"Will you find out where he is going next?" The peanut butter sandwich tasted as bland as it looked, the white bread was a few days older than expected and added a slight crunch to the bite. If one was to look into the meal closely, they would say that it was a meal made from loneliness and they would be correct.

Natasha Romanoff was lonely. That was an understatement. For five years, Natasha has done nothing but search and search and search…for him. He was family. As fucked up as her family has been the past few years, he was family and she would never abandon a brother. Clint Barton lost everything, they all did, but he took it the hardest. He left behind what he knew, what he had left and hunted and slaughtered cartel gang members in Mexico. Natasha had an idea as to why he turned, why he became a killer. She understood. But, it wasn't him. And he had left her.

It wast the fact that he left her alone, Natasha could deal with being alone for days or months on end, but it was the fact that he left her because he had nothing left. She thought she was his family too. He abandoned her like she was just some passing figure he met at a coffee shop. That was far from the truth. Still…it felt like it.

"Nat…" James Rhodes softly started. He knew it was futile to get natasha to give up. He didn't want to either, but Barton was getting more dangerous and more frenzied. Eventually he would forget who he was before the snap, before he lost everything.

"Please." She whispered. He chose to ignore the tears sliding down Natasha's cheeks, knowing that consoling her would do nothing but bring annoyance to the woman. She was too strong to accept comfort from another.

With a nod of his head, Rhodey disappeared from view, his holographic image shutting off with the click of a button.

Natasha watched as Tony Stark's best friend disappeared from sight before she took a deep breath and let the tears escape, covering her face with shaking hands and closing her tired eyes. She broke down with uncontrollable sobs. She wasn't crying just for him, she was crying for the situation that they have all been put through. She was crying because they had lost. They had been defeated and that never happens. They won. They always won and to lose was something tremendously big. It was devastating.

She let her lips tilt upwards at the sound of footsteps entering the room, knowing exactly who it would be and knowing exactly what he would do.

"I'd offer to cook you dinner, but you seem sad enough already. We both know my cooking is still boiled…well, everything." Natasha slid her hands down her face, wiping away the tears before connecting her green eyes with Captain America's blue irises. She smiled a small smile of appreciation for his attempt at humouring her and she can tell that he knew he failed.

"Come by to do your laundry?"

"And to see a friend."

Natasha sighed, exasperated. It was the same old conversation every time with Steve. One that circles them weekly. "Clearly, your friend is fine." She crossed her arms over her chest and kept her posture straight, trying not to relax to much for she may break down for a second time that day.

"I beg to differ." Steve replied, setting his coat down on a chair opposite her. He stayed standing and glanced over Natasha's face, her tired eyes losing their bright light, her cheeks losing their rosy tinge. "Have you been sleeping?" He already knew the answer.

"What do you think?" Steve sighed and walked around the table to stand in front of her. He perched himself on the edge of the table, looking down on his friend.

"I think…" He sighed again. "I think you are punishing yourself. I think you are forcing yourself to stay awake and search and search, already knowing the answer to your questions so that you can run from the truth." Steve placed a hand on Natasha's shoulder giving a slight squeeze of comfort, knowing that she would be uncomfortable with any other motion. "You know the answer Nat, we all do. We can find him, we can try and help him, but he's gone, he doesn't want to come back. He's done with trying to be the good guy." Natasha stayed silent and after a beat, shrugged of Steve's comforting hand. She stayed motionless for a split second, then broke down crying for a second time, hating herself for being so weak. Natasha leant forward and covered her face with her hands. A way for to keep some dignity about herself knowing that it was a useless tactic.

"You know, I spotted a pod of whales coming over the bridge." She liked this tactic, a diversion.

Natasha kept her face hidden but put a tone of surprise in her voice as she asked, "In the Hudson?" Steve hummed his answer.

"Fewer ships, cleaner water. Just saying, there is still a world out there." There it is, Natasha thought to herself. The elastic band. Say one thing to take her mind off of it and bring her crashing right back towards the conversation. He could never let it go.

Natasha sat upright, rubbing her hands on her leggings, wiping away the salty water from her palms. A death stare was given, "If you're about to give a speech on how to look on the bright side, I'm about to hit you with a peanut butter sandwich." Steve chucked and looked down at the sandwich in question, perched on the table next to him.

"Sorry. Force of habit." Steve crossed his arms and relaxed his neck, resting his chin on his chest, taking a deep breath. Finally leaving his façade behind.

"I don't know how you do it." Natasha whispered, leaning forward slightly to catch his eye. He barely moved.

"I guess I don't know how not to."

"Me neither."

After a long moment, Steve looks up at her, eyes tired with tears brimming the edges. "I keep telling them, move on. Grow past it. And some of them actually do. But not us." Natasha gave a soft smile, knowing exactly who he was talking about.

"If I move on, who does this." She gestured around her towards the paperwork, the building in general.

"Maybe it doesn't need to be done." Steve said it so softly and quietly, Natasha had to lean in further and strain her ears so she could hear. Natasha took what he said seriously, realising that Steve is on the verge of giving up. To Natasha, Steve giving up would be the start of the entire team slowly giving up. One by one, they would follow, like they always have. They would move on, never try again to find the ones they have lost. In a way, it was heartbreaking.

Natasha took a breath, stood up and took a good look around her. With a willpower she didn't know she possessed and an emotion she would never let herself feel, Natasha took half a pace forward so that she was stood in between Steves knees. She placed a few fingers below his chin and gently lifted his face to look at her.

