Hidden Depths, Part 2
They ate sandwiches for dinner, using groceries Hermione and Lily had picked up in a Muggle town near the Grand Canyon, since no one had enough energy to make anything more elaborate. Harry didn't mind the simple meal, until he realized it meant dinner was over almost as soon as it had started.
After Lily swallowed her last bite, Hermione cleared her throat and announced, "There's one more secret we've been keeping from you that we're ready to come clean about."
"Oh," Lily said, wiping her mouth with her napkin. She looked at James, who just shrugged. Then she looked at Harry, who took the opportunity to focus hard on Hermione. He didn't think he could handle seeing his parents' reaction to this news.
"I guess I should get right to it," Hermione said. "Harry and I aren't engaged."
Lily smiled. "Oh. Is that it?" She nudged Harry's side. "What are you waiting for?"
Harry winced. "Uh - actually…"
"I'm engaged to someone else," Hermione cut in.
"Wait, what?!" Lily exclaimed.
Harry could feel her eyes on him, but stayed focused on Hermione.
"You're not together?" James asked.
"No," Hermione replied.
"What happened? Why did you break up?" Lily asked.
"We've never been together," Hermione replied.
"What?!" Lily said, sounding appalled. "But you're so...coupley."
"Yes. We're very good at pretending," Hermione said simply.
Lily leaned forward. "Are you really telling me you've been engaged to someone else this whole trip?" Her eyes were sharp and her tone was stern. Hermione knew she was referring to all the kisses she and Harry had shared, and maybe even the incident with the mist.
Hermione felt a burn on her cheeks and neck. She wanted to look away, but forced herself to maintain Lily's gaze. Harry's hand appeared on her knee, under the table, and she gripped it tightly. "Yes," Hermione replied. "I know, um, at times we may have gotten carried away with - pretending to be engaged - but emotions have been high on this trip. Also, we've been in a foreign world in other people's bodies which has been quite stressful, causing us to turn to each other for comfort because we're - uh - familiar. Back in our world Harry and I are very close, but just as friends."
"That's your story then?" James asked.
Hermione returned his flippant question with a scowl.
Lily's brow was furrowed and she was gripping her chin, deep in thought. "Hang on," she said. "Maybe...you are good friends in the other world and have been in love for years without realizing it. Then you came here and were forced to see each other in a new light which...ignited something. And now...well...you're realizing you should have been together this whole time."
"No-" Hermione began to protest.
Lily cut her off and turned to Harry. "What do you think?"
Harry shook his head and said honestly, "I don't know." Hermione squeezed his hand painfully and he added, "Hermione's right. We're just friends. And she's getting married in the Spring to, um, someone else."
"And the fact that you're holding hands under the table right now," James said. "You don't think that speaks to anything more?"
"You two literally can't keep your hands off each other," Lily added as Harry hastily pulled his hand away from Hermione, "which makes sense for a young couple in love, or even a set of friends who just recently realized they love each other, but not for two platonic friends."
"It's not like that!" Hermione exclaimed. "We're just close. And I'm with Ron."
"Ron Weasley?!" James asked.
Lily smiled. "Is this a joke?"
"Yes, Ron Weasley and no, it's not a joke." Hermione said snippily. "I can't imagine it's a big surprise since he and the Hermione in this world were together briefly."
"No, they weren't," Lily said quickly.
"We saw a photo of them kissing! And - and you said Hermione slept with someone at Headquarters. Ron was there so…"
"Hermione was with Neville," Lily said.
"Neville?!" Harry cut in.
"Jealous?" James asked.
"No, uh, just curious," Harry said hastily.
"Neville?" Hermione repeated. "Not Ron?" She felt sick and quickly downed the rest of her water. When her glass was empty, Harry refilled it for her. She glared at him, trying to tell him with her eyes to be a little less attentive, at least for the remainder of this conversation.
Lily and James watched the interchange, but said nothing. "Hermione was with Neville at headquarters," Lily continued in a soft voice, "but it was never romantic. Everyone knew Hermione was desperately in love with Harry."
