Chapter 4: Painful Memories and Fallen Masks

Memory is a driving force wherever one goes. Whether people do things to recapture the memories of halcyon days, or try to make a better future for memories to be made in, it is always done in the name of memories. But some memories we run away from, some that can't help but hurt. Everyone has their fair share of them. I am no exception.

NERV-2, Neue Berlin, 2012

Daniel Theisman stepped off of the plane emblazoned with NERV's logo on it with a rather heavy heart. Even with the promise that he would keep in touch, it was hard to see Shinji so sad. But he had made such progress, too. Daniel was confident that Shinji would be far removed from the frightened, lonely, confused young man he could have been. Yes, already this world would be different from what he had known before. Very different.

Daniel thought about simply calling Shinji already, but it was nearly midnight in Japan, by his reckoning. Shinji needed his sleep as much as he needed companionship. For now, he could wait a little longer. It wasn't as though 3 years would escape his notice, after all.

With that, he turned to look out the window at NERV-2, built on the pre-Impact ruins of the town of Werneuchen. It was a sprawling, modern place, broken up by houses and taverns built in the classical style, one of the last grips on the old German culture that had slowly begun to die in this broken new world. Rising as the most prominent sight of all was the Stahlturm, the world's second-ever arcology, and NERV's headquarters in the region. It was a massive hexagon, 3 miles wide and 5 tall, narrowing as it reached the top.

Daniel couldn't help but appreciate the sight. For all the things he had seen, it was still monuments to human grit and ingenuity such as this that held a special place in his heart. As he made his way to the gate, walking past the sign that proclaimed 'Welcome to Neue Berlin' in many different languages, he began to scan the gate area. There was someone here who was waiting for him…

There she was, unmistakable for her almost purple hair. She wore her trademark red jacket and black dress and stood relaxed while checking her phone. Yes, that was Captain Misato Katsuragi.

Unbidden, an image shoved its way to the forefront of Daniel's mind. One of that same Major, slumped dead against an elevator door as she lay surrounded by dead JSSDF soldiers. 'No,' he thought sternly, as he banished the image from his mind. 'No. That won't happen here. Not if I have anything to say about it.'

As he approached, the Captain looked up from her phone, noticing him. She straightened, coming to a rather close approximation of attention.

"Captain Katsuragi, I presume?" Daniel asked as he extended his hand, which she accepted.

"The one and only." She replied, smiling as she gave a firm handshake. "And you're our new head of engineering?"

Daniel nodded. "Yes, ma'am. I'm Daniel Theisman."

She nodded. "Very well, Daniel. If you'll follow me."

They made their way to a sleek, black sports car sporting the Mercedes-Benz logo.

Daniel whistled appreciatively. "That's quite the car you have waiting for little old me."

Misato nodded, clearly satisfied with Daniels' judgment. "Yep. This is a 190E, an EVO-II. One of M-B's last cars before Second Impact drove them under. I found her for dirt cheap in a yard waiting to be scrapped, and I just had to save it. Got her fixed up decently for cheap too."

Daniel nodded with a small smile. A car aficionado, as expected. They got in and began to drive towards the Stahlturm.

As they drove, Daniel noticed a rather prominent absence. "So, having read up on what files I was given," he said, "you're also the caretaker of the pilot for the vehicle I'll be taking care of?"

Misato nodded. "Yep, that would be Asuka. She wasn't able to come along because she's on campus right now, so you'll probably meet her sometime soon. Let's get you to your flat in the meantime."

They entered the Stahlturm on the ground floor and began following the road as it spiraled up the sides of the arcology. They got off the highway on the 2nd floor, entering a residential area, with flats stretching from the floor to a ceiling half a mile above.

"We're packed in pretty tight here, as you can see," Misato said, noting Daniel's apparent wonderment at the sight. "But we at NERV do have a few blocks to ourselves." They drove past a sign with NERV's logo on it, entering the area Misato had spoken of. Indeed, they did have 3 or 4 of the massive flat buildings to themselves.

