Author's note :
This chapter covers mature interactions that may not be suitable for readers of all age. Proceed with care and feel free to skip ahead as the contents are not relevant to understand the main storyline. Know that there is consent through it all, but it also refers to sexual struggles regarding performance pressure on oneself. I did my best to handle this with respect and care, but don't hesitate to let me know if something may be triggering.
A summary will be soon provided, with important elements.
I'll write the notes in the end of this chapter. But I still wanted to take a space for every person who's left me a comment ; I read all of them and they're dearly appreciated. Every word that you send my way encourages me to write my own and to keep up with this story. It's been almost three years since I started it, and realising that shows how crazy this adventure has been. And it's not over yet ~
Thank you for keeping up. As humble and slow this fanfiction is, it brings me a lot of joy and stirs my heart in every direction.
Thank you if you are reading this. It means the world.
And a special thank you to my dear, dear friends to whom I sent a few early snippets ; your reactions are priceless and it's always a joy to have your live commentary when you discover the new chapter. You'll know who you are and I love you
One last note ! Could you tell me if the rating still seems appropriate or should I change it to Explicit ? And if there are any hashtags that I should add ? Thank you !
Her hand was in his, and he didn't want to let go.
When she closed the door behind them, her eyes remained on the handle for seconds he wished he could have used to decipher her expression. The nail of his thumb gently grazed her skin and her fingers squeezed his softly. The sound of rain reached his audio processor and the sudden image of Hank walking Sumo in that weather crossed his mind.
He pushed it aside. He didn't want to think about his friend. The two of them would talk soon enough, and he knew he'd have to discuss his bond with Elnöra.
It would come. After.
Still. He was nervous. He was afraid, but he wasn't sure why. Maybe because this was new territory yet unexplored, and he was about to start a new journey on this strange land.
Her presence made the wait less suffocating, but… he had never felt less in control. And he wasn't used to that.
"I- I don't…" he hesitated, his voice rising and disappearing in the silence of the place. "Well, I do know what to do, but…"
Her hazel eyes found his. He could see them thanks to the faint light coming from the street. They were flickering yellow with his stuttering LED. She smiled.
His uneasiness moved her and made her question whether this actually was a good idea.
When she had started living with Connor, she had told herself that nothing would ever happen with him ; his role was to protect her, to ensure her safety, and even though they had rapidly grown close, she had always kept this in mind.
It had nothing to do with the fact that he was an android - she had trouble viewing him as such since he was so much more beyond that definition - but she was aware that the threat of her situation didn't allow for a new relationship to unfold. And even if it did, she wasn't sure how to define it.
The attraction between them was undeniable, but she feared that, at some unavoidable point, Connor would want to put words on the bond linking them. It was how he was used to dealing with emotions, how he managed to sort through information, but she wasn't ready to have this conversation.
She guided him to the bed where they sat next to each other. She could feel the tension rising between them and decided it was important to determine boundaries if they were to go further.
"I would like to define a few rules," she said softly.
It made him smile ; it was like looking in a mirror. He really appreciated discussing the settings of a new situation before diving into it. He nodded in agreement.
"First," she started, "let's not do anything we don't feel comfortable with. As soon as something feels off, even if it felt good before, we'll say so. Okay ?"
He nodded again, breathing more easily. Somehow, those statements helped him relax. He wondered if she was aware of how much, and felt grateful. He squeezed her hand.
"I agree.
- Good. Second…" she hesitated. He saw in her eyes that she was searching for the best way to phrase her thoughts. "I don't want to… put words on whatever is happening tonight. I mean, obviously, I want to communicate with you during…" she cleared her throat, colours invading her cheeks. "During this, but… I'm not ready to talk about my feelings or the status of… that."
His eyebrows lowered.
"What do you mean ?" he asked, hoping this question wouldn't unnerve her.
"I mean that… I know it's important for you to understand emotions and thoughts and… everything." She rolled her eyes with the last word in a teasing motion. "But I'm not sure of what's happening between us, and I feel it's too early to figure it out." Her other hand joined his, and she brushed her thumbs on his skin. "Is it okay ?"
He considered her request. He didn't think he was ready either to try his hand at discussing their bond ; while it might help him to assess the way he should behave with her, he felt that this was something that could be determined over time.
"It's okay," he confirmed, leaning closer. "I just want to discover this with you."
Her heart stuttered. It took her a great amount of self-control not to jump on him, so she could ask, "Is there anything else you'd like to add ?"
Her voice was sharper, laced with impatience. Her pupils were still wide with desire, even if he was barely touching her.
"Just tell me when I do something wrong. Or something right." He brushed a strand of hair away from her forehead. "I want to know how you feel."
He saw her heart pounding through the discrete vibration of her chest from under her sweater. This movement fascinated him.
"On one condition," she argued, her mouth hanging a mere distance from his. He blinked, waiting for her request. "I don't want you to look up for any tips to please me. I don't want you to search for information." Her hand rested on his thigh and she was thrilled to hear him gasp. "I want us to experience this together, our voices, and movements, and words for only feedback." Her fingers slid along his trousers and her thumb hooked the hollow of his hip. "Deal ?"
Electricity woke in the wake of her touch. Knots bloomed in his insides and in his throat, building pressure in unexpected places.
"Deal," he confirmed, locking lips with her.
He wanted to make sure that he could indeed kiss her whenever he wanted, as she had allowed him to, and he was pleasantly surprised when he felt her mouth press back against his. He really enjoyed this. He was satisfied to know that she did, too, and all the anxiety he had felt at the beginning of the day was now quelled under a layer of eagerness and curiosity. Connor was always happy to learn something new, but this, he had never experienced before. That closeness. Those overwhelming sensations that somehow weren't enough. He liked the sounds that she made, the plumpness of her skin and the sharp angles of her bones, her eyebrows, her jaws. He wanted to memorise her shape.
When he pulled her close with the hand on her neck, she hummed. She had done that before, and he took it as a sign of content. If only he'd known just how much.
She was already dizzy. It had been so long since she had been kissed like that : the perfect balance of heat and laziness that made her heart float and her head turn. Though how enjoyable it was, their sitting position quickly made it uncomfortable for her back, and she decided it was time to make a move.
Her hands gently pressed on his chest and she used the renewed space between them to shift her weight on her right foot. She threw her left knee in a rotating motion to make it land on the mattress on the other side of Connor's legs. Straddling him, she took a second to study his expression and was delighted – and a little worried – to see that he was blushing.
"Is this okay ?" she asked, trailing her fingertips on his cheeks, his neck, his collarbones. "I wanted to be closer."
The golden colour his orb had taken at her movement slowly turned back to its measured blue. His fingers found her back and dug in the fabric of her clothes, bringing her bust to his. He held her gaze and whispered softly, "I want you closer."
Her breath hitched in the throat that he peppered with kisses. She tilted her head to grant him an easier access and folded her fingers in his hair. His lips found the spot under her left ear and she bit down a moan that echoed between them.
Damn that spot .
It always made her shiver beyond reason and made her toes curl. She felt weak when kissed there and could barely stop her whole body from shaking.
He noticed her reaction and remained on this side of her neck to confirm his hypothesis. His teeth slid against her skin and the open-mouthed whimper she emitted greatly helped in that matter.
"Are you okay ?" he asked, nuzzling the crook of her neck with his nose.
"Yeah," she huffed. "I'm just sensitive there, that's all.
- So I've noticed," he grinned and got poked in the ribs in retribution, which made him lean away from her. "Is it too much ?
- No, but let's take it slow."
She kissed him again, and her hands started to move. He had kept his in the safety of her lower back, but the path her fingers were taking inspired him to follow her lead. As they got lost on his shoulders, he decided to explore hers. When they trailed on his belly, he proceeded to move the same direction.
The not so subtle choreography he was mimicking didn't go unnoticed by the girl. She sat back, freeing his lower lip.
"Connor ?" she asked, a twinkle of mirth dancing in her eyes.
"Yes, El' ?
- Are you copying what I'm doing ?"
Shit.
His eyes lowered as uneasiness at the thought of being caught seeped shame into his expression.
"… Maybe," he confessed.
She chuckled and hid her face in his shoulder, while clasping her arms around him for a hug.
"Are you laughing at me, El' ?"
The vexation in his tone made her jolt back up.
