The Melancholic Path

by Strandenstein

Subaru meets a particularly Melancholic Man during his last failed attempt to reach the mansion and decides to form a contract for their mutual benefit. However upon returning by death to the market with Rem, Subaru questions why he would even bother to save everyone after what they put him through.

10. The Principal and his Secretary

The blankets were warm and soft, it felt like he was in heaven, so much so that he thought he could stay like this forever as he laid in his bed with his eyes closed.

This was a bliss that Natsuki Subaru had not experienced for a long time, yet felt like it was only yesterday, simultaneously too far away to feel recent yet too recent to possibly forget.

Subaru slowly cracked his eyes open to look at the dark room around him, it was his room, and it was only dark because his heavy curtains were drawn over the windows, preventing the light from streaming in.

Everything was just as he had left it, his posters were still there on his walls, his manga and light novels were still neatly arranged on his bookshelf, and finally his computer still sat in standby mode on his desk from what must have been a prior late night of gaming.

His eyes then slowly rolled shut as he tried to drift back to sleep, while doing so random echoes of what seemed like distant memories flashed through his mind, they painted a picture of a classic fantasy world where one would be transported at the beginning of an isekai adventure. However when Subaru tried to remember more about this place the only thing that he felt was sadness, a crushing depression so intense that his eyes began to well up with tears behind his eyelids, a few of which trickled out to make part of his pillow just the tiniest bit damp.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh" Subaru lamented in a barely audible tone as he lifted his head just enough to shift the pillow to a place where it was not damp.

But not more then a few seconds after he put his head down to return to his blissful sleep his alarm came on.

It blared at him angrily in a harsh, shrill, and artificially electronic beeping sound; he knew that it would keep going forever unless he shut it off.

Subaru rolled over in bed and opened his eyes to face the alarm, but when he looked at it his heart jumped into his chest, anxiety spiking at the sight of what the harsh red lettering said on it.

"7:30"

It was set later then normal, school began at 8:30, if he did not get up now he would be late.

He knew that he needed to go to school, that he should go to school, and because of this it felt like some part of him was trying to urge him to get out of bed and begin getting ready.

However at the same time another part of him felt absolutely terrified, urging him with ever little bit of strength and will power that it could muster to just stay put, stay put until enough time had passed when it would be too late to make it on time, when there would no longer be any point in going.

He made a deal with himself, a compromise, he would count to ten and once he reached zero he would get up and be ready to go to school.

"Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six….Five…Four….Three…..Two….One…..Zero"

Subaru counted under his breath, but with every number he said he could feel his heart rate rise even as he was increasing the time between numbers the closer he got to zero.

But he was at zero now so he had to get up, he had told himself that he would get up now, but even now he still was not ready.

His heart had firmly lodged itself in his throat to the point that he could hardly breathe, he could feel his heart rate rising higher and higher as beads of sweat started to form on his forehead.

"Five more seconds, five more and I'll be ready to get up."

He told this to himself as he began to count once more.

"Five…..Four….Three…..Two….One….Zero"

And once again he was here at the end of his count, and once again he was nowhere near ready to get up and get ready.

"Two more…"

Subaru made promises with himself as fast as he could break them, each time promising to get up after a shorter and shorter count, and each time finding himself only more and more anxious.

"Two…One…HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK!"

Subaru's count was interrupted as he found himself getting body slammed into his bed to the point that he could feel the mattress springs getting compacted underneath him as all the air was forced out of his chest.

It was the completely ripped middle-aged man that was Subaru's father, Natsuki Kenichi.

"SURPRISE FATHER SNEAK ATTACK!" Shouted Kenichi as he swiftly maneuvered to place Subaru in an armbar.

"OW OW OW OW OW OW, I TAP, I TAP, YOU WIN" Subaru shouted as Kenichi eventually released the arm bar.

It had been a completely one-sided and quick fight that was not at all like their normal father-son wrestling sessions, it had probably been disappointing for Kenichi but Subaru could not bring himself to mount an adequate defense in the slightest.

Kenichi sat up on the edge on the bed as he raised his hands closer to his face and just looked at them, Subaru remained laying on his back staring up at the ceiling while he did this.

"Say Subaru, I would normally call this a win…. But was I interrupting something…..you seem to be pretty sweaty….."

Kenichi said this with a somewhat despondent voice as his eyes remained fixed on his hands before he gradually turned to look at Subaru, his face a mix of slight disgust and surprise.

"Ohhh maybe I should leave, this seems like a father-son talk kind of subject."

Naoko said with her characteristically "out of it" voice that made her sound as if she was always a bit out of whatever was going on. She stood in a position in the doorway where she had been leaning against the frame as she peered into the room, watching the antics of the two.

"MOM?! HAVE YOU BEEN THERE SINCE DAD CAME IN?" Subaru shouted out in a mixture of surprise and embarrassment as he flung his upper half up so he too was sitting up in the bed.

"Oh I just came up to tell you and your father to not get too distracted since breakfast is ready, but it can wait until after you two finish talking." Naoko said this before she returned to the main floor, leaving Subaru and Kenichi alone in the room.

Kenichi turned to fully face Subaru with his whole body, looking at his hand once more before wiping it on the bedsheets, brining his legs up onto the bed in order to sit in a cross-legged position as he did so.

"Uhmmmmmm….This is a normal thing to feel the need to do son, especially when you're surrounded by figurines and posters of such beautiful 'women', you don't need to feel ashamed."

Kenichi put on the most adult like and fatherly voice he could as he said this, painting a stark contrast from earlier when he had been piledriving his son into his bed.

Subaru briefly looked around his room and did come to a realization of what Kenichi was saying, like most anime merchandise he had seen the posters and figurines he owned from his favourite franchises were almost exclusively of the female protagonist, and most of them were not in exactly the most 'conservative' of outfits.

Subaru snapped back to the topic in question quickly though, he was being falsely accused of masturbation by his own father and mother, an accusation that he must clear himself of.

"I'm telling you that I wasn't doing anything like that, I was sweaty because of how hot it was last night, we don't need to have any kind of talk about things that didn't even happen!"

Although Subaru was still really embarrassed he was finding it in himself to be just so ever slightly calmer, hoping that it would make his slight lie meant to deflect the embarrassing half truth just a bit more believable.

"You don't need to be embarrassed and defensive Subaru, wanting to do something like that is a natural for a boy your age. We've all done it, it does feel really good; well until I met your mother at least, now she feels REAL good, she's got this lit….."

Kenichi's attempt to talk to Subaru about masturbation was eventually sidetracked leading to the topic shifting to the one thing that was even more uncomfortable to hear about.

"PLEASE STOP DAD!"

Subaru could not take it anymore, he had his forehead pressed into the bed sheets as he prostrated his body, begging to be freed from the awkwardness, the embarrassment, the borderline cringe of his dad's attempt to talk to him about masturbation as well as sex in general.

"Well I guess we should go eat breakfast otherwise you'll be late for school…."

Kenichi quickly rocked to his feet before turning around to stretch out a hand to Subaru, which Subaru took.

"There, up ya go Subaru!"

Subaru was quickly rocketed to his feet by his father's strength, or more correctly pulled into the air so his feet were separated from the ground by about a centimeter or two before he fell to the floor, thanks to his fathers strength.

Subaru followed behind Kenichi as the two walked down the stairs into the kitchen where his mom had prepared breakfast, and both of them froze in their place when the saw the table.

Each person had a small plate with a single piece of toast smothered in strawberry jam alongside a small bowl containing miso soup with small squares of wakame seaweed floating in it, but these were not the things that caught their attention.

Situated directly between Subaru and Kenichi was a large bowl pilled high with steaming green peas.

"Uhhhhhm….That's a lot of peas mom"

"You could paint a whole forest with that much green…"

Both Subaru and Kenichi bemoaned a statement regarding the massive pile of green's that singlehandedly occupied a fair portion of the limited tabletop real estate, all the while Naoko just stood beside the table with her hands on her hips and a big smile on her face, like she was immensely proud of her creation.

