Hello,

Ahh thank you so much for your reviews! Sorry that I've taken so long to post this chapter, life got in the way as it does. I won't leave it so long next time!

So, you may notice from now on that the dates have gone from the chapters, if you ever wondered why I did that it was mostly to help me to keep track of Rachel's pregnancy.

Okay so Rachel and the baby are safe (I think I'd have been in trouble if they weren't!), but what about Adam...?

I hope that you enjoy,

Becca x

Clean Break

Eddie considered himself to be a father of three. Three beautiful, brilliant boys. Except, when it would crop up in conversation, whilst exchanging small talk down the pub or during workplace introductions, he would always refer to himself as a father of two. It was easier that way, he could brush over the trauma of it all- not allow it to dampen the mood. Only, when the conversation then moved on, to football or to the price of a pint, Eddie would still be thinking about Stephen. The son he didn't speak about.

Because other people would not understand. It was ineffable; a pain too hollow to put into words. He could not describe how he saw an empty space in each photograph that Alison would send him of Michael. Whether it be him winning an award at school or smiling goofily on a beach, the missing presence of his twin always stuck out painfully.

And so often, he would be reminded of Stephen. When he'd see a look of him in Charlie, or when he'd be telling Shona and Rhona Mansfield to stop singing for the twentieth time and catch himself watching the way that they finished each other's sentences. Wondering whether his twins would have been the same.

Life was usually so busy that he didn't have time to stop on the thought- to really feel the pain, because life was full of distractions. But new life, the arrival of a new born, that tended to shake him in a way which he could not ignore.

When himself and Alison had become parents, it had been so daunting at first. Every day was a learning experience and then just as they found themselves getting into the swing of it, their world fell apart. Every routine that they had formed had been for two children, and when they were left with one, Alison took the reins. In hindsight, that was understandable, but at the time Eddie had felt redundant. Like a spare part that was no longer needed.

It meant that when Charlie was born, he wanted to be as involved as possible, and unlike Alison, Melissa had been more than happy for him to spend every hour that he was not working looking after Charlie. Not that he could focus on his job at the time. It was not just the lack of sleep, it was the dread that had consumed him ever since he had first held a new born Charlie in his arms, an overwhelming fear of losing someone else that he loved.

This time, it was different. As he nursed the little girl that he so hoped was his daughter, he felt surprisingly calm considering yesterday's events. This time, he had already faced the nightmare. He had almost lost Rachel and the baby, but despite everything they were still here, and so he could find some peace in that.

It was only as the sunrise began to glisten through the slats in the blinds that Eddie realised that he had almost gone a full day without sleep. Whilst gently lifting the baby to his chest, he wandered over to the window, tilting the blinds ever so slightly to allow the amber glow to flood into the hospital room.

"Your first sunrise," he softly noted to the infant; keeping his voice to a whisper so that he would not disturb Rachel. "My dad used to say that each sunrise was a chance to start afresh. To forget about yesterday and make the best of today." He fondly recalled, before adding, "He wasn't always that wise."

"My dad, he wasn't perfect but he was a good father. Him and my mum, they always made us feel loved. I know I might not be your dad but whatever that test says, I'm going to love you just like I love Charlie and Michael- and Stephen. Me and your mum, we're going to give you the best life we can, I promise you that."

Previously, he had told himself that he would not do this. He had been determined to not become attached to the idea of becoming a father once more. But now, as the infant looked up at him with eyes so much like her mother's, he knew that it was too late. In fact, he had known it in the first moments of meeting her, when he had witnessed her strength and felt an overwhelming sense of pride. Felt that instinct within himself to protect her, just as he felt for his sons, just as a father would.

Everything had changed. Eddie no longer thought of himself as a father of sons. How could he, when he already felt as though he had a daughter?

"Well, this isn't how I expected us to start the Easter Holidays." Eddie remarked whilst sealing the swabs from the paternity test into an envelope. After miraculously managing two hours sleep on the wooden chair beside Rachel's bed, he had headed back to the house (with an aching back) earlier that morning to fetch the test.

Rachel didn't respond immediately, keeping her cheek nestled softly against her sleeping daughter's head as she doubted whether she should have been so insistent last night about doing the test. "This is it," she breathed out, "Once we send it off, that's it."

Eddie sighed, popping the envelope to one side before perching himself on the end of the bed and reminding, "You know it doesn't change anything, not for me."

Rachel hummed, but her eyes could not quite meet his, because she knew that he didn't mean it, not really. It was blindingly obvious that he was already bonding with the baby and that whether he knew it yet or not, the result would change everything; one way or another.

