Chapter 3 - Confessions
Author's Note: In which Anakin and Obi-Wan talk. ^-^ Do you have any idea how much of a miracle that is? xD
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~ Amina Gila
Anakin is sitting with his arms crossed, a sure sign that he's uncomfortable or feeling insecure. Obi-Wan is at the other end of the couch, forcing himself to keep his posture as open and casual as possible. It's much harder than it normally would be, thanks to the information dump he received earlier. He can't quite get the image of the masked cyborg out of his mind. How – how could Anakin have become like that? He doesn't want to know the answer.
"At the beginning of the war, we were much closer than we are now," Obi-Wan begins slowly, unsure exactly how he wants to take this conversation, but they have to have it. He doesn't want to lose Anakin forever. "I know that it's largely my fault, but..." He pauses, searching for the right words. "I would like for us to try and fix this. We're 'The Team,' and if we can't talk to one another openly, that makes it hard for us to work together."
Anakin narrows his eyes as he studies him. "Why?" he asks. "Why do you care?"
Obi-Wan doesn't think he deserves anything more than suspicion, considering what he did – he faked his death and hurt Anakin so badly that it took weeks before they were able to have a civil conversation. Still, it hurts that Anakin thinks so low of him. All the more reason for why he has to fix this. He has to tell the full truth, but it's hard, because he's not used to giving voice to his emotions. "Because you're my friend, Anakin," he replies in a level voice, "And more than that, you're like my... brother." He doesn't really know how else to label their relationship. It's – calling Anakin his son would feel too... personal, too much like an attachment.
He only says it because he can't get his own anguished cry from his mind. You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you! He suspects that he confronted Anakin after he Fell, after he... only the Force knows what he did. Obi-Wan doesn't ever want to know or find out. He slowly inhales, pushing the thoughts aside as he gauges Anakin's reaction. His former Padawan is gaping at him as if he's never seen him before. Well, today must be a day for surprises.
When Anakin still seems to be in too much shock to give any proper, sensible reply, Obi-Wan decides to keep speaking. There's still more he wants to say. "I cannot undo the past, but we can move on from it. I'm not going to ask your forgiveness again, but I do hope that you will give it to me at some point."
Anakin relaxes, sinking back against the couch, and Obi-Wan suddenly realizes how tired he looks. "I know," he mumbles, and he even sounds exhausted. "It's not that easy, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan presses his lips together, thinking he might understand what the hold up is. Anakin is terrified of being left alone. He always has been. It is likely a result of his childhood, something else which Obi-Wan never really knew how to address. He was never the right master for Anakin. The future Luke showed him is proof enough of that. He failed his former Padawan in every possible way, and he doesn't understand how.
"I – I can't make any promises," Obi-Wan begins, "But know this: I don't want to leave you. I shouldn't have done what I did, but you know as well as I do that nothing can change what's been done." Luke seems to think that he's the only one who can help Anakin. Obi-Wan isn't quite as confident, but he can hope. He wants to. It's all he's ever wanted.
"I... yes, maybe we can try...?" It comes out sounding more like a question than not, but despite the hesitancy and uncertainty in Anakin's voice, he's clearly genuine. He's not saying it because he thinks he should. He's saying it because he wants it. Belatedly, Obi-Wan wonders how much time Anakin has spent thinking about how their relationship is deteriorating and despairing of it ever being repaired. He keeps his senses attuned to Anakin, so he can understand how the other is feeling.
Obi-Wan gives him a small, encouraging smile. He knows there's still more to be said, more which is on Anakin's mind, so he patiently waits for him to speak. He doesn't disappoint. "Master... I – I've disappointed you," he says finally, eyes darting up to meet Obi-Wan's for a moment, before he lowers his head again, unwilling to maintain eye contact. "I have not been very appreciative of your training. I've been arrogant, and I apologize." He huffs out a sigh. "It's just... I've been so frustrated with the Council. Your friendship means everything to me." And it does. The Force echoes with the truth of his words.
"You are strong and wise, Anakin, and I am very proud of you," Obi-Wan replies softly. "I have trained you since you were a small boy. I have taught you everything I know. You have become a far greater Jedi than I could ever hope to be, and you have saved my life more times than I can remember." He pauses, gathering his next words. "Be patient, Anakin," he encourages. "It won't be long before the Council makes you a Jedi Master." He's certain of it.
Anakin looks completely overwhelmed, a genuine smile on his face as he absorbs Obi-Wan's declaration. After a second, Obi-Wan extends an arm, a silent invitation for Anakin to come closer. Personally, he's never really gotten used to physical displays of affection, but with Anakin as his Padawan, it had become commonplace, especially in the beginning. Anakin doesn't even hesitate for a second, scooting over and wrapping his arms around Obi-Wan, burying his face in Obi-Wan's shoulder.
As he holds his former Padawan close, Obi-Wan rests his cheek against Anakin's head, no longer bothering to hide the rush of affection and love which he's feeling. This is his child, the boy he raised to become a great man... and this is also his brother. There's no one else that Obi-Wan would rather be with right now, no one he cares for more than Anakin. It could be dangerous, and he knows it, but he's at peace with it.
