Chapter
I had to admit that being friends with Jasper was something that did bring joy back into my life. He was remarkably interesting to be around and had taken his statement of me not being alone very seriously. It had only been two weeks since my breakdown in the woods, but Jasper came over every single day. I knew there was a connection there, something deeper than I shared with the rest of Edward's family.
With the strange friendship that was building, came another problem. I was terrified of losing him. People that got close to me suffered for it. I knew that I had every single right to feel like this, after all I had been through. I made a promise not to push him away, because I felt like he needed someone that understood him as well. I couldn't quite place it, but I think he needed this as much as I did.
He had taken to hiking with me daily and meditating with me. Then we would either explore the woods or go back to my home to do something. I enjoyed playing chess while he told me stories of his life back in the civil war. I was currently being taught about playing video games, which was entertaining although I sucked at them.
Maybe it was this friendship that led me to agreeing to hear Edward out. Jasper had taken me to the Cullen's house stating that I needed to know the full situation to make an informed decision, that he knew I could handle it. I wasn't so sure that his faith wasn't misplaced.
"Cassia" Edward said giving me a sad look as I refused to sit near him, choosing the further sit in the room.
"Just talk or I am leaving" I said seriously wrapping my arms around myself.
"Thank you for being willing to listen" He said softly, like he actually cared causing me to flinch.
"Thank Jasper, he seems to actually care about me" I said softly glancing at the doorway knowing that while everyone could hear, Jasper was right there waiting in case I need him.
"I will take what I could get" Edward said taking a breath he didn't need looking at me "I will start at the beginning, explain everything to you."
I sat there listening to the tale of how I was replaced in the family. I was a little surprised to find out that his wife was his singer and that he wanted to kill her at first. The more he spoke explaining in detail how he felt towards her in the earlier days made me realize exactly what he did wrong. They way he spoke about needing to fight that instinct to keep her alive, making her more important thirst. I don't think he fully realized that he basically didn't love her, he was obsessed with keeping her alive and assigning her importance that didn't belong to her.
The more I learned, the more I knew how twisted Edwards views were. The way he responded to her, even towards her changing should have opened his eyes. By he was so blinded by the need for her to be kept alive that he truly didn't realize she was not his mate. I knew that I would need to speak with Aro, about his involvement with this situation. He should have stepped in and forced the issue when he pointed out she was not Edward's. If he had done his job towards the balance, I would not have lost everything,
I guess the thing that was most stunning to me was who Renesmee really was to him. He had a daughter with Bella. That information made my head spin dangerously. I knew without a doubt the reason for my pain, for all the tragedy I faced. I knew because I already knew that Edward and I were supposed to have a daughter first. I knew that the future I was spoken about was gone, due to a child that was not supposed to be born. A girl that took on the fate that would have belonged to my daughter.
I sat there a little stunned as he explained the rest of his life with Bella including how she died. I felt so many things at the moment that I couldn't just settle on one. I knew the reason for my trauma clearly now because I had convened with the fates. Their foreshadowing showed me enough to know that there was a child born that shouldn't have been born. I didn't know how to feel, how to react, or how to endure any of this.
"Are you okay?" Jasper questioned coming into the room seeing that it had been a good while and I still hadn't said a thing.
"No" I said honestly seeing Edward's face fall "I just don't know how to feel at all right now. I mean I understand it more now than I did before but there is so many things wrong with that situation that I don't even know where to begin. I mean I understand why you think you loved her, even if you didn't realize what you were doing. I get it assigning her purpose and meaning in order to overcome the thirst. It was so very misplaced and so wrong, but I do understand that angle on it."
"Then you will stay?" Edward questioned looking somewhat hopeful.
"I don't know" I said honestly leaning back and looking at the ceiling "I may understand it, but I just discovered that the price is going to be much worse than I ever thought possible. Bella was the catalyst but Renesmee being born in the problem that caused the Fates anger."
"Renesmee?" Edward questioned with a frown.