"Except Hermione and Harry," James provided.
"True," Lily laughed, "but Neville knew. They were just depressed and lonely, fearing they were going to die. That sort of thing was common in the war. Then, at the end, it turned out to be convenient that they'd been together, since Hermione needed the connection she'd established with Neville to complete that soul-bond reversal."
"I think we can add that to the list of reasons Harry was cross with us when he returned," James added. "That relationship never would have happened if he'd been allowed to live at Headquarters."
"But she would have had to sleep with Neville eventually," Lily pointed out. "Otherwise, how would she have done the spell?"
"Good point. I'm sure she would have found another way," James said thoughtfully. "Especially with Harry there. You can use magical objects to link souls. Consummating isn't the only-"
"Whatever," Hermione interrupted. "What about Ron? Are you sure he and Hermione were never together? Like I said, we saw a photo of them kissing at Hogwarts."
Lily shook her head. "I don't know about kissing. If I had to guess, it was some sort of dare, or perhaps an attempt to get Harry's attention, but those two never seemed interested in each other like that. They were like siblings, constantly bickering. Plus, they had nothing in common, their personalities weren't very compatible and as far as I could tell, they wanted very different things out of life."
"It's different in our world," Hermione said harshly. "Ron and I are very compatible."
"You don't sound so sure," Lily challenged.
Hermione just scowled.
"What does Ron have that Harry doesn't?" Lily asked.
Harry finally spoke up. "It's not like that. Hermione and I have never - we're not, um, attracted to each other, like that." Lily snorted, but he ignored her. "In our world we're the ones who are like siblings. But, like, not the bickering kind."
"Siblings must behave very differently in your world," James said.
Lily just snorted again, crossing her arms over her chest as she glared at Harry and Hermione.
"I understand this is a shock," Hermione said softly, speaking directly to Lily, "but you seem more upset about this than when you learned we were from another world. Why is that?"
"I am upset," Lily said sharply.
"Why?" Hermione pressed.
Lily sighed before straightening in her seat again. "I can forgive the deception. I can also forgive you for picking the wrong wizard in another world. Merlin knows you went through more there than any witch your age should, which could cloud your judgement. But I can not tolerate you sitting there and saying you don't feel anything for Harry when you obviously do. Deep in your heart," she finished knowingly, and Hermione knew she was referring to what she saw in the mist.
Hermione looked down at her lap. Harry wanted to hug her, but knew it wouldn't be a good idea so instead, said something to pull the attention away from her. "I'm engaged too."
"You're engaged?" James asked.
Harry nodded.
"To be married?" James pressed.
"Yeah. To, um, Ginny Weasley. Ron's sister. We're getting married in June."
Lily let out a laugh. "Funny."
Harry shook his head. "It's not a joke."
James and Lily froze and exchanged concerned looks.
"What?" Harry asked. He focused directly on his dad, who was looking at him sadly. "What's wrong with Ginny? Tell me."
James cleared his throat. "Ginny recently started dating a friend of yours."
"Who?" Harry asked, though he knew the name before his dad said it.
"Neville."
That dark feeling of loneliness hit Harry like a tidal wave. He scrambled to his feet and went to stand next to the outer wall. He placed his fist on the cold glass and watched a school of fish swim by. "I need air," he said hoarsely. Then, he realized they were miles underwater and there was no way to go outside and get air. "I mean, I need to go."
Hermione dropped her head in her hands as she heard Harry pounding up the stairs. "Hermione," Lily said gently, placing a hand on her arm.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Hermione snapped. She got to her feet. "I'm going to check on Harry."
Hermione bound out of the room but had no intention of following after Harry. Where else could she go? The sitting room at the edge of the sphere was dark and out of sight of the kitchen, so she went there and laid down on the couch. As long as Lily and James didn't come in here and turn on the lights, they wouldn't see her on their way upstairs, so this was as good a place to hide as any. Hermione grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and covered herself before lying back down.
She could hear Lily and James's voices echoing from the other side of the suite.
"This is too much," Lily was saying. "I refuse to accept this."
"It's not that bad. They fell in love with different people. It's a different world."