"No !" she exclaimed, her voice not yet aligned with her intention and oozing with humour. She cleared her throat. "No," she said again, frowning gravely, her voice lower in an evident attempt to conceal any remaining traces of laughter.
"I'm just not sure of what I should do," he tried to explain, yellow blinking at his temple. "I'm scared of doing something wrong or hurting you.
- Connor…
- What if I make a mistake ? I-
- Connor." She cupped his face, softly but firmly, and tilted it up to hers. "There is no way of perfecting this. Just like there is no way of knowing what you or I will like before we try it.
- But-
- Listen," she cut him short. "I don't need you to master anything. I'm not much of an expert myself, in this subject – or any subject, really. What I want is for you to embrace the fact that you're new at this and that it's okay.
- But you've done that before," he disputed. "What if I'm not good compared to your previous experiences ?
- I don't think talking about my previous experiences is going to help me get in the mood."
His eyes trailed away from hers again, and she sighed, tenderness growing in her gestures.
"Connor," she insisted, "it really is okay." Her thumb stroked his cheekbone. "Yes, I have done that before, but they weren't like you. The same way I don't expect you to be like them." She felt his fingers squeeze her back and saw the anxiety receding from his eyes. She kissed his LED, which made his eyelid wince. "I want to do this, because it's you." Her forehead rested against his. "But we don't have to if-
- I want to."
He kissed her, a long, still kiss that left her shuddering. His vulnerability wrapped her heart in warmth.
"And if you look at it," she said pensively playing with his hair, "I should be the one under pressure, here."
He quirked an eyebrow.
"What do you mean ?
- Well… It's the first time for you, so you have no experience to compare this to." She rounded her eyes and jokingly went on, "What if you hate it because of me ? What if you're disgusted or disappointed ?" She sighed and shook her head. "All this weight on my shoulders…"
He remained still, considering her words with seriousness, which made her realise that sarcasm had, once again, flown over his head.
"I don't think you could make me hate this, El'," he stated simply. "I don't think you could make me hate anything."
His smile and softness made her self-conscious and she hid her blush in the embrace she gave him. Why did he have to take almost everything so literally ?
"I have a question, though," she mumbled against his shoulder.
"Yes?" he asked, stroking her hair.
"Do you enjoy this?" her voice wondered shyly.
"Isn't it obvious?
- Well... Yeah, but..."
Her elongated silence spoke more clearly of her internal agitation than if she had loudly expressed it.
"What is it?" he pressed on, leaning back to look at her. "Tell me."
God, this is so stupid.
"It's just..." She definitely couldn't look him in the eyes while saying this. "You... don't seem to react a lot.
- Do you need me to be more vocal?
- It's not thaaat..." she trailed off uncomfortably, hesitant on how to explain her predicament. "I just don't... I don't know how you feel... down there." She whispered the last two words as if they were unmentionable secrets.
It took him a second. Then, it dawned on him.
"Are you talking about my genit-
- YES ! Yes!" She cut him off, straightening back up, embarrassment flushing her skin crimson. "I am talking about that, yes."
The hurried way she pronounced those words made him chuckle, and he saw her mouth drop. Now that he was considering her point of view, he understood why she was worried. Usually, those body parts were a convenient clue to assess one's level of arousal, and he could see how the fact that they remained unresponsive could cause stress and questions in the girl.
"I'm sorry, I just forgot to launch this protocol," he explained, now noticing the window blinking at the corner of his vision. "I've never had the use of it, until now."
The perplexed look she gave made him decide that it would be easier to illustrate his point through practice rather than words.
[Launch Intercourse Protocol? Y/N]
[Yes]
His eyes blinked rapidly, and, a bare moment later, she felt something bulge against her pelvis, as if suddenly awake and very much hard.
Bewildered, she lowered her eyes to the crotch of the android who simply concluded, "This should help you know how I feel."
Which was both adorable, but also utterly ridiculous and hilarious.
She burst out laughing.
Connor definitely had the ability to surprise her in the most interesting and unexpected way.
She tried to calm her loud chuckles, she did , but the expression he was wearing made it ten times more priceless. He was going back and forth between a stuck-up smile that reflected his lack of understanding as to why she was half-dying in his lap, and furrowed eyebrows that could demonstrate how astonished – and maybe a little annoyed – he was.
She hugged him, fleeing his immovable eyes, and proceeded to huff loudly against his shoulder as her breath slowly steadied.
"I have trouble grasping what's so funny about this situation, El'."
Her voice was strangled with another hysterical fit of laughter and she heard him sigh, his hands remaining in her back, nonetheless.
"I'm… I'm sorry," she gasped, wiping at her eyes. "It was just so funny, the way it went-" She accompanied the last word with a bold vertical jerk of her hand. " Dong ! " She snickered again, not unlike an inexperienced and uneasy teenager.
Connor had to admit that her laughter had a way to invade him and take a hold of his current mood ; it had been contagious before, yet sounded so out of place now. He was torn between joining her and reminding her of their previous occupation.
"El'," he said patiently.
"I'm sorry," she replied, exhaling slowly. "I'm gonna calm down. Just give me a minute."
He waited for the said amount of time and she indeed seemed to have regained control when she smiled at him.
"Phew. Okay. Sorry. I'm done.
- Are you sure ?
- I think so."
He responded with a relieved smile of his own and leaned in to kiss her.
It didn't take long for her to start chuckling against his mouth again.
Something switched in him.
He pulled back and, just as she was about to apologise, dove in her neck, on that sweet, delicate spot that rendered her shivering and gasping for air.
"I'm sorry, Con- Ah !"
Her giggle turned into a sudden cry and her fingers pressed against his shoulders. She arched against him and he ran one hand behind her head to keep exploring that zone, and his other arm wrapped around her waist to keep her close.
She was soon a trembling, moaning figure and it aroused him beyond measure. He delighted in every jolt of her chest, every call for air that she made. And her voice… He had heard her humming tunes, crying in the night, shouting with anguish, whispering with emotions, but those sounds, those echoing whimpers shook his core, made him ache and coil and taunt.
Were all humans like her ? Did they all writhe and stutter and hold onto their partner ?
Did it actually matter ?
He nipped her earlobe one last time, tearing a loud cry from her throat, then settled his forehead on the reddened skin, eventually noticing that he, too, was, somehow, out of breath.
They remained still, their shallow breathing heaving their lungs, making their body collide and part in a chaotic rhythm. After a while, she sniffed and slid a hand through her hair.
"I have a feeling you kinda got impatient with my laughing fit."
Sensing no rebuke in her tone, he allowed himself to relax and gave a small chuckle.
"I'm sorry," he said, sheepishly.
"Don't. It was pretty hot."
A snort escaped him and she pulled back, eyes wide and smirking.
"Oh, so you're the one laughing, now ?!
- I'm sorry !" he repeated. His thumb stroked her cheek. "Are you okay ?
- Yeah." She cupped his hand in hers. "You surprised me, that's all. In a good way," she quickly added, seeing his expression shift.
A few moments passed during which they simply looked at each other, enjoying those welcome breaks. It allowed them to process each new piece of information, each unexpected sensation about them and one another.
"What, now ?" she wondered out loud. She barely shifted her hips, tightening the pressure on his bulge, and she was satisfied to notice his face harden a little. Knowing she could spawn this kind of reaction in him was exciting. He always seemed on the verge of saying something, doing something, undecided on the way he should favour. She wanted to see every side of him.
"I want to see you," he uttered, echoing her thoughts. His hand brushed against her back. "I want to see all of you."
She was no android, but she was pretty sure she was experiencing a short circuit. How could he say those things, so simple yet so intimate, with such ease ? Was Connor truly not aware of their weight, or did he simply not question their nature because of how authentic they sounded to him ?
"Me, too," she whispered, because it was true and because it was more simple to reply like this than to express what she truly meant. She couldn't gather the same courage as he did.
"Okay," he stated, though he didn't move an inch.
A shy smile crept on her features.
"Maybe we should do something.
- Okay," he repeated, as still as a stone.
"Should I lead the way ?
- Please," he blurted out, releasing the deep exhale he was holding.
She chuckled, growing soft at his demure attitude. She eyed the window facing her.
"Maybe we should close the curtains," she suggested. "I know we're on the sixth floor and that they're barely open, but I don't want to risk a drone passing by.
- Okay," he said again, standing on his feet and walking towards the window, all the while carrying her.