"Let me guess" Cassia said seriously leaning forward "She was born on September 11th, 2006."
"How did you know that?" Carlisle questioned coming into the room as I just looked and felt defeated.
"That was the day my mother was brutally murdered by a werewolf years before her time. Since I have buried everyone that meant anything to me, so I went to the fates" I spoke honestly causing them to gasp as Jasper's hand found mine "Fate alluded to something like this, because our first born was meant to be Jacob's mate. When you all made the choice to allow Bella in my place, Edward having a daughter that was not fated was born. Fate couldn't correct it, so they took drastic actions."
"Me?" Renesmee said looking wreaked.
"Yeah, when you were born technically you were still his first born so you become Jacob's mate. It had nothing to do with Bella, it had everything to do with who he was to me. It assigned you a purpose that wasn't part of fate's plan. Fate had to rewrite their plans, causing a domino effect on my life. I mean if I were anyone else, maybe it wouldn't have been so harsh but to miss with the fate of someone of my status is like challenges the gods" I said softly shaking my head knowing this would affect the couple as well "Renesmee, you are not to blame for this and what is done cannot be undone. Both of you are mates, now and forever."
"I understand the situation, the need to love Bella to keep her alive and how lonely you must have been for all that time. I understand that" I said softly looking at Edward "But that one human life wasn't worth the price that I had to pay, what I have lost for that choice. You were selfish thinking that you knew better than fate, you were stupid to believe that your actions didn't have ramifications and I was the one that had lived a life of hell for it."
"Cassia" Edward said brokenly coming before me "I am sorry, I will do anything to make this right. Just give me a chance to prove it. I need you."
"I know you do" I said honestly before biting my lip "But the truth is that I don't need you."
"Please" He said brokenly as I frowned staring at him.
"You can't possibly understand the pain you have unknowingly caused me, the lost that has changed me to the core from the person I was meant to be. I get that I feel the connection, but I know what is like to lose those that I have a connection to. I know how to survive that because it is all I have known because you had to have her" I said softly before sighing "But I am not sure I can absorb anymore trauma and I don't even know if I still need to pay for the biggest problem, I can't even begin to think on that price"?
"Tell me your concerns" He said softly kneeling before me taking my hand "Tell me what you need to say."
I took a breath biting my lip knowing that I could just stand and walk away now. I could just leave before I spoken anything and let fate do what they will to me. The truth was that I was also so tired of dealing with it on my own, of holding onto such darkness that it was constantly threatening to darken me. Edward was still my soul mate and whatever our fate was, it had already changed and there was no changing that.
~Edward Point of View~
I stayed completely still holding her hand enjoying the feeling of it while she was debating in her mind what to. I knew that I had hurt her deeply and I knew that she had every single right to walk away now. I knew that she didn't owe me anything. But I wanted and needed to make this right. I would spend the rest of my days making this right for her.
"I just don't know if there is a point in trying" She whispered softly looking at war with herself and I squeeze her hand gently "I will forever be known as her replacement when it was always my place to begin with. Something that was supposed to be sacred forever tarnished by the past, yours and mine. I will forever be known as her replacement now."
"You won't be" I said softly raising my hand to her face "I guarantee it, you will never ever be seen as her replacement. You are my mate, my reason for existence. I can't change my past, I can't correct this mistake, but I can spend every day for the rest of eternity ensuring you never feel unworthy."
"There are no such things as guarantees" She said softly taking a breath "I learned that painful lesson incredibly young, repeatedly beat into me since. I am broken and filled with pain that tomorrow I could turn, tomorrow it could become too much to bear alone."
"You will never be alone; you will have me and everyone at your side. You are not a replacement; you are where you are meant to be" I vowed honestly thankful to pull her closer when Jasper moved "I will never leave you alone. If you let me, I will shoulder everything for you, just give me one chance."
"I am not sure I can" She said in a whisper "I have lost so much that I am not sure I can trust that anymore."