"No! Just - no. I already have to imagine him being raised by Vernon Dursley. Then acting as Dumbledore's puppet, fighting in battles as early as eleven, seeing death for the first time at fourteen, and searching for Horcruxes all on his own. He lost everyone who meant anything to him almost as soon as they entered his life, then walked to his death by himself. But at least - at least he found Hermione. At least she was looking out for him. That was my one solace and now - they took that away. It's not Hermione he's chosen to spend his life with but a fame-obsessed bint!"
"We don't know her."
"She's not Hermione. That's all I need to know. And they - they clearly love each other! Even if I didn't see it with my own eyes, I'd know from their story alone. She never left him and he - he always turned to her. And that bullshit about them not being attracted to each other." She scoffed.
James chuckled. "I know. Is that why they're always touching? Or always staring at each other? Let's not forget that passionate snog when she woke up after the mist."
"Or what the mist make her see," Lily added.
"Actually, it makes sense why it's so over-the-top," James said thoughtfully. "There's a lot of unresolved tension there."
"Why can't they see it?" Lily asked.
"I have a theory."
"What?"
Hermione waved her wand and the next moment, the voices faded. She didn't want to hear James's theory. They didn't understand. They didn't really know her and Harry and they certainly didn't know Ron and Ginny.
Even though Hermione knew, intellectually, that Lily didn't know her and Ron, she couldn't stop her voice from playing in her mind.
"They were like siblings, constantly bickering. Plus, they had nothing in common, their personalities weren't very compatible and as far as I could tell, they wanted very different things out of life."
"You came here and were forced to see each other in a new light which...ignited something. And now...well...you're realizing you should have been together this whole time."
"I can not tolerate you sitting there and saying you don't feel anything for Harry when you obviously do. Deep in your heart."
"No!" cried another voice in her mind. "It's not real. It's just these different bodies and this odd situation. It won't last." But the voice was weak and she couldn't keep it in her mind for very long.
A few minutes later, the lights downstairs went out and she heard James and Lily climb the stairs. Hermione turned and looked out the window, forcing herself to focus on the fish instead of the warring thoughts in her head.
She began counting them, trying hard to keep her mind on the fish and nothing else. When she reached 739, she fell asleep.
Hermione was awoken several hours later by a soft hand on her arm and someone whispering her name.
"Hermione."
It was Harry. Even though he was whispering and she was half-asleep, she knew his voice. She'd know it anywhere. She followed it out of her mind, floating past a torrent of half-formed thoughts and almost-remembered dreams to wakefulness. When her eyes fluttered open, she saw his head hovering near hers.
"Harry?"
"Hey. You should move upstairs, to the bed. I never meant for you to take the couch, but I crashed from the Stamina Potion. Sorry."
The events of the night started coming back to Hermione. Ginny was dating Neville in this world. Hermione and Ron had never been together. She'd been with Neville of all people.
She pulled herself to a sitting position, lying back against the armrest of the couch. There was a soft glow coming into the room from the sea outside. It was enough light so she could see Harry clearly, since he was close to her, but the rest of the room was mostly dark.
"How are you doing?" she whispered.
Harry took a seat on the ground between the couch and the coffee table. He took his glasses off, placed them on the table, and rubbed his face with his hand, groaning slightly. "I've been better."
Hermione pulled her knees up. "You can sit up here."
He waved her away. "It's okay. I didn't mean for you to stay awake. I just thought you'd want a more comfortable place to sleep. And a chance to change into pajamas."
"I'm okay."
They were quiet. Harry watched the fish swimming outside, which only looked like blurry shadows to him since he didn't have his glasses on, while Hermione watched Harry. Poor Harry. Hermione wanted to find the Ginny in this time and hex her. What had happened? She'd never liked Neville. Maybe this Ginny had fallen in with those shallow Gryffindors in her year. The ones the other Ginny had never had the patience for. Would that be enough to change her entire personality? Maybe.
