Together Or Not All

by Ford.Ye.Fiji

It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But he was so very tired, so very old, and he had lost so very much. And he often wondered if it had ever been worth it at all. - The TARDIS is worried about her Thief alone in the clouds but she is unable to help, unable to even speak. So she does the only thing that she can do. She calls for those who can.

A/N: just felt like being sad about the Ponds again. as always i dont own Doctor Who at all, if i did, Eleven would be back ajsksk

Amy looked around, craning her neck, "Rory! I swear, Rory, that he was just here, where could he have gone? We only left him for a minute."

Rory snorted, glancing around, "Told you we should've bought a leash."

Amy smacked him lightly on the shoulder, unable to suppress her smile, "Stop it. He never would've allowed it."

"Who said anything about telling him? Honestly, I don't think he'd notice it unless we told him."

Amy giggled, peering over her shoulder, "Well, he's got to be here somewhere, c'mon!" She grabbed her husband's hand, yanking him along behind her. Rory didn't resist, stumbling before he found his stride and, with a laugh, following her farther into the snow.

Amy glanced at the other people milling around, staring at her almost scandalized and then quickly away when she noticed them, "Rory, is it just me or are we getting some odd looks?"

Rory shrugged, swinging her arm in tandem with their stride, "Well, it is the eighteen hundreds. And we're not exactly dressed for that or the snow."

Amy rolled her eyes, "Well of course we're not dressed! He said we were going to America but no, of course we're dragged off our route by a 'solar storm' or whatever. If the Doctor wanted us dressed for the occasion, he should've told us."

Rory's brows furrowed as he stared off at something in the distance, "It wasn't a solar storm, it was the TARDIS. Or a solar storm. He wasn't sure which. And, this may be a dumb question, but since when did the sky have ladders?"

Amy blinked and turned, "What?" Her face split into a wide and excited grin when she found what he'd spoken about, eyes alight with the promise of adventure, "Oh my god! That is a ladder into the sky."

Rory nodded, smiling fondly at her, "Yeah, that is what I said."

"Look at that, it just disappears! Into nothing!"

They both looked at each other, hands clasped, before Amy asked breathlessly, "Should we go up?"

Rory glanced at the stairs, her, and then back the way they'd came- the streets suddenly and rather noticeably deserted. His smile broadened, "Yeah, why not? Let's go up. It's what he would do, isn't it?" His next words were considerably louder, "If he were here!" He craned his neck, hoping for a reply to that addendum but none came. The Doctor was well and truly out of earshot. Hopefully, he wasn't in some sort of trouble.

Amy grinned and skipped towards the ladder. Her husband followed, two steps at a time. The ladder, as they drew closer pulled up into the sky and vanished. Amy blinked and Rory curiously craned his head upwards, brows furrowed and mouth open with surprise. Amy frowned and then jumped up, yelping as she snagged something. She hung there, suspended for one frightening moment before, with a clank, the ladder slowly lowered back down. She and Rory grinned before clambering up. They emerged onto a small platform that became a staircase that wound up into the clouds above.

Amy gaped and Rory blinked, squinting at the stairs, "So it's a ladder that leads into a staircase in the sky that leads to the clouds?"

"A staircase." Amy jumped up and down, "It's a staircase!" Rory nodded, "A staircase that leads into the clouds." Amy turned to him, eyes alight with wonder and excitement, "It's like a fairytale!"

Rory chuckled, "Shall we then, Amelia Pond?"

Amy snorted, punching him in the shoulder, "Oh shut up."

He grinned, taking her hand, "Make me."

Her smirk deepened, "Maybe, Mr. Pond." She paused, tightening her grip on his hand, "But later. Definitely later."

Amy grinned and skipped towards the wrought iron staircase. Her husband followed, sticking close. It led up and up, past the mist and fog and into a particularly fluffy bunch of clouds. They gaped as they surfaced in the sea of almost-cotton, watching Victorian London twinkle merrily below them. Above them was the night sky spread out like a blanket, the moon full and the stars sparkling like diamonds. The clouds, somehow, still miraculously held them.

Amy said, words thick with awe, "We're on a cloud in the sky. We followed a staircase into a cloud in the sky."

"It's not the most amazing thing we've seen, yeah."

"We're standing on a cloud, Rory!"

"Yeah, on a cloud, like Mary Poppins. Do you think she was a Time Lord?"

Amy punched him in the arm, still grinning, "Shut up, stupid. You're taking the fun out of it all."

