I do not own Oregairu /My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected or Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin
(Check AN for responses to the reviews at the end)
Chapter 3
Nothingness.
This familiar sensation of nothingness. It yet again enveloped every single part of my body within its grasp. Floating around in this blank space, with no clear details of my surroundings, I let whoever or whatever that had been pulling the strings guide me. Guide me in this well acquainted yet unknown location. Still, I wondered, where was this route taking me? What am I going to face at the end of this path?
Unanticipatedly, my eyes could make a silhouette, all the way at the front. The tiny dot was getting bigger and bigger as I approached it. Finally, a blurry view of a human, presumably a little girl, greeted me. The features were untraceable due to the quality of my current vision. Despite the lack of description, I recognized this figure. The presence she gave off was impossible to not remember. That angel appeared in front of my dying body in my own world.
At that time, I felt relief and peace at her arrival. Now, however, those feelings of mine have changed. I couldn't understand how, but I could comprehend the fact that I was throwing all of my anguish, anger, sadness, despair, and frustration at her with all my might. I don't know why, but my inner mind told me that she was somehow responsible for this hell I was. Or was it perhaps the fact that I viewed her as an angel for the first time we met and now I am looking at her as nothing but a devil?
My eyelid flickered as it parted itself. It was a slow process, but my blurry vision indicated that I was looking at something with the color of brown. Trees were the first things that ran through my mind after that observation. It didn't take much time for my eye to become clear, letting me observe my surroundings perfectly. I realized something was blocking the vision of my left eye. I also felt that I was lying somewhere.
Slowly, I commanded my head to make a turn. The change of viewing angle to the right had me looking at another person. From what it looked like, it was another person. I was guessing that it was a female. I couldn't see her clothing, due to the white and wrinkled blanket covering her body up to her neck. Her brown hair, which had a very intense reddish hue on many of its strands, was tied into a ponytail. Her head was wrapped around in bandages. The snores and small smile on her face informed me of her peaceful slumber.
Peaceful.
Peace.
It was something I haven't felt in a long time. Pieces of memory, the events, the deaths, the carnage, they didn't stop crashing into my mind. Once one of them appeared, slowly and painfully agonizing me, the next didn't waste its time to follow suit. Breathing was becoming difficult for me as seconds passed by. I soon realized that my chest was becoming tighter, due to the lack of breaths I exhaled.
I got up from my sleeping position in a flash. What I didn't consider was the possibility of my other injuries effectively influencing my movements. A sudden jolt of pain struck my ribs, causing me to move a little far to the left. Before I realized it, I couldn't stop myself. My vision of the floor of wood became a bit too close.
I crashed down. Hard. The pain that it caused me was enough to attempt to scream out. I couldn't however due to the fact that breathing was becoming a one-of-a-kind action for me at the current moment. I started suffocating as I grabbed my throat in desperation. I've been through much worse lately yet this torture was causing me to suffer the same. Maybe it's the fear of death? No, fear of death has no effect on me anymore.
I suddenly felt the touch of another human being or something. I wasn't sure at the moment. Two hands gripped my arms and forcefully laid me on my back. Then another pair of hands set themselves on top of my chest and began pressing it. My thinking capability left me after that. I don't know the details of the entire process or the few moments my mind detached from reality, but I eventually began panting. I gasped while welcoming the inhalation of oxygen into my lungs. I… was finally free. Free from the reach of death.
"That was a close call," a deep voice, which I assumed belonged to a female, spoke out with a sigh at the end. I was able to see clearly now. It was a woman with hair almost the same color as the girl that was asleep next to me. The only difference was that the intensity of the color brown was much more apparent. She had a bandage wrapped around her left eye. She had an expression of relief on her face.
Next to her was a male around my age, give or take a few years. His short hair was colored in a shade of ash-brown while the sides were trimmed heavily. His light-brown eyes held a frown as he kept eyeing me. His face reminded me of a horse, for some reason. I figured the woman was the one who just gave me CPR since the guy almost straddled me while firmly holding onto my wrists. Despite my uneven breathing, annoyance still crept into my mind.
"Y-You… can l-let go now," I spat out in between some deep breaths while putting on a menacing glare on my face. It seemed like he got the message since his cheeks gained a crimson hue and he instantly released me from his hold.