After a few moments, Hermione stretched her legs back out and said in a low voice, "The Ginny in this time isn't the same as the Ginny in ours. For one, she never had that run-in with Tom. That was a huge, formative experience. And there are probably countless other differences. I know our Ginny loves you. For real. I - I know it."
Harry nodded, keeping his gaze on the sea outside. He looked dejected. But not completely broken, like she'd been expecting. Not like he'd looked after his parents had first found out about them and demanded they return to their world. That was a good sign, right?
Hermione reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. "How are you, really? You can tell me. What are you thinking?"
He laid his head back on her legs and stared at the blue light fixture over their heads. "Do you really want to know?" he asked the ceiling.
"Yes."
He turned his head to look at her. "Okay."
Harry pulled himself up and turned so he was facing Hermione.
"Are you sure you don't want to sit up here?" she asked.
"I'm sure. I wouldn't mind some of that blanket, though."
Hermione enlarged the blanket with her wand, then threw part of it over Harry's legs. He nodded in thanks and pulled it up over his shoulders.
"So, you want to know what I'm thinking…" he began. "I cycled through a hundred thoughts upstairs before I crashed, so it's hard to decide where to start… My first thought was that I can't believe Neville has been with both of my fiancées." He smiled slightly. "I sort of want to punch him but also...find him and ask him how he managed to snag Hermione."
Hermione smiled and shook her head.
"I know you think I'm joking," Harry continued, "but I actually had that thought. Then I thought, 'Are you seriously more upset by the news that Neville was with Hermione? Stop thinking about her! You're supposed to be thinking about Ginny.' So I forced myself to consider her, even though it was painful."
Harry leaned his side against the couch and Hermione watched a few tears fall down his face. He wiped them away quickly with the blanket. "Ginny…" He paused to let out a long exhale. "I love her. She's...brilliant, beautiful, hilarious, driven. Well...I don't have to tell you. But I knew even before this revelation about her and Neville something was off between us. I told you that last night. I've been thinking about it all day, during all that swimming, and I think I figured it out."
"Really?" Hermione asked.
Harry nodded. "This Neville bit is sort of like the last piece to the puzzle. And it feels almost like that, like something locking into place and it's...sad. Really, really sad, but also...freeing."
He was quiet for a while, just biting his lip and looking out of the window. "What did you figure out?" Hermione asked.
"I think we were both in it for the wrong reasons. Ginny, she's so ambitious and subconsciously, she knows she can get farther with me at her side. Also, I saved her. I think her feelings for me have always been clouded with a bit of hero worship. And I - I was looking for a family and, well, Ginny's a part of the only one I've ever known. We were sort of using each other, but I don't think either of us did it on purpose. But Ginny - she doesn't love me - not really. And I can't blame her, since I haven't given her a chance to. She hasn't seen all of me. I...hide the bad parts."
Harry propped his elbow up on the couch and rested his forehead against his fist. "The hard part is that a lot of it is real. We do love each other, and we get on so well (most of the time), but I can't marry her. I know I can't but then - when I think of telling her (not just her, but Ron and the rest of the Weasleys) - my hands start to shake and I feel as if I'm falling into some dark abyss, with no way out."
Harry placed his free hand on Hermione's leg. "I know it sounds dramatic, but, look there. It really is shaking."
Hermione grabbed his hand, which was trembling slightly, and squeezed it.
Harry took a few, shaky breaths and faced Hermione again. "And then my thoughts shifted back to you. Because...they can never stay away from you for very long." He looked down at their hands and began playing with her fingers. "I'm cross with you," he whispered.
"You are?" He didn't sound very angry.
Harry nodded. "I'm supposed to be focusing on my parents. I only have a few days left with them, but all I can think about is you, non-stop. I know it's not your fault, and that if it weren't for you we wouldn't even be here, but I'm still pretty bitter about it."
"Oh. Sorry."
Harry nodded and pulled his hand away from hers. "I also hate the other Harry, more and more each day, for getting to live this life. But then I wonder, if I took over his life permanently, would I miss my other life? I think so. I'd miss Teddy. And I'd probably miss the other versions of my friends. You, especially. I expect this Hermione is different from you and I - I wouldn't want that."