Rory grinned sheepishly, glancing over the edge of the cloud at the darkness and the snow swirling down below, "Can't blame me for it. I mean, she did have a bag that was bigger on the inside. And a funny noisy umbrella."

"Look."

"The Doctor did say that the sonic was noisy. Sonic screwdriver, noisy screwdriver."

"Rory, look."

Rory was mesmerized by how high up they were, still idly musing to himself, "Amy, do you suppose, instead of a screwdriver, that she had a sonic umbrella?"

"Rory!"

He snapped to attention, brows furrowed, "What?"

She pointed, "Rory, look."

He followed her finger, eyes widening as he saw, quite remarkably, a worn down police public call box. It was the bluest blue in all the worlds and sitting before them on the cloud. His mouth opened and closed as he glanced back down toward London where they had just left the TARDIS and then back up at the TARDIS now before them, "That's not possible."

"I know, right?"

"Do you think he moved it? Just to mess with us? I mean, he didn't... did he?"

Amy grinned, all teeth, "Only one way to find out." She started forward, across the clouds- which Rory was still trying to get used to thank you very much. She reached it first, fist raised to knock, but the door clicked open for her.

She smiled, speaking to the old blue box, "Oh, why thank you."

Rory patted the side of the warped wood as they moved inwards.

Both of them stopped. Amy blinked and Rory's mouth opened. They stared in silence before Rory asked quietly, "Amy, are you sure this is the right TARDIS?"

"There's only one TARDIS, stupid. Of course it's the right one. It's just..." she chewed on her lip as she crept inwards, not at all as sure as she seemed, "...A little different."

"Yeah," Rory looked around the strangely clinical silver interior curiously, "You could say that." He stepped towards the console, only barely able to pick out familiar things like the zigzag plotter, "Or you could say that it's completely different." He frowned as Amy trailed a finger along the edge of the sharp console, "It's a little sad. How long were we gone for and how did the Doctor have enough time to redecorate?"

Amy shook her head, unsettled, the TARDIS humming almost sadly, lights flickering. Something was wrong. The TARDIS was cold and dark and worse still, empty. Amy said it out loud this time, "Rory, something is wrong. Like really, really wrong."

Rory nodded, glancing at her uneasily, "You feel it too, yeah?"

It was at the moment of creeping, dawning horror that there was a noise outside. It was the noise of footsteps on metal. In fact, it was the exact sound that they had made climbing up the staircase just five minutes prior. Amy swallowed, everything about this situation scaring her, more than anything ever had before. Rory glanced at the open door, face white with alarm and apprehension.

Amy took his hand, "Rory."

"Yeah?" He didn't look at her, the footsteps growing louder. She didn't know what was going on, but she felt like there was an ocean pressing against her spine. The tide was coming in and she couldn't hold it back. She didn't know why she felt that way, but she did. It was like whatever was wrong with the TARDIS was spilling over into her. Her tongue felt thick and heavy in her mouth, "Rory, I'm scared."

A shadow spilled across the doorway, tall and unfamiliar.

Rory's fingers tightened around her own, warm and alive and reassuring, "Yeah. I think I am too."

And then the figure appeared, looming in the doorway.

Three voices spoke as one with varying degrees of horror and surprise, " Oh. "

Before them stood the Doctor, except not as they'd left him. He wore a worn brown coat and ratty top hat as well as a darker vest and purple necktie underneath. His hair was longer than they'd last left it and he seemed rather wearier.

He took a step back from them, eyes wide and dark.

She didn't know what had happened, but it was still the Doctor, not whatever strange and terrifying thing she'd expected to come upon them. It must be the air or the weird floating cloud staircase affecting her, making her frightened.

The dread was still there, however, persistent and looming.

Amy laughed, pressing a hand to her chest, hoping to dispel whatever strange anticipation tugged at her heartstrings, "Oh Doctor, thank god it's you. I thought for a moment it was someone else."

The Doctor's voice was little more than a weak incredulous croak. He seemed absolutely devastated for reasons that she couldn't deduce, "Ponds?"

Rory frowned as Amy continued, "Love want you've done with the place. It's been what, five minutes? How did you redecorate in five whole minutes? And change your clothes? Is that what pulled the TARDIS off course? You had the urge to go to Victorian London and redecorate?"

He still looked extremely surprised.

Rory spoke quietly, "Doctor... are you alright?"

