara, will you promise me to never stop trying? Always fight for the people and the things that you love."
"I promise, mommy." She laid her head down on the bed and Kya stroked her hair gently. They laid there for a time; the silence punctuated only by the occasional teary hiccough from Katara.
"You were getting ready to bloodbend me." Kya murmured after they'd both calmed. Katara popped back up, mouth agape. "I'm sorry! I wasn't going to hurt you, I just thought it might help—" Kya waved her hand gently, her eyes pressing tightly. The pain had returned in full force.
"Kata—aghh. I want you to." Katara looked at her with widening eyes. "You w-wha?"
"I want you to bend it. But not there," Kya took Katara's hand and laid it on her temple and then, moving it to the side of her neck, she placed her daughter's fingers on her artery. "Here."
Kya's daughter stumbled back as though stricken. "Mom? No." Katara's heart hammered. Kya opened her eyes as wide as she could through the haze of pain. Her vision had begun to blur. "I can't go on, sweetie. This body is broken. I can spend…daysss" her speech slurred dangerously, "days in so much pain. Or I can go on my terms, with my beautiful daughter by mm-my side."
Katara shook her head no, her chin quivering and tears spilling down her cheeks and jaw. "I can't. I don't want you to leave. I can't do this without you, Mom. Please stay, please please mommy. Please stay!" she wept bitterly.
"c'mere." Kya gestured softly, and Katara crawled onto the bed next to her, burying herself into her embrace like she was a small child once more. "Love is a form of energy…and it swirls all around us. My body failed, but my love for you is never broken. And your love for me will never be broken—no matter how and when I die. Someday you'll meet someone who will fill your heart and make it so full you'll burst. You'll grow your family with all this swirling love, and you will heal. I just know it."
Kya guided Katara's hand back to her artery. "I love you. Do me this kindness, sweetie. Please."
Katara wept raggedly and pressed down into the deep vein, bending the blood into a rapidly congealing mass. "I love you, Mom."
When she released the clot, Kya went rigid for some moments. The machines alarmed in rapid succession before the ominous flatline. She felt her mother's final exhale, and she let out a guttural wail, clutching the broken body that once housed the kindest, gentlest soul she'd ever known.
When Sokka pulled his truck into the hospital parking lot, he inhaled sharply and felt hot tears flood forth. The rain had been so intense on his approach, the roads were flooding even though the temperature was below freezing, and it should be forming soft new snow. It hung stagnant, seeming to take up as much space as possible before bursting on the ground. There was no air, no breeze.
As he watched the slumped form of his sister on the entry stairs, he knew what had caused the rain.
A/N: I'm sorry. Everybody breathe. I'm gonna get the next chapter up ASAP so we can leave this behind. Go hug someone.