"Woah !" she shouted, surrounding his shoulders with her arms. "What are you doing ?!
- Closing the curtains, as you requested," he explained, letting go of her left thigh to produce the said action.
"But why are you carrying me ?" she squeaked, abashed and very much self-conscious.
"It seemed to be the most efficient route." He sat back down on the mattress, as if he hadn't moved from this post. "Wasn't it ?
- I- I don't- That's not the point !" she huffed, red tinging her cheeks. "Just- Warn me, next time !
- I will." But she could hear in his tone that he didn't understand the fuss she was making over such a trivial detail. The next words he added allowed her to clarify his reasoning.
"I just didn't want to part from you."
He really had to stop with this kind of declaration. Her heart wouldn't handle it in the long run.
"It would have been a matter of seconds, Connor," she stated, her voice coy.
"Seconds I chose to pass close to you."
She leaned back, trying to find his eyes in the darkness of the room. She discovered them in the blue hue flickering on his temple, gentle and serene, while her mind ran wild.
Emotions were clenching her throat. All the things he said were offered with sincerity and truth. Of course, he was able to lie, but, as he had explained before, he always chose to do so. Probably the same way he chose to tell her this, along with all the sentences that made her heart falter in a comforting and terrifying way.
She couldn't allow it to go down that path. Ever.
"El' ?" he wondered out loud, brushing her cheek, anchoring her back to him and the present moment. "Are you alright ?
- Can we turn the light on ?"
She saw his eyes round with her question, and she quickly elaborated.
"As I said, I want to see you." She smiled. "I guess it's no problem for you with your advanced lenses, but-"
The bedside lamp clicked and a warm flash invaded the room, soft enough to be cosy, and luminous enough to detail everything her pupils could reach.
"I want to see you, the same way that you see me," he said.
Connor knew they were not equal, by their nature, experience and status, but she had always treated him as such. He wanted them to go through those moments with as much likeness as possible. Being with her, in her arms, through those new sensations and feelings made him wonder if this was what being human felt like.
Her warmth, her words, the reactions they both shaped in the other made him feel alive like never before.
She gulped silently and directed her eyes to his neck. Her fingers slowly shifted towards the spot she was focusing on, and he felt her nails through the fabric of his shirt as she unbuttoned it. Her lips barely parted as she discovered the newly exposed skin, one moment after the other, and he was hypnotised by the subtle changes he could witness in her expression. Pupils were dilating, heartbeat quickened, turning her breath short, heat flushed her skin. He was intimidated, but he trusted her.
She was almost done, each new opening she created disclosing larger patches of his bust that only strengthened her desire and attraction to him. She knew she shouldn't have been surprised, that androids had been designed to look like he did, but the sight of him left her gasping. The strength radiating from him, combined with his gentle, hesitant nature moved something in her ; she wanted to cry, to hug him, to enrapture him, to protect and be protected by him.
"Fuck, you're beautiful," she whispered, more for herself than for him.
|Software instability ^|
Thirium ran strongly through his veins. He felt his impatience wrestling with his want to slow it down so he could take everything in. As she freed him from his last tether, he grabbed his shirt by the shoulders and deftly slid it along his arms with a measured shrug. The sigh she let out mingled with his own breath.
Her fingers had run along his shoulders before, but the direct contact of their skin lit fire on every spot she traced. It was torture and solace. Barely there, yet so strongly engraving the surface of his being. He was loudly breathing through his nose, each shiver born in his body ruffling his exhales.
"How do you feel ?" she asked, her fingers detailing his ribcage. He decided on the most explicit words he could gather.
"Vulnerable. And craving.
- Is it okay ?
- Yes."
He pulled her face to his, tilted his chin to meet her lips, and hummed when her palms applied more pressure on his back.
He hooked the bottom of her sweater, a questioning gaze in his eyes.
"May I ?
- Yes," she consented, which sent jolts of light along his spine. He slowly lifted the piece of clothing, revealing the tight tank top underneath and messing her hair up. She removed the last barrier between their skin and dove against him before he had the chance to inspect her exposed chest. The sudden movement left him breathless as more of his receptors detected new stimulations. He didn't know which of the two of them was shaking.
His hands caressed her back and she gasped at that touch, tightening her embrace. His eyes shut as the scent of her skin invaded him, and he had to repress the surprising urge to bite her shoulder, as to dispel the tension building inside him.
"Are you okay ?" His voice was rasp, cautious, impatient. Was she as overwhelmed as he was ?
"Yeah…" she breathed out. "It's… new.
- Yeah. For me, too.
- For you, especially."
She was slowing her breath down on purpose. He could feel her heart pound through the burning warmth of her breasts.
"El' ?
- Yeah ?
- May I look at you ?"
There it was. That shyness, that self-awareness that turned her fragile confidence into a puddle of anxiety. Elnöra had never had a strong sense of modesty ; the fact that she had been part of a theatre troupe had greatly contributed to that, since changing costumes between two scenes often required the help of other comedians who had better things to consider than a flying breast or the beginning of a buttock when pants had to swiftly been yanked away.
She didn't find empowerment nor weakness in her naked body. It was a tool, something that she appreciated and took care of, and that could make her frown when she detailed it for too long. She had learned to make her peace with it and to grow comfortable with its strengths and limits.
But intimacy shifted the perspective entirely, especially when she shared it with someone she had grown attached to. She knew it wouldn't matter to Connor how she looked ; he had probably seen nude bodies before, and in much more sordid circumstances. She knew he wouldn't hold any judgments towards her and wasn't sure that he had yet developed a sense of aestheticism. It should have been even easier to let herself be seen by him ; he who was novice at this and whose kindness didn't need to be demonstrated further.
Yet, she was nervous. She didn't know what reactions to expect and it made her blood freeze. What would his gaze hold ? What response would it spur in him ?
Some vain part of her mind hoped it would leave him as breathless as the sight of him did to her.
Slowly, she gave him space and shifted her feet to the floor where she took a few steps back. She stood before him, hands hiding her chest from view, her spine straight and shaking.
He joined her, as tall as she felt small. His eyes were curious and patient. He made no move to rush her and stood still, waiting for her decision.
Her hands slowly floated down by her sides. He could see her entirely from head to navel, the high-waist pants she was wearing concealing the rest. She didn't know if the gold colour stuttering at his temple was good or bad news. He stepped closer, raising a hand he wasn't sure where to rest.
"El'…"
That voice was turning her insides to lead. She felt heavy with lust and anguish. Never had she been scrutinised in such an inquisitive and caring way.
He didn't know why the sight of her made him so emotional. His program was trying to translate the feelings arising inside him, but none seemed appropriate. He had no expectation per se, but seeing her half-undressed, hesitant and brave, unsure yet proud, strengthened his will to protect her.
He wanted to touch her, to explore her body, to learn every curve, to count each freckle and vein showing through her pale skin. He wanted to experience it through other means than his program that had already measured that her left breast was 14% plumper than her right one. He wanted to discover her through his own lens and perspective.
"I find you beautiful," he breathed out, surprised at his judgment. He noticed the blush darkening on her cheeks, mirroring his own fluster. "I mean, I've come to learn that beauty is a social construct and that aesthetic criteria evolve with time, experience and cultural background, but-
- Connor ?
- Yes ?
- Shut up and touch me."
|Software instability ^|
Her boldness sharpened his breath and he stepped closer still. He could feel the warmth radiating from her skin.
"Okay.
- If you want to, that is.
- I do."
His fingers brushed her shoulders, trailed on her collarbone, light as feathers. He saw the shivers blooming on her skin, hardening the tip of her breasts and he carefully rested his palms on them. The thrum of her heart vibrated under his pads, and his hands exerted the barest pressure, studying the peculiar texture. It was soft and firm at the same time, folding and resisting under each movement.
He didn't stay there, running down, grazing a larger mole close to the right corner of the underline of her chest, counting her ribs, angling the shapes at the birth of her hips. His thumbs brushed the bones underneath the belt of her trousers and he looked at her. She took it as a hint to move again and placed her hands on his bust, along his abdomen, underlining every hollow she could find.
"Why does it feel this way ?" he asked, folding and sighing in her neck while he blindly explored her back.
"What do you mean ?" She kissed his collarbone, tracing fire on his lower abdomen.
"It feels so different when you're the one touching me," he explained, breathless. "I know it wouldn't be the same if I was the one to accomplish those gestures." He tilted back, finding her eyes that looked at him as if he was the only source of light. He gently cupped her breasts, innately aware of the charge of this contact. "Why is it so ?