She stopped in front of a building labeled 'Block B, Section 1' and parked in the available lot. "Being head of engineering has its perks," Misato said as they stepped out of the car and walked toward the building. "For one, you're on the ground floor of this building, so you'll be able to get to the ground floor quickly, where we are. There are motorized walkways which will get you to the elevators, and if you ever get lost, which you will," she said with a sardonic grin, "there are interactive maps scattered around the place. Use them! If they can save my life from a lot of annoyance, they can save yours too."

Daniel nodded, a small smile playing across his lips as they reached his door, Room B-1-00006. Misato handed him the keycard for the door, which he opened and entered the surprisingly spacious apartment.

His meager possessions had been stacked up against the wall by the door, including the two guitar cases which protected treasures worth far more than most anything else here. Misato noticed them and nodded towards them. "You play?"

Daniel nodded. "You seem to have a passion for cars. My passion is music." He stopped by the cases, touching each in turn. "My acoustic, a Gibson J-45. And my electric, my very first Fender Stratocaster. I've had her fixed up a lot since I got her years and years ago, and she sounds as good, maybe even better than guitars 3 times her price now."

Misato nodded with a small smile. "Well, I'll trust that you know you're talking about."

She dug around in a small bag she produced from inside her jacket, handing him a few more small things. "Your ID. Your Stahl-Card," she said, handing him a dull grey credit card, "for your purchases here, and a packet from the commander to get you completely up to speed. Commander Leutenhahl wants to meet you at "your earliest convenience", so don't take too terribly long studying."

Misato shook his hand once again. "Well, Daniel, welcome to NERV-2."

Daniel thanked her as she turned and walked back out the door, leaving him in solitude. He went to sit on the couch, leafing through the packet before tossing it on the coffee table and sitting down. It was mostly things that he had seen before, the Evangelion project, the possibility of the Angels, and NERV's general mission to protect Earth. He had been all too close to many of those things.

. . .

So he rested for a little while, unpacking a few minor boxes and getting out his acoustic guitar to play a few songs. After a decidedly decent rendition of 'Hotel California', he decided to send Shinji a quick text. He would see that in the morning, at least.

At last, satisfied with what little progress he had made in moving in, he decided it was time to see Commander Leutenhahl.

After a half-hour of the promised motorized walkways and elevators and the help of the interactive map, Daniel made his way to the NERV Main Campus, a sprawling complex that easily took up a third of the ground floor. With some direction from those he could ask, he finally made his way towards the Command Center, and into the office of Commander Karl Leutenhahl.

It was a decidedly spartan affair, bare for the most part save for the NERV logo and a scattering of military accouterments, medals, and pictures dedicated to days long past, along with a single uniform of the now hollow Bundeswehr, an Army uniform from what he could tell.

Commander Lutenhahl himself was clearly still a military man even in the NERV uniform that he wore, well-toned even as his age showed in his mostly silver hair. A well-trimmed beard framed an angled face, with a sharp nose and discerning grey eyes. He studied Daniel intently as he entered the room, standing as he approached.

"Mr. Theisman," he said with a surprisingly warm, mellow voice, as he reached out his hand for Daniel to shake. "I've been expecting your arrival for some time."

Daniel shook the proffered hand. "I'm glad to know that I'm expected."

The commander nodded. "Please, sit. With Mr. Hansen's retirement, we have been hoping for some fresh blood for a little while. Let's go over your record, shall we?"

"Yes, let's." Daniel nodded as Lutenhahl pulled out a packet that contained his "record". It had taken some doing from outside to make that record reality here, he thought, but the work he'd done should hold up.

The commander reached for a pair of reading glasses as he opened the record, adjusting them as he flipped to the relevant pages. "So, you were military as well, U.S. Army Motor Sergeant. Served in South America during the Impact Wars?"

Daniel nodded. "Yes, sir. Delta Company, 2nd Armored Division. The best damn tanks in all of Brazil for the 2 years I was there."

Lutenhahl nodded. "As a field maintenance team commander, you've probably had some experience in both repairs and their administration."

Daniel nodded in turn. "Yes, sir. As much as I loved the Abrams platform, it could be a real pain sometimes when it broke down."

Lutenhahl chuckled. "I don't doubt it."