"I thought that today would be the day for you two to bond as you got over your hatred for peas."

Naoko exclaimed this with as much pride and enthusiasm as she could muster, like she had devised some scheme of pure genius.

In spite of the sight in front of them both Subaru and Kenichi found their ways to their seats with grimaces on their faces, even as Subaru walked around the table he could not manage to tear his vision away from the peas.

He watched as tiny droplets of water slowly rolled off one pea before finding its way to the next, a continuous process that the water would follow as it slowly made its way to the plate at the bottom where it would create a slightly off green pool of pea tasting liquid.

When he focused on the peas in the pile he could see how their skin sagged slightly, they had obviously been overcooked a bit. The taste and mouthfeel of an overcooked pea had been burned into Subaru's memory since he was little, the soft and subtle split of the pea's skin as its soft, gooey, and slightly bitter inside spilled out into his mouth, an experience he never wanted to relive if he could avoid it.

The thin and tiny wafts of steam that came off the peas reached his nose, carrying the putrid smell that he utterly detested since he was little, where he would scrunch up his face to show his distaste for them, just like he had seen Emilia do whenever she had been served Peppirs.

Emilia, that name had come to his mind yet he had trouble placing it to a person, when he thought really hard he only got the most brief of feelings and the vague flashes of in descript images.

Purple stripes, white clothing, silver hair all flashed before at a speed that was barely visible, however what did stick with him was a lingering sadness, a sadness so immense that he could feel a single tear roll its way out of his eye.

"Heeeeey Subaru, are you okay, you're not looking so good right now." Naoko said as she looked at Subaru with a concerned look on her face, a sentiment obviously shared by her husband.

"Peas are truly the worst of the worst of the worst, they bring everybody down, whenever I see them I feel my heart falling farther and farther until I can feel nothing but distraught, peas don't make anyone happy in the slightest..."

Subaru spoke slowly and in a low voice as he said this, exuding an aura of nothing but pure sadness and melancholy as he went through and carefully enunciated each sound and syllable.

"Subaru! Your mother was just trying to make something that would give you the vitamins you need to get through your day at school, I know you don't like peas, and I cannot say I do either; I would make them into a pilaf or something so they'd be easier to get down, but we don't have time for that now. Apologize to your mother for what you said, she tried really hard and at least the effort and care she put into making this meal should be recognized!"

Kenichi almost snapped at his son as he spoke intone that was almost bordering on being angry, devoid of his normal playfulness as he assumed a behaviour that was in no way inline with the way Subaru would remember him acting.

Subaru felt himself snap out of some melancholic state that he had unknowingly found himself fall into, after rubbing his eyes he turned to his mom who seemed to be completely unphased from his earlier outburst and spoke apologetically.

"Sorry mom, I didn't feel like myself there, but what I said was not nice and I'm sorry for that."

"Oh its quite alright, I'm starting to think that maybe making all these peas was not the best of ideas first thing in the morning….."

Naoko just fixed her vision on the pile of peas as she stroked her chin with her hand, obviously deep in thought, completely unconcerned about the odd behaviour of either her son or her husband.

After this the meal consisted mostly in silence as the Natsuki family made their way through their meal that should have signaled the end of an eventful early morning and the beginning of the regular day.

The toast was just as he remembered it, at least how he thought he remembered it. The bread had been toasted just right, the outer layer had hardened so that it was crunchy while the inner portion of the bread was more or less just heated to the point of being warm.

The jam on the bread was spread thick and extremely sweet, leading to each bite being a crunchy blast of sweetness followed by a soft sweet pillow as the jam mixed with the warm insides of each slice in his mouth.

The miso soup was probably his favourite part of the meal however, it was the perfect breakfast soup with its light and salty broth that was only enhanced by the slightly chewy wakame and tofu.

But Subaru did not get a chance to really enjoy this soup due to the reignition of the tableside conversation.

"Say Subaru, are you going to be on time for school today, with all that went on this morning you're running a tinsy bit behind schedule to make it on time."

While Naoko said this with her own place at the table already cleared she raised her hand in front of her eye and nearly touched her pointer finger to her thumb, adding extra emphasis as she said 'tinsy'.

"Yeah Subaru, wouldn't ya say that all this delicious food would make great fuel to power your brain through a day of learning and socializing at high school, the place adored by those books and shows you like!"

Kenichi swung his arm in front of his chest with all the muscles tensed as he leaned forward a bit whilst beaming Subaru with his pearly white smile.

But Subaru could not be anywhere near as energetic as his parents were about going to school, he could not possible be as his anxiety had risen to the level of jamming his heart right into the top of his throat.

All he could hear was his heart pounding, it was so loud that he could no longer hear his parents continued attempts to persuade him to go to school; his breathing becoming shallower and more rapid to match.

He felt his skin begin to grow warmer and warmer until he could feel himself starting to break out in a cold sweat, he could not stay here and listen to talk about going to school any longer, it was like his anxiety was going to tear him apart.

"I'm not going to school, I'll go back upstairs and sleep until noon."

Subaru chocked these words out though a throat that felt so tight that he was slightly surprised he could even talk.

He left behind his nearly untouched miso soup as he stood up from the table and nearly sprinted out of the room leaving his parents sitting at the table in silence, their faces with an expression that was a mixture of surprise and disappointment.

Subaru walked as quickly through the hallway as possible, he wanted to feel safe, if he could just make it to eight thirty then it would be too late to be there on time, then he would not have to worry about going since there would not be a point anymore.

But his walk was stopped by a wet and squishy feeling underneath his foot, he had stepped on a wayward pea that had managed to roll its way all the way from the kitchen to where he stood at the base of the stairs.

He lifted his foot and looked at the green splattered gunk that now was both all over his heel as well as the floor. It was the remains of the pea, a pea that had through a circumstance unlikely of its choosing found itself diverted from the course of its original purpose of being eaten to another far sadder path of being crushed, scrapped off, and then eventually thrown away into the garbage can.

Once in the garbage can the pea would eventually find itself in the dump where it would sit and rot away into the dirt, only to eventually begin again when life inevitably sprung from its remains. Although in appearance this path did not seem much worse than what could have been, in fact from a superficial view it may even appear better, but if one considered all they knew then they could determine that this path was far worse for the pea when compared to what it would have achieved if it had been eaten.

One should also consider the separation the pea endured, there was no guarantee that Subaru would throw the portion of the pea on his foot out in the same way that his mother would end up throwing away the portion on the ground when he inevitably left it for her to find.

This would mean that the two parts of the pea could follow a separate path to the same destination, the different bins that they are disposed in could be emptied on different days, leading to them ending up in separate landfills. However in the end the two parts of the pea would rejoin the earth and therefore experiencing their intended fate together just as they had begun it.

Should the pea have been eaten then it would have had purpose, it would have fuelled a living being by providing energy as it was broken down in a stomach, and as the pea went on its journey it would eventually have found itself reach the same conclusion anyways.

No matter which initial path the pea had found itself on it would always eventually find itself returned to the earth ready to birth life in order to begin the cycle again. Therefore one could conclude that regardless of the path the peas followed they would always arrive at the same fate, whether the path had been one that was enviable, one filled with purpose, or one that was melancholic, devoid of anything as noble as purpose.

Subaru reached for a tissue from a box that sat on a small table at the base of the stairs and scrapped the pea off his foot before hurling the balled up tissue into a trash can in the nearby washroom.

He then proceeded to walk up the stairs, leaving the other part of the pea behind, smeared on the floor for someone else to find and clean up.

However as Subaru walked up the stairs things felt different, he was no longer walking up the narrow, carpeted stairs of his parents home but instead walking up the wide and grand marble steps of the Roswaal manor.

He was no longer wearing the flannel pajamas that he had woken up in, instead he was dressed in the black suit that served as his butler's uniform.