- It's the same for me," she answered, a discrete whimper lacing her words. "I think it's the same for a lot of people. When you are touched by someone, there's something unexpected, a weight and movement that you're not used to." She lined her body with his and he gasped at the pressure she exerted against his pelvis with hers. "You can't be sure of what's gonna happen next and it creates a sense of expectation and thrill.
- Yes," he confirmed, kissing her. "That makes sense.
- Why do I have the feeling that understanding all of this turns you on even more ?" She grinned against his mouth.
"Probably because it's true," he smiled in turn and slid his arms around her.
It became messy and tangled. Hands got lost on heated skin. Lips and tongue met and parted to taste, and gasp, and suck. He was pushing his movements further, daring to explore new zones with each new second. The way she curled around him was certainly encouraging.
At one point, she nipped at his shoulder and the sudden pain made him squeeze the buttock he was previously fondling. She loudly gasped and stood on her tiptoes.
"Are you okay ?" she wondered.
"Yeah. You surprised me.
- Two can play at that game," she tittered.
"Are you saying that you're also competitive in this area ?" he asked, placing a kiss on her neck.
"You're one to talk," she countered, her hand landing on his crotch.
|Software instability ▲
A muffled moan escaped him and that sound made her heart drop and surge. She wondered if he felt those sensations differently than her. She slowly stroked him and was fully aware of his knees buckling from under him.
"Aah…" he sighed, his hands stuck in her back and his forehead on her shoulder, as if this gesture prevented him from doing anything beyond trying to stand still and holding on to her.
"Do you want me to stop ?" she inquired.
"N- No," he hissed with another brush of her hand. "That…
- Yes ?
- That feels… good."
She was not going to survive tonight.
And, considering the current state he was in, neither was he.
She lifted her hand to hold his and gently pulled him towards the bed. Before she sat down, she unbuttoned her pants and removed them, eyeing him in the process.
"I think you'll feel more comfortable if you take yours off, too," she remarked, glancing at his bulge that was painfully locked behind his zipper. She saw him blush as he unbuckled his belt.
She took that time to detail him ; he really was gorgeous. Lean and strong, muscles rolling under freckled skin that invited kissing. His hair was tousled and knowing she was partly responsible for it pleased her for no specific reason other than to mess with his usually impeccable appearance. Noticing the redder spots she had painted on him with her fingers and mouth felt like a weird and very satisfying achievement.
Now in his underwear, he approached her, his eyes affixed on the floor, as if he dared not look at her. Was he feeling shy ? Hesitant ? She was about to suggest that they could take a break or stop altogether, when he crouched in front of her. Her heart gave a painful jump, taking her thoughts into a world of fantasies that warmed her up with how vivid and suggestive they were. He rested his hand on a spot on the mattress behind her… and swiftly stood up to gather the rest of the clothes they had dropped here and there.
Placing them on his shoulder, he then proceeded to neatly fold each and every one of them to set them on the chair close to the bathroom.
The fact that he had an erection or that he'd left her hanging didn't seem to pose a problem.
"Um… Connor ?" she called, astonished.
"Yes, El' ?
- What are you doing ?
- I'm folding our clothes so they don't get crumpled."
She scoffed. Sometimes, she really couldn't believe him.
"Connor ?
- Yes ?
- Do you really think this is part of our priorities, right now ?"
He stopped, looked at her, then at the clothes, actually considering her rhetorical question.
"But… The clothes…" he justified sheepishly.
She didn't know if she should laugh or cry or groan with frustration.
She then also realised he was probably using that break to settle his emotions, which turned her mood less high-strung.
"Fine," she stated, rolling her eyes and dropping on the pillows. "Just hurry up, okay ?
- Okay."
She observed him and noticed that he was, indeed, picking up the pace.
His back was scrumptious.
She'd always had a thing for backs, no matter the gender of their owner. A beautiful back was a beautiful back, and Connor's was one of the most exquisite she had laid her eyes on. The small dimples framing the base of his spine, how symmetrical his shoulder blades were, the tightness and roundness of his ass. Only the sight of him was increasing the temperature of the room, and she absent-mindedly wondered if he'd agree to spend most of their time in the flat shirtless. She refrained a foolish giggle.
She straightened herself on her elbows when he turned to face her. When he saw her lying on the bed in a careful and thought-out posture that underlined her curves, she saw his boxers twitch.
She flipped to her knees and held out her hand that he swiftly reached for, but she saw the hesitation in his stance.
"We can stop, if you want," she said. "We can just lie down and talk. Or I'll sleep.
- I just don't know what to do," he explained. He shook his head, specifying, "Well, no. Again, I know what to do, but I…"
Empathy shrouded her heart. Even if their exchanges stirred craving and excitement, they had to take it slow.
"You're nervous ?" she asked.
"Yeah," he confirmed, kneeling one leg on the mattress.
She gently stroked his cheek and held his gaze.
"Is there anything that I could do or say that would make you feel more comfortable or safe ?"
He took some time to really consider her suggestion.
"I guess… I just want to look at you, to know how you feel."
He tilted his head to experience her touch further.
"I'm receiving so much new data. About you, about me. It's… somehow overwhelming, even though I usually seek new information." He offered a small smile and landed his other knee on the bed, narrowing the gap between them with a waddling yet precise step. "I'm struggling between my curiosity and ache to discover more and my need to cope with… with all this."
Her fingers brushed away a curl of brown hair. He strangely felt that he didn't deserve such care and patience.
"What do you want me to do ?" she whispered softly, waiting for him to utter the answer that she couldn't give.
"Could you stand still ?" He placed a hand on her waist. "I want to explore you."
He saw her heartbeat quicken once more. He wondered what it was exactly that caused the rather steady rhythm to go frantic.
"Go on," she allowed, dropping her arms by her sides.
He wasn't sure where to start first. He was most intrigued by the part he had yet the chance to truly detail : her back. But the lower part of her revealed body was also new. He settled for his first choice and rose on one foot to swiftly pass behind her. She gasped at the sudden movement and looked at him from above her shoulder with wide eyes.
"Remember the first rule, El'," he said, waiting for one gesture of agreement before trying anything.
"Of course. So do you," she replied, turning her face away from his.
He allowed his eyes to trail down then, and he gulped.
The first thing that caught his attention was the fox tattoo that had been mentioned during the press conference. The animal was depicted as curled on itself, its long tail lazily folded around its body, seemingly to keep warm during its peaceful doze. It was nestled in the hollow of her right hip. He wondered how many people before him had laid eyes on it.
He noticed many things. The colour of her ash blond roots, slowly growing back and more salient where her hair was shorter. The subtle bend in her spine, most likely due to her left leg that was a few millimetres taller than her right. The soft blond fuzz growing on the arch of her lower back. Moles and freckles that weren't unlike constellations in the sky. The visible veins and bruises, particularly noticeable on her pale skin. The birth of cellulite at the corner of her buttocks, drawing dunes and pits, assembling a map that was unique to hers.
Those details carved into his mind. He found them beautiful.
His hand rose and touched the base of her neck and she tensed. His fingers traced each vertebra, following the route they built, until he reached the line of her underwear. He sketched mindless pictures on her skin, aimlessly losing himself in this observation. He noticed that hairs stood on end when his touch grew lighter, and she shivered heavily when he lingered on the right side of her waist.
"Are you okay ?" he asked, his throat taut.
"Yeah," she chuckled. "That tickles, but I like it."
He smiled, relieved, and pressed his palm along her thigh, allowing his other hand to travel on its own. He inched closer and slipped his touch to her front, exploring her belly without seeing it. He felt her core clench with expectation and she raised a hand to his neck, gasping.
His fingers lined the curve of her breast, and she tilted her head back with a sigh that increased his state of arousal tenfold. Something about this posture excited him ; whether it was the intimacy of the gestures, the 5 inches height difference between them, or the way their bodies aligned with each other, or all of these together, he didn't know. He simply knew he was feeling strong and weak, daring and insecure, entranced and aware of every move, every shift, every change.
He tilted his head and found the spot in her neck to kiss it, as he slowly started to fondle her breast. She gasped and bit her lips to quell the sounds erupting in her throat. His other hand soon joined the first one, balancing the attention he was offering her chest, and her eyes closed on their own.