Commander Lutenhahl stood, motioning for Daniel to follow him. "Come with me. I don't like to sit in my office all day, and I would like to show you what you're servicing, as well as introduce you to your new team."

Daniel stood, and followed him out. As they walked, Leutenhahl continued to speak. "You're familiar with the concept of giving your all to fix something that has been broken. That much is certain, and that applies everywhere, whether under the chassis of a vehicle or at the forefront of putting a nation back together."

Daniel nodded slowly. He was familiar with all of those things, though maybe not quite in the ways that the commander expected.

Leutenhahl went on as they weaved their way across the campus towards a large, blocky building labeled 'Ordinance Bay E'. "Here at NERV, regardless of where you once were, you enter into a legacy of fixing something that's been broken. NERV exists because the Second Impact broke this world, and the Impact Wars scattered the pieces. And now..." he paused as he swiped a keycard, the door before them sliding open, riding an elevator up to the top.

The doors of the elevator opened to reveal a room overhanging a massively tall gantry, filled with a crimson liquid, stretching nearly to the ceiling. Held within was what could be called a giant. Locked in place by the walls that enclosed its shoulders, about a third of it was encased in armor, most of it still steel grey, though men worked hard to paint it over. The head especially, encased in a helmet, wore a vibrant combination of scarlet red, hazard orange, and white accents. Daniel couldn't help but stare.

"This is what you're putting together," Lutenhahl said after a moment's silence. "What you're going to do here is ensure the reliability of the tool that will be our best hope for putting the pieces of this world back together. In time, she will be the Production Model Evangelion, Unit-02. Our world's best hope for salvation."

Daniel continued to stare, as another memory forced its way to the forefront. A memory of a monitor, showing Unit-02, showing Asuka, a mangled plant bed for a grove of Lances, the white wings of MP-Evas slowly circling like vultures…

As Daniel wrestled with the memory, Commander Lutenhahl mistook his continued silence for awe. "It's quite a sight, I know. Even being here at its conception, I'm still overtaken from time to time."

Daniel blinked, the world around him, and the sight in front of him, shifting back into focus. "Yes. Yes, it's a little larger than what I'm usually used to overseeing, but I think I'll appreciate the challenge."

Lutenhahl chuckled. "Well, at least you're willing. And if there's anything I've learned in my time, it's that a willing heart makes up much of the effort. Follow me. Your team is waiting for you. And welcome to NERV-2, Captain Theisman."

Daniel let his gaze turn away from the slumbering giant that dominated the view in front of him, blinking at the sudden boost in rank he had been given, and followed the commander into another room.

This one had no such cavernous view, but the room was instead dominated by a large machine that sat in the center of the room, a grey and white tube sticking out of it at an angle. Surrounding the machine were several banks of computers and monitors for all manner of different readings, from biomonitors to simulation data to even more things that Daniel didn't completely know the function of.

They came to stand beside Misato, who watched behind the main island of monitors. She nodded in turn at them, saluting to the commander. "Commander. Daniel."

Lutenhahl saluted back. "Captain. How is our star pilot today?"

Misato sighed. "Still not as perfect as she wishes she could be. It's only been a year and a half since she started her training proper. She's made leaps and bounds, but she's still trying to reach the top as soon as she can."

Lutenhahl shook his head slightly, chuckling. "So she's in her usual form today." his voice laced with old amusement.

Misato nodded as she turned back to regard the screens. "The simulation will be ending soon."

As she said this, a tone sounded, and many of the screens lit up green, displaying lists of data and percentages. The machine in the center of the room gurgled as it drained something from it. People began to stand, some clapping.

"Speak of the devil," Misato said wryly as she peered at one of the readouts in front of her. "She's shaved a whole half a second from her best time in problem-solving. And raised her sync score a half a percent. Not bad."

Commander Lutenhahl nodded. "At this rate, she's probably going to be the best pilot that we have, even if she plateaus in the next year. Come along, Captain Theisman. Now you can properly meet your team."

The commander led Daniel around the room, away from the now ogling Captain Katsuragi, introducing him to a dozen people with a dozen names, experts in all their fields. Krasinski, data analytics. Levinson, metallurgy. Son-Hoon, biotechnology. Pranashta, neurobiology.

