Chapter

I may have not done much since moving here but I had located and fell in love with the perfect spot for meditating. It was a tiny grove located on a ledge near my place. It was high enough that there was almost always a fresh air flow keeping it cool and the smell of the flowers that surrounded it. There were trees that surround me offering protection and the view was simply amazing, like a large portion of the valley opening up before my eyes.

I knew before he stated anything that he was there. I figure he had followed me when I left my house honestly. I knew that to the vampires I would be crazy to take the three mile walk to this ledge just to meditate, but it was worth it. Plus, I was highly fit from years of training and fighting. Just because I wasn't currently on a case, didn't mean that I was just going to let everything I worked for disappear.

"You shouldn't be walking so deep into the wood alone" Jasper scolded as I sat down looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Clearly, I am no longer alone, and I am sensing that you followed me" I said in strange amusement.

"You shouldn't be doing this; you have no regard for your safety" He scolded as I laughed lightly in amusement.

"Haven't you learned that when you tell someone not to do something that it makes them want to do it more?" I said in amusement causing him to sigh "You might as well sit because I am not leaving, I need this more than ever now a days and I won't stop just because you think I can't defend myself."

"Why do you say that?" Jasper said sitting down as I bit my lip looking at him.

"I have recently found out something that makes everything even more complicated, I am struggling on settling on one emotion. Meditating is something that helps with that" I explained not wanting or needing to provide more than that "I think it would do you some good to."

Jasper looked at me with a knowing light before nodding in agreement. I knew that he was wondering if I knew his little secret, I knew them all. I was someone that read souls like most people read books, there was nothing anyone could really hide from me. It was something that led me here, it was something that revealed why I was brought here in the first place. It was something that had me torn so deeply I felt like I was splitting in half.

"How does it work?" He questioned after a moment giving me an out of whatever question he wanted to ask, I was extremely grateful.

"Just close your eyes and relax, you need to clear you mind" I directed smiling seeing his eyes close "Now you need to look within, find the aura that makes you who you are."

I could sense him tensing as if he didn't expect this to help him. But I knew that sensing emotions was something that had the power to rule your life, I knew that personally, but I could control mine. I couldn't imagine how much his powers affected his life, especially with the loss that family suffered. I reached out helping him with my own aura to pull his out. I spend a few minutes as he relaxed surprised at the feel of his own aura. I pulled back when he was doing it on his own feeling a little proud of him.

I knew that most vampires believed they were dead and soulless, neither was true. They had souls, just as all living things do. They also were not actually dead, the constant slow moment of their venom kept them in a frozen state. There were beings that I had faced in the past that were dead, soulless beings. They were terrifying, something out of the movies that most humans enjoyed. But vampires were not like that, they were just as much alive as any other supernatural being.

I took a breath pushing my focus from Jasper to the problem at hand, the one that was the reason for so much pain in my life. Edward was my soulmate and he had fallen in love with someone else. I knew that sometimes that happens, I knew that normally it would not cause such a drastic fallout, but he was fated to be with me. He had angered the fates enough that they took steps to ruin my entire life to bring me here, a small town in the middle of nowhere.

I couldn't wrap my head around it, that the family I was meant to be a part of had allowed Bella to be part of it. The price I had paid for that, was the souls of every single person that ever care about me. I didn't know enough about the situation to pinpoint exactly where it all went wrong but I understand so much more now. I had buried everyone I had cared about for something that I didn't even do wrong. I knew that my fate had changed the moment my mother died in my arms, when she was not meant to. I was only six-year-old.

I was angry at Edward and it showed, it was impossible for not to be. Supernatural beings did not mistake who was their mates. Every single supernatural being knew when they met their mate. Everything about the situation confused me and made me feel like I was not worthy of him waiting for me, I wasn't worthy. It was not a feeling I was used to, being who I was. I knew that I was powerful, and should I ever continue my training, that power would continue to grow. I wasn't used to feeling like I was replaced before I ever stood a chance.

To make matters worse, it was clear that this family felt the need to get close to me because of my natural ability to sooth a soul. I was torn between helping the people my soul wanted to connect with and leaving them in the pain they caused by choosing someone over me. Something that should have been a moment of perfection in my life, would forever be tarnished by the presence of someone else. I didn't even know if I wanted to do this, try to fix this situation, or just let fate do what was ultimately would happen if I refused. He may have lost her, but I was the one deeply and brutally punished for him choosing her.

"Are you okay?" Jasper questioned causing me to open my eyes "You seem upset."