The touch was clumsy, hesitant, but it drove her mad with lust. She had to focus not to let her fingers explore him the same way he did with her, or to arch against his groin to give him a taste of his own medicine.
A sudden pressure sent a prickling signal along her spine and she hissed in pain. His voice immediately rose, ever so caring.
"Are you okay ?
- Yeah," she huffed. "But take it easy. These are no stress-relief balls," she chuckled.
"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean-
- I know. It's okay."
His hands had immediately risen at her feedback and he let them hover. She gently seized them and guided them back to her skin, one on her chest, the second on her belly. She looked at him and smiled, feeling the tremor in his fingers.
"It's okay."
His mouth found hers and he inhaled deeply, allowing himself to move again. The texture of her skin, the line of her ribs, falling and rising, the sound of her voice. It all filled him to the brim, threatening to burst. He didn't want to think or analyse. He wanted to try and let himself get lost in the exploration of her being. He wanted to be washed ashore her thighs, her legs, her arms. He wanted to feel the heat in between and the cold around.
His fingers trailed down, meeting the last piece of fabric on her body, and brushed against it. He found warmth and dampness, and she moaned and arched when he pressed down on it. Another gentle circling motion brought a new cry, and he realised he was drowning into those reactions.
Huffing, she grabbed his wrist and said, "You're making it very difficult to stand still.
- I'm sorry," he replied, though he wasn't. "You seemed to enjoy this, but I may be wrong.
- That's the thing, Connor." She turned her face towards his. "I enjoy this a lot, and I want you to feel the same."
That was a suggestion he could roll with.
"You may move, if you want.
- Not too overwhelming ?
- I'll let you know.
- Okay."
She turned around to kiss him. His hands surrounded her waist and lifted, straightening her bust and leaving her gasping. She took a few moments and more caresses on his skin before allowing her hand to close around his length, and his breath shuddered.
He didn't know if he would be able to keep up with his own gestures when she was focusing on that part, but he wanted to try.
The angle was different and his palm rested on her soft mount, fingers fiddling to find the spot that created sounds in her throat and small spasms in her muscles. She quickly responded, and he noted she seemed to struggle as much as he did.
"Ah, fuuuuck..." she swore under her breath, leaning her forehead against his.
"Should I stop ?" he suggested.
"No. But I kinda want to get rid of this," she replied, her index pulling at the band of his boxers. "If you're comfortable with it, that is.
- I think I'll be more comfortable without it than I am now.
- Probably.
- I mean, your insight about my pants proved to be true earlier.
- I'm a keen observer."
He smiled and stood up, leaving her kneeling on the mattress. Her heart rose to her throat and she tried to swallow down her nervousness and desire. He swiftly took off his underwear and neatly threw it to join the rest of their clothes on the chair. He looked at her then, waiting for her appraisal.
She tried not to let her eyes linger for too long, but failed miserably. After four seconds, it became blatant staring and she noticed the slight discomfort it caused him in the change in his posture.
"El' ?
- Yeah, sorry," she answered, shaking her head and folding her arms together, her right hand covering her mouth in a thoughtful gesture. Her eyes were quick to land anew on the object of her attention, creating a blush on his cheeks.
"Is there something wrong ?" he asked.
"What ? Oh ! No, no ! There isn't, sorry. It's just-"
She hesitated, looking him up and down, remaining on that lower level, before peeling her eyes away.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but... This is the prettiest penis I've ever seen."
He was torn between bursting with laughter or with embarrassment, and considering the look on her face and the subtle twitch on her eyelids, so was she.
"Is it ?" He looked down and up, his irises anchoring in hers. "I mean, it's the traditional model that can also be found in HR400 androids.
- Is it ?
- I don't know. I could find out, but I don't care."
She chuckled and ran a hand in her hair. He joined her on the bed, grinning.
"Sorry for staring," she apologised.
"It's alright. It's nice to feel appreciated.
- Don't get too confident.
- I don't need to. I noticed the way your pupils dilated," he stated simply.
Her lips pouted and she looked away again.
"That's not fair.
- I know." He gently turned her face towards his. "I like that I'm able to tell how you feel, though."
She slowly curled her fingers around him, her other hand resting in his neck.
"I just hope that I'll be able to read the feedback you give me as well as you," she smiled and kissed him.
|Software instability ^|
She slowly pressed down, feeling the skin fold under her palm, revealing the sensitive edge, then covered it back up. His thighs started trembling and he buckled forward, shuddering a long moan between their mouths. As she repeated her movement, he hissed and dug his fingers around her shoulders, trying to remain straight.
"Are you alright ?" she asked, sliding her fingers once again, feeling the bump of his veins, and plucking a drop of arousal at the tip with her thumb to spread it around. His voice wavered and he managed to nod against her forehead as an answer.
God, he was beautiful.
It was overwhelming, but he didn't want her to stop.
He had never expected to react this way. He was obviously aware of the sensitivity of his receptors – he'd had the opportunity to test them on his own, his curiosity eager to discover the realms of pleasure – but it was, once again, completely different when performed by someone else.
He wasn't much driven by sexuality. He did understand why people would seek such release, but, to him, there were other means that felt as enjoyable as erogenous stimulation. The solving of a crime. A good fit of laughter with Hank. Music swelling to a pinnacle of emotions. He had never experienced the urge that desire brought, but he had also never felt desire like this towards somebody.
Each jerk of her hand created sparks and bolts of pleasure, increasing in intensity and length. He had never had so little control of his voice which was rising in the room in waves that didn't seem to belong to him. He wasn't used to this helplessness, this surrender, and he was navigating that thin line between safety and unknown territory. He knew he could trust her, but he had no idea how far they would take it.
"Aaah, wait, wait," he gasped.
"Okay."
She stopped, her hand still holding onto him, but relieving some pressure. She sounded as out of breath as he was.
"Are you alright ?
- Yeah, I… I need a break.
- Do you want to lie do-"
His lips pressed against hers and she let go of his shaft to rest her arms around his neck. His hands tightened on her buttocks to bring her close and the contact of her pelvis against his, the touch of the fabric in between and her sharp inhale painted images on his lids. He wanted to lay her under him. He wanted to dig his nails, sink his teeth into her skin, not to bruise or hurt, but to hear those cries, to see her skin crimp and shake. He wanted to hear her say his name in that voice.
"Do you want me to take this off ?" she asked.
He noticed he had been toying with her underwear, and considered the suggestion. To do so would require her to move away. But it also would mean that there would be nothing left between them.
"Yes. I mean, if you're okay with it.
- Could we go under the covers ?
- Of course."
They parted for mere seconds and crawled on the mattress. She struggled a little to remove her mint panties, then twirled them in a victorious motion above her head, before throwing them off the bed.
"Don't you dare go fetch them," she warned, skittering closer.
"I won't," he replied, smiling, and slid an arm under her head.
This position was usual for them ; they had adopted it through difficult nights for the girl, when she craved comfort and reassurance. But the charge here was completely different. Not only were their skins glued together, but the scents, the movements, the rougher and softer patches, everything felt and smelled and seemed sharper and more acute.
This new setting brought another wave of hesitation that quickly vanished when they kissed again. Hands curled and stretched and grazed, and while this lying state rendered their exploration clumsier, it felt more intense and intimate. Space dissolved, time kept its maddening course, sliding around the bubble surrounding them. It didn't matter which dimension and body belonged to whom ; they wanted further and more.
When he slithered his fingers between her thighs, taking in the touch of her warmth, her hair, her dampness, she straightened like a violin bow. He tried a tentative rub and saw her bite her lower lip to stifle a moan.
|Software instability ^|
"How does it feel, El' ?"
She didn't reply, not immediately, and another gentle nudge from his hand made her eyes flutter close.
"El' ?
- Oh, gosh, Connor, how do you think I'm feeling ?"
She slightly turned her face away and he took in her expression and tone.
"Are you embarrassed ?" he asked, releasing his pressure to find the arch of her hip. Her eyes opened and half glared, half looked down.
"I'm not used to be that vocal about what I'm feeling during sex," she admitted. "And I know you're asking this because you want to make sure that I'm okay and that you're doing well, but…"
He remained silent, brushing a strand of hair away from her forehead.
"But," she sighed, "it also makes you sound like you're extremely… dominant."
His brows furrowed. He didn't understand.
"What do you moan ?"