These and more politely introduced themselves. Soon, Daniel had gone full circle around the room, back to Misato's side as a hatch in the tube slid open, from which nearly bounded a girl with fiery red hair and piercing blue eyes that scanned the room until they fell on Misato.

She bounced down from the tube and made her way to the group, one of the technicians handing her a towel with which she vigorously scrubbed at her hair. She wore a skintight bodysuit, painted in the same colors as were going on to the Unit itself. She stood proud as if she were 6 feet taller than she actually was.

"So," she said in a sure, commanding voice, "how did I do this time?"

Misato, with all the patience she was able to muster, replied, "Well, your current sync ratio is sitting at about 38%. And rising."

The young pilot seemed to deflate at the news, her brow furrowing into a frown. "Only that much? That's more than a little disappointing to hear, Misato. Are you sure the scanners weren't off?"

Misato nodded. "Yes, Asuka. They were checked at least two times before the simulation like you asked us to do."

Asuka straightened up again. "Well," she continued, raising her voice, "I'm going to continue doing my best to become the best pilot I can be, and I can't be held back by faulty machines. I'm counting on all of you!" The team, Misato, and Lutenhahl all chuckled as she said this, some louder than others.

Lutenhahl stepped forward. "Well, Ms. Soryu-Langley, we'll make sure that the machines are helping you be the best that you can be." As he said this, Asuka straightened to attention, much to Daniel's surprise.

"Speaking of making sure machines work," he continued, "you have a new head of engineering to talk to, to ensure that's happening. Captain Hansen has retired, as I'm sure you know, and Captain Theisman here has come to replace him."

Daniel stepped forward, reaching out his hand, which Asuka took and shook once with vigor. "Hello, Asuka. I'm Daniel, as the good commander said. I look forward to helping you become the best pilot you can be."

Asuka nodded, the proud fire having returned to her eyes. "You'd better be ready. I have a lot to catch you up on that Captain Hansen knew."

"And I look forward to it," Daniel said, a smile coming to him. "I prefer working as close as I can with the people who operate the vehicles I work on. Call it a holdover from my military days."

Asuka, for her part, nodded in understanding. "Well, I'll meet with you as soon as you're ready to hear everything I have to say."

Daniel chuckled at this. "And I'm sure you have a lot to say to me. We'll arrange a meeting as soon as you're able to."

Asuka smiled. "Call it a date, then!"

Daniel blinked as the rest of the room broke into full-out laughter. Misato stepped forward and took Asuka by her shoulder. "Well, you're not going on any sort of date with anyone like you are now," she said with an impish grin. "Let's go and get cleaned up."

Asuka nodded. "Okay!"

Daniel continued to look on as she continued around, collecting what seemed to be her due praise and information. Interfaced as he was, it did not take him long to shift his view from the purely physical world to look on her soul.

As he expected, the mask she kept on her face and around her personality hid a mind and soul laced with scars, wracked with insecurities and self-doubt, and more than a little guilt. It was a sort of soul he was familiar with. After all, it took one to know one. Regardless, as his sight cycled back into the physical world, it would take some time to even begin to try mending that. But there was no better time to start than now.

And time it did take. As the weeks and months passed by, and Daniel settled into his duties, he took to the task of maintaining the Eva with a relaxed sort of familiarity, the required knowledge seeming to come easily to him.

As promised, he did meet with Asuka and Misato, who had come along with her, and he had heard all the things that Asuka had on her mind, and there were many. Slowly, but surely, Daniel became a part of everyday life. As a part of everyday life, he got the chance to know people in many different ways.

Though the way he was currently walking into was not his preferred way of getting to know someone, he thought as he approached the bar on the NERV campus, there was a certain honesty when a person had washed away the mask they wore with a drink or two.

Misato liked this place though, a bar designed to look like a classical tavern named the Fröhliche Zeitverschwendung. The joke was not lost on him as he entered, the interior a somewhat dim, but comfortable surrounds, wide and lined with tables and chairs, with the spacious bar in the back acting as the main centerpiece of the place.

Daniel scanned the room and found Misato waving him over to a secluded corner table, clearly having had a few drinks waiting for him.