"Are you feeling alright now?" questioned the woman with glasses. I gave her a nod as a response before adding on with a much clearer voice.
"Y-Yeah. Thanks for… you know…" she shook her head in the affirmative, indicating that my message was understood and she accepted my gratitude. The teenager, who for some reason turned his head away from us, instantly turned around and looked at me with wide eyes, as if I was an alien or something.
"You're Arthur, I assume? The only survivor in that charge other than Floch. You're lucky, you know? You would be at death's door right now if we were somehow stopped on our way back," she informed me. I internally let out a sigh of relief at that piece of information. I did not want to experience another death if it meant starting all over and going through that horrible event yet again.
"A-Arthur!? B-But that means you're a-a-" I interrupted horse face before he could finish.
"That's right. I'm a man. Got a problem with that?" I announced in the deepest voice I could manage. He gritted his teeth in frustration and stomped out of the room. The conscious woman in the room gave a nervous chuckle at the development.
"Why is everyone so supposing of my gender anyway?" I had a clue to that question, but I did not want to believe that my assumptions were even slightly accurate.
"Uhh… maybe you want to take a look at the mirror?" I thought I heard a whisper speaking those words out but maybe I was putting too much attention into delusions.
"If you don't mind, um, who are you?" I asked the woman. She widened her eyes in surprise but hid her emotions with a fake smile.
"Commander Hange Zoe of the Survey Corps," she then bent both of her arms and put her left one behind her back while bringing the right one with a clenched fist directly over her chest.
'What is she doing? Is that supposed to be a salute? And wait… did she just say Commander? Then what about Erwin?'
"W-What about Commander Erwin?" I hesitantly let those words out. She looked down on the ground for a bit before making a response.
"Former Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith, was brave all the way till the end," she quietly said.
The shock was written all over my face due to the news I was given. Why wasn't Erwin alive? D-Didn't Captain Levi say that he was gonna use the serum on that bastard? So why? Why isn't he here right now!? If he was the only one willing to go so far to protect humanity, at least that's what I gathered from the puny amount of intel I had, then why was he not resurrected? Were we too late? Or was it… that Japanese bitch? Did her interruption cost too much time? This was not good. My anger was already starting to boil.
"If you want to know why Erwin wasn't revived, ask Levi. Before the mission, Erwin did tell him that it was his choice as to who was getting the power of a titan. Levi chose Armin in the end and had him eat Bertholdt," she added on. I then looked at her with a look of confusion since I had no idea who Armin or Bertholdt were. Also, what did she mean by this Armin guy eating a person?
"Wom- I mean Commander, I am sorry but I can't remember a lot of things from before the… mission," I chose the last word carefully, keeping note of the word she herself used when she relayed the information to me.
"Loss of memory, huh?" she voiced off while giving me a look of pity. I despised that. I despised receiving these kinds of looks towards me.
"Please don't stare at me like that," the Commander complied with my request as she fixed her expression to the one she had before.
"Forgive me. But with this… issue, you're going to have to do a lot of catching up, Cadet Vaughn," I gave her an incredulous look and it looked like she understood why.
"Oh yeah. I did some background checks and your full name is Arthur Vaughn. You know what, I'll give you a copy of your application form. You can still read, right?" I replied to her inquiry with a nod. She returned it and began walking out of the room. As she opened the door and took one step, she paused and looked at me again.
"Get some rest for now. If you get hungry later on, don't worry. I'll send someone to stay outside this room so ask them," she then gently closed the door. I heard her footsteps get quieter as seconds passed by. I looked at the other occupant in the room and she was still asleep.
'Must be a heavy sleeper, huh?'
With a sigh, I sat down on the edge of my bed. Now, I had enough time and space to reflect upon whatever the hell was going on with me and my life. So, the protagonist's name in this world is Arthur Vaughn, whose body had my soul transported into it. So technically, I, Hachiman Hikigaya, still am the protagonist. It's just that I didn't have my own body with my famous 'dead-fish' eyes. Actually, I still don't know how my face looks so that might be an incorrect assumption.
Now I need to analyze the intel I had about my current whereabouts. So… I was a soldier named Arthur Vaughn in this world, in the Survey Corps or something. That is the inference I'm making from how Commander Hange titled herself. In this world, you can become a giant humanoid monster, a titan, with the use of just a serum. This grants you this unimaginable power.