She groaned. She shouldn't have said anything ; he wouldn't let this go now.
"It's like… you're in control of my pleasure. And it's a bit intimidating."
She paused, then looked at him for the rest of her explanations.
"But it's also very… sexy."
He kept staring at her, then bluntly asked, "Does this arouse you ?"
Her hands concealed her face and she chuckled a strange sound.
"See ?! This is exactly what I'm talking about !
- I'm sorry," he replied, rather flustered. "Should I stop talking ?
- No. I want you to experience this in a comfortable way.
- I also want you to be comfortable.
- I'm not. But it's because it's new. It's that sense of discomfort that makes me crave for more, you know ?
- I know. I feel the same way.
- Good, then, I guess ?
- Yes, good."
They paused for a while, then he added, "I want us both to be in control." He brushed his thumb on her cheekbone. "But I also wish you'd guide me. I want to know what makes you feel good.
- I know… Just, maybe… Don't ask me questions at every new gesture." She returned the gentle caress. "You told me you know what you're doing, and I bet you know where everything is supposed to be." She smiled and he smiled in return. "We're slowly getting used to each other, and it doesn't have to be perfect or go crescendo all the while.
- Right." His eyes quivered to her mouth for a second. "Can I just say that I like the sounds you make when I touch you ?
- You can. But I can't promise not to blush."
And, indeed, he saw that she did.
Hiding her eyes, she tittered.
"We have to talk about the way you use your words.
- Am I being too blunt ?
- Somehow. But I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't like it."
She kissed him, then used momentum to send her leg above him. She straightened her bust and smiled at him from this height. His hands settled on her thighs and squeezed mindlessly, as her hands grazed his torso, tracking every mole that they could find.
"I've never been a fan of pleonasms, but gosh, are you amazingly gorgeous."
|Software instability ^|
The twitch she felt between her thighs allowed her to assess what effect those attentions had on him. She lowered, and her forearms framed his head. Her fingers twirled his hair while she softly talked to him.
"Are you starting to understand what power words do hold ?"
His palms ran up, hesitant to remain on her buttocks.
"I am.
- Good. What if I were to tell you that…" she gulped and inhaled. He could see that only the idea of speaking her thoughts out loud excited her, the same way the expectation she created did to him. "That you look even better than I could have imagined ? And that I both want to go as fast and as slow as possible."
|Software instability ^|
It was so strange that he could barely control the reactions of his body, and by her smug face, she most likely had noticed. She offered him a mocking grin.
"Someone seems to appreciate my efforts in telling you how I feel."
He wanted to reply to her jibe, but then, a wonderful thing happened.
Her hips shifted.
All against him.
All along his sex and back.
His head arched and he unsuccessfully bit down a long moan that made her halt.
"Too much?" she asked.
"No," he huffed. "Yeah. Ah, maybe." He started chuckling and she joined him.
"Want to try again?
- Yeah."
They did. And his hands, previously timid, clasped around her behind under the sensations stirring inside him.
That gesture triggered a series of events.
She let out a soft, surprised gasp and jolted forward, flattening his shaft between their bodies, drawing gooseflesh on his skin and a cry from his mouth. His head abruptly jerked forward, bumping her flat on her forehead.
"Ow !" she exclaimed.
"I'm sorry !"
She sat up, placing her hand on the painful area, then rolled onto her back at his side, hissing and groaning. He ignored his own bruise and turned to examine her, his hand hovering above her body. He noticed she was shaking.
"El' ? Are you okay ? I'm sorry !"
The sound of her laughter cut him off.
"Oh my god," she cackled. "We are so bad at this !"
She unveiled her face, and he noticed tears in her eyes, unsure if they were born from hurt or from hilarity.
"El' ?
- I'm okay, don't worry. My brain's a little rattled, that's all.
- I'm sorry," he repeated, analysing her vitals, just in case.
"Well, at least, I can safely say that nobody has ever done that to me, in bed.
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be. That could become a thing, y'know ? To show your partner that you like what they're doing." She grabbed an invisible head, then butted it with a rather illustrative sound effect.
He couldn't help but smile, seeing that she looked okay.
"I didn't mean to do that.
- I hope you didn't. That would have been weird if you did." Her eyes drifted away for a second, her features pensive. "I was already wondering if androids had this kind of ritual to signify pleasure."
He groaned, cupping her face.
"Are you really okay, or is it brain damage speaking ?"
She scoffed at that snide remark and gently slapped his shoulder.
"I'm sorry for trying to deal with my recent head trauma through humour !
- You should find another treatment, because this one is terrible.
- I'll make sure to tell my therapist that."
They chuckled and she nuzzled his nose with hers.
"Do you want to go on ?" he asked.
"Sure ! Just let me get my helmet."
She pretended to rise up and he kissed her to shush her.
She lay on her back and her leg wrapped around one of his. Her palms quickly rose to his back, sliding to his front, marvelling at the softness of his skin. He ran his fingers on her thigh, focused on her sighs to assess how pleasant it was for her. He trailed up, found her breasts, and gently rubbed at them. He tilted his face to kiss her throat, but dared not go lower.
"El' ?
- Yeah ?
- Can I use my mouth? "
She did not have to ask for further explanations, but she was thankful for his care. She kissed the top of his skull and whispered a soft "yes."
He pressed on his forearms to heave himself above her and further his exploration. She glanced at his shoulders and felt her throat tighten at the sight of the muscles rolling underneath. As he slowly lowered to kiss her chest, her hand curled around a pillow and clenched.
She had waited for this. She had literally had dreams about it. And this was wilder than any foggy fantasies her brain could muster.
Sweet apprehension rippled on her skin. It was soon subdued by the touch of his tongue on the hardened tip of her breast.
"Ah !" She arched into him and he released the stiff edge, appraising her behaviour. Her face was flushed red and she kept her eyes resolutely closed. But she didn't stop him nor did she express any signs of discomfort. The hand placed on his skull seemed to even encourage him further.
He cautiously bent forward again, capturing the nip between his lips to prod it gently with his tongue, and she sighed in response. While he fondled her other breast, he lapped, licked, nabbed and sucked, reveling in the reactions of the writhing body under his.
"Ah… Connor..."
|Software Instability ^|
"Yes ?" He looked up at her. She was panting and her tongue darted out to wet her lips.
"Nothing, it's just… It's good," she stated, brushing his cheek.
He smiled and echoed before resuming, "Good."
She had trouble imagining he had never done this before. He seemed to know what pressure to exert and which zone to stimulate or avoid. Obviously, his processor allowed him to precisely analyse what worked for her ; no doubt every sigh, each of her trembles and jolts were studied to define his next course of action. And while it was peculiar to be the subject of such scrutiny, Elnöra couldn't complain with the results.
He was so gentle. She could feel in the way he placed his hands on her how cautious he was. She was curious about how he felt and about what he was thinking, but he seemed determined to make her lose her head. She felt ashamed of the sounds she was making (What if the neighbours heard her ?) and it didn't improve when he slipped his right hand between her legs. They slowly parted under his touch and she brought the pillow to her mouth to bite on the case.
A soothing hand traced her jaw to unclench it, and she opened her eyes to find him staring at her. His fingers were still moving, slicking between her folds with ease.
"Wh- What ?" Her voice was hoarse and dry. His eyes mirrored her lust.
"I just want to look at you.
- Why ?"
He heaved himself to kiss her and her moan traveled to the back of his mouth. He was so warm, but she couldn't feel sweat on his skin.
"Because I want to see how you feel.
- This is slightly embarrassing, but okay," she huffed.
His brows furrowed and he stopped the circular motion he was applying under her mount.
"Why are you embarrassed ?
- Because I imagine I make awful faces.
- The faces that you make are my privilege to behold, especially now.
- Look at you, going all litera- aah !"
His fingers were moving again. She saw him grin at her lack of retort.
"You were saying ?
- Oh my god, shut up."
If his teasing nature kept developing, she was not going to make it.
He kissed her once again, then quickly trailed down her bust, peppering her skin with pecks and small nibbles. He had freed her crotch and was now coddling her thigh and waist. Her toes planted on the mattress and pushed her hips up. He softly lowered them to make his way between her legs and kissed her stomach.
"El', can I use my mouth down there ?"
The sudden thought of her last shave invaded her, and she felt very self-conscious that it had taken place before her everyday life turned to hell. She knew she didn't owe her partners anything when it came to body performance and aesthetics, but an uncomfortable wave swelled in her core.