"Are you sure that you are able to carry that Subaru-kun? Rem can carry more of the laundry if its too heavy, Rem could not live with herself if Subaru-kun injured himself due to working too hard…"

Subaru felt like he was looking through a set of long glass tubes, like he was watching the events unfolding as a bystander, except it was a bystander that was looking through the eyes of a past Subaru.

He felt his head turn on his shoulders to look towards the source of the source of the cheerful and caring voice, it was a girl around his own age with a head of blue hair and a maid uniform, Rem. He should have known this from her use o the third person in her speech, but it had taken him a few seconds to adjust to the sudden yet oddly not surprising change of environment.

Subaru could feel a smile spread out on his face as he looked at her, he could feel his body break into a pose where he tried to balance the large basket of laundry on his hip with one hand while flexing his other to try and show off his strength.

"Don't worry Rem I am Natsuki Subaur, I may have been a shut in but I worked out to defend my home, this laundry is nothing compared to the weights I used to lift!"

It felt incredibly odd and out of place to Subaru to have his mouth moving and producing sound to speak in his own voice, yet he himself did not feel like he was speaking.

The voice sounded incredibly proud and excited, those feelings only growing stronger when he saw the girl break out into a smile at what he said, an ear to ear grin with closed eyes, complimented by a slight tilt of her head, a scene that would make anyone's heart melt.

"As expected of Subaru-kun! Rem is impressed with your strength; she never should have doubted you in the first place!"

The two then proceeded to walk up the stairs in high spirits, each carrying a massive basket of folded laundry with both their hands.

"What's the plan Rem-rin, how're we going to handle putting away the laundry once we meet Nee-sama?"

Subaru felt himself once again turn to face Rem as he posed her this question, at this point they were about halfway up the staircase.

"We will meet Nee-sama at her room where we will separate out the clothing and then split up to put them away in the rooms they belong, of course Rem doesn't mind working together with Subaru-kun if Nee-sama doesn't need Rem's help."

"Wait Nee-sama's room? Don't tell me she's been in there laying down there while we were collecting and washing the laundry?!"

Subaru could feel the faked and exaggerated outrage in the voice as his face briefly froze so that his mouth was hanging agape.

At this sight however Ram tried to stifle a giggle, holding one hand to cover her mouth as she easily managed the laundry with a single arm.

"It's just an incredible example of Nee-sama's foresight, to think so far ahead that she is in the perfect position to assist Rem and Subaru-kun; Nee-sama's amazingness blows Rem's mind every time!"

Rem was a beacon of pure admiration as she spoke of her sister's greatness, this admiration was so thoroughly ingrained in her that it thickly laces her voice to the point that it was the only emotion that one could pick up from her.

By this point the duo had reached the outside of Ram's room where they were greeted by the pink-haired Oni as she leaned against the doorframe with a certain drowsiness gracing her face, she clearly had been napping up until a few minutes ago.

Ram blinked a few times before eyeing the hamper in Subaru's hands, at which point her entire face slowly contorted in disgust as she realized just what was in that hamper. At that point it took only fractions of a second for her to snatch it away from him, turning her body to shield it from him eyes.

"Perverted Barusu. Using laundry duty as an opportunity to creep all over Emilia-sama's undergarments…Disgusting."

Ram then proceeded to scoff at Subaru while giving him a stare that could only be deserved by the most pitiful and lowly creature imaginable.

"Emilia-tan's underwear is in there?... WAIT NEE-SAMA IT ISN'T LIKE THAT!"

Subaru was in a panicked and panicked state due to the accusations being levelled against him, but thankfully for him Rem came to his aide.

"Don't worry Nee-sama, Rem kept Subaru-kun from having to touch any clothing that could make him uncomfortable, of course if Subaru-kun wanted to get more comfortable around that type of clothing Rem would gladly volunteer her own."

Ram's demeanor changed the second she heard this from Rem, she looked at her sister with a big and bright smile gracing her face as she turned to face Rem, completely ignoring Subaru as well as Rem's slightly concerning statement regarding her own undergarments.

"Thank you Rem, Ram loves you"

Ram said this as she opened her arms wide to embrace her sister, who in turn placed her hamper onto the carpeted floor and accepted her sister's offer of an embrace.

"You're welcome Nee-sama, Rem loves you too!"

The twins embraced for a few seconds longer before separating, at which point Ram turned her head towards Subaru and scowled right at him.

"You better not due anything disgusting with this image Barusu, I wouldn't put it past you. Pervert."

All Subaru could do at this was open his mouth wide and say "HUH?" while Ram smirked devilishly and said her corresponding yet short "Hah."

This was the characteristic banter that defined the relationship of the trio that had grown increasingly close over the few weeks since Subaru had joined them at the mansion. Ram would find a reason to insult Subaru over anything, no matter how small and Subaru would in turn blow up his reactions while Rem would watch with glee from the sideline. No matter what happened between them at this point they would always find a way to make fun out of a jest targeted at another; it was the moments of these that had become some of the most cherished times of the day for the three.

They then walked into Ram's room in order to sort out the clothing on her freshly cleaned floor, avoiding potentially blocking the hallway in case another of the mansion's residents needed to pass by.

Ram's room was kept in pristine condition, the bed was so neatly made that one could call it perfect; the sheets on it were so sharply folded that one may have trouble recognizing that they were in fact fabric and not something more rigid. The pillows were so precisely fluffed that one could see how the surface gently bulged outward all the while being completely devoid of even the slightest sag or wrinkle, making them appear to be as soft as a cloud.

Light gently streamed in along with a cool spring breeze through the open window above her desk, both filling the room with the exquisite morning scent of flowers and dew-soaked grass all the while giving it a cool and natural illumination.

Atop the desk sat a single piece of paper that was anchored down by a paper weight so that it would not flutter off onto the floor as a result of the breeze.

Beside the page was a single quill and an inkwell that stood prepared should a list of supplies need to be formulated, or a letter should Roswaal not be able to find the time himself to draft it.

Even the very walls of the room where in excellent condition, there was not a single speck of dust that could be seen with the naked eye; all of this was a testament to the diligence that the mansions staff showed to their duties.

Subaru turned to close the door so that there would be more space on the floor to spread out the laundry, yet after the soft thud of the door closing he realized something that was out of place, he could no longer tell that Rem and Ram were in the same room with him.

There was neither the sound of their characteristic banter, nor the ruffling of clothing being folded, there was not even the sound of someone breathing.

And it was when he made this realization that the smell hit him, the lingering and unique scent of death.

Subaru began to slowly turn around so that he was no longer facing the door and instead facing into the room once more, and that is when he realized that it had changed.

The walls were no longer pristine and spotless, the paint now appeared to be cracking and flaking off as if it had aged decades in the instant that he had turned away; there was also such a thick buildup of dust on the walls that their former colour had been more or less been completely overtaken by that of a dull grey.

The very air in the room was thick, stifling, and heavy like it had been undisturbed for a significant amount of time, it made it hard to breathe, and even slightly hard to see through as the dust that hung in it was getting in Subaru's eyes and causing them to tear up.

Most of the room was obscured in a thin veil of shadow with the exception of a single beam of light that extended down from a hole in the ceiling that had not been there when the trio had entered. This beam of light illuminated the centre of the room like a spotlight, causing Subaru's attention to become completely fixed on a sight he wished he had never seen.

On the floor stood two skeletons piled up against one another, a few tattered remains of their maid uniforms hanging off their fleshless bones, the odd strands of bright blue and pink hair laying around them, these were without doubt the remains of Rem and Ram.

Subaru felt his legs weaken as his knees began to buckle, his eyes swelled with tears as he found himself sinking to the floor.

"Ram…Rem…"

He managed to mutter their names as he stared at their remains, trying to comprehend the incomprehensible death of his two friends.

His eyes remained wide as tears began to flow down his cheeks, his mouth continued to hang open in shock as he reached his arm out to touch the bones, as if such an act would result in anything meaningful whatsoever.

