Submission to ShuYuka week 2021 day 1 - Firsts/Milestones. Enjoy!

I - First Impression

It was within the confines of the Dark Hour that they first laid eyes on each other.

Yukari still remembers vividly the way he looks that day, standing in the lounge with not a care in the world, the headphones pressed to his ears. Back then, her first impression of the boy is that he's just your usual emo kid who seems like the type that would infuriate her just so.

She was correct… at least, for the first few months.

After he risked his life saving them during the Full Moon, where they went in to Tartarus with her calling him out on his behavior – without caring about anyone, just doing things as told because he could with no reason to refuse – she learned from Yuuki himself that he is just afraid. Afraid of losing people close to him again (she knows of this, yet she doesn't try to understand him), he just closed himself off, sealed his heart within the glass box of indifference. One that he unknowingly wants someone else to break.

But now that she knows, now that she's aware, she's determined to break him out of the prison of his own making.

After all, that's what friends would do, wouldn't it?

II - First Hug

Knowing that her father is the one who caused the Dark Hour is heartbreaking.

Her belief has crumbled, her love questioned. And before she knows it, she finds herself staring into the dark sea, with the waves crashing relentlessly upon the lifeless shore.

She isn't sure how long she stays alone there, but is brought out of her thoughts when she hears the sound of sands shifting under a certain weight. And when she turns, Makoto is there, hands in his pockets, his face passive, cold—

—But not at all unkind.

She bites her lip hard enough until it bleeds, the blood and the scent of iron keeping her heart steady. And when he comes to stand beside her, she finds herself spilling out all the insecurities – and her anger – at him, without so much as reminding herself that he is the one who suffers the most because of all of this.

But instead of lashing back at her, instead of resenting her and her father for what he did, he just pulls her into a hug.

"Yuuki-k—!"

"Just keep believing in him," He murmurs, his voice soothing and calm. She could feel how his fingers cards themselves lazily in her hair, so warm and so kind. When she tries to pull away, her hand finds his chest, feeling his heart beating almost in time with hers – isn't it beating a little too fast? – so she looks up, and he's smiling; just a subtle quirk of his lips, nothing more. But his eyes are so soft and so kind, and she feels like she could get lost in them forever.

"How?" She asks, her voice rough. And when his hand finds her cheek – oh shit, his hand feels so nice – she realizes that she's crying. "How am I going to do that? And why aren't you hating me?"

"I could never hate you," He whispers, voice dipping into its lower octave. He holds her a little tighter, and oh, she never wants this to end. "It isn't your fault. None of this is."

And I'll stay by your side whenever you need me to, is what she feels from the way he shifts under her fingertips.

She laughs and cries and buries herself into his chest, so warm and so kind and so stupidly soothing, for once feeling like everything's not so bleak anymore.

III - First Date

It's a month later after Yakushima.

She's been hanging out with Makoto (not Yuuki, just Makoto, now) more – dragging him along to buy flowers, making him listen to her continuous tirades of complaints and being surprised when he doesn't seem to mind much that she's the only one talking.

What she remembers most, however, is how he defends her and stands by her, even though she tells him not to, even when she tries to push him away.

What did she ever do, for the cosmos to bless her with this person?

"You look deep in thoughts."

She's jolted out of her musing when his soft, kind voice reaches her, pulling her out of her own head and into the present. She's distinctly aware of the way his hand is on hers, fingers curling gently over her skin like snow's embrace.

She suppresses the urge to squeeze his hand harder, instead pulling her hand back and mutters. "Only a little, though. I'm surprised you'd ask me to come to the summer festival with you."

"And you agreeing to it," He echoes, his face as lifeless and passive as ever. But he's smiling, thin as it may, the way light reflecting off his feature so captivating, accentuating his features into the sculptures from place beyond time. "Why, though?"

"I mean, you're nice enough," She says, making her way through the crowd with Makoto following suit, the usual company of his music absent for the time being. She doesn't question it, counting her blessing instead as she twirls a lock of hair into her fingertips. "Besides, you asked. I don't see why not."

He only snorts, but says nothing more.

