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Long chapter alert! Cute Sam and Jack scene alert! Hope you like :) .
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"It is unwise to vehemently protest your child's choices, it only cements their resolve to oppose you." Teal'c said, holding the milk bottle for Gracie, who was hungrily gulping it down.
"I know." O'Neill took a few steps, sliding his hands into his pockets and sighing. "I just never thought I'd go through this again and I'll be honest, T, I am not sure what to do."
"What are Laura's expectations?" The Jaffa asked.
"We haven't talked about that. We agreed there were more important things."
Teal'c watched O'Neill eyes land on Carter, stay there a significant amount of time and then look at him again. He understood what the general meant.
"Have you spent a lot of time with Ray'c before you joined us?"
"No. I was accompanying Apophis most of the time."
"Why the sudden fascination with caring for children, guys?" Carter asked finally. She listened to their conversation, but couldn't make heads or tails of it. Earlier she was hastily plonked on the operation table in the middle of the room, so she could stretch her limbs and do her morning exercises. She was getting better, but every morning her body reminded her she was not hundred per cent okay. When she awakened, she felt sore and stiff, and if she tried to change her position too abruptly, she was hit with burning ache. So there was a great need for a light morning routine to prevent that.
If she was able to see, she would have noticed Teal'c shooting an inquiring look in O'Neill's direction. The Jaffa knew this was not a question he himself should answer. It had to be O'Neill's decision to share the news.
"Oh yeah, Carter. There's been some development." He cleared his throat, visibly unsure of how to phrase the following sentence. "Laura…" He faltered at the last minute, sighing. "She is my daughter."
"What did you say, sir?" Carter's intonation showed great shock. She stopped moving and just laid there quietly. O'Neill could see her chest rising and falling as she waited for his response. Oh, how he understood the confusion she was feeling!
"Apparently some Asgard used my genetic material to… make, you know, to study…"
"I understand, sir." She used her hands to prop herself up to a sitting position.
"Hey, Carter, what did we say? Slowly and carefully, remember?" He laid his hands lightly on her shoulders, noting to himself how tense she was. Was it because of the topic of discussion or was she not feeling that great? "You should probably lie down for a bit."
"No, I am fine. How are you feeling, sir?"
"I'm good, Carter."
Her brow furrowed and she caught her lower lip between her teeth. Still she remained quiet. He almost laughed at her good soldier attitude, but just about managed to suppress it. It did feel like they just met, though, which terrified him. She was incredibly perceptive and could tell he wasn't fine just by his tone of voice, but didn't dare to say so.
"Wanna get something to eat, colonel?" Recently he really made a point of calling her by her rank, so she got used to it. He needed to remind her of the memories that escaped her. He needed her to know that they shared a past.
"Yes. Thank you, sir." The downside was her addressing him in the same manner.
"Alright, let's get you into the wheelchair." He said, slipping a hand under her knees.
"Sir, I'd like to try to do it on my own this time." She threw her legs over the edge of the table and left them dangling in the air as she prepared to stand up.
"Okay, but I am here if you need me."
"Thank you, sir." Her hands gripped the table tightly and then she raised herself from the table onto her feet. It took her a minute to slow her breathing to appropriate levels. She could feel the general standing somewhere near, shifting his weight from one foot to the other occasionally.
"Nice work, but I'll help you now." He took her under her arms and directed her to the right. "Come this way. Only one step. And now, let me…"
She felt herself being lowered into the chair, with him taking great care not to hurt her as always. When her back touched the chair, he extracted his hand, brushing gently against her body. It caused her to shiver a little, the contact sending heat waves through her body.
He seemed to notice something had happened because he froze for a moment before taking control of the wheelchair handles. He had to lean down to her level, because she felt his breath tickling her neck when he spoke. "And there are doughnuts, Carter. Doughnuts!" He sounded excited and she began to wonder if he maybe looked forward to the breakfast more than she did. But she enjoyed spending time with him even when she wasn't hungry or able to eat doughnuts, which probably escaped his mind.
Of course he also could have been occupied with thinking about his daughter. Part of her still couldn't believe he had a daughter, even though she knew he'd be a great dad. It was a pity both Laura and the general went years without being there for each other. He must have regretted that, even if it wasn't due to his choice.
And then there were all the memories it must have brought up, memories of his son that he lost so tragically. She knew he never stopped blaming himself, but merely got better at learning to live with the guilt.
"And here we are, Carter. I reserved the best seats in the whole place for us."
She let out a giggle and it made his heart jump. He loved to make her smile, unfortunately there weren't many opportunities lately. He pushed down the brake on the wheelchair with his foot, making sure it wouldn't move and went to check the food options.
A lot of new things were added to the fridge after he left the kitchen before, as a new father. He wasn't sure what he could offer Carter and since there were some boxes with her name on it, she probably couldn't have just anything. Oh, he forgot.
"And how do you feel about some juice, Carter?"