As his finger touched the jumbled pile, a pile too intertwined to define where one skeleton ended and the other began, a pile too chaotic to tell which were Rem's and which were Ram's, the skulls of the two skeletons suddenly turned to face him.

The jaws of both skulls suddenly fell open and for the briefest of instances Subaru thought he could see Ram and Rem floating above the bones staring at him, but they did not look the way they did just moments ago when the trio had happily working together.

They both wore looks of immense hatred as they glared at him, the look on Ram's face reminded him of one of his first few loops at the mansion, when Rem had been cursed and died in her sleep.

Her pink eyes held enough rage and hatred to set the entire world alight, emotions not missing from her voice in the slightest when she began to scream at him.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT WE ARE LIKE THIS, YOUR FAULT THAT REM HAD TO SUFFER FOR SO MANY DAYS IN THAT PIT, YOUR FAULT THAT REM SACRIFICED HERSELF, YOUR FAUILT THAT WE DIED!"

Beside her sister Rem looked just like she did when she had tortured him for hours during one of the loops where he had believed he was a witch cultist, one of the loops before he had experienced his first mental breakdown.

She bared her teeth as her horn shone brightly, her pupils fully contracted as her entire body trembled in rage, like she was standing before one of the vilest existence on the face of the earth.

"YOU KILLED NEE-SAMA YOU CULTIST, REM SHOULD'VE NEVER LET YOU LIVE, REM SHOULD'VE MURDERED YOU THE FIRST CHANCE SHE GOT. REM WISHES SHE NEVER MET YOU, NEE-SAMA WOULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER OFF IF YOU HAD JUST BEEN LEFT TO BREAKDOWN AND CRUMBLE ON YOUR OWN!"

Subaru could feel the pain in his chest, each word he heard striking him like a knife blow, each one cutting deeper then the last.

He found the strength to move, although he did not know some of the events that the two spoke of as he had no recollection of them occurring in any of the loops up until now, he had only just recovered from his wounds sustained while fighting the mabeasts in the forest he did have a heavy blanket of guilt enveloping his heart, a blanket with an unknown source.

It was this guilt that drove him to beg for forgiveness as words found their way to his mouth that were not his.

"I'm sorry, I did not want it to end up this way, I did not intend for anyone other then me to have to suffer like this…I didn't want any of this…."

But the apology of Natsuki Subaru, if it could even be called his apology if the words he said were not his to begin with, was not accepted by the twins.

They spoke in unison resulting in an eery echo as their voices merged into something that sounded purely demonic.

"THERE IS NO APOLOGIZING AT THIS POINT, SUFFER AS REM SUFFERED!"

"THERE IS NO APOLOGIZING AT THIS POINT, SUFFER AS RAM SUFFERED!"

They shouted the exact same words, with the exception of crying out their sister's name instead of their own.

These words became like a command for as Subaru looked up he saw the horrid amalgamation of bones flying towards him with outstretched hands.

It threw him backwards onto the ground as it pinned him there with its skeletal fingers clasped tightly around his neck.

There was nothing he could do to fight it, while two of its arms strangled the life slowly from him, the other two pinned his arms to the floor.

He could not fight it, there was nothing he could do to resist, he could only lay there and wait for death.

It was a horrid situation to be in.

It was truly melancholic.

As Natsuki Subaru's oxygen starved body began to slowly shutdown his vision began to fade to black, he could still see the amalgamation of bones that was strangling him as well as the Oni Twins standing behind it with their menacing glares of rage.

Things grew darker and darker, contrast melting away from the world to allow darkness to take its place.

Natsuki Subaru was going to die.

Everything was black.

Natsuki Subaru was dead.

Until he opened his eyes.

Natsuki Subaru awoke to find himself laying on his bed with his own two hands gripping onto his throat as hard as they could, a grip that was quickly released, leaving nothing more then a pair of angry red marks on his neck.

Subaru almost immediately found his face contort back as his vision began to blur, his eyes filling with tears, his entire chest heaving forward as he began to cry, all the memories of his journey to Lugunica were beginning to flood back into his mind.

"I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this…. This is so bad, life's so sad, I don't think I can take it anymore. This is just the worst of the worst of the worst, I don't have the spirit to keep going, I can't get up again, I can't keep putting one foot in front of the other anymore….."

Subaru lay in his bed as he began to regret life as he slowly began to sink deeper and deeper into melancholy, a melancholy that was only broken when he heard voices rising up through the floor below.

"Have you seen the letter we got from the school yesterday dear?"

Subaru heard his mother begin to speak to his father, he forced himself to focus in order to listen in on the conversation, yet when he heard the mention of school his breath caught in his throat.

"I haven't, have you?"

His father responded to his mother, which was soon followed by the sound of someone rifling through a drawer, most likely in search of this letter.

"So our sons officially a failure…."

Kenichi did not sound impressed in the slightest after reading the letter, the sheer disappointment towards Subaru was heavily apparent in his voice. Subaru however could not believe what he was hearing, his parents had always been nothing but supportive but now it seemed like they had done a complete 180 degree turn in their behaviour towards him.

"Subaru's flunked out of high school unless he gets a note of leniency from the principal today, should we tell him?"

"There's no point, he's already failed the year and its not like he'd get up anyway….."

They had given up on him, after all he had done to disappoint and scorn them Subaru had finally crossed the line that would lead to his parents giving up on him. There was once a time when he wanted his parents to look down upon him, to view him as the slothful degenerate wastrel that he was, he wanted that because even he knew that it was the only thing that could give him the drive to better himself.

It was terrifying, it brought on a nigh insurmountable quantity of anxiety, but Natuski Subaru forced himself to stand up, he forced himself to don his school uniform which had sat unused in his closet for who knows how long, he grabbed his knapsack which had been hidden behind his desk so he would not have to see it.

Natsuki Subaru was going to force himself to go to school for the first time in forever, even if the anxiety it induced would kill him.

He ran down the stairs as fast as he could and found his parents just sitting in the living room with downtrodden looks on their faces.

"Mom, Dad, I'm going to school!" Subaru shouted enthusiastically as he made his way past the living room and towards the front door.

"There's no point Subaru, it's too late to escape the fate you've committed yourself to….." Naoko said this without even bothering to look up from the school's letter, speaking with a diction that was vastly different then what she normally used.

"Subaru, you're just going to disappoint us more, don't bother, your fate is already set in stone…." Kenichi did look at Subaru however, his face looked so sad when he did so, like he was pleading with Subaru to stay.

These words did not fit his parents whatsoever, he had never expected them to say something like this about him, it was unimaginable, it was a depressing thought to imagine that this is how they would react to him trying to better himself.

It hurt him to hear this, it dampened his spirits, it tried to pull his heart so far down that he could not possibly keep going,

But Natsuki Subaru had to keep going, if he stopped for even the slightest instant it was likely that that the tiny kindle of flame driving him to try and preserve the last thing he had would go out, and if it went out it was likely that it would never remerge.

As an aura the aura of depression that filled the air around his parents began to radiate out like it was chasing after him in order to smother anything that was not melancholy. It surged forth towards Subaru like a torrent, and so he soon found himself running from it as fast as he could as he flew out of the house and towards the school.

He sprinted down the middle of the empty road, there was neither a single car nor person in sight as he ran. The houses and stores that stood alongside the road seemed to be completely barren and devoid of life, like all the people that formerly had inhabited them had simply disappeared into thin air.

But Subaru could not stop to investigate, he had to keep running, he could feel the aura that had begun around his parents chasing him, the melancholy from them had not stopped following him.

It felt like an immense wave that hurtled after him as he ran down the street, it lapped at his feet as he tried to escape it, as if it echoed the sentiments of his parents that it was his fate, that it was something that he could not escape.

He heard the voice of a person whilst he ran down the street devoid of people which lead him to turn to face the voice, one that he recognized all too well.