"I am" I said honestly clenching my hands in anger "I thought this would help, but this isn't something that can just go away."

"Perhaps talking about it would help" Jasper offered quietly "After all you taught me how to mediate and it did help me."

"Perhaps" I said in response as he nodded not moving clearly waiting for me to talk "I recently found out something that has been the root of a lot of the trauma I had suffered in the last few years. I am not normal, never have been. If I had been, fate wouldn't have reacted so harshly. But they had."

"I don't understand" Jasper said in confusion as I sighed deeply.

"I know Edward is my soulmate" I said causing his eyes to widen "I know that he married someone else, I know a lot more that you think I do."

"How?" He questioned in a whisper.

"I don't really want to explain because honestly I am not sure I even want to stay" I said causing his eyes to widen as I fought the urge to tear up.

"Explain" He said gently coming slightly closer in an attempt to comfort me.

"I am so completely and utterly selfless, I have given everything" I said gently, and he nodded as I felt the emotion begin to overtake me "He could not even wait for me, he couldn't even see she wasn't his mate. I have given everything and the one thing that was supposed to be mine is now forever shared with the memory of her. I am not sure I even want to deal with that."

"I didn't think of that" Jasper said after a moment as I took a shaky breath looking at the sky.

"I am supposed to fix the balance, but right now I just kind of want to let it take me too" I said honestly as he gasps slightly "I lost so much for that choice. I buried every single soul that ever cared about me, it forced me down the path that led me here. I had to lose everyone in order for us to meet because he wasn't willing to wait for me to begin with."

"Cassia" Jasper said sadly, and I knew he was getting ready to argue for his brother.

"I really don't care about the excuse you are going to give. I am not part of your family, she was. I am aware of how I sound, but I deserve to be selfish with the little bit of strength I have left. I deserved better that coming to pick up the pieces of his family and his heart when his choice just completely and utterly destroyed my entire life" I said standing up feeling my anger getting the better of me, feeling the sadness causing tears to pour from my eyes "I didn't fucking deserve to find myself in this situation."

"Cassia" Jasper said softly taking me by surprise when he hugged me.

"I can't" I whispered brokenly before a sob broke free "It's not fair."

Jasper just held me as I broke down. I can't tell you how long I stood there crying letting out the anger and pain. Years of trauma that I didn't feel until I realized why it was caused in the first place. Years of losing people that wanted to protect me. Years of carrying a weight so heavy that I was moments away from breaking completely. I wasn't sure I could handle this anymore, anything anymore.

"Please don't leave" Jasper said a few moments after I had finally regained control as we sat looking at the overlook "I know that it is not fair to ask this of you, but if you decide to stay, I promise you that you would no longer be alone."

The statement made my head spin. I was so completely and totally overwhelmed. But I knew he was being honest; he was offering a hand through the darkness. He was giving me a support system when I knew that I had nothing left. I stared at him in confusion for a few moments before sighing knowing that he was being honest, if all else failed he would support my decisions.

"I will think about it" I said standing up giving him a sad smile "Thank you for listening to me."

"Anytime" He said gently as we began the walk back home "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure" I said honestly glancing at him.

"Do you know what we are?" He questioned softly but I sensed the slight fear from him.

"Yeah" I said softly as his eyes widen "I sensed that you guys were vampires, and that Jacob is a shifter, a wolf, from the moment I met you all. I knew something was different about Renesmee, but it took me about a day to realize it was because she was only a half vampire."

"You still didn't run" He whispered looking at me in confusion as I chuckled.

"No, I don't have anything to fear" I said honestly in amusement causing him to become confused "I have an incredibly special relationship with souls, nothing can hide from me. I know you sense emotions, Alice can see the future, and Edward can read minds. I know this immediately; your souls are open books to someone of my skill."

"What are you?" He questioned as I looked at him sadly "You won't tell me?"

"Nope" I said honestly walking out of the trees towards my house pausing "I will make you a deal, if I choose to stay you will be the first person to learn exactly how I know all of this."

"Really?" Jasper said in amusement and I nodded "I will hold you to that."

"Good night, Jasper" I said as he is nodding giving me a smile causing me to pause at the door "You are always welcome here Jasper, anytime you need a place to relax."

"I appreciate it" He said softly as I entered my house blinking as he disappeared in the direction of his home.

~Edward Point of View~

"I need to talk to you" Jasper said coming into the house as I frown "I think this is something everyone should know as well."

"Very well" Carlisle said motioning for us to sit as I wondered what was wrong.