They visit every and all stalls there are, with him following her footsteps without so much as looking bored, instead sporting a subtle quirk of his lips all the while.

After a long time of them (mostly her) enjoying their time together in silence, he pulls at the end of her yukata's sash, careful enough not to tug it off. And when she turns, she's faced with that stupid half smirk of his, one that makes her heart skip a beat. "What?"

"Follow me," He says without so much as explaining why, jerking his head into the direction where there are no lights or people around. "Fireworks are soon, right? I know just the place."

"What place?" Yuraki questions as he follows him, his pace slow enough for her to catch up even with her wooden geta. "Makoto, hey! Where are you leading me to?"

He doesn't so much as dignify her with a response, instead keep walking with the low, almost inaudible hum of the song she's heard him listen to in passing thousands of times before.

After a while, she's greeted with a quiet pocket of space just to the side of the temple, the canopy of the great woods embracing them from above with cicadas' croons adorning the air. She hums, both surprised and captivated, before she turns to him for an explanation.

He smiles. Not just a small smirk, not an unseen grin, but an actual, whole-hearted smile that makes her face heat up uncomfortably. Then, he says," I've been here lots of times before. This… is the best place to watch fireworks."

No sooner than the words leave his lips, the sky lights up into multicolored-hued box of jewels that seem to have come out of the fairytale itself.

"They're beautiful," She says, her eyes training up at the display, the intimacy of the way they stand side by side briefly forgotten.

"Mhm. Very much so."

And oh, if she had looked to the side now, she would've realized that he's not talking about just the fireworks here.

IV - First "I love you"

She doesn't know when in the hell they actually start dating. Well, officially, anyway.

It might've been the summer festival, or it might've been a little before that. But the next thing she knows, she's already fallen for him, hard and fast and almost absolute in the way that makes her stomach dances with delight and sets butterflies loose in her chest.

He never rejects her offers to hang out with him, nor has he tried to push her away, simply letting her into his bubble of privacy that even Junpei is not allowed in. And feeling him so close, seeing the way he smiles – one that is genuine and free and with no need to hide, one that she only sees whenever they are alone together – they make her heart beats just a little faster, they make her soul flickers with joy she has never before felt for anyone or anything.

…Yep, she's probably very deeply in love.

"You look like you're thinking about something," Makoto says, drawing her mind back to the pleasant present again, and she stops herself from jumping by looking at him. He's sipping on a can of coffee, while his hand puts a none-carbonated fruit juice her way. She just accepts it as he hums, voice low and sweeping like a prayer to the stars.

"Well, I think all the time," She defends herself, ignoring the way his voice – one that seems to make her relax almost constantly – is sending shivers up her spine and down to her fingertips. "I'm just wondering when or why we are even a thing."

"I don't know, either," Makoto says after a moment, his expression soft and warm. Then, he looks at her, putting his hand above her own and squeezing just lightly, enough to make himself known. "But it's the best coincident I've ever had in my life."

She feels the heat creeping up her face, but doesn't try to push it away – there's no point anyway – before mumbling out. "…Same here."

"…I love you, Yukari."

She blinks, and blinks, the words sinking in slowly like the way spring wind seems to breeze through the air in early April. And she isn't too sure, but she thinks she is the one who lets out a squeak that makes Makoto grins.

"Wha-wha-wha—"

"I love you," He repeats easily, as if those words are the most mundane thing to say, his smile so soft and warm. And it melts her heart, nudging at the edge of her soul and pulling her towards him like a magnet, drawing her in like moth to the flame. And oh, she would gladly burn if it means she could stay closer to him still. "I don't know when it started, but… I don't want it to stop."

She still stutters on her tongue, but instead grabs onto his hand deeply, grounding herself. And even if her brain still couldn't comprehend this, her heart has known since the very beginning, now—

—That, yes… she has loved – and is loving – him for some time, now.

"…Yeah," She feels herself say, and his fingers twitch just a little under her palm. "I love you, too."

For the first time in forever, he laughs, light and free, as he squeezes her hand back gently.

"I see," He says, his smile widening just minutely. And his eyes are just so loveable like this. "…Thank you."