Naoko sat on a bench alongside an older lady who had no face, the same Naoko who had not left the living room of his house.

No matter how far or how hard Subaru tried to run along the street he did not seem to move whatsoever relative to the bench and the people sitting on it, like they were anchored together so he could do nothing but watch as the conversation between his mother and the lady she sat beside played out.

"So I heard from a little bird that Subaru is being kicked out of school, is that true Naoko?"

There was a sense of genuine curiosity in the old lady's voice as she spoke like this, all the while Naoko seemed to be completely unphased by how she was speaking to someone who lacked eyes, a nose, or even a mouth to speak from.

When Subaru looked to his mother however he could tell solely from her facial expressions that she was completely and thoroughly depressed, like something critical to her life had completely fallen apart.

"Yes it is, truth be told Kenichi and I are embarrassed to call Subaru our son….."

It was the melancholy in Naoko's voice that really hit Subaru, she had well and truly resigned herself to the way she felt, like she and Kenichi would never take pride in Subaru like they had done when he was still a young boy.

Suddenly Subaru felt himself moving forward as his mom, the old lady, and the bench they sat on was consumed in an odd fog that came out of nowhere.

The fog was shapeless and white while being completely opaque, as even the thinnest tendrils found their way around Naoko and the old woman they became completely obscured from view, however they did not react to this in the slightest.

His eyes stung with tears, his lungs ached from running, his heart ached with the sentiments he had just heard from his mother, but he had to keep going.

He felt something deep within him urge him on, telling him that he had to keep running, it brought with it an odd sense of hope that he could still fix everything if he only kept moving forward.

And so Subaru kept running, he kept putting one foot in front of the other as he soon found himself rounding another corner, to find himself looking right at Kenichi sitting alone on a bench.

"Where did I go wrong, what else could I have done…One moment he was a happy little boy and now this….."

Subaru heard his dad lamenting to himself as he sat alone on a bench in the middle of the park, he wanted to run to him, he wanted to tell his dad that he would do whatever he could to be a good son now, that hearing his parents talk about him like that pushed him into bettering himself.

But Natsuki Subaru could not do anything like that, no matter how forceful or long his strides were the distance between them remained constant, he could only watch as his dad's face sunk into his hands as a few droplets of water dripped between his fingers.

And it was after witnessing that, that the same fog that had swallowed his mother emerged to envelop the image of his dad in its wispy tendrils, at which point Subaru was once again forced to progress towards the school.

Subaru kept running as hard and as fast as he could and so he soon found himself standing before the school building that he had been looking for the whole time.

There was a steel security gate which would normally be closed at a time like this, but oddly it seemed to still be open, its thick black bars would not stand in his way and there was no security guard in sight.

After passing through the gate Subaru found himself running across the paved courtyard of the school as he looked up at the massive concrete building covered in an ordered assortment of windows, the white paint giving it a very bright look thanks to the intensity of the sun shining on it.

Subaru ran up the short flight of stone steps that lead to the door before hurling the double door open and rushing through, finding himself alone in the school lobby.

It appeared like a ghost town, completely devoid of life, there was not even the slightest trace of anyone walking through this part of the school as it was in completely pristine condition, not even the smallest speck of dirt to be seen anywhere.

The building did not feel familiar in the slightest, it did not feel like the school Subaru remembered at all, everything just seemed to be a tiny bit off.

He would look to where he expected there to be a window and find it was not there, only for it to be somewhere else entirely, somewhere it did not belong.

There were doors that hung open on walls, behind the door was nothing but another wall, resulting in the door opening to nowhere. There were windows that had walls intersecting with them at the perpendicular, completely obscuring the majority of the view through said window.

This building was not normal, there was something wrong with it, it should not be here and Subaru probably should not be inside it either.

But he had to find the principal, he had to stay in school, he had to escape the aura which he felt to be encroaching ever closer to him. His goals and desires had at this point become completely manic, he was no longer thinking clearly nor properly understanding just how wrong the world had become around him, at this point it was questionable if he had ever been thinking clearly since waking up this morning.

He spun in place while in a panicked state, looking desperately for where the principal might be, where the office or anyone who could help him might be.

He looked around him but every door he saw seemed to lead to nowhere but a wall, he looked harder until he saw one door that was different from all the others, a door on the floor.

This door did not look to be in pristine condition in the slightest, it looked well worn, like it had been used tens if not hundreds of thousands of times, its wooden body that looked so old that it could have been around for hundreds of years.

Subaru sprinted at full tilt towards this door, flinging it open and jumping in to find himself in what appeared to be the school's office.

It was a dreary room lit by nothing more then a single flickering incandescent bulb that hung from the ceiling, in front of him behind a desk sat a platinum haired woman who appeared to be the school secretary, the only other door was directly behind her.

"I'm here to see the principal" Subaru said in a rushed and anxious voice.

The platinum haired woman looked up from the paper she was studying, looking right towards Subaru with her crystal blue eyes, a bewitching and innocent smile spreading across her face as if the words he spoke brought true joy and wonder to her heart.

"The principal…..that's wonderful to hear, it really is wonderful! Go right on in, Principal ****** is expecting you."

The woman's voice was a mixture of rhythmic calm and wonderous joy as she spoke, but when she got to saying the principals name it was like Subaru's brain could not process the words, the sounds that he heard had become so horrendously distorted that he could not make out what the principals name was no matter how hard he tried, a feeling of confusion and disorientation washing over him as he tried.

But the woman gestured to the door behind her the second that she finished speaking, making it clear that she wanted him to proceed as well as that she had nothing more to say.

Subaru walked past the woman, he could feel her eyes watching him as he walked towards the door, a door that seemed incredibly similar to that one that he had used to enter the office, that was the fact that it seemed to be incredibly old and well worn, like it had been used an uncountable number of times.

Subaru gripped the handle, feeling how his hand fit absolutely perfectly into the grooves worn into it from use, the fit was so perfect that it initially surprised him.

But he could not dwell on this surprising fact, so Subaru took a breath and opened the door and entered the room behind it.

The room that he now found himself in was small, uncomfortably so, it was barely large enough for him and the principal to stand in without touching each other.

Maybe it was because of how little there was in the room beside the two of them, maybe it was because of the eery feeling that Subaru felt when he looked at the principal, but Subaru could not help but have his eyes drawn to the back of the man as he looked out the only window in the room.

The man appeared to be exactly equal to Subaru in height as he stood looking out the window, a small glimpse of which was visible over the top of his right shoulder.

All Subaru could see through this small glimpse was a sky filled with swirling shadows, an image that should have caused some combination of wonderment and fear in anyone to see it, but not Subaru.

The scene through the window felt intimately familiar to him even though he could not remember it, he felt that he had not just seen it before, but that he had been immersed in it once. As a testament to the intensity of these feelings it should be noted that he felt this way entirely from the tiny sight he had of a few swirls of shadow.

"So you've arrived Subaru, I would like to congratulate you on how quickly you got here this time, I wasn't expecting our next meeting for a few more years."

There was a fire within the principal's voice, a conviction that seemingly drove him on as he spoke about things with such gravity as waiting in this tiny room for years on end.

"Huh…..I'm just here to ask for permission to stay in school, I don't know what you're talking about…"

But Natsuki Subaru did not have the faintest clue as to what the principal was talking about, not a single word that he mentioned struck a chord within Subaru, he was just pursuing a seemingly innocent goal that had thrown him into a situation that could only be described as somewhere between fantastical and supernatural.

"I'm not surprised that you don't remember or even have the faintest clue as to what I'm saying, those memories were given to me and not you after all."

It was with these words that Subaru took a closer look at the principal, who still had not turned to face him even though they were conversing.

As expected of a principal the man was wearing a suit that gave him a demeanor of professionalism, something that was sharply contrasted by his haircut. The principal's hair was quiet frankly a mess, it looked like it had once been cut close to his head but had been allowed to grow out long and free. It did not appear to be combed to be in any sort of order whatsoever as it was tangled and knotted together, hanging out in all directions. There were streaks of grey amongst the rest of his dark black hair, this man was clearly either somewhat old as would be expected of an actual principal, or he was young and had just been exposed to immense amounts of trauma.