He blinked, lips twitching, as if he were trying to smile but wasn't quite managing it, "Er... yes. I am. Of course I am."

It was a terrible lie, even by his standards. Amy's brows furrowed and she took a step forward. The Doctor suppressed a barely perceptible flinch. Amy paused, glancing at his old attire, then the strange TARDIS around them, and then finally Rory. The pieces were falling into place, no matter how much she wished they wouldn't. The TARDIS was old and sad, her Raggedy Doctor was old and sad, and worse still at his throat, looped around his collar, was an imposter- a necktie. That terrible anticipation, that great looming horror had reached its climax. She knew what was wrong.

Rory could see it in her eyes. He raised an eyebrow, subtly tilting his head towards the Doctor- a clear go ahead. She licked her lips, hesitating for a moment, one more moment where she could pretend that everything was fine and that he wasn't looking at them in the exact same way he did when he spoke of his other friends. His past companions. The way he looked off into the distance was the way he looked at them now... As if they were ghosts.

Amy turned back around, studying him. His smile had solidified even if it was rather fragile. She felt cold and icy, dread clogging her throat as she snapped, "Bow tie?"

He frowned, puzzled. She gestured, "Your bow tie. Where is it?"

He glanced downwards and then back up, his words strained, a crack in his facade, "Amy-"

"Don't lie to me, Raggedy Man." Her words were firm, cold, and hard, just like this strange new TARDIS. This time, the Doctor really did flinch, "What's wrong?"

He opened his mouth but she beat him to it, "And don't even try lying to me. This isn't you, is it? I mean, not you as we know you. You're older, I can tell."

His smile was sharp and worn like his coat and not really comparable to a smile at all, "Oh, Ponds. You always were so perceptive."

Were.

He'd said were.

Rory had caught it too. He, however, was more bold about that line of inquiry, "Were? We were perceptive ?"

The Doctor sighed, dragging a hand down his face, "Ponds. Amelia." He stopped, rectifying himself as if he'd made a mistake, "Amy Williams." Her heart dropped to her stomach as he continued, "It's time for you to go now. You really shouldn't be here."

He was old. Older than she'd ever seen him. She knew suddenly, in her heart of hearts, that he was older than she would ever see him again.

She shook her head, inexplicable tears filling her eyes, lips trembling, "No. Not until you stop it. Stop being so sad."

He sighed, "Oh Amy." He lifted his eyes, not to her, but to Rory, pleading silently with him, an unspoken world of pain in those eyes.

Rory pulled her hand gently, taking the hint, "Amy... I think we need to go. If we're right and this is an older Doctor then... we don't want them to meet. You know how he's always going on about paradox's ending two-thirds of the universe." His sentence ended in a forced chuckle, one that would've made even Amy wince if she'd been actually listening.

She shook her head, turning back to face him, to reason with him but she stopped. Her brows smoothed as saw what he'd meant. Rory nodded, continuing, "...But Doctor, I'm afraid I agree with Amy, even despite the dangers. Something is wrong." He broke eye contact with her to face their friend, "Are you okay, Doctor?"

His face crumpled, shoulders slumping. Then the Doctor straightened, refusing to look at them, his voice rising to a shout, " Listen to me. For once in your lives," his voice cracked and broke, "For once in your lives would you please just listen to me and go?"

Amy shook her head, firmer now that Rory was beside her, "No, you can't just chase us away. You've never been able to and you never will. And you know why?" She felt so very small all of a sudden, only twelve again, waiting for a madman with a box to show up on her doorstep- to fix everything and take her away from Leadworth, "You called me Amy Williams. You never call me that. Never."

He smiled, like a porcelain doll, stiff and formal as he amended clearly only to placate her, "Amelia, please go."

"Why?"

"Because maybe," he didn't look her in the eye, staring off just to her left, more bitter and vitriolic than she'd ever heard him, ancient and furious, "You should grow up. "

She took a step back, as if she'd been slapped. He sighed, removing his top hat and hanging it off of one of the railings before he ran a hand through his hair. He turned to the side, gesturing towards the open door, voice soft, "Now please go."

He'd played her well, like a fiddle almost. He'd always been able to do that. Amy would've gone. She would've stormed out, head held high and heart smarting, but the TARDIS's lights flickered almost mournfully, groaning quietly. She paused, one hand still trailing along the unfamiliar console, reluctant to let go. Her lips parted, realization filling her.