I should be the one who thank you, she muses, but doesn't dwell on it much, instead letting herself relax under his arm as he pulls her into a hug that could convey more than his words ever will.

V - First Kiss

They're hanging out on Gekkoukan's roof.

The wind is unusually calm and warm for the late summer, not blazing hot like the usual summer's breeze, but as gentle as the spring's draft. He's sitting right by her side, eyes closed, head tipped slightly backward.

"You know," She begins quietly, eyeing him as his lips quirk into a small smile, a hum rumbling deep in his chest as a way to acknowledge her words. She lets the sound linger between them a moment longer before putting her hand over his. "I've been thinking… what made you fall in love with me? I've been nothing but a bitch to you in the first few months."

He hums, the words trapped between his teeth, head tilting back and forth as he seems to consider her words carefully – like he always does. Before he speaks, he flips his hand upward, holding hers in between his fingers with delicacy as if he's handling a fragile flower. He then murmurs softly, his cheek dusted with nearly imperceptible layer of pink. "…You'd laugh at me if I told you."

"I'll try not to, promise," She says, trying her best to hide a small smile.

He snorts before squeezing her hand just a little tighter, shifting in his seat to sit up straight, gray eyes lingering on the skyline as he speaks. "I… actually felt attract to you since first we met."

She blinks. "Really?"

"Mhm," He hums, turning to look at her with a smile that is soft and gentle, one that makes her heart races in the cavity of her chest like a wild horse. He then pulls up her hand, placing a careful kiss on her knuckles, before letting his eyes fall back towards the far horizon. "It's silly, but… to me, when I saw you, you just… you feel like someone who's kind and warm and strong. Stronger than I ever will be."

She opens her mouth, only for him to stop her with another kiss, this time to the back of her hand, his breath inexplicitly warm and his lips velvety soft.

"I've always been… good at reading people," Makoto says against her skin, sending a shiver down her spine, making her breath hitches. "I just feel like you're someone I could trust. And… I don't know, I think I've fallen in love with you even before Yakushima."

"Oh," Is all she manages, looking down at her lap for something she doesn't quite know what. "I, um… wow, that's actually pretty romantic."

He only chuckles, his voice deep and calm. "I'm not doing it on purpose. But yes… I think I've been in love with you for some time. I'm just glad you returned my feelings."

"Of course I would," She says truthfully – of course she would. How could she not? To someone this warm, this kind, this compassionate? To someone that seems to love her despite everything that she's done, to someone that is much too kind for her? "I mean, it's you. How could I not fall in love with you?"

She feels him shift, his hand pulled back and away from hers. And when she turns, she could feel his breath on her lips as he smiles, another hand on her cheek, drawing little lines on her skin.

Time seems to stop, and he murmurs, "Thank you for loving me."

She replies with actions instead of words, pulling him in by the scruff of his neck, pressing their lips together in a way that she has imagined hundreds of times before—

—Softly, gently, as if there is only the two of them in the world.

VI - First Lost/First Tears

Makoto is crying.

He never cries – not when he's in pain, not when he's scared, not when he's sad. He rarely shows his true feelings, and even if he does, he never cries.

But here, days after Aragaki's death in the back alley, Makoto is crying; his voice is hoarse from all the tears and the silent scream he lets out, his body shaking with hiccups that refuse to stop, his eyes red and raw and his tears staining his face in a way Yukari never wants to see.

"Shh," She whispers, pulling him close, rubbing gentle circles on his back as he leans into her touch, hands pawing at her for purchase she couldn't provide. She bites her lip and murmurs. "Makoto, it's okay. We don't blame you for anything, you know?"

"If I hadn't—" He mumbles, words strung together with urgency that doesn't fit the calmness in the air. "If I hadn't hesitated, if I hadn't seriously been considering Takaya's—"

"Hey," She chides lightly, cupping his cheeks and wiping away the tears. "We all think of what he said, I promise you. It's not your fault, Makoto."

"But—"

"No buts," Yukari states, strained smile on her lips as she presses a kiss to his forehead. "Do you trust me? If you do, then believe me when I say that we don't blame you. None of this is your fault."