Harry stopped to wipe his eyes, then his gaze hardened. "And again, my thoughts drift back to you. Is it the same for you? Is your mind cluttered with thoughts of me?"
When she didn't answer, he closed his eyes and pressed his fingers into them as he let out a long sigh. "I can't stand how you're holding back about what's going on between us, but I get it. You're going through your own things and you don't owe me your thoughts. But you can have mine. That's all of them, good and bad. Actually...none of those were very good, so...bad and worse."
He laid his head on her legs and smiled up at her. "And right now, I need you to remember that pact you made before dinner to always be my friend, no matter what. Even when I'm sad and rambling and sharing stupid, unkind thoughts that make you uncomfortable. You promised to stay my friend but - perhaps you're regretting it now."
"I'm not." Hermione reached out and ran her fingers through his hair, attempting (in vain) to tidy it. He closed his eyes and his lips turned up slightly as she continued to stroke his hair.
"I've never told anyone all my thoughts before," he whispered, his eyes still closed. "Not without a filter."
She gave up trying to fix his hair and pulled her hand back. "You can tell me your thoughts anytime, Harry. Good, bad, and worse."
"I know." He opened his eyes and gave her a smile that was small, just a slight curl in his lips, but still made her heart skip. He was watching her with the same look of awe he wore when taking in a new Wonder. Hermione suddenly felt warm. It had nothing to do with the blanket or the fact that Harry was laying on her legs, and everything to do with that look in his eyes.
"I have one more thought," he said, his voice lower than normal. She shuddered at the sound of it. "Do you want to hear it?"
It took her a second to find her voice. "Is it good, bad, or worse?"
"Probably a mixture of all three."
Against her better judgement, she said, "Okay."
Harry sat up and shifted closer to her. "I'm in love with you."
Hermione's breath caught in her throat.
"I know you don't think it's real, but I'm sure it is. And you're thinking it's related to this realization about Ginny, but it's not. What my mum said is right. I've been in love with you for years and on this trip, something...woke those feelings up. And now...they're not going away.
"I love you because I can be myself with you. Because you're brilliant and beautiful and kind and brave. Because you always have a plan, until you don't. Because you've always been there for me, even when I didn't deserve it, and have always been the one I wanted most by my side.
"Because you never do anything by half (like deciding to come here just because you wanted a new job). I love you because you're afraid of heights, but not afraid of handing your wand over to a giant. Because you smile in your sleep, hum while you read, and get tears in your eyes when you watch my parents. I love all of you, Hermione. And honestly, it scares me, and it takes a lot to do that," he ended with a dark smile.
"Harry…"
"I don't want to hear your protests. Not tonight. Just...I was thinking it, and you asked what I was thinking, so...yeah."
Hermione's heart was beating so fast, she thought it was going to fall out of her chest. Harry was staring at her, his eyes more intense without his glasses, and she couldn't look away. He loved her. He'd been hinting at something like this for days, but she was able to pass it off as physical attraction or just a crush. Something that would pass. This...was harder to brush away.
Harry laid his head down on her legs again. He pulled the blanket up around him and closed his eyes. Hermione watched a few tears fall onto the part of the blanket that was covering her legs.
"Harry," she said after several minutes had passed.
"Yeah?"
"I'm ready to tell you what I saw in the mist."
Harry almost bolted upright, but forced himself to stay in place and keep his eyes closed. She was finally ready to talk and he didn't want to do anything to muck it up. He simply hummed.
Hermione reached out and started playing with his hair again as she spoke. First, she told him about the scene from the Department of Mysteries. He listened intently, cringing inwardly at the fake Harry's words. When she was finished, he was about to reassure her that that would never happen when she continued talking. She told him next about all the scenes from their past she was forced to relive but how he'd died in all of them.
When Hermione reached the end of her explanation, she had silent tears streaming down her face. Harry got up and gently pushed on her legs until she shifted them to make room for Harry on the couch. He sat next to her and took her face in his hands, placing one hand under her chin and the other on her cheek. "Is that really what you saw in the mist? That's your heart's deepest fear?"