She shook her head, as if to dismiss the subject. "Have you spoken to Kim? I really should thank her for looking after Charlie last night and dealing with the school-" she stopped, her free hand clutching her head. "Oh God- I had a call with the LEA scheduled for yesterday after lunch-"

"Rach," he hushed her. "You're in hospital. You've had major surgery- a baby. Please, can we leave the school for today?"

"Fine, but I'm going to have to sort it out at some point. There was so much that I needed to get done yesterday- and I've left all my stuff in the office," she tutted at herself.

"Rachel." he stopped her once more, shaking his head at her this time. "I've already spoken to Kim and I'll speak with the LEA first thing Monday morning. I will deal with everything. There's nothing for you to worry about so will you please just focus on getting better. You need to look after yourself, if not for me, then for her," he nodded to the infant.

"You're right. I'm sorry, I just- I need a distraction. I feel useless, lying here. I can't even pick up my daughter by myself. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"I know things seem to be going the opposite way to how we planned but you're both here, you're safe. Can't we just focus on that for now?"

Focus was something that she was severely lacking right now. Coming to terms with yesterday's events was enough of a struggle and so the uncertainty around Adam's condition and the upcoming paternity results were definitely not helping with her restlessness. But of course, she knew better than to bring up the subject of Adam.

"Okay," she conceded. "But will you promise me that you'll keep me in the loop with the school? I mean it- I really do need the distraction."

"I promise."

Rachel was not the only one who needed a distraction. Yesterday, in those heightened hours spent consumed by dread and adrenaline, Eddie could only focus on the safety of Rachel and the baby. But now that the shock and relief had begun to settle, a new feeling came over him, rising from his chest and into his jaw until he had to rub his chin to ease the tension.

Eddie had never wished anybody dead before. How could he wish that on a family when he had been so well- acquainted with grief in the past? He almost hated himself for thinking it, but it didn't stop him from doing so. How could he not believe that they would all be better off without Adam?

They had spent months dealing with his petty tactics during the divorce and his endless threats about the baby and the house. So much joy had been sapped out of Rachel's pregnancy because of Adam, and as if that was not enough, he had then put both of their lives in danger. Not that Rachel could see that. It baffled Eddie to watch her lay in a hospital bed, fretting about the man that had put her there. In fact, it frustrated him, because he knew that if Adam did come round, he would most definitely find a way to make himself the victim.

Eddie had managed to keep a lid on his building anguish until a nurse came in to update Rachel on Adam's condition. It was as if his feet then involuntarily jolted into action as he could not stop himself from walking out of the room. Fortunately, he thought to pick up the paternity test and quickly added "I better post this," to Rachel before rushing out of the door.

"Where have you been?" Rachel asked when Eddie finally returned. "The post office is only down the road."

Eddie had thought that the walk might have done him some good; awakened him a little, perhaps given him some perspective but his feelings had not changed, nor had the frustration inside of him. "I- I needed a walk," he admitted as he sunk into the wooden chair which seemed to get more uncomfortable with each sitting. "Rachel, we need to talk- about Adam."

She sat up a little straighter, wincing as she did but not commenting on the pain. "Eddie, he's in surgery. The nurse said something about a bleed on the brain... he's in a really bad way."

"Right."

"Right?" she repeated but decided to leave it. "The paternity test, it said that it could take up to four days, didn't it? What if he's not got that long? He could die not knowing whether he has a child or not-"

Eddie snapped up from the chair. "Rachel, he knew that there was a possibility that you could be carrying his child, but that didn't stop him from smashing his car up with you both inside it!"

It was only as the baby began to wail noisily that Eddie realised how loud his outburst had been.

"For God's sake, she's only just gotten back to sleep." Rachel despaired.

"I'll get her." Eddie intervened as Rachel went to move.

"Just- pass her to me."

As Eddie carefully placed the infant into her arms, he noticed Rachel avoiding his gaze. "I'm sorry but I can't keep my mouth shut any longer Rachel. How can you care about what happens to Adam after yesterday?"

Her eyes remained fixed on her child. "You know why."

"No, this isn't about the baby. After what he's done, you don't want him to be a part of her life. This is about you still feeling guilty."

"Just leave it. I can't do this right now, I-"

She sighed as there was a knock on the door. It was the same nurse from earlier, a chatty woman named Sally whose children had once been pupils at Waterloo Road (long before Rachel's time.) Rachel usually heard Sally before she saw her, which is why her stomach now dropped as the nurse entered the room in total silence.

Rachel didn't have to look at Eddie to know that he sensed it to. It was unmissable. The way that Sally was holding her breath, eyes tilting upwards as she considered her words before they then tumbled out of her mouth more clumsily than she had prepared.