"I just spent the past few hours with Cassia, and we have a problem, several in fact" Jasper stated causing me to growl deeply thinking he hurt her "I didn't hurt her."

"Jasper, just tell us" Carlisle stated as everyone looked worried if Jasper was this tense

"Cassia is not only aware that we are vampires, but she is also aware Edward is her soulmate" He said stunning everyone in the family.

"How?" Jacob question recovering first from shock "We have been so careful."

"She stated she knew from the beginning but wouldn't explain because she doesn't know if she plans to even stay at this point" Jasper said stealing the life from me, I couldn't lose her "I managed to talk her into giving it time, but she is so hurt that I am unsure that anything will change her mind."

"I don't understand, why would she leave knowing that Edward is her soulmate?" Esme questioned in confusion as Jasper just looked a little guilty.

"It's because of Bella, isn't it?" I questioned brokenly in realization of something I hadn't thought of, how my true mate would feel about me having a wife before her.

"She feels like her place would forever be tarnished by the loss we suffered, that you suffered" He said causing our mother to gasp "She stated that she feels like she should have been able to be selfish with you, with her mate, and the fact that you couldn't even wait for her means that she was not worth waiting for."

"No" I said brokenly knowing that was not true "I just didn't know; I really didn't know that Bella wasn't my mate."

"But you did" Emmett said taking me by surprise as I looked at him "You said it before, that Aro pointed it out and why they were so against it. You two didn't have the soul connection, but you didn't believe in souls and didn't think of it."

"You also never ever referred to Bella as your mate" Rosalie said sharply "It was a big reason I never tried to get to know her, because you never referred to her that way. But with Cassia, you do."

My head spun with that realization as well, I use to think that it was a useless term. Something that my siblings were comfortable using but I just wasn't. I had referred to Bella with many terms, mate was never one of them. Cassia despite the short time I had spent with her, was my mate. Everything about her screamed to my instincts, screamed that she was mine.

"How do I fix this?" I questioned brokenly after a few moments looking at my family.

"You be honest with her" Carlisle said seriously causing me to look at him in confusion "She is aware of what you are and what this family loss, but she knows nothing about the situations. You need to tell her everything, leaving nothing out. Tell her who Renesmee is".

"She will run" I said in panic "I can't just tell her everything when she wants to leave already."

"But she will know" Renesmee said looking extremely sad "She needs to know everything in order to make a decision. It is her choice, but she deserves to know everything to make the right choice. It would be worse for her to choose to stay and learn later that something was withheld from her."

I knew that she was right, of course she was right. I couldn't help feeling a little guilty though looking at her, the daughter I had with someone that was not my mate. I wouldn't ever wish that I didn't have her, I loved her, but I knew it might be the thing that pushed Cassia away forever. She had every single right to walk away at this point, I had betrayed a bond that was met to be sacred.

I left my family to think on what I needed to do. I knew that there was a fairly good chance that I was going to lose her, I knew that I would never survive that. I had quickly become attached to the woman since her arrival, since she turned my life upside down. Since brought light into my world with something as simple as smiling.

I had been struggling with the acceptance of what she was to me from the beginning out of loyalty to Bella. Now I realized how wrong it was, that it was that loyalty that hurt my true mate right from the start. It was something I couldn't fix; I couldn't change my past. I knew that there was more to the situation than Jasper stated, but he was protecting her. A trust between the two that never existed between him and Bella.

I sighed as I looked at the house knowing she was asleep. I entered her room quietly just staring at the soft figure that was sleeping. My whole body was shattered at the clear sign of her crying on her face, I had caused that. I had caused my mate this type of pain, a pain so deep that she was tearing herself apart because of it. I didn't deserve her, I knew that I didn't deserve her, but god did I need her.

It was a desire that ran so deep that it was impossible to ignore. I knew that with Bella that it had been about keeping her alive and then I fell in love with her. Cassia was different, it was as easy as breathing. It was written into who I was, being everything, I needed to be for her. Every single smile brought me peace, every single spoken word brought me direction, every single breath brought me to life. She was my mate.

It was a term I had once held such deep hatred for and yet that is what she was to me. She was my mate, my reason for existing. I knew that this feeling would deepen if I was given the option. If she would give me a chance, I would spend the rest of my days ensuring that she would never regret it. I would spend the rest of my days striving to be the man worthy of her. I would do anything for this woman. I was willingly letting myself be consumed by the woman I was met to belong to, the woman I had unknowingly betrayed. The woman I prayed would stay when she learned everything.

I needed her. That was one thing I knew that I needed this woman to exist, or I wouldn't exist.