Speech: "Like this"

Thoughts: 'No like this.'

Chapter 5

"-UUUUUUUUUUCK!" Finally, after finding a nice quiet place, I let my thoughts loose.

"THIS IS BULLSHIT. I DIE, AND I GET PUT IN SHINJI? NOT SOMEONE ELSE? Well, at least it's not Shirou, even those who I would like a cooler hairstyle-that are BESIDE THE POINT. WHOEVER PUT ME HERE. WHAT THE FUCK, MAN? YOU COULD HAVE PUT ME IN SOMEONE ELSE LIKE KIREI-actually I don't think I'm ready for that type of trauma-OR KAZUKI-actually that's the same. As Kirei-OR HELL KIRITSUGU_wait, why are all the guys I pick are fucked in the head in some way?" Ranting and raving to the sky like a madman picks up random things and throws them at the trees around me.

After a few more minutes of yelling and throwing things, I fall backward and lay on the ground ignoring the discomfort and twinge of pain from landing so roughly. "You could've given me something to help me out like wheres my cheat item, you asshole I would like to not die because of my eventual slip up around worm dick grandfather there'll be only so much crap I can take before I blow my top and out myself as abnormal to the already abnormal normal."

After complaining, something flew at me and slapped me in the cheek with enough force to make my head entirely to the left. "Jeez, the fuck was that?" looking around, I see a small bundle of something. Taking a look around, I pick up the bundle unfolding it to see only a note and a card.

Holding up the reads: Ok for the sake of not hearing you complain to me every time, I'm just going to throw you a bone so you can entertain me, so here's a card, oh, and did something to your eyes as well—your welcome.

Sincerely, The asshole who put you here.

p.s.:Also try to have some fun and not be a stick in the mud. I'm trying to be entertained here, not watch you eventually get tortured because you blew your top at the wrong mage.

And with that, the note turns to dust and blows away, stuffing the card into my pocket; I lay back down and start to doze off and go to sleep cause fuck it, I need some time to think, and I haven't had a nap in a while.

After about an hour of sleeping, I get up and start going home while I think about everything that just happened. 'So the asshole who put me here gave me something that looks like a class card, and he did something to my eyes? They most likely provided a set of Mystic eyes. Hopefully, they're good.' With that thought, I pulled out the card Asshole (that's what I'm calling them now) gave me earlier and looked it over.

"Hmm, that's strange; it looks like a class card but has nothing on it to show what class it is. Does that mean I can use it to call any servants I want, or does it mean I have to find a servant and absorb it? That sounds like a lot of work, not going to lie…...oh well fuck it, I can think more at the house. Let's get lost for another hour or two."

Actually, it only took me about an hour and a half to get back here, surprisingly. Maybe my mystic eyes are a universal GPS. 'Ha, that will be fun. I'd fuck with everyone with that power.' Losing the smirk forming on my face, I push open the gate and walk to the door, opening it as well. While looking around and seeing no one and thinking I'm in the clear, I walk to the kitchen for something to eat when I hear the worm.

"There you are, Shinji. I was worried that something would have happened to you."

'Jesus fucking christ' Jumping slightly, I turn to see Zouken at the top of the stairs looking down at me with what I can only assume is a fake concern. "Ah, hello, Grandfather, I just got turned around a few times. Nothing terrible happened while I was out."

Zouken-I think he narrowed his eyebrows? It's hard to keep staring at ugly for so, long but I guess he narrowed his eyebrows as he took on a stern look. "Well, be careful next time and try not to be out too late again." After he said his peace, he turns around and leaves, going wherever he goes, and I go to the kitchen to eat.

After eating and taking a long shower, I sat at the desk looking at a book about something about an anges affinity or something. I went back to the note Asshole sent me. 'Hmm, have fun and don't be a stick in the mud, huh...should I really follow the word of some asshole who threw me in Shinji and told me to have fun?... Actually, that does make sense. Being too serious would be bad for me cause I'll say something that might tip Worm Dick off about me. Then he'll start watching me more till I eventually let it slip that I know about future events, and that will lead to a terrible life, so until I leave this house for good, I'll keep up the uncertain, creeped out, and scared act. Hopefully, it won't be long till I find the opportunity to leave this place.'

I decided to have a fun life after leaving this place; I put the book I was looking at away. I then turn off the lights and slip under the covers making new plans to try and burn this house down.

~2 Months Later~

(A.N.:Forgot to put down that the story started a week after summer vacation.)

So it's been two months of acting creeped out and scared (Not that it's been a hard thing to pull off.), but something finally popped off a week before school. Byakuya finally kicked the bucket….I was going to say something sad or endearing to him. Still, I didn't really care about him, seeing as his only friend was the alcohol bottles, no one was unhappy at his passing, but seeing as I was the only normal one in this house, I acted a little sad at Byakua's death, so I left for a while and went back to the spot in the forest that I used previously to vent my frustrations.

I had nothing to do, so I just sat there on the ground, cloud watching and thinking to myself. 'Maybe I should use this time to leave this place. I still want to learn some things from Kiritsugu, but after that, I'll have to go out and find Kazuki, or I could just wait for him to come here then get some training from him while I stay at Shirou's place, but then I'll have to suffer Shirou and all of his crap about being a hero of justice. Still, on the other hand, his cooking is good, and I could have some fun teasing the shit out of him and pushing him towards Rin, wait am I even in the UBW route? or am I in Heavens Fell? Shit, I should've watched Heavens Feel before I died. Now I'm screwed if it is causing all I know about that route is Sakura took "Notice me Senpai" to a whole new level-Wait how long have I been here just thinking about random shi-' I cut off my train of thought as I hear footsteps walking towards me, getting up I look towards the sound.

"There you are, mongrel. You kept me waiting." Looking at the man standing before me, I could only think one thing.

'Fuck me, of course; it's Gilgamesh.'

A.N.:And finally, I post chapter 5. I think while I was working on this one and other ones, I kind of lost sight of the original premise of what this story was going to be. I think it was supposed to be serious, but I couldn't find it in me to keep going that way, so I decided to change some parts of the story. Also, of course, constructive criticism is always appreciated.