She nodded.
Harry grabbed the blanket and began wiping away her tears. Then he pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I will never leave you. Not willingly, at least."
She nodded into the crook of his neck.
Harry rubbed her back for a few moments. When her breathing was calm, he leaned back and asked, "Is this your way of telling me you're in love with me too?"
Hermione's eyes were wide and pleading as she said, "I don't know."
Harry pushed back several curls that had fallen into her face. He got the feeling she did know, or, well, part of her did, but that she was determined to hide it from herself. She seemed just as terrified by this whole thing as he was. But he didn't want to pressure her into anything she wasn't ready for. He wasn't entirely sure what he was ready for.
"Okay. That's fair," he said gently. "Will you tell me when you figure it out?"
She gave him a teary smile, then leaned forward and hugged him again. "You'll be the first to know."
Day Twelve
Harry woke early the next morning, before anyone else was awake. He stretched his arms over his head and sat up on the couch (which he'd eventually convinced Hermione to abandon the night before).
He put his glasses on, grabbed his wand, then wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and shuffled into the kitchen to make tea. Once he had a warm mug in hand, he returned to the sitting room. Harry stood by the window and watched the sight of the underwater city waking up.
All the dwellings had glass walls, like this one, allowing him to see inside, though most of the bedrooms were clouded, so he could only peer into the main areas. He waved at a few fellow witches and wizards, but he didn't focus much on them. He was more interested to see how the merpeople lived and sought out all the orbs in the vicinity with floating figures inside.
His gaze settled on a larger home about six spaces down where a mother was swimming around the main room with a baby in her arms, holding a bottle to its mouth. Harry smiled inwardly.
"Anything interesting out there?"
He turned his head to find his mum coming into the room, yawning.
"Oh, um, I was watching this merwoman with her baby. She's swimming around as she feeds it and I was thinking of Teddy and how he was the same way. I couldn't get him to take a bottle unless I was bouncing him around. It was fine during the day but in the middle of the night, pretty exhausting."
"You were an easy baby," she said as she stopped by his side. Harry turned to look at her and saw tears welling in her eyes. She gave him a sad smile. "I can say you, and not 'other Harry,' because it really was you, that early on. You were both the same. The little boy who fell asleep on my chest with his tiny little mouth hanging open, who I would sit and watch for hours, that was you." Her voice caught in her throat and she had to pause to take a deep breath. "I'm not sure why that makes me so sad."
"It's all sad if you think about it for too long," Harry said.
She let out a small laugh. "Yeah."
They turned back to the window and Harry pointed out the dwelling with the mum and her baby. "Do you want tea?" he asked as he took another sip from his mug.
Lily shook her head. "I'll get some later."
They watched the merwoman swimming around with her child until she finally left the room, Harry guessed to try to set the baby down for a nap. He tried to imagine what a merbaby's cot would look like.
Lily leaned her head against his shoulder and said, "Tell me about Teddy. You must be pretty involved with his upbringing if you were doing middle of the night bottles. That's real dedication. Even Sirius wasn't that good a godfather."
Harry laughed. It was hard to imagine Sirius burping a baby. Or wiping spit-up off of his robes. "I've been keeping him overnight, at least once a week, since the end of the war. It's good for Andromeda to have a break and I - I never want Teddy to feel alone. I want him to know he has loads of people in his life who love him."
Lily wrapped an arm around him as Harry told her about Teddy. He explained that he was a Metamorphmagus, like his mum, and had blue hair most of the time, but changed it often, which made bringing him into the Muggle world tricky. Harry told her how Teddy could never seem to sit still and was going through a phase where he shucked his clothes off all the time.
He told her about a recent incident a few weeks ago when Harry had found him in the middle of the kitchen, playing with the entire contents of the rubbish bin. Teddy had also started climbing out of his cot and would fall asleep at the door, so Harry had to be careful when opening the door in the morning.
"Is this boring?" he asked. "You don't even know this kid."
She lifted her head off his shoulder and shook it. "It's Remus's son. I love it. Tell me more."