That's what I figured at first. Now though, I knew I was missing something here. If only a serum could bring this power to anyone who got injected, why did I only see one transformer? Shouldn't there have been more? And if I recalled that woman's words, she said that Levi had Armin 'turn into a titan and eat Bertholdt.' Who the hell is Bertholdt? Is it a who or a what?
And speaking of mysteries, I just knew how to speak and read in this language that I've never heard or seen before. It's not English. I'm sure of that. If I had to guess, then I would say it's an European language, preferably German or French. It was just a hypothesis. Along with my isekai protagonist's perks of starting over after my deaths and being able to comprehend the language of this unknown world, I also had battle instincts that saved my ass.
So if I had to rank the soldiers, I would guess Captain Levi was the strongest around here. This man took down a giant monkey right in front of my eyes with ease. He was also the one that took down all of the fodder titans right after I recklessly attacked the first one out of rage. I feel something that I have never in my life felt before towards that man. I admired Captain Levi. Not only because he saved my life technically, but he was also the one who kind of motivated me to go on the offensive and also showed that no matter the size, but the titans also were NOT invincible.
Then I would have to guess that Japanese devil woman was second. I wasn't too sure about that though. I'm only basing it off of my observations when I saw her hold the blade at the Captain's neck. Her unexpected speed was something that came into the equation as well. However, I was a little iffy about her being the second strongest since I am mostly confident that Levi was exhausted at that moment. Or maybe my inner bias was refusing to believe that someone could near or even match Captain Levi's strength? After that though, I had no clue who would be in line. Maybe the Commander since she was just promoted recently unless I've been in a deep slumber for too long.
I wonder how many individuals there were with Titan powers in total. I know that fodder Titans were like zombies. The ones under the control of a human however had immense power, but they were vulnerable to defeat as well. Did the 'Survey Corps' have anybody with that power? Besides the Armin fellow, of course. They might have one or two, based on their knowledge about the serum and whatnot. Also, I needed to know the full process of getting a Titan power. I was putting together some pieces of data I collected but I didn't want my imagination to become the actual reality.
My eyelid was making it difficult for me to stay awake. This sudden feeling of tiredness also enveloped my body. Without anything else to do, I softly laid down on my bed and let the darkness take over my mind yet again.
With long steps and groggy eye, I began to approach the door that would lead me to exit the compartment I was placed in for who knows how long. I touched the bandage that was wrapped around my left eye. I was pretty confident in my assumption of not being able to see out of it again. From how the 'Hospital' cabin looked, I think it was safe to guess that the technology was not really advanced. I mean, oil lamps were still used as the source of light in the room.
I was feeling really annoyed at the moment. The cause was the state of my outfit. I hadn't really paid attention to what I wore earlier but now that I took a close look, I was not amused at all. I slowly turned the knob, making sure that the other occupant wouldn't wake up, and stepped out of the room. To my right awaited the male I met earlier. I realized that we were around the same height when I stood across from him. He looked surprised for a moment before putting on an indifferent visage in his horse-looking face
"Do you know where the restroom is?" I asked him as politely as I could, which meant that it wasn't really polite. He looked at me with an expression of bafflement as he opened his mouth. It looked like he was gonna harshly reprimand me but suddenly he gained a look of realization and shut his lips tight.
"Um… you still there?" his eyebrows rose while my question broke him out of his stupor. He released a sigh of annoyance before motioning me to follow him.
I did as he said and slowly walked behind him while taking a look around. The hallway was made out of wood, which looked very new, and the walls seemed to be made of stone slabs. I still haven't caught any electronic devices with my eyes yet. Was this world really that behind in terms of technology? As we approached the stairway, which led to what I believe is the foundation of this 'hospital', many individuals were having conversations.
As my presence neared them, their attention was grabbed by my appearance. Some went back to their previous talks after a second or two of looking at me while others still stared at me with their obvious curiosity. A blush appeared on my face at their gazes. I knew why some might still be looking. I absolutely despise attention. Not only was I receiving that at the moment, but I also felt extremely embarrassed.
'Why the hell am I wearing a skirt?!'