He made his way over and sat down, the waiter coming over shortly. "A ginger beer. Non-alcoholic, and Bundaberg if you have it." the waiter nodded, and Misato leered at Daniel.

"Yer nnoo fun, are you, Cap'n?" she said, an obvious slur swirling her speech much like she swirled the craft bier she nursed. "All th's good stuff and all y' get is a ginger beer?"

"I'm a terrible person when I lose my inhibitions." Daniel replied. "That and I'm not really sure you can drive yourself home safely at this point."

Misato continued to leer at him silently before nodding slowly. "I guess that's not a bad line of reasoning."

The waiter reappeared with a small bottle of Bundaberg, which Daniel accepted with a nod as the waiter vanished once again, leaving them in solitude.

"At least y' have a good taste in ginger beer,'' Misato noted, "what with it being the only thing I've seen still coming out of Australia at this point." Daniel was silent as he opened his bottle with a quiet pop.

"So," Daniel ventured as he took an appreciative sip. "What did you want to talk about?"

Misato nodded, thinking for a moment. "Y've mentioned your time in the United States Army during the Impact War. You were in South America." it was a question wrapped in a statement.

Daniel nodded slowly. "Yes, I was in Brazil for the most part. Bounced around the Amazon for a while, saw the Redemptor statue fall into the ocean. It was an… experience."

Misato smiled slowly, seeming to recall experiences of her own. "So how did you leave?"

Daniel hesitated for a moment. "Well, my last 6 months, my company was working hit and fade warfare, with tanks. It was an interesting way of working with vehicles, to say the least. Made for some hellish engineering challenges."

"We had gotten into the mountains," Daniel continued, "used the valleys and cave systems to hide out and strike at the Brazilian People's Army. One day, everything was as usual. We were working with native soldiers from some of the neighboring villages, and the People's Army got the drop on us. All our tanks were bombed out in the first couple of minutes. Then it was hand to hand, tunnel to tunnel combat for days. We were cut off, so there wasn't any help coming for us. We were slowly whittled down."

"It got to a point where a group of us, soldiers and natives, decided to try and make a break for another cave exit. I was part of the last stand that would make sure the rest of them escaped."

Daniel paused for a moment, then sighed quietly. "They were on us in moments. Everything became a blur and a constant banging. Punches landing, knives jabbing, pistols and SMGs all going off in your ear. All you could hear was ringing. Then I was knocked out. After a while, I woke up. I was the only one still alive. Most of the escape party was butchered, not 20 feet from the entrance. I climbed down the mountain alone and got picked up. After that, I went home, got honorably discharged. Then I went to Japan for a few years."

Daniel fell silent. Places had changed, names had changed, even the world had changed in the telling, but the memory that went with it was still painful all the same.

Misato was also silent. After a moment, she raised her half-empty glass. "To those who've moved on. May they ever be remembered as the finest of us." She said reverently.

"Amen to that." Daniel replied, equally quiet. Glass clinked against bottle, and both took long drinks.

"So, now that you know what happened to me," Daniel said, "what were you doing in South America?"

Misato grinned, her eyes gleaming with an impish light dulled by drink. "Oh, I was a lot more secret than you were. Lots of covert, hush-hush stuff." She put a finger unsteadily to her lips as she said it. "I still can't talk about a lot of it."

"Alright, secret agent Misato," Daniel said under a chuckle. "Why covert ops? Why military at all?"

Misato rolled her eyes. "Oh, a lot of reasons." She set her glass down to count on her fingers. "Because it sounded exciting, because college was boring, because I had nothing better to do, because I was running from…"

She paused, a frown coming over her face like a storm cloud covering the sun. "Maybe I've had a little too much to drink." Misato said, her bravado replaced with what could almost be guilt. "I think it's time to go home."

Daniel blinked. He had his guess at what she was trying to avoid mentioning, but he didn't want to press the issue. "Alright. I guess I am driving you home." he stood and went to Misato's side, offering her a hand to help her stand.

The waiter appeared, a neutral look on his face as Misato unsteadily got up and stumbled into Daniel for a moment. "Will you be taking a check then, sir?"