"Okay. We've started giving him haircuts and it's seriously like trying to shear a hippogriff. When it was just Ron and me trying it - we had to hold him down, because we were worried about using spells on him, since it could scare him, you know? So, Ron had him held down and I had the shears and was clipping little bits here and there, trying not to hurt him as he swung his head around, when Hermione walked into the room and burst into laughter. She intervened and had Teddy sitting quietly in a chair within ten minutes."
"What did she do? Bribe him with sweets?"
"No. Ron and I had tried that. She brought a Muggle television from her flat. It was like, well, magic. Which is ironic since none of the actual magic we tried worked to distract him."
Lily laughed. "Smart girl."
"The smartest," Harry added.
Lily turned and Harry could feel her eyes on him. He took another sip of his tea before facing her. "Do you love her?" she whispered.
Tears immediately sprang into Harry's eyes as he thought of the night before when he'd finally realized he loved Hermione. The thought had popped into his head without much fanfare and once it was there, he knew it was right. "Yes," he said hoarsely.
"And Ginny?"
Harry looked down at his tea. "She's incredible. I know you'd like her and I promise she's not just some shallow girl chasing celebrities. She's just not...for me. I knew before the Neville thing and even told Hermione I was considering calling things off during our last night at the Grand Canyon."
"Is that what you fought about?"
"Um. Sort of."
When Harry looked back at Lily, she reached her hand out and touched his cheek. "Have you told Hermione how you feel?"
Harry nodded and this time when he tried to blink back his tears, a few escaped and fell onto his cheeks. "I told her last night."
"What did she say?" Lily asked, brushing his tears away with her knuckles.
Harry just shook his head. "She didn't really say anything. But she's told me before she doesn't think this will last once we're back." He paused to sigh. "But she did finally tell me what she saw in the mist. You - uh - know, right?" He knew she knew, but had only learned that by eavesdropping.
"I know. Her deepest fear is losing you. That's proof that she loves you."
"I already knew she loved me. But that doesn't mean she wants to be with me. She also loves Ron. She's engaged to Ron and determined to go back and marry him, regardless of what happens in this world."
Lily dropped her hand from Harry's face. She bit her lip and stared into the glass. He recognized the expression Hermione got when she was solving a hard problem. "How long has she been with Ron?"
"Since the war ended. So, just over two years. But they've liked each other for longer."
"And how are they together?"
Harry snorted. "That's a loaded question."
Lily smiled. "What would you have said if I'd asked you at the beginning of the trip?"
Harry thought about the question as he finished off his tea. "Honestly," he began, looking out the window, "I would have told you I never understood them together. I mean, they say opposites attract and they're definitely that. And in some ways it's good. She pushes him and he calms her down. But I think it works more in theory than in practice."
Lily let out a small laugh and Harry turned to face her. "But they're my best friends," he continued, "and I'd do anything for them. And if they're happy together, I don't want to get in the middle of it."
"Do you think you can make her happier than he can?"
Harry dropped his head. "I don't know."
She nudged him in the arm. "Think about it. I know you're loyal and hesitant to hurt your best friend, but if you stop and consider it objectively, what do you think? Who's better for Hermione?"
"I think I can make her happy," Harry said to the floor, his voice barely above a whisper. "I think I can make her happier than Ron. I understand her better, always have. I'm more patient and can let the little things go. I know how special she is and I - I haven't always been good at this, but I'm learning more how to stop taking her for granted."
He sighed and looked back up at his mum. "But Ron loves her. He's loved her the whole time, as early as Fourth Year. And I don't want to hurt him."
Lily shook her head. "That's so odd, because he never showed an interest in her in this world. I wonder why it's different."
Harry had a theory, but it was unkind to Ron, so he kept it to himself. And even if Harry was right, he was sure Ron hadn't done it consciously. Harry took a deep breath and focused back on the sea outside. It was almost completely lit up and Harry could see several merpeople swimming around, presumably on their way to work. "I don't know what to do," he admitted.