"I am your mate" I said seriously causing her to look at me confused "I belong to you; I exist solely to make you happy. I can't guarantee that it will be tomorrow or even soon, but I promise you that with everything in me that I will ensure you will be happy. It's not you that has to do anything, I made this mistake, and I will be the one that has to fix it. Let me prove to you that you are worth it".
"Am I?" She said so brokenly that it torn me to pieces as I raised her face to face me.
"I may not know much about you, but I know you are amazing. You don't ever see how incredibly special you are" I said honestly running my figures down her face "You are worth so much more that I have to offer, you deserve so much more than me. I am unworthy of you, I know that. I will fight every single day to be the mate you deserve, to be the person you need in your life."
"I don't know" She said shallowing thickly glancing at Jasper as I forced myself to ignore the jealously.
"You can run, or you can allow him to fight for a chance a happiness. You wouldn't have anything to prove, he is just asking to prove himself to you" He said slightly as she is nodding taking a breath 'If you hurt her Edward, I will kill you.'
"One chance" She said seriously taking a breath after a moment filling me with hope "I can't guarantee that I won't run or trust you right away, because frankly it seems to be my default nowadays. I will give you a chance to prove to me that you honestly care but if this fails you have to let me walk away."
"You will not need to" I said softly pulling her into a hug careful of her human body as she tensed before relaxing "I will strive to ensure you do not regret giving me this chance. I will do anything you need me to do."
"It will not just be Edward" Carlisle said taking both of us by surprise "We all care for you and will spent time showing you that you are meant to be part of this family. We all want you here, not as a replacement, but because you do belong with us."
"I am willing to give it a try, just because they would not have died for nothing" She said seriously as I frowned looking at her "But I am not going to change who I am just to try to fit into her place, one time I hear that I am being compared to her and I am gone. I don't care about dying, at this point in my life I would welcome it."
"There is no comparison" I said seriously breathing in her scent "You will see that you mean the world to me."
"We would all like the same opportunity that you have given Jasper" Alice said looking a little put out "I know that you two are close, but we want to all get the chance to hang out with you and show you that you mean the world to us."
"I will make time for you all, but Jasper is my friend" She said seriously as Jasper smiled and I felt another surge of jealously at how easy it was for him "I will continue to spend time with him as well."
"Of course," Jasper said in amusement "I wouldn't dream of canceling plans on you."
"Good, then I expect to see you at sunrise for our walk" She said poking him in the chest as Jasper chuckle.
'I adore that she is not afraid of me' He thought in amusement of the tiny human girl as he ruffled her hair.
"I will be there little light" He said causing her to smile brightly, easily unlike with the rest of us now a days "Perhaps Emmett can come over after we get back, maybe you could beat him at a video game."
"Hey! No fair!" She said with a pout causing him to chuckle as he hugged my mate as I attempted to withhold the growl.
"Game on" Emmett said in excitement as she gave him a small smile 'Cool, a chance to get to know little sis'.
"Okay, I will see you tomorrow" She said taking a breath and looking at me as I fought the urge to drown in her deep ocean like eyes "You can come over tomorrow after my walk with Jasper."
"I appreciate the chance" I said honestly pulling her into a hug relishing in the feel of her in my arms.
I could feel she was uncomfortable in my arms and I hoped that would change one day soon. I adored her and I would show her everything she alone made me feel. I knew that I had so much to make up for. I watched as my mate left the house with Jasper knowing he would get her home safe. I knew I had to be patient and gave her trust; it was the only way for her to accept the connection between us.
I sighed turning away from my family in order to think on some of the things I learned today. I knew that I had messed up, never expected it to cause her so much pain. I was someone so unworthy of my mate, the angel from heaven that she was. I knew that, I knew now that I felt the emotion rapidly growing for her was much deeper than anything I ever felt for Bella. I just had to show her that I was an idiot, that despite my mistakes that I would love and cherish her forever.