Before Daniel could answer, Misato's hand shot out, wagging a finger at the somewhat startled waiter. "Put it on my tab," she said as Daniel attempted to protest, "for telling a good story."

The waiter nodded after a moment, and Misato's finger dropped from pointing at the man's face. "Very well," he said, trying desperately to gain some sort of decorum back. "Thank you for coming in. We hope to see you again."

As they walked together towards her car, he guided her into the passenger seat, securing her seatbelt for her, and began driving her back to her flat.

. . .

The drive was mostly quiet. Misato spoke after a long time with a contemplative look on her face. "So what were you doing in Japan? Is that how you hooked up with NERV?" she asked quietly.

Daniel nodded as he made the turn into the residential area. "Yes, actually. I was doing independent contractor work for about 2 years before I got hired out to full time."

Misato nodded perhaps one too many times. "'nd that's where you met that kid that you always talk to, right?"

Daniel smiled. "Shinji, yes. He's like a little brother to me at this point."

Misato smiled mellowly as she looked at Daniel. "He sounds like a real cutie, with what you say about him."

They pulled into the lot in front of Misato's building, and Daniel slowly but surely guided her back to her front door. It slid open, and Asuka, now 13 and proudly in the final stretch of graduating college, looked them up and down.

"Well, you came home with a date tonight, did you?" She nodded at Daniel with a wry grin on her face. "Good to see you. I hope you're ready for me to kick your butt again in whatever fighting game you care to choose."

He chuckled for a moment. "Well, I'm just dropping Misato off tonight. No time for you soundly defeating me right now."

Asuka nodded, rolling her eyes as she did. "Well, I'll make sure the water and aspirin are handy for her." She turned and made her way back into the flat.

Misato looked at Daniel, a haze over the dreamy look she gave him. "What, no good night kiss for your date?"

Daniel smiled patiently. "No, Misato. My heart's already spoken for anyway." He immediately regretted saying that.

Misato's eyes grew wide, her mouth making an o as she gasped. "You have a girlfriend? And you haven't told anyone?" Daniel winced as he tried to hide the pain the memories coming back to him caused.

"Well, I won't say anything until I'm ready and I know it will work out." He wasn't ready to talk about Eleanor yet. He doubted he would ever be.

Misato, for her part, nodded with a sly look in her eyes. "Well, whenever you're ready to announce your engagement, I'll be the first one at the wedding, mkay?" Daniel nodded as he helped her through the door, letting go of her as she sat on the couch.

As he turned to leave, he stopped as Misato grabbed his arm. She had a calm, kind look on her face now. "If you ever need to keep swapping stories, I think I owe you one of mine. I'm here, okay?"

Daniel smiled. "Thank you. Good night, Misato."

Misato smiled back. "And good night to you too, lover boy." A giggle escaped from her after she said that, as Daniel exited the flat, and made his way back home. He had a lot to work through.

Everyone has something that they've regretted doing. For most, it's a lost chance at love, words spoken without thinking, walking away from something one shouldn't have. I've experienced all these things. But there are greater regrets. Ones that cannot help but haunt me in the night. Reminding me of my sins.

NERV-2, Neue Berlin, April 2014

The months continued on, and Unit-02 came closer and closer to completion. Asuka's abilities as a pilot continued to rise astronomically fast, especially after her graduation summa cum laude from the University of Neue Berlin. The inauguration and first physical test run of Unit-02 was scheduled to be only months away now.

But for all his ability and skill as an engineer, Captain Daniel Theisman was by no means a plumber. A pipe had burst while he was at work one day, and almost everything (besides many of his keepsakes and his precious guitars, of course) was completely soaked.

It was while he was standing in the center of his living room, the carpet squishing every so often as he took a step, that he made a call. "Misato, I have a favor to ask."

In a few moments, and with no small amount of gratitude, Daniel was now settled in at Misato and Asuka's flat, the couch acting as his bed for the time being. He would be there for a while, while the repairs and such took place.

Besides, he still had work to occupy him, along with a great many other things. He still had game nights to look forward to with Asuka, who earnestly loved her X360 console and the plethora of competitive games that she owned. He had his guitars, with which Asuka enjoyed challenging him to play the most complex metal riffs she could think of. He succeeded. At least, sometimes. He had Misato, who did share many of her war stories, in time.