The Doctor's brows furrowed as if he could sense the change in her. Amy drew herself up to her full height, "You said, earlier, that you didn't know what dragged us here before you went swanning off into the streets of Victorian London. Or, younger you said it. You said it could've been a solar flare, or the TARDIS. You said you weren't sure."

Rory frowned, slowly catching on, "Yeah. He said he didn't think it was the TARDIS because she'd been acting normal. But it could be because the readings were- oh."

The Doctor glanced between them, confused. Amy's grin was sharp and without mirth, "The TARDIS dragged us all the way here, to Victorian London. Only what, forty feet from your cloud? Except I bet it wasn't our TARDIS that did it, no. Yours did."

The lights flickered, engine humming with pleasure. The Doctor glanced at the console, offended, "No. No, you wouldn't. Tell me you didn't."

The lights dimmed and flared again. His brows drew down with rage, "You don't get to make that choice for me. None of you do. None of you have the right!" He pointed at them, shaking with anger, "I've made my choice and you can't just drag them back here as if that would make a difference. As if that would fix everything that's happened. I'm through. I'm through with all of it, do you hear?"

His glare turned on them now, the full wrath of the Oncoming Storm leveled upon them as he spat furiously, "Amy, Rory, you're here by mistake, do you understand? You need to go now. Go back to him, go back to the TARDIS, and go back to wherever you were coming from. I'm not him, not anymore. I'm not the Doctor any longer."

Amy's lips thinned, unflinching, "Don't give me that Raggedy Man." She stepped forward, watching as he pressed himself against the rail, almost dreading her approach. Another step and she would be close enough to touch him. She studied him carefully, her next words small and quiet, "We're ghosts aren't we?" He seemed to run out of steam, unable to look her in the eye as she continued, each word condemning him, his reaction speaking the truth far better than he could, "We're haunting you, right now. Somewhere, someday, sometime, we're going to leave and not come back, aren't we?"

His eyes closed, back slumping, fingers white around the railing, "Amelia," it was a whisper, a plea, "Please, go."

She closed the gap, cupping his face in her hands, making him face her. It took a moment, too long really, for him to finally meet her eyes. But when he did her heart broke at the pain she saw there, so terribly raw and reminiscent of that old hurt he had when he talked of the Others. Except, she supposed, they'd become one of those Others. She'd sworn that they never would, that they were different... but he'd been right. They really did all leave him in the end. She supposed it was a sign of her growth that she didn't rebel immediately at the thought. She'd grown old enough to realize that everything had their end as much as she didn't want it. This had always been inevitable, and how her heart ached at the thought of never seeing him again, of leaving him so terribly alone when she'd sworn that she never would. They'd let themselves become a family and this was the so very heavy price that he had paid, "Oh Raggedy Man, I'm sorry." She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, a mirror to his own, "I'm so very sorry."

He smiled, this one at least not a mask. This one was worse, tremulous and so horribly sad, "Oh Pond. My little Amelia Pond. It wasn't your fault."

She shook her head, choking on a laugh, "No, of course it wasn't." That drew a dry chuckle from him and she smiled weakly, "But I know that we'd never leave you unless we had too. And I'm so sorry that it happened." She traced the edge of his chin carefully, unable to look away from the new lines under his eyes, "We were your family. The first family since you'd lost your own, because you did lose your own, Doctor, didn't you? You can't hide it. You couldn't hide it when you looked at me after Melody was taken- as if you knew that pain." She blinked back the tears, "And we were taken from you as well, weren't we?"

He looked away, chiding carefully, "Pond..."

She nodded, "I know, I know. Spoilers."

They both laughed. It turned into a sob and Amy wrenched him forwards into a hug. Even if he'd changed, he still smelled the same, of old books, custard, and stardust- of home, "I'm sorry, Doctor. But know that I don't regret it, not at all. I don't regret knowing you Raggedy Man, whatever happens. I will always love you and be grateful for the time that we had, for the family that we were. I'm only sorry," she laughed brokenly, "That it ended... That we left you alone. Because you know us, Ponds, Doctor. It's together or not at all."

His arms came up around her, fingers digging into her jacket with a desperation that seemed barely restrained, choking on his words, voice wet and thick with tears, "I know, Amy. I know. Believe me, I do."

Rory chose that moment to pull them both into a hug, arms tight around them as he said by way of explanation, "Pond hug." Amelia laughed and the Doctor choked on a sob, face buried in her shoulder. They stayed like that, letting themselves think, even if only for a moment, that this was their forever.