"Uhm, am I in the right place, I really need to start going back to school….."

Subaru once again asked about school which the principal had previously ignored and continued to ignore.

"Subaru, you and I are two sides of the same coin, two peas in a pod, and we still have much more to do, things that are much more important then any more schooling at this point. Life's never normal or easy after you've been sent to an isekai fantasy world…"

The principal continued to speak with such conviction, but also determination; like there was some kind of arduous journey or difficult obstacle coming up that he must steel himself to pass.

What was odd about this however was how Subaru could feel these emotions beginning to swirl inside himself as well, it was a phenomenon that was not the product of some rousing speech but instead one that was seemingly the result of the principles emotions becoming directly implanted in Subaru.

And then there was the fact that he was seemingly aware that Subaru had been isekaied at one point, a fact that Subaru had been having trouble recalling himself since he woke up today.

But Subaru's attention was drawn back to the man as he noticed his posture shifting, as he noticed him slowly beginning to turn around.

And then he saw it, the principals face or more correctly his lack of one, but it was not like the old woman from before, instead it was something far more eery and unsettling.

Where the principals face should have been was instead replaced by a black hole that seemingly had no exit nor bottom, the hole took up all the real estate on his face from just above the bottom of his jaw all the way up to his hairline at the top of his forehead.

The feeling Subaru had felt when the woman had said the principal's name returned but this time in a force about a thousand times greater than before. It felt like his vision was being torn apart as he just stared into the abyss that was this mans face; it was a sensation that was so intense that he began to get lightheaded, the sheer disorientation and confusion he felt beginning to overwhelm him.

Subaru stumbled backwards as he lost his balance, falling to the floor as the principal turned away from him to return to simply staring out of the window.

"We will meet again Subaru, once what needs to be done is done."

The tone the principal used was one of resolve, it would have sent a shiver down Subaru's spine if he had not been currently struggling to stay conscious of the floor of the tiny room.

He looked up at the bland and white texture less mass that was the rooms ceiling as it started to bulge, vibrate, and shimmer as it seemingly started to lose its form. As it seemingly began to unravel before his eyes Subaru felt the aura of melancholy that he had been trying to outrun the entire time since leaving his parents house finally catch up to him.

It got closer.

And closer.

Until it washed overtop of him.

He felt like he was drowning as this incredibly intense aura washed overtop of him, it was like a tsunami had slammed into him before pulling him back into the ocean where he sank to depths that he could never come back from.

He sank deeper and deeper into the ocean, so far that he would certainly drown if he tried to fight the inevitable and swim to the surface. He sank so deep that the light from the surface would no longer reach him, its warm rays would no longer strike his face to provide him warmth within the cold and dark abyss.

And it was within this abyss that the Natsuki Subaru from Japan well and truly died, never to return as long as time remained linear.

What replaced this Natsuki Subaru was another Natsuki Subaru.

Where the previous Natsuki Subaru had been happy this Natsuki Subaru only felt melancholy, where the old him had possessed cherished attachments and relationships this him only saw withered vines that had died long ago.

This Natsuki Subaru was different all the way down to the very core, he no longer battled against the darkness and vileness that had once wrapped its way around him, no longer was he an amalgamation of conflicting values; he was one existence that was whole and uniform, he was now well and truly the Warlock of Melancholy.

He loathed his parents; they had risen his expectations of how happy life would be before allowing him to be slowly degraded and worn away as things had fallen apart as he had slowly moved through life.

Had they never done this then there would have been no ledge for his heart to fall off, they made him happy and then allowed him to fall into melancholy for the first time in his life.

He despised Rem and Ram, they had tormented him throughout his time at the mansion, not relenting one bit until he bent over backwards to please them so they would allow him to continue to live, the thought that he had ever considered them to be close annoyed him, it brought him down.

And then there was Emilia, the half-elf that Subaru had initially fallen for after being saved from some thugs in an alley, thugs that Subaru learned could be dealt with without involving her whatsoever. He had been willing to do anything for her, he had always been nearby to smooth over her mistakes, to die if necessary to ensure that no matter what happened that a good path would always be available for her to take.

And after all that she had abandoned him like a used toy when he screwed up once, while he had never once thought of abandoning her no matter how many mistakes she had made, she had done so to him on the first one.

Every memory from the stretch of time that he was with her depressed him, the idea that he had helped her so blindly annoyed him, the sheer melancholy brought on from the idea of her very existence made him question why he even continued to live on in this world.

In his eyes she was truly the worst of the worst of the worst.

She had become the core of Subaru's melancholy.

Unlike his predecessor his melancholy was not undirected, it was directed and embodied by his past and those tied to it.

Whether this path he walked was one set in stone or one among many possibilities is unknown to anyone without the ability to walk amongst and tweak the threads of time. However what is certain is that from this point forth there was no going back for Natsuki Subaru, his bed had been made long ago when he met his predecessor and he had finally chosen to lie down in it.

As the ceiling above Subaru began to unravel into nothingness as he found that the woman who had let him into the principal's room was standing above him, but instead of the smile full of wonder gracing her face she had a frown that made her face look like it was full of sadness.

"There's really nothing wonderful about this, I'm sorry about this Sensei Flügel, its hard for me to see you like this so it must be horrendous for you. I'll do my best to forgive those who have forced you into this state, but I will take it upon myself to guide you to what you truly desired. You guided me when I had truly lost sight of what life was, anything short of trying to save you from the torturous loop you've trapped yourself in and covered with a fake sense of vanity would in itself make me vain for telling myself and others that I want the best for you. After what happened to Sister Satella I won't allow the only other member of my chosen family to suffer like this."

With these words the platinum haired woman only seemed to be getting sadder and sadder as the world seemed to transform around her, becoming what seemed to be the inside of a fabric covered carriage.

When this happened a wave of fatigue suddenly washed over Subaru's body, like he had been through hell and back and not been given the chance to rest after. His feet ached with such intensity that it if someone were to tell him that he had been walking for many days he would not be surprised. His throat was parched and horse, like it had not known the cool sensation of water since he had started walking, a dull pain pierced through his stomach that made him think that he had not eaten in at least as long.

For his physical body to be in such a condition, to feel so poor only made him feel sad, depressed over the thought of why he must suffer so.

His eyes slowly slid shut before rebounding into a semi-open state as the platinum haired woman continued to look down upon him with worry, it was then that he heard yet another voice that he did not recognize.

"He's awake?! Flügel-san's awake so he's not going to die in my carriage, right Pandora-san?!" The voice that called out was completely panicked as it spoke, and by the fact that it sounded slightly more distant than the woman it referred to as Pandora, its owner must be the one currently driving the carriage.

"Yes Trader Otto, the malefactor that was disrupting Sensei Flügel has settled down and stabilized within his body, however his physical condition is still quite poor so you must get him medical attention once you arrive in the city."

Although Pandora seemed to be upset by the state that Subaru was in, she did not allow it to affect her calm demeanor as she slowly yet diligently laid out instructions for Otto to follow, but not once did her eyes leave Subaru.

"Wait why are you using 'I' instead of 'we', where are you going Pandora, don't tell me that you are leaving Flügel-san with me?! There isn't even anywhere on the Lifaus plains for you to go, the city is the closest place and we're already heading there, you can't possibly be leaving?!"

Otto's voice became very high pitched and miraculously managed to sound even more panicked then earlier, however Pandora did not pay attention to him in the slightest as she instead choose to spoke to Subaru.

"We will be parting once again Sensei Flügel, but don't worry I will use all that you taught me to make sure things continue to progress to the point that we can save you, hopefully Sister Satella will be able to join us because it will be the most wonderful moment of all. So until then please stay safe Sensei Flügel, I will do my best to move things along quickly, much is already in motion."