What she saw was something that would be ingrained into her memory for as long as she lived and she dropped her hands to her sides in mild shock. She had seen Steve Rogers cry before. He wasn't against showing emotion. But what she saw on his face was everything some could feel altogether. Anger in the clenching muscles of his cheeks, sadness in the dull sparkle of his tears, eyebrows tensed with frustration. It was a face to remember and one she never wants to see again on his face.

"I used to have nothing. Then I got this. This job, this family. And I was better because of it." Natasha paused, collecting herself. Taking a breath. "And even though they are gone, I am still trying to be…better."

"I think we both need to get a life." Natasha let out a puff of air in amusement, and Steve smiled as the cool air grazed his cheeks.

"You first." She whispered back.

They both stare at each other for a melancholy moment, lost in their thoughts of 'What If's.'

"I could, you know." Steve paused, grabbing a hold of Natasha's hands that hung down by her side as she still stood between his legs. "We could." He tugged on her hands just slightly, causing her to shift forward that one inch closer. They both went silent. The option was there and they both knew that they could take it. Live a happy life together. Start something new. They have been friends for years. Partners for longer. The next step was to only progress that relationship into something more, surely?

"Steve…" Natasha whispered, ready to object. She tried to pull away, she knew what he was asking and she really, really wanted to give it to him. Over the years, he was was the only other person, apart from Clint, that she could confide in. If she lost Steve as well, she doesn't think she could actually survive it. She managed to move away, her side facing him, but he still had a hold of her right hand and he wouldn't let go. He was gripping it tightly, rubbing circles with the pad of his thumb on the back of her hand. In her head, Natasha was thinking that if they go through with this and it doesn't work, they would have ruined a perfectly good friendship, it would be awkward. But, on the other hand, Natasha is thinking that she could be happy. She could live a semi-normal life with Steve and put everything she has done behind her because Steve never cared about the red in her ledger or who she has killed or how murderous she could be. He never cared.

It what made her pause, and not pull away even further. Over the years, they have grown closer. It is probably inevitable that they would end up together. But could she put him through everything that she can't give him. He wants a family, she can't give it. But the other side of her subconscious is telling her that they can have it, there are ways around it.

"Nat…?" She turned slightly, back towards him, only to pause once more. Debating. "I know what you are thinking." Steve whispered. "I don't care. And I think you should know tha-" He choked on his words, "that I…I love you." He paused. She stopped breathing. "Whether that be romantically or platonically, to me it doesn't matter. I love you, Natasha Romanoff and I want everything with you." Steve pulled on her hand gently, rotating Natasha to face him. She still looked away, concealing the tears and the answers in her eyes. "You are it for me. And you have been for a while."

Silence.

That was all that Natasha could give Steve in that moment. She was frozen and the different possibilities of her future were racing through her brain like a train missing a station.

Her silence wasn't an answer. Steve knew that. But it was an answer for now.

Gently, he released her hand and stood up from the table that he was perched upon. He leaned forward and placed his lips behind Natasha's ears. "I love you, Natasha Romanoff." He kissed her cheek then he walked away, grabbing his coat as he walked past the chair on the other side of the table.

Steve was too focused on his path to leave the building that he missed the quick patter of soft feet behind him.

Natasha only needed a second moment to think before she came to the conclusion that throughout her time of knowing Steve Rogers, he has always been there for her. No matter the situation, no matter the mission, and he was everything that anyone could ask for. Kind, gentle, chivalrous. And her mind was made up.

Before Steve could leave, Natasha reached him with quick steps as he pressed the button for the elevator to the ground floor.

Steve was startled at the forceful pull on his right shoulder. He was forced to turn around. Steve had a question on his breath, ready to interrogate Natasha, but he saw her face and held his tongue. There was a pause and Steve was about voice her name but before he could move, or say anything, Natasha crashed her lips upon his.

Steve was so surprised, he ended up dropping the coat he was holding to the floor and grabbing a hold of Natasha's shoulders. The kiss was forceful, and Steve had to take a step back, his back hitting the closed doors of the elevator.

Steve came to his senses and took control, inwardly laughing at the fact that Natasha would hate not being in control.

He pushed himself off the wall and spun them around, crushing Natasha to the doors of the elevator. She gasped at the impact and gave Steve the opening he was looking for. Steve pressed his tongue into Natasha's mouth, moaning at the sensation that he's longed for for a while. He glided his hands from her shoulders to her cheeks and softly caressed the skin there.

After a few seconds Natasha released her hands from his hips and reached for the nape of his neck, tugging on the ends of his hair, crushing her body impossibly closer to him. It was a sloppy kiss burning with unresolved passion.

Unexpectedly, Steve's right hand drifted from Natasha's cheek to her hip and she moaned as his hand connected with he bare skin of her hip bone.

After telling herself it was a bad idea to involve herself with the Captain, she now knows that she would never, ever get enough of this. The feeling of the warmth of his lips, the grip of his hands, the taught muscles under his shirt. He was a drug to her, and nothing would be able to change that now.

The ding of the elevator went unnoticed to the pair, and Natasha fell through the doors, pulling Steve along with her. She crashed into the back wall, pulling Steve impossibly closer to her. She wanted him, and now that she has admitted it to herself, she can't let go.

Natasha slowed the kiss to a peck and she leaned her forehead against his. Their breathing was laboured and their hair and clothes were in disarray . But neither cared. Steve was smiling softly, his eyes still closed, amazed at what had just happened.

"I love you, too" Natasha whispered. He almost missed it at how quiet it was, but he smiled because he knew that she meant it. Steve leant forward and connected his lips to hers for a soft kiss, not needing it to go any further. There was time for more another time.

He was about to say something, but Friday, with her impeccable timing, chimed into the elevator. "Captain?"

"What is it, Friday?"

"Scott Lang is at the front door, shouting impatiently." Steve's eye burst open in surprise