But most of all, he had Shinji, who would hang on every word he could legally say about his work. He was always excited whenever they could call. They practiced English often, and sometimes German words slipped into that learning. Every so often, when the quality of the video call was good enough, Shinji would showcase his latest efforts on a given cello piece. But mostly, they just talked about life, or even just to enjoy each other's companionship. It was a good time in many people's lives.

That didn't stop the nightmares, however.

Daniel woke up in a twin bed, beside a desk with a laptop and other assorted mess on it, within a room painted in various shades of green. He was home. He knew this one would be bad.

He got out of bed and made his way into the living room of his home. It was dark, the only light coming from a salt lamp on the mantle, which glowed a deep orange.

Daniel wondered at the detail when a voice he had not heard in ages echoed behind him. "Daniel." Against his will, he turned, and he saw his father and mother, his brother and sister.

They spoke as one. "Why did you leave us?"

Daniel shook his head. "I didn't have a choice."

"Not good enough," they spoke, "come home."

Daniel's heart ached. "I can't. Not right now."

From behind him, another voice made its presence known, a woman's voice. "Why did you kill us?"

Daniel turned again. The form that greeted him was only tangentially human, a shadow with piercing white eyes. It spoke again, its mouth a blotch of white on its face. "Why did you kill all of us?"

Daniel knew what she meant. He knew she was wrong. "I didn't kill you. He did."

The woman spoke immediately, other white eyes opening and filling the room, which seemed to start stretching away. "It makes no difference. Your hand ended our lives. You did it."

Other voices began to join in. "You did it." "Please, stop it!" "It hurts!" "Have mercy, please!" "Why?"

The voices became a great babble, filled with shouts and screams and questions unanswered, the eyes gathered into a wall that pressed down on him, forcing him to his knees. There was nothing that he could do about it.

Then, the voices quieted for a moment, and two more forms manifested in front of him. Asuka and Shinji stood before him, judgment in their eyes. In Asuka's, that judgment was mixed with naked rage. But what scared Daniel even more was Shinji's face, a terrible mirror image of his father in its cold condemnation.

"I'm sorry," Daniel said, his voice choked with sadness.

Shinji sneered. "Sorry doesn't save the world, Daniel. You know that."

"It doesn't change what you did," Asuka snarled. "What you allowed to happen."

Before Daniel could speak again, they vanished, and the voices and the screams rose again in their intensity, the eyes pressing ever closer. Within the noise, Daniel heard a distant voice. "Daniel. Daniel!"

His eyes widened. "Eleanor?"

Whatever else was said was lost in the thunder of the voices, the screaming, the pleas for mercy. The eyes. The eyes!

Then there was silence. The voices had stilled, the eyes had closed, and Daniel was left in the silence of his guilt.

Then a hand grasped his shoulder firmly, lifting him up, and Daniel turned once more to see the last thing he wanted to see. Himself.

Though the image bore his face, it was twisted into a small, ugly smirk, and he was clothed in a simple armor which seemed to draw in what little light was here to destroy it, draped in a cloak of deepest red. Upon his brow glowed the sigil of two upturned hands, cupping the air beneath the straight blade of a sword.

The image's smile grew as it spoke. "Look at you. Thinking you need to atone for what we did. But it will come to nothing. You have only advanced the Great Cause. You still have a work to bring forth. You are still my herald. You will always be my herald. You. Are. Mine."

Finally, Daniel found his voice again. And all he could do was scream. "NOOOOOOOOOO-"

"...noo…" Daniel murmured as he opened his eyes, at last, rising up from the bed he was in.. and quickly falling off of the couch with a dull thump, narrowly missing the coffee table.

Getting to his knees, he surveyed his surroundings. He was in Misato's flat in Germany. Yes. Yes, that was where he was. He gripped the pliant leather of the couch and the firm wood of the coffee table, his heart pounding as he started to ground himself.

After minutes that felt so much longer than that, he stood, rubbing his eyes, and made his way in the dark to the bathroom in the hallway, the room lit by a small, green night light.