And with those words Pandora suddenly vanished, leaving not a single trace to suggest that she might have been there in the first place.

"Pandora-san? Pandora-san?! PANDORA-SAN?! WHAAA YOU ACTUALLY LEFT?! Flügel-san did you see where she went?"

Otto was at this point in a full-blown panic as Pandora seemingly disappeared leaving him alone with a very unwell person that he had never even met before in his life.

"Wait never mind that Flügel-san, focus on not dying instead, I'm already stuck with all this oil I can't sell, I don't want to be stuck with a corpse as well….."

At this point Subaru's conscious held an even looser grasp on reality compared to before, he found himself seemingly falling in and out of consciousness as everything would briefly go black before coming into some kind of blurry focus after an unknown period of time, which for him felt instant but almost certainly was not.

"KNIGHT-SAMA, KNIGHT-SAMA, OVER HERE WE NEED HELP!" Subaru heard Otto yell from the drivers position during one of his bouts of consciousness.

"My meager abilities may not be enough but I hope they can prove at least some use in solving your predicament, now how can I help."

The voice that spoke was totally calm, cool , and collected, and despite what it may have said it's owners powers certainly were not meager.

"R-R-R-R-R-R-R-REINHARD VAN ASTREA, T-T-T-T-THE SWORD SAINT?!"

Otto sputtered out the name of the Sword Saint as he was frozen in surprise before managing to collect himself after a few seconds and remember why he had sought out help in the first place.

"I-I-I picked up some travellers on the Lifaus highway on my way here, one of them isn't in good shape and the other disappeared, but please help I don't know what to do if he dies in my cart!"

Otto was practically begging Reinhard to help him as the Sword Saint climbed aboard the carriage to get a look at the state of the passenger in need, but when he saw who it was his eyes widened a bit, however briefly.

"Subaru? Otto, how did this happen, do you know why he is in a state like this?"

The pace of Reinhard's voice seemed to quicken as he knelt beside Subaru and began to examine him in more detail, all the while waiting for Otto's response.

"Subaru? The other traveller he was with, Pandora kept calling him 'Flügel' not Subaru; I don't know how this happened, when I found them on the side of the road, he was already collapsed like this but he wasn't even slightly conscious then."

It seemed that Reinhard's very presence was no longer causing Otto to panic anymore and in fact having the opposite effect, he was beginning to grow just a bit calmer.

"I see…. Normally in cases like this we would bring them to the guard house, but could you please drive up to the Astrea mansion in the city, I'll give you directions if need be."

There was a hint of concern and worry in Reinhard's voice as he continued to intently stare down at Subaru like he was studying him, while Otto drove them in his carriage to the mansion that Reinhard resided in.

---

The room was dark, not so dark that one could not see but sufficiently dark so that one could rest, and that was exactly what Crusch was doing in this room, resting.

She lay beneath the sheets of her bed with her hair sprawled every which way, as she slowly and calmly breathed in and out.

She was lucky to have survived her injuries, if Felix had been even a second slower in rushing to her aide she almost certainly would have perished from them, she was even luckier that her body could be repaired to the point that she could lay like this without being in crippling pain.

Felix had stepped into the room to watch her for a bit, he had to make sure that she was okay, that she was not going to suddenly die and leave him alone once more, he did not known what he would do if he lost her as well at this point. He still remembered having to slowly watch Fourier be worn away by a disease that slowly ravaged his body no matter how hard Felix tried to fight it back.

It was these feelings and memories that had driven Felix to constantly keep an eye on Crusch regardless of how her condition seemed to be improving, he would run himself ragged to ensure that her chances of making ti through these injuries were even the tinniest bit better.

"Here again Felix?"

Crusch's voice was completely calm as she spoke without opening her eyes, but never less it made Felix almost jump out of his own skin as it broke the somber silence that had been enveloping the room.

"You should be sleeping Crusch-sama! If you were following the doctor's orders you wouldn't realize that Ferri-chan was here to check on you!"

Felix tried to deflect the fact that he had been caught checking on Crusch, something that would not be out of place seeing as he was serving as the physician treating her injury and she was his patient, but from the wording she used it seemed that she was aware about how frequent his visits had been.

"You've been 'checking' on me every half hour Felix, at this point that is vastly more often then necessary."

There was not a single hint of anger or displeasure in Crusch's voice, but it gave the impression that she was disappointed in something, but what she was disappointed in was not exactly clear.

"It is necessary Crusch-sama, people with injuries as bad as yours generally die, Ferri-chan is going to take every single precaution to make sure Crusch-sama's recovery goes as smoothly as possible. And if you know how often Ferri-chan has been visiting then that means that you haven't been resting, this isn't good Crusch-sama!"

Felix tried to hide the true intentions of why he had been checking on Crusch so often, hiding his twice hourly checks that had even been occurring throughout the nights without the slightest delay. But it heart his heart to have to lie to Crusch about anything, he had done it once when Fourier had asked him but he could not bring himself to do it again.

"When Ferri-chan saw you so badly hurt on that field he thought that he was going to lose you, seeing you nearly split in half with so much blood everywhere, Ferri-chan was not sure that you would make it… Ferri-chan cannot lose you Crusch-sama, he'll go to the ends of the world to make sure you're okay, even if you are upset or cross with Ferri-chan for it he cannot help it, you're just too important to him."

Felix looked towards the ground as his voice began to fall, strength leaving it as the truth behind his actions began to come out.

Meanwhile Crusch opened her eyes as she began to just stare blankly at the ceiling above her, her face blank and devoid of both strength and anything resembling a positive reaction to her friend telling her how much he cared about her wellbeing.

"Why do you even care so much Felix?"

Crusch said this statement in a fairly blank voice, an empty voice that made her sound like she had given up.

"Crusch-sama!"

Felix stammered in response but before he could get anything more then her name out Crusch cut him off.

"I'm not this great leader that you think I am, I have thrown away every advantage that I, those around me, and those employed by my house. I have led us into a worse position then we were in when the selection began, I have led us into death trap after death trap, I have gotten so many of my own soldiers killed while achieving nearly nothing with their sacrifice. There's no longer any point in following me Ferris, I'll only end up ruining you as well…"

Crusch sounded completely broken as she spoke, utterly and thoroughly depressed as she recounted all the reasons why she was a horrid leader unfit to have even a single follower.

"That's not true Crusch-sama! You have done your best with the situations that you've been put in, nobody else could have maneuvered their way through everything that has been thrown in your path! You shouldn't look down on yourself Crusch-sama, you've done so much, achieved so much, don't throw all that you've done away just because things did not go perfectly, the Crusch-sama that Ferri-chan is used to seeing is a lot stronger then this!"

Felix's declarations were creating a situation not unlike what had happened between two others where one person sank into their own melancholy as they railed about how horrid they were while the other battled against their melancholy by stating how great they were and how their circumstances were not of their own making.

"You seem to view me in a gilded light Ferris, nobody else would ever manage to view this situation as anything other then the product of my own failures, if you could step out of that light then you could realize how unworthy I am of your praise….."

Crusch's analysis was partially a product of truthful self-reflection and partially a product of the depression and self doubt that had slowly washed over her since she had awoken after the battle with the whale had ended.

"Old Man Will was beside you for everything that you're claiming was your fault just as Ferri-chan was, he definitely would've shared the same sentiment as Ferri-chan in regard to what whether it was your fault or not!"

Felix shook his fist as he made his declaration, trying to show his conviction in the statement that Crusch was not in the wrong over what happened.

"I doubt it Ferris, we didn't even manage to find his body, its incredibly shameful for a master not not even be able to show a servetn that level of respect…."

However Felix's declaration did not achieve anything other then reminding Crusch of yet another of her failures, she could not even give someone who had done so much for her a proper burial.

"Ferri-chan would like to think that Old Man Will is at least finally able to rest alongside his wife, her body was never recovered after she fell to the whale…."

