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P. S. Some important chapters coming up :)

"Is the water alright?" Laura asked, aware that Sam had been quiet for some time now, just sitting in the bath, not moving a muscle.

"Yeah, thank you." Sam said and finally leaned backwards against the bath, sighing at the feeling of warm water surrounding her body. With another long session of mission reports behind her, she had unquenchable desire to hide somewhere and cry. There was definitely a huge disconnect between what she'd been told about SG-1 missions and what the reports contained. She hasn't found any of the wonder and heroism her colleagues talked about, instead she saw the team getting into one bad situation after another. Like they were seemingly a magnet for bad luck.

"So… What do you want to talk about?" Wrapping herself in a warm bathrobe, Laura sat on a chair next to the tub. She applied special serum for stronger hair on her head, so she had at least five spare minutes before she could wash it off.

"Laura…" Sam said, with both warning and nervousness noticeable in her voice. She was determined to avoid the topic for as long as was possible.

"Sam." Laura said in a more pleading, softer tone.

"I…" Sam started again, a little more nervously this time. Biting her lip, she tried to think of something else that was important to discuss, but came up empty. She inhaled deeply and out came a big sigh of desperation.

"Something's bothering you. You admitted as much yesterday. So, come on."

"Sometimes I wonder if the program ever actually did any good."

"The Stargate Program?"

Sam nodded, letting her arms slipped from the edge of the tub down into the aromatic bubbles.

"It feels like every mission means meeting a new enemy and getting kidnapped, attacked or tortured. And making questionable decisions."

"Tell me which reports you listened to, Sam." Laura didn't actually said please, but it was heavily implied. There was a certain gentleness with which she pronounced Sam's name.

"There was the time we unknowingly helped a criminal and ended up in this underground prison. The leader of the place said I was protected and that no man would touch me, but the general, Daniel and Teal'c were almost killed at one point. The prisoners left me alone, but prevented me from helping my team. Daniel was choked until he passed out." She took a ragged breath, composing herself. Some memories came with lot of unnecessary details. "And then, when we gated out, we took the leader with us because she helped us get the power source we needed to escape. They called her the destroyer of worlds and we let her out."

"You caught her later."

"Good." Sam said, without any hint of joy whatsoever.

"You couldn't have known. Many planets have questionable justice systems."

"I suspected." Sam swallowed with difficulty, clearly remembering vividly the horrible experience. "When the guys were attacked, Linea didn't want to help and she told me so, very coldly with this look that just wasn't right. I should have said something after we got to the SGC…"

"Sam, please stop beating yourself up. No one's perfect, but you're so damn close."

A sad smile appeared on Sam's face. "You're so nice, Laura."

"It's the truth and as you're going to remember more, you'll get more comfortable in your role. It's okay to be a little uncertain. But don't forget you have two people on this ship who remember all those missions and they wouldn't hesitate to rely on you. That says something, no?"

"I guess you're right."

"I swear to you, I am." Laura moved the shampoo and conditioner, so Sam could reach it. "And regarding all those painful memories, remember, those three guys are still here. Well, Daniel is on Earth, but they are all alive." Laura ran her fingers through her hair to check if the serum was getting absorbed. Another minute or two and she could wash it off.

"I don't want to discuss the missions with them." Sam finally admitted, hating the awkward silence. "It's bad enough I have to dig through all those painful memories, why should they?"

"Sam, they care about you."

The firmness of Laura's voice startled Sam, but somehow she herself spoke with uncharacteristic confidence. But she already felt like a burden most of the time, so she did not want to upset people closest to her.

Laura continued in a lighter style, seeing the unease that Sam projected. "They want to help you. And they will help you, if you let them."

"Once we got locked up in a simulation that used Daniel's and the general's memories and replayed them. I was with Daniel in his memory, Teal'c was in the general's. The memories they used were bad…" Sam went quiet, chewing on her lower lip.

Laura did not want to rush her, knowing how difficult it was for her to share this. She was Sam talking a few deep breaths and for a moment she wondered if this was the end of their chat.

"We never talked about what happened. I assume Daniel and the general might've had a session with a psychologist, but we just brushed it over. How can I bring it up now?"

"You've known each other for so much longer now, Sam. All those hard mission you know about… They were so many of them. Imagine how close you have gotten through it all. They would be okay with you taking about this. Trust me on this."

"Shouldn't you wash your hair already?"

"Yeah. Lucky you." Laura discarded the robe and started walking towards the shower stall. "But we'll continue this conversation later." She stepped into the shower and turned it on.

Sam heard the shower and felt a wave of relief wash over her. Everything was so confusing lately. First her new memories of Jolinar sent her flying from the bed and then all the other bewildering memories came rushing into her brain. She did not know who to ask what it meant, some of the topics in them being very sensitive.

Still thinking about her incomplete memories, she grabbed the shampoo bottle and squeezed a little in her hand. Massaging it into her hair, her nostrils were hit with the sweet aroma of cocoa and vanilla. Just before she leaned backwards and washed it off, she heard Laura telling Teal'c what else needs to be done before the celebration and where she put the clothing for him and O'Neill. The general was busy dealing with his superior's requests for more detailed reports and therefore there was no danger of him interrupting the preparations for his birthday party.

"And when you're both ready, tell me." Laura asked, taking the hairdryer into her hands. She had a large towel wrapped around her body and simple sandals on her feet. Almost everything was in place, she just asked Teal'c to check on the general and make sure he was ready on time. She would stay with Sam and help her get ready.