That's right. Besides the white long-sleeved shirt I had on me, someone decided to change the uniform on the lower portion of my body with a long and brown skirt that reached my ankles. Did no one realize what my gender was when they, uhh… checked all over my body? Whoever the medical specialist was? This was so shameful and annoying. I'm a man! Oh, now I realize why this bastard's body was shaking every once in a while walking in front of me. He was laughing! A scowl formed in my face as I tapped him on his shoulder.
"Oi horse face, what's your name? If I don't know, then I might have to stick with what I just called you right now," I internally smirked in amusement as I kept looking at his face. A snarl clearly formed on his appearance. I heard a few snickers around me due to my statement.
"Why you...Tch! It's Jean Kirstein, you homo," he retorted while adding this mocking grin at the end. This time, I was the one who was snarling. Why am I getting so worked up in this world? Oh yeah, the frustration and craziness that I've been through so far might have been the cause of that.
"Why am I even in these stupid garments? Don't they know that I'm a man?" I really complained to myself.
"Sure doesn't look like one," I heard hors- I mean this Jean guy grumbling. I didn't reply since I was really tired and I wanted to get some food and rest. And also learn more about this place and myself eventually.
"Hey, Arthur. Good to see you," I heard a different but familiar voice call out to me. Floch was making his way over to us. He was dressed in a light green long-sleeved shirt while the sleeves were rolled up to his elbow and a pair of khakis. He had a small smile while moving in our direction.
"Hey," I greeted my fellow survivor. I didn't wanna talk to anyone at the moment. The thing that I desired the most right now was to take a look in the mirror. I wanted to know what I looked like. I wanted to see why the hell everyone assumed I was female. And there was this small part of me that wanted to confirm that my guesses were wrong regarding my appearance.
"I hope you're feeling better. You seemed to be in a much better state than I expected you to be, with fractured limbs, blood loss, and the eye. That's good. So… uhh… sorry about… you know… this and..." Floch gave me a broken sentence. I knew exactly what he was talking about as he kept eyeing the skirt that I had on me. I also had a feeling on what he was gonna add on at the end of his sentence
"Care to tell me about it? I mean this?" I demanded in response while pointing at the clothing adorned below my waist.
"Apparently, the stock just ran out of pants and we had no extra uniforms here either. They figured since you looked so… unique, there would be nothing wrong with a skirt as the last option," I released a grunt of annoyance at that information. So I just had bad luck, as always.
"Yeah right. Nothing's wrong," I then gave a stare at the bastard who was supposed to be leading me to the restroom, snickering at my misery.
"Oi, tell me where it is," he frowned but nodded nonetheless. Before I left, Floch wished me a quick recovery. I gave him a farewell in return.
This was getting tiring. I felt like one of those normies back in Sobu. Ugh! Disgusting! I'm going against my own ideals! How much of a hypocrite can I be? Why was I even chosen to be a protagonist of this godforsaken world? Oh, I can give a few reasons. I'm supposed to bear the pain and suffering of everyone else since my worth isn't much out there. And I bet this is the punishment I received from all the curses my father must've put on me. From the jealousy of being able to spend more time with Komachi and the utter disappointment I've become up against his expectations.
He used to be very caring of me when I was younger. You know, buying me games and toys. However, as Komachi started aging and gaining more friends, while I was still the biggest loser in the world, his attention was always on her whenever he could manage time. The last time I remember getting a gift from him was in my last year of elementary school. Sometimes when we're in each other's presence and Komachi would talk to me, I would always feel his burning gaze of jealousy. And then there would be moments when I received a look of disappointment from him too. I think I've become a necessary nuisance to be taken care of rather than the first son of Shiki Hikigaya.
And there was my mother. I can tell that she gave Komachi more attention and I had no qualms about it. Komachi deserves all of the happiness in this world! Even with that, my mother would make sure if I was doing alright and whatnot. She would clean my room and make my bed despite her extremely tight schedule as a corporate slave. She would give me an allowance sometimes even though I didn't need it. My mother still loved me, at least that's what I felt from her actions and words. She still acknowledged me as a son, unlike a certain bastard.