"I never want you to doubt how much I love you," he whispers so quietly that Anakin probably hears the words more with the Force than anything else. He can't bring himself to imagine a future where Anakin is Fallen, lost to his children, to him, and to the galaxy. Such a world would break him beyond repair.
Anakin presses closer, gripping him even more tightly as if worried Obi-Wan might disappear any moment. It's a little odd, but not in a bad way, Obi-Wan decides as he rubs Anakin's back soothingly. This is very reminiscent of the times when Anakin had a nightmare when younger and came to Obi-Wan for comfort. They stay like that for a long time until Obi-Wan's comm beeps. He's not too disappointed, because the almost unnatural calm which Anakin seems to have achieved stays with him even as he pulls back. He seems lighter than he was before for which Obi-Wan is grateful.
"Master Kenobi here," he answers briskly.
"Obi-Wan, there's a call for you and Skywalker in the comm center," Windu informs him. "After you take it, we need to talk about what you saw." Something he's really looking forward to. Not.
"We'll be there," Obi-Wan replies rising and disconnecting the comm. He motions for Anakin to follow, and they walk together through the Temple.
He's not exactly surprised to see a hologram of Ahsoka – along with Rex and Bo-Katan Kryze, a member of Death Watch and sister to Satine – waiting for them. He'd expected that she might be calling soon. Next to him, Anakin breathes out a sigh of relief. "Ahsoka!" he exclaims, and she turns to see them with a small smile.
"I'm glad you're both here," she tells them, before launching into a summary of the situation on Mandalore, including her initial encounter with Maul. "He mentioned a name, Darth Sidious," she says at the end.
Obi-Wan feels a chill run through his body, remembering the cold, manipulative tones that Sidious – Palpatine – was using on his brother, and a feeling of hatred flares to life though he tries to tamp it down and let it go so no one notices.
"Who is this Sidious?" inquires Bo-Katan.
Obi-Wan wants to tell them the truth, but he knows he can't. Not yet. "Darth Sidious is the Sith Lord who orchestrated the Clone Wars and played both sides of it from the beginning," he explains. "I first learned the name from Count Dooku, though any chance of learning more about Sidious from Dooku has been lost."
"Why?" Ahsoka wonders, frowning as Anakin winces next to him.
"My fault," Anakin offers a bit sheepishly. "I killed him when we rescued the Chancellor, so we can't really ask him to tell us anything more. Maybe if you can get to Maul, he can tell you who Sidious is."
"Can you send me more men?" queries Ahsoka.
Obi-Wan exchanges a look with Anakin. This is the moment he was waiting for. They need to leave Coruscant, preferably sooner rather than later, and they have the rest of the 501st to back them up. Maybe Anakin needs a distraction to keep him from worrying about Padme. Although, to be honest, Obi-Wan is worried about her too, but not because of her pregnancy. He's worried because he knows that she might do something to draw Sidious' ire. And if Anakin loses her and his unborn twins, he'll be lost to Obi-Wan and the galaxy.
"I don't see any reason why Anakin and I can't come join you with the rest of the 501st," he comments casually. Anakin jerks with surprise next to him. "We don't have anything of importance to do here, so we might as well come give you a hand."
Ahsoka grins at him. "That would be great!" she agrees, giving Anakin an expectant look. "What do you say, Skyguy?"
Obi-Wan can feel Anakin nudging him through their bond, so he lowers his shields slightly. "What about Padme?" Anakin sends fearfully. This is the first time that they've really communicated through their bond since the Hardeen incident, except for the couple times when they were in life-threatening situations.
He sends back a wave of calming emotions. "She should be fine, but if you're worried, we can bring her with us. She'll be safe aboard the Star Destroyer. It'll only be for a few days."
Anakin seems to debate that for a moment, before nodding slightly. "You have to convince her then," he replies mentally.
"We'll come," Anakin tells Ahsoka.
"I'll be waiting," she declares, disconnecting the call.
"Anakin, you'd better go tell your men to prepare," Obi-Wan instructs. "I'll find Master Windu and speak with him about this newest development."
Anakin snorts quietly. "I don't think he'll be happy. This is the second time you've gone ahead and decided something on your own."
Yes, it is, isn't it? Maybe he's becoming a rebel like Qui-Gon. Or maybe seeing a horrible future has pushed him to his limits. He doesn't really care. "Well, I've been forced to reevaluate what matters most," he quips lightly, careful not to let Anakin see his inner turmoil. "We'd better hurry if we don't want Ahsoka to win – or lose – the battle before we get there."
Anakin nods. "On it, Master," he calls as he jogs out of the room.
Well, it's time for a definitely unpleasant conversation with Windu. He wonders suddenly if it wouldn't be better for him to stay, to confront Sidious along with the other Jedi, but he knows that he can't do it. Logistically, it might be better, but he doesn't think he could leave Anakin when he's in this state. He needs all the support he can get to hold him together. He'll have to trust in the Force that the other Masters can handle Sidious alone. Windu, especially, should be successful, since Vaapad is meant to defeat Dark Siders. Obi-Wan's place is with Anakin, and that's where he'll be staying.
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