"That would be nice, sir."
He picked a bottle with a picture of an apple on it and poured it into a cup. Then he rummaged around for something else than soup, but found just that with Carter's name. They all looked the same so he took one and put it on the kitchen cupboard.
He handed the cup to Carter, making sure she held it firmly before he let go.
"Thank you, sir."
"Think nothing of it, Carter. And there is some delicious soup in your future, too."
"Don't worry about me, sir. Prepare your meal now."
"Yeah."
He watched her take a sip of the juice and then lick her lips slowly. "Mmmm, that is good…"
Glad she didn't see the look painted across his face, he grabbed his plate from earlier and headed to the counter again. He probably should choose something a little bit healthier than doughnuts this time.
"So, Carter, how are you feeling today?"
"Not bad, sir. I'm hoping to get some more exercise after breakfast. And Laura said she'd prepare some of my old reports. Just some I'd written about the missions I already remembered to see if it helps my memory."
"That's a good idea. I'd be happy to read them to you."
"Thank you, sir, but I think Laura's working on making audio versions."
"Oh, so you will probably have Thor reading to you? That's cool." He moved his chair closer to Carter before sitting down. He saw her flinch when she heard the movement. "Relax, it's me."
"I know, I just cannot get used to this." She laid her elbows on the table, her voice strained ad her lips quivering.
"Carter, you'll be fine. You don't have to get used to this." He looked up from his ham sandwich to meet her sad face. With her beautiful blue eyes unfocused, pointing at nothing in particular in the distance, she appeared so much more vulnerable than he ever saw her before. He wished he could just scoop her up into his arms and help her chase away the blues. He would hug her tightly, press her against his chest and whisper how everything was going to be okay and how he'd always be there for her.
There were dark circles under her eyes and she did not even try to look attractive, but he couldn't take his eyes off her. She was slightly uncomfortable all the time, having to rely on people she barely recalled knowing. Sometimes he had trouble acting like himself when he was aware of all the memories she was missing, but he made an effort not to treat her differently or be overly cautious. She needed to experience the real SG team dynamic to get a feeling of their shared past.
"I hope so." Carter finished the last of her juice and pushed her cup a few inches away from her.
"Carter, I know in your mind we hadn't known each other for so long, but if you ever need to, please talk to me. We've been through hell and back together over the years."
"Thank you, sir." She gave give one of those megawatt smiles that he loved.
Oh boy, she was so mesmerizing. No matter how tired she was and no matter what she was wearing, to him she was perfect. It wasn't just her appearance, the tall slender figure, her big blue eyes and long blond hair. It was how unaware she was of her beauty, always dismissing people when they paid her a compliment and how easily she blushed when they discussed personal life. She was incredibly loyal, caring and strong, unbelievably brainy and courageous. He never met anyone like her.
He swallowed mouthful of his sandwich and watch her fidget in the wheelchair. She must have been bored out of her mind without any of her technological thingies to play with, any problems to solve.
"I mean off the record, you know. As friends." He clarified.
"It means a lot, really. I just feel so confused by everything, I don't know what to talk about." She hid her face into her hands and exhaled loudly.
"Elaborate."
She let her hands fall on the table surface, her fingers caressing it as she appeared to be deep in thought. "Lately my memory started coming back only in little fragments, sometimes it's a face, other times a sentence or a scene. I get frustrated because I can't usually place it and it doesn't feel like progress. It doesn't even feel like my life anymore."
"Carter, I am so sorry." He put his hand over hers, feeling her tremble. It was breaking his heart to see her like this.
"Missions go fubar. It happens. It's not your fault, sir." She said, her tone kind and sweet.
"I don't know what exactly Laura's told you, but actually it is." He wondered how she'd react. Would she hate him for it? He was the reason she was blind and in a wheelchair on an alien spaceship somewhere in the universe. "Because of my report, Laura wasn't provided with your whole medical history and therefore injected you with medicine that almost killed you. It mixed with the substance left by Jolinar and turned into poison."
"Oh." Her pink lips formed a little o and her face went blank. It was the cold expression of a soldier he knew too well. He felt her hand tense against his.
"I am sorry." He offered again, trying to get her to say something.
"I-I don't think that makes it your fault either." She said finally.
He released the breath he wasn't aware he was holding, grateful beyond belief.
"I was in charge, everything is my fault."
Her quickened breathing echoed in the room as she put took his hand into hers. Her movement was slow, uncertain. First she turned the hand he was holding palm up and then slid her other hand along the table. "Now that is just silly, sir. Going through the gate is always risky. Even a great leader like you cannot eliminate it entirely."
Warmth spread through his body, radiating from where she was touching him. "I'm a great leader, am I?"
She could tell from his voice he was smiling. She lightened the grip on his hand, lightly running her fingers cross the back of it. "I haven't forgotten everything." She giggled, but then her face turned serious. "Somehow I know I can trust you."