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O'Neill was awaken by dull ache in his right side. Deeply annoyed, he rubbed his eyes with his fingers and then checked the room he was in. Sighing quietly, he stood up and reached for the bottle of water on the chair next to his bed. After quenching his thirst, he sat down on the hospital bed, lowering his head into his hands. Another sigh pierced the silent infirmary.
Running his hands through his messy hair, he shifted his gaze to the shadow on the other bed. Carter was facing away from him, so he didn't see her face. He was only able to see her long hair bunching up around her head, because even in the faint light it shone like a beacon of hope.
She was remembering more each day, but still it was only stuff from the early days. It was like her brain was filling up details of the years Laura said Carter can sort of remember. The only thing that came up in her dreams from more recent years was the memory of that idiot Pete, which frankly was atrocious. But somehow it didn't spill into consciousness, because she never mentioned Pete to anyone.
"Cooooold…" He heard her exhale loudly. She stirred a little but didn't utter anything else. Getting up again, he grabbed an extra blanket and hurried to her side. Unfolding it quickly, he covered Carter's body, so only her head was showing. She murmured something, but he didn't hear properly.
"Hope you're warm now." He whispered to her, knowing full well she wouldn't hear. For only few seconds he allowed himself to falter and gently stroke Carter's hair. She was breathing in sharp gasps, tightly clutching the blanket he provided. Stirring a little, she turned to him.
"We're in trouble." She blurted out at him, still not fully conscious. "The DHD…" Desperate sob escaped her lips, muddling the rest of the sentence.
"Oh, you're dreaming, aren't ya?" He said, his Minnesota accent coming through even more than usual. He considered removing the second blanket, but decided against it. Warmth is essential to Carter's health according to Laura so a little extra of it couldn't hurt, could it?
"I'm sorry." Carter's voice broke as she swallowed against the lump in her throat. The breathing got even shallower as she struggled to breathe under stress.
"For crying out loud…" He said angrily, when he noticed the big tears streaming down her face. She was crying! That must have been one hell of a dream. He wanted to wake her up, spare her the agony of yet another nightmare, but couldn't bring himself to do so. Maybe if he waited a few more, it would pass. She really needed the rest.
"Sir…!" There was a scary amount of urgency packed in that one word. Her closed eyelids were fluttering rapidly, suggesting she was still in grips of the nightmare.
"Oh, damn it!" He took two steps towards Carter's bed and firmly grabbed her by the shoulders. Feeling how tense she was, he shook Carter in desperate need to wake her up. "Carter, come on."
"Colonel!" It sounded like his honorific got caught in her throat and he couldn't understand why. She was thrashing around a little now, her hands seemingly trying to catch something.
"Carter, whatever it is, it's only a dream." He sighed, seeing her face contorted in pain. It wasn't working, her nightmares were wreaking havoc on both her and him alike. "I got you, you're safe."
"Plan b?" Her voice was not as desperate, but it conveyed much more sadness. She stopped moving just then and laid motionless in front of O'Neill, who couldn't be more confused.
"What? Did you…" He frowned, running through all the options in his head. What did she mean exactly? Was it…? Could it be maybe… the other meaning of plan b? He didn't think so. She wouldn't have been able to go on a mission if she was pregnant and if she wasn't, because she took the morning after pill, well, that would be a weird thing to find out like this, but… No, it probably meant just some contingency plan. Why did his mind if go that other place? This was Carter, she always had plans for everything, not only plan b, but also c, d and maybe also e.
"But sir!" Her head swung from one side to another, with a quiet cry following her words.
"Carter, wake up!" He raised his voice a little too much and as she was ripped from the nightmare, there was a shock painted on her face that he knew would haunt him. Probably as much as her calling for him in angst during her nightmare. "Sorry, Carter, but you were scaring me. That must have been some nightmare!"
"Yeah." She said quietly, her hands swiping away the tears on her cheeks. She was trembling all over. "I-I saw… us in Antarctica." She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled through her mouth. Focusing on slowing her breathing, she rose to a sitting position. She hugged her body tightly, biting her lip. "Holy Hannah! I can feel the sneaky cold even now. That was really disconcerting."
"We got out, Carter." So that was what she was dreaming about. The plan b meant her leaving him to go save herself. And it was really hard task to make her do that, because she was such an outstanding officer with great sense of duty. But it was pointless for her to stay just to watch him die. He wanted to go knowing there was at least the possibility of her surviving. That she had a chance.
"I know and I am sorry, sir." A sigh interrupted her speech as she shifted slightly on the bed. "I just don't understand why I am so damn emotional about everything." She closed her eyes, because even though it didn't make much difference, the familiarity of it calmed her down. Not seeing with her eyes closed felt okay. His voice comforting her felt okay.