As he entered, he heard a small voice, full of tiredness and uncharacteristic uncertainty from down the hall. "Daniel?"

Daniel reached for the light switch, flipping it on. The light made both wince, but as Daniel opened his eyes to see Asuka, both saw in each other's faces the same eyes: Tired and afraid to go back into the night which silently, calmly waited for both of them.

Daniel spoke first. "So, nightmares for you too, huh?"

Asuka said nothing, only nodding. Here in the light of the bathroom, far from all her usual panache and confidence, she was just a 14 year old, small and afraid of the dark.

"You're afraid to go back," Daniel continued, "to try and go back to sleep. To the nightmares. You're scared to be alone again." Asuka nodded again.

Daniel closed his eyes and sighed. Then he opened them again. "So, what say we go to the couch, and wait the night out together?"

Asuka nodded. "That sounds good."

"Okay," Daniel said, a tired smile on his face. They walked together to the couch, sitting together to ward off the darkness, and what waited in it for both of them.

After a moment, Asuka looked up at Daniel. "So, what woke you up?"

Daniel hesitated. With a sigh, he said, "That's going to take a little explaining. Are you okay with that?"

Asuka nodded. "Uh-huh."

Daniel stood up, and Asuka reached for his arm, taking it in a desperate grip. Daniel turned to her. Despite the tightness of her grip, her arm was shaking.

Daniel patiently put a hand over hers. "I'm going to need a drink for what I'm about to talk about. Would you like one?"

In the dim light of the bathroom, he saw Asuka nod. "Just water, or something a little fizzier?"

Asuka thought for a moment. "One of your Bundabergs?"

Daniel smiled. She had a fondness for them now. "Alright. Two Bundabergs coming up."

A fixture in the kitchen turned on, shone a little more light. Two pops signaled the beginning of drinking, which happened in a dim-lighted, companionable silence.

After a moment, Daniel broke the silence with a sigh. "I've let down… A lot of people. Sometimes it ended in getting people killed."

"Brazil?" Asuka asked quietly. "I hear you and Misato talk about that sometimes." Asuka truly had no idea, Daniel thought.

He paused for a moment, searching for what to say. "Yes, in part," he continued after finding something he deemed satisfactory. "But it doesn't always end with people dying. Sometimes, when I let someone down, it just drove them away. That hurts a lot more than someone dying sometimes."

Asuka listened in silence. Daniel continued after a moment. "That sort of letdown is what cost me the people that I loved. My family. It's what brought me to Japan."

"Family," Asuka spoke the word like it was foreign to her, an almost incomprehensible concept for her, even for all her intelligence.

"Do you have any family still?" Daniel asked carefully.

"Not anymore." Asuka said, an edge of hardness entering her quiet voice. "I've just been on my own for a while before I started training and living with Misato. I've been lonely."

Asuka paused for a moment, then turned to look at Daniel. "I don't like being lonely." she said, her voice quavering. It seemed the hardest thing in the world for her to admit. Even in the dim light, Daniel could see she was trying hard to not cry.

"Everyone needs some family, I've found." Daniel said after a moment. "Someone who's there for them. Who loves them unconditionally."

Daniel paused again for a moment. "How would you like a big brother?"

Asuka turned to stare at him unbelievingly. Silence reigned in the flat for a heartbeat. Then another. "You mean it? You won't leave me?" she asked in a voice filled with fragility.

Daniel smiled, equally fragile. "Promise."

A sniffle. Then another. Finally, a dam broke as Asuka crushed Daniel's chest with a hug, weeping openly. Daniel accepted the hug. The drinks stood forgotten.

"Thank you," Asuka whispered into Daniel's chest. "Big brother."

Daniel nodded, tears in his own eyes. "Of course, little sister."

After a while, both fell asleep against the couch, their drinks standing sentinel, silent witnesses.

Next Time on Apotheosis Echo...

Unit-02 makes its first sortie, and its pilot discovers a new passion. Daniel soon finds old troubles beginning to find their way back to him. What does LCL have to do with it? And what secrets is Commander Lutenhahl keeping? Next Episode: Entwining.