Felix noticed that his words had not had the impact that he had wished they had, this alongside the fact that he was reminded of the death of one of his friends led to him uttering one last wish for the Sword Demon in a low voice.

"I think we have to leave for the hearing in the palace soon, could you call someone to help me get dressed Ferris?"

The prior topic of conversation had gradually petered out, leaving an awkward silence between the two which was broken a few moments later by Crusch recalling her only obligation for the day which she had learned of not soon after the events surrounding the whale had been brought to the council of wise men. Crusch Karsten had been summoned in person to further elaborate on the massive carnage that had claimed the life of the kingdoms strongest magic caster, a hero of the last demi human war, and the appearance of someone who's behaviour seemingly defied common sense.

"Ferri-chan doesn't think that you should be going there in your condition, but he will do as you say Crusch-sama…."

With that Crusch let out a sigh as she returned her eyes to their closed state, steeling herself for what was to come.

---

"So Crusch seems to be in an even worse position after the second subjugation then she was goin' into it which is quite frankly an accomplishment in itself, she's probably somewhere near the back of the pack now if I had to guess. Emilia's chances of winning the selection are pretty much zilch at this point with her sponsor kicking the bucket, overall I'd say this result is quite favourable for us, don't'cha thinks so as well Julius?"

Anastasia looked up from the set of bound pages in her hands as she looked to her knight and waited for his response.

"Although I don't think it would be right to take anything resembling happiness or joy from an event that resulted in the deaths of those of such stature as Wilhelm Trias or Margrave Mathers, I cannot deny that the outcome is one that gives you the best chance of winning the selection Anastasia-sama."

Julius spoke in a tone that held hints of sadness in it, unlike his lady who viewed the event primarily as one which would aide their endeavours, Julius saw it as one that had weakened the kingdom overall by a great deal, a weakening that he feared could lead to even harsher times in the future.

"But there's one thing that bothers me about this, there's something missing from the story told here, where'd Natsuki-kun or this Hector end up. We know he survived the fight as he was seen both entering the ruins of the nearby town and then running off onto the nearby plains, but what happened to him after the army lost contact with him?"

Anastasia posed this question to Julius, not just because she valued any input or theory crafting he could provide, but also because of the interest he had taken in their security following the attack on the capital.

Julius had made a point of pouring through any information that was brought in from Anastasia's information network that could potentially shed more light on Natsuki Subaru's power or the activities of the Witch's Cult, all in the name of trying to keep Anastasia safe, lest she become a target of the cult like Emilia had been. Although he had very little success in regards to finding anything in relation to the cult as their activities were so sub verse it seemed that even the cultists themselves lacked knowledge that extended to any part of the cult beyond their own. He had however been able to slowly and painstakingly dig up what seemed to be every available piece of information about Subaru, from when he seemingly appeared in the capital one day without having ever been recorded entering it, to how he had suddenly increased in power to the point he was able to kill an archbishop not more then days after losing his duel with Julius.

When the report had arrived from a merchant who had been paid to carry supplies for Crusch's second whale expedition came in Julius had poured through it, he had read every single line at least thrice before even brining it to Anastasia, and it was the information that he had gleamed from it that started to fill in a few of the holes in the story of Natsuki Subaru. The picture that he saw forming before his eyes from all this investigative work quite frankly terrified him, he had come to the only conclusion that could possibly explain the events surrounding that boy, even if said conclusion might appear as absolute lunacy.

Julius Juuklius believed that the person he had beaten to a pulp in the dual, and the person who had slain the greatest magic user in the kingdom were not one and the same. This individual that had gone by the name of 'Hector' was quite obviously not the same as Natsuki Subaru, he had used some strange power to take the place of Subaru as a cover for his assassination of the Margrave and was now likely to still be at large and possibly preparing to strike again at his next target.

There was also one more piece of information that he had received and purposely withheld from Anastasia, Natsuki Subaru had been seen being brought into the city gates by a grey-haired merchant before being whisked away by Reinhard. Although the second the Reinhard got hold of Subaru it became impossible to continue tracking him, they had managed to have someone follow the merchant and therefore knew that he was at the merchant's guild building at this very moment.

It was the fact that Anastasia read through the report and still decided to ask Julius about Subaru that was causing problems for Julius however, he may believe that it was in Anastasia's best interests to avoid such a dangerous and unstable individual, but he also could not outright lie to his lady to try and divert her attention elsewhere.

"Anastasia-sama, if I may say this, I believe that it would be best for you and the Hoshin company to avoid dealing with Natsuki Subaru. From what I believe with the information that we have, it seems likely that he has been replaced in some fashion by this being named 'Hector' in order for Hector to murder the Margrave. It's quite likely that when you met with Subaru that you were actually dealing with Hector instead of him, until we find out more I would wholeheartedly recommend that you avoid seeking him out lest he end up harming you."

Julius did his best to dodge the question posed at him as he spoke of the dangers of dealing with this unknown factor, but even he had known it to be a longshot to attempt to deflect someone as clever and inquisitive as his lady.

"Julius that wasn't an answer to my question….. It's not like you to keep things from me like this, you definitely know something don't you"

Anastasia put the tiniest amount of disappointment in her voice in order to chastise her knight, Julius had a heart of gold and even the slightest hint of her dissatisfaction with his actions would be enough to get him to feel guilty enough to confess what he was hiding.

"Forgive me Anastasia-sama, I should not be hiding anything from you, such behaviour is wrong of me and unfitting of someone who holds the title of your attendant. I truly believe that you should avoid any further dealings with whoever Natsuki Subaru really is, but I do know a bit more then what was found in that report. Natsuki Subaru was sighted being carried into the city whilst in poor condition aboard a merchant's carriage, he was then taken to the Astrea manor by Reinhard himself. We believe that he still resides in the manor however it is impossible to know for certain, however we do know that the merchant who brought him into the city, Otto Suwen is currently inside the merchants guild headquarters. Although it isn't my place to ask such a question, if I may, why does Natsuki Subaru interest you so much?"

Julius had initially bowed his head when he made his apology, he truly regretted his deceitful actions when he had tried to deceive his lady, and so he had faithfully confessed every last detail in an attempt to make amends for such an error. However unlike him he had followed this up with a question about her motivations, an action unfitting of a knight.

"Check that nobody is outside the door Julius."

Anastasia immediately issued this command when she heard Julius' question, and although it had initially shocked him and stood up to preform the check as requested before returning to his seat, shaking his head to let her know that nobody was listening in.

"Initially it had just been mainly a business interest with the slight hope that his strength could prove useful, exactly as I had explained it before, but then I saw this."

Anastasia then removed a small key from a pocket within the insides of her jacket before she carefully inserted it into a keyhole in order to open a hidden compartment in her desk. From within the compartment she produced a single piece of paper which she handed to Julius.

"The only other person who's seen this is Ricardo because he was present in the room when it was signed, direct yer gaze to the signature at the bottom and tell me if the script reminds you of anything you've seen before."

Julius did as instructed and his eyes went wide when he realized what she was talking about.

"It looks just like how Hoshin wrote…."

The shock and amazement in his voice were very apparent; Julius had always had more then just a cursory interest in history, and one of the greatest enigma's for not just the history of the Kararagi but also Lugunica was Hoshin himself, his diary was written in a script that was indecipherable to supposedly everyone alive today, and here he was staring at someone who had signed their name in that very same script.

"So now that you know that my interests are not something as shallow or childish as infatuation would you be able to take me on a bit of a detour to visit this merchant on our way to the castle today; we won't get anywhere near Natsuki-kun as long as he is with the Sword Saint, but perhaps this Otto-kun could shed just a little more light on things for us.

"We would have to leave right away to ensure that we still make it to the hearing on time."

"Then let's be off Julius-kun!"

The two then rose from their seats, and after Anastasia returned the paper to its hiding place they made their way to a dragon carriage at a brisker then normal pace.