Lily wrapped an arm around him. "Be patient. Hermione tends to cling to her plans because they give her life meaning and order, and this is a pretty big plan she's going to have to get rid of. And the alternative, being with you...I imagine it scares her."
Harry nodded. "It scares me too."
Lily hummed. "It's easier to stay with the person you love less. It's easier to commit half of yourself and keep the rest hidden. But to go with the person you love more than anyone, the one you'd give up all your family and friends for. The one you love so much that losing them has become your deepest fear. That's hard. She already has a brilliant relationship with you that's working just fine. Why would she risk disrupting that?"
Harry gulped. "You make a good point. Why would anyone risk it?"
Lily placed her hands on his shoulders. "Don't you go changing your mind on me. You risk it because when you find your person, the one you can really be yourself with, the one who loves you despite your flaws, you'll never be content to simply love them from afar. It might feel safe, but you'll be incomplete. And I know that up until this point you've been doing just that, keeping your distance to protect yourself, and it makes sense. You had so much other loss to deal with, you didn't need one more thing. But the war is over, everyone's moving on, and it's time for you to do the same. It's time to dive in."
She cocked her head toward the sea and added with a grin, "pun intended."
Harry shook his head. "You could have done without the pun."
"How about the rest of the speech?"
"Decent." He smiled. "Er - did the other Harry and Hermione have this problem?"
"No," Lily said simply. "They don't love each other as much as you two. And that's not a knock on them, they'll get there. But you and your Hermione have been through more together than most people will in a lifetime. I think that sped things along for you."
Just then, they heard movement upstairs. Lily linked her arm in his and led him to the kitchen. "Enough heavy talk. Try to put this out of your mind for a while. I'll work on her." She winked at Harry just as James entered the kitchen.
"Damn. I thought I'd waited long enough to avoid having to help with breakfast."
Lily rolled her eyes and muttered to Harry, in a low voice only he could hear, "On second thought, maybe it's better to just be alone." Her eyes were sparkling and when she looked back at James, Harry saw that look she reserved for him alone (admiration with a hint of exasperation) cross her features. James blew her a kiss before turning back to the stove.
Harry wanted that. This easy love his parents shared. They were so comfortable around each other and seemed to know instinctively what the other needed. He could get here with Hermione, he was sure of it. Unfortunately, she wasn't sure. Not at all. She was scared and she didn't trust him, which was fair, since he'd done a lousy job of putting her first the past few years. Well, he was done with that. Harry was ready to fight for her.
"Hey, James. Do you want to hear about Remus's son?" Lily asked, pulling a few items out of the fridge. "Harry was just telling me that he's a bit of a terror."
James's face lit up. "I'd love to hear more about him. What was his name, again?"
"Edward Remus Lupin," Harry replied, "but we all call him Teddy, after Tonks's dad. And mum's right. He's a terror."
James let out a laugh. He turned slightly, trying to focus on Harry as he spoke, and nearly burned his sleeve on the flames from the stove. Lily pushed him toward the table. "Just sit and listen to Harry. I'll take care of breakfast."
"Are you sure?"
She nodded and James looked like she'd given him box seats to the Quidditch World Cup. He pulled her into a giant hug, sweeping her off her feet, and kissed her. She laughed. "You're so dramatic. Now go sit before you burn this glass bubble down...which may not even be possible."
James was still beaming as he took a seat at the table. He stretched his legs out in front of him and motioned for Harry to continue. "Okay. Tell me about mini-Moony."
A/N: Heavy chapter. Actually, they're all going to be a bit heavy from here on. We have a lot going on. Hermione reconciling her feelings for Harry (and his for hers), Harry trying to figure out how to say goodbye to his parents, and Lily and James trying to impart as much wisdom as they can before their time is up. Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, we'll get the Ron/Ginny fallout when they return to their world. So...buckle in, folks! Full steam ahead on the Angst and Feels train!
Funny story: At this point in my draft I wrote, "I have no idea where to go from here." The response from my beta was, "Teddy turns werewolf and eats Ginny. A bit dark, but it solves a problem." Oh, Lancashire Witch...stick to editing! The next chapter will be posted Thur, Nov-25.