Seeing her uneasiness, he straightened himself.
"We can stop, if you want.
- It's not that," she sighed, looking away.
"Tell me." He rested his palm by her head and brushed her cheek with the other.
"I'm just self-conscious.
- About what ?
- About how you see me."
His LED pulsed more quickly, computing her reply.
"I see you as you are.
- That's what I'm worried about.
- Why ?"
She nibbled her lower lip as he slowly rested his bust against hers.
"I'm not perfect.
- Neither am I.
- You are closer to that concept than I am.
- El'," he insisted. "What's going on ?"
She sighed again.
"It's so dumb.
- Tell me," he prompted, stroking her cheek.
She inhaled deeply, staring at his mouth, then explained.
"I'm not shaven down there."
He waited for her to go on, but she was apparently done.
"And ?
- That's it. That's all there is to it.
- And that makes you embarrassed ?
- A little."
He tried to understand, but he really couldn't see what was wrong with that statement.
"Why are you embarrassed ?
- I-" she started, unsure how to respond. "I feel that I should have prepared myself better.
- You couldn't have known that we would end up doing this today, could you ?
- No, but-
- And even if you had," he cut her off, translating a froth of impatience meddled within the sea of incomprehension in his voice, "why would you need to shave ?
- Because I know that some of my previous partners minded.
- Why ?
- Connor, you can keep asking, but I don't have all the answers to this."
He frowned, weighing her words.
"Do you want to shave, El' ?"
She scoffed.
"God, no. That's such a hassle.
- It's settled, then," he concluded, rising on his hands and knees to reach his previous position, lining his face with her belly.
"Connor !" she exclaimed, feeling her forehead burn. "What is settled ?"
He was kissing every mole around her navel and replied between each peck.
"If you… don't want to shave… and I don't mind… we should… simply keep going."
He was kneading one of her thighs while his other hand supported her lower back, gently lifting it towards him. He slowed down and looked up at her.
"Unless you want to stop ?"
He was insufferable.
But he was also trying to reassure her. Of course he wouldn't see what could be wrong with having pubic hair. Maybe simply because it was completely natural.
She had always tried to ignore such diktats. She usually questioned other people on those, especially her partners if she felt some discomfort in their interactions.
Yet… Some vain part of her mind wanted to look her best, even though "her best" was a vague notion that was yet to be defined.
Her eyes wavered into his.
Why was she still thinking about this when Connor evidently didn't care ?
She noticed his irises trailing down, detailing every square centimetre of her skin. When they reached the birth of her most intimate place, she saw his lips part, and she swallowed nervously. His gaze met hers, once again.
"What do you want, El' ?"
The answer came before she gave it a second thought.
"You."
|Software Instability ^|
His mouth was on hers again, though he had planned to explore another spot entirely. He had the sudden urge to connect with her like this, maybe to show her that she didn't need to change a thing for him to be moved by her.
He kissed the line of her jaw, tilting her head to the side, and nipped at her pulse. She gasped and bucked her pelvis up, and he groaned at that contact. She was soon panting under his hands and mouth, and he quickly descended to reach her inner thighs that he gently nudged aside. He kept shifting back, slowly lowering to the mattress to level his head with the object of his interest.
"Tell me if there's something that you don't like or if you want me to stop."
His breath against the warmest part of her being turned her into a quivering mess. She nodded, resisting the urge to shield her face, but closed her eyes, nonetheless.
His fingers traced swirls on her skin, brushing and pressing, edging closer and closer to her groin. When they met her core, he was once again surprised at how soft and wet and hot it was. He studied the folds, the lines, the colours, an intricate mixture of pink and red, with a soft sheen produced by her state of arousal.
It somehow reminded him of a flower.
He blinked away the useless diagram, reminding him of the most innervated and sensitive parts, and slowly stretched forward to place a kiss on her mount. He trailed down, left and right, feeling her thighs tremble, and after his pads tentatively parted the petals, he allowed his tongue to taste her bud for the first time.
The reaction was stronger than expected. She arched with a loud gasp and he felt the sheets he was lying under tauten with a sudden jerk of her hand. Waiting a couple of seconds, he traced another small circle, and her voice grew louder than before. He felt her fingers in his hair, half clenching, half pressing him down, and that touch made him conclude that she definitely seemed to enjoy what he was doing. That and the texture of the sounds she made, turning rougher, hoarser, and her body temperature that was increasing under his hands and against his face.
He kept licking and kissing, taking the time to assess what brought most pleasure out of her, quickly finding what made her whimper and moan.
He had never heard his name uttered in such a way.
She was melting.
He was slowly yet certainly bringing her closer to the edge, reaching highs at a speed she had never managed to climb. She was trying to slow down her breath in order to dull her sensations, but it was poorly efficient. It felt like he was chasing down her lust, and each time it seemed to manage to get away, a sudden fence fell before it, shepherding it back to the main road towards its final enclosure. It was building up inside her, and she found that she didn't want it to stop.
He pulled back for a few moments and she groaned in frustration before crying a loud exclamation at the touch of his finger gently entering her. A sudden and unexpected pain burned in that zone, but it quickly dissolved under the pressure he exerted on her walls and his mouth back in action.
"Aaah… Fuck… Connor…"
|Software Instability ^|
The subtle movement of her hips rhythming his pace informed him she was close, along with her voice that grew louder with each of his measured thrust. He liked to hear her like this. He liked that he was alone to hear her like this. He felt a strange pang in his chest at the idea of the others who had heard her like this and the ones that might follow.
She started shaking.
The wave abruptly floored her, and she cried with a jolt of her bust. He was accompanying her through the tide, but he didn't seem to allow it to recede. He kept rubbing her insides, stimulating the sensitive nub that she could feel pulsating under his tongue. It soon became unbearable.
"Aaah ! Stop, stop, stop !" she shouted, grabbing his shoulder, clawing at his skin. "E-enough, Connor !"
His head jerked up, as if he was coming out of a daze. He realized he had somehow lost himself in her cries, and finding his way back offered him the most erotic sight he'd ever laid his eyes on.
She was heavily panting, pupils wide, and mouth open. Her chest and cheeks were flushed red and the way she was looking at him, so helplessly and unwaveringly, made his length twitch uncomfortably. He released her as her hands were reaching out for him, and he mindlessly wiped his mouth before joining her. Her whole body was quaking, and she grabbed his face, his neck, his back, as he bent closer to her, muttering weak "Come here." She placed a long, shivering kiss on his mouth, then buried her face in the hollow of his shoulder, wrapping her arms and legs around him. From time to time, a violent shake racked her body and she would moan with it. He held her close, waiting for her to anchor down.
"Are you alright ?" he asked softly, brushing her hair.
"Y-yeah," she tried, still trembling.
Her breath was deepening, and her hands eased against his back, slowly trailing down towards his belly. After a few moments, she shuffled between her legs and captured his shaft in her palm, guiding its tip against her entrance. He pressed on his arms to look at her.
"El' ?
- Do you want to ?"
He huffed at the soft rub she exerted against her folds.
"I do." He cupped her cheek. "What about you ? Do you feel ready ?
- I think so."
He kissed her, and her other arm pulled him closer. He could feel the edge of her body slowly engulfing him, and he hummed against her lips, when a sudden jerk of her head made him pause. He tried to pull back to look at her, but she kept her face concealed from view.
"El' ?
- Give me a second."
He obliged her, alert and attentive to any sign of discomfort. She took a deep breath and nodded against his collarbone. He tried to press closer, but he could experience her tightness and the frustration arising inside her. She groaned, and he deciphered pain behind her gritted teeth.
He moved his pelvis back, freeing himself from the beginning of her warmth and she quickly grabbed his hip.
"No, wait !" she exclaimed urgently. "I can do this. I just need to-
- El'," he said softly but firmly, tilting his face to try and see hers.
He noticed the tears jostling in her eyes.
Seeing how genuinely concerned and caring he looked broke the dam she had tried to build before them. She whimpered pitifully and covered her face with her hands.
"El'…"
His voice was overflowing with worry. He gently eased her legs apart to lie next to her. She dared not look at him and she pulled the sheets above her head.
"El', talk to me."
A muffled sob answered him, and he didn't know if he could touch her.
"El', what's going on ?"