All too soon, however, the Doctor drew back, wiping at his eyes and his smile trembling as he examined them. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to first Rory's and then Amy's forehead, grin finally seeming truly happy even if it was tinged with the deepest of sadnesses, "My Ponds... Oh how I've missed you."

Amy laughed, wiping at her eyes, "Yeah. We've missed you too."

Rory nodded, clasping the Doctor's arm, "We'll always miss you, Doctor."

His smile was full of fondness, as if he was helpless before them, as if he would shatter if they disagreed, as if one word would break him, "I'm afraid, that it really is time. Time for one last bow, eh?"

Amy nodded, her smile mirroring his, "We'll go. We'll make sure you, the other you, doesn't come up." Rory finished for her, "You can count on us, Doctor."

The Doctor softened, "I could always count on you, Rory the Roman. The Last Centurion. Always."

Rory's face fell and it was his turn to yank the Doctor into a hug again, the Time Lord startling before gripping him back just as tight as Rory spoke, choking up, "You've always had permission to hug. You don't even need to ask, you know that right?"

The Doctor laughed again, voice suspiciously wet, "Of course Mr. Pond."

They let go, Amy's boys, this time for the last time. He took their hands, examining them as if committing them to memory. He sighed contentedly, reluctant to let go now that it had come down to it, "My Ponds," his hair fell into his eyes, still the same even if he was different now. His lips curved into a sad grin, "This is goodbye."

Amy nodded. They moved past him, towards the open door. Rory pulled it slowly closed and Amelia turned, one last time to see him, wave, so terribly alone in that sad silver room- that smile still in place. She spoke, eyes wide, the snow falling in her hair, Rory's hand in hers, her bittersweet grin mirroring his own, "Raggedy Man," she saw him suck in a breath as the door swung shut, "Goodnight!"

The door closed with a thump of finality.

For Amy and Rory it wasn't the end. They turned, feeling chilly in the night sky so alone and so far above the world, before they started down the metal stairs, along the cobbled streets, and past the empty doors of the brick buildings to find their TARDIS still the same place that it had been only ten minutes before.

She and Rory looked at each other, hands clasped, before they pushed open the familiar door. They were met with a warm golden glow. The Doctor poked his head around the TARDIS console that they knew, his eyes bright, "Oh, Ponds! There you are! I was about to start scanning for you. Thought I'd really lost you there." He laughed cheerfully, skipping around the console with a frantic energy, "Now, where were we before the solar flares?" He paused, thinking, before flicking a switch with a chuckle, "Right, Manhattan!"

For a moment, Amy felt that she knew an inkling of what that Doctor had felt. She was looking at a ghost, haunted by times long past- by a time that she would never see again.

Amy and Rory exchanged a knowing look. They both scrambled up the steps and the Doctor whirled, brow furrowing with confusion, "Ponds?"

They both yanked him into a hug, and he flailed for a moment before returning it with a reassuring enthusiasm and a wide grin, "Oh, a Pond hug? This is nice but a bit unexpected...?"

Amelia shook her head, laying her head on his shoulder, that same smell of stardust still present, "Nothing, just, felt like a hug."

He pressed a kiss to each of their foreheads, right where the other Doctor had done it, warm against the cold. He pulled them close, "Of course, Ponds, anytime."

The TARDIS was warm and golden around them.

The color of home.

---

The Doctor shed his leather coat, folding it next to his top hat. He wiped at his eyes before dragging a finger along the cool metal rim of the TARDIS console, "Why did you do it, old girl?"

The TARDIS hummed, flaring.

He chuckled wetly, bowing his head, eyes closed, "Well, thank you, dear. For letting me pretend, even if it was only for a moment."

He'd gotten so old, up here alone, a lonely old man wandering among the clouds. He'd almost forgotten, what they'd sounded like. He forgotten the feeling of them in his hands, the sound of his family.

He'd missed them so much.

He ran hand through his hair, "Little Amelia Pond, like a name out of a fairytale." His hearts ached, the TARDIS humming sadly, "Her story was a good one, wasn't it?"

The Doctor closed his eyes and bowed his head, thinking one last time of the Ponds, of his family, of River and her golden mane of curls, of Amelia and her endless faith, of Rory and his steady sure calm. The Doctor took a deep breath and, in the silence, let go, breathing his last goodbye, "...And this is how it ends."