Despite what I tell myself, that it's ok with whatever is going on in my family, I still have this anger. Not at Mom or Dad, but at myself. I was rotten to the core. I believed that all humans were selfish by nature and at least had an evil part in themselves no matter how much they tried to better the world or those around them. The only exceptions to that were Komachi and Totsuka. I refuse to believe that they could be evil in any form or way. I believe I was destined to get the shorter end of the stick ever since my birth. But this still made me angry. I guess there was still a part of me that desired a normal normie's life, with friends and whatnot. I was no better than anyone else. There was no use in getting mad over my unfortunate fate. At least that was better than this hell I was put in.
"How long are you gonna stand there for?" Jean's voice shook me out of my thoughts. I suddenly look ahead and face a door with a sign that says 'MEN'. I muttered an uninteresting and ungrateful word of appreciation to the guy and headed in.
The scene that greeted me was a restroom with four sinks to my left with an attached mirror above each of them. This time, the interior of the walls was created of bricks while the floor was concrete. On the opposite side were these three huge stalls with the doors being made of both wood and metal and three smaller ones with the same design on the doors. I'm guessing that the larger stalls were used for showering.
With a deep breath, I started walking forward and turned left after a few steps. I shut my eyelid as tight as possible. It was time for me to discover my own appearance. What kind of isekai protagonist tropes did I fall under in terms of looks? The handsome bastard, like Hayama, who gets all the women? Or the generic-looking man who is as average as possible? I calmed myself and slowly opened my eyes to see how I looked.
'Oh no… A TRAP!'
What in the world is this?! I mean, there was a part of me that had a feeling that this is about how I would look, but goddammit? First of all, it'll be so annoying to have people around me mistake my gender! I had no choice but to interact with people since I was a part of a branch of the military. Or maybe I can ask for a resignation? They said that humanity was under a huge threat, most probably titans. So there was a big chance that no resignation was allowed for anyone save for the old members.
Stop getting off-topic! I still can't accept this! I was already aware of the ponytail that reached the middle of my back. Now that I took a closer look at it, my hair was a shade of dark brown. Some of the strands seemed to be messy and twisted. Oh god! Do I have to comb it or something? Actually, I'll cut it off! Yeah, that sounds good! And with a thorough observation of my face, I notice my dark blue iris moving around. My left eye was wrapped around in gauze. My nose was way too thin and small for a guy. My prominent cheekbones along with my sharp jawline and pointy chin only made my appearance more feminine. My physical looks have become similar to Totsuka. Damn it! I don't deserve to even breathe the same air like an angel like him!
I noticed my skin tone was very bright. It was slightly tanned, however. If I had to make a comparison, I would say that my skin was just a bit tanner than that Eren guy. I wonder what happened to him. He did take a massive knock-out hit from the strongest human I have ever seen. Hiratsuka-sensei, you just got some competition now!
I then proceeded to open my shirt and bare my upper body. I could see the bruises around the entirety of it. It was the worst around my ribs but seemed to be getting better. I then began taking off the skirt I had on me while sporting a massive blush. Never have I ever thought that I would wear clothing like this. Technically, it wasn't out of my will. I checked over my legs and sighed in relief when no visible bruises or wounds made themselves known to me. I decided that it was enough and quickly used the stall. I didn't really have any issues using one of them, for which I was very glad. I'm thinking of getting a pair of pants right after I indulge myself in some food. No way was I going to continue wearing this. I'll rip the pants off of Jean or Floch if I needed to, although I was leaning towards the former.
With my needs fulfilled, I quickly exited the restroom. As soon as I stepped out, I found Commander Hange and the Eren fellow out here. Hange put on a fake smile as soon as our eyes met. She then came in my direction, followed by Eren and Jean. She stopped when she was in my presence and put her hand on my shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze.
"Good to see you up. Feeling better than before?" she asked genuinely. I gave her a wordless nod.
"Great! Now, if you're really hungry, I'll get you a plate immediately. Or do you want to wait since dinner time will be within an hour or so?" I pondered for a minute regarding her offer. If I wait until dinnertime, chances are that it'll be in a place crowded with people since this is a military branch. And I wanted to avoid human communication as much as possible unless it was mandatory, meaning that it's about my past and family and whatnot. With that thought process, I gave her a clear answer.
"Can I please eat right now? I'm very hungry you see," I stated. Hange shook her head affirmatively and motioned Jean to get to task while giving him a piece of paper. The man groaned but took the document and headed out nonetheless. I figured that the paper contained a signed permission for my meal to be brought up early or something like that. Behind her, I noticed that the sun was setting down. I still hadn't a clue at the time here so I chose to voice my inner curiosity.