"What? Oh, Carter!" He used that mockingly patronizing tone of voice that actually made him sound really sweet. "Your brilliant brain is constantly flooding with images of all the crazy stuff we've been through over the years. It's pretty mind-blowing you can hold it together at all."
"I-I…" She felt the hospital bed dip a little as he sat beside her.
"I am serious, Carter. You're being too hard on yourself."
"I guess you're right. It's just so overwhelming. How did we stay sane throughout all of this, sir?"
"Maybe sane would be an overstatement, but you know…"
A little mirthless chuckle left her lips as her face settled on a blank stare.
"Believe me, you're doing just fine…" He said, watching her chew on her lip.
Finally, she stopped and nodded. The blankets fell down from her shoulders onto her lap, where she grabbed it and pushed it towards him.
"Hey, what are you doing?" He took the blankets into his arms and moved it to the next bed.
"I don't feel like sleeping anymore."
"Carter, you should really get some rest."
"I know…" She shrugged her shoulders, dropping her hands into her lap.
It seemed clear to him she was feeling more gloomy than tired. "What if we went to the kitchen for a juice or some soup or something?" He suggested with a raised eyebrow.
"I don't want to bother you, sir."
"Nonsense. I was awake anyway…Let me get the wheelchair ready."
"Okay." She said, her expression empty now.
He helped her into the wheelchair and covered her with a blanket. He then grabbed his jacket just in case and quickly walked back to Carter. By tapping her shoulder, he let her know he was there again.
"Let's go then."
His mind wandered as he pushed the wheelchair in front of him. It was a very unfortunate mission that landed them in Antarctica. They went through the gate and encountered hostiles almost immediately. He ordered Daniel to dial back home while they laid cover fire. Teal'c and Daniel went through first, then Carter and he followed her moments later.
The next memory he had was of sharp pain in his right side that had gotten worse as he tried to move. Carter wrapped him up in a thermal blanket and even rearranged his pack to make sure his head wasn't on the freezing ground.
Setting the leg and putting the splint together hurt like hell, but he tried to put on a brave face for her and avoid screaming in pain, even though that was sometimes all he could think of. He knew she kept talking to try to distract him and he did his best to answer, but then Sara came up and whole other world of pain enveloped him.
And then he saw Carter and knew what she was thinking. She thought they were as good as dead. Her genius brain computed all the probabilities and came up with really bad answer. He doubted she'd stop looking for a way out, but her eyes betrayed her. The beautiful blue eyes that normally were so sparkling, so full of enthusiasm and energy. Especially after she'd tried dialing the gate for the first time, there was a sense of hopelessness in them.
He could also tell she was not fooled by his act. When she knew exactly how badly he was hurt, she must have deduced he didn't have much time. There was no denying it after she saw him coughing up blood. He almost had to beg her to get some rest.
If they weren't so cold and lost, the sleeping arrangement would have been pretty romantic actually. Her warm body was pressed against his, raising his body temperature as they combined their body heat, and her hand snaked around him. It would have been a nice sensation to wake up to, had his chest not been burning with pain.
He didn't remember anything after telling Carter he had been honored to serve with her, by that time he must have been barely conscious. Hallucinations came next form which he remembered only few hazy images of Sara and Charlie. God…
"Aren't we almost there, sir?"
Carter's voice rang in his ears and it took him a while to process what she had said.
"Sorry, yeah. Only a few meters." He parked the wheelchair next to the table and put on the brakes. "So, what are you thinking – juice or something else?"
"Just a juice is fine, thank you."
The happier tone of her voice put a little spring in his step. "Mmmmm… There are some new flavors available." He said, looking in the fridge, "What do you think about pineapple, black current or mango?"
"Uh- maybe mango?"
"Coming up." He started fumbling around, preparing the drinks.
"What are you going to have, sir?"
"Apple juice. I'm man of simple tastes and since the drinks have already weirdly synthetized into existence, I'll stick with the basics."
She giggled, and then explored her surroundings using her hands. When she made sure there wasn't anything in front of her on the table, she laid her hands down.
"Alright." He said, making sure she was aware he was standing right next to her. "Here it is, one mango juice in a cute purple mug with your initials. Laura made each of us our own special one." Putting the mug into her hand, he checked she gripped it properly before moving on to sit on the chair closest to her.
"Did she? That's nice."
"Apparently yours is purple because you're exceptional just as the color."
"Awww…"
He watched her face brighten up as she prepared to take the first sip. "Well, you are."