I do not own anything. If you recognize it, it is not mine.

Sorry for the delay, I somehow managed to f-ck up setting in my computer and now my favorite browser can be used only full-screen and I have to use keyboard to operate it. It's been difficult two days… I know somewhere in the setting I can change it, but the Uni IT department didn't know and I don't remember, so I'm going crazy here!

Thank you for your reviews. Maybe elaborate a little, sometimes I have no idea what you're trying to say :) .

Be well.

"You just ate, Carter, calm down. Let's leave the exercise for later."

"Yes, sir."

He noticed she went back to calling him sir after they shared a moment. "I mean my company cannot be that bad. Is it?"

She smiled at him, or at least where she approximately thought he was. "Of course not, but I'm getting impatient. The only other alternative for me is sitting around. There's nothing else I am good for at the moment."

"That's the biggest nonsense I've ever heard." He leaned forward, closer to her, and lowered his voice. "But we do need you to concentrate all your energy on getting better, so unfortunately for the time being it's all you're allowed to do."

She nodded, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her left ear.

"So, Carter, tell me about those mini-flashbacks you've been having. Any one of them you feel comfortable talking about…"

She swallowed hard, taking her time with the response. "I remember seeing a scared little girl, maybe 9, 10 years old, with long fair hair. I think her name is Carrie or something similar."

"That was probably Cassie." He said, contemplating how the time flew by. Cassie was so grown-up now. Then he remembered he was supposed to inform her about some context. "She was the lone survivor on a planet we traveled to watch a black hole. The Goa'uld killed everyone else and implanted a bomb inside her, knowing we wouldn't just leave her there."

She parted her lips and sucked in a breath as her forehead furrowed.

"Yeah, it is a horrible story. It seemed impossible to remove the bomb and apparently Teal'c has heard about an instance when an explosion was connected to gate travel. Cassie's condition deteriorated when she got close to the gate, so we drove her away from it. Now there's an abandoned nuclear facility near the Cheyenne Mountain…"

He remembered the twenty minutes ride there, watching Carter hold unconscious Cassandra on her lap. Then seeing her carry the little girl through the corridors. The whole time he thought about taking Cassie from Carter knowing how heavily the situation weighed down on her, but he squashed his thoughts down. Carter was a soldier just like him, she knew there was nothing they could do and accepted it.

After all, it was her who suggested someone stayed to check out the eclipse after the initial survey of Hanka. She also looked absolutely terrifyied when Cassie grabbed her arm, not wanting to let go. Her blue eyes got really big as she pleaded for help, any sort of help. It really surprised him because if anything Carter would be great mother in his opinion.

"Oh, I remember being there." She interrupted him, her voice growing even sadder.

"I offered to do it, but you insisted on taking her underground yourself. She woke up in the elevator in your arms."

"God, that's why I remember her scared. I was the one who led her to where she died." Her voice was a mere whisper now and if she didn't turn away from him, he would see tears trying to make their way down her cheeks.

"No, jeez, Carter, she's alive." What an idiot he'd been!

"What?" She turned swiftly towards his voice, forgetting about the tears that were now freely flowing down her face.

"I probably should have started with that, huh? I am sorry, but my memory of this is clouded by your actions." He barely resisted the urge to brush away her tears. It's always been so hard for him to watch her cry, because he knew how resistant she was to be seen without her soldier persona. Therefore her tears always meant pure horror.

"What did I do?"

"You went back to stay with the girl, disobeying direct order." He was aware his voice went cold and flat right then, but he couldn't talk about this without trying to keep his distance. When he had tried to get her to leave Cassandra, at some point he even called her Sam. He almost never got to do that, but being sure she was about to die made him completely oblivious to such little things as protocol.

"She told me she loved me…" A look of understanding flashed on her face, obviously she was remembering as they talked.

"I know. We talked about what happened before you handed in your report."

"Must have been quite a conversation, sir…"

His throat tightened as he saw her expression. He swallowed with difficulty. She must have feared the incident made him doubt her abilities. Nothing could be further from the truth. He admired how she never gave up, no matter what was happening. That was the same spirit that made her focused and committed in dire circumstances. The same spirit that compelled her to hold her gaze as they were freezing to death. She was so much better than him in so many ways. She was smarter, kinder, had more integrity and was more compassionate, beautiful, generous and caring than him.

Remembering she was waiting for his response, he berated himself for being silent for so long.

"It wasn't really that bad. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. You said you knew it would be okay, because her health was improving as she was getting away from the gate."

"Did I?" It was usually him who had hard time expressing emotions, but right then it was her face that was a mask.

"I didn't ask. You couldn't have been absolutely sure, I know that. And when we were talking, I was still pissed off at what you pulled. It was gut-wrenching to wait for the explosion on the surface with the guys." He let his cool slip away there for a moment. He would never admit that to her back then.

"Sorry." She said quietly, closing her eyes and sighing.

"No. Look, I understand." He blurted it out quickly, trying to reassure her by softening the tone of his voice and by lightly touching the back of her hand that laid on the table in front of him. "I understood even then, but you were my responsibility and you could have died."

"It must have been awful."

"We've gotten through it. Cassie got a dog and Janet got a daughter, life went on."

She nodded, but he noticed how she hesitated before speaking again. He wondered whether she remembered more or whether there was anything else she wished to discuss. Seemingly she decided against it, at the last minute going to a different place with the conversation.

"Speaking of animals, do I have a cat?"

"You had. Was called Schrödinger, I think. You gave him to an alien who was infatuated with you." To say the least, he thought, that alien guy worked fast. Daniel had told him about the kiss he interrupted.

"Oh."

"You'll remember. I mean I don't remember much, but that's because I'm old." His quip earned him a sweet chuckle from her. "You and Daniel have always the brain of the operation."

"You're not old, sir." Her lips turned into a kind smile, followed by another chuckle.

Feeling her hand tremble under his touch, he realized he was clutching her rather tightly. Embarrassed and not sure what to say to explain, he remained silent, hoping she would eventually say something else. Apparently the silence was awkward for her too, because she didn't wait too long.

"I think I remember seeing a ginger tabby cat once in my dreams, so..." She only said it for the conversation to continue and then there was nothing more to add all of a sudden.

"Y-yeaah. That is probably him." He straightened his back, feeling a bit off. Then he looked at the woman sitting oh so close to him and thought how tired she had to be since she was still recovering. They should have been back in the infirmary by now. Laura was probably going to call them soon. Since when was he so easily distracted? It was like he was hair away from emotional turmoil these days.