"…Okay," He murmurs, resting his head in the crook of her neck, all the energy seeping out of him as she feels his heartbeat calming down. "…I trust you, so…"

"Good," She hums, cradling him in her arms as he shifts into her embrace a little more. He's been there for her since the very beginning, and here – she will stay for his sake, too. "I'll be here for you, okay? You can lean on me anytime."

He hums softly, and for the first time since Aragaki's death, she feels his lips stretch into a smile on her skin.

"Thank you… Yukari."

VII - First Christmas

Everything feels like it's all coming apart at the seams, their reality threatened with the inevitable doom that is the Fall.

She thinks all of them had already made their choices – they will fight to the bitter end. Even if life is cruel, there is beauty in life, in the way that it seems to shine even in the darkest of times, in the way it blooms and blossoms even in the harshest of environment.

Life is painful, that much is true – but it has its own beauty that could never be replicated by any means.

"Are you sure you want to spend time with me tonight?" Makoto asks, hand tugged inside his coat's pockets, the MP3 dangling off of his neck as it usually would, the earphones draped over his form like a decoration. "If you want, you can call it a day. I don't mind."

"I want to spend the time with you," She says with a small smile that seems to help tug the corner of his lips up ever so slightly. "I mean, I've already made my decision. I don't need any more time to think about it, you know?"

"I see," He hums softly, offering her a hand, one that she takes without hesitation. "What do you want to do today?"

She considers his offer for a moment, not missing the way he tugs her hand into his coat's pocket, his fingers spreading warmth further than just her palm. She walks closer to him, until their shoulders brush, before she starts voicing herself out loud. "I am not really sure. I just want to walk around and look at the decoration or something. I just mostly want to spend the time with you—" She pauses when he looks at her, a fond smile gracing his lips. She blushes and mutters, "—What?"

"Nothing, it's just…" He begins, squeezing her hand under his coat gently as he pulls her a little closer still, enough for her to feel the warmth of his body. "I'm glad you are thinking of the same thing I am."

"That's good," She giggles, leaning her head on his shoulders, her ears picking up the soft sounds of bells and Christmas carols right around the corner. "Don't you ever let go of me, 'kay?"

"I never will," He hums softly, his grip on her hand tightening just a little bit more. "As long as I live and breathe, I'll never leave you."

(What she doesn't know now, is that they would soon run out of time.)

VIII – First Day of A New Spring

The wind seems to always tug at his hair as he lies in her lap.

He remembers everything before her, and during the month between the night of the Fall and the Graduation Day, she's forgotten a part of their love. Even if they remain lovers, it is different with and without the memories of the trials they faced together – he's always been there, risking his life for her sake, staying by her. A warm shoulder to lean on, a warm hand to hold, a kind voice to pull her into sleep.

She wishes she remembers sooner. But the best that she has managed to do is remembering right this morning, when a soft whisper of a lyre's melody echoes inside her chest, like a lullaby lulling someone (lulling Makoto) to sleep.

"Are you tired?" She questions, carding her fingers through his hair. He looks just as kind and warm as ever before, his eyes always so gentle and calm. "You can sleep for a bit, you know. Everyone will be here soon."

He hums, voice deep and sweeping low like a song to the stars. Each blink takes longer than the last, and she could feel Orpheus play his lyre in a way he rarely does – not like the song of battles as they race up the stairs of Tartarus, not like the song of doom and lost when they experienced one, but as a calm tune of spring wind.

(If she had placed her hand on his chest now, she would've realized that his heartbeat is starting to slow, even if it doesn't stop right away. She would've realized that he's tired, so tired, exhausted from the way he has to stretch his soul across eternity to safeguard all of their futures.)

"You can close your eyes, sleepyhead," She muses with a small smile, fingers tracing his hairline as he looks at her, eyes shining with adoration that she still doesn't know what she did right to the cosmos for her to deserve this. And she looks up when the door creaks open, to see the others running towards them. She nudges his head, and he turns to the side. "See? Everyone's here now. We would understand."