She inched closer, nuzzling her forehead against his bust, and he closed his arms around her. Had he done something wrong ? Misinterpreted her signals ?
"Did I hurt you ?
- No," she cried. "It's not you, I-"
She could see the blinking yellow light from under her eyelids. Guilt moored onto her brain.
"I- I don't know why, but- but I can't-"
Waiting for her to finish those sentences was akin to agonising. He somehow considered himself responsible for the state she was in.
"It hurts, and I don't know why ! I want this, I want this," she said emphatically, "but it's not working. It's like… I'm so tight and tense, even though I came, and-
- Could this be a refractory period ?" he suggested, his rational mind taking over to try and cope with their current distress.
"No ! No, this never happened before," she explained, uncovering her face and wiping her cheeks. "I don't know why it's doing this…
- El'…
- I don't understand," she whimpered. "I just want to share this with you. Why…"
The rest became incoherent blubber that she stifled against his skin. Her tears were singing his neck and he breathed deeply to not let himself be consumed by anxiety.
It had hurt her.
It seemed to be the only piece of information his program could focus on.
The possibility of frustration deserted him the moment he had witnessed the pained expression on her features. All that mattered were his crave for answers and ways to soothe her ; he didn't want this to end with such a heavy conclusion. He hushed her softly, cradling her form in his arms, trying to hold onto the thought that she had to calm down first so they could discuss what had happened.
What was wrong with her ?
What was wrong with her body ?
Why did it have to react this way ?
Why did it have to happen now out of all times ?
The fact that he kept offering her kindness and patience was tearing her apart. One part wanted to take refuge in his arms, closing her mind to the world and self-deprecating thoughts, and the other insisted on how selfish she was, how ashamed she ought to feel for relying on him and displaying such a pitiful act.
"I'm sorry," she sobbed, "I-
- Why are you apologising ?" he asked, befuddled.
"Because you must be so frustrated. You gave me… all this, and I'm not even able to-
- El', are you hearing yourself ?"
The question took her aback. She sniffled as an only reaction.
"Wha-
- Are you not aware of what you've given me ?" he pressed on.
She obviously seemed too upset to consider his own perspective. He tried to word it the way she had so often expressed her thoughts to him.
"I have never been that close to someone. I-"
It was so difficult. Which words to choose ? Which phrasing ?
"I had… never imagined what intimacy could feel like. And, to be quite honest, I had never really understood why so many people seem to yearn for it."
The silence answered him, but he knew she was listening. He went on.
"But now… I think I'm starting to understand. It's not about what we do, or about how fast we have to do it." He swallowed, his clenched throat throbbing under the wave of unnamed emotions swamping him. "It's about… having the chance to do this with you."
Her breath hitched against his skin. He softly lifted her chin to look at her tear-stained face.
"It's about you as much as it is about me. And if it hurts, we stop. If it's uncomfortable, we stop.
- But you-" she tried.
"But you , El'. I don't want to go on if you're in pain. I don't want to be… responsible for that."
New drops formed in her lids. They rained along her cheeks when she closed her eyes.
"And, from what I've read and found out, sex is not only about penetration, right ?"
She heard the hint of humour in his voice. A sound, half a chortle, half a weep, burst from her mouth.
"No," she agreed, her tone nasal. "No, it's not."
They remained still. She brushed her tears away and exhaled to centre herself. Her fingers grazed his chin as she examined his lips.
"You're not… responsible for me being hurt," she argued.
"I still don't want to contribute to it.
- I don't want you to be frustrated.
- I'm not." He embraced her closer. "We don't have to rush. We have time."
The moment the words appeared between them, they both knew this was half a lie. Time was a luxury they could afford now, but it could vanish at any moment. It was not something they had control of, since it depended on Hill's next course of action. Without discussing it, they both decided to push that reality aside and rely on the one they shared now.
"So… you're not mad ?
- No," he answered, perplexed. "Why would I be ?
- Because it feels, somehow, lopsided.
- Why ?
- Oh, gosh, Connor, do I really have to say it out loud ?
- You don't owe me anything, El'."
How could he say that when she felt that she currently owed him everything ?
Beyond the physical act, beyond the tenderness, what about her safety ? What about his kindness and presence ? What about his trust ?
"I wish… I wish there was a way to thank you.
- What for ?
- Everything." She pecked his mouth. "I wish we had met under normal circumstances, so I'd have means to show you how grateful I am.
- If we had met under normal circumstances, I'm not sure things would have turned out this way," he noted.
"I guess you're right."
He kissed her gently, pressing his hand in the back of her neck. Her lungs skipped a breath.
"I'm grateful for now, El'. It's not… easy. Nor ideal. But I am."
He slightly pulled back to detail her face. What she saw in his eyes made her heart drop.
"I'm grateful for you," he whispered.
Unwelcome fear bloomed in her mind.
These were no usual circumstances, indeed. And she was aware of how her predicament made her feel closer to him than if she had met him in a non-life-threatening situation. Obviously, he'd made it easier to grow attached to him, but she had to keep her feelings in check.
What troubled her was that she had no control whatsoever on his.
She couldn't allow this to derail.
She didn't even know if she would survive, and she didn't want to bet everything on her chances alone.
One side of her brain pinpointed that, maybe, this was furthermore reasons to let go, to enjoy anything that was within her reach while she could.
She wanted to.
But not completely.
Not entirely. Because if things went south, she wouldn't be the only one to get hurt.
She hugged him close. She was tired of thinking. She was tired of not finding a unique answer to this hair-pulling equation.
She was terrified of the movement of her heart craving to reach for his.
"What time is it ?" she asked, surprising him.
"3:27," he answered, nonetheless.
She groaned. "I definitely need to sleep."
She stretched and kissed him quickly, rising on her legs.
"I'll be back."
He watched her walk away, somehow annoyed by the surge of desire rising through him ; he thought about turning off the processor responsible for his state of arousal, but decided to leave it on. He wanted to experience that.
He heard the faint sound of the toilet getting flushed and of her teeth getting brushed. After a couple of minutes, she joined him, a wide yawn on her mouth.
"I'm exhausted.
- You look like it.
- You killed me," she added, crawling all against him.
"You seem pretty lively, to me.
- That's a figure of speech," she mumbled, sleepiness oozing in her tone.
"Should I not do it again ?" he suggested.
He heard in the abrupt halt in her breath that she was considering his words.
She poked him in the ribs, and he twitched.
"I didn't say that.
- What are you saying, then ?
- Good night, Connor."
He started chuckling. So did she.
Gentle strokes in her hair lulled her to sleep. She stopped fidgeting and her breath became more ample and profound. He was left alone with his thoughts and the data he had yet to sort out.
He didn't know how he was feeling. His curiosity was not as ravenous as before, but it certainly was not sated. He could never have imagined how this proximity with her would trigger such a need. To close every gap between them, to discover every angle, every shape of her, every flavour and every edge.
He was aware of this sword of Damocles hanging over their head, but he realised he irrationally wanted to ignore it. At least, for a while. At least, for a few days. He knew Hill's way ; he knew it was a big game of cat and mouse to him, and that he was waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. He knew he couldn't let his guard down.
He wished to stop time.
Bitterness seeped into him, and he brushed it away by looking at her. He noticed that her eyelids were flickering quickly, probably bothered by the soft light coming from the bedside lamp. He turned it off and kept detailing her face.
Eighty-six freckles.
They were all there.
No doubt she'd have more if her skin had been exposed to sunlight.
The more she had unveiled to him, the more freckles and moles he had discovered, tracing a map of her being, and he had recorded it mindlessly as he had explored her everything.
He could remember where each one of them was.
How many there were, so far.
All three hundred and eighty-five of them.
Author's note :
So, there we are.
Writing this chapter was something. I hadn't written smut in a lonnnng while, especially in English, and I discovered the way that I view sexuality has evolved a lot these past few years.
I wanted their first time to be awkward. I wanted it to be funny. I wanted them to take as long as they needed, take breaks, ask each other if they were okay. I wanted them to laugh, cry, feel self-conscious and marvel at small things. I didn't want it to be perfect. This is the longest chapter of the story so far and I don't regret it.
It was also very important for me to show that sexuality doesn't start with penetration nor end with a cisman/cismale android orgasm ; I wanted to show that communication is healthy and consent can be sexy.
I'm not sure that I managed to do it all. But I know I really enjoyed writing it.
And I hope you'll enjoy discovering this with them.