"It's Adam Fleet- I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but he went into cardiac arrest whilst in surgery. They couldn't revive him." The nurse informed before clarifying. "Adam's died." As if that wasn't already clear enough.

"Rachel." Eddie persisted but still, she would not reply. The news had left them both in a stunned silence at first. It was a strange feeling. Even though Eddie had been mulling over whether this would be the best outcome all morning, it still left a heaviness within him. Because no matter what he thought about Adam, the man still had a family whose world would be falling apart right now.

Rachel remained vacant as she silently held her child close to her chest. It was only when Eddie gently placed his hand onto hers that he realised that she was trembling.

"Talk to me, please."

She briefly closed her eyes before admitting, "You were right. I don't think I would have wanted Adam to be a part of her life. If he is... was-" It hit her. Her eyes gravitated to his now, with the shock of it all bringing her back into the room. "Eddie, he's dead. What about his family? His sister, brother... he has nieces and nephews and-" her eyes dropped to her daughter and she couldn't quite catch her breath. "This is my fault."

Eddie had anticipated that she would blame herself, but it still hurt to hear the words come out of her mouth; especially when the opposite was true. "None of this is your fault. You weren't driving that car, Rachel. You didn't-" He stopped himself. "Blaming yourself isn't going to help anyone. We just need to work out where we go from here."

"If he's the father, I don't know what I'll-"

"We'll deal with it." He pressed a kiss into her hair. "Everything's going to be okay, I'll make sure of that."

Rachel hadn't cried since finding out about Adam. Not that she was an overly emotional person. She considered herself to be rational and she had certainly learnt how to keep her composure in her job. Only since her pregnancy, it was as though she had lost all control of her emotions. Suddenly, she began to cry at adverts and would snap at Janeece when she messed up the stationary order or sent off emails to the LEA which were littered with spelling errors.

When she had first met her daughter, she could not stop the tears from flooding but since the nurse had told her about Adam's death, she felt numb. She had waited for the tears to start, perhaps for some kind of rage to build in her, but nothing. She felt nothing.

Eddie noticed the numbness; a light had gone from her eyes and he didn't know how to bring it back. On the Monday the doctor told Rachel that she was well enough to return home, Eddie thought that it might have perked her up a bit but it only seemed to make her more tense.

"Are you sure she's strapped in properly?" Rachel asked Eddie as they prepared to set off from the hospital.

"I'm sure. I have done this before you know." he reminded as he started the car but then noticed her nails digging into the passenger seat. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

She wasn't. They both knew that, but he chose not to push the subject and instead reached over to squeeze her hand before he reversed out of the car park.

"I think Charlie's been driving Phil up the wall, he sounded exhausted on the phone." Eddie filled the silence. "Thank God for the Easter break, did I tell you that Kim's taken Charlie and Dexter to that indoor play centre today?" When Rachel faintly hummed, he continued. "I know Kim and I haven't always gotten on but I don't know what we'd have done without her and Phil these last few days. It shows you-"

"Eddie!" Rachel suddenly shouted at him. "Will you concentrate on the road? You almost ran into that car."

"I was nowhere near-" he sighed before pulling over and stopping the car. "I didn't think."

"It's not your fault, it's me." She shakily admitted as she attempted to catch her breath but found that her breathing only became shallower. It was as Eddie then placed his palm on her back and attempted to reassure her that the flood gates finally opened. She covered her mouth, feeling foolish for getting so worked up over nothing but could not stop the emotions which now swamped her. "I know I'm overreacting."

"You're not."

"It's just- it only took a moment for that car to crash." She glanced over to her daughter in the back of the car who was somehow still fast asleep. "It could have been her. It could have been both of us."

Eddie took off his seatbelt to lean over to her and although he held her at a rather awkward angle, she somehow managed to relax into him until her breathing steadied and her heart no longer raced.

Eddie drove the rest of the way home with more caution than he had done during his driving test and after helping Rachel out of the car (whilst she assured him that she didn't need the assistance) he passed her the keys. "Go inside and get comfy on the couch. I'll bring the baby in."

As Eddie walked up the drive way, baby carrier in one hand and hospital bag in the other, he became aware of the sun warming his back and the birds chiming in the trees. There was a serenity in the air that he had not felt for some time and in that moment, he felt assured that everything was going to be okay.

"Eddie..." Rachel called from inside the house.

As Eddie followed her inside, he noticed that she had already sifted through the mail which was sitting in the hallway. "Don't worry about that, put your feet up, you're still recovering remember."

"No, Eddie-" She held her breath as she handed him an envelope which had a familiar logo marked onto the top right corner. "I think that's it. The paternity test results."