"…I love you," He says suddenly, his voice barely above a whisper, the notes low and melancholic. "I always have. And I always will."

She smiles a little more as he places his hand over her cheek, and she places hers on top of his, keeping his palm on her skin. "I know. I love you too."

And with that, he closes his eyes, the last of his worries (and his burdens) finally laid down.

IX - First Day Without You

He's gone.

Just like a candlelight, warm and gentle, his life is fickle.

One moment, he was there in her lap, sleeping peacefully. The next—

—The next, he's gone. Dead. Snuffed out under the heels of the Fate, one that is cruel and relentless.

"Makoto," She mumbles against the stale air of the room, the warmth of spring never makes it past her threshold of her (no, his) doors, the sunlight never shines through her (no, his. This room is his and she's here on a dead man's bed) drawn curtain. She lies on the bed, cold from disuse, the last trace of his kindness and his gentle light slowly seeping away through the edge of reality as the cold, harsh truth starts to settle in, unwelcomed and ready to shatter her brittle heart.

(It's already broken. By the lost of the one dearest to her, one she wishes would never leave.)

"Makoto," She repeats, as if his name would invoke his voice (his ghost, the illusion of him) to penetrate the barrier between life and death. "Makoto, why did you have to go? You promised me."

Such a childish fantasy she is having, really. How could he keep it, when he's dead and buried six feet under? How could he keep it, when he died without any of them ever finding out why?

His death is meaningless and it hurts, hurts, hurts.

It hurts to love him. She wishes she never does. Because it makes losing him even more agonizing.

(Lies, lies, lies. Loving him is never a mistake. Why would she think like this?)

The first day that she lives without him by her side, she cries herself to sleep.

X – First Visit

It's months later since his funeral that she ever steps foot on his grave.

It is very well kept, in no small part due to everyone taking their turns – and that includes those she doesn't know, those that he had met and formed bonds with, from a small child to a rowdy monk to a businessman – coming here whenever they have the time. Flowers are offered, words are shared, and memories are reignited under the sun.

It takes her a lot of courage to come here.

"Thanks for coming with me, Aigis," She says, turning towards the android (the one who inherited his power, his strength, and his heart) and smiling slightly. "I don't know how I'll ever come here without you."

"It's no problem, Yukari-san," Aigis states, her smile reminding Yukari so much of his. Kind. Gentle. Warm. Like the spring that welcomes all with open arms. "Then, I'll wait by the entrance."

"Huh? Aren't you going to talk to him too?" She says, even though the notion sounds silly and outlandish, suggesting talking to a person who's already long gone. But they both think – know – that somewhere, somehow, he would be able to hear them still.

"I can do that later. I did have to run errands for Mitsuru-san around here often, after all," Aigis replies, her eyes shifting to his grave before offering the cold stone a bow. "You deserve some alone time with him, Yukari-san."

"…I see," She mumbles. "Thanks."

Once Aigis leaves, she puts the bouquet she's brought with her down before him – collections of pink and red camellia (I long for you, and you're the light within me); an unusual combination, but one with the meaning she thinks he would appreciate the most.

"I'm sorry I hadn't come here before," She starts, scratching her cheek and recalling all the shameful memories of her fighting to change the past, fighting to do something as outrageous as maybe allowing Death to descend just to stay with him moments longer. "It's been… rough, without you."

The wind blows, ruffling her hair and sending a single petal flying. She smiles.

"I just wanna say that, hey, I'm alright now. You don't have to worry, okay? I know you would. You're the kind that wouldn't show but would fawn over me about the littlest of things."

She laughs, and then smiles.

"So rest easy now. You deserve it. I love you, Makoto."

When she wipes the single drop of tear away, she hears the sound of wind chimes ringing across the area, and her eyes focus on a single butterfly with its glowing azure wings as it flaps away into the wind.

I know. I love you, too.

The voice is soft and distant, but unmistakeable. And for a moment, she thinks she sees him standing there before her, with his hands tugged in his pockets, and his smile as soft and kind as ever before.

She smiles as he disappears along with the butterfly.

"I have always loved you, and I always will."