"What time is it?" I received an answer from Eren in an instant.
"It's almost 7. 6:56 to be exact," he brown-haired teenager spoke. Jean came out, carrying a plate and a glass of water right at that moment. I couldn't peek at the meal since he walked right past me and approached the stair that led to the second level of this building. The commander and Eren followed him and so did I.
They led me to a different compartment this time. It only consisted of one bed, which was still the same size as the one I had in my previous room. There was also a window here, unlike last time. However, it was useless now with the sun's disappearance and nighttime coming up. I guess some silent orders were given to the two male teenagers by the Commander since they left as soon as my plate was placed on the bed. Hange then made herself feel comfortable as she pulled up a chair from underneath the top of a small desk and sat down near me.
I took a seat on the bed itself and lifted the plate with both of my hands. When I looked at the meal offered to me, I was not satisfied at all. The whole thing seemed… bland. I guess it was military food, after all. I was offered three pieces of bread that looked very dry. And then there was a bowl of soup with small pieces of meat, carrots, and corn. And the last things were a steamed potato and a glass of water.
With hesitation, I took a bite from the bread. Even though there wasn't much taste except for the taste of wheat, this food gave me an intense satisfaction. I'm thinking it's because I haven't had anything to eat for so long. That is usually the case when you are suffering from hunger for a very long time. Anything you eat to fulfill a longtime hunger usually is way above adequate. I took a sip of the soup after biting into my second piece of bread. Salt was the only prominent taste in the soup as the pieces of meat were too small and too little in number. I scarfed down the bread and picked up the steamed potato. It was sprinkled in salt and black pepper. It was honestly the best one out of the three. After quickly finishing the meal, I washed it down with the glass of water that was there. I'd definitely need more later on.
Hange observed me this whole time while I was swallowing down everything. I only discovered this fact after I remembered her presence as my food was gone. It seemed as if she wanted to tell me something so I sat across from her and faced her with attention. I needed a lot more information than I had and logically, now would be a perfect time. The Commander did say that I had a lot of 'catching up to do' after I confessed my lack of knowledge.
"So… are you ready to get a review of what's going on?" when I gave her a nod, she finally began.
Author's Notes:
I hope all of you are having an amazing day! I wanted to post a new chapter earlier but my part-time job kind of got in the way, so I really apologize for that! I feel like I could've added more stuff into this chapter but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting so here it is. I'll accept any criticism so please feel free to share your honest opinions. It only helps me become a better writer.
And I know that Hange's gender was never clarified by Isayama, but this is Hachiman's POV. So that is why she is being referred to with feminine terms in the story.
And now I'll respond to the reviews I've received in Chapter 2:
123ABIR123: Thank you very much for the continued support! And yes, Chadren and Hachiman's interactions will be interesting indeed…
Sarah9730: Yikes… sorry if I disappointed you T-T
WIC0: Hi! I didn't know about this novel so I searched it up and yes, it's not the exact thing but similar in ways. And it looks like Armin is doing well :)
gayleforclyde: Ah! Thank you! And yes you should catch up with the anime or manga, (I prefer the latter) if you are not looking to get spoiled.
Fernando917: No matter how many times he dies, his efforts will always be in our hearts!
KyngKena: I'm sorry but I don't exactly have an updated schedule. Although the maximum amount of time I want before I post a new chapter is two weeks, give or take a day or two.
BlinDead: You can either read the manga or watch anime. I recommend the manga since that way you won't get spoiled. And for pairings, it'll get interesting later on. Thanks for the support!
CloudIsSkies: Honestly I'm not a huge fan of the ending but I don't absolutely dislike it either. But rest assured! The ending will definitely be different than the one in canon!
Hachiman fan: Hey! I'm sorry for the disappointment. And yes I know in a lot of stories where the characters introduced at first become one of the main ones later on, so I wanted to keep away from that. And I'm glad you enjoyed that gender confusion part. This chapter should answer the last questions you have. You also stay safe and healthy!
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'll try to make the next one ASAP. And please do let me know if the characters are being too OOC